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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23551843">Hate to let you down</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Recurring/pseuds/Recurring'>Recurring</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Barn Cats - Freeform, Canadian AU, Chatting &amp; Messaging, F/M, FE:A cast cameos, Felix goes for car rides: the fic, Grief/Mourning, Other Characters will Cameo, Platonic Bed Sharing, Slow Burn, Writers, all i write is dialogue sorry, and references to my questionable playlist, brief mentions of sports, current pets all live, eventually, everyone is bi, if i get bored partway through i'm changing it to fantasy, no beta we die like Glenn, or Eh-U, past pet death, rating for language and innuendo, some discussion of Catholicism, the shepherds are a writing group, yeah he's dead in this too</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:22:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>253,415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23551843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Recurring/pseuds/Recurring</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since Glenn's death, Felix has struggled to find himself among the expectations placed on him. Afraid to begin anything for fear of failure, Mia hides her voice and her heart behind the status quo.<br/>A chance meeting on the rocks of the Canadian Shield brings about change for each of them, a journey of words, of competition, of the past and the future, and several semi-feral cats.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>254</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. reminds me of you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No one should have heard her singing. </p>
<p>Mia had dragged her faded orange kayak onto the bank and found a sunny rock on which to sit.It was a part of the Canadian Shield, bare granite veined with pink feldspar and crusted with pale lichen.She sat with her palms on either side of her, the rough texture of the warm stone keeping her grounded and calm.</p>
<p>There was no one up North on a Monday in October.Why would there be?Mia only was because she didn't have a job in the sense of the word, and her grandmother had a cottage on the lake and now was really the ideal time to be here.</p>
<p>It was private.That was why Mia felt secure enough to have found this secluded patch of sun on a channel far from any potentially-inhabited cottages, so that she could just enjoy being alone and singing the songs that were stuck under her skin.She certainly wouldn't want to be singing them in front of her grandma.</p>
<p>This one wasn't <em>bad</em>, per se, but it felt like a guilty pleasure nonetheless.</p>
<p>"<em>And I do want to show you</em></p>
<p>
  <em>I will run to you to you til I</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Can't stand on my own</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Anymore I</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Cross my heart</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And hope to die"</em>
</p>
<p>Mia let the last note fade and closed her eyes, feeling pleased and deciding what to sing next.</p>
<p>Something rustled behind her.She knew it was probably the wind, or a bird, or squirrel, but her brain said 'what if it's a <em>bear</em> and it's looking for food for winter and you <em>summoned</em> it to kill and eat you'</p>
<p>So Mia glanced over her shoulder, confident that she wouldn't see anything.</p>
<p>Her heart leapt to her throat.</p>
<p>No one should have heard her singing, but there was someone just in the shade of the trees, watching without expression.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>After yet another argument with Sylvain about the other's <em>habits</em>, Felix had needed some air.He'd intended to get a sword and swing it around a bit (he bristled thinking about the way he'd been teased for packing a sword).So he'd left their campsite and started hiking back to his father's 'cottage', if it could rightfully be called that.</p>
<p>What it was was a mansion, and totally lacking in all the charm and <em>point</em> of a cottage.He'd been stopped in his tracks when he heard a voice.He had <em>thought</em> he'd made it clear he didn't want either Sylvain nor Ingrid following him in this mood.</p>
<p>But the voice wasn't coming from behind him.It was nearer to the water of the channel, and it wasn't speaking, it was singing. </p>
<p>Felix's curiosity got the better of him.He hadn't expected other campers at this time in the week, and they were close enough to Fraldarius property that this person might be trespassing.His path veered to the shore, and as he neared, he tripped over himself, gasping.</p>
<p>He recognized the words.</p>
<p>But why was she singing an eleven-year-old song?He found his way nearer, until he could see the short-haired brunette sitting on bare rock, facing the lake and singing one of the songs that--</p>
<p>Nostalgia and that familiar hurt made Felix's chest tighten, but he couldn't move.He didn't know what to do--</p>
<p>She finished the song, trailing off on the final note,</p>
<p>"<em>Cross my heart and hope to die..."</em></p>
<p>The girl fell silent, perhaps contemplative.Felix distantly realized he was staring at a strange woman in the woods, that he hadn't made his presence known--but all he could really do was cling to that strange sadness, nursing it.</p>
<p>She checked over her shoulder.Even from here, Felix could hear the gasp leave her throat and see the panic cross her face.</p>
<p>He had to put her at ease.</p>
<p>He said, "What's your problem?"</p>
<p>The girl leapt to her feet, backing up and glancing to the side, down the hill a little ways."Nothing!I was just--you didn't <em>hear</em>--"</p>
<p>"You singing a song from over a decade ago?" Felix finished.</p>
<p>She swallowed."Sorry.Sorry for bothering.I'll--"</p>
<p>"I didn't say it bothered me," Felix snapped.</p>
<p>"Ah," the girl said, glancing behind her once again, perhaps deciding whether it would be best to continue backing away until she'd fallen into the lake.</p>
<p>"You're going to fall," Felix pointed out.</p>
<p>The girl froze.She had a hard time deciding what to do with her hands.The silence stretching out was even too much for Felix.</p>
<p>"I'm Felix," he said, glancing at her face long enough to see her eyebrows shoot up.</p>
<p>"Um, I'm Mia."</p>
<p>"Hmph."He looked to the side.</p>
<p>Mia breathed in, shakily."I didn't think anyone would be out here.Sometimes it's just--I <em>know</em> I'm not a singer, I just like to, I'm not <em>trying</em> to be a singer."</p>
<p>"You sounded fine," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Fine," Mia repeated.</p>
<p>"Are you going to keep going or not?"</p>
<p>"<em>Excuse me?</em>"</p>
<p>Felix was not sure what had possessed him to ask that, but it was done.The words had been spoken."Do you only sing late 2000s pop-punk or do you like other music?"</p>
<p>"I don't even know how to describe--why?I should be going!" Mia threw her hands up."God, I'm so embarrassed."</p>
<p>"Wait," Felix said.</p>
<p>To his surprise, Mia stood still, and he saw that she looked quickly from his face to the ground.</p>
<p>He frowned."You," he said.He clenched his fists and then opened them.He hoped that Ingrid and Sylvain were still entertained at the campsite, not coming closer to overhear whatever was happening to him right now.He looked at Mia's face, her wide brown eyes and the fluffy hair that stuck up above them.</p>
<p>Mia looked him in the eye, so it was Felix's turn to avert his gaze. </p>
<p>"Why would you even sing that?" he asked under his breath.</p>
<p>"Why would I--" Mia said, and halted.</p>
<p>God what a pain.Was she really going to falter and trail off in the middle of every sentence?Or had she not heard him?He grit his teeth and repeated the question louder.</p>
<p>"I don't know," she admitted."I just like it?For some stupid reason?It's fun to sing along to, I don't know.It doesn't matter."</p>
<p>"My brother listened to them," Felix said, without thinking.He felt the bridge of his nose warming up and tried to cover it with his hand.He checked sidelong to see what Mia's face was doing, but he couldn't read her expression.He turned his body away from her so that he could stare straight ahead.</p>
<p>"Oh."</p>
<p>That one syllable lanced through him.Would he have her pity now?He waited for her to say more, or even to leave, but she didn't.</p>
<p>"So?Are you going to sing another one or not?"</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mia could not believe this man, this rude, arrogant, eavesdropper.Sing another one?As though she could just make sounds when other people were listening? <span class="Apple-converted-space"> She wished it <em>had</em> just been a bear she summoned, at least that wouldn't ask her to <em>sing</em>.</span></p>
<p>"Are you kidding?Who are you, even?"</p>
<p>"I told you," Felix said.</p>
<p>Mia wanted to growl."I don't sing in front of people."</p>
<p>"You sang in front of me."</p>
<p>"I didn't know I was being <em>spied</em> on!" Mia exploded."I--"</p>
<p>She stopped, because she didn't really want to run away.Felix looked at her, and away from her, and his sharp jaw stood out against the dark fabric of his sweater.If he wanted to murder her, he probably could have grabbed her by now.</p>
<p>"What's the difference?" he asked bluntly.</p>
<p>She hissed in a breath."So <em>you're</em> fine just bursting into song in front of people you don't know?"</p>
<p>"I don't sing," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Of course not.Neither do I," Mia said, crossing her arms.</p>
<p>Something flickered across his face, but Mia didn't know what it was.Amusement, maybe.If it was, then it would make her want to smile, too.She forced herself to glare.</p>
<p>"Is that your favourite song or something?" Felix asked.He kept doing that, blurting things out just as Mia was about to make her retreat.It was like he knew she couldn't resist answering people.</p>
<p>"No, I like the newer ones better.I don't even like them, really, I just--got into the band by mistake."She wondered why it was always so hard to admit to liking them.</p>
<p>"My brother liked them," Felix said again.He rubbed the back of his neck."We'd listen to <em>Masterpiece Theatre</em>, before.But I think I like <em>Ever After</em> best."</p>
<p>Mia had gotten into them much later, so she wasn't really familiar with <em>Masterpiece Theatre</em>."<em>Astoria</em> was the first one I got.Somehow <em>One Love</em> came on every time I was driving and I sang along to it.So I wanted to know what the other songs were like."</p>
<p>"Were you going through a breakup or something?"</p>
<p>"No, I just like stupid breakup songs," Mia said."Since always.Like I live vicariously through other people's melodrama."</p>
<p>The ghost of an expression again.Mia sighed.She was really in a conversation now.</p>
<p>"At least you aren't the source of your own," Felix grumbled, like she knew who he was vagueing about.</p>
<p>"I really don't have much opportunity for melodrama, no," Mia admitted."This is the most I've had in a long time."</p>
<p>Felix snorted."You're overreacting."</p>
<p>"Maybe," Mia said.She tried to wade out of the fact that she was in a conversation to decide what was really happening.Was she being hit on?She didn't feel like it, it wasn't like when that high school kid mistook her for someone his own age and started complimenting her.Then again, maybe Felix was just bad at flirting.It wouldn't surprise her.He seemed...surly.</p>
<p>"How long are you up here?" Felix asked, jolting her back into the conversation.</p>
<p>"Hmm the whole week," Mia said.</p>
<p>"Same, I took the week to spend with a couple friends," Felix said."My father's so-called <em>cottage </em>is the first one out of the channel."</p>
<p>And why, pray tell, would he tell her that? </p>
<p>"That fortress?I thought there was on order of knights living there." Mia had never seen any activity there, but she could've kicked herself for not considering its nearness when choosing her private singing-spot.  Of course there would be rich people enjoying the privacy of October up here.</p>
<p>The corners of his mouth lifted."I bet he'd love to think of himself that way.It's ridiculous.It doesn't belong here and besides, the point of going up North isn't to live in luxury."</p>
<p>"Oh, then you'd love our cottage," Mia laughed."It's very sixties.Rave reviews from people canoeing past us include 'now <em>there's</em> a fixer-upper' and 'I'm glad people don't use that kind of siding anymore'."</p>
<p>Felix frowned."It's not on Myrrdin Bay, is it?"</p>
<p>Mia hoped she hadn't said too much.But then, if he wanted to kill her, he could do so out here.And if he was so rich to live in the Fortress then it's not like there was anything he'd be interested in stealing.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Mia said.She was in this deep, already.</p>
<p>"I think I know which one you mean.That might be a little too rustic for my liking," Felix said.</p>
<p>Mia laughed. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>What was happening?Felix didn't make people laugh.He wasn't funny.He hadn't been <em>trying</em> to be funny. </p>
<p>"You're ridiculous," he said, covering his mouth with his hand.</p>
<p>Mia looked apologetic for a moment, then threaded her fingers together and shifted her weight.She caught his eye and he was sorry he'd made her stop laughing.</p>
<p>"Can't you sing something else?I'll--" Felix paused.What could he offer?They were strangers.But he was relaxing, the argument with Sylvain forgotten, the tension in his shoulders that he'd been carrying since the drive up almost gone. </p>
<p>"I don't really," Mia began.</p>
<p>"I'll owe you," Felix said simply.</p>
<p>Mia sized him up.He tried to hold her gaze, but dropped his eyes after a few moments, feeling his face heating up again.</p>
<p>"Forget it," he said."It's stupid."</p>
<p>"Did you really enjoy it that much?" Mia asked, her voice a little plaintive.</p>
<p>He could not tell her that the familiar lyrics had almost knocked him over, nor that the bitter nostalgia they'd brought him had now been replaced by strange calm.</p>
<p>He said."I guess."</p>
<p>"I'm not that good at the older stuff," Mia said, turning away from him to face the lake.</p>
<p>"Something from <em>Ever After</em>, then," Felix suggested, not liking the--was it <em>hopefulness?</em>--blooming in his chest. </p>
<p>It didn't have to be from the album he'd listened to with Glenn.Maybe this would tell him something anyway, like whether the calm had come from the memories or just from hearing someone sing right in front of him.</p>
<p>For a moment, Felix thought that she was going to refuse, but then she inhaled, exhaled, nodded to herself, and inhaled again.</p>
<p>
  <em>"An empty room, I'm empty too,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And everything just reminds me of you"</em>
</p>
<p>Felix' breath caught in his throat.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mia sang, shutting her eyes when she thought she felt Felix moving closer to her.What the Hell was she thinking?Was she really so desperate for attention that she would willingly sing in front of another human being--a stranger?Yet when she finished singing and turned around and saw Felix standing next to her, wearing a little more expression this time around, she knew why she'd complied.</p>
<p>He was beautiful, fair and sharp.His eyes were bright and intelligent, though there were bags under them.He looked just a little vampiric, but before he caught her looking, he almost had a soft expression. </p>
<p><em>Wow, a chance meeting with a handsome stranger who possibly likes the sound of your voice</em>, Mia thought, swallowing heavily.</p>
<p>"So," she choked out.</p>
<p>He seemed to shake himself out of something, his expression getting sharp again."Thank you.Can I get your number?Since I owe you," he clarified.</p>
<p>"I--don't have a phone.You know what," Mia said, the nearness to him and the weight of this encounter suddenly too real, "don't worry about it.I should get back.Before I'm missed.Um, nice meeting you, Felix."</p>
<p>He blinked at her.She turned away and hurried down to where her kayak was waiting, pushing it into the water and wobbling into the seat before he could say anything else.</p>
<p>Had he, she knew that she would have stayed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey, hey, this is my first ever fic! I have no idea what I am doing or why, but thank you for reading.</p><p>At this point it's more or less just practice, but I've got an outline that seems to be stretching out quite a ways. Still, I don't know that there's enough of a plot for it to be engaging, so I'll just keep throwing song references around as I please!</p><p>The title comes from Daughtry's 'Just Found Heaven' which is going to sort of be the main inspiration for the story.</p><p>I figured that Glenn would be the kind of emo young man to introduce his brother to Marianas Trench, so that's what he did.</p><p>Ingrid's going to be more important pretty soon.  And I mean what I say in the tags; if this gets boring for me then Things will start getting weird.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. then i saw grace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ha ha what if you sang to me again....just kidding! unless...</p>
<p>In which a bargain is struck</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What the Hell had any of that been.Felix had watched Mia go, paddling swiftly away from shore, like she couldn't get away from him fast enough.So be it.It was like he'd just woken up from a dream that he'd thought was reality, but on consideration followed no logic known to the waking world.He had shrugged and tried to put it from his mind.</p>
<p>But the memories of Glenn had been disturbed.By the time he got to the cottage (the 'Fortress', as Mia had called it), Felix was angry again, remembering what the place <em>used</em> to look like, when he and Glenn had run wild in the trees, getting covered in mosquito bites and stinging nettle.It was so landscaped now as to be unrecognizable. </p>
<p>Instead of risking going inside, and running into his old man, Felix veered away to go back to the campsite.There, he ignored Sylvain and Ingrid's questions and lay on his back in the tent, plugging in his earphones.He shut his eyes and folded his arms.</p>
<p>As soon as he was relaxed--literally, as soon as he was relaxed--Sylvain tugged out the right earbud.</p>
<p>Felix sat up, growling incoherently.</p>
<p>"Easy, man!I just want to know what's the matter," Sylvain said, somewhere between his sugary, cheerful voice and the one reserved for people he was being honest with."I didn't think you were that mad at me."</p>
<p>"It's nothing," Felix snapped, tugging the earbud still in Sylvain's hand.</p>
<p>"Is this about--"</p>
<p>"No." Felix turned onto his side, hoping Sylvain would get the message. </p>
<p>After a little while, he did, leaving Felix to his thoughts.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>"How was your trip?" her mother, gardening, asked as Mia walked by to carry her paddle to the dilapidated boathouse."See anything interesting?"</p>
<p>Mia knew by the way her face felt that there would be minimal lying.She shrugged."I ran into a guy.We talked a bit."</p>
<p>"Oh, where was that?"</p>
<p>"Aegis Channel," Mia said.There were enough twisting offshoots where you could run into other boaters, so she knew she didn't have to explain how she came to be talking to this stranger."He's from the big one right at the entrance to it.I wonder if Seteth has any dirt on him, since he has to know everyone's business."</p>
<p>"Probably," Mia's mother laughed.</p>
<p>Mia smiled and put her paddle away, telling herself that everything would be fine, because there was no way she would ever see Felix again.</p>
<p>It was reassuring, but Mia couldn't help but feel a little sad, like she had missed an opportunity.<em>An opportunity?</em> She asked herself.<em>To do </em>what<em>?</em>Laughing a little at her own silliness--imagine, wanting to see such a demanding, brusque, stupid-faced man again--Mia headed inside, got out her pliers and beads, plugged in her headphones, and started working on another ring, teal and navy blue.Her lips moved along with the words she listened to, but she didn't make a sound as she worked.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>"I'm not sleeping out here overnight again," Ingrid complained the next morning when they emerged into the frosty morning."It's been fun, but last night was just too cold."</p>
<p>"Aww, you could've said so," Sylvain said with a wink, mussing his bedhead into something miraculously attractive.Ingrid punched him on the arm.</p>
<p>Felix was quiet, but that wasn't unusual.He scanned the campsite, knowing Ingrid was right and he'd have to spend some of his nights in the Fortress.Well, it had been pleasant up to this point.They made a small fire and ate on a blanket on the cold ground.</p>
<p>It was a quiet, companionable silence, and the friends had a routine from many years ago.They ate, cleaned up, and started to wordlessly disassemble the tent.When they were done, they hauled everything to the Fortress.</p>
<p>Inside, Rodrigue greeted them warmly.He was sitting at the kitchen counter with a cup of tea, working at his laptop.Ingrid returned his greeting and poured herself a mug.</p>
<p>At the sound of their voices, a sleek, grey cat charged into the kitchen, to wind around Felix's legs and scream.Her fluffy tail swung madly.</p>
<p>"Didn't you feed the creature?" Felix demanded.</p>
<p>Rodrigue smiled."Of course I did.Dahlia missed you, that's all."</p>
<p>"Lies," Felix spat, scooping up the yelling animal.He carried her into the sitting room, only kissing her little forehead when he was out of sight."If you waited until he wasn't there, you would've got your second breakfast.Do better, Estoc."</p>
<p>Estoc purred and cried at the same time, knowing that her plan was foiled but happy, nonetheless, to have her favourite person back.</p>
<p>Someone approached from behind.Felix dumped the cat on the floor, but it was only Sylvain.</p>
<p>"I'm taking the canoe out," Felix said.He didn't want to stay in much longer, not when it was looking to be as nice a day as the previous."Are you coming, Sylvain?"</p>
<p>Sylvain flapped his hand, engrossed with his phone."In a bit.Just matched with with this real hot--"</p>
<p>"Fuck you, I'll go with Ingrid," Felix snapped.</p>
<p>"At least ask me before you make declarations," Ingrid protested.She had just scooped her book, some insipid fantasy romance, off the coffee table, and set down her tea.</p>
<p>"Forget it, then," Felix said, turning on his heel.He could see his old man close his laptop in the next room.It was time to make his exit.As he snatched his jacket off the chair, he saw Ingrid roll her eyes and exercised great restraint in not slamming the glass door behind him.</p>
<p>He shoved the navy blue canoe off the dock and held it in place with his foot, lazily checking his phone with one hand.He had a message from Dimitri, a simple 'How are you enjoying being up North? Say hi to your father, Ingrid, and Sylvain!'</p>
<p>Rolling his eyes, Felix shoved his phone back in his pocket without replying.He got into the boat and pulled a paddle out, following the shore away from the channel.If that took him to Myrrdin Bay, well, he'd boated that way before.He didn't have to avoid it just because he'd met someone from there.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mia didn't really garden.She just hung around her mom, hands in her sweatpants pockets, and watched the chipmunks gathering acorns in a frenzy.The <em>snip,</em> <em>snip</em>, of her mother's pruning was relaxing.In the back garden, her grandmother was turning over the now brown bean plants.</p>
<p>The breeze rustled the trees, knocking more leaves to the ground.It was the right time to be here, with the colours at their peak.In a week the trees wouldn't look half as beautiful.</p>
<p>Turning to face the lake, Mia saw a canoe rounding the corner of the bay.The water sparkled in the sun.Maybe she should get her kayak out again today, go in the direction <em>opposite</em> Aegis Channel and keep her mouth shut the whole time.You know, so that she could enjoy the sounds of nature.</p>
<p>"Do you think it's still supposed to rain tomorrow?" Mia asked.She unzipped her hoodie.The sun was really warm today.</p>
<p>"You could listen to the radio to find out," her mom replied.</p>
<p>"Hm.I guess."Fiddling with finding a decent station up here wasn't Mia's idea of a worthwhile time.She thought about maybe walking along the road, bringing the camera in case she spotted a photogenic chipmunk or, if she was lucky, a nice little snake.</p>
<p>The canoe, meanwhile, was getting closer steadily, its occupant paddling with purpose.</p>
<p>Whatever Mia's decision, she had to make it soon, before she got roped into helping with the garden.She chose kayak, and went to get her life preserver.She was just going to stuff it behind the seat on a calm day like this, and because she didn't expect any cops about to check.</p>
<p>When she got back outside, now wearing an old mauve baseball cap with the name of a now-defunct fungicide on it, the canoe was nearly at their dock.</p>
<p>"Are they coming here?" Mia asked.Her mom turned to look. </p>
<p>"It looks like it.But that's not Seteth."Seteth was the only neighbour likely to drop in, if only to ask how things were for his own catalogue of nosiness.His canoe was brown, not blue like this one, and--</p>
<p>"Oh my God," Mia said."That's the guy."</p>
<p>He guided his canoe until it was bumping gently against the dock, and glared at Mia as though demanding she give a good explanation for inviting him here.</p>
<p>Mia hurried to the dock, to send him on his way. </p>
<p>Felix said, "You're right, this place does look like crap."</p>
<p>"I don't think I said that.What's up?" Mia was conscious of her droopy sweatpants, her too-big hoodie, and the grey Newfoundland and Labrador tee underneath that.She was not, by any reasoning, looking her best.</p>
<p>He eyed the life jacket in Mia's hands.This morning he seemed warier than before.</p>
<p>"I was just going to head out, myself," she said, holding the jacket in front of her swinging drawstrings.</p>
<p>Felix was maybe not looking his best, but he had a teal-ish windbreaker on that looked, well, <em>new</em>, and his jeans weren't stretched out at the knees, unlike <em>somebody's</em> pilling sweatpants.</p>
<p>"Why not just come with me?" Felix asked, like he was saving her the trouble by suggesting the obvious.</p>
<p>Once again, Mia wanted to ask just who he was.</p>
<p>Instead, her mother had pulled off her gloves and joined them at the dock.</p>
<p>"This is Felix," Mia said, glad that she remembered.It wasn't exactly a name you heard often."I ran into him yesterday."</p>
<p>Felix narrowed his eyes, but he nodded."It's nice to meet you."He looked back at Mia."Are you coming or not?"</p>
<p>Mia glanced at her mother for something.Permission?Help?Advice?She found nothing of use while her mind was whirring away the way it was.</p>
<p>"Why not?" Mia said.He had had his chance to kill her.Now he knew that her mother knew what he looked like, if Mia went missing.Right?</p>
<p>"Well," her mom said, but she, too, seemed to be in the midst of some internal conflict.</p>
<p>All Mia was going off of was that feeling of a missed opportunity from the day before.Now was her chance to find out...something.</p>
<p>"He's cool," Mia found herself saying, as though she ever talked like that."No bad vibes," she added quietly.</p>
<p>"Well go, then," her mom said."You've already got your life jacket and everything."</p>
<p>Awkwardness rose up in Mia's stomach, all the way to her throat.<em>I'm a grown person</em>, she thought.Everyone here knew it.So why was she looking for permission? </p>
<p>Maybe the real question was <em>why am I agreeing to sit in a canoe with the rude eavesdropper?</em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Felix held the canoe steady against the dock while Mia climbed in.He didn't look at either her or her mother. </p>
<p>"I've canoed like, once," Mia said, reaching behind her to drag the second paddle forward and held it incorrectly.</p>
<p>"Hmph," Felix said.</p>
<p>"So don't expect too much," Mia finished.</p>
<p>He pushed the canoe backward and adjusted his grip on his own paddle."Hold it like this.No, further down."</p>
<p>Mia awkwardly did as instructed.</p>
<p>Felix bit back his scathing criticism and instead simply grimaced. </p>
<p>"You do all the steering from back there, right?"</p>
<p>"Yes," Felix hissed.</p>
<p>Mia laughed, facing forward.</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>They paddled around to get a full view of the front of Mia's family cottage.The siding was dirty but still somehow very reflective and aluminum, the stone garden walls that had once been hastily cobbled were now beginning to bow and crack, and a pinwheel missing a leaf wobbled forlornly to and fro.Paint on the boathouse door flaked and chipped.</p>
<p>"Okay, it does look like crap," Mia said under her breath.</p>
<p>"What was that?"</p>
<p>Mia shot him a glare over her shoulder."You were right.It looks like crap.At least it has character."</p>
<p>"I guess."</p>
<p>They paddled onward, to the next cottage.It had been recently remodelled, with a new pine deck and bright white trim. </p>
<p>"So what do you want?" Mia asked."Or is taking me on a canoe ride your way of settling a debt?"</p>
<p>Felix didn't want to talk about that."Maybe.You're doing some of the work, though."</p>
<p>"Would you rather paddle me around like a gondolier?"</p>
<p>"Shut up," Felix muttered.</p>
<p>Mia stuck her paddle into the water, ineffectually."Then <em>you</em> would sing to <em>me</em>."</p>
<p>Felix's lip curled up."That's enough."</p>
<p>"So then?"</p>
<p>So, what?Felix let the silence draw out.They passed another property, this one currently under construction. </p>
<p>"What do you do?" Mia asked when they were about halfway around the bay.</p>
<p>"I work for my father," Felix said. </p>
<p>"Doing?"</p>
<p>Felix grit his teeth."Security."</p>
<p>"Cool," Mia said.</p>
<p>Another silence.The water became shallower, closer to the opposite shore, and Mia peered over the edge of the boat.</p>
<p>Felix stopped paddling and they drifted among maple leaves so bright yellow they were almost neon.</p>
<p>"What do you think of cats?" Mia said, out of the blue.</p>
<p>"They're stupid," Felix said."Do you have one?"</p>
<p>Mia looked over her shoulder at him."We've got semi-feral barn cats at home, they come and go."</p>
<p>"Barn cats?" Felix crinkled his nose.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I live on a small farm," Mia explained."The cats are supposed to, I don't know, catch mice or something.But they just eat our leftovers and have kittens and die."</p>
<p>She said that quietly.</p>
<p>Felix tugged at his ponytail."Cats," he said.</p>
<p>"Do you have any pets?"</p>
<p>"Mm.Estoc.She's from some breeder in Kingston.She's five.She's a cat," he added.</p>
<p>"Estoc?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>"It's a kind of sword," Felix clarified.</p>
<p>"Oh," Mia said.</p>
<p>They drifted.</p>
<p>"Are your barn cats friendly?"</p>
<p>Mia bobbed her head."Some are, and some are wild as anything."</p>
<p>"Estoc's just noisy as fuck."She had ruined so many of his videos by screaming, but he forgave her, of course.</p>
<p>Mia laughed.</p>
<p>They were getting too close to the shore, so Felix began paddling again.Mia fumbled with her own.</p>
<p>"Don't bother," he said.She stilled, resting the paddle in front of her."Would you," he began."I mean..."</p>
<p>"Is that why you came by?"</p>
<p>Felix bristled."I didn't even ask anything."</p>
<p>She turned her head, enough that he could see she was smiling, but that her cheeks were pinkish.</p>
<p>"Fine.Sing something," he said, ducking under his bangs.</p>
<p>Mia tapped her fingers on the side of the canoe."You really liked hearing me?"</p>
<p>"Obviously."</p>
<p>"You didn't mind?"</p>
<p>Felix began to growl, but stopped himself."No.I liked it.I want to hear more."</p>
<p>"Something you know?"</p>
<p>"Whatever.You don't have to if you don't want."</p>
<p>Mia looked down at the water."Promise you'll show me a picture of your cat."</p>
<p>"Done."</p>
<p>She nodded, and Felix felt better about all this.He sighed with relief.</p>
<p>Mia was quiet for a long time, and then she started to hum.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Gone all my life</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Worried about my soul</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Brimstone and fire</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Stories I've been told</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Then I saw grace</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Right before my eyes</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I should break through those gates</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And fall from the sky"</em>
</p>
<p>Felix had never heard this before, but there was something in the words that he needed, that he had been neglecting in himself.He paddled in time to it, deliberately, steadily, shivering under his jacket.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Hate to let you down</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hate to let you down"</em>
</p>
<p>What was this?Felix did his best to pay attention to the lyrics, so he could look it up later.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Hate to say it now</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hate to say it now, but"</em>
</p>
<p>Mia sang with her head turned partly to him, perhaps so that her voice would carry back to him better. Her filthy old cap cast her face in shadow.</p>
<p>
  <em>"I don't really care where I go when I die</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'Cause I just found heaven"</em>
</p>
<p>Hearing it this way, a cappella in a canoe while sunshine lit up countless leaves like a million candles floating on the water, Felix once again felt like he was in a dream.Who <em>was</em> Mia?His stomach did things, flippy things, especially when she reached the second verse.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Sins wash away</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dark turns to light</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Your body's a temple</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So take me inside"</em>
</p>
<p>Felix knew his face had to be red.He kept on paddling, no longer aware of the cottages they passed by.But he felt he understood the words, the feelings.He had not expected Mia to sing something so...irreverent?</p>
<p>It was mesmerizing.</p>
<p>The song ended with the same humming that had led into it.</p>
<p>When Mia fell quiet, Felix didn't say anything right away.He stared glassily ahead, at the trees far away on the shore in front of them.</p>
<p>"Thank you," he said, after a while.</p>
<p>Mia just nodded.</p>
<p>"Maybe I'll be back tomorrow," he said."If that's all right?"</p>
<p>"Okay," Mia breathed.She looked at him, her brown eyes serious.Then she smiled."With cat pictures."</p>
<p>"Yeah.As many as you want to see."</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When Felix got back to the Fortress (why was it so <em>easy</em> to call it that all of a sudden?) he hauled the canoe up out of the water and tossed the paddle into it.He whipped out his phone and went right to the internet, typing in all the words he remembered from the song as he walked.</p>
<p>The result popped up: 'Just Found Heaven song by Daughtry'</p>
<p>He had it downloaded by the time he opened the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You're wondering, "Why did Rodrigue call Felix's cat Dahlia when her name is Estoc"<br/>Dahlia is the name the cat came with, when Rodrigue got her from the breeder for Felix. I might...include that story...in a later chapter :3</p>
<p>Backstory will be revealed in a trickle while I pay attention to the important things, like keeping usage of the word 'paddle' down to a mere dozen times</p>
<p>Also this may be the EH-U but I will stick as many Fodlanian names in as I please. Only big cities are safe</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. wash the angels from your hair</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cliches and a transaction</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It didn't just rain the following day, it poured.Mia had to run from the little cabin where she slept to the big cottage where you know, breakfast was, and she still got wet for her trouble.Her feet splashed on rocks and moss, soaking the bottoms of her pants.</p><p>She was pretty sure Felix wouldn't be stopping by today.</p><p><em>Good,</em> she told herself.<em>It's not like I wanted to see him, anyway.</em></p><p>All while she, her mother, and her grandmother ate, though, Mia thought about the look on Felix's face in the canoe.In fact, she had thought about it practically all night.What a stupid song choice!She had forgotten about the 'your body's a temple' line when she'd started, simply wanting to sing that one for the humming that led into it.Did he think she was at all comfortable with...that...topic?Was that why he'd asked to visit again?</p><p><em>Oh, dear</em>, Mia thought.<em>Oh, shit.</em></p><p>Well, she didn't have to worry about it today.Maybe by the time the weather cleared up, he'd have forgotten all about her, or the week would be over and they'd never see each other again.Too bad.</p><p>Mia helped dry the dishes when they were finished eating, and got her jewellery-making supplies out to the kitchen table.She turned on her MP3 player, and set to work.</p><p>The third song on shuffle was <em>Just Found Heaven</em>.Mia hastily skipped it.She turned up the volume on Jann Arden and wrapped a set of three wires around a ring mandrel.</p><p>Her mother and grandmother began shuffling a tremendous stack of cards at the end of the table.Coffee steamed in their cups.It was a rainy day up North.</p><p>Felix had said that he had friends he was taking the week off with.Mia wondered if they were playing cards.She wondered if he ever <em>really </em>smiled or not.Did he bring his sword-cat with him to the Fortress, or could he afford some kind of cat-sitter?</p><p>At least she knew his stance on cats.She'd read that was a good way to suss out if a man was Evil, by hearing what they thought of cats.Felix said they were stupid, but in Mia's experience they were just that.Cats were wonderful little idiots, always falling off decks and meowing pathetically for food while being completely unaware of the treats directly beneath their pink noses.And Felix had sounded pretty fond when talking about his pet.</p><p>Mia was halfway into her second ring, the wires splayed out and threatening to jab her in the eye, when her mom asked if she'd heard something.Mia pulled one earbud out.</p><p>"I can't hear," Mia said.</p><p>There was general shrugging and they put it down to a spruce cone hitting the roof.</p><p>Mia was the only one whose back was not to the kitchen window.After a few minutes, she saw a draggled young man cross in front of her view.</p><p>"Oh no," Mia breathed.She shut off her music and got up, hearing when there was a knock at the back door.</p><p>"Who is it?" Mia's grandma asked.</p><p>"It's this guy I met kayaking," Mia said, hating that Felix would put her through this.She got up and hurried to the door.</p><p>Felix was soaked through.</p><p>"Oh my god," Mia said."Come in.What are you doing here?"</p><p>"I said I'd come," Felix said.</p><p>"You didn't canoe, did you?"</p><p>Felix dripped onto the orange carpet in the entryway.He unzipped his sopping jacket (it didn't have a hood) and shook his head, enough that water droplets flew from his bangs.He pushed at them with his hand and they went all spiky.</p><p>"I took the speedboat," Felix said.</p><p>"Well," Mia began.</p><p>Mia's mom asked if Felix wanted coffee.She and Mia's grandmother were both up, the latter already fussing and talking about putting more wood into the stove.</p><p>"Yes.Thank you."</p><p>Mia introduced Felix and backed out of the small entry now that there was a crowd.She decided to take charge of the coffee, finding a cup for him and asking over her family members if he wanted anything in it.</p><p>"Black's fine," Felix called.His jacket had been forcibly removed from his hands, and draped over a chair in front of the wood stove.He looked dismayed.</p><p>It was kind of cu--.</p><p>Mia ground her teeth and spun the lid of the coffee thermos closed.Not likely.He was just a stinky rude man.Who she had willingly sung to.Twice.It didn't mean he liked her and it certainly didn't mean that she liked him.They were <em>acquaintances</em>.</p><p>"What's all this?" Felix asked, when he saw the wires, pliers, beads, and other tools on the kitchen table.Mia took up a lot of space with her sprawl.</p><p>She explained that she was making rings, and how she had a little online shop that she had started the month before.She offered the newest addition, silver with sparkly pink beads clustered on top, for him to examine.</p><p>"Oh," he said."How much do you sell them for?"He turned the ring over in his hand, looking at how it caught the light, and how the band was wrapped.</p><p>"Thirty dollars," Mia said.</p><p>"Do you have online banking?"</p><p>Mia blinked."Excuse me?No, I don't even have a phone, remember?"</p><p>Now it was his turn to stare."I thought that was a lie."</p><p>"Why would I tell a lie I know nobody would believe?"</p><p>Felix shook his head."You don't have a phone."</p><p>"No, no online banking either," Mia said.She wasn't going to ask him why he was requesting this information.There was no way surly Felix was buying a ring.</p><p>He sipped his coffee without blowing on it to cool it."No phone, no online banking.I'll be back."</p><p>"Wh--"</p><p>Felix swept to the fire, retrieved his jacket, and sent more water flying when he swung it over his shoulders.Without another word, he had his hiking boots on and was out the door.</p><p>The three women were left in dumbstruck silence.</p><p>"Wow," Mia said.</p><p>"He still has coffee," Mia's grandmother bemoaned. </p><p>They tried to settle back in to their cards and crafts, but the order had been disturbed.Mia had to explain how she knew this peculiar man, and what he was doing here, and then they all speculated as to why he had just left.</p><p>Half an hour later, he returned, wetter than before.His dark hair was plastered to his head, but he declined a towel for it.He got his boots and jacket off again, and sat down in front of his tepid coffee in his black turtleneck as though he hadn't ever left.</p><p>"I'll buy one.To show Ingrid."</p><p>Mia stared at him.Water ran down one side of his face, to his sharp jaw.He wiped it away.</p><p>She fiddled with her pliers."You could just take a picture, you know.Or like, give her a link to my store."<em>Who's Ingrid?</em></p><p>"What, don't you want to sell one?"</p><p>Mia stood up, exhaling to buy herself time."Who's Ingrid?What does she like?What a young woman likes is different from an older one, usually."Her completed rings were in a case in the back room, brought up here to show her grandmother.Felix's eyes followed her as she retrieved it.They widened when he saw how many there were, sorted by size.</p><p>"She's a childhood friend," Felix said."She likes..." He trailed off, waving his hand while he looked at the sparkling rings in their rows.</p><p>Mia had been through something like this before, and summoned her patience."Well, do you at least know her size?If you're buying it just to show her, what were you planning on doing with it after?"</p><p>Felix did not seem to have an answer.He plucked at a minty green ring and put it back in its place.He glanced at his phone sitting on the table.He sipped his now very cold coffee.Finally he said, "That's my business, isn't it?"</p><p>He did not make eye contact.</p><p>Mia wasn't going to be picky about the homes her rings went to.She needed the money.</p><p>"All right, whatever.One that's middle-sized, less over the top?To be a sort of general representative?"</p><p>Felix nodded."I don't know how to pick.Why do you have so many?"</p><p>"So that there's something for everyone," Mia retorted, not liking his accusatory tone."Here, this is the same colour as your jacket."She picked out the teal and navy blue one she'd made on Monday.It was an awkward, non-standard size, so she hadn't known how to list it, anyway.</p><p>He took it."That's fine."He experimentally slid it over his pinky finger.It fit, and Mia rose her eyebrows.</p><p>A smile ghosted over Felix's lips.He reached into his jeans and pulled out a pair of rolled up twenties. </p><p>Mia took them, their fingertips brushing across the table.</p><p>Snatching her hand and her payday away, she told Felix she'd get him his change.She hastily turned away to hide her face.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"No," Mia repeated.</p><p>Felix looked off to the window at the front of the cottage."What am I going to do with a ten?We're even."</p><p>"You still owe me cat pictures," Mia reminded him.</p><p>"Ha," he said."All right." </p><p>They went to the front, and sat side by side on the bench there.Okay, so he <em>wasn't</em> stinky.He just smelled clean, and like wet hair.Mia wasn't sure about the rudeness.He had bought a ring, but literally every word out of his mouth was spoken like an accusation.She put thoughts of whether or not she liked him out of her mind.He was strange, he liked her singing, and he had brought cat pictures.There was nothing more to think about.</p><p>Felix brought his phone out to show off his <em>exquisite</em> cat.Mia was in love.Estoc was the longest cat she'd ever seen, a powdery, pale grey, and solid except for a few darker stripes on her pointy face.Her tail was this silky, ethereal banner, and Mia wanted to meet her so bad.</p><p>"What a beautiful cat," Mia said, sitting back after the pictures were all done.</p><p>Felix actually did smile."Not when she bites my hair to wake me up so I'll feed her."</p><p>"Better than your face," Mia said. </p><p>"She does that, too."</p><p>Mia stared at the fondness on his face, and realized that she could, indeed, see little red scabs on his chin, where needle-sharp teeth had made their mark.Huh.Imagine if...</p><p>His eyes slid to meet hers.Mia looked away, going red.</p><p>"I need more coffee," she said, standing up."What about you?"</p><p>He stood as well."Yeah."</p><p>They stood, Mia avoiding looking at Felix even though she was dying to know what expression he wore.Oh, that was a stupid face all right.<em>Estoc, I am on your side.Get him.</em> </p><p>Coffee.Focus.</p><p>Mia poured for both of them, opting out of milk this time, herself. </p><p>"Why don't we play euchre?" Mia's mom suggested."There are four of us."</p><p>That sounded good to Mia.It would be better than sitting next to Felix and just talking.</p><p>"All right," Felix said. </p><p>They arranged themselves into teams, Mia sitting across from Felix as his partner.He was still wearing that ridiculous ring on his pinky.The deck was shuffled.The cards were dealt.The game began.</p><p>It was clear what kind of player Felix was.</p><p>"I'll make it spades, for my partner," Mia's mom said.</p><p>Felix glared."That's table-talk."</p><p>"We're not in competition," Mia said.</p><p>He stared at her, aghast."There are still rules."</p><p>"House rules," Mia told him.</p><p>He swallowed."Fine."</p><p>"I lead an ace," he said later, "you should have thrown off."</p><p>Mia rolled her eyes.He was too serious, too competitive.When Mia made a bad play he criticized her after the hand.When her grandmother asked to clarify on the rules regarding ordering up one's partner, he looked like he was going to throw his cards down and forfeit.Significant looks were made over his head when he was rearranging his hand.</p><p>"Hearts are trump," he said.</p><p>"Table talk," Mia accused.</p><p>He <em>sputtered</em>."I'm--"</p><p>Mia laughed."Table talk."</p><p>Felix realized he was being teased and sputtered <em>more</em>."I'm used to taking this seriously, I'm trying to--just because--"</p><p>"Sorry," Mia said."Sorry."</p><p>He grumbled and reached for his coffee, to discover that it was empty.</p><p>"Would you like some more?" Mia's grandma asked.</p><p>He looked at his phone."I should go," he said.</p><p>"It was fun," Mia said.</p><p>"Yeah, I don't think so."</p><p>Mia laughed and her grandma snorted.</p><p>"Well," Mia said, "thanks for the purchase, pleasure doing business with you.And for the pictures of your ethereal cat."</p><p>That coaxed a half-smile out of him.He glanced away."Thanks.For inviting me in.And the coffee.If Ingrid is interested, can I bring her by?"</p><p>"Of course," Mia said.</p><p>His jacket was dry now.He put it on, along with his boots, and left.The rain had lessened to a drizzle, but Mia was glad that she didn't have to go out there.His boat was probably waterlogged.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix's boat had seven centimetres of rainwater sloshing around in it, but there was a built-in pump for just such an occasion.He slipped his ring into his zipped jacket pocket and dealt with the water.Then he untied the frigid, wet ropes from the dock, and started the engine.</p><p>He let himself smile.He did not know what he was going to say when he got back, at least, not to his old man and Sylvain.He had to show Ingrid the ring, because he had the feeling that her friends would be interested in that sort of thing.Ingrid was always sharing pictures of the stuff her one friend--the pink-haired one--made, and so he thought maybe she could give Mia a plug.He owed her, after all.Estoc was great, but Mia had performed for him.The least he could do was try bringing her a bit of business.</p><p>It occurred to Felix as he drove home that he didn't know whether Mia did anything aside from jewellery-making, and that he hadn't even known she did that until today.Did she have a day-job?Did she support herself with online ring sales alone?Normal people would ask about stuff like that.</p><p>Felix tapped the boat's steering wheel.He never really thought about stuff like this.He supposed that he had been pretty rude, but then, she seemed friendly.So maybe he was doing fine.</p><p>It was a short trip to the Fortress.Felix tied up the boat and went inside.</p><p>"Where were you all day?" Sylvain demanded, already at the door like a father waiting to catch his son coming home late for curfew.And Felix hadn't been gone <em>all day</em>, just most of the morning.And an hour of afternoon.</p><p>"Out," Felix said.This was already harder than he wanted it to be.He pulled his boots off, fumbling at the laces with his cold hands.</p><p>"You didn't reply to my messages."</p><p>"Sorry."</p><p>Sylvain grabbed Felix by the upper arm as the shorter man tried to brush past."What's wrong?You're being evasive.More than usual."</p><p>"Nothing's wrong."Felix pulled his arm away.Would it be easier to just tell the truth?That Felix had met a girl who sang for him?Absolutely not.Felix thought of the potential barrage of <em>Sylvain-ness</em> that would surely follow and doubled down.He tried to smile.</p><p>Sylvain recoiled."Now I <em>know</em> something's wrong.You can tell me."</p><p>He looked like a hurt puppy.Felix tried to resist softening, and failed.</p><p>In his true, honest voice, Sylvain said, "If it's something I did, I'm sorry.Either way, I'll help however you want."</p><p>"I'm not mad at you," Felix said, in what he hoped was an honest, not-sarcastic voice."Maybe there is something, but I can handle it myself.Sorry I didn't answer your texts."</p><p>Sylvain's smile was so warm it was probably contributing to the ice caps melting."It's all right.I'm just glad you're back."</p><p>He said the sappiest things.Felix rolled his eyes to signify that the time for heart-to-hearts was over.</p><p>"If I need help, I'll be sure to ask you," he said, because Sylvain had gifted him with his genuine self.</p><p>Sylvain patted his back."I'm surprised you're not wetter."</p><p>"The boat has an awning," Felix said.He looked away.He was beginning to weave a dangerous web of lies...</p><p>"Oh, yeah, duh," Sylvain said, leaving Felix to look through the fridge."Beer?Ingrid's talking to her coach and your dad's babying his car."</p><p>"Sure.Where's the cat?"</p><p>"I think Ingrid grabbed her," Sylvain said.He handed Felix a beer."Going somewhere?Take your jacket off, you weirdo."</p><p>"Right," Felix said.He did as Sylvain told him, distracted by the thought of the ring, the proof that he was a liar who lied to his friends, in the right-hand pocket.He laid the jacket over one of the counter stools and opened his beer.</p><p>"Man, you are out of it.Do you want to just see to your sword, or do you wanna hang out?"Sylvain's grin was lop-sided."Why'd you have to pick a hobby with so much innuendo?I meant that literally, but it works either way."</p><p>Felix was used to this.He took a long draught of beer, determined not to think of Sylvain's clumsy double-entendre."Hang out."</p><p>"Awww," Sylvain said, throwing an arm around Felix to lead him to the couch."You <em>do</em> like me."</p><p>"Shut up," Felix grumbled, but his heart wasn't in it. </p><p>Ingrid appeared in the kitchen door, holding Estoc like a baby."I thought I heard you two.Felix, you're wet.Dry off before you drink cold beer."</p><p>At least she wasn't being nosy.Felix had another swig, out of spite, and obliged Ingrid by going to the washroom to dry off.He guessed she was counting on Sylvain filling her in while he was occupied.Felix downed another gulp.He was friends with schemers.It was okay to lie a little.Maybe.</p><p>He went to his room to change, knowing Ingrid wouldn't be satisfied otherwise, and snatched his earbuds off the nightstand.He put one bud in, and turned on That Song before rejoining his friends to play a different, <em>more fun</em> card game that had them all, even Felix, laughing.</p><p>When Rodrigue came in from the garage, the worry on his face eased at the sight.Felix avoided his gaze and pretended that he and his friends were the only ones in the building.On his lap, Estoc purred.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I can't fit Rodrigue having a horse in here so his steed is his vintage car which he cares for religiously. Why he drove it up North is beyond me. Separation anxiety I suppose.</p><p>One of my oldest friends literally does not have a phone and so this is one way for me to figure out how tf she gets through life</p><p>The chapter title is the first line of Jann Arden's 'Could I Be Your Girl', the second verse of which is maybe more angsty Sylvain, but hey. That could be something for a future fic, when I inevitably fall hard for our favourite ginger flirt.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. let's go, girls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mia meets Ingrid, Mia meets (almost) everyone</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix didn't know how he was going to bring up the whole jewellery-thing to Ingrid without Sylvain catching on that he, Felix, had spoken to a girl, and how could Felix keep that kind of thing from him?Did he like her, was she cute, finally you're loosening up, on and on and on...</p><p>Where was he?Ah.Ingrid was always the first to bed, insisting that sleep was important.Of course, she also tried to bully him and Sylvain into following her schedule, but most nights ended with the two of them watching a movie and ignoring each other, except to show something interesting they'd found on their phones.They'd get to sleep around midnight, when the credits had rolled and Felix had gotten a final word in about how Sylvain's taste was awful.It usually worked quite well for everyone, except when Felix needed an important and confidential word with Ingrid.</p><p>Since the rain wasn't going to let up, apparently, they spent the day inside.It was torturous.Felix was beset with constant reminders of how things had changed, and how they had used to be, before.Hanging out with his friends was nice, but after visiting Mia and meeting new people, he was pretty much ready for solitude. </p><p>"What are you listening to?" Sylvain asked."Every time I look at you the last two days you're plugged in."</p><p>"Nothing," Felix gruffed.</p><p>Ingrid shook her head."Leave him alone."</p><p>Sylvain grabbed Felix's phone off the table, unplugging the headphones and getting up to avoid Felix's reaching hand.With Estoc curled up on his lap, Felix was trapped.</p><p>"What is this?"</p><p>"A song," Felix said.He curled his fingers into Estoc's silky fur.</p><p>Sylvain grinned and raised the volume, and the chorus of <em>Just Found Heaven </em>drifted over the table. </p><p>"Well," Ingrid said."That's not your usual doom and gloom."</p><p>"He's got it on repeat," Sylvain said.</p><p>Felix crossed his arms and looked away."You know that's how I listen to music."</p><p>"Still, what is this?" Sylvain asked, holding the phone just out of reach.</p><p>Felix held his hand out with a glare."I saw a recommendation and I like it, <em>your honour</em>.Now give my phone back."</p><p>"All right, all right," Sylvain said with a laugh."It's kind of sexy, that's all."</p><p>"Shut up," Felix muttered, muting it and laying the phone facedown on the table. </p><p>Sylvain laughed and they resumed their card game.Felix thought about ways to get back at Sylvain.</p><p>***</p><p>It was overcast the next day, but at least it wasn't raining.Felix asked Ingrid after breakfast if she'd want to go out in the boat.She agreed.The plan was in motion.</p><p>"Hey, I'll go, too," Sylvain said, already grinning like a golden retriever.</p><p>"No," Felix said."Not after stealing my phone." </p><p>"Come onnnn," Sylvain whined."Don't be maaad!"</p><p>Felix wasn't anymore.But it was good ammunition for his plan.</p><p>"Too bad," Felix said, turning away because goddammit, he was smiling.</p><p>"I can't bear to be left alone!" Sylvain mock-wailed.</p><p>"I thought you matched with someone," Ingrid said."You'll just be texting them, anyway."</p><p>"I've been <em>neglecting</em> you two," Sylvain threw his arm up dramatically.</p><p>Felix gave him a little shove."Fair is fair."</p><p>Sylvain pouted."I'm a better driver than you."</p><p>"You drive faster," Ingrid said.</p><p>"Exactly," Sylvain said.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes and grabbed his jacket."Let's go, Ingrid."</p><p>When the two of them got to the dock, Ingrid got right to business.</p><p>"So what do you want to talk about?"</p><p>Felix bent to untie the speedboat."Excuse me?"</p><p>"You want to talk to me about something, or you would've caved and let Sylvain come along.I know you're not mad at him," Ingrid said patronizingly.</p><p>He didn't answer that, because she didn't have to make it seem like he was totally predictable.They got in the boat and he fired it up.Ingrid sat beside him at the front, clearly waiting for him to talk.Her gaze was intense.</p><p>"I ran into another cottager.On Monday," Felix said.</p><p>Ingrid just waited for more information.</p><p>Out of sight of the Fortress, Felix fished in his pocket for the ring--he could just imagine what Sylvain would think if he saw <em>this</em> without context--and handed it to Ingrid.She made an appreciative 'ooh' and put it over her finger.It was too loose.</p><p>"She makes this kind of stuff.I thought you'd want to see it, the way you always like and share that one shop's stuff."</p><p>Ingrid gave him a severe look."You mean Hilda?Why the secrecy, though?And when did you meet this girl?Who is she, where--"</p><p>"This is why," Felix interrupted."I knew you'd make it some big deal."</p><p>"I'm not, I'm just curious!"</p><p>"I mean, Sylvain would," Felix corrected. </p><p>"So?Is it a big deal?"</p><p>"It's not!But you're making it one!"</p><p>Ingrid sat back, putting the ring over each finger in turn, but it fit none of them."This suits you.If you wore sparkly things, I mean.It's your colour."</p><p>"Hm."</p><p>"What's her name, at least?She's on the lake, I presume?"</p><p>Felix nodded."Her name is Mia.I asked if I could bring you by, if you liked what you saw."</p><p>"So is this a loaner, then?You could've just messaged me."</p><p>"Sylvain borrows your phone all the time," Felix pointed out."We're almost there."</p><p>Ingrid followed the direction he nodded to."This is so close by!I guess it makes sense you'd meet her, now--"</p><p>"Right."</p><p>"--What doesn't make sense is you talking to someone," Ingrid finished.</p><p>"Maybe you should stop underestimating me."</p><p>They pulled up to the dock."Oh?So you'd be fine meeting, for example, Leonie?"</p><p>"Absolutely not."</p><p>***</p><p>Mia was less surprised when she saw Felix and a blonde woman cross in front of the kitchen window.She hadn't known when they would show up, but she got the feeling that Felix was the kind of person who followed through when he said he would do something.Mia was slightly curious about the kind of friends he kept, if they were as difficult to talk to as he was.</p><p>Ingrid was very pretty.Her hair was braided around the sides of her head, and Mia wondered how long it took her to do that.She wore a sporty, panelled sort of jacket, in minty tones, and plain black leggings.</p><p>"Hi, it's nice to meet you," Ingrid said, offering a firm handshake.Her palms were calloused and her smile was genuine, even if her eyes seemed to be searching for something.</p><p>"Same," Mia said."I only have rings with me, no pendants or anything else."</p><p>"That's fine.Felix didn't even tell me we were going jewellery shopping until we were in the boat," Ingrid said.Felix avoided looking at anyone.</p><p>Mia's mom and grandma offered them all coffee.Felix accepted, but Ingrid did not.Once it was poured, the older adults remained at the kitchen table with their cards while Mia, Felix, and Ingrid went to the front bench.Mia retreated for a moment to get her rings out and opened the lid, making Ingrid gasp.</p><p>"Holy--that's amazing.  You make them by hand?Do you have a shop?"</p><p>Mia explained about her online store.She watched Ingrid pick out what Mia might have described as the gaudiest ring.</p><p>"So sparkly," Ingrid said."Aw, too small."</p><p>Ingrid tried on nearly every ring, even after she had discovered the size that fit her.Felix drank his coffee in complete silence.</p><p>"My friend Hilda makes accessories, too," Ingrid said.She tried on a minty green, but it wouldn't go past her knuckle."Most of them are dried flowers in resin.Pendants and earrings.These are so cute, I bet she'd love to see them."</p><p>"Great, I'll give you the name of the online shop," Mia said.</p><p>Ingrid got out her phone."I'm sending her a picture now."</p><p>Almost immediately her phone buzzed."She sent like six heart emoji.She's asking where I am.Name of your shop?"She handed the phone to Mia to type it in.Mia did, and handed it back to Ingrid.</p><p>"Hey, are you still going to be here Saturday?" Ingrid asked.</p><p>Mia nodded.</p><p>Ingrid looked at Felix."Do you think your dad would mind more guests?I bet Hilda and some of the others would love to come up for the weekend, try on some jewellery, have a little party."</p><p>"Ask him yourself," Felix said. </p><p>"I can't ask, I'm already a guest."</p><p>"You practically grew up here."</p><p>Ingrid rolled her eyes and crafted a message."If he says yes--"</p><p>"He will," Felix put in.</p><p>"--then I'll invite all my friends and see who can make it.If you're so certain why didn't you say so right away?"</p><p>Felix just looked out the window.</p><p>"Sorry about him," Ingrid said.Her phone buzzed.She replied something. </p><p>Mia was a little overwhelmed by all the sudden planning.But she was not going to turn down something like this.It sounded like Ingrid had a lot of friends.</p><p>"Okay, he says it's fine, as long as we see to feeding everyone and are respectful."</p><p>"Then don't invite Leonie," Felix said.</p><p>Ingrid pushed him, gently."You still haven't even met her.She's one of the few who doesn't have any use for this stuff.I mean, I don't wear much jewellery, but I do have fun when I remember to.I ride with Leonie."</p><p>Mia wasn't sure if that meant horses or bikes.She just nodded.As for the rest of it, it wasn't like Mia was wearing any of her own jewellery today.</p><p>"I really want this one, but it's too small," Ingrid said, sadly turning the mint ring around in her fingers.</p><p>"I can try making a similar one by Saturday."</p><p>Ingrid asked how Mia did make them, so Mia explained as best she could.</p><p>"I bet Hilda would love a demonstration," Ingrid said."Can you bring your stuff with you?Hang on, let me get the invitation sent out."</p><p>She ducked to her phone, typing madly.</p><p>Felix snorted."Isn't Hilda a competitor?Mia can't just share her techniques."</p><p>Mia tilted her head."If she's doing resin and florals, it seems like her style is completely different.And it's not like I'm the first person to do wire-wrapped rings, just look at how many results you get for them."</p><p>"Well," Felix said.</p><p>"Hilda's cancelled a date to be there," Ingrid said. </p><p>Mia put a hand to her mouth "Oh no!"</p><p>"She says talking to him is too much work, she deserves sparkly things."Ingrid turned her phone to Mia, the screen showing a pair of delicate resin earrings with pressed lavender suspended inside.They were ovals, with a delicate, braided wire around the edge."This is what she makes."</p><p>"Oh, that's beautiful," Mia said.</p><p>"She's the one who got Sylvain to help her move into her apartment, right?" Felix asked.</p><p>Ingrid laughed."You realize that there are like, six girls who've done that?"</p><p>"I mean the one who took the elevator up with a rolling cart of clothes while he carried her chairs up four flights of stairs."</p><p>"Yeah, that was Hilda."</p><p>"Oh wow," Mia said.</p><p>Ingrid turned back to Mia."I think if you got there at five?That gives us time to settle in and you time to prepare, and a good chunk of evening for the party," Ingrid said.</p><p>"Yeah, that sounds fine," Mia said.Dinner on her side wasn't a very big thing.Her grandma preferred a hot lunch and just sandwiches for dinner.</p><p>"Felix can pick you up by boat," Ingrid said.</p><p>"Why me?"</p><p>Ingrid pinched his cheek."You're right, we can ask Sylvain!"</p><p>Felix pushed her away, red as a beet."Fine!Fine!For the greater good, I'll do it."</p><p>Ingrid grinned."I knew you'd understand.Oh, Mia, don't worry.Sylvain's really nice, he's just--"</p><p>"An insatiable flirt," Felix finished, crossing his arms.</p><p>"Well, yeah," Ingrid agreed."He can make people uncomfortable, and you seem a little shy, but you already kind of know Felix."</p><p>"Yeah," Mia said."It's fine, I'm sure."</p><p>"Sylvain shouldn't be too overwhelming if enough people show up, but I can always send him to his room," Ingrid reassured her.</p><p>That Ingrid apparently had the power to send grown men to their rooms was funny to Mia.She wasn't much for socializing, but she thought Ingrid was practical and kind, and that probably this wouldn't be too difficult.</p><p>"Oh, before we go!Are you going to return your loaner?" Ingrid asked Felix.</p><p>"Loaner?" Mia asked.</p><p>Ingrid looked at the blushing Felix."You bought it?"</p><p>He shut his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose.</p><p>Ingrid bent over, howling with laughter, making Mia's mom and grandma look over from the kitchen table."You're so dumb, Felix!That's really sweet!"</p><p>"If you want a refund," Mia said, "I do understand."</p><p>Ingrid just kept laughing and Felix tried to look above the situation.</p><p>"Are you finished?" he asked.</p><p>"I'm sorry--I'm fine," Ingrid said, catching her breath.She was watched him with a big smile.</p><p>"I don't need a refund," Felix sniffed."You're going to be annoying about this, aren't you?"</p><p>"Don't worry," Ingrid said, "I promise I won't tell Sylvain."</p><p>***</p><p>Felix didn't go see Mia the following day, being too busy helping Ingrid prepare for her friends' arrival.When he had time, he went for a hike with Sylvain, enjoying the ease of being in each other's company and the smells of fallen leaves and wet moss. </p><p>When they got in from their outing, Ingrid's friend Mercedes was sitting at the kitchen island with Ingrid, the two of them drinking tea and talking excitedly.</p><p>"Hello Felix, Sylvain," Mercedes said in her sweet voice.She was wearing little spiderweb earrings for what she called The Month of Halloween."It's so nice to see you again!"She set down her tea and hugged them, making Felix's face go pink.</p><p>"You look as pretty as ever," Sylvain said with a wink.</p><p>"Oh, Sylvain, you make me swoon!I am swooning!"She held the back of her hand to her forehead, dramatically.</p><p>"Sit down, fair lady," Sylvain said, guiding her back to her stool."Oh, why must this always happen?It is a curse to be this charming!"</p><p>Felix and Ingrid exchanged a look that made Sylvain and Mercedes burst into giggles.</p><p>"So when'd you get here?" Sylvain asked.His eyes found the Tupperware of cookies that Mercedes had left on the counter.</p><p>"Just twenty minutes ago," Mercedes said."You can have some of those--I have another two containers for tomorrow night."</p><p>"You had time to bake?" Felix asked.</p><p>"These macarons are leftovers," Mercedes admitted.Sylvain opened the container to reveal an assortment of brown and orange macarons.He took an orange, then passed them to Ingrid.Mercedes went on, "The Exorcist was on tv, so I made squares yesterday night, and cookies right after while watching."</p><p>It never failed to give Felix pause, the casual way that Mercedes would throw on a horror movie and then do something completely sweet and domestic.Like baking cookies, or knitting a scarf to leave out on a bench for anyone who might need one.</p><p>She was the kind of person who put everyone at ease.Felix felt better about the whole upcoming weekend.</p><p>***</p><p>Four other friends of Ingrid arrived throughout Saturday morning.Felix hid away in his room with Estoc until the knock came that his cat's presence was required.Felix opened the door and let Bernadetta in.He didn't mind her.She didn't look at him, just sat on the hardwood and made kissy sounds at Estoc until the cat padded closer.</p><p>"Don't tell Ingrid, but Esty is the only reason I'm here," Bernie admitted.</p><p>"Same," Felix said.He leaned against the dresser. </p><p>Bernie smiled, stroking Estoc's silky fur."I'm gonna have to do another portrait of her."</p><p>"I've got a few new pictures of her," Felix said."I'll send them."</p><p>"That's great," Bernie said.She looked up at him, beaming, before ducking her head again.</p><p>Eventually, Felix did have to venture out into the main part of the Fortress.He was greeted loudly by pink-haired Hilda, and softly by Marianne, who Felix hadn't even thought of in the six months since he last saw her.Dorothea was rolling her eyes at something Sylvain was saying.When she spotted Felix she gracefully walked over and offered her hand.He stared at the floor.</p><p>"Felix, you're as charming as ever," she said, laughing musically.</p><p>"Hello," he said."I'm supposed to bring Mia now, right?"</p><p>Ingrid appeared from the garage, carrying a case of pop."Felix, you haven't left yet?It's almost five!"</p><p>Felix was glad to have a reason to leave the crowded room.He prepared to head out.</p><p>"I'm going, too," Sylvain said, putting on his black, sherpa-lined bomber."Someone has to assure this girl that Felix isn't going to bite."</p><p>Felix just rolled his eyes, too eager to leave to try and dissuade Sylvain.</p><p>"This is fun," Sylvain said as he trailed behind Felix to the boat."Who knew Ingrid would make a friend here?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"You saw her, right?Is she cute?I bet she's cute."</p><p>"I wouldn't know."</p><p>"Oh, come on, you'd notice.I know you think Bernie's cute, and Mercedes' friend Annette whose videos you keep liking, and--"</p><p>"Sylvain?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Shut up."</p><p>Sylvain laughed and helped with the boat.Felix drove, his jaw clenched, and Sylvain draped over his seat and watched the shore go by, wearing the most <em>pleased</em> smile.</p><p>Mia was waiting on the dock of her cottage, a tote bag in her hand and a case at her feet.Felix drew up to the dock and was forced to hold onto it as Sylvain leapt gallantly from the boat.</p><p>"You must be Mia," he said."Wow!Such a pretty woman was here all this time.How could I have lived in ignorance for so long?I'm Sylvain Jose Gautier.Let me help you with your stuff."</p><p>"Oh," Mia said."Nice to--"</p><p>Sylvain took the bag from her hand and set it on a seat, then took her hand to help her into the boat.Felix stared at his hand on the dock.</p><p>When Mia's case of jewellery supplies was in the boat, Sylvain sat next to her, in the seats behind Felix.</p><p>"You should be wearing gloves," Sylvain said as Felix put the boat into reverse, "your hands are so cold.Here, let me warm them up for you."</p><p>Felix looked heavenward.He heard Mia laughing.Was it a nervous laugh?Or was she amused to hear that his and Ingrid's description of Sylvain had been spot-on?</p><p>"He doesn't mean a word he says," Felix called back.</p><p>"How dare you!"Sylvain cried."I mean every word!Every single word!"</p><p>Felix didn't usually drive recklessly fast, but he wanted this awful ride to be over with.Something about Sylvain's flirting was just getting under his skin.</p><p>They arrived at the Fortress.It was still pretty light, but the sky was grey and foreboding. </p><p>Sylvain didn't let go of Mia's hands for a second."Felix can carry your stuff, can't you Felix?"</p><p>"So much for chivalry," Felix grumbled."Why can't you?"</p><p>"Ugh, my hands are full, obviously!There's nothing more chivalrous than seeing to a woman's comfort!"</p><p>"It doesn't look like a long walk, I can really just carry it myself," Mia said.</p><p>"Nonsense!And you're still trembling," Sylvain said.</p><p>Mia laughed."I don't think I am."</p><p>Sylvain laid his flirting on even thicker, so Felix hauled the case and bag out of the boat.Both were heavier than expected.</p><p>"Oh, don't lift it by the handle, please!I'm scared it'll break," Mia said.</p><p>Felix hoisted the case under one arm and trailed behind Sylvain and Mia.Yeah.Great fun.</p><p>Inside, the noise climbed as Mia was introduced to all of Ingrid's friends.Felix set her case on the floor, and hung back and watched Mia's face.She looked overwhelmed, but smiled anyway, nodding at each new name.</p><p>Then, someone descended the stairs leading to the loft.The old man.Felix found his jaw clench and his chin just forward.</p><p>"So everyone is here, then?" Rodrigue asked."Hello, young lady!I am Rodrigue Fraldarius.If you need anything while you are here, just ask."</p><p>"Thank you," Mia said, putting her hand in his."I'm Mia."</p><p>"Mia..?"</p><p>"Mia Cecile."</p><p>"Well, Miss Cecile, it is very nice to meet you.I hope that you have a successful night, I understand you sell jewellery?"</p><p>"Yes," Mia said, "Mr. Fraldarius."</p><p>He nodded, and Felix knew that it had been a test of manners.He bit back a comment.</p><p>Rodrigue exchanged more politeness and told the girls that he would be upstairs if they needed anything, and that he wouldn't bother them at all.He withdrew, and Felix let out a long breath.</p><p>Sylvain immediately began taking drink orders while Mia found her case at Felix's feet.She smiled at him, and Felix didn't know whether it was with gratitude or apology.He glanced away.</p><p>Mia set up her things on the coffee table, showing off her rings to lots of oohs and aahs.Felix fetched his own beer and sat at the edge of the room, watching Sylvain distribute mixed drinks.Ingrid had been right--with so many girls to divide his attention, Mia actually was able to talk about her business without being overwhelmed.Hilda watched with interest, asking lots of questions and immediately putting a pink and red ring on her finger.It did not leave that place.</p><p>Ingrid got out her phone and the room was suddenly filled with the sounds of Shania Twain.Felix smiled into his beer.Typical Ingrid.</p><p>Mia smiled, though, bobbing her head a little.Bernadetta sat opposite her, hands twitching a little.Dorothea passed her a ring and eased her into the group.She smiled a mysterious smile at Felix.He avoided her gaze and returned to listening to Hilda, who was describing the resin process while Mia made a ring to Mercedes' specifications.</p><p>"So what else do you do?" Hilda asked."You said you were pretty much just starting out with this."</p><p>"Oh.I, um, well, I write," Mia said. </p><p>"Oh, neat!"</p><p>Mia talked a bit about urban fantasy and had a large swig of rum and coke, then asked what the other girls did.She was interested in all of it, which was more than Felix could say.</p><p>"I'm an opera singer," Dorothea said.</p><p>"For real?"</p><p>Dorothea laughed."Yes.I suppose that means you haven't heard of me?"</p><p>"No," Mia said, shaking her head."They really don't make it accessible enough.There are all these classic songs, aren't there?You'd think we'd hear them in school or something.It's too bad that there's an entire art form that most people don't get to appreciate."</p><p>Dorothea nodded and agreed.</p><p>"What kind of music do you listen to?" Mercedes asked Mia.</p><p>"Oh, uh, I guess, stuff like Daughtry, you know, and--"</p><p>Ingrid's face lit up.She reached for her phone on the table and Felix's stomach dropped to the floor."You mean like this?"</p><p>It went quiet.Felix knew as the first notes slowly built what was happening.He knocked back his beer and stood, angling his reddening face away from the group.</p><p>"No way," Sylvain breathed.</p><p>Felix didn't bother putting his bottle with the other empties, he just stalked to his room as fast as he could, slamming the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Considered splitting this into two chapters, but I had no idea what to title the first half so I kept them together. It's as good a reason as any</p><p>I never give my characters surnames so I had to think one up for Mia on the fly. thanks Rodrigue</p><p>And! I had no idea how to segue into discussion of music! so that I could bully Felix! Ingrid meant well but she was also! slightly tipsy!</p><p>The next chapter is going to be Felix Appreciation! And Mia finally gets to meet Estoc!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. can we just say the rest with no sound?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>'I thought I saw a sign<br/>Somewhere between the lines<br/>But maybe it's me<br/>Maybe I only see what I want'</p><p>Mia meets Estoc and falls in love</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia yanked a loose wire tighter, not looking up.Her mouth was dry, and she had no reason to feel this way.This was just a song, by an artist she enjoyed.That Ingrid had played it meant absolutely nothing.It did not mean that Felix had gone home and told his friends all about the dumb girl who sang dumb songs in the dumb woods. </p><p>Her cheeks were too hot.Mia fumbled with her bent-nose pliers and set them on the coffee table, so that she could finish her rum and coke.She eyed the squares Mercedes had brought, thinking she could use some more dark chocolate in her life, but her throat was too tight for food.</p><p>"Yeah," she said, "I guess stuff like this.Some Hozier too."</p><p>"Oh," Marianne said quietly.Her own face was pink."I know his music."</p><p>Mia smiled.If she pretended that she did not wish to crawl under a log and set herself on fire, then maybe she could win.It took all of her willpower not to look at the corner where Felix was sitting.She would <em>not</em> give him or any of them any satisfaction.</p><p>"It's a good song," Ingrid said, "Good taste."</p><p>"I'll say," Sylvain said, wearing the widest grin ever.Mia felt stupid, so she glanced back down at her ring.</p><p>"It's not right for girls' night," Hilda said, with a sort of finality that made Mia feel a little better."No offence, Mia."</p><p>"If it's girls' night, Sylvain should leave, too," Dorothea pointed out.<em>Too?</em>Then Felix had not stuck around to humiliate Mia?</p><p>"If we were in a club we wouldn't leave just because there was a guy tending bar," Hilda pointed out."I can't mix drinks, I make a mess every time I try to use one of those shaker things!"</p><p>Mia smiled.A little.She could imagine Hilda making Sylvain carry furniture up four floors.She finished off Mercedes' ring and handed it to her.</p><p>"Oh, this is so pretty," Mercedes said."It fits very nicely, too.You said that this stone was called..?"</p><p>"Picture jasper," Mia said.It had a sandy colour that went very well with Mercedes' hair and eyes.This ring was a little more earthy than sparkly.</p><p>"I love it.I'll get what I owe you, and I'll definitely look at your shop.I'd love to see what kind of earrings you make."</p><p>Mia thanked her and started on a garnet ring for Dorothea.</p><p>Ingrid told Sylvain to get back to making drinks.Mia asked for another rum and coke and began to feel more at ease.No one had laughed at her.Whatever that song-incident had been, it was over.Mia breathed and enjoyed her almost sickly-sweet beverage and pushed the memory further backwards with every loop of wire she made.Ingrid put the pop-country back on and everyone went back to chatting.</p><p>Mia ended up selling two rings to Dorothea, and one to each of the other girls.Ingrid loved her mint ring, which Mia had completed almost immediately after she and Felix had left on Thursday.Two hundred bucks was pretty good for one night's work, which Mia now considered this.She let herself feel pleased, sitting back to finish off her drink and seeing her little art pieces flash and glitter on everyone's fingers.</p><p>"I'm so glad we did this," Ingrid said, "thanks everyone for coming up on such short notice."</p><p>"Thanks for doing this," Mia said, quickly.She was certainly glad Ingrid had been so excited about the rings.</p><p>"I think that's why Felix brought me over," Ingrid said.</p><p>"Wait--" Sylvain interrupted, his voice loud.Ingrid shushed him.</p><p>"He's really nice, you know.When you get to know him.Right, Bernie?"</p><p>Bernadetta and Marianne were the only two who hadn't touched any alcohol.Bernie jumped at being addressed and nodded, hiding behind her empty water glass.</p><p>"Yeah.I mean, he's also very scary, but you get used to him," she mumbled.</p><p>Mia nodded."Well, I'm just glad you all like what I've made.This was really fun."She had to steer this conversation away from Felix, who may or may not have dreadfully embarrassed her. </p><p>When she was done her drink, she said that she really had to get going.Ingrid was showing something to Marianne on her phone, so she told Mia which door was Felix's and to ask him to give her a ride home.</p><p><em>Wow, what a great idea</em>, Mia thought.But she supposed she didn't want the loudly drunk Sylvain to be the one driving her back.</p><p>She went to the door and knocked, softly.</p><p>There was a grunt on the other side, and then, "Come in."</p><p>Mia opened the door, into a room just as tidy and magazine-spread-worthy as the rest of the Fortress.In the middle of it was Felix, wearing just his undershirt and jeans, holding a glinting sword.</p><p>"Oh," Mia said. </p><p>His hair was mostly loose in front of his face, and there was some sweat building on his shirt.For the first time, Mia could see the pale, graceful curve of his neck.<em>Oh</em>. </p><p>"What."He turned to face her, and in looking away from his harsh gaze, Mia noticed the phone set up on his dresser, propped up on an empty beer bottle.</p><p>"Oh, are you--recording?I'm sorry, I didn't realize--"</p><p>Felix relaxed his shoulders."I'm not uploading this one.It's just so I can check my form."</p><p>"Ah," Mia said.She still hoped that she was out of the frame.</p><p>Setting his sword point-down on the hardwood--it was a <em>real </em>sword--why did he have a <em>real sword</em>-- Felix stretched a little.His shirt pulled up a bit at the waist.Mia hastily looked away from that to his whipcord arms.</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"What?" Felix stopped mid-stretch to look at her.</p><p>Mia opened and shut her mouth."Um, did I say something?"</p><p>Felix reached for his phone, but looked irately over his shoulder at her."What kind of question is that?You don't <em>know</em> if you said something?"</p><p>"It happens more than I'd like to think about," Mia said, trying to laugh in what she hoped was a nonchalant sort of way.Sometimes she just used the wrong words without realizing, and hoped that this wasn't a weird extension of that.</p><p>"Whatever," Felix said, and she assumed that he had shut off the recording.When he looked back at her, her cheeks went all hot again."What do you want?"</p><p>"I was hoping you could take me home, now," Mia said, and as the words left her lips she imagined him interpreting them wrong, like she wanted to go to <em>his</em> home, wherever that was."Back to--well.The night's over."</p><p>"Sylvain knows where now," Felix said.Despite this, he went to the door and pulled a jacket from a hook on the back of it. </p><p>"Yeah, well, he's kind of drunk, and I'd rather not--"</p><p>"He never means anything he says," Felix said, shrugging the jacket over his shoulders.</p><p>Mia really didn't know why he felt the need to say that.She had been there.She had seen Sylvain chatting up every girl at their little party.And while it had been...interesting, being hit on relentlessly, Sylvain was obviously just a joker.</p><p>Before Mia knew it, Felix was standing directly in front of her.Ah, right.She was hanging around in the door, in his way.Mia looked up at him and then down, very quickly.</p><p>He frowned."You never saw Estoc."</p><p>"No," Mia said.He <em>had</em> brought his cat to the cottage?"No, I didn't.I guess she's hiding."</p><p>He turned away abruptly, muttering something like 'just under the bed'.Felix got onto his knees, and Mia found herself watching the back end of his jeans...</p><p>He reached under the bed, then grunted, grinned, and pulled out the cat in question. </p><p>She really was long.Felix gathered her up like a liquid scarf and Mia didn't miss seeing him kiss Estoc's forehead, quickly, like it was a habit.He carried her closer to Mia, who could hear that the creature was purring already.</p><p>Mia cautiously held her hand in front of Estoc's nose, letting the cat sniff.She was very aware that Felix was right there, directly in front of her.Just above Estoc's ears was his sharp chin and its little feline teeth marks.</p><p>Above that were his smiling lips.</p><p>Mia touched the top of Estoc's head, and pet the side of the animal's cheek."She is so soft.Do you brush her?"</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said."She loves it."</p><p>Mia smiled.Felix adjusted his hold on the cat and Mia noticed the way that Estoc's fur sort of swirled around his fingers. </p><p>Estoc made a little <em>mmrmthpht </em>sound at being shifted.She looked at Mia with gigantic greenish eyes, pointing her long whiskers forward.</p><p>"Yes," Mia said, stroking Estoc, "Yes, I'm falling in love with you for sure.What a beauty."</p><p>"Like she needs a bigger ego," Felix said with a soft laugh. </p><p>"You keep her grounded, then?" Mia glanced up at his eyes.He lifted Estoc enough to put his nose in her fur.He nodded.</p><p>"I try."</p><p>His hair was still mussed around his face, dark and inky.Mia swallowed heavily, looking down.</p><p>"I really should get home."</p><p>Felix backed up a step, turned, and gently set Estoc down."Yeah, sure.I'll take you."</p><p>"Thanks.And thanks for introducing me to Estoc.And your friends, too."</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said.He zipped the front of his jacket."You've got your stuff?"</p><p>"It's all packed up," Mia told him, backing out of his room.</p><p>"So it was worth it?"</p><p>Mia nodded."Very much."She gathered her things, said goodbye and thank you to everyone one more time, and put her shoes on to go.</p><p>Felix was waiting by the door, shifting his weight back and forth.</p><p>Was it unheard of, to marry a man for his cat?</p><p>It was a stupid, stupid thought, and Mia pressed her lips together so that she wouldn't just blurt it out in a fit of rum and silliness.</p><p>Felix lifted her supply case before Mia could (remembering not to use the handle), and pushed the door open for her.</p><p>It was dark, and a little windy.Mia shivered and put her free hand in her pocket.She walked beside Felix to the dock.A light came on the boathouse as they neared, illuminating the rocking speedboat and the sloshing water in which it sat.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, I've fallen in love with your cat</em>
</p><p>He crouched and gently lowered Mia's case of supplies into the boat, and held his hand out to take her bag, too.Mia passed it to him, and put her now-freed hand in her pocket.</p><p>"Um," she said.</p><p>
  <em>Did you tell them about my singing?</em>
</p><p>Felix looked up at her.His hair blew to the side and he plucked at it.<em>Shit.Shit.I don't want to like you.Not if--</em></p><p>"I'm sorry," she said."When they asked what I listened to, I said, and I didn't know whether--"</p><p>"Ingrid and Sylvain saw that I downloaded it," Felix said.</p><p>"Ah," Mia said."You did?"</p><p>He nodded, and pointed to the interior of the boat while he reached for the ropes tethering it.Mia clambered in while Felix worked.</p><p>"They're annoying," he said, and climbed in after Mia.She sat up front this time."I've known them all my life."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"Did they," Felix narrowed his eyes, "make you uncomfortable or something?"</p><p>Mia shook her head.She watched Felix release a breath, his face relaxing. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> That was good, right?</span></p><p>"What about you?" she asked.He <em>had</em> fled the room.</p><p>He started up the boat, turning on the lights."I'm going to have to admit to Sylvain I met you."</p><p>"But you didn't tell anyone about me singing?"</p><p>Felix began pulling the boat away from shore.He glanced at her sidelong."I won't if you don't want me to."</p><p>"Good.Thank you."</p><p>It was a short drive home through the choppy waters.At her cottage, Mia pushed her stuff onto the dock and began climbing out of the boat.Behind her, Felix had cut the engine.</p><p>"What are you doing?"</p><p>Felix followed her out of the boat and tied it loosely."Walking you to your door."</p><p>"You don't have to.I know the way."</p><p>Felix tipped his chin up."It's dark.You're carrying things.Ingrid would yell at me if I said I didn't."</p><p>"Oh, sure," Mia said."I mean, I don't mind, you just don't have to."</p><p>"Yes I do," Felix grumbled.They walked in silence to her door.</p><p>There, they stopped.Mia turned to face him, in the glow of the outdoor light."Thanks again, Felix," she said.</p><p>"Sure," he said.</p><p>Mia wondered if she was supposed to do something now, like invite him in, or wait for him to ask to--</p><p>"Bye," he said.</p><p>Mia nodded."Bye."</p><p>He turned and walked away in a hurry, zipping his jacket up further around his neck.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Argh I used a misunderstanding for plot-related purposes! Sylvain has SO many questions (but he's going to be gentle and not Push, since this is his fault), and Ingrid has Suspicions</p><p>You could say Estoc is an emotional... CATalyst</p><p>Lyrics in the title and summary from 'Good to You' by Marianas Trench</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. you took your time with the call</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>going separate ways, cat pictures</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia thought that maybe Felix would show up the next day, before they all went home.She didn't have his number, or his e-mail, or any idea who he was or where he was from. </p>
<p>She'd never see his cat again...</p>
<p>The thought made her mournful.With her mom's help, she put her kayak in the boathouse for the winter, patting it sadly and saying goodbye.Next she went into her cabin to begin sorting and packing clothes.She gathered her odds and ends, some rocks she'd found in the water and grown attached to, the book she'd brought with her, her sketchbook...</p>
<p>She ate lunch with her family.It wasn't unusual for her to be quiet during a meal.After cleaning up, the three of them set about closing the cottage down.</p>
<p>He didn't show up.</p>
<p>There was next year, Mia supposed.Maybe she'd run into him over the summer.</p>
<p>It was so far away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Back home in Airmid, about two hours from their cottage, Mia settled back in to her normal routine.She made jewellery, posted it online, and for the first time in two months made a sale.It really had been worth going to that little party of Ingrid's.Mia hoped that she had been properly grateful.</p>
<p>She prepared her writing project for November.Mia had been doing NaNoWriMo for the last two years, because she thought it would be good to get out of the house and meet some new people.She knew she wanted to write, but had never had that much drive or motivation to do it.This seemed like a good way to force herself.</p>
<p>The writing group for Airmid was called The Shepherds, because the region had had a lot of sheep farms in its early days.Mia felt comfortable in the group.</p>
<p>Aside from her jewellery and her writing, though, Mia didn't have a whole lot else.She'd tried to.She had wanted to be a librarian, but it was a Master's program and--</p>
<p>She hadn't been ready.</p>
<p>It was always the same.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Felix drove home with Ingrid and Sylvain, but they ended up dropping him off at his old man's house, anyway.Still, it was far better than spending the hour drive stuck next to his father.</p>
<p>Of course, Ingrid and Sylvain were both on tenterhooks, clearly unsure how to ask about Mia, and the song, and what the two of them had talked about.Felix pretended not to notice.A few years ago, he really wouldn't have. </p>
<p>When they were twenty minutes from Felix's home, though, Sylvain couldn't bear it anymore. </p>
<p>"So, that Mia," he began.He glanced at Felix, barely taking his eyes off the road.</p>
<p>Felix looked out the window, like he was fascinated by the cranes along the highway. </p>
<p>Sylvain cleared his throat."She was pretty nice."</p>
<p>Felix put the side of his index finger against his lips. </p>
<p>In the back seat of Sylvain's SUV, Ingrid sat next to Estoc's carrier."I was thinking we should do that again.Everyone loved it--if Mia lives nearby, it would be great to see the other things she makes."</p>
<p>"Hm," Felix said.</p>
<p>"That would be fun," Sylvain agreed, too enthusiastically.</p>
<p>"Right?" Ingrid leaned forward."I bet Dorothea would be able to invite more people, and Annette would love to--"</p>
<p>"That's nice, plan it with her, then," Felix interrupted."I'm not interested in being present for another one."</p>
<p>Ingrid sat back."I see."</p>
<p>"Don't be like that," Sylvain said."You're the designated driver!"</p>
<p>"Find someone else," Felix said.He turned his shoulder to the window, too, and that ended the conversation.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>There were four kittens that had made it through the summer.Mia decided to take her camera out the next sunny day and take some pictures, to send to her older brother and his fiancee in the outskirts of Ailell, close to the city.</p>
<p>Naming cats was not anyone in her family's strong suit.This year there were Angie, Llamaface, Dirty Potato, and Spinach Puff. </p>
<p>These cats were nothing like Estoc.They were mongrels through and through.Angie and Llamaface were both black and white splotched, like dairy cattle, and Dirty Potato and Spinach Puff were sort of beige and black striped.Of course, Mia would have lied and said that Spinach Puff was a fancy breed.He was, well, puffy.Every year there seemed to be one long-haired kitten.They were always way sweeter than the others, if prone to getting burs in their britches.Mia made an effort to keep them brushed and find indoor homes for them.She knew very well that outdoor cats were a bad idea.</p>
<p>It was October thirtieth, and it was so warm Mia was actually glad to be outside.</p>
<p>"Yes, Vogue," Mia said, snapping another perfect photo of Spinach Puff.He was made to be in front of a camera, with his soft cheek fur and warm, tan lion's nose."You're handsome," she said."What a perfect boy.Best gentle boy, unlike <em>Angie</em>."</p>
<p>Angie was a biter.</p>
<p>At least he'd let you touch him, unlike Dirty Potato.Llamaface wasn't around, choosing instead to nap somewhere sunny.</p>
<p>When Mia had enough pictures, she went in to put them on her old laptop.As they were importing, she checked her shop for messages.It was a slight compulsion, made stronger after having sent out a pair of earrings that week.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was back to work for Felix.With the NHL season starting again, his job of managing the security detail for the Boar had gotten that much more involved.Felix was lucky to have gotten one week off, but he was ready for another.There were press conferences, charity events, big games... the Boar had a foundation that helped children in the system have access to organized sports--which made him seem nice--but he also had enemies.Felix understood this fact better than anyone else on his team.</p>
<p>All of it boiled down to one soggy, unpleasant truth: Felix had to spend every waking moment thinking about the safety of someone he never wanted to see again.</p>
<p>He was working on the next week's itinerary, going over it carefully and arranging his team in his head.His phone buzzed.Ingrid.  She was still trying to rope him into this second jewellery party.He ignored the message. </p>
<p>There were often death threats for the Boar.Felix had to take all of them seriously.Most were jokes, if you could call them that, but ignoring them would put not only his charge, but Felix's team, in the line of fire.</p>
<p>He checked over his notes one more time, and closed his eyes.It was time for a rest. Felix opened Ingrid's message, and told her that he had to work.Not that she'd mentioned a date for this hypothetical party.</p>
<p>He checked her social media to see whether she had messaged him more concrete plans through that.On her feed he saw she had shared a picture of a pendant that was all curled wire and clustered beads, cobalt blue.Felix frowned.He clicked on the shop link.</p>
<p>He had no use for any of this stuff.There were all kinds of pieces, different colours, some of which he thought he recognized from Mia's case of rings.He checked the number of sales--twelve--and the one review which was very positive.The shop description was bright and cheery, all 'handmade and one-of-a-kind!'. </p>
<p>He had an account on this site, from when he'd commissioned a decorative sheath for his antique spadroon.There was a link to message the shop owner.Felix's thumb hovered over it.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mia was surprised to see she had a message.She wondered if it was a friend of Ingrid's.</p>
<p>It came from the username Fraldsword1, and all it said was 'hey' followed by a link to a chat server.</p>
<p>She stared at it.In her mind's eye, she vividly saw a lean young man, hair tousled, arms bare, holding a sword like he knew how to cut people down with it.She had already forgotten his last name, so she wasn't too sure what the 'frald' bit meant, but she was almost certain that there was only one sword-enthusiast who would contact her.Her initial excitement quickly transformed into dread.What did he want?What was she supposed to do?</p>
<p>Follow the link, obviously.</p>
<p>Mia was relieved that she at least recognized it--the Shepherds used this for their writing group, not that Mia participated much.She dared to see what Fraldsword1 had to say.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> Hey. Is this Felix?</p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>y</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> you messaged me?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> no i mean ya</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> ?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ya this is felix</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> oh ok it's nice to hear from you</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a gap of over ten minutes before she got a reply.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> i'm getting back to work</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia sat back.Well.What a warm conversation.She could see that replying directly to that statement would be seen as redundant, so instead, Mia loaded up her cat photos and picked a really nice one of Spinach Puff.She had never sent a photo in this messaging system thing, but figured she had time, and also that it couldn't be too hard.She found the right button and dragged her cat pic into the box that appeared. </p>
<p>And that was it.Mia closed the tab and returned to her own work.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Felix didn't check back until ten the next morning.He sat half-curled in the corner of the basement sofa, coffee on the table beside him, his laptop balanced on his thigh, and Estoc pawing at his scalp from the back of the couch.As perfect a morning as a person could get. </p>
<p>It wouldn't be a long one.It was Hallowe'en and he'd have to report for duty sooner than later.Of course there were events on.</p>
<p>Estoc slid down the couch to try and force her way onto his lap, complaining loudly.</p>
<p>Felix messaged Sylvain on his phone in one hand, and loaded up his conversation with Mia on his laptop.</p>
<p>She'd sent something, sixteen hours ago. </p>
<p>It was a cat picture.</p>
<p>Despite himself, Felix smiled.Estoc clambered closer, pointing her nose at the screen.Felix deftly opened his camera app and snapped a pic with one hand, careful not to draw her attention.He checked the screen.Perfect.</p>
<p>Now he could push Estoc gently aside and get a better look, himself.The photo was captioned, simply, 'Spinach Puff'.Was that its name?Felix snorted and had a gulp of coffee.It was a nice-looking animal.Rather than being silky smooth like Estoc, this cat was plush, like a toy.Its striped fur was all warm tones.</p>
<p>He thought long and hard about a reply.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mia turned on her computer at eleven. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>my boss approves</p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>is that its name</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He'd sent a photo that had, in Mia's eyes, a lot going on.Estoc was in the middle of it, touching noses with the picture of Spinach Puff on a laptop screen.All of this was balanced precariously on a splayed pair of legs wearing what Mia could only guess were teal workout leggings.Estoc's front paws were on the keyboard, tipping it slightly askew, and her back paws were almost right on Felix's crotch, which was just in the corner of the frame.</p>
<p>Mia decided to save it to her computer, because Estoc.</p>
<p>She messaged back that Spinach Puff was, indeed, the name of this cat, and sent pictures of the others, too.She didn't expect a reply, because his icon said he wasn't online.</p>
<p>It came anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>all of those name are fake</p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>i have to work soon but</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> you met estoc someday maybe i can meet spinachpuff</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> I'd like that</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> sylvain doesn't have a pet</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> :O he can have one of our cats!</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> maybe. i don't do little faces</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia cackled.She made a mental note not to 'do little faces' when messaging him.She apologized and the conversation tapered off, which meant Felix ended it abruptly by saying he had to go.Mia felt she could feel safe that he wasn't mad at her, but worried anyway. </p>
<p>She busied herself, and discovered through the first half of the following week that this was just how Felix communicated.Short bursts of very flat statements, followed by over twelve hours of silence.They didn't talk about much, mostly cats, but Mia looked forward to it interspersed among her writing, which had gotten serious once she flipped the calendar to November. </p>
<p>Estoc pictures became a regular occurrence.Mia made a folder for them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whoopsies I'm bringing Awakening references in here, but Mia needs friends that don't know Felix's friends</p>
<p>Do I know how security details work? No. Do I know anything at all about hockey? also No. Will I write about a hockey player's security guard anyway? You bet!</p>
<p>You know the song reference but yeah, it's Call Me Maybe</p>
<p>ALL CATS MENTIONED WILL BE SAFE AND THAT IS A PROMISE<br/>However, past pet death will be mentioned/discussed soon, so I'll be updating the tags accordingly.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. alive is the boy in the box</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mia and Felix plan to meet</p>
<p>A flashback of Felix's past</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter contains mentions of pet death and depictions of grief</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Felix:</b> ingrid wants to do another thing</p>
<p><b>Mia: </b>yeah she messaged me through my shop</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> and?</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> i'm in!</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> wwhere are u</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> Airmid</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> thats close to where sh rides</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> yeah, I can drive there easy</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was it for Monday.Mia thought that maybe she should have pretended not to be able to drive herself, to see if Felix would offer.That way he'd be able to perhaps meet Spinach Puff.Then again, the party would be on the weekend, and it seemed like Saturdays were busiest for Felix--he never really talked about what he was doing, just 'working', but Mia remembered him saying something about security.She wondered if that was code for mob-related things.Maybe he was a hitman.A hitman with a sword.</p>
<p>She wondered if she could make a little jewellery sword.It was something to think about, so she made a note in her sketchbook and tried to wrap her mind around how she'd, well, wrap a sword out of wire.</p>
<p>The next day she saw that Felix had messaged her at one in the morning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> u r farm? uride?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wondered if he had been drunk.Mia replied that they had six sheep, and that they had once had chickens, but mostly they grew soybeans and corn. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Mia: </b>I always liked horses but never got to ride. hbu?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ugh another horse girl</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> i never got into it</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> lol</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ingrid showjumps shes been training there for years</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> we got our first cat from there</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> ! you had a cat before Estoc?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were twenty minutes of radio silence, then Felix sent a picture of a a slightly chunky black and white cat.The top half of its face was black, and it had a white tip on its tail.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> we called him Villain</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> because he was wearing a mask</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> and</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> my brother thoughtit would b funny like some shaksepeare shit</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> I love it. Your brother sounds funny!</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> he was</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia's stomach churned.Oh, shit, what had she done.Had he mentioned that before?Oh, no, she was insensitive.</p>
<p>She tried to fashion an apologetic response, and deleted it.She tried to soldier on with an unrelated remark, but it seemed cold.Was this something she could ask about?She remembered him saying he'd listened to <em>Masterpiece Theatre</em> with his brother.She hadn't realized that his brother was in the past tense.Oh dear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> anyway i cant do sat</p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>but following tues is off</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> icould visist ingrid and stop in</p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>because arimid is so close</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was typing fast, and pushing the previous conversation up, off the screen. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> tues is stupid day</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> but schedule stupid so</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> anwy i wouldnt mind</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> seeing yr potato cats</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a week of scant communication, seeing line after line of text appear in a frenzy made Mia's head spin.She tried to read the rapidly ascending messages, and realized he'd invited himself over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> if thats ok</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> whatever</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> you should stop in!</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> what reallyl</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> sure! I'd like to see you again!</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> what ok details later</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> of course! Have a good day at work!</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> i wont</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> Thank You</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia had to take a few breaths.Was the crisis averted?No, it was just delayed.If Mia was going to be friends with this man, then she was going to have to respond in some way to this.She thought about what it would mean to lose her own brother, whether now or when she was younger.It was, thankfully, hard to imagine the kind of sadness she'd feel. </p>
<p>Standing up, Mia stretched her fingers.It was time for coffee, and to suggest to her mom that possibly, on Tuesday, she would have a friend stop by.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Felix stared numbly ahead, his fingers in Estoc's fur.He didn't want to talk about Glenn.His memories were fond, he'd smiled at remembering Villain and the way Glenn would shout dramatically whenever he wanted to get the cat riled up.But Felix didn't want to be chained to his ghosts, like his father and Dimitri.He didn't want Mia's pity or her sympathy or for her to ask about Glenn and decide how alike or different Felix was to him.He hoped that this was the end of it. </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Villain had been Glenn's cat, mainly.Glenn had taught him to chase after people's legs, so that he could call him a dastard.He had used a laser pointer to get the dastardly Villain to crash into anyone unfortunate enough to be walking by, which was usually their father, who would ask Glenn to <em>please</em> stop doing that, he was carrying tea, if he dropped it on the poor cat he'd feel just terrible.</p>
<p>Glenn had been quite a few years older than Felix, but sometimes it had been hard to believe it.</p>
<p>Felix was allowed to be Villain's co-owner, because when they'd gotten him as a fat little kitten six-year-old Felix had cried about it.Glenn had said that of course Villain was also Felix's, while their father assured him that this was a <em>family</em> cat that they all had a responsibility in caring for.</p>
<p>Every night, Felix would hear the soft jingling that meant Villain had walked past his door to Glenn's.Their father had not wanted the cat up on the furniture, and he had hated the idea of it sharing a bed with either of his children, but he hadn't been able to stop it from happening.Cat hair had ended up on every surface.Villain really had been a crafty adversary.</p>
<p>One night, while 14-year-old Felix lay staring at his ceiling, not feeling anything, the jingling had become louder, and Felix had felt the bed dip under Villain's weight.The cat had chirped at him, and burrowed his face in the crook of Felix's neck, curling up where he could knead at Felix's upper arm with his claws.Felix hadn't been able to breathe, hadn't been able to let go, and after that, Villain had been Felix's cat alone.He had still chased legs, but Felix would never touch the laser pointer.As Villain got older, he had been content to drape across Felix's shoulders and just purr.</p>
<p>Felix was twenty, living off-campus in a little apartment, when he had had to say goodbye to Villain.It had left him empty and wretched all over again.There was no soft jingle this time.</p>
<p>It had all been in the wrong order, at the wrong time.No one had seemed to understand this.</p>
<p>After a week of not answering his father's calls, Felix had heard a distinctly polite knock at his door.When he'd opened it (against his better judgement), Rodrigue had been standing there, his face sympathetic.In his arms had been a cat carrier.</p>
<p>"What have you done?" Felix had demanded, stepping away in horror.</p>
<p>Rodrigue had taken that as an invitation to the apartment, and crossed the threshold like a cat-bearing vampire.</p>
<p>"I know how hard this week has been for you," Rodrigue had said.Felix had shut the door but not moved from the entryway.He'd watched with narrowed eyes as Rodrigue had opened the carrier and gently prized a 12-week old kitten from the back of it.He'd held it out to Felix, a little bundle of grey fur with two bright eyes and a pair of ears too large for its head.</p>
<p>"Why would you do this?"</p>
<p>Rodrigue had brought the kitten closer to his chest, sighing."I know Villain meant a lot to you, it's important that--"</p>
<p>"You don't know!Or you wouldn't think you could just replace him," Felix had snapped."You always think that--but you can't replace him!The only thing I want is to just move on!"</p>
<p>He'd clenched his fists and tightened his jaw and tried to keep the tears from springing to his eyes, not this, not now, it was just a cat, just--</p>
<p>"I think it would be good for you, to have something to take your mind off it, to ease you--"</p>
<p>"I don't want a distraction!" Felix had started yelling."I don't want a cat!"He had never wanted <em>Glenn's</em> cat, not the way it had happened.</p>
<p>The kitten had started clutching at Rodrigue's sleeve, scared by Felix's voice.Then he <em>had</em> started crying, and fled to his bedroom, closing the door and wanting to scream but instead just gasping loudly for air, feeling like he was drowning.</p>
<p>When he had emerged over an hour later, Rodrigue had been sitting at the kitchen nook, with a feather toy in his hand.The kitten had seen Felix coming and dashed under the table.</p>
<p>"Felix," Rodrigue had said, gentle but firm, "I'm going now, but I'm leaving Dahlia with you.I expect you to take care of her."</p>
<p>Felix hands had flexed at his father's tone."Take the creature and leave."</p>
<p>"No," Rodrigue had said, standing, and setting the toy on his seat.He ran his hand through his hair, which had been long ever since Glenn's death."Felix, I want you to be happy.I know how much you love cats.This will be good for you."</p>
<p>Felix had crossed his arms and looked away. </p>
<p>"She's an Oriental Longhair," Rodrigue had forged on."I would have driven with you to pick her up, but Kingston is a long drive and I didn't think you'd be open to the idea."</p>
<p>That was true.</p>
<p>"Hm," Felix had said.</p>
<p>"She's very special.I know you'll take good care of her.The breeder named her Dahlia--I understand the entire litter was given flower names--but you can name her whatever you'd like."</p>
<p>"Whatever.Just go."</p>
<p>Felix had been left alone with a kitten he was certain he didn't want. </p>
<p>The first time she gnawed on his knuckle with her pointy little teeth, though, Felix had smiled.Dahlia was a stupid name.She deserved something more fitting.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Mia's mom was fine with the idea of Felix stopping in, but Mia could hear the stress in her voice when she asked whether he was going to stay for dinner. </p>
<p>"I don't know, I'll find out by tomorrow."</p>
<p>"Good," Mia's mom said pointedly.When Mia's brother Hurst brought his fiancee over with a mere 28 hours warning, there was always a panicked day where Mrs. Cecile tried to tidy up and desperately decide what to serve for dinner.Mia was going to try and avoid being the source of such anxiety.</p>
<p>"He just wants to see the cats," Mia said, trying to be reassuring and not sad.</p>
<p>"Maybe he'll take one," Mrs. Cecile said."Are you going to one of your writing things tonight?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Mia said."I have to write extra since I'm not going to the one on Saturday."</p>
<p>"Aren't you ahead, anyway?"</p>
<p>"I can't let Virion beat me," Mia said."He's so <em>wordy</em>.Last year was so close."</p>
<p>"But you outworded him," Mrs. Cecile reminded her.</p>
<p>"By 1k!He's pushing me even harder this year, every time I look his graph is just shooting up!"</p>
<p>"Well, get your coffee and get back to work then," Mrs. Cecile said, laughing.</p>
<p>Mia nodded and did as instructed.Before opening her project, though, she asked Felix if he wanted to make plans for dinner on Tuesday.She hoped he'd like the idea.If he came all this way just to look at her cats for fifteen minutes and then left, she'd feel a bit cheated.</p>
<p>She wrote a few hundred words and checked for his reply.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> y</p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>maybe a movie?</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> that would be fun!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia changed over to the Shepherds' group chat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>MorIArty:</b> so I won't be at the Saturday write-in and probably not Tuesday either</p>
<p><b>unpeeled orange: </b>oh no! We need u for morale!</p>
<p><b>Holmes:</b> Ohoho! It looks like I may gain the upper hand!</p>
<p><b>Holmes:</b> To what do I owe my imminent victory?</p>
<p><b>MorIArty:</b> I have a jewellery thing on Saturday and I might...see a movie with someone on Tuesday</p>
<p><b>unpeeled orange:</b> I'm a terrible ML</p>
<p><b>Holmes:</b> A date? I have put such things on hold, my dear! Victory is all!</p>
<p><b>pyro:</b> Don't say that, Chrom, you're an excellent ML</p>
<p><b>MorIArty:</b> it's not a date?</p>
<p><b>Holmes:</b> Tell that to your date</p>
<p><b>unpeeled orange:</b> u'll be there tonight tho?????</p>
<p><b>unpeeled orange:</b> i'm so far behind</p>
<p><b>pyro:</b> Did you change my name to pyro?</p>
<p><b>unpeeled orange:</b> no?</p>
<p><b>MorIArty:</b> it was obviously Lissa and it's not a date he's just driving in to see our cats</p>
<p><b>MorIArty:</b> and a movie and have dinner</p>
<p><b>unpeeled orange:</b> ...</p>
<p><b>pyro:</b> ...</p>
<p><b>Holmes:</b> You poor thing</p>
<p><b>Holmes:</b> I'm definitely going to win this year</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia considered all of this information.If her eternal rival of two years was right, then she was in trouble.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>MorIArty:</b> I'm still going to crush you</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She closed the internet and vowed to write two thousand words before that evening's write-in.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Felix realized that he should let Ingrid know that he was going to be using her Ailell residence as his base of operation this coming Tuesday.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ing i'm coming ovr tues</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> did u talk to Mia?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> WHY would u think</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> :)</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ok i MIGHT b getting a cat</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> you may use my home as a stepping stone for cats</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ty</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> take her to Sol's the food is so good</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> u kn every restaurant in every town??</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> wait y</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> I have my ways</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> :) :)</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> w</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was baffling.Felix lifted Estoc up for snuggles. </p>
<p>"Ingrid's up to no good," he said.</p>
<p>Felix looked up Sol's.  It looked really good.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Every night for the last week I'd sit bolt upright with a new Villain detail that made me cry so I'm glad this is done</p>
<p>I tried to lighten it up at the end with the Shepherd's group chat, I hope it isn't too much mood whiplash</p>
<p>Also :3 an Estoc is a two-handed sword used for piercing plate armour :3 </p>
<p>As for Mia's brother, I opened a name book and Hurst was literally the first name I saw.</p>
<p>The title is from Corey Hart's 'Boy in the Box'</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. ok, so you're Ferdinand Von Aegir</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A short chapter.</p><p>i'm just having fun writing more dialogue<br/>no felix today, but tomorrow! Oh ho, tomorrow!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia drove out to Ailell County on Saturday afternoon after studying the map and writing out the directions just in case.She had loaded pretty much her entire shop, as well as her crafting supplies, into the truck.Ingrid had said that there would be a few more people than last time, so Mia hoped to make some money with this.Either way, though, she was kind of glad to be having more human interaction. </p><p>It wasn't the best month for that, true, but Mia decided not to complain.Virion had taunted her mercilessly at the last write-in, confident that she was going to be too distracted to win their bet.The stakes weren't exactly <em>high</em>, but it was the principle.Mia didn't want to lose the tacky star mug that they'd decided two years ago was the trophy.</p><p>Mia turned onto the road to Ingrid's place.She knew she didn't have too far to go now.</p><p>A long, manicured drive led to the house, and near that was a stable and indoor as well as outdoor riding facilities.Apparently Ingrid and a few other girls stayed in the house.Mia saw that there were quite a few cars on the neat gravel driveway, and found a spot to park that was nearer to the stable than the house.</p><p>Just as Mia was opening the passenger door to start getting her stuff out, a man in riding boots and a ruby-red fall jacket exited the stable.</p><p>"Oh, hello there!" he said.</p><p>Mia turned, and was struck by the lush ginger hair falling over his shoulders. </p><p>"I have not seen you before," he said, walking confidently closer.Wow, his hair was pretty."You must be a friend of Ingrid's, is that not correct?She said that she was hosting something today."</p><p>Mia nodded, swallowing dryly."Yes, I'm showing off my jewellery."</p><p>"That is terrific," the beautiful man said."Oh! I am Ferdinand Von Aegir.Please, let me know if there is anything I can help you with."</p><p>"Ah," Mia said.She introduced herself."I kind of have a lot to carry in."</p><p>Ferdinand gave her hand a gentle squeeze and then let her direct him on what to carry.Maybe it was the late afternoon sun, or maybe he glowed.</p><p>Together they could manage all of her things in one trip.Mia shut the door of the truck with her hip and followed Ferdinand to the house.He smiled sunnily over his shoulder, as if to confirm that Mia was still with him and delighted to see that she was.</p><p>Ingrid was at the door."Mia, you're here!I see you've got help--is there anything left to bring in?"</p><p>"This is everything," Mia said.</p><p>"Oh, good.Thanks Ferdinand," Ingrid said.To Mia she said, "Ferdinand is one of the best dressage riders in the country."</p><p>"Wow, isn't dressage really hard?" Mia didn't know much about it, other than it being like ballroom dancing for horses, or something.</p><p>Ferdinand laughed."It is easy, if you trust and communicate with your horse!But then, I have been doing it since I was little.Ingrid is the real talent, she is going to take the showjumping world by storm!"</p><p>At this, Ingrid hid her deepening blush by vacating the doorway and holding it open, face to the floor, while Ferdinand and Mia carried her things inside.</p><p>It was pretty loud in the house, the chorus of <em>That Don't Impress Me Much</em> blaring from speakers in the corners and voices trying to talk over it.Mia recognized most of the girls from the Fortress, but there were a few new faces.She didn't see quiet Bernadetta, and was disappointed, because it was nice not being the shyest one there.Maybe Marianne was here, though.</p><p>"Thanks again," Mia said to Ferdinand.</p><p>He beamed."It was my pleasure.Now I will leave you all to your get-together."</p><p>"Thanks," Ingrid said, waving after him."See you around!"</p><p>Mia pushed a hand through her hair as she considered what to do with her stuff.</p><p>"So what do you think about Ferdinand?" Ingrid asked, once the door was closed.</p><p>"Oh, he's really nice," Mia said."Although, he reminds me of someone, I think?"</p><p>Hilda appeared in the door to the kitchen."That would be the dog from <em>UP</em>."</p><p>Mia covered her mouth, her shoulders shaking.She should <em>not</em> laugh at that.</p><p>Ingrid was outraged."He is <em>not</em> like the dog from <em>UP</em>, that's so mean, Hilda!"</p><p>"I'm not trying to be mean, it's the way he talks!Mia's right, he is nice.It's fun getting him do things," Hilda said, sipping on something fruity.Mia didn't hear Sylvain's voice, so she wondered who had made the drink.</p><p>"Ugh, that's not something to make fun of!He's really a good athlete," Ingrid insisted.</p><p>"I didn't say he wasn't!" Hilda protested. </p><p>From behind her, Dorothea added, "He's also filthy rich."</p><p>Now Ingrid was a bright red."Dorothea <em>stop!</em>"</p><p>"At the Christmas party last year he gave a 200% tip," said a woman with hair almost the same colour as the man in question's.She saw Mia, grinned, and extended her hand."Hey, I'm Leonie.You must be Mia.It's nice to meet you."</p><p>She had a chipper voice, and hands as rough as anything.Mia nodded mutely.All of Ingrid's friends were so pretty.It was very hard to deal with. </p><p>"I probably won't buy anything," Leonie admitted."But I want to watch how you make this stuff.Ingrid showed me the ring you made and I can't believe you can do that so fast."</p><p>Mia laughed."When you're in the zone it's not hard."</p><p>"And after the fiftieth one it's probably easy to get in the zone," Leonie agreed.</p><p>They moved into the dining room, where extra chairs had been brought.Leonie hoisted Mia's supplies with ease, carrying them to where Mia needed them.She set out her finished jewellery and then got her pliers arranged how she liked them in front of her.</p><p>Mia was introduced to a woman with incredible braided hair named Petra, an opera friend of Dorothea's called Manuela, and Lysithea, a girl with light brown hair who seemed to be about fifteen.As someone who was regularly ID'ed at the liquor store, Mia knew better than to assume Lysithea was as young as she looked.Her suspicions were confirmed when Lysithea reached for a glass of rosé.</p><p>Mercedes was there as well, and had brought her friend Annette this time.She was earnest and cheerful and Mia was relieved to be reminded that this group of women was friendly and welcoming.</p><p>Manuela wanted a dark, mysterious ring, so Mia got to work on that and listened the others chat.She answered questions as they came and relaxed.</p><p>"I think you can up your price," Leonie said."Hilda, you should've got Ferdinand to stay and buy us all jewellery."</p><p>"Oh, he'd love that!"</p><p>Ingrid groaned."You all bully him!"</p><p>"He deserves it," Dorothea laughed.</p><p>In a small voice, Marianne said, "I think he's nice.He's kind to his horses."</p><p>"Thank you," Ingrid said.</p><p>Mia smiled."Do you ride, Marianne?"</p><p>"Oh, yes, a little.I mostly like to look after them, though."</p><p>"Marianne is our resident vet," Leonie said."She knows exactly how to put animals at ease.She's gifted that way."</p><p>"Oh!No, I'm really not," Marianne said.</p><p>At this, all the girls converged to tell Marianne how special and talented she was.Marianne blushed but she also smiled gratefully.</p><p>Mercedes had made brownies and butter tarts for the occasion, so everyone snacked.With a drive home in her future, Mia couldn't drink anything stronger than a cup of tea, but was finding that she didn't need more to relax into the group. </p><p>She didn't even mind when Ingrid asked if Mia knew Felix was planning to visit on Tuesday.</p><p>"Yeah, he talked to me about it, don't worry," Mia said.</p><p>"Oh, good.It's so hard to drag anything out of him sometimes," Ingrid said."But I guess he likes you."</p><p>Mia bit the inside of her cheek. </p><p>"Felix?" Hilda chomped down on a butter tart."Felix the Grouch?"</p><p>"We talk about cats," Mia clarified.</p><p>"Felix is filthy rich, too," Dorothea said. </p><p>Hilda looked at her tart thoughtfully."Good for him, meeting new people."</p><p>"I'd be rich too, if that was my job," Leonie said.</p><p>"You make plenty now that you're a sought-after trainer," Ingrid pointed out.</p><p>They fell into a discussion about horses and equine care.Mia was left wondering if Felix really <em>was</em> a hitman.She finished Manuela's ring and handed it to the older woman, who put it on immediately and practically purred.</p><p>"Oh, if only I didn't have to buy my own rings!But it's hard finding someone who could pick out something so perfect for me."</p><p>"That's what happens when you get something custom made," Mia pointed out."I'm glad you like it."</p><p>Manuela reached into her shirt for her phone.She took a picture of the ring on her finger and asked Mia if she'd be all right with her sharing it online.</p><p>"Not at all," Mia said.</p><p>"I'm not as popular as I used to be," Manuela said with a wink, "but I still have quite a following."</p><p>"I don't doubt it," Mia said. </p><p>"You're too sweet!"It was impressive, the way Manuela followed up by downing a full glass of wine."So are you going anywhere special with this Felix boy?"</p><p>Mia shook her head and started on a turquoise and copper ring for Annette."Just a movie, probably."</p><p>"Oh, to be young!"Manuela held her glass out to Dorothea to refill.</p><p>"A movie?With Felix the Grouch?Did I hear that right?"Hilda leaned closer, her elbows on the table.</p><p>"Are you saying all I had to do was talk to him about cats and he would've gone to a movie with me?" Dorothea asked, pushing Manuela's full glass to her.</p><p>Mia laughed nervously.</p><p>"He's cute," Hilda said."Not as cute as Sylvain, and he's not as tall, and he doesn't help when there's a delicate flower in need, but.Cute."</p><p>"Well, it's just a movie, and him seeing our barn cats," Mia told them. </p><p>Ingrid took a brownie and offered the plate to either end of the table."Hey, even so, that's big for Felix.Hilda, I didn't realize you had such big crushes on my friends!"</p><p>Hilda preened."A girl can <em>look</em>, can't she?And you have such attractive friends."</p><p>"Present company included?" Mia offered.</p><p>Hilda threw her head back."I like you!Yes, present company is most definitely included!"</p><p>It wasn't until close to ten that Mia left.She'd been having the most fun in ages.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ingrid and Ferdinand love each other and together they help Galatea prosper and flourish trust me my uncle works at Nintendo. they couldn't put it in the game because otherwise no one would pair them with anyone else</p><p>But seriously this chapter was about Mia getting more comfortable with Felix and Ingrid's friends and I had a lot of fun</p><p>[i have recently discovered that I must write a Ferdingrid centaur au but don't know what the plot would be yet. please bear with]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. here's a hand to hold on to</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>movie refs galore and i try to predict the next 007 movie without ever referring to it by name<br/>Mia can swear a little, as a treat</p>
<p>whh;a t if w e h hheld hwands</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix was unable to identify the feeling in his stomach as he turned into the pot-holed gravel driveway that veered slightly to the right.On that side was an empty field and on the left was a pasture.The former was unfenced, the latter was barricaded with a combination of posts, beams, and wire.Inside were six sheep.They watched him with narrowed sheep eyes, pausing in their chewing as if considering whether he could be trusted to help them in their next escape scheme.</p>
<p>The house was made of orange brick and had a flaking deck, and scraps of ivy clinging to the facade.A sign on the railing ominously warned of violent chickens, but all Felix saw was a black and white cat lounging on a swinging bench.</p>
<p>Hesitantly, he shut off the engine of his car and flexed his fingers on the steering wheel.In the back seat was a cat carrier, because he'd been optimistic when he'd set out.Now, looking at this house, hoping it was Mia's, also hoping it <em>wasn't</em>--he wasn't sure what he was thinking.</p>
<p>With no concrete source to his nervousness, though, Felix decided to shelve it--if it even <em>was</em> nervousness--and examine it later.If he had the wrong house he'd be out of here sooner, if it was the right one, well, he'd see how things played out.</p>
<p>He got out of the car, shutting the door softly.The sun was out but it was still chilly.On the bench, the cat didn't move.</p>
<p>The front door was shut.Felix climbed the creaking steps, intending to knock.</p>
<p>"Hey, Felix!"Mia's voice came from the corner of the house.</p>
<p>He stopped halfway up her steps and watched her come nearer.</p>
<p>She ducked her head and smiled from under her fluffy hair."We mostly use the side door, so the cats are over there.It's nice to see you."</p>
<p>He doubted that, but Felix felt a little something change in his stomach."You look more country than before."</p>
<p>It was the worn jeans, and the plaid jacket over what seemed to be a plaid shirt.</p>
<p>"Yeah, it's maybe a little much," Mia said.Her laugh was quiet.Self-deprecating?</p>
<p>"I didn't say that," Felix breathed.He shoved his hands in his pockets and trailed after her to the side of the house."What about the cat on the deck?"</p>
<p>"That's Angie, he'll just bite you."</p>
<p>"I can handle being bit," Felix reminded her.</p>
<p>Mia laughed."Angie's mean though.And he's too stinky to be the first one you meet."</p>
<p>That wasn't true, because Mia was the first one he'd met.Still, Felix stayed quiet and turned the corner, to see a striped, short haired cat on his hind legs, poking his nose against the storm door.It did a double-take at the humans approaching and dashed away, then stopped, turning back with an almost wistful face, then hid behind the large spruce by the walkway.</p>
<p>"Dirty Potato," Mia said, watching the cat have a crisis, her expression pitiless."He won't let you near him, but he's desperate for loving."</p>
<p>Felix distantly thought that sounded like something Sylvain might say about him."Where's--oh."</p>
<p>The other cats all seemed to come out of the woodworks at the sounds of people talking.There were a couple of black and white cats, one with a mostly white face that he remembered was Llamaface, and another that he guessed was the mother of the litter.From a stack of wood at the corner appeared a face very familiar from his communications with Mia.</p>
<p>Spinach Puff's fur was all pressed up on one side, and his eyes were narrow and sleepy.It was like the cat had bedhead so bad it took up his entire body.</p>
<p>"You look rough," Mia said, crouching to try and pluck little bits of bark out of Spinach's fur.</p>
<p>Felix crouched beside her, extending his hand for the drowsy cat to ignore."So, you're the reason I'm here," he said.</p>
<p>Spinach Puff scratched at his ear and yawned.</p>
<p>Felix gave up on introductions and just started to pet Spinach, who stood up to arch his back against his hand before slithering to the ground.Spinach rolled onto his side and closed his eyes.Felix tentatively put his fingers around the cat's paws, and when that didn't get him in trouble he flipped them to see and feel the soft toe beans.</p>
<p>"How old is he?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>Mia shrugged."Four months?Maybe.Give or take."</p>
<p>He should have known better than to expect that she would have a remotely confident answer.Pushing down his frustration, Felix decided to turn his attention to examining the cat.He could easily roll Spinach Puff from side to side by gently tugging at the paws, which he had never seen in his life.</p>
<p>"Is he lazy or just that calm?"</p>
<p>"Maybe both?He's chill.We've let him inside for snacks and brushing, and he sort of just flops down in the middle of the kitchen.He doesn't act up until we try to kick him back outside."</p>
<p>Felix glanced at Mia's hand, to where her fingers were still working at debris caught in Spinach Puff's tail."I take it the scratches are from Angie?"</p>
<p>"Hm?Yeah, but this big one's actually Llamaface.She's very enthusiastic with playing.Puff is, too, but maybe he's a bit better at telling the difference between leaf and finger."Mia gently tickled at the cat's chest, fingers emerging with a bur.</p>
<p>"I keep wanting to say Lemonface," Felix said.The cat in question was drawing near, hoping for treats maybe.Her colouring made her look like her nose was a lot longer than it really was.</p>
<p>"That's a good name," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix stared at her.</p>
<p>"It suits her," Mia went on.She kept plucking at Spinach Puff's fur."How did you manage this?I'll need the brush for this one."</p>
<p>Her hair was a little longer on this side of her face.She flicked it and caught Felix's eyes."What?"</p>
<p>He blinked."Have you ever given a cat a decent name?Or do you just settle on the first idiotic sounds that come to mind?"Felix hurriedly looked at the ground, biting his lip.</p>
<p>Mia only laughed."Oh, sure, and naming a cat after a sword is completely decent!I'm getting the brush, I'll be right back."</p>
<p>"Estoc is a good name," Felix protested. </p>
<p>"It probably is," Mia said, getting up and discarding her collection of burs on the gravel.She opened the door with a creak, disappearing inside.She returned momentarily with the promised brush, and an old mayonnaise jar half-filled with cat treats.</p>
<p>Llamaface saw it and started yelling.Mia set it down, still closed, and the cat furiously tried to get in.</p>
<p>"I give treats after brushes so that he'll keep letting me do it," Mia explained.She set to work on Spinach Puff's burs.</p>
<p>Felix watched her, and massaged Spinach Puff's beans.The cat seemed tempted to wrestle the brush, but laid his head back when Felix scritched his chin.</p>
<p>Mia laughed."Spa day for Spinach Puff!"</p>
<p>Felix reached out with a hand to Llamaface, who butted her head against his palm.The sun was warm on his back.Somewhere, sheep baaed.</p>
<p>"You wouldn't mind giving him away?" Felix asked.<em> </em></p>
<p>Mia shook her head."Of course not.I don't want barn cats.There are too many dangers for them.If someone takes them indoors, they'll be happier, and live so much longer.I mean, it's sad, because they're characters and we miss them, but it's also nice knowing you've actually saved one."</p>
<p>Finished with brushing the cat, Mia reached for the treat jar.Felix gathered up the freshly-fluffed Spinach Puff and held him close.Puff looked up at him with calm, bright eyes.</p>
<p>"He's baby," Mia said.</p>
<p>"He's king baby," Felix amended.</p>
<p>King baby started to wriggle when he heard the treats shake, so Felix let him go.Every previously disinterested cat, including Angie, came running for that sound.Mia scattered treats on the ground and hand-fed Spinach Puff.</p>
<p>Calm was the last thing he'd expected to feel here.But that was all Felix could find inside right now.It felt real, and he wondered when it all would change.</p>
<p>"Then why is he called Spinach Puff?"</p>
<p>Mia adjusted her weight from one side to the other."They were all going to have themed names.<em>Emperor's New Groove</em>."</p>
<p>"Shit, I haven't seen that in ages," Felix laughed."So that explains Spinach Puff and Llamaface, but the others?"</p>
<p>"Well, it was actually Angie and Devvie, for the shoulder angel and devil, but well," Mia trailed off.</p>
<p>Felix grabbed Angie around the middle and held him up."I see.Okay, and Dirty Potato?"</p>
<p>"Everyone kept calling him different things, he was also Squeaker and I think we called him Lever for a bit, but he kept rolling in the dirt like a potato," Mia explained.</p>
<p>"What a mess," Felix said. </p>
<p>"All right, so why did you name her Estoc?"</p>
<p>Felix bristled."It's a long sword with a sharpened point, and her fangs reminded me of it.That and she's the colour of a blade, and like an Estoc you need both hands to hold her properly."</p>
<p>"Oh, that's really good," Mia said.She stood up, stretching."That's well thought-out.What kind of swords are you interested in?"</p>
<p>"All of them," Felix said, straightening.He watched her carefully, quite sure that she wasn't interested in hearing about them.</p>
<p>Mia tilted her head."What got you into it?"</p>
<p>Felix was left blinking again.<em>Why?</em>He had just always been interested in blades.It was a part of him, something he'd always been obsessed with, details and visuals that were always interesting to go back to.</p>
<p>"My brother watched a lot of movies with swordfights," Felix found himself saying."So he'd get every book on swords that he could find, and read them with me.He even won the college fencing championship twice in a row."He looked away.</p>
<p>"That's impressive.Movies like <em>Zorro</em> or like<em> Princess Bride</em>?"</p>
<p>"Shut up," Felix grumbled."Both.All of it."</p>
<p>Mia was quiet for a bit."It's kind of early for the movie.Do you want coffee?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix said."Thanks."</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Felix had met Mrs. Cecile up north, and she had seemed like a generic mom then and didn't seem much different now.Apparently it was coffee-time in general, because Mr. Cecile was there, too, flicking through the tv between judge shows and old western movies.He was grey and looked very much like your standard farmer, with his free farm show ball cap on the couch at his side.</p>
<p>"Nice hair," Mr. Cecile said, in a way that Felix suspected was not very genuine. </p>
<p>Felix narrowed his eyes and felt the ponytail at the back of his head."It's better than nothing."</p>
<p>The coffee was weak.Felix sat next to Mia on the loveseat and watched a commercial about paper towels.</p>
<p>"So you're seeing that spy movie?" Mr. Cecile asked, turning away from the tv like it was taking all his effort. </p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix said.</p>
<p>Mia nodded.</p>
<p>"Where do you work?"</p>
<p>Felix closed his eyes and pretended that the coffee was stronger."My father's security company."</p>
<p>"Like <em>Hitman's Bodyguard</em>?Ryan Reynolds," Mr. Cecile said.</p>
<p>Felix didn't have much to say to such an inexplicable comment.He shrugged, turning to look out a side window facing a bird feeder."Sure.Just like that."</p>
<p>Mr. Cecile let out a little gasp of almost childlike wonder, which made his wife and daughter laugh a bit.Felix didn't roll his eyes.</p>
<p>After a bit of discussion re: action movies, Mr. Cecile slurped the last of his coffee and said he had to go out. </p>
<p>"You seem all right," he said to Felix."I'm glad you have a job.But, you know, if you break my daughter's heart, I will kill you and bury your body in the woods.That's from <em>R.E.D.</em>"</p>
<p>"Dad," Mia groaned, pressing her forehead against her mug."Oh my God."</p>
<p>"I've seen it," Felix said. </p>
<p>"Yeah?" Mr. Cecile grinned.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix said.It was all right, but he had never been a big fan of Bruce Willis.He figured that was the kind of statement that could get him into trouble here.</p>
<p>"You don't have to worry about that," Mia said to her dad.</p>
<p>Felix was glad that Mia could see the difference between himself and Sylvain, but he still felt a little pang somewhere inside.Here wasn't the place to study it though.</p>
<p>Mr. Cecile was curious about this information, but he had to go out and meet someone about a tire for a tractor, so he left Mia, Felix, and Mrs. Cecile to themselves.</p>
<p>"Where are you going to go eat?" Mrs. Cecile asked."Mia, you have the phone?"</p>
<p>"A local place," Felix said.</p>
<p>"I think it's charging," Mia said, getting up to the kitchen.</p>
<p>"I thought you didn't have a phone," Felix called after her.</p>
<p>"It's the Emergency Phone," Mia replied.She returned with the kind of outdated cell used as a burner in crime shows.</p>
<p>Felix snorted.Was he an emergency?"Do you blackmail people from that?Does it even have a camera?"</p>
<p>"No, and yes," Mia said."Should we get going?"</p>
<p>"Sure.But if my car gets stolen we'll use a phone from this century," Felix said.</p>
<p>Mia said goodbye to her mom, who wished her to have a good time, but looked worried.Felix followed Mia to the side door and got his runners on, while Mia got her purse from a hook behind the door.</p>
<p>"Sorry about my dad," she said."He's wanted to say that for ages."</p>
<p>"It's fine," Felix said.Mia layered her plaids again, red over blue and purple, pulled on a pair of short brown suede boots with heels that Felix doubted were comfortable, and said that she was ready.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mia was not actually ready.She didn't know if this was a date or not.She didn't know if she wanted it to be.Maybe?Asking would just be awkward.She got into Felix's blue car, which felt low after a lifetime of driving in pick-up trucks and school buses.Cars were so close to the ground.They didn't feel safe.</p>
<p>Felix got in next to her, all business as he put the vehicle in reverse and guided it to the road.He had the radio off.Now that it was just them, no parents, no friends, no cats, Mia had no idea what to say.She wanted to break the silence.</p>
<p>She didn't. </p>
<p>Felix drove well, and Mia watched his hands on the wheel.It was close to a twenty minute drive to the built-up part of Airmid, where the big box stores and movie theatre could be found.Felix had done his research, mapping the way in his head and not needing his phone for directions.Mia wondered if he'd ever been here before.</p>
<p>They got to the theatre, got their tickets, and headed inside.</p>
<p>"You've seen the others in this series?" Felix asked when they were seated.</p>
<p>Mia nodded."Yeah."</p>
<p>Felix didn't say any more.</p>
<p>Great.She glanced at him, to her right.There weren't many other people there, it being a Tuesday.Mia hadn't wanted anything to snack on so Felix had said he was fine skipping it, too.She thought about telling him to go get something that they could share, but bit the inside of her cheek instead.</p>
<p>The movie started up.Felix was there to watch, which suited Mia just fine.She didn't know what else one did in a movie theatre, anyway.</p>
<p>It was a traditional spy movie, action, sneaking, getting caught, getting tortured.Mia didn't love that sort of thing and thought that most of these movies could do without it.</p>
<p>The hero was strapped down to a chair.The villain's henchman handed his boss a bag.He reached in and pulled out a tarantula.</p>
<p>Mia cringed her eyes shut and turned her head to the side."Fuck!No!"</p>
<p>The villain was monologuing.Mia didn't dare think about what was going to happen with that spider, but her throat got tight and she felt like gripping the arm of her seat anyway.</p>
<p>"Hey," Felix leaned across his seat to her, to breathe in her ear."Hey, do you need to leave?"</p>
<p>"No," Mia squeaked.</p>
<p>"Are you having a panic attack?"</p>
<p>"No, I just can't watch," Mia whispered. </p>
<p>He leaned in enough that the side of his face blocked most of her view of the screen.It didn't stop her from hearing the hero's gasping breaths and screams.</p>
<p>"I'll tell you when it's done," Felix murmured."It's not as bad as you're imagining.But I'll tell you when it's over."</p>
<p>"Sorry."</p>
<p>His hand found hers and pried it off the arm of her seat.His fingers wrapped around hers, tight.Mia flinched at a scream and he pulled at her arm.Unconsciously, Mia pressed her forehead into his shoulder.</p>
<p>Felix's voice was flat and practical."He's overreacting.It's almost done.You're fine.It's not so bad."</p>
<p>There were gunshots followed by heroic music. </p>
<p>"He's gotten away," Felix murmured."Everything's all right."</p>
<p>From the music, Mia could tell that there had been a change of scene.</p>
<p>"It's done.You can look if you want," Felix said.</p>
<p>Mia pulled back from his shoulder just enough to nod, and felt him lean back into his own seat.</p>
<p>He loosened his grip on her hand, but didn't let go. </p>
<p>"Are you all right?"</p>
<p>Mia nodded."Thank you."Her face was burning.</p>
<p>"Do you want water?"</p>
<p>She looked down at her knees."No, thanks.I'm fine."</p>
<p>"All right.Good."</p>
<p>Mia glanced at him, and saw that he wasn't looking at the movie anymore.Instead, his eyes were trained downward to her hand in his.He turned her palm up and slid his thumb across it.</p>
<p>A shiver ran down her spine.Her heart had already been pounding from the anxiety-inducing music and high volume of screaming, but now she barely paid attention to the screen.Her rapid pulse was in Felix's hand, the heat of his eyes and his fingers making her feel like she was going to erupt in flames.She thought she might like this.</p>
<p>He held her hand through the whole second half of the movie, and Mia could tell whenever he got bored with the plot because he would explore her knuckles with his fingertips.She would look over at him from the corner of her eye and see him looking down, almost like he was reading. </p>
<p>Mia didn't remember much of the story.When the lights came back on, she couldn't say for sure what the threat was that their spy hero had had to overcome.Something about a computer program.Maybe?</p>
<p>The credits were rolling.Mia looked over at Felix, fully.He was blinking in the light.It was almost like when she had woken up Spinach Puff.</p>
<p>He turned his face to her, and lifted her hand a little.</p>
<p>"Sorry for picking such a bad movie," he said.</p>
<p>"It wasn't," Mia said."I had fun."</p>
<p>Glancing down, Felix seemed to realize that his fingers were still wrapped around hers.Face red, he let go, slowly.</p>
<p>"Sorry I freaked out," Mia said.</p>
<p>He shrugged, and began getting out of his seat."People have phobias.Sylvain is worse watching any scene where people are trapped underground."</p>
<p>Mia wasn't sure he should be telling her about his friend's weaknesses, and she was definitely not going to ask what had lead to <em>that</em> fear.She simply thanked Felix again and followed him out into the rapidly dwindling daylight.Her hand felt naked and her face felt flushed.</p>
<p>Felix was walking fast, as if he needed to put some distance between himself and the person he had been in the dark.Mia had to hurry after him, too much to try and soften the sound of her boots clopping on the pavement. </p>
<p>If she could just reach out and find his hand with hers, maybe he'd slow down for her.Maybe he would know how glad she was that he had kept her safe.</p>
<p>He kept up his brisk pace until they came to his car.He unlocked the doors and leaned on it.Mia stood in front of him, and put her hands in her jacket pockets.The wind was coming up a bit.</p>
<p>"Are you ready to get something to eat?"</p>
<p>"Hm, yeah," Mia said."Thanks."</p>
<p>Felix smiled.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>asdhfgsasd this was hard to write, but the words kept adding up so it's going to be 2 chapters</p>
<p>The song title is a lyric from 'Don't let me fall' by Lenka</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. breathless from the mercy of a smile</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>a surprising coincidence, a surprising promise</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Now that Felix was driving, he could forget about the burning in his fingers and cheeks that been raging like a wildfire.Oh, sure, he'd felt fine in the dark, when he'd heard quiet Mia swear out loud and discovered that <em>somebody</em> had a little case of arachnophobia.He had been fine blocking out the sight of the cgi tarantulas for her, because despite what some might think, Felix's job was to make people safe and he was good at it.He also knew the importance of having something or someone to act as a grounding force in times of panic, so he'd felt zero self-consciousness when he'd grabbed her tense hand in an effort to further take her mind off however it planned to interpret the glimpse she'd got of her phobia.</p>
<p>It was afterward, when he hadn't wanted to let go.Felix had felt a little shame then, but he had also had a pretty good idea of Mia's speeding pulse.He had assumed that she had still been a little freaked out.He had assumed that maybe she would ask him to let go when she was ready, or slip her hand away on her own, without any need for fuss.</p>
<p>Instead, she'd let him have possession of her hand for the entire duration of the movie.Felix had moved it around, much like he had Spinach Puff's paws, feeling the soft skin of her palm and the little callouses on her fingertips, from handling wire daily. </p>
<p>And when the movie was over, she hadn't had the grace to pull away.She had made him face what he had been doing and be the one to let go.</p>
<p>Now, they were both quiet, Felix just trying to control his face.He didn't look over at Mia. </p>
<p>Sol's was a restaurant closer to the small downtown area of Airmid, near the river of the same name.Felix turned down a one-way street and parallel parked.</p>
<p>Mia made a sound, getting Felix's attention.She was hiding her mouth behind the back of her hand.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"Nothing," Mia said.But apparently even she realized this was an obvious lie, because she then said, "I cancelled my evening here when you said you'd stop by this Tuesday, and yet here I am, anyway.It's funny."</p>
<p>"Do you want to go somewhere else or not?"Felix snapped. </p>
<p>Mia looked at her hands, fingers clenching."This is fine, I like it."</p>
<p>Felix wondered what kind of an evening she had meant.They'd never talked about her friends.He didn't know if she was in a relationship.He had just forced his way into her life, demanded that she sing, that she meet with him, and that she go to dinner with him. </p>
<p>He grunted and got out of the car.Mia followed and he flung open the door of the restaurant, holding it open behind him.Mia ducked through, hands around her purse.</p>
<p>Felix was doing an <em>excellent</em> job of being likeable.Just <em>superb</em>.And of course, Ingrid had been right, when she had implied before he'd left that Felix did indeed care. </p>
<p>The restaurant's interior was warmer than the pictures online had suggested, a little ranchy but not feeling too themed.The floor was wooden and old, and the seats were rustic, with cushions that made Felix think of grandmothers' kitchens.There were horseshoes, new and old, behind every wall light.</p>
<p>A server with tousled hair saw them enter and left a crowded table to seat them.</p>
<p>"Mia!I thought you were going on a date!"</p>
<p>Felix momentarily wondered <em>who</em> Mia would be going on a date with, until it hit him.Felix was the date.His face, finally cooling down, started to warm up again.</p>
<p>"Stahl, this is Felix!I didn't know that he was bringing me here," she added.To Felix she said, "This is Stahl, he owns Sol's.We do our write-ins here."</p>
<p>"What," Felix began, but the crowded table, and the one behind that, had noticed Mia and were rowdily yelling across the room now.</p>
<p>"Mia!Dammit, what are you doing here?"</p>
<p>"I guess her date was a <em>write-off</em>!Nya-ha-ha!"</p>
<p>Everyone at the two tables chorused, "<em>Henry!"</em></p>
<p>Mia smiled, and half turned to Felix."What do you think about meeting my writing group?"</p>
<p>It was the very last thing he wanted, so Felix nodded."Fine."</p>
<p>"We're a varied bunch," Stahl said, leading the way to the rowdy writers.They all had laptops in front of them, arranged around beers, pops, and hot sandwiches."Some are more serious than others."</p>
<p>"Wait, did you <em>bring</em> your date here?" That was a teenage girl with blonde pigtails.Felix thought about correcting them all, telling them that he was not Mia's date, but these were her friends and she was the one who was supposed to be dictating what kind of relationship they had, anyway.</p>
<p>Stahl shook his head."Her date brought <em>her</em>!He must have read the stellar reviews online and thought it was perfect!"</p>
<p>"My friend Ingrid recommended it," Felix admitted under his breath. </p>
<p>It wasn't too quietly for Stahl."Ingrid?Galatea?"</p>
<p>"God, what did she do?"</p>
<p>"She's only a famous showjumper!I try to keep up on stuff like that," Stahl explained."She ate three burgers the last time she was here." </p>
<p>"That sounds like her."</p>
<p>"Everyone, this is Felix, we met up North," Mia said.Felix noted that so far, Mia had not corrected them about this not being a date, either.</p>
<p>"Fuck, you look familiar," a woman with short, curly red hair said.She sat on the outside edge of the bench and was wearing the same kind of apron that Stahl had on, only hers was reddish instead of greenish."Where the Hell have I seen you before?"</p>
<p>"I wouldn't know," Felix said brusquely.He did know.Despite his best efforts he sometimes ended up in pictures behind the Boar. </p>
<p>"Sully, you shouldn't swear, Nowi's here," Stahl pointed out.She rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>"I already know all the swears!"That came from a child with bright green hair and a boxy hand-me-down laptop that was covered in stickers.</p>
<p>"Is true," the man beside her said in a thick slavic accent.He was the only one without a laptop, just a meal."Any daughter of Gregor must know these things!"</p>
<p>"Then don't swear in front of Ricken," Stahl said.There was an answering 'hey! I'm a <em>man</em>!'</p>
<p>Mia began introductions.Felix let the names exit his brain like water through a sieve.There was no chance he would ever see these people again.</p>
<p>"Virion is my rival," Mia was saying.Felix heard that word and his attention was regained.</p>
<p>Virion smirked."Oh ho!Can you call us rivals when I am so far ahead?"</p>
<p>"What does that mean?How can writers be rivals?" Felix narrowed his eyes.</p>
<p>Mia laughed."It's about the word count.We do this thing, where you have to write fifty thousand words in the month of November, and because Virion and I are fated rivals, we try and beat that.And each other's final wordcounts."</p>
<p>"It's about fucking time Virion had someone who could put him in his place," the woman who had recognized Felix--Sully, he thought he remembered--practically crowed."He's always bragging about his damn poems and using words like <em>denou-fucking-ment</em>."</p>
<p>Virion chuckled."My dear Sully, my place is as the Shepherd's wordiest writer."</p>
<p>"Not last year," Mia said."Not this year, either."</p>
<p>"Not if you keep going on dates," Virion countered.</p>
<p>Felix felt his face getting even warmer. </p>
<p>"The rivalry is fun," the man Mia had called their municipal something-or-other said, "but we're supposed to just be proud to get any writing done."</p>
<p>"You especially," blond pigtails snorted.She began blowing bubbles in her pop.</p>
<p>"You all <em>know</em> I'm not a writer, you all just needed someone to organize these things!At least I'm <em>trying</em>," municipal-man protested.</p>
<p>A woman with a blunt burgundy bob pressed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose.She had been typing steadily throughout the conversation, but now said, "Chrom, you needn't continue falling for your sister's provocation when statistically the effort you put into arranging these congregations has resulted in markedly superior turnout to years prior to that which you assumed the position."</p>
<p>Everyone was quiet, which was good, because Felix needed some time to process that, too.</p>
<p>The spectacled woman sighed."We are scheduled for another word war in less than ten minutes.Please be mindful of the purpose of a write-in, which is to write."</p>
<p>Felix looked at Mia."What's a word war?"</p>
<p>"Everyone races to write as much as possible in a set amount of time," Mia said quickly, presumably before the living thesaurus could give a more long-winded explanation.</p>
<p>Felix's eyes narrowed.He liked competitions.He wondered just how good Mia was at this.</p>
<p>"What about you?" Stahl asked, catching Felix's eyes for a moment."Do you do any writing?"</p>
<p>Felix was suddenly assaulted by the expectant eyes of every writer seated at the two tables.He found a horseshoe on the wall behind them and stared at it.</p>
<p>"Not since school," Felix said."But I read a lot."Dry, cynical books, stories with bitter endings--definitely none of the vapid heroic fantasies Ashe lent him.</p>
<p>"Nya ha, Mia, so you haven't found your Mr. <em>Write?</em>"</p>
<p>Everyone yelled.<em>"Henry!"</em></p>
<p>Felix was in <em>flames</em>.He wanted to eject from here, or perhaps self-destruct.</p>
<p>"Do you," he began, and ground his teeth."Do you want to eat with your friends?"That hadn't come out too biting, had it?</p>
<p>"They have writing to do," Mia said."We can sit at our own table."</p>
<p>That was a relief.</p>
<p>"If you sat with us you could distract Virion and keep his wordcount down," the pigtailed girl piped up.</p>
<p>"I don't need to cheat," Mia said boldly.Virion laughed like the villain in some cheesy 1960's B-movie.</p>
<p>Stahl jolted."I guess I better do my job, then!Follow me!"</p>
<p>He lead them to a booth in the opposite corner, and Felix sat first, so that he could take the side with a view of the door.It was just a habit.</p>
<p>"Now, can I get you anything to drink, or would you like a minute to recover from the Shepherds?"</p>
<p>This was the second time Felix had heard shepherds mentioned, but Mia was already saying she was fine with water, so Felix just nodded and said 'yeah, sure'.Stahl grinned and left them in blessed peace.</p>
<p>Felix ran his hands over his face.That had been exhausting.He hadn't expected to have to deal with so many people all at once.He wanted food and perhaps large amounts of beer, or maybe something stronger. </p>
<p>"It was really scary the first time I went to one of these," Mia said softly.Presumably she meant write-ins, not restaurants.Felix felt kind of out of it.</p>
<p>Stahl brought them mason jars of icewater.Felix breathed a thank you that he was sure went unnoticed, and wrapped his hands around the cold beverage.</p>
<p>"I'll give you some time for the menu," Stahl said with a kind smile.Felix hadn't looked up, but he could hear the kind smile.It made him think of Ashe, not his voice but the tone when Ashe knew Felix had had enough socializing.</p>
<p>Mia flipped her menu open, but had to have an idea already of what she wanted, if she was a regular patron of this place.Felix sipped on his water, using it to help him regulate his breathing until he felt more present in the moment.</p>
<p>"Are you all right?" Mia asked quietly.</p>
<p>He nodded, feeling the colour rise to his cheeks again.Mia didn't say any more.Felix opened his own menu and looked for something that might be remotely spicy.He didn't think Ingrid would have recommended this place if there was nothing on the menu that he would enjoy.There was an insert with vegetarian pastas.Felix ignored that and found a section of meat skewers.That was more like it.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I should have warned you that this is where the Shepherds meet," Mia said.When Felix finally looked up at her, she seemed like she was on the verge of tears.<em>Good going</em>.</p>
<p>"It's fine," Felix said, putting all his effort into not just grunting the words."I'm just.I'm not a fan of big groups.And I like to know ahead of time what to expect of a venue.It's my own fault for not doing the research."</p>
<p>"Is that to do with your job?"</p>
<p>Felix cast his eyes down."Yeah."</p>
<p>"So you want," Mia began.She did that thing again, where she trailed off.</p>
<p>"Want what?You know what, never mind.It's passed, there was no threat, so let's just decide what to eat and then eat."The sooner they stopped talking about this whole <em>incident</em>, the better. </p>
<p>"All right," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix glanced over at the writers."What's with the Shepherd thing?"</p>
<p>Mia explained that it was just a fun reference to the region's sheep-filled history.Chrom had suggested that giving them a name would make them feel more unified, and therefore more encouraged to attend in-person events.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Felix said.When Mia just looked confused, Felix clarified, "I'm keeping you from your competition.You should have said this wasn't a good month for you."</p>
<p>"I'll just have to work harder and catch up," Mia said, like it didn't matter.</p>
<p>"You have to beat him," Felix insisted.</p>
<p>"Do I?"</p>
<p>Felix wanted to growl."What kind of attitude is that?"</p>
<p>"All right, all right, I vow to beat him," Mia said."I'll keep you updated on my progress."</p>
<p>"Good."</p>
<p>They decided on their orders, and the food arrived in good time.Eating made Felix feel better.He realized that hunger was possibly what had been making him so cranky.Usually, if he was out with Ingrid or Sylvain, they would have notified him of that and it could have been solved sooner. </p>
<p>"Sorry I'm no good at first impressions," Felix said, after Mia had chatted a bit about her friends and the kind of writing she did."They probably think I hate them."</p>
<p>"I don't think they got much of an impression at all, the way they all were talking over each other," Mia assured him. </p>
<p>"I'm not good at this," Felix said, gesturing vaguely.As if to prove it, he tried and failed to make eye contact with her.</p>
<p>Mia laid her palm flat on the table.In this light, Felix could see freckles on the back of her hand, close to her knuckles.She said, "Either way, I had a nice time with you."</p>
<p>Felix swallowed heavily.She had to be lying.He surprised himself with how badly he wanted it to be a truth.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mia was starting to think that this had been a date.Felix hadn't said otherwise, when the Shepherds had consistently labelled it as such.Then again, they hadn't given either of them much of a chance to get a word in edgewise, so that wasn't conclusive.But there were other clues, like Felix insisting on paying for the meal, after having already paid for the movie. </p>
<p>The drive back to Mia's home was just as quiet as the previous, but it felt calmer to her.She could relax into the silence better.</p>
<p>They pulled onto the driveway and, once again, Mia was surprised when Felix shut the engine off.Another clue? </p>
<p>"Thanks," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix was already unbuckling his seatbelt."Hm." </p>
<p>They got out, into the chill of the November night.By the side door, under the light, Mia could see there were still cats hoping for someone to give them a handout.</p>
<p>"I better get the carrier ready," Felix said from behind her.</p>
<p>Mia turned in surprise.Felix had the back door open, and emerged with a cat carrier.</p>
<p>"You were serious?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>Felix threw her an exasperated eye-roll."Weren't you?I can have the cat, can't I?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, sure," Mia said."I just didn't realize you came prepared for it, that's all."</p>
<p>"You said it was dangerous, I'm not just leaving him to the wolves while I get my shit together," Felix snapped.</p>
<p>Mia held her hands up."Of course!I'm not trying to stop you!And there aren't any wolves here, just coyotes and foxes and owls."</p>
<p>The expression Felix tilted in her direction could only be described as pointed.He set the carrier down, open, on the ground.</p>
<p>"You know he'll need full vet treatment before you let him near Estoc, right?" Mia asked.None of these cats had ever met a vet in their lives.</p>
<p>"I'm not an idiot.I'm taking him to Ingrid's first, she's got that friend--the one that's a vet."</p>
<p>"Marianne?" Mia offered.</p>
<p>Felix nodded."Listen, I'll take care of the cat."</p>
<p>Mia knew he would.From the copious pictures he'd sent of Estoc, it was clear how much he cared about his pets."I trust you."</p>
<p>Llamaface was currently winding her way around Mia's legs.The slight pressure made her look down, and Mia scooped up the black and white cat. </p>
<p>"Not you, Llams, maybe another time.There's Spinach Puff!" </p>
<p>Mia held Llamaface while Felix crouched and called the fluffy cat over.He picked Spinach up with an expert grip and held him fast.Mia held Llamaface up to touch noses with her brother, then set her cat down to say goodbye to Spinach Puff, herself.</p>
<p>"You're lucky, aren't you?" she said, scritching behind Spinach Puff's ear."You're going to get lots of love and treats and brushes, and real toys, not just crunchy leaves.You better be good for your new family, okay?"</p>
<p>She was conscious of how dumb she sounded, but it was important to say goodbye properly.As happy as she was for him, she would miss this cat.</p>
<p>Felix cleared his throat.He was looking away, but he met her eyes to say, very seriously, "Aren't you going to promise to visit him?"</p>
<p>Mia felt her breath catch, and her heart stumble over itself at the look on his face.She nodded up at Felix."Yeah, okay.When you're all settled in, Spinach, I'll come see how well you're doing.It's a promise."</p>
<p>Something about the way Felix smiled made Mia feel she was standing on the brink of change.Cheesy as it was, she felt like she could do anything.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Anytime there are more than 3 characters in a scene, I Will Forget that someone exists. Chrom almost didn't even appear. All I really wanted was to write Sully swearing (new skill unlocked! I can now say fuck!) and Henry upsetting everyone in the restaurant</p>
<p>Nowi is a hyper child who loves being in a grown-up writing group. Gregor is her adoptive father who is probably married to Basilio or perhaps Cordelia (I FORGOT TO PUT CORDELIA IN) and does not write but enjoys the atmosphere and supports his daughter</p>
<p>also i spent a good 20 minutes looking up different words for 'gathering' for Miriel's incomprehensible speech and learned a terrific new word, 'Conventicle', which is a secret or unlawful religious meeting of non-conformists</p>
<p>the title and first sentence of last line from 'Saved' by Jann Arden ;w;</p>
<p>I FORGOT LIBRA!!!! AHGGhhhg And Tharja you know she writes some creepy stuff. Like I bet the others are like 'so what are you writing this year? :) &lt;3' and Tharja goes 'A thirteen-part curse uwu so that Robin will love me' (oops Robin's not here either)  MARIBELLE my love I forgot you as well</p>
<p>I guess we'll need (CHERCHE oh my lsgjhahg) to have another scene with some of the other Shepherds now that I've committed to them being a part of Mia's life</p>
<p>Kellam is the CHEF at Sol's and that's why we never see him. Lon'Qu doesn't go to most write-in's because with his anxiety being around women he can't make it out to more than one meeting in a month, and this isn't his day but I would Love to have him and Felix meet (or know each other from like...online sword communities)</p>
<p>SUMIAAAAA who is literally the most likely Shepherd to be in a writing group I FORGOT YOU<br/>Next time...*clenches fist* I will include you...<br/>Olivia too. Yeah there are way too many characters to squeeze into one scene I actually did a Great Job</p>
<p>thank you for reading this essay</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. the quid pro quo's that we'll compose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>an admission (or two)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spinach Puff was a big hit at the girls' place in Ailell.Felix let him out in the house, with Ingrid, Leonie, and even Marianne excitedly crowding around to see the cat that had gotten Felix to drive all the way out here. </p><p>"He's a real sweetheart, just like you," Marianne said softly.That made Felix go red and Ingrid laugh, even though she agreed a second later.</p><p>"His nose is like a lion's," Leonie said.Felix had met her that morning, and she seemed straightforward and easy to deal with. </p><p>Marianne gently picked Spinach Puff up and began a casual examination of his eyes and ears."He doesn't have any eye goopies," Marianne cooed, "that's very lucky for a stray.But his ears do have some mites.I can give you something to take care of those."</p><p>Felix nodded his thanks. </p><p>"I can't believe he's just letting us all pick him up," Leonie said."Every cat I've met has ghosted under the furniture the second they see a stranger."</p><p>"Apparently he's very chill," Felix said. </p><p>"Chill?" Ingrid repeated, nudging Felix a little.</p><p>"What?That was--that was the product description," Felix said lamely.</p><p>"Right," Ingrid said.He could just picture her annoying little text smilies, and they mocked him."So?How was the rest of your trip?"</p><p>"Ooh, yeah, you went out with Mia," Leonie said."How was she doing?"</p><p>"Fine," Felix said.</p><p>Ingrid gave him a stare.Leonie gave him a stare.Both said the same exact thing.<em>You aren't getting away with a one-word answer.</em></p><p>Felix crossed his arms and sat down on the couch beside Ingrid, tilting his head back in defeat."We saw the new Bond movie.She's got arachnophobia.And Ingrid?"</p><p>"Yeah," she leaned forward.</p><p>"I'm going to get you back for that Sol's recommendation."</p><p>She sat back, eyes wide."What?Wasn't it great?Did something happen?"</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said, and he begrudgingly divulged what had happened, how Mia's enormous and <em>social</em> writing group had been there and how they had made fun of him.</p><p>"I'm sure it's not as bad as you're remembering it," Ingrid said."The owner seemed super nice when I went."</p><p>"Yeah, he's a huge fan of yours," Felix told her.She blushed and preened.</p><p>Leonie snorted."Who knew writers would be rowdy?Maybe I should go to one of these meetings."</p><p>"You'd fit right in," Felix spat.</p><p>Luckily, this only made Leonie grin."So, what, these evil noisy writers stole your girlfriend away and ruined your date?"</p><p>Oh, Felix did <em>not</em> like Leonie."Shut up.It wasn't a date.We aren't fucking dating."</p><p>"Right, it was just payment for getting the cat," Ingrid said, and Felix squinted at her, unsure whether or not she was being on his side with this.</p><p>"I guess that's fair," Leonie said.</p><p>Felix let out a little huff."We managed to get our own table.It was better after I started eating." </p><p>"So you get along with Mia?" Ingrid asked.</p><p>"What are you, my mother?"</p><p>She threw her hands up."I just want you to have friends!And Mia's nice, I think she's good for you."</p><p>Felix reddened and looked away.</p><p>"You know, Felix," Leonie said, "if you want to get back at Ingrid, just ask her about her totally-a-secret crush on Ferdinand von Aegir."</p><p>Felix snapped his attention back to Ingrid, whose turn it was to go red."You never said anything about this."</p><p>"<em>Leonie</em>, I do not have a crush on Ferdinand!I thought you were on my side!"</p><p>The tables now turned, Felix could appreciate a little the humour in his situation.Leonie did an impression of Ingrid praising Ferdinand's riding skills and from the other room, where Marianne was cleaning Spinach Puff's ears, a soft voice said that she thought it was sweet that everyone at the stable knew about it.</p><p>Ingrid buried her face in her hoodie."Promise you won't tell Sylvain!"</p><p>"We'll see," Felix said, one side of his mouth unable to stop from rising in a smirk.</p><p>She grabbed a throw pillow and smacked him with it."This isn't for negotiation!Ferdinand's got red hair, I'd never hear the end of it!"</p><p>"Wow, Ingrid," Leonie said dryly, "am I your type?"</p><p>Ingrid flung the pillow pathetically at Leonie.It landed at the other woman's feet.</p><p>"I won't tell," Felix said.He thought of their childhoods, when Ingrid had had the biggest crush on Glenn, who had been very kind about it."I might be happy for you.As long as you stop suggesting the same about Mia."</p><p>"Thank you, Felix," Ingrid said, still buried in her hoodie.</p><p>***</p><p>Mia was about six thousand words off the pace.She had her work cut out for her.The Wednesday following Felix's visit, she put all other activities on hold and slammed out five thousand words, which was awesome, except Virion had somehow added another four thousand to his own total.Mia could feel her energy flagging, but she reminded herself that she had to win, for Felix.</p><p>Why he cared was beyond her, but Mia would take any motivation she could get.She screenshotted her graph and Virion's as proof that not only was she trying her best, Virion was a worthy opponent.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> ? tf t means?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i wrote 5k and the gap is closing</p><p><b>Mia:</b> slowly</p><p><b>Felix:</b> y? 5k is much?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> a lot? To reach 50k in a month you need to write 1667 words a day so...</p><p><b>Felix:</b> y r u talking to me go kill ur rival</p><p><b>Felix:</b> spuff is being spoiled by ingrid</p><p><b>Felix:</b> marianne gave him flea med and 4 ears</p><p><b>Mia:</b> he has four ears now???</p><p><b>Mia:</b> or 6 ears??</p><p><b>Felix:</b> NO med 4 ear mites</p><p><b>Felix:</b> i stg</p><p> </p><p>Mia resisted the urge to send a smiley.Instead she typed out a laugh and told Felix to say hi to Spinach Puff (and the girls) from Mia.She got back to work.</p><p>***</p><p>When Felix got Spinach Puff home that night, the first thing he did after setting aside a guest room for him to acclimate to was bring in one of his swords for a photo.Felix set it in its sheath on a chair, and placed his new cat beside it.He got a few pictures with his phone, and chose one where Spinach had one paw on the guard to post online.He captioned it with 'your training begins today, Spinach Puff', smiled at his genius, and posted.He regularly shared sword facts and videos, and intermittently included pretty pictures of Estoc between those.He had his notifications off and never read any comments--that was too much work.He had only started this when Ingrid had been in Alberta for a few months of training and demanded that he prove he was still alive by getting a social media account.In any case, he had begun to enjoy having somewhere to curate bits of his daily life, almost like a journal but without having to be detailed.He only followed Ingrid and Mercedes, and somehow they kept convincing people to follow him.He didn't know or care how it worked.</p><p>Telling Mia about his account, or worse, following her back, would get Ingrid and Sylvain all excited over nothing, so Felix just sent her the photo privately.He told her that Spinach Puff would be quarantined for both cats' comfort for a couple of days before introductions were made.She sent him an update on her word count and her rival's. </p><p>He was satisfied, or so he told himself.But somehow, even with Spinach Puff and Estoc to keep him company, and having <em>just</em> seen Mia, and Ingrid, and Ingrid's roommates, Felix felt something he might have described as loneliness.Pushing it to the back of his mind was easy when he went to work the next day, but when he got home, it returned.Something had been missing from his visit to Mia's. </p><p>Like a shot to the chest, it hit him.A movie had been a stupid idea--they had both been quiet watching.And the restaurant had been too loud.What Felix liked--what he wanted--was hearing Mia singing.His hand found his phone on the bedside table.He covered it with his palm, thinking.Was that something he could ask for?But then what could Felix possibly offer in return?</p><p>***</p><p>Friday morning, Mia got up earlier than usual so that she could continue her race to catch up to Virion.She was not going to participate in the Shepherds' group chat until she was closer to even with him, but she still checked the feed to see what she had missed overnight, from the group and from Felix.She wouldn't reply, but she liked to catch up so that it wasn't in the back of her mind, bothering her while she worked.</p><p>The Shepherds were comparing word counts, and Frederick had hit another writer's block.Everyone had suggested he deal with it by starting a fire, and he hadn't realized that they were all joking.Mia smiled, and switched to her conversation with Felix.He had messaged her at two in the morning.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> h</p><p><b>Felix:</b> i kno u r not up</p><p><b>Felix:</b> thinking maybe i like hearing your voice</p><p><b>Felix:</b> forget it! v tired long day</p><p> </p><p>Mia blinked.She glanced at her mom, who was drinking coffee and playing Animal Crossing on her 3DS.Mia wordlessly got up from her position on the couch and took her laptop upstairs.There, she reread his messages and then lay flat on her back across her bed.She stared at her ceiling. </p><p>So, it was happening.</p><p>So far, Mia had been pretty confident in her denial.She had been doing a very good job convincing herself that she did not need Felix to like her and was quite content with being a weird friend with whom he could talk about cats.She had been getting used to his curt replies to her messages.It had all been fine.She had just convinced herself that Tuesday had not been a date. </p><p>Mia had accepted all of that, because Mia did not date, had never dated, and decided long ago that it would be easier to stick to the status quo, like she usually did.</p><p>But Felix liked hearing her voice.He had made her promise a cat to visit. </p><p>When all was said and done, Mia had not denied to the Shepherds that she had been on a date with Felix.It hadn't been because the chance hadn't been there, it was because she had been afraid that if she'd done it, then the possibility of <em>something</em> would be gone.It was all because, and this was not easy for her to say, but she did, she whispered it to her ceiling, <em>"I want Felix to like me</em>."</p><p>Tears threatened to pop out of her eyes.This was stupid, Mia was stupid, and <em>Felix</em> was stupid.She wanted to message him back with just that one word, just a simple stomp down on whatever this might become.<em>Stupid</em>.</p><p>She didn't want to have to learn how to do this.She didn't want the risk of screwing it up or having to decide what kind of person she was.Decisions were hard.Mia didn't know what she believed.She hadn't thought that she had known what she wanted, but apparently it was for Felix to like her back.</p><p>Mia sat up.She dragged her laptop closer and opened the conversation again.</p><p><em>Stupid</em>, she typed, and then deleted it.</p><p>A while back, she had been e-mailing back and forth with a friend from high school.It had been fun, and nice to stay in touch with him.But after a few months he had started saying things like 'miss you' and 'want to see you again' and Mia had been overcome with discomfort, so uncertain of how to reply that she had put it off.Over and over.After a year she had stopped even checking that e-mail account and she wasn't sure it even still existed.</p><p>Felix had her Spinach Puff.She couldn't ghost him.</p><p>She knew very well that he didn't want to talk over the phone.It hadn't ever been said, but she was somehow quite certain that it wasn't what he meant by 'hearing her voice'.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> ahaha thanks? I might have something for you</p><p><b>Mia:</b> maybe. tonight</p><p> </p><p>There was no possibility of doing what she planned when there was any chance of someone overhearing--Mia was far too self-conscious for that.But this was the night when her parents went to their mixed curling league.She would have a few hours of solitude, to record a very amateur rendition of <em>Just Found Heaven</em>.</p><p>If she was feeling stupid, she would send it.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix saw Mia's reply and his mind raced.She wasn't offended?Good.She'd have something for him?What.Good.He needed to think of ways to pay her back. </p><p>Other things were more important, though, such as helping Spinach Puff adapt to his new surroundings.Felix had some scheduling to work out for the next day, but otherwise he was able to spend precious time with his cats.</p><p>He was so glad to have another cat.With how often he was away from home, he had long wanted a companion animal for Estoc.She got lonely easily. </p><p>His old man hadn't been thrilled with the sudden appearance of a second cat, but Felix had given the compelling argument that Rodrigue had been completely irresponsible and thoughtless in getting Felix a single cat in the first place (which, by the way, he was still pissed about), and Rodrigue had told Felix to <em>please</em> not talk to him like that, and let it lie.Felix was happy to claim his victory.He hugged his new fluffy friend and told Spinach Puff that he was here to stay.</p><p>At around seven-thirty, Felix saw that he had another message from Mia.It was a sound file, with no other comment.</p><p>Felix retreated to his room and put in his headphones, mindful of the promise he had made to Mia about her singing.</p><p>She had sent him The Song, the one she had sung in the canoe.Felix had been listening to the original on repeat for the last two weeks, and now he had Mia's version of it.He could tell it wasn't professionally recorded, just done on whatever cheap microphone she had, but he was so...satisfied.</p><p>It made him panic.</p><p>Felix was quite sure that he would listen to this on loop to fall asleep.He listened to it a third and fourth time.How was he supposed to respond to this?She hadn't said anything, or asked his opinion.He didn't know what to say, because his thoughts were scattered to every direction.</p><p>Desperately, he texted Ingrid while staring at the conversation with Mia on his laptop.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> pls srs one second</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> im always srs</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ermgncy prmrs to secret</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> i swear it</p><p><b>Felix:</b> mia sent me smth rlly rlly love?</p><p><b>Felix: </b>how do respond?</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> :O</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> maybe tell her how it made you feel?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> NO!</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> omfg did she send a nude</p><p><b>Felix:</b> NO!</p><p><b>Felix: </b>imnot sylvain</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> omg what then</p><p><b>Felix:</b> nvr mind i shouldnt have asked u</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> god its so hard dealing with u</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> just thank her and be nice about it</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> u dont have to play it cool all the time</p><p> </p><p>Felix regretted his decision.He should have dealt with this alone.He definitely could not and would not ask Sylvain's advice.He would probably tell Felix to send a nude.</p><p>Ingrid's suggestion was super unhelpful.Be nice?What the Hell?</p><p>If he typed fast and didn't think, then it would be over.He did so and slammed the send button.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> ilosvhe it</p><p> </p><p>That was so not good enough.He looked deranged, or drunk.He should have slowed down and taken Ingrid's advice to heart.This was her fault.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> !!!</p><p><b>Felix:</b> thank you. owe u</p><p><b>Felix:</b> anything u want</p><p> </p><p>As an additional gesture of goodwill, he added a promise not to let anyone find it, to lock it in secrecy.He waited for this to blow up in his face.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> sword video maybe?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> got it ya m take a bit</p><p><b>Mia:</b> great! that's fine!</p><p> </p><p>Felix slammed his laptop shut.He felt very unfocussed.Why would she want a sword video?Didn't she know she could just go online?Hang on, he hadn't shared that with her.</p><p>Would sending her a link to that be seen as cheating?</p><p>Felix ground his teeth.He needed help.He had to admit it, bite the bullet and face the music.He texted Sylvain to come over.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Leonie is Aro/Ace I have decided after getting a question from her in the advice box in my recent GD playthrough. and yes I will continue to push my Ferdinand/Ingrid agenda</p><p>drank some coffee-infused whiskey halfway through writing this so it was like...going from 50cc to 200cc in mario kart. i hope it isn't too disjointed asdgf</p><p>We're 30 thousand words in! What!</p><p>And listen. EVERY town in Canada has a curling club it's the law</p><p>The song title is from 'Astoria' by Marianas Trench because i like the rhyme and it sort of applies? my title choices are very arbitrary but i'm having fun. I'm glad to be getting music back into the plot! Next chapter has something I've been scheming about in it ohoho</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. you're sending a wave over my mind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sylvain take the reins</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix could count on Sylvain being glued to his phone, but he was pretty sure his friend would be out on a Friday night.He waited anxiously for a reply.His stomach felt like it was bubbling with a whole stew of emotions, the ingredients of which he could not really identify.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>s emerg need help come ovr</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> hope im not interrupting some dumb date</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> Actually I was going to dump her this is perfect</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> what's up?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> horrible</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> hang in there! omw</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> u r horrible</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> ;)</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> not the time</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> should I bring condoms</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> wow</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> *anything</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> but hey ;)</p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>no</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ihu</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> ilu2!</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> H</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> Hlove</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> Hhate</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> ours is a Hlove Hhate relationship &lt;3 &lt;/3</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Having to communicate with Sylvain was the single most aggravating task Felix had to undertake, but his friend's predictable idiocy and willingness to drop everything and help did make him feel better.Felix waited by the door, pacing while Estoc watched from the stairs.Light from down the hall showed that his old man was still in his study, working.Felix leaned on the stairs and scuffed at the floor with his foot.</p>
<p>At last, he heard a car pull up the driveway, and the following sound of a door closing.Felix yanked open the front door and Sylvain jogged up the three front steps, looking effortless as usual.</p>
<p>"Hey, how are you doing?" Sylvain asked, not even inside yet.</p>
<p>"I have a problem," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Obviously, but what is it?"</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes and shut the door behind Sylvain, who either took that as a satisfactory answer or hadn't seriously been asking, because he kept chatting while he took off his boots in the entry.</p>
<p>"You know, I saw your new cat online but you haven't even invited me to meet him?Yet somehow Ingrid and all her housemates know what a sweet little man he is?That's cold, Felix.Unless, is something wrong with him?Is that what this is about?"</p>
<p>"No, Spinach Puff is fine," Felix said, opening and closing his fists."This is different."</p>
<p>Sylvain straightened and looked Felix full in the face."Whoa, you're really worked up, eh?Introduce me to your cat, and breathe, all right?Whatever it is can hold off that long, right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix said between his teeth.He shut his eyes, inhaling a deep breath."Sure."</p>
<p>Sylvain was right.Felix had told Mia that getting a video might take a bit, so she wasn't expecting something in the next ten minutes.Felix looked up at Sylvain, and was relieved to see honesty in his friend's face.He should have known he'd see it, should have <em>trusted</em> to.Still, it was enough to coax away some of the worry on his face, because then Sylvain smiled beautifully and nudged Felix to show him to the new cat.</p>
<p>"Oh, Sylvain," Rodrigue appeared in the hall."What a surprise.I would have thought you'd have," he paused, searching for the right word, "plans."</p>
<p>"Plans to see Felix's new cat?Yeah," Sylvain said smoothly.He glanced at Felix for confirmation that Felix did not want his troubles aired in front of his old man, and Felix hid his mouth behind his hand.Sylvain grinned falsely at Rodrigue.</p>
<p>"I see," Rodrigue said."Yes, it was a surprise when I came home to find one of my guest rooms was occupied.I do hope our new arrival gets along with Dahlia."</p>
<p>Sylvain reached up between the railings to where Estoc was watching."It's about time she got a boyfriend, right, Felix?"</p>
<p>"Get it out of your system," Felix said."I'm making an appointment tomorrow to have his furry little nuts removed and I can easily make one for you, too."Sylvain sidled away, covering his crotch with his hands defensively.</p>
<p>"Felix!" Rodrigue gasped, even though Felix knew his old man would be the first to donate if there were a fundraiser for such a thing.Well, first after Ingrid, perhaps.</p>
<p>"Don't worry about it," Sylvain said, winking."I know he hh--he Hloves me."</p>
<p>Felix grabbed Sylvain's arm to drag him upstairs, before his old man could ask about what was clearly going to be a new Sylvain-ism.</p>
<p>"Felix, you're working tomorrow," Rodrigue called after him.</p>
<p>"Do I look like I'm in high school," Felix spat down.He saw his old man shake his head and return to his work.</p>
<p>Estoc followed the friends up, to the guest room that was currently housing Spinach Puff.She could smell and hear another cat in her abode, and even though she had no use for the guest room, she was offended that someone would be using it without her permission.She tried to slither in after Sylvain but Felix manage to stop her with his foot, pushing the door gently closed so he didn't whack her in the nose.</p>
<p>Sylvain sat on the bed, cross-legged, and Felix scooped up Spinach Puff from near the door.He dumped the cat in Sylvain's lap, unceremoniously.</p>
<p>"He's so soft, holy shit," Sylvain breathed."His fur's thicker than Estoc's."</p>
<p>"Hm," Felix agreed. </p>
<p>Sylvain lifted Spinach Puff to look at the cat's face, then turned him over onto his back and covered the animal's belly with one of his big hands.Felix sat on the edge of the bed and touched his fingertip to the pad of one of Spinach Puff's paws.</p>
<p>"Are you keeping his name?" Sylvain asked."It's not very you."</p>
<p>"I'm keeping it," Felix said, quiet.</p>
<p>Sylvain simply hummed, not pressing for a reason.He marvelled at how willing Spinach was to cuddle with a total stranger. </p>
<p>"Yeah, he's uh, chill, apparently," Felix said.</p>
<p>"He's mega-chill.You can learn from him," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Felix smacked him on the arm.</p>
<p>"Ingrid told me you went to a farm near Airmid to get him," Sylvain said."She also said that was where Mia was driving in from for that jewellery thing they did.Don't get defensive, because I'm not suggesting anything, but is she where you got the cat from?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix said.Sylvain waited for him to say more.Since it <em>was</em> the reason Felix had called him, he scratched at his hair and got on with it."I've been talking to her.Online.It's why I need your help."</p>
<p>"Wow, okay, sure," Sylvain said."Anything you need."</p>
<p>Felix had been expecting a joke about how cute Mia was, or how Felix was finally getting 'out there', or something more explicit because this was <em>Sylvain</em> he was dealing with.Instead, Sylvain just looked at him expectantly, and when Felix wasn't forthcoming, returned his attention to Spinach Puff.</p>
<p>"Okay," Felix said, because Sylvain was a schemer and his plan to get Felix to calm the Hell down had worked, "Okay.So when I got the cat from Mia, we also went to a movie and had dinner."</p>
<p>Sylvain's eyes widened, but all he did was nod.<em>Go on</em>.</p>
<p>"Okay.And I--" Felix bit his lip, because he had promised to not tell anyone about Mia's singing, but he had to make it clear that what she had sent meant a lot to both of them."She sent me something this evening, and it's really good and I love it and I'm feeling a lot of things and I'm not sure what's happening," Felix blurted.</p>
<p>"Dude, did she send a nude?"</p>
<p>"No!Fuck, this is why I didn't want to call you," Felix snapped.</p>
<p>Sylvain laughed."Sorry, sorry!So what was it?"</p>
<p>"She--she doesn't want people to know about it, all right?It's not a nude," Felix insisted."She made something for me.And I think it means something."</p>
<p>"Uh-huh," Sylvain said, doubtfully.</p>
<p>Felix smacked him again."Take me seriously!"</p>
<p>"I am!What do you think it means?"</p>
<p>"If I knew, you wouldn't be here!"Felix stood up and started pacing again.</p>
<p>Sylvain laid back, his legs still crossed, taking Spinach Puff down with him.The cat sprawled across his chest."So she sent you this really special whatever after going to a movie and dinner with you," Sylvain re-capped.Felix nodded."I know you'll hate me saying this, but do you think it means she maybe likes you?"</p>
<p>"Don't be ridiculous," Felix snapped.</p>
<p>Rubbing his eyes, Sylvain let out a long sigh."I know this is hard for you, but you are likeable."</p>
<p>"I'm an asshole." Felix crossed his arms and glared.</p>
<p>Sylvain was not paying attention."You've got cats in common, so there's that.And I guess you kind of have the same music taste?There was that song you kept listening to."</p>
<p>"Yeah, she uh, she was the one who recommended it," Felix said, trying not to go completely rigid or give anything away.</p>
<p>"Right, so from all that, you've got to admit that there is a possibility that she <em>could</em> like you," Sylvain said, slowly.</p>
<p>Outrageous.Felix did not believe it for a second, but he decided to humour Sylvain."So let's pretend that's the reason."</p>
<p>"Now we're getting somewhere.So let's say she likes you.You've got to let her know how her mysterious unspoken gift makes you feel," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"I think I did that," Felix said."I think I did a shit job."</p>
<p>Sylvain sat up, disrupting Spinach Puff and sending the cat rolling onto the bedspread."You sent a dick pic!"</p>
<p>Felix grabbed a plastic succulent off the dresser and flung it at Sylvain, hitting him square in the chest."What is <em>wrong</em> with you?"</p>
<p>"<em>Ow!</em>Hey!Fine, where do I start?"</p>
<p>"Shut up," Felix said."I'm not a--"</p>
<p>"Okay, okay," Sylvain protested, hands up."I'm not letting you rip into me this time, we're helping you.So what did you say?"</p>
<p>Sylvain tossed the succulent back to Felix, who caught it one-handed and set it approximately back where it belonged.He shrugged, reddening."Something like, 'I love it and I owe you', and she asked me for a sword video."</p>
<p>"A sword video," Sylvain repeated, his voice flat.</p>
<p>"I know!What the Hell."</p>
<p>"Why would she want a sword video?Can't she just see as many as she wants on your Insta?"</p>
<p>"I never gave that to her," Felix explained.</p>
<p>Sylvain frowned."How's she even know you do videos, then?"</p>
<p>Felix shook his head and stared off into a corner, mind blank.Sylvain lay backwards again, but Spinach Puff was bored of him and had jumped to the floor, to bat at a toy mouse under the bed.The bell inside it jingled faintly.</p>
<p>"She was in one!" Felix practically yelled.He sat on the bed again, getting his phone out with one hand and using the other to shake Sylvain by the shoulder.</p>
<p>"What, what are you talking about," Sylvain rubbed his eyes and brought himself upright.He leaned his chin on Felix's shoulder to watch him go through his videos.Felix brushed him off absentmindedly.</p>
<p>"At the first party, the one up North," Felix explained, opening the video from that date and sliding the bar almost right to the end."When she needed to get home she almost stepped into frame.She was so weird."</p>
<p>He held his phone so that the both could watch.</p>
<p>There were about fifteen seconds of Felix going through his drills, but it was clear from his loose hair and poor posture that he was tired.He remembered the only reason he'd started was because he'd been upset, so he cut himself some slack about it.Then there was a muffled sound--Mia knocking on his door--and Felix told her to come in.</p>
<p>From offscreen came a surprised little '<em>oh</em>'.Felix in the video let out a sharp '<em>what</em>', and turned to face his door.</p>
<p>'<em>Oh, are you--recording?I'm sorry, I didn't realize--"</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"I'm not uploading this one.It's just so I can check my form."</em>
</p>
<p>"<em>Ah."</em></p>
<p>Mia almost drifted into the shot, just her elbow, as Felix set down his sword and stretched.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"What?"</em>
</p>
<p>There was a pause.On the bed, over Felix's shoulder, Sylvain had covered his mouth with a hand.Felix ignored him, instead trying to decipher the video.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Um, did I say something?"</em>
</p>
<p>Felix now filled the screen as he reached for the phone.<em>"What kind of question is that?You don't know if you said anything?"</em></p>
<p><em>"It happens more than I'd like to think--</em>" there was a static sound as Felix grabbed the phone and turned it over, shutting off the recording.The video ended.</p>
<p>Felix looked over at Sylvain for an answer.His friend had both hands over his mouth and his eyes were almost streaming.</p>
<p>"Well, what was that about?" Felix asked."What the fuck is your problem?"</p>
<p>Sylvain snorted out a breath, through his hands.He curled forward, shaking, leaning the top of his head against Felix's back.</p>
<p>"Get it together, what--"</p>
<p>Sylvain threw his head back and laughed.Felix felt very put out.He had called him for help, not to be laughed at.He'd expected relentless girl-related teasing, not manic laughter.</p>
<p>"I'm sorryI'msorryI'msorry," Sylvain wheezed."Oh my God, Felix, didn't you see that?"</p>
<p>"Did we watch the same video?This isn't the one where the deer walks over the plastic slide?"</p>
<p>"No, nonono," Sylvain gasped, putting his hand on Felix's shoulder.He caught his breath."Don't make me think of that one that was too stupid.Felix.Felix, I, you know I Hlove you.But you are so oblivious."</p>
<p>Felix looked down at the phone in his hands."I don't understand."</p>
<p>"Yes, I--I see that.Let me help.I'll try," Sylvain added.He swallowed, and leaned away from Felix to push his hand through his hair."So she walked in, right?And she sees you all sweaty with your sword."</p>
<p>"O-kay," Felix said doubtfully.</p>
<p>"And she, she was like, <em>Oh," </em>Sylvain continued, dropping his voice for the final syllable.</p>
<p>"It's probably not common for her to see someone with a sword," Felix pointed out.</p>
<p>"And this part," Sylvain reached around Felix to reopen the video.He scrolled to the end, tapping the screen to pause it at the part where Felix had begun to stretch."Pay attention to this, okay?You're not holding your sword anymore." </p>
<p><em>"Oh"</em> came Mia's somewhat distant voice.</p>
<p>The video played out, the same as before.Sylvain shuffled forward to sit properly beside Felix.Behind them, Spinach Puff had leapt back onto the bed with his toy, and was rolling on his back biting and kicking at it.</p>
<p>Sylvain leaned forward to look closely at Felix's face."Did you hear it that time?The way she kind of gasped when she saw you stretch--I bet she got a glimpse of some skin."</p>
<p>"I don't get it," Felix said. </p>
<p>Sylvain grabbed Felix's face."She is into you.She likes you.She thinks that you're hot."</p>
<p>Felix frowned.</p>
<p>Sylvain gave him a little shake."She wants a sword video because she thinks you're hot."</p>
<p>"No," Felix said, disbelieving.But his face was warm.He wanted to smile."You're joking."</p>
<p>Sylvain let him go and fell backward yet again, groaning like he'd been shot."What will it take?"</p>
<p>Felix thought.Could Mia think he was hot?He wasn't.Besides, he knew it was all about personality, anyway, and his was lacking.And if that wasn't a factor, then still, girls didn't find swords hot.And what had Sylvain even said?'She got a glimpse of some skin'?What was this, Victorian Fucking England?Mia was a farm girl, she'd probably rolled around in the goddamn hay with beefy neighbour boys, she would not be impressed by a skinny city swordsman.</p>
<p>"You have those...arms," Sylvain was groaning.He reached absently for Spinach Puff."Puffy, my man, he's so sharp and pretty.Tell him.Tell him that Mia thinks he's hot.You've got the inside scoop, anyway, being her ex."</p>
<p>In the movie theatre, Mia had let him hold her hand for the entire duration.That had been pretty weird.Had it meant something, though?She'd told him in the restaurant that she had had a nice time with him, but she had definitely just been being polite. </p>
<p>When he had packed up Spinach Puff, she had said that she trusted him.And--he had asked her to promise to visit, and she'd said yes.Could she have meant that she wanted to visit Felix, too?And her reply to his saying he liked her voice hadn't been outrage or incredulity, it had been to <em>send him a recording of her singing</em>.</p>
<p>The pieces, alone, meant very little.Together, though, they possibly added up to something.</p>
<p>"Sylvain," Felix said slowly."I think she maybe likes me?"</p>
<p>His friend turned his face towards him, eyes weary."Yeah?You think so?"</p>
<p>Felix nodded, slow at first and then with confidence."Yeah.I didn't think that would happen."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Sylvain said."It's okay.You'll be okay."</p>
<p>Well, that was good. </p>
<p>"And you don't have to tell me, but you do have to promise to give it some thought, all right?" Sylvain said, "but how do you feel about Mia?"</p>
<p>Felix frowned at Spinach Puff, who was close to rolling off the bed and onto the floor with his toy mouse.Maybe that's what all the overwhelming <em>feeling</em> had been, when he'd gotten the sound file.Maybe it was affection.</p>
<p>He thought about her stupid cat names and the freckles on the back of her hand."Maybe," he said."I don't have to know for sure right away, do I?"</p>
<p>"Right," Sylvain said."But you've gotta send her a good video.I'll help you pick."</p>
<p>He sat up and Felix handed him his phone."How?"</p>
<p>Behind them, Spinach Puff slipped onto the floor with a thump.</p>
<p>"Well, you need to tell her where to find all your posted videos, because she'll love that and all the cat stuff you put up there.So you send one that didn't make the cut and get posted."</p>
<p>"One where I screwed up," Felix said, feeling like he had made a bad decision trusting Sylvain with this task.</p>
<p>Sylvain rolled his eyes."No, but it can't be something that everyone else has seen.It has to be special because first off, she asked you for a video specifically, and secondly, it's as payment for the lovely nude she sent you."</p>
<p>"It wasn't a nude!"</p>
<p>"At least you sort your videos," Sylvain said, not registering Felix's protests at all."This one's long."</p>
<p>"Yeah, I only used the first half."</p>
<p>Sylvain opened it and scrolled to the last third.In it, Felix was going through a complex pattern he'd learned that summer, with a rapier.As it was the end of the video, he was tired, his footwork was getting sloppy, and his hair had flung out into a mess.</p>
<p>"Send her the last five minutes of this one," Sylvain said, confidently handing the phone back to Felix.</p>
<p>"No, just look at how bad my form is."</p>
<p>Sylvain shook his head with a knowing smile."Oh, Felix, that's not the form she cares about."</p>
<p>Felix blinked at the video."Are you sure?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'm sure.I mean, don't send it if you really don't want to, but I'm like, nine-thousand per cent sure that it'll go over well."</p>
<p>"So I should send it?" Felix clarified.</p>
<p>"Yes!Don't worry, I'll be right here."</p>
<p>Felix took a deep breath and edited the video down to size as instructed."I'm putting my life in your hands, here."</p>
<p>"Because you Hlove me back."</p>
<p>"Fine," Felix said, going red.He tilted the phone away to open his conversation with Mia, and dragged the video in after triple-checking that it wasn't some other group chat.</p>
<p>"It's sent."</p>
<p>Sylvain rubbed his shoulder."I'm so proud of you."</p>
<p>While they waited for Mia's reply (Sylvain was sure it would come immediately), they idly played with Spinach Puff, teasing him with the toy mouse and rolling it across the floor for him to whack under the bed.</p>
<p>There was a ping.Felix reached for his phone."There's an emoji or whatever.Two eyes.She says, 'this is perfect, thank you.'"</p>
<p>"<em>What</em>?I told you!I <em>told </em>you!"Sylvain jumped to his feet, then bent and grabbed hold of Spinach Puff."You did it!He did it, Puffer!"</p>
<p>"Okay, I'll send her the link to my other stuff," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Great, do that," Sylvain said.His grin was enormous.</p>
<p>"Uh, thanks," Felix said."Sorry for giving you a hard time."</p>
<p>"No way, it was so worth it.Say hi to Mia for me--wait, don't.Should I leave you?"</p>
<p>Felix shook his head."We've been ignoring Estoc.Let's have a beer or something."</p>
<p>Sylvain nodded happily and Felix smiled back at him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>right after writing this out i played gronder field 2 electric boogaloo and sent felix against sylvain just to see if there'd be any tragic dialogue (there was not) but Felix decided that using heavy draw for 16 dmg was Not Enough and that he should also do a critical. and activate lethality.</p>
<p>this scene is a little crude...a little drawn out...3.4k words of dialogue is a lot even for me, so poor Felix is probably ready to sleep for a year</p>
<p>the title is from Gowan's 'Moonlight Desires'</p>
<p>Unrelated! But I think in the Eh-U Donnel is from Newfoundland...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. i was waiting on a different story</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mia continues coming to terms with things, and continues racing to catch Virion</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia regretted her use of the eye emoji as soon as she sent it.She was mortified.What had she been thinking?She put her hands flat against her cheeks, then tried pushing her embarrassing reply upward Felix-style by adding more comments, like 'this is perfect' and 'thank you'.Hopefully that wasn't equally incriminating.Hopefully he would think that the eye emoji just meant 'yes, I have <em>seen</em> the video which you have sent me'.Considering how vehemently against 'little faces' he was while chatting, Mia crossed her fingers that this would be the case. </p><p>The video he had sent had surpassed her expectations.She wondered why he even had it, or if he'd just recorded it a second ago.The thought that he might be like this--panting and sweating and unkempt--a hundred kilometres away alone in his room, right now, thinking about <em>her</em>, made Mia's face flush and sent a little shiver down her body.Her throat tightened a little and Mia sat up a bit straighter, telling herself that she was being stupid.</p><p>Of course, recording and then sending the song had been her way of surrendering to stupid, so she warred with herself on whether or not she had meant it.On her screen, she saw that Felix had responded to her humiliating reaction.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> good were even</p><p><b>Felix:</b> sending link to inst</p><p><b>Felix:</b> stupid m forgot</p><p> </p><p>Mia thanked him and followed the link, and was met with the recent photo of Spinach Puff with 'his' new sword.Scrolling down, Mia saw that Felix posted a lot of Estoc pics, most of which he had shared with her privately.In between those, however, were videos of him training with, or maintaining his blades.It was clear from those and the wall he used as the backdrop to most of his maintenance videos that he had quite the collection.</p><p>He also had quite the following.The number was close to ten thousand.Mia had four on Twitter, and they were all Shepherds. </p><p>Mia clicked a training video and saw the comments on the side of her screen.She went red.</p><p>They mostly ranged from '<em>i wish he'd hold my sword like that</em>' to <em>'the sound he makes at 4:13 *sweat emoji*</em>'.Mia thought that she would have blocked every single commenter.Felix was either way more patient, extremely comfortable in his body, or didn't even know that he could look at the comments.She hoped it was the final option, because otherwise he would see her as being just as bad as all the other thousands of thirsty commenters. </p><p>Mia replayed the video he'd sent again, and noticed that it was different than the ones he posted.In those, he was always very put-together and still fresh.That meant that he'd chosen this specifically for her.It was similar to her singing, in that neither were things that they were willing to let other people see.Except, Mia thought, for each other.</p><p>The warmth that bloomed in her chest stayed with her until she went to bed.</p><p>***</p><p>Mia still had her fuzzies the next morning.She got up early and opened her laptop before doing anything else.She checked her conversation with Felix, and saw that he hadn't added anything.Something inside of her sank, but re-reading the conversation she saw that it had ended just fine.She thought about what she could say, and went with a brief message about the write-in she was going to that afternoon and an assurance that she was going to defeat Virion.She had still been three thousand words behind when she had checked their graphs the night before, but Virion did a lot of his writing in the dead of night, which he claimed was very romantic of him.</p><p>The morning passed normally, though Mia was not prepared for the feeling of having a secret to keep from her parents when they all sat in the living room with their coffees.It was silly how scandalous she felt--Mia was twenty-five and all she was doing was messaging a friend (on whom she had a crush).She hoped that Felix was having trouble defining whatever this was, as well, because otherwise it was just too unfair.</p><p>Mia wrote about two thousand words and checked her conversations again.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> can use video 4 writing?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> idk how but feel free?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> there were no swords in my story</p><p><b>Mia:</b> until now. ty</p><p> </p><p>She lightly tapped her 'F' key and thought about it.Certainly she would have a way to add quite a few more words, if she amped up the physical conflict in her story, put on some melodramatic music maybe and let the scene unfold like an action movie.She had seen enough, and she'd read enough books with swords and sorcery.Maybe she could do it, too.</p><p>If she just reworked the universe a little, added a little more distinction between the urban and the fantasy, not dividing it into two separate worlds completely, but arranging it sort of like a colour wheel...</p><p>Mia nodded to herself, psyching herself up, and began revising her outline.She was not above counting those words towards her overall goal.If Virion could write pages of verse with repeating stanzas then Mia could reshape her worldbuilding.</p><p>***</p><p>Whether it really was a good plan, or reworking large segments of her plot was simply enough to renew Mia's enthusiasm, she had close to another thousand words by the time she was ready to leave for Sol's.Before she packed up her laptop, she saw that she had a message.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> give someone an estoc</p><p><b>Felix:</b> jk but ican answer any q</p><p><b>Mia:</b> thoughts on sentient swords?</p><p> </p><p>When Mia got to Sol's and had connected to the wi-fi there, she saw that Felix had already replied.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> YES can u inclu?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> based on estoc total diva</p><p> </p><p>Beside her, Sumia glanced at Mia's screen."Oh, the group chat!I forgot my password and I haven't been able to see how everyone is doing!"</p><p>"Ah, no, this is a different conversation," Mia admitted."But can't you get them to e-mail you your password?There's always a button if you forget."</p><p>"I tried but it didn't show up," Sumia said.</p><p>Lissa sat down on Mia's other side, with a giant cookie and a bottle of apple juice.Chrom took the seat in the corner, across from Sumia.</p><p>"Ooh, are you talking to your boyfriend?" Lissa asked.</p><p>Mia's cheeks tinged."Is he my boyfriend if we've only gone on one date?"</p><p>"That's something you have to decide together," Frederick said as he slid into the booth beside Chrom with a coffee. </p><p>Sumia pouted."This is what I get for being locked out of the group chat.When did you get a boyfriend, Mia?"</p><p>"I don't know," Mia said.</p><p>"You missed him," Chrom said."He brought Mia to the Tuesday Write-In, well, he brought her to Sol's for their date and we all happened to be there."</p><p>"Oh, no, I can't believe I missed it.You have to catch me up," Sumia said.</p><p>"He kinda gives me Lon'qu vibes," Lissa said.</p><p>"How?You've seen Lon'qu four times," Chrom pointed out.</p><p>Lissa rolled her eyes."Mia knows what I mean."</p><p>"Mia's only seen him once," Chrom countered."Sumia, let me help you get into the chat."She passed him her laptop, which was encased in Nerf.</p><p>It was true that Mia had only met Lon'qu once.He stuck to the online community rather than attending the in-person events.Still, he had been at the celebratory closing party the year before, where he had wedged himself between Gregor and Vaike and hardly spoken.All she knew was that he wrote historical horror.He was always doing research on weapons and inventions from different time periods.</p><p>"Anyway, Sumia, he had a scowly face and a weird short ponytail," Lissa said.</p><p>"You're talking about Mia's boyfriend," Sully said, approaching from the kitchen."I still think I've seen him before."</p><p>"He's got an Instagram and tons of followers," Mia suggested.</p><p>"Yeah, I don't look at shit like that," Sully said, and retreated back to the kitchen.</p><p>Lissa perked up like a meerkat."Share it!I <em>need</em> to see this!"</p><p>Chrom had in the meantime passed Sumia her laptop back."Check your e-mail."</p><p>While Mia shared the link to Felix's social media, blushing at the memory of the comments she'd read, there was a flurry of activity as Virion, Cherche, and Robin came in through the door.Chrom waved them over.</p><p>"I do hope you're serious about catching up to me," Virion said to Mia, "This little contest has been getting boring."</p><p>"Why don't you take a look at my wordcount before you drop out," Mia suggested. </p><p>Virion raised an eyebrow."I am not so insecure that I need to check your score every ten minutes, my dear."</p><p>"You should be," Mia said.She was pretty much even with him after her morning of furious re-working.</p><p>Virion grinned and left his laptop in the place beside Frederick, then joined Cherche and Robin to get something to eat and drink.</p><p>Beside Mia, Lissa had opened up Felix's page on her own hot pink laptop."Whoa, is that a <em>sword</em>?"</p><p>"Yeah, he, uh, collects them," Mia said.</p><p>Chrom leaned forward to see before remembering that he had his own laptop.Quickly, he asked Sumia if it was working for her.</p><p>"Yes, it is!I can see it--wait, that's a new window, not a new tab!But I see it!" Sumia's eyes widened at the images appearing on her cracked screen."Oh, my.I see what Lissa meant."</p><p>Mia regretted putting the link in the group chat.Lissa was a bad influence.</p><p>"Hey, does he ever smile?" Lissa asked, scrolling.</p><p>"Of course he does," Mia said.It was a nice smile, too, that made her feel like she was falling backward into a cloud.<em>Oh, shit, I'm moonstruck or something.</em></p><p>"What's Mia looking all dreamy for?" Robin asked as he slid into the booth behind theirs, to sit where his back would be right at Chrom's.He twisted to frown at Mia.</p><p>"I'm not," Mia said, shaking herself.</p><p>Lissa told Robin to check the link in the chat.He whirled around to do as instructed. </p><p>"Some people tend not to smile in photos, Lissa," Frederick said."Although the sheer number of swords this man has is a little worrying."</p><p>"Mia doesn't have to worry," Sumia said."Look at how well he treats his cats."</p><p>Virion sat down beside Frederick with a large cup of rosehip tea, and Cherche took the seat beside Robin. </p><p>"Oh, good," Mia said, "that was my reason to trust him, too."</p><p>Robin almost spat out his tea."Sorry!Not that!But did you read these comments or what?"</p><p>Mia hid her face in her hands as everyone checked the comments.The door jingled and Henry came in with his oversized hoodie and permanent smile.She would be lucky if she got any work done here.Hopefully Miriel would show up soon to put everyone back on track.</p><p>"These people are so gross," Lissa said. </p><p>Mia thought about the emoji she'd sent in reply to the video and wanted to slide under the table.</p><p>"How crass," Virion said, looking at Frederick's screen while he got his own temporary work station set up."But also splendid for me that you have such a distraction.That trophy will be mine."</p><p>"Mia's got a better trophy," Robin said under his breath.Mia almost spat <em>her</em> coffee.</p><p>Cherche shook her head."Mia caught up to you this morning.It's time to stop blathering and actually put in some work, Virion.She's very determined, and you could learn from that."</p><p>Virion scoffed and checked the forum to see how true that was.His face dropped for a moment before he collected himself again."No matter!I always rise to a challenge.It is a relief to see my rival doing the same."</p><p>Mia rolled her eyes and planned to get to work.She had no time to be resting.On her screen, under the link she'd posted, were new messages.</p><p> </p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> what??</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> what!</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> how are you dating felidaeblade???</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> do you even know who that is?</p><p> </p><p>"Guys, look at this," Mia said, pointing Lissa and Sumia to her screen.</p><p>"That's Lon'qu's nickname now," Lissa said, for Sumia's benefit.</p><p>Robin flicked between a ridiculous number of tabs to get back to the chat."No way, Lon'qu's one of the thirsty commenters?"</p><p> </p><p><b>MorIArty:</b> we're kinda sorta dating maybe</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> do you even know who he is?</p><p><b>MorIArty:</b> he's a cat-lover I met last month?</p><p><b>electrician:</b> who is he, lon'qu</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> you haven't seen his videos?</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> i've followed him for two years, he can cut a grape in half with a cutlass</p><p><b>electrician:</b> tell me more</p><p> </p><p>There was a long moment where the only message showing was '<em>sas'quatch is typing'</em>.Robin held up his finger."Wait for it!"</p><p>Sully came out of the kitchen with the Shepherds' food orders balanced on a tray.She put the plates on the end of the second table and just let her customers sort them out.Cherche took charge of that while Robin fixated on his screen.</p><p> </p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> he's incredible with a sword, his videos are such good reference for so many different fighting styles, he goes in-depth on proper weapon maintenance, his series on cutting different objects in half has gone viral, and he has never acknowledged his followers once</p><p><b>electrician:</b> sounds dreamy</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> *middle finger emoji*</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> but yes @MorIArty do not screw it up</p><p><b>MorIArty:</b> I gave him a cat I think I'm good</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> what! you did what!</p><p><b>MorIArty:</b> I gave him a barn cat. I have to write Virion's mocking me</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> how do you even know him!</p><p><b>MorIArty:</b> i'm going</p><p><b>sas'quatch:</b> you can't run away!</p><p> </p><p>Mia ran away, to let her friends either try and catch Lon'qu up or keep him in the dark.She had work to do.</p><p>Henry sat down across from Robin just as Gaius held the door open for Miriel.She saw the disarray of the Shepherds and pushed her glasses up her nose.Everyone felt the chill in her glare as she walked past to order a single black coffee.Gaius trailed after her, his backpack no doubt full of discount Hallowe'en candy.By the time Miriel was sitting down, ordering the group to hush and get to work, Gaius was still ordering a very frothy cold drink and every kind of brownie in the display.</p><p>"Nya ha ha, I guess it's not the <em>write</em> time to talk about this!"</p><p>"<em>Henry!</em>"</p><p>Lissa looked at her phone."Maribelle's running a bit late, she says she'll get here in about thirty minutes."Gaius snorted at that as he sat down in the place beside Miriel.</p><p>"Should we start a word war?" Chrom asked."Nowi should be here any minute, but I guess some of you want to get started."</p><p>"Yes, I'd like to," Mia said.Virion smirked.</p><p>"Set the timer for ten," Robin suggested."We can break five, then do another fifteen until Maribelle gets here."</p><p>"That sounds acceptable," Miriel said."I am in agreement."</p><p>Everyone else nodded, too.Chrom set up his timer, everybody got their headphones and playlists set up, and opened their works-in-progress.Chrom announced in the chat that there was a word war starting, and then he told them to begin.</p><p>***</p><p>Nowi and both her dads arrived halfway through the first word war, disrupting it.The three of them sat at the table and chairs nearest the first booth.Mia took advantage of being in the middle of the bench to just greet the three of them and then go back to writing.Virion and Lissa, on the edge of the booth, were left to absorb the brunt of Nowi's energy.</p><p>When the ten minutes were up, Mia had five hundred more words, and Virion only had three hundred.It was a small victory, but it felt very good nonetheless.They all posted their totals in the chat. </p><p>"Are you getting tired, Virion?" Mia asked, knowing that if she taunted him he would just write more, forcing her to work harder, too.She supposed that was what a rivalry was for.</p><p>"So quick to gloat," Virion said.</p><p>Maybe so, but Mia didn't want the conversation circling back around to her and Felix.While Henry described the mechanics of his witch/familiar adventure-horror, Mia checked her conversation with Felix.She told him she was working on an Estoc-based sentient sword, and that she was getting more writing done than she had all month. </p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> r winning?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> by 154 words</p><p><b>Felix:</b> w do after finishing?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> not sure, maybe edit, or rewrite</p><p><b>Felix:</b> u share or is like other things?</p><p> </p><p>Mia was surprised, because he was even leaving her singing unsaid in a private chat, and because it <em>was</em> like singing.Mia did write, and enjoyed it, but the thought of other people seeing and knowing made her anxious.She didn't even tell the Shepherds much about her stories beyond a very basic synopsis. </p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> it's like other things</p><p><b>Felix:</b> so ur prb better than u think</p><p> </p><p>There was no time to think about it--the next word war was starting.She had to win, and she also had to finish something that maybe, just maybe, she would feel stupid enough to share.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My outline is one big blank until New Year's! I am improvising the whole writing/rivalry thing! </p><p>Lon'qu's nickname is sas'quatch because he's the group cryptid and also as i recall he's bigger than a wyvern in-game. literally the tallest person i ever saw<br/>Robin is electrician because thunder/thoron, plus it rhymes with tactician. he probably writes mysteries and includes lots of little well-researched technical details</p><p>I managed to avoid mentioning Basilio at all but you bet he's Nowi's other dad! He's on like...the Airmid town council or something and just got beat out by Flavia as mayor. Their rivalry and friendship is famous.</p><p>And hey wouldn't Lissa and Hilda get along so well? Younger sisters, bouncy personalities, both kind of playful and relaxed, enjoy doing Absolutely Nothing...I'm having enough trouble getting Mia and Felix in the same room I doubt I can make Hilda and Lissa become bffs  at least l fulfilled my dream of giving Lon'qu a huge crush on Felix</p><p>oh yeah and title is from  'How You Remind Me' by ksdhjshfg Nickleback of course since, ya know, Mia is changing her story and sdhf is she mistaken? handing Felix a heart worth breaking? Also Avril Lavigne's version is kind of eerie and you can actually understand the words<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. impolite would only be beneath us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>welcome to the party, Dimitri. </p>
<p>Felix is a little sad, and a little bitter</p>
<p>I think I added another subplot or two, but who's counting?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It did not surprise Felix in the least that Mia called herself a writer and then never shared her writing.He did wonder why this group of hers could just take people at their word when they said they'd written however-much, when it would be so easy to just lie about it.Felix was getting ready for another big day of making sure no one killed the Boar, but he paused in his preparations to narrow his eyes.Was her rival cheating?Probably not, the way he talked.For reason's sake, Felix also considered the possibility that Mia cheated.Would that change anything?</p>
<p>Felix flexed his hands after pulling on his black jacket.He looked at his reflection, which seemed less secret-service and more man-in-mourning.Why was he still doing this?</p>
<p>Before leaving, he checked his phone one last time for Mia's reply.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> ha thanks but i'm not sure</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> w's to stop either of u frm cheating?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sent the message, and felt bad about it.But it was on-brand for Felix.Another issue with what he'd said was that he was just jumping back and forth in this conversation, as his mind carried him.That in itself was probably rude.He should not worry about things like that, but Sylvain's request--that Felix think about how he felt about Mia--was still fresh in his memory and he was pretty sure he wasn't ready to chase her off with his bluntness.</p>
<p>Besides, Sylvain didn't have a pet.Felix thought maybe he could use a weird-looking cat like Llamaface, although he probably deserved a biter like Angie. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Felix collected the Boar at his condo.He texted that he was coming up, and found the door open into the hall.</p>
<p>"You can't just leave your door unlocked," Felix spat.The Boar was just walking around half-dressed in his open condo, like he didn't have enemies or get death threats on the regular.Maybe he thought that ridiculous cross he was wearing would keep him safe.</p>
<p>"And hello to you," Dimitri said, his bright blue eyes not hurt in the least.He pulled on an undershirt.Had he just <em>showered?</em>With his <em>door open?</em></p>
<p>"Why do you even bother employing us if you're just going to invite anyone with half a grudge against you into your home?"Felix knew the answer, and it was that the secondary, secret reason he had to stick to the Boar's side was because Dimitri was the danger.</p>
<p>Dimitri, as was usual, just laughed at his irritation."You're so serious, just like Glenn."</p>
<p>"Shut up," Felix muttered."Are you ready or not?"</p>
<p>"In a minute!"Dimitri hastily gathered most of his lank blond hair and tied it back.He shrugged into an enormous coat with a black and white faux fur hood, and hoisted his duffel bag.Dimitri followed Felix into the hallway and made a show of locking his door."I think you might have missed a few of my texts again.I love your new cat, I can't wait to meet him."</p>
<p>"Mm," Felix said, and a voice inside him said that it would be okay to let down his guard in Dimitri's very secure condominium building, but he much preferred being able to keep a cool distance.Dimitri chatted anyway, optimistic perhaps that Felix would choose today to let himself be distracted from his job.</p>
<p>"I've been thinking how nice it would be to have a pet, but I'm never home," Dimitri lamented.He trailed after Felix down the stairs.The new guy, Dedue, was waiting at the bottom.Next time Felix was going to send him up instead to convince the Boar of the importance of basic security measures, like locks.</p>
<p>It would spare Felix this kind of conversation, too, the times when Dimitri was almost like he used to be and Felix let himself consider that it might possible to go back to the way things were.They were never going to be friends again, but Dimitri could not understand that.And maybe they <em>had</em> both gone through the same kind of thing, a combination of loss and guilt.</p>
<p>Only Felix hadn't put four people in the hospital and caused a PR nightmare because of it.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Felix did not even look at his phone until he'd gotten home, after the Boar had won his game, after he had done a brief press conference to discuss the victory and plans for the upcoming series, and still after going out to celebrate with the team until close to 1am.That was always the worst part, because Felix had to lurk nearby and be aware of everything and everybody, because Dimitri had a way of attracting attention.People hated him, as much as they had hated his father, for the policies they tried to change and, perhaps more seriously, the attitudes they had attempted to discourage.</p>
<p>That wasn't all, but Felix didn't want to dwell on it.He was grateful that the night had been uneventful and the Boar had been delivered safely back to his condo.Felix had been impressed with Dedue's composure and was glad to have someone on his team who would take things just as seriously as he did.</p>
<p>Throat catching a little, Felix got a leftover slice of pizza out of the fridge and ate it cold, over the plastic container it had been crammed in.He got out a beer and drank, feeling some sort of nebulous sadness behind his eyes.He was stupid to have accepted this job, and had to be breaking some kind of code vis a vis having a personal connection to a client. </p>
<p>But could he completely trust anyone else to protect Dimitri, to know him?Felix grumbled inaudibly and fell down on the couch, spreading out on it despite all the pale Estoc hairs his dark suit would pick up.He didn't want to think about all this, when he'd done it a million times already.He took out his phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> w's to stop either of u frm cheating?</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> honour?</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> I got 1.5k ahead and am DONE for the day!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Felix shut his eyes and hissed out a breath.Ah, yes, his parting insult had been met with a naive sentiment.She probably believed in sacrifice and virtuousness and her stories were likely just as full of such bullshit as the ones Ashe loved so much.</p>
<p>He typed out 'don't tell me u believe that shit' and stared at the words on his screen.She would hate him for sure if he sent it.Yet, if it was so easy to push people away, why did the Boar think they were still friends?Felix had forgotten his beer on the side table.He deleted his words and instead wrote, 'so u just trust people then' and deleted that, too.In the back of his mind, Sylvain was chanting 'Don't screw it up! Don't screw it up!' and it was very irritating.Felix was tired and overthinky.That was what Sylvain would say, anyway, and since when did Sylvain live inside his head?</p>
<p>Felix took a few moments to breathe. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> good. im tired 2</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shut off his phone and rested it face down on his chest.There.Was that so hard?He covered his eyes with the back of his wrist.It was.It was really, really hard, because he knew the answer now to Sylvain's question.</p>
<p>Felix was happy that Mia liked him.Despite how impossible a task it was, he wanted it to stay that way. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Estoc woke Felix up the next morning by biting his hair, so he blearily fed her and Spinach Puff.Soon, the two cats would meet, but Felix wanted Sylvain at least to be there for it.Sylvain 'worked' for his own father's company, but being in upper management and having the ability and desire to not appear useful at all meant he could easily pass most tasks off to people lower on the corporate ladder.Most of his employees thought he was a dunce, which Felix was aware was an out-of-fashion word, but it was the most accurate adjective.All this meant that despite the fact that Sylvain was actually incredibly intelligent, he was basically available at the drop of a hat.The ones with difficulties in scheduling were Felix and Ingrid.</p>
<p>After feeding the cats, Felix put on a pot of coffee, not counting how many scoops of finely ground beans ended up in the machine.He filled it with water to the max line and pressed the button to start it.With both palms braced against the edge of the granite countertop, Felix waited for the machine to gurgle to life.</p>
<p>Once he was confident that it was doing its job, Felix sat at the counter and waited for there to be enough for a cup.He pulled out his phone and saw that it was too early to have gotten a reply from Mia.Right now, it was barely seven.Around ten in the morning was when she usually let him know how much her rival had written that night, and by extension, how much she had to catch up by.He gathered that it made her happy to talk about it.He was <em>not</em> invested or anything. </p>
<p>He couldn't believe that she was actually using his suggestions, though.He'd given her permission to use his videos for reference as a joke, because how would one even do that?It was stupid.But she had added swords to her story, because of him.She was basing a sentient sword on his cat.Felix decided to check Ingrid's social media feeds, and scrolled without seeing anything, because he was imagining Estoc as an actual sword.Right now she was licking every inch of her food dish while grumbling.Would Mia's rendition of Estoc have a master?What kind of character would that be?Felix wondered if he dared to ask her if she was basing one off of him, but that was probably too much.Mia wouldn't want to share, but Felix found that he really, really wanted to know.</p>
<p>Felix was invested.</p>
<p>He had to shake himself out of this.He snuck a cup from the still-brewing pot of coffee and texted Sylvain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> cats meet td</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> u r invited</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As far as distractions went, it was no good.Sylvain was undoubtedly still sleeping off a typical Saturday night.Somebody else was sure to be awake, though, so Felix texted Ingrid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> cats meet td</p>
<p><b>Ingrid: </b>good morning, felix</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> b there?</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> how was your night, felix?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> thnkn anoon</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> depnds n sylvain</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> i slept well, ty</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> l u2 be there</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> i can make 3</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> g</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> &lt;3</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> u should invite dimitri</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> no</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> he wants to see spinach</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> im not traumatizing my new cat</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> u r being a baby</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> if u invite him im telling sylvain abt ur crush</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> !!!</p>
<p><b>Ingrid: </b>&gt;:(</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> fine but i am disappointed u would stoop</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> c at 3</p>
<p><b>Ingrid:</b> :P fine c u then</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Felix silently thanked Ferdinand for being an easy method to stop some of Ingrid's well-meaning but ultimately disastrous ideas.He knew that Ingrid missed the way things used to be, just as much as he did, but trying to force Felix to spend more time with the Boar would not end well.</p>
<p>His coffee cool enough to sip, Felix turned his attention to filling his veins with caffeine.He ran his fingers through his hair, untangling it.Estoc found her way to his lap and complained about there not being anymore food in her dish.</p>
<p>"You'd look ridiculous fat," Felix said.He had a sip of coffee and rubbed her cheek with his free hand."Like a snake digesting a rat.That's you.Spinach Puff wouldn't look twice at you."</p>
<p>Estoc meowed.Felix smiled and booped her nose with his index finger.The cat sniffed at it, then rubbed her gums against it.She began to purr.</p>
<p>"Are you going to be in a famous book?Are you a muse, Estoc?I'm not surprised."</p>
<p>"Felix?"</p>
<p>Felix started, and sent Estoc gracelessly tumbling onto the floor."What?" he spat.Behind him, his father was standing in the kitchen doorway, already dressed.</p>
<p>"Good morning," Rodrigue said, "How was work?"</p>
<p>"Fine," Felix snapped.He turned away and hid his face behind his coffee.One hand went to the back of his head, regretful that he hadn't put his hair back first thing.</p>
<p>Rodrigue hummed, but didn't say anything about Felix <em>ugh</em>, doting on the cat.He set about making tea and getting things together for breakfast.</p>
<p>"I'm introducing the cats this afternoon," Felix found himself saying."Ingrid should be here by three."</p>
<p>"Oh, excellent, I wish I could see that," Rodrigue said, because today was his turn to babysit the Boar.</p>
<p>"Hmph."</p>
<p>"How was Dimitri?"</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes."He behaved."</p>
<p>"That isn't what I meant," Rodrigue said."I think it's eating him up that you two don't talk the way you used to."</p>
<p>"Why don't you go pray for a solution, then?"</p>
<p>Rodrigue leaned forward on the counter, eyes closed.Felix just knew he was counting down to an insipid response.</p>
<p>"Could you please be a little respectful?I would rather not go through this again," Rodrigue said quietly.</p>
<p>"You brought it up," Felix pointed out.He drained his coffee, poured a second cup, and left the room.</p>
<p>His old man followed him."I don't wish to push you, but it clearly bothers you, too.Would you rather I assign you elsewhere?We have other clients."</p>
<p>"It's a job, and I can do it," Felix said, freezing at the bottom of the stairs."Or has the Boar complained about my performance?"</p>
<p>"No, <em>Dimitri</em> likes having you near."</p>
<p>Felix let out a strained laugh.He knew that was no guess, but something the Boar had actually said.</p>
<p>"If that isn't what you want, though, I will happily take you off his detail," Rodrigue concluded.</p>
<p>"I've been doing this for three years," Felix said. </p>
<p>Rodrigue didn't say anything, and Felix was not going to turn around and search for an answer on his face.</p>
<p>"I am the best person for this job," Felix said at length."Think about that before you weaken his guard."</p>
<p>"I understand," Rodrigue said."I know I can rely on you."</p>
<p>Felix retreated to the guest room housing Spinach Puff, exhausted from the resurgence of old feelings.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, this is basically a filler/transition chapter but I think it's important for Felix's general arc or what-have-you, and I really wanted to introduce Dimitri because he and Felix are so intertwined in terms of character development.</p>
<p>So, um, my thoughts are that I'm depicting Crimson Flower!Dimitri, which is why he has both eyes. I'm saying he's Catholic, because I was planning on getting into Catholicism and related..stuff.. anyway. My thoughts are that after losing his parents he found comfort in religion, which! is totally acceptable! But it irritates Felix because that didn't work for him </p>
<p>I don't fully know how I interpret the Shield/Boar relationship, but I find it fascinating and complicated, so I'm just projecting that conflict onto Felix because I know if I were him, I'd be a mess constantly analyzing my feelings.</p>
<p>Next chapter, which should have more cats, should by extension have more forward-motion</p>
<p>Oh, yes, the title is from Marianas Trench (can you tell I have a bias?) 'This Means War' which really shows off his squeaky voice eeheehee</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. love like mine met with mixed reviews</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Estoc and Spinach Puff meet</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So how are we doing this?" Sylvain asked, after he'd gotten his jacket and boots off and Felix had put the water on for tea. </p>
<p>Felix shrugged one shoulder."I've been giving them their meals close to Spinach's door," he explained, "and sort of moving Spinach through different rooms to explore and get his smell in them.He's totally calm.I'm going to let them see each other, we'll have one of you in the room with him, and I'll be on the other side of the door with Estoc, and we distract them with treats and toys."</p>
<p>"Sounds like a lot of work," Sylvain said, pouting a bit."If they're distracted with toys how are they going to be friends?"</p>
<p>"Playtime is friend time," Felix said irritably."When we were kids did our parents just throw us in an empty room together?"</p>
<p>"No, you're right.You had your bunny, but you still cried and cried," Sylvain remembered.</p>
<p>Felix stiffened, the back of his neck going red."Well.I was two."</p>
<p>"You thought I was going to hurt your bunny," Sylvain explained."What if Estoc steals Puff's mousey-mouse?"</p>
<p>"Then we throw a different toy at him," Felix said, now red all over. </p>
<p>"I don't know, if we'd tried that with your bunny-wunny," Sylvain trailed off, wearing a dangerous grin.</p>
<p>Felix slammed the canister of tea onto the counter, loudly."It was a shit metaphor, okay?Cats are different than children!Spinach's mouse is not the same as a toddler's most important security toy!<em>It's not the same!</em>"</p>
<p>"Okay," Sylvain winked, "you're the expert, I guess."</p>
<p>Felix fumed."Make your own fucking tea."</p>
<p>"I'll make it better, anyway," Sylvain said, and he knew where everything was, spoons and steeping equipment.Felix checked the time on his phone, on edge in case Sylvain decided to reminisce some more.It was not fair that Sylvain could remember their earliest meetings and lord it over him.</p>
<p>Sylvain made his tea and scraped the soaked leaves into the compost bin.All Felix did himself was pour a burnt cup of coffee, still sitting from that morning.They waited for Ingrid.</p>
<p>She arrived promptly at three, smelling faintly of horses.</p>
<p>"Hey, you big babies," Ingrid greeted as she crossed the threshold.</p>
<p>"I know why I'm baby, but what did Felix do?" Sylvain asked.</p>
<p>Ingrid hung her jacket in the closet."He's not letting Dimitri see his new cat."</p>
<p>"If you're just going to talk about him, then you might as well leave," Felix said, crossing his arms.</p>
<p>"Don't worry, I'll drop it," Ingrid said."It's up to Sylvain to sort you out this time."</p>
<p>Sylvain backed off."Whoa, whoa, that's not why I'm here!Let's all just play with the cats and stay calm."</p>
<p>For once, Felix agreed with Sylvain."Finally, you're saying something sensible," Felix said, at the same time Ingrid said, "That's why <em>you're</em> a baby." </p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes, but he smiled, too."Ingrid, do you want anything, or can we get started?"</p>
<p>"I just drove an hour in Toronto traffic, I need some time to settle in," Ingrid said."Tell me your plan again, in case I missed anything from your one-letter text explanations."</p>
<p>"You always know what I mean," Felix protested, but he told Ingrid the same things he had Sylvain.Ingrid, at least, did not question the wisdom of having the cats distracted with toys and treats during their meeting.Then again, she tended to be the sensible one.</p>
<p>Due to the bond between Felix and Estoc, he was going to stay on her side for the meeting.Sylvain decided that he had gotten there first and was therefore the one who deserved to hold on to Spinach Puff for the first part of the meeting.Ingrid sat on the bed and watched, ready with a dangling feather toy for when the play began.</p>
<p>Felix gave them time to set up and held onto Estoc, still not tired of cuddling her and pressing little kisses to her sweet little forehead.She swung her banner-like tail and purred.When Ingrid called that the cat was calm and distracted, Felix opened the door.</p>
<p>He sat down in it, still holding and stroking Estoc.She watched the door, her big eyes taking in the room and the smell of Spinach Puff no longer blocked by anything.She saw Sylvain dragging a toy squirrel along the floor and the <em>strange,</em> fluffy, <em>mystery</em> cat that was chasing after it.Her soft grey nose stretched forward.Felix held her back, gently, softly telling her she was a good girl and offering a treat.She settled a bit, but her ears still pointed forward.</p>
<p>Across the room, Spinach Puff saw Felix and the lengthy creature in his lap.The fluffy cat paused in his play, then Sylvain offered a treat and waved the tail of the squirrel in front of Spinach Puff's nose.Felix rolled a jingling bell that he knew Estoc couldn't resist, and she entered the room with the other cat.</p>
<p>Spinach Puff heard the jingling and abandoned Sylvain, but Ingrid caught his attention with the feather toy.Before long, the two cats were playing near each other, but still separate.Sylvain got out his phone and started recording. </p>
<p>After a little while of this, Estoc decided that this stranger was a little too close.She froze and stared, swinging her tail low and dangerously.Felix could see a hiss was building up and that Spinach Puff only needed to come five centimetres closer before she would let it out.</p>
<p>Felix snapped his finger behind her and scooped her up."I think that was good.Let's give them a break."</p>
<p>Ingrid pulled Spinach Puff onto her lap.He seemed confused, but otherwise unaffected by the stare of Estoc.Felix guessed that in a semi-feral community, Spinach Puff would not be bothered by hissing cats.Estoc, on the other hand, was the queen of the Fraldarius house, and she had ruled it perfectly well, by herself, for five years.</p>
<p>More treats were given, and Estoc was taken back out. </p>
<p>"How many times are you going to have to do that?" Sylvain asked.</p>
<p>"Until they can tolerate each other without intervention," Felix said."I have to be able to leave them alone together."</p>
<p>"You'll have to be really diligent about trimming their nails," Ingrid said.</p>
<p>Felix nodded."Spinach is surprisingly calm about it.They'll probably have an even easier time getting along after his surgery.But he's good, he's still young."</p>
<p>Lacing his fingers together behind his head, Sylvain said, "So it's a good time for you to have gotten one, eh?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix agreed.</p>
<p>"Are they all as nice as Puff?"</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Virion had gotten ahead again in the night, but Mia caught up by the afternoon and had a plan for how the next scene was supposed to unfold.She'd decided against making a character based on Felix, at least, for the time being.Her solution was to have Sword-Estoc searching for her proper wielder, and therefore being temporarily in the care of Mia's existing protagonist.It was surprisingly easy to add swords to the sorcery in her story, and having Felix's videos as reference on basic weapon maintenance made her feel confident about her descriptions.They also helped her add quite a few words at a time.She was going to tell him of this, and saw that he had already messaged her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> intrducng the cats</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> estoc is little bit susp</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> shes n 2 sure abt spuff s taking slow</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had included a video, which must have been taken by Sylvain, because Felix was at the top of the frame distracting Estoc while Ingrid hung over the edge of the bed and tried to keep Spinach Puff away from the other, fancier cat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> they're so cute! i hope they become good friends soon!</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> spuff could n care less abt her</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> sylvain m want 1?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> w they still b th?</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> we don't have homes lined up for them if that's what you mean</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> fri?</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> sounds good</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She waited for him to suggest early afternoon, around one, for them to arrive, and then she let him know how her writing was going.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> g</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> dont b distracted</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> i'm right back to work!</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> destroy him</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The flatness of Felix's typing style coupled with the <em>intensity</em> of the statement made Mia grin.She reached for her star mug, dark blue and dotted with confetti-coloured stars.The handle was shaped like a star, which made it uncomfortable to hold.But it was Mia's trophy, at least for the time being, and she was going to drink her word elixir (coffee) from it for as long as she could call it her own.</p>
<p>She had a sip and prepared to destroy her nemesis.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Felix began updating Mia on his progress introducing Estoc and Spinach Puff.It seemed to be going well, but Felix apparently didn't want to take any chances that the two cats would be confrontational while he was at work.Mia enjoyed seeing the pictures and videos of the two animals, each beautiful in their own way, as they steadily got closer and closer to each other as the days progressed.</p>
<p>Mia threw herself into her writing, and revealed more about it to Felix than she ever had to anyone.It still wasn't <em>much</em>, mostly vague mentions of how unnamed characters were developing, or that she had large sections to rework, but just that felt exciting, like she was letting him in on a secret.</p>
<p>Using terms like 'worldbuilding' and 'subplot', however, resulted in the inevitable on Thursday morning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> s u went 2 school 4 this?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a common question, that Mia still hated to answer.She should have known it would crop up sooner or later, but she still took a minute to ignore it for a bit. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> n</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> self taught</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> i guess i am</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> w did u go 2 school 4</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> didn't</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ok</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> put it off too long</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> dont need to kno</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia pressed her knuckle into one of her canine teeth.It was so embarrassing, Felix was successful and smart and had probably gone to university and had all kinds of experiences and she was just a huge coward who was still floundering and didn't deserve anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> thanks</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> w</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Mia was still learning to decipher some of Felix's typing shortcuts, and 'w' was one of the most difficult, since his use of it was very versatile.Sometimes it meant a flat 'what' but other times, like now, it seemed to be something more like 'whatever', as in 'no problem'.Other times it seemed to imply that he had taken offence.</p>
<p>Aware of her inadequacy, Mia went back to work.Simmering in the furthest corner of her mind was the familiar regret of not having done something everyone else was capable of.She didn't check back until that evening, and what she saw brought a taste like bile into her mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> cant make fri sry</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:) </p>
<p>i had to watch a video on introducing cats because I've never done it before and man is there a lot to think about! But it's obviously very important to do it right, and I've still kind of got Felix rushing it</p>
<p>the title lyric is from 'Yesterday' by M--by m-mm-Marianas Trench</p>
<p>trust me i've got this</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. flirting is just like a sport</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mia has a date with Sylvain</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Your friend is coming this afternoon to look at cats, right?" Mrs. Cecile checked while the two of them ate breakfast in front of the tv. </p>
<p>Mia grimaced."No, he can't make it.I got a message from him last night."</p>
<p>"That's too bad, but it's a little wet anyway, the cats aren't going to be right by the door."</p>
<p>"Right," Mia said.She didn't want to kid herself though.Felix's visit was not postponed, it was cancelled.He had put the pieces together and seen that Mia was not good enough.If Sylvain wanted a cat, he could go to any shelter or shop and get one that wouldn't bite or require the extra care.</p>
<p>Mia rinsed egg yolk off her plate and went upstairs to write.She stared at the blank document, wondering what the point was.It was useless, Mia was useless, nothing she did amounted to anything.Writing all month was a waste if she was just doing it for herself, wasn't it?Never mind learning, she was too afraid to do more than just hide her work away.Mia would never reach a point when she felt she'd gotten good enough to be brave.</p>
<p>How many times had she done this?Mia tossed blame back and forth, to different facets of herself to the influences in her childhood, and it pissed her off. </p>
<p>She opened her irritable playlist, put her blue earbuds in, and raised the volume.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Gonna make a heartthrob out of me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Just a bit of minor surgery</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>These desperate times call for desperate measures</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia put it on repeat.She decided to jump ahead a little in her outline, to the betrayal scene, a fight where the separate worlds came together in sparks and thunder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I'll give you something to cry about</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Show some skin it would be caché</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How could you let this get</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>To desperate measures now?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wasn't writing for Felix, and not to beat Virion, either.It wasn't for her, it was just the manifestation of the anger she felt for herself.She backed her hero into a corner, she brought him back out.A purring sword was wrenched from his hand and clattered onto the pavement of an abandoned parking lot.Mia swayed while she wrote, her eyes open to the screen in front of her but seeing moonlight glinting off the wet asphalt, hearing the rasping breaths and feeling the fear of her protagonist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Trust us you just</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Fell off the bus, sucker</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah, well, payback is a motherfucker</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>While she wrote, Mia felt like she knew what she was doing, like she was good at it.No one was coming to help her protagonist, he'd have to make it out on his own.Mia briefly entertained the idea that she could do it, too, that she could throw out her cowardice and finally be proud of herself.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Was three thousand words a long fight scene?Mia did not know, but it was what she had.She plugged her updated wordcount in to the NaNoWriMo website and watched her graph accommodate the new information.Mia pulled out her headphones and went to the washroom for some water.She got back to her desk and began planning for the aftermath of her scene, as well as how to connect it to the one before it. </p>
<p>Maybe Mia wasn't good enough for anyone else, but she was good enough for herself, right?She treated herself to a break, and remembered to check her shop.There were three orders, for a pendant, a pair of earrings, and a ring.Mia shook with the excitement of it.See?People did like what she made.Mia was not totally useless.She felt a bit stupid for her earlier low, but chose to be grateful to be done with it.</p>
<p>With a two thousand word lead over Virion, Mia packed the orders and printed the labels, thinking she'd post them the next day, on her way to the write-in.</p>
<p>From downstairs, her mother called her.Mia stretched the last piece of tape over the label and went down to see what she was needed for.</p>
<p>"I thought you said your friend wasn't coming," Mrs. Cecile said, pointing out the window at a dark SUV parking near the house."Is that him?"</p>
<p>Felix had driven a low little blue car, not this monstrosity.She supposed that he might have access to more than one vehicle, but, "He said he couldn't make it."</p>
<p>The driver's side door opened and a red head of hair emerged.</p>
<p>"Oh," Mia said."I guess he never said whether his friend was still coming."She got on her rubber boots and a jacket, and grabbed the jar of cat treats."This is weird."</p>
<p>"I'll leave you to it?" Mrs. Cecile asked, as they watched Sylvain approach the front door.</p>
<p>"Sure," Mia said.She did not think her mother would appreciate Sylvain flirting with her.There was no reason to think that he would, yet Mia wanted to be on the safe side.She hurried out to stop him from knocking on the front door, jogging around from the side of the house.</p>
<p>"Oh, hey," Sylvain said with an easy smile."There you are, and looking really cute in that jacket!"</p>
<p>Considering the jacket in question was fifteen years old and a hand-me-down from her older brother, Mia snorted."You're here to see the cats, right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"They'll probably be hiding in the barn because it's so drizzly," Mia told him.The barn was a bit on the gross side, so she didn't look forward to showing someone as immaculate as Sylvain to it.</p>
<p>"Do I have to be careful about your chickens?" Sylvain jerked his thumb at the warning sign on the front deck. </p>
<p>"Not anymore, we haven't had them for a few years," Mia said.</p>
<p>Sylvain went 'hm', almost like he was disappointed."Want to go for coffee or something first?" he eyed the treat jar in Mia's hand."Or do you prefer to get right down to business?"He winked.Mia had never met a winker, so she was thrown.</p>
<p>"Um, cats," she said quietly."You wanted to meet them, right?"</p>
<p>"Of course," Sylvain said."Lead the way!"</p>
<p>Mia looked at Sylvain's shoes, which seemed a little too nice for the trip to the barn in all its muddy gravel driveway glory.She tried to pick the driest path, leading the way in her rubber boots.She looked over her shoulder and saw that Sylvain didn't seem put off in the least by the wetness.</p>
<p>At the small door to the barn, Mia shook the treats.Angie slunk out from beneath an old cub tractor in the shed, flicking his paws after each step in the mud.</p>
<p>"Who's that?" Sylvain asked.Dirty Potato and Llamaface emerged from inside the barn."Who's that?And that?How many cats do you have?"</p>
<p>"Too many," Mia said, when the young cats' mother appeared, as well as a tom cat that tended to prefer the neighbour's.</p>
<p>"I love that stripy one, it's like Spinach Puff but not fluffy," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"That's Dirty Potato," Mia said.</p>
<p>Sylvain snickered, crouching and holding out his hand to the cat."So did you make Felix keep the name Spinach Puff?I swear there's nothing funnier than hearing him talk about his cat and call it that."</p>
<p>"No, and he didn't ask, either," Mia said.She opened the treat jar and passed it down to Sylvain.He grabbed a handful and held it out for the cats."Angie--right at your ankle--he bites."</p>
<p>Sylvain practically covered Angie's whole head with his hand, dragging backward."I don't think I want a biter.I mean, not a <em>cat</em> that's a biter."</p>
<p>"No, he'll be tough to get rid of," Mia said, wondering why she had not told him immediately that the cats were hiding from the rain and he should leave.</p>
<p>"So you're just doing this to get rid of them," Sylvain teased, "that's terrible!"</p>
<p>"Yes," Mia said flatly.</p>
<p>Sylvain laughed.So far he hadn't shown any disgust at the cobwebs, or the smell of sheep manure and old feed. </p>
<p>"So what can you tell me about the Potato?" Sylvain held his breath as said cat reached out for a treat in his hand.</p>
<p>"He's shy," Mia said, and then told him what she had Felix."I think he really wants to be loved, but he's too scared to let anyone near him."</p>
<p>"Aww, just like Felix," Sylvain crooned.Dirty Potato dashed away, then came a little closer, his ears displaying the crisis he was experiencing.</p>
<p>Mia stayed still while Sylvain tried to coax the cat nearer to him, while also fending off Angie and Llamaface.</p>
<p>"Pour some on the floor for them," Mia advised."I really don't know how Potato would be indoors.At least Spinach Puff came in for visits every now and then."</p>
<p>"He'd get used to it eventually, though, right?I mean, he's still kind of a kitten," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"Maybe," Mia said."But Llamaface might be more adoptable."</p>
<p>"Which one's that?"</p>
<p>Mia pointed the cat out.Sylvain tossed the last treat in his hand to Dirty Potato and grabbed Llamaface for a better look.</p>
<p>"She's kind of goofy-looking," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"How dare you, she's beautiful," Mia said.</p>
<p>Llamaface opened her mouth, but her meow was basically a rasp.</p>
<p>"Totally, what a looker, and such a pretty voice, too," Sylvain said.He put the cat back down, and looked up at Mia to see she was smiling.He grinned.</p>
<p>"Dirty Potato would be a lot of work," Mia warned.</p>
<p>"You want to keep him, because he's so pretty and just like Felix," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Mia's cheeks burned."No, I'm just--being responsible--if the cat destroys all your furniture it's not my fault!"</p>
<p>"Sure," Sylvain said, turning his attention back to Dirty Potato.Mia hated his smirk.</p>
<p>After a long effort, Sylvain had Dirty Potato right at his crouched knee.With the cat distracted by treats, Sylvain began stroking Potato.The cat arched his back up into Sylvain's hand, until it realized what was happening, that a <em>big scary human</em> was <em>trying to kill him</em>, and fled.</p>
<p>"Damn, so close," Sylvain breathed.He nonchalantly paid attention to the other cats, until Potato felt brave enough to come closer again.</p>
<p>They hung out in the barn a little longer, and Sylvain adjusted his weight to the other foot at the wrong time, scaring Dirty Potato off again.Mia wasn't sure he'd take any cat today.She wanted to ask what had kept Felix, but didn't want to look too needy or anything.</p>
<p>"Let's get that coffee now," Sylvain said, dusting treat crumbs off his hands."I need to think about this a bit more."</p>
<p>Mia thought that going for coffee with Sylvain was probably a really bad idea.Sylvain stood up, and stretched.Somehow, with him crouched down in front of her, Mia had forgotten how very tall he was.He loomed.</p>
<p>"I can't go out like this," Mia managed to squeak.</p>
<p>"I don't mind waiting around," Sylvain said, and he winked again.Shit.Mia could not find an excuse not to go with him."Come on, it'll be fun.I can tell you anything you want about Felix," Sylvain bribed.</p>
<p>Going red, Mia stuttered that she would just take a minute to change and be right out.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sylvain waited for her just inside, and as Mia went upstairs to get into a better pair of black jeans and switch her rough old hoodie for a green plaid shirt, she heard him telling her mom that he could see where Mia had gotten her cute looks from.Mia wanted to kill him.She changed as fast as she could, dragged her brush through her hair, fluffing it, and practically ran down the stairs to spare her mom any more Sylvain.</p>
<p>"Ready," Mia said.Her mom looked concerned that Mia would go anywhere alone with this man.</p>
<p>"Great!"Sylvain grinned.Outside, he put his hand on the small of Mia's back to guide her to his car.He opened the door for her and helped her in like she was a princess and his SUV was a carriage.He got in, and turned on the engine."What do you want to listen to?"</p>
<p>"Oh," Mia said, "whatever."</p>
<p>Sylvain reversed, with his phone in one hand.He tapped something and Mia recognized the first notes of Maroon 5's <em>Sugar</em>.She rolled her eyes at her window.Sylvain put his phone in a cupholder and gave the drive his full attention.</p>
<p>"So what do you do?" Mia asked, because she did not want to just listen quietly and give Sylvain time to come up with a new innuendo.</p>
<p>"Women, men, I'm not picky," Sylvain said with a lop-sided grin. </p>
<p>If Mia killed him while they were driving a 100kph down a slippery country road, she was likely to die, as well.</p>
<p>Sylvain saw her expression and went on smirking."Oh, you mean like a job!Yeah, I 'work' for my dad, it's pretty sweet.He owns a pretty big communications company, so I'm set for life, eh?"</p>
<p>"Uh, nice," Mia said, wanting to jump out of the moving car.</p>
<p>"I really want to go to this place Ingrid keeps recommending," Sylvain said, unaware of Mia's morbid desires.</p>
<p>"It's Sol's, isn't it," Mia said flatly.</p>
<p>"Yeah, that's the place," Sylvain nodded."She says it's really good."</p>
<p>"It is," Mia admitted.</p>
<p>"They've got coffee and cake, eh?"</p>
<p>"Mm-hm," Mia said.</p>
<p>Sylvain tilted his head to his left, giving Mia a glimpse of his firm jawline.She had to wonder if everything he did was calculated to be equal parts hot and detestable.</p>
<p>"So tell me about Mia," Sylvain said."Felix hasn't said much about you."</p>
<p>Of course Felix hadn't.Mia looked out the window again, feeling better about being in an SUV than a low car, but not crazy about Sylvain's speeding.Especially not paired with his conversational tone.</p>
<p>"I'm no one, really," Mia said.</p>
<p>"Don't say that, I know you've got that great jewellery thing going, and you're so pretty--don't tell me no one's told you you're special before!" He sounded personally offended by the idea.</p>
<p>"No," Mia said."I'm not a catch."</p>
<p>"Don't make me put on my 'you're beautiful and need to see it' playlist," Sylvain threatened.</p>
<p>"Ugh."</p>
<p>"Come on," Sylvain moaned as they reached Airmid proper."Give me something to work off of!Let's try and have a nice time."</p>
<p>"Sorry," Mia said.</p>
<p>"So what do you do for fun?You know, what are your likes, what gets under your skin, what gets you going?"</p>
<p>Mia wanted to say that Sylvain was getting under her skin."I don't know, you're putting me on the spot."She wished she could just ask Sylvain why he was doing this.</p>
<p>"Where'd you go to school, then?"</p>
<p>"I didn't," Mia breathed.</p>
<p>"Man, everything I say is just making it worse!"Sylvain let go of the steering wheel to let the car park itself.Mia had never been in a self-parking car and did not like the experience.Sylvain grinned at her like a loon.As they unbuckled their seatbelts, he said, "Let's start over with coffee, all right?"</p>
<p>Mia hated the idea of going through this again.She got out before Sylvain could be gallant and open her door and touch her hand to help her out.Her black calf-height boots splashed right into a puddle.So it was to be a shitty day after all.</p>
<p>Sylvain hastily circled around the front of his car and managed to be there in time to 'help' Mia up over the curb onto the sidewalk.It was frustrating, because he was so tall and his hand was huge around hers, but he wore that absolutely meaningless smile.It made Mia want to punch him.</p>
<p>They went up to the counter, Sylvain once again putting his hand at Mia's back.Sully was working the counter.Mia flushed.</p>
<p>"Mia, who's this," Sully asked dangerously.</p>
<p>"This is Felix's friend," Mia said."He's here, uh, for--"</p>
<p>"I came down for pussy--cats, that is," Sylvain said with a wink.</p>
<p>Sully's hands curled into fists on the counter."Mia, is this clown going to order or can I beat his ass?"</p>
<p>"I might take you up on that, anyway," Sylvain said, shamelessly."But for now I'll have an Earl Grey, no sugar because Mia's sweet enough."</p>
<p>"Mia," Sully said, one eyebrow raised.That expression finished the sentence.</p>
<p>"He's harmless," Mia said, remembering what she had learned about Sylvain the first time she'd met him.Emboldened by Sully's presence, she added, "I think he's just a nuisance."</p>
<p>"I'm hurt," Sylvain said, putting his hand to his chest.</p>
<p>"Not yet, you aren't," Sully grumbled."What do you want, Mia?"</p>
<p>Mia ordered a mocha latte, because she deserved it and expected Sylvain to pay for it.</p>
<p>"And a slice of that cherry cheesecake," Sylvain said, "to split."</p>
<p>"I'll cut it in half and bring two plates."Sully's grin was wicked and made Sylvain wither just a little.</p>
<p>"All I've got is a fifty," Sylvain said, handing over a bill."Don't worry about change."</p>
<p>Sully stared at the bill on the counter.Their total on the register was only around eight dollars."What the fuck," she whispered.</p>
<p>Sylvain blew her a kiss."Is this the kind of place where you bring our drinks to our table, or do we wait at the counter?"</p>
<p>That shook Sully out of her reverie.She slid the fifty to just in front of the register, presumably so that she could divide it later (or check whether it was counterfeit) and put it in the tip jar, and started working on their drinks."I'll have everything for you here."</p>
<p>"Super," Sylvain said.He looked sidelong at Mia, who was staring at him.She glanced away, but didn't miss his smug expression or the way he licked his lips.</p>
<p><em>Oh, yikes</em>, Mia thought.She turned her attention to watching Sully prepare their drinks and get a large slice of cake, which she then split in half and put on two separate plates.She put a fork on each one, and pushed them to her customers, giving Mia a questioning look.Mia had no answer for her.</p>
<p>Sylvain and Mia found a seat near the wall opposite the kitchen, closer to where she and Felix had sat.They put their jackets on the backs of their chairs."So they know you here, that's pretty cool," Sylvain said.He had to add, with a wink, "Come here often?"</p>
<p>"It's where my writing group meets," Mia admitted.</p>
<p>"Oh, right, you said something about that at the party," Sylvain said, taking the bag out of his tea and setting it on the edge of his plate."Bernadetta--she was there, too--she writes!That's so great.I guess you're secretive about it, too."</p>
<p>Mia shrugged.She held her latte and inhaled the scent. </p>
<p>"You're not wearing one of your rings," Sylvain observed."Not that you need one to draw attention to you, but I bet you could really spread the word by doing that."</p>
<p>Mia looked at him from behind her cup, hoping that it didn't look at all flirtatious."I forgot to."</p>
<p>Sylvain blew on his tea, wearing that weird, insufferable smile.His flaming orange hair was styled loosely and attractively.He was so unlike Felix, it was hard to believe that they were friends.</p>
<p>"So how long have you lived out on a farm?Ever dreamed of moving to the big city?"</p>
<p>It was hard not to roll her eyes at everything he said."All my life.I don't really know where I want to be."</p>
<p>"Hmm, I could give you a taste of the city life, if you're interested," Sylvain offered.He licked the rim of his cup.</p>
<p>"No, thanks," Mia said.She felt like she was being rude, though, so she asked if Sylvain had been in the city all his life.</p>
<p>He leaned backward in his chair, probably so that her attention would be drawn to his half-unbuttoned shirt--well, the top was unbuttoned."Yeah, but we had lots of visits to Ingrid's place, which was more out in the country.The three of us, Ingrid, Felix, and me, we all did riding."</p>
<p>"Felix said he didn't stick with it," Mia remembered.</p>
<p>"No, he's not into horses.I do cross-country, but not like Ingrid does show-jumping."</p>
<p>"Hm," Mia said, feeling like maybe she would be able to relax after all.</p>
<p>"Do you do any," Sylvain's eyes flicked up and down Mia, "riding?"</p>
<p>"No," Mia said, firmly.</p>
<p>"I could teach you," Sylvain suggested, and his expression put the suggestive in his suggestion.</p>
<p>"Oh my God," Mia said."No."</p>
<p>Sylvain laughed.He ruffled his hair, but that did nothing to make it less stylish."You're tough!Felix is going to love this!"</p>
<p>Mia narrowed her eyes."What, is this some kind of test?"</p>
<p>"No, no, of course not," Sylvain said, waving his hands and leaning forward again."I mean it all!But the way you keep rolling your eyes and your short little responses--you're so <em>cold</em>, it's like I'm talking to Felix!He's going to be all 'you're an idiot I told you she wasn't interested!'"</p>
<p>"Sorry," Mia said.</p>
<p>Slyvain laughed, and dug into his cheesecake."That's not very Felix-like, though.But I guess I can see why he likes you."</p>
<p>"He doesn't," Mia protested."And if he did, why would you keep hitting on me?"</p>
<p>Sylvain snorted in reply."Like I can help myself, when you've got those sweet brown eyes and you're wearing your emotions all open and honest?I'd flirt with you even if Felix was here."</p>
<p>Absolutely disgusting.Mia rolled her eyes again.</p>
<p>"There you go again!Listen, I'm taller, hotter, and just as rich as Felix," Sylvain said."You should give me a chance!"</p>
<p>"I don't--" Mia began.She sighed."I'm not your type.I'm not sure you're right about Felix liking me, either.Besides," and here she was, not denying that she liked Felix, "I'm just a no-job, no-school crafter.He can do better."</p>
<p>Sylvain's face went on a journey while she talked, from amusement to frustration to something akin to pity."Well, first of all, you don't know my type, and secondly, you don't understand how rare it is for Felix to willingly talk to people outside his usual circle.He likes you more than you think."</p>
<p>"So why didn't he come down with you?"Mia just knew that she was totally red.She looked down at her cheesecake, the cherries on top making fun of her.Her mouth was dry and she didn't think she'd be able to eat. </p>
<p>"He had to work," Sylvain said, his voice going soft."Did you think he was mad or something?I mean, I know he gives that impression a lot, but--"</p>
<p>"It doesn't matter," Mia said, turning her head away."I know I'm pathetic."</p>
<p>Sylvain gasped."Did he <em>say that?"</em></p>
<p>Mia shook her head, a lump forming in her throat."He doesn't need to, I know."</p>
<p>A hand wrapped lightly around her wrist, drawing Mia's attention to Sylvain's face.He looked intense, like a different person entirely.</p>
<p>"Don't say things like that.He likes you, all right?"Sylvain insisted.</p>
<p>"Come on," Mia said, putting her cup down to shake loose from Sylvain's hand.She hugged her stomach."You're going on about how great things are for you two, you can just buy a piece of cake for fifty bucks, we're obviously not the same.I can't bring anything to the table."</p>
<p>Now it was Sylvain's turn to roll his eyes."That's just my routine.Felix doesn't care about money or education or anything.He's got like, two friends.If he's willing to talk to you, then I want you to keep doing it."</p>
<p>"I'm so confused," Mia said.</p>
<p>"Here's how it's going to be," Sylvain assured her."I'll lay into Felix for letting you think he hates you, and you continue...talking about whatever it is you and he talk about.I'm sorry for coming onto you, didn't think it would be such a problem.I'll stop if it bugs you."</p>
<p>"You didn't think it bugged me?" Mia demanded.</p>
<p>Sylvain laughed, a little awkwardly."You were flustered!It was cute!"</p>
<p>"I'm going to get Sully to beat you up," Mia threatened.</p>
<p>"Fine, fine, I'm stopping, I'm sorry," Sylvain insisted."You really are a lot like Felix.So let's talk about your cats."</p>
<p>Mia glanced up at him, and saw that his smile was still there, but it was a bit softer now."Thanks," she breathed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I told myself when I started writing this whole thing that I wouldn't apologize for any of it, but I sure hope I wrote Sylvain okay. I was thinking about the way in-game he'd bring up his crest every time he hit on a girl, and I wanted to keep that 'look at me, I'm a great catch!' kind of tactic. And I mean, I really like Sylvain, but...he's a mess</p>
<p>Mia's a bit flip-floppy but?? People are like that. She's a mess, too</p>
<p>I had to use 'Mambo No. 5' for the title. I had to.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. you were always holding out for this</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>a potato is wrangled<br/>and</p>
<p>friendship....</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The weather had become a mix of fine rain and flurries, but it didn't slow Sylvain's driving by much.Still, he was almost tolerable during the ride home, putting on an instrumental soundtrack instead of the somewhat slutty mix he'd had on earlier.Mia thought she recognized some of the tunes from a Harvest Moon game she'd played as a kid.</p>
<p>"I really want the Potato," Sylvain said when they got out, Mia putting up the hood of her jack and Sylvain shaking his head like a dog."Do you think it would be too much stress on the cat?"</p>
<p>"I'm not sure," Mia admitted."He freaks out really easy, but if you're patient and willing to put in the work to earn his trust, who knows?If it really goes poorly you can try and wrangle him to bring him back here."</p>
<p>Sylvain thought, while hovering at the back of his SUV."I don't think that would be necessary.I'm...thinking I'd like a challenge."</p>
<p>"Have you ever had a housecat?"</p>
<p>"No, we had a dog as a kid but uhhh, there were some incidents.A dysfunctional family isn't the best atmosphere for pets," Sylvain said with a laugh.</p>
<p>"Oh," Mia said.She had guessed that there was more to Sylvain than just the surface, but hadn't expected him to talk about it.</p>
<p>Thankfully, he deflected with a wink."I've got experience with cats from Felix's side, and with ferals from the stable.Do I meet the adoption requirements?"</p>
<p>"Sure," Mia said, "but you've got to sign a waiver that you won't hold me accountable if the cat claws your arm or poops on your couch."</p>
<p>"No problem, I've got my own pen with me," Sylvain said, pulling a fancy ballpoint out of his breast pocket and clicking it a few times.</p>
<p>Mia laughed."There's not actually a waiver!We'll just deny that we gave you the cat if you do try and sue us."</p>
<p>"Ah, so this is how it's done in the country," Sylvain said.He returned his pen to his pocket and opened the back of his car, revealing a brand-new cat carrier."Don't look so surprised, I'm not just going to get a cat without thinking it through.I've got my apartment ready--mostly."</p>
<p>"Oh, that's impressive," Mia said.She was used to animal acquisitions being rather impulsive.The violent chickens they had gotten as chicks had involved a mad scramble for proper supplies and homing, after the peeping box had arrived.</p>
<p>"So compliments backfire but proper animal care turns you on?My approach was all wrong," Sylvain chuckled low and hoisted the carrier in one hand, closing the door with the other.</p>
<p>"I'm not turned on," Mia said.So much for him not flirting, but Mia had to admit that she was having an easier time dealing with it now.</p>
<p>Gravel crunched behind them.Mia's dad had arrived in his truck. </p>
<p>Sylvain smirked and flicked her nose."Is Felix sending you updates on how Puff and Estoc are being introduced?"</p>
<p>"Maybe," Mia said.</p>
<p>"So he's already beat me to the punch," Sylvain lamented.</p>
<p>Mr. Cecile got out of his truck and came over to see who this tall jackass was, obviously flirting with his daughter.</p>
<p>"Hi, Dad," Mia said, "this is Sylvain, Felix's friend.He's here for a cat."</p>
<p>"Are you going to get rid of all of them?" Mr. Cecile asked, a little pained.Though he wouldn't admit it, he loved feeding them leftovers and hearing their little growls while they chewed.</p>
<p>"As many as I can," Mia said, mercilessly."Better we lose them to city boys than to coyotes."</p>
<p>"Which one is he going to take?" Mr. Cecile asked, perhaps suspiciously.Or perhaps he was daring Sylvain to say, 'Mia!'</p>
<p>Sylvain clearly wanted to needle Mr. Cecile, but he said, "I hear this farm grows potatoes and I want to make a salad."</p>
<p>Mia hid her giggle behind a hand."That's not reassuring."</p>
<p>"He's wild," Mr. Cecile said."But he'll let you pet him if he's eating.He likes to stand just near me."</p>
<p>"I'm hoping I can give him a good home," Sylvain promised, maybe to smooth over his previous comment.</p>
<p>"Do you need help catching him?" Mr. Cecile asked."I've got some heavy gloves that might make it easier."</p>
<p>In the end, the gloves weren't needed.They distracted the friendly cats with piles of kibble, and laid a trail of treats to the carrier for Dirty Potato.He followed it and walked right in, at which point Sylvain pounced and closed the door.Potato shook the carrier trying to get out.</p>
<p>"I hope he doesn't hold this against me," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"Good luck," Mia told him.</p>
<p>Mr. Cecile said, "It won't be as bad as when you get him neutered."</p>
<p>Sylvain grinned."As long as he doesn't believe in an eye for an eye.Thanks for the cat, guys.I'll keep in touch, maybe get Felix to start a group chat for cat support."</p>
<p>"That sounds good," Mia said.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>She spent a few minutes explaining to her dad what her afternoon had been like, avoiding any mention of Sylvain's relentless flirting.She then excused herself to get back to writing, and give Felix an update on her progress and Sylvain's visit.She tried not to take it personally when he didn't reply.Sylvain had told her that Felix was working today.It made sense.He didn't hate her, or look down on her.Everything was fine.</p>
<p>When her parents left for their curling, Mia took a few minutes to record another song, <em>Deep End</em> by Daughtry.She didn't send it, just saved the sound file in its own folder among her collection of Estoc photos.Then she got back to work.</p>
<p>It was hard to sleep, but that wasn't exactly new to Mia.The next morning, she had her reply from Felix.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> sry</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> sylvain cussed me out</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> im not expressive if u havent noticed but i dont hate u and i dont want u 2 hate me</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> sry</p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>i can try nd b more clear or w ever</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> sylvain made cat supprt chat so heres link</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia blushed thinking about what Sylvain might have said to Felix.She hoped he hadn't mentioned her near breakdown and blamed it all on Felix, when it was really her own fault for being so in her own head.All she could really tell from the apology was that Sylvain had truly done as he'd said he would, and really laid into Felix. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> sry if sylvain gave u hard time i didn't want him to</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> it was kind of a bad day for me i don't know what he said but i'm fine</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> anyway i still have a lead over Virion</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She told him a bit about her cool fight scene, and then, almost as an afterthought, about the jewellery she was going to ship out this afternoon.She followed the invite to the new group chat, titled 'feline support group'.It had been quite busy, starting with a picture of two glowing eyes in a dark closet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>1pussy:</b> this guy has been hiding in the closet since getting home</p>
<p><b>1pussy:</b> i'm giving him space so he can come out when he's ready ;)</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> change ur name idiot</p>
<p><b>1pussy:</b> sure thing</p>
<p><b>1pussy: </b>;)</p>
<p><b>2pussy:</b> it didnt change</p>
<p><b>2pussy:</b> fuck u</p>
<p><b>1pussy:</b> ;) when's Mia going to be here?</p>
<p><b>2pussy:</b> y? so u can give her a dumb name?</p>
<p><b>1pussy:</b> just wanna ask if i can rename the potato, chill</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> go ahead</p>
<p><b>1pussy:</b> great! thanks ;)</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> felix threatened to kill me if i didn't stop my genius nicknames</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> thank you Felix i was really scared what he'd call me</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> u alrdy suffered thru aftnoon w him u desrve respect</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> lol i'm scared what he'll call poor potato</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> its not an innuendo don't worry</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> oh thank god</p>
<p><b>Sylvain:</b> still narrowing it down but i'll let you know ;)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The winky face was not reassuring, but Mia decided to get some work done before leaving for her write-in.She found she was grateful for Sylvain, for clearing up her misunderstanding with Felix, even if he had been an absolute jackass.In her private chat with Felix, he had replied almost gently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> sounds good</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> u put a lot of thought into ur writing</p>
<p><b>Felix: </b>sylvain was right im an ass</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> but i will try harder not 2 b</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> ur not, i like talking to you</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> w</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> i meanthanks</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> you've helped my writing too</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> i appreciate it</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ok hh idk just want u 2 beat that jerk</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> i will</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> go then</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was like he'd set her free.She acknowledged his message and really got to work, finding out that her protagonist had a lot more emotions to deal with after the last fight scene.She needed him to find some support, so she brought him to his own rival's door in the middle of the rainy night, with blood running into his eye and a purring sword in his hand.Things were getting good.</p>
<p>Still, Mia had to wrap up early to get her packages ready for shipping.She headed out, feeling much better even though the air was cold and the steering wheel made her fingers ache. </p>
<p>It being the end of the third week, the write-in was much more focussed than usual as everyone scrambled to keep up the pace.Virion was short on taunts, which worked for Mia because she had little energy to reply.They were evenly matched in each word war, neither one able to get a decisive lead.Mia tried not to let her weariness show, but she was feeling her steam running low at the end of the write-in.</p>
<p>"Not letting your boyfriend distract you?" Virion asked as they were packing up.</p>
<p>"I haven't seen him since last week," Mia informed him."And he's not my boyfriend."</p>
<p>Virion shook his head."You are more determined than I thought.A worthy opponent."</p>
<p>"Also he's busy with work," Mia said.</p>
<p>"Oh, that's too bad.Do you really like him?"</p>
<p>Mia's blush said enough."Maybe.He's so invested though, he really wants me to beat you."</p>
<p>"What have you been saying to him?" Virion demanded.</p>
<p>"Nothing, just keeping him up to date on our scores," Mia said, holding her hands up.</p>
<p>"That's sweet.Make sure you show some interest in his goals, too," Virion suggested.</p>
<p>Mia nodded."Of course.I want to know about him."</p>
<p>"I'm rooting for you, my dear.Well, in matters of the heart.Our competition is a different story," Virion said.</p>
<p>From the other table, Henry laughed."Good one, Virion! Nya ha ha!"</p>
<p>Virion closed his eyes."No pun was intended."He smiled at Mia, who was laughing, too."See you on Tuesday."</p>
<p>"Bye, Virion," Mia said."Write well."</p>
<p>"You, too."</p>
<p>When Mia had gone to her first write-in, she had sat apart from the group and not spoken up at all.She looked at the others now, Sumia carefully packing her laptop away in a protective case, Lissa and Maribelle sitting close together and laughing about their collaboration, Chrom and Robin discussing the closing party with their heads together, and Henry still quietly snickering at Virion's unintentional pun.These were her friends, now.Mia had come so far in just two years.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is a short one but I like the softness after the last couple of chapters ohoho I really just want to get OUT of November :3</p>
<p>I've already chosen Sylvain's cat's name, I think it's good but all things are subjective. He's definitely got like a dozen separate chats open, half of them with Felix, where Felix is yelling at him for being gross</p>
<p>The title is from 'You Were Never Broken' by Jann Arden, who I also have a huge bias for.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. the lion's just around the bend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>competitions and invitations and obligations<br/>oh my!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sylvain's scolding had been done over the phone while he had driven his new cat home.This being the case, Sylvain had kept his voice low and dangerous the entire time so as not to terrify Dirty Potato in the back.It had been, quite frankly, the scariest voicemail Felix had ever gotten from his friend.</p><p>He'd opened it at midnight on arriving home, and known from the start that he was in deep shit with Sylvain.After being called an asshole, Felix had been hit with about fifteen minutes of what he optimistically called Tough Hlove. </p><p><em>"I didn't call off a date and spoonfeed you the fact that this girl likes you, only for you to treat her like whatever </em>gift<em> she sent you actually meant nothing!She doesn't know you like me and Ingrid do, you can't just talk to her like a little jackass!She almost cried she thinks you think she's pathetic, you have to try harder.God, you're fucking--you know who you are?You're Shrek."</em></p><p>Sylvain had hung up after that.Felix listened to it three times and wrote down the most relevant points.<em>Be clear.Say what you feel but don't be rude.Remember, you want her to like you</em>.He wasn't too sure what Sylvain meant by saying Felix was Shrek, that was a little sketchy.It was also right at the end of the message, so it might have been cut off or he may have misheard.There was no way Felix was going to respond to it though.</p><p>Still, he'd been worried that Friday when he didn't get his usual update from Mia, and was glad to see on Saturday morning that their new normal had resumed.She even treated him to a brief description of a fight scene, which he kind of wanted to read but knew better than to ask to see.</p><p>He could not believe that she really liked talking to him.It was ridiculous.Felix shook his head.Mia was creative and interesting, whereas Felix spent all his time babysitting either cats or a grown man.He kept up his work and kept up his slow introduction of Spinach Puff to Estoc, and kept Mia up to date on the latter while she told him about her writing.It felt right, somehow, having someone replying to him, caring about what he was saying.It was different than posting online, screaming to the void and not listening for an answer.</p><p>It was the last week of the month and Mia's efforts had doubled.Felix realized that she was writing an obscene amount.He could not imagine pulling eight thousand words out of his ass in one day, and then doing it again the next.Those were the numbers she was starting to give him, at any rate.</p><p>***</p><p><b>Mia:</b> chrom banned me from checking virion's score</p><p><b>Felix:</b> wtf y? how dare</p><p><b>Mia:</b> vrion's banned too, we're supposed to race blind for last stretch</p><p><b>Felix:</b> cruel</p><p><b>Mia:</b> he and robin think its dramatic</p><p><b>Mia:</b> on sat i have to give him my trophy so he can award it at celebratryo party</p><p><b>Felix:</b> theres a fuckn trophy?</p><p> </p><p>After a pause of twenty minutes where she was probably thrilled not to be writing, Mia sent a photo of a hideous mug with a jagged handle, covered in primary-coloured stars.She had edited a spotlight over it.He raised his eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> wow classy</p><p><b>Mia:</b> ikr but it's the symbolism</p><p><b>Felix:</b> u drink out of that?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> its my trophy? of course i do</p><p><b>Mia:</b> im alawys spillgin coffee on myself but</p><p><b>Mia:</b> god I've been typing too much fingers all loosey</p><p><b>Felix:</b> u should count ur words here 2 final total</p><p><b>Mia:</b> u r such a bad influence</p><p><b>Felix:</b> thts a new 1</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i'm asking about taht later ok?</p><p> </p><p>Felix felt a little warm, and let Mia go on writing.He exercised with one of his favourite swords, enjoying the balance of the blade in his hand.Estoc watched him from her usual hiding place under the bed.Halfway through, Felix set up his phone to record and practiced a complicated move that would be much cooler if he had an opponent to disarm with it.He shifted his stance, putting one arm behind his back and focussing on his footwork for a bit. </p><p>He thought maybe he would send a clip of it to Mia, if she was interested.It wouldn't do to distract her, but maybe if it were short enough it would be, Felix didn't know, motivating, or something.He did not know how Mia's mind worked.But she had certainly increased her writing pace since getting the last video.</p><p>Tired and sweaty, Felix took off his soaked shirt and ended the recording, not watching it after saving it.He checked his conversation with Mia.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> speaking of celebratory party</p><p><b>Mia:</b> it's on sat after november</p><p><b>Mia:</b> first sat of dec at sol's</p><p><b>Mia:</b> its 2 celebrate surviving nanowrimo but i can bring a friend, want to come?</p><p> </p><p>Felix blinked.He scrolled back up to where she had first mentioned the 'celebratryo party'.Urgently, he screenshotted Mia's invitation and sent it to his group chat with Ingrid and Sylvain.</p><p> </p><p><b>Fe:</b> w do?</p><p><b>Sy:</b> uh say YES</p><p><b>Fe:</b> but dont w 2 go</p><p><b>Ing:</b> dont miss chance to eat at sol's again</p><p><b>Fe:</b> n helpfl</p><p><b>Sy:</b> do not be shrek</p><p><b>Ing:</b> no idea what he means but i agree</p><p><b>Fe:</b> f u</p><p><b>Sy:</b> u are mean to me, u insult me</p><p><b>Fe:</b> there r s many people there</p><p><b>Sy:</b> u dont appreciate anyhting that I</p><p><b>Fe:</b> dont want 2 go</p><p><b>Ing:</b> say u'll go before donkey here drags u there</p><p><b>Sy:</b> if it means i bang a dragon im fine being donkey</p><p><b>Sy:</b> and its not about what u want</p><p><b>Ing:</b> we kno u have that sat off :)</p><p><b>Fe:</b> fine ill go make new better friends</p><p><b>Ing:</b> finally &gt;:)</p><p> </p><p>Felix bristled, upset that he could be so easily goaded into attending a party.He switched back to his Mia chat.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> depends if u win</p><p><b>Felix:</b> sry jk id like 2</p><p> </p><p>Mia was obviously writing.Felix took some time to perch on his desk chair and polish the sword he'd been training with, sort of like a cooldown.Maybe he did want to see her again.Sort of.And he did have the day off, with Dimitri not having any games or events to attend that day.It would be a change, and Felix could count on Mia's friends being too distracted with their own group and victories to pay him much attention.He'd have a fine time.</p><p>***</p><p>The amount of communication between them dropped off a little the closer they got to the end of the month, but Mia sent him the full details of the party, and Felix confirmed that he could make it.He wondered if he was supposed to suggest they do something before it started, since they would technically have the afternoon.But this was her hometown and her invitation.Felix did not want to push her.</p><p>Mia's total at the end of the month was staggering, two-hundred and fifteen thousand, but apparently her rival was very confident in his own work.The two of them had been forbidden from mentioning their word counts in front of the other, so neither knew who was the winner.In theory.Felix still doubted their writerly honour.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> exhasuted.</p><p><b>Mia:</b> no more words for now</p><p><b>Felix:</b> u worked hard. rest</p><p><b>Felix:</b> watch th</p><p> </p><p>He sent her a portion of his sloppy footwork video and Mia thanked him, not sending a little face or any emoji-symbols, but she did say outright that she smiled.He did, too.He didn't get many more messages from her during the first week of December, but didn't mind.He listened to <em>Just Found Heaven</em> and relaxed, despite it being his least favourite time of year.</p><p>***</p><p>That Friday was the last day for the week that Felix had to watch over the Boar.He intended to do his job, but also to cast a few extra glares at his charge in the hopes that he would get the message and turn in early.Instead, it went right over the Boar's head.</p><p>"You aren't allowed to be this serious at my birthday," Dimitri insisted when they were driving to the Leaf's party destination of choice to celebrate a rare victory.Of course, they were less rare now that they had the Boar, and that new coach, Eisner or whatever.He wasn't a threat or paying Felix, so it wasn't important to him. </p><p>"Hm," Felix said, driving carefully.</p><p>"I mean it," Dimitri said, "you're there as my friend, not on the clock."</p><p>"If I'm not on the clock, you don't really have a say in how I behave," Felix said under his breath.</p><p>The Boar, unsurprisingly, found that highly amusing.His laugh boomed through the secure company SUV.Felix resisted the urge to hunch his shoulders up.</p><p>They reached their destination, Dedue informing Felix through his earpiece that it was safe, at least, as far as he could tell.These public places were impossible to completely secure.</p><p>Felix hung back, as he usually did, watching everything and seeing that Dedue did so with much more composure.He was an ideal sentinel, everything that they could ask for.Felix was grateful to have him on his side.</p><p>The night went by normally, with Dimitri graciously allowing himself to be the butt of several team jokes, while also deflecting any genuine praise that came his way.It was irritating to watch.Felix scanned the room, meeting Dedue's eyes when another patron of the establishment started acting a little too drunk. </p><p>He stayed away from the Boar's circle of friends, however.All was well.Felix's thoughts drifted to his plans for the next day.It was hard to believe that it was tomorrow that he would be seeing Mia again.He hadn't spoken to her in person since picking up Spinach Puff.His palms got a little sweaty, thinking about all the work she had done in that time.Without her rivalry for him to support, would she still want to talk to him?</p><p>Instinct jolted Felix from his thoughts.Something was wrong, the volume of the room had changed.There was movement where there should not be, close to the Boar.The drunk had meandered closer, his voice raising further.Felix didn't even register the words, just the tone.He saw that the Boar's face had darkened.</p><p>By the time Felix pushed away from his position, he saw that the drunk had shoved the Boar.Felix leapt a chair and reached out to grab the drunk, yanking an arm behind the man's back and pulling him away.The Boar had already seized the front of the drunk's shirt, though, and there was a horrible moment where the two of them threatened to pull the man apart.The drunk realized his mistake too late, his alcohol-fuelled anger rapidly becoming terror.Felix grappled with the Boar and threw the drunk aside, taking Dimitri's fist full in the face.</p><p>His vision spotted and his legs buckled.Felix slid to the floor.There were shouts all around him, and one voice he knew too well and wanted nothing to do with right at his ear.</p><p>"Felix, Felix, oh my Lord, I'm so sorry!"</p><p>Too-warm hands gripped his face.Felix blearily saw the Boar's blue eyes through his greasy yellow hair.He closed his eyes and groaned, confident that no one would hear in this ruckus.</p><p>"Are you all right?"</p><p>Felix tried futilely to push him off. </p><p>"I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry," the Boar was almost in tears.</p><p>Grumbling, Felix managed to prop himself up on one elbow behind him.He struggled with his other hand to push the Boar's hands away.</p><p>"Are you all right?Can we--Ice!Can I get some ice!"The Boar's bellowing made Felix realize how much his head hurt.He squeezed his eyes shut and ground his teeth.</p><p>"Shut up," Felix hissed."Get off!"</p><p>The Boar let him go, still looking like a guilty dog.He was on his knees in some bar in front of the security guard he had felled himself. </p><p>"I'm sorry," the Boar whispered.</p><p>Things were quieting down.Felix dimly registered that Dedue was looming tall over their charge, keeping everyone away with just his stature and emotionless glare.Thank God for that.</p><p>Felix snorted and began to get up, finding it a little more difficult than expected.At least he'd stopped things escalating.The drunk had escaped with all his bones intact.</p><p>"Let's go," the Boar said, looking up at Dedue.He reached down and pulled Felix up.Someone passed him a bag of ice, which the Boar smacked against Felix's face.Felix was still too out of it to growl at him for the offence.</p><p>They picked their way out of the bar, through a back exit.Dedue shielded them from view with his massive shape.An ideal addition to their team.</p><p>"Fuck," Felix hissed."Dedue, I--"</p><p>"I have the situation under control," Dedue said in his solid, wonderful voice.The vibration made Felix's head hurt in just the right way.</p><p>They got the Boar (and Felix) to the car, and the two of them got in the back while Dedue took the wheel.The quiet inside was blessed.It was a sanctuary.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Felix," the Boar breathed, over and over.</p><p>"I didn't expect any less from the Boar," Felix answered, unable to muster his usual venom.</p><p>The Boar's face fell further."I'm sorry."</p><p>"Stop it," Felix groaned."Stop pretending you're human."</p><p>Shit, he'd really hurt him.Dimitri flinched away, turning to his darkly tinted window.His hands clenched and unclenched on top of his thighs, like an animal kneading with its claws.<em>Beast</em>, Felix thought, <em>beast, beast, beast</em>.</p><p>"I am sorry I hurt you," Dimitri said, almost sobbing.</p><p>Felix held his ice to his face and tried to keep from doing the same. </p><p>"Felix," Dedue asked, level, "you require medical attention.I will return Mr. Blaiddyd to his condo and then bring you to a hospital."</p><p>"Don't," Felix said."It's just a black eye.I'm fine, I need to sleep."</p><p>"You could be concussed," Dedue said, driving confidently back to the Boar's condo.</p><p>"I'm <em>sorry</em>," the Boar whined.</p><p>"Fuck--just shut up," Felix spat, and winced."Just--I'm fine.That's why I'm here.Someone has to stop you tearing people apart."</p><p>In the front seat, Dedue let out a low, warning, "<em>Felix."</em></p><p>The Boar shook his head, still clutching at his thighs."No, I don't want you to get hurt--least of all because I can't--can't manage my own--"</p><p>"I know what you are," Felix said. </p><p>"I've been getting <em>better</em>--"</p><p>"I'm here by my own choice," Felix said, and wondered if he was, indeed, concussed.Nonsense.He was fine, and he would drive to Airmid the next day and see Mia and--</p><p>"I don't deserve you," the Boar whispered, curling forward with his face in his huge hands."I--everything I touch--I just--I'm sorry--"</p><p>Felix groaned."That's enough.I'm fine.Dimitri--I'm fine."</p><p>The Boar pushed his hair back and looked at Felix.He inhaled shakily."I--can I do anything to help?"</p><p>"I'm fine.It's over."</p><p>***</p><p>Felix managed to persuade Dedue that a hospital visit was unnecessary, but that didn't stop his subordinate from contacting Rodrigue first.When Felix got home with his melted ice pack still pressed to his eye, his old man was right at the door, full of concern.Dedue explained what had happened and Rodrigue did a quick check-up on his son, asking him nosy questions like 'do you know where you are?' and 'what year is it?'</p><p>Felix must have passed the test, because he was permitted to go to bed, although he was woken up just like a <em>child</em> an hour later to have the process repeated.</p><p>In the end, though, Felix was fine.He had to be, because he had places to be.He woke late, and from the voices outside his door, Sylvain was there.Felix groaned and ran his fingers through Estoc's fur.It was going to be a long day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so happy with this chapter, even though I didn't get to show like, half the things I was planning to. There's still time for that.</p><p>We're very close to 50k words! With my outline included, I did end up surpassing that for Camp NaNoWriMo this month, which I hadn't expected! I'm very proud of getting so far, and I'm--hmm, not sorry, per se, but this is actually still very early in the plot. This is going to be much longer than originally thought.</p><p>and Listen, some of Scott Helman's songs are a little...suspect.. but 'The Lion' is the most Dimitri/Felix thing I've ever heard. That's what the title lyric of the day is from.</p><p>is this 'angst'? should i update my tags?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. been sucker punched but I'm not down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>welcome to the Hall of Fame of clumsy human interaction</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix felt like shit.Estoc screamed at him and bit his face, right where an ugly bruise was surely forming.His face was definitely swollen.He pushed his cat away, as gently as he could.</p><p>"Ow, shit, sorry Estoc, sorry, sorry, shit, shit, <em>fuck</em>," Felix sat up and dragged the cat back to his chest, making sure she knew he hadn't meant her any real ill will.From her bright eyes and happy triangle ears, there was no offence taken.Felix gingerly touched his face.He groaned.</p><p>The door swung open and he was met with too much sunshine in the form of Sylvain."Hey, buddy, how are you feeling?"</p><p>"Fine," Felix lied.</p><p>"Well you look like shit, my man," Sylvain said, sitting on the side of the bed.</p><p>"Thanks," Felix grumbled."Where's my goddamn phone?"</p><p>Sylvain tilted his chin to the nightstand."How's the memory?You know your address?"</p><p>"Shut up, Sylvain," Felix growled.He passed Estoc to him and slid his phone off the table.He recited his address anyway."Is she fed?"</p><p>"Yeah," Sylvain said, turning Estoc onto her back and rocking her like a baby."Remember the date?"</p><p>"Yesterday was the fourth."</p><p>"I mean today's date," Sylvain said.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, or rather, one eye.His left was kind of shut."The fifth, genius."</p><p>"I mean the <em>date</em>," Sylvain insisted.</p><p>According to his phone it was ten-thirty."If I leave by twelve I can make it to Ingrid's for one, depending on traffic.Lots of time."</p><p>"You aren't driving anywhere," Sylvain said.</p><p>"I--" Felix began.He had an excuse to stay home.He could even send her a photo of his hideous face so that Mia would understand he absolutely did not hate her.But he didn't want to.It wasn't fair.  This was all the Boar's fault.</p><p>Sylvain put his hand over Felix's knee."I'm driving you down.That's why I'm here.Well, and I <em>needed</em> to see your face while the bruise was still fresh."</p><p>"Asshole," Felix said, laying back down.He put the back of his wrist over his eyes."Thanks."</p><p>"Hey, anything you need," Sylvain said."I put the coffee on for you.And I'll help you pick out an outfit for tonight."</p><p>"That's not--"</p><p>Sylvain stood up."You need something that'll compliment deep purple and and piss yellow.I got you."</p><p>Felix used his free hand to give Sylvain the finger without looking.He heard Sylvain laugh and start going through his dresser.Unbelievable.</p><p>With the spare time, Felix returned his attention to his phone.Of course there were several very apologetic messages from Dimitri.</p><p> </p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Once again I am so sorry.</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> If there is anything I can do, please tell me!</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Rodrigue said you were all right and I am so glad!</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> but please take care of yourself!</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> do not look at screens too long!</p><p> </p><p>Something like fondness threatened to well up in Felix.This was so very like Dimitri.He couldn't just leave him completely in the dark.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> im fne</p><p><b>Felix:</b> sylv w stop m frm doing anyth stupid dw</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> He is a good friend!</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ya</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> You are my good friend, too!</p><p> </p><p>Felix put his phone back down.No, he was not going to answer that.They were not friends anymore, Felix had only been doing his job, his duty, this wasn't an excuse for the Boar to suddenly think they were pals. </p><p>"All good?" Sylvain asked, two pairs of pants in his hands.He crossed the room to hold the fabric up to Felix's bruised face.</p><p>"Just got some texts," Felix admitted quietly."From him."</p><p>Sylvain nodded sympathetically, or perhaps he had just decided to choose the dark teal pants rather than the blue.Either way, he turned away and left a silent space for Felix to fill or rest in at his discretion.</p><p>He chose to rest in it, to get the courage to grab his phone again.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> some of the things i said were too much</p><p><b>Felix:</b> im sorry</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> You were hurt, I understand</p><p><b>Felix:</b> g</p><p> </p><p>There, done.Felix felt a weight lift off of him.He knew Dimitri had not meant to hurt him, or anyone, although intentions alone were not enough to make things okay.But Felix also did not want to hurt Dimitri, and he knew that he'd said things that crossed the line the night before.He knew Dimitri had been struggling, and he also really wanted him to be all right. </p><p>"Maybe I am concussed," Felix grumbled.</p><p>"Wouldn't be the first time," Sylvain pointed out.</p><p>"You're confusing me for Ingrid, she's the one always getting kicked by horses," Felix said.</p><p>"Uh, you also were kicked by a horse when you were twelve?You must have forgotten because of the concussion," Sylvain said.Felix wasn't sure if he was being teased.He sat up straighter and watched Sylvain rummage through his clothes.</p><p>"I don't know if I should trust you with this," Felix said.</p><p>Sylvain grinned."With what?Picking your clothes or remembering embarrassing details from your childhood?You said there'd be lots of people, so what's the strategy?Want to feel cuddled up and safe or would you prefer something that won't make you overheat?"</p><p>"It's cold lately, give me that one--yes, the turtleneck, yes, it's black, don't look at me like that, I'm not--"</p><p>"I guess your bruise will be the pop of colour your outfit needs," Sylvain said.</p><p>"Ha ha," Felix said.</p><p>Sylvain tossed the clothes onto the bed."You're gonna have a good time.And you'll have an excuse to be surly.It's perfect."</p><p>Felix mustered a small smile.He still had not seen the extent of the colouring on his face, but was sure he looked monstrous."Maybe."</p><p>***</p><p>In fact, Felix looked worse than he had been imagining.It had been a long while since his last black eye, and he'd forgotten about the myriad of colours that appeared and then changed the longer one had the injury.As this was the first day with it, his eye was also mostly swollen shut.He looked, if one was being polite, rough-and-tumble, and if one was being honest, like he'd been mugged.</p><p>He sat in the passenger seat of Sylvain's big comfy SUV with both eyes closed, wishing his face was not too tender to wear sunglasses. </p><p>"Then you'd just look hungover," Sylvain said.</p><p>"Hungover implies I had a fun night," Felix shot back.</p><p>The radio was not silent--Sylvain hated driving in silence--but it was softly playing background music from Animal Crossing, which Felix would never admit to enjoying but found just the right kind of soothing.He indulged himself and let the sounds make him feel like a kid on a really weird road trip.</p><p>"Ass, use your fucking signal," Sylvain muttered.It was stop and go."Anyway, so the Potato and I basically just ignore each other but he's not shaking like he used to.He's getting in the routine."</p><p>"When are you taking him to the vet?Your apartment has got to be flea city by now," Felix said.</p><p>"I'm getting his trust first," Sylvain said, pouting.</p><p>Felix shook his head, imperceptibly."He's definitely got worms."</p><p>"We'll be worm buddies."</p><p>Felix made a retching noise.Sylvain laughed softly.</p><p>"I'm glad I finally got a pet," Sylvain said, serious all of a sudden."I mean, it's a commitment.I have committed."</p><p>"You've committed," Felix agreed, even though Sylvain had yet to commit to a name for his new companion.</p><p>"And this is a big commitment," Sylvain specified."I mean, huge, that cat is a commitment even as commitments go."</p><p>"You can handle it," Felix said.</p><p>"I can," Sylvain said, nodding."I can, because I can do commitments."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Do you think--"Sylvain stopped, running one hand through his hair, but not as a performance thing. </p><p>Felix knew what Sylvain was worried about without needing to hear the rest. "Yeah.It's just what you need."</p><p>"And I've got you and Ingrid to help," Sylvain said."Just in case."</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>Sylvain nodded, swallowing hard and tapping at the steering wheel as if the mellow 2am song playing had a dance beat."Thanks."</p><p>***</p><p>Mia found she was actually kind of anxious about this year's post-NaNoWriMo party.She did not know whether she had won or not, and had to keep resisting the urge to check Virion's score, because it had become habit to every single day.She kept watching the clock and refreshing her conversation with Felix, worried that something would come up last minute and he'd have to kill someone for work.All she kept seeing were the details they had worked out, that he would be at her place at 5:30 and then he would drive her to Sol's, since he wouldn't be able to drink, anyway, with a drive back to Ingrid's in his future.Mia had toyed with the idea of him staying over, but she'd have to confirm with her parents and stress out her mom and didn't want to do that. </p><p>Picking an outfit was the next difficult step.Mia went through all her things--she really didn't have much variety--and tried to decide what would be fitting for the Shepherds and what would be interesting for Felix, because she liked him and wanted him to like her back and she didn't <em>know</em> what he would think of her decisions, only that he'd commented on her being very <em>country</em> the last time he'd seen her.Should she try to look more <em>urban?</em>Mia didn't have much in that regard.</p><p>She got on her favourite black jeans that clung to her legs.It was shaping up to be wet, so Mia wasn't going to wear calf-height boots, since the zipper was impractical and went too low and she'd end up freezing and soaked.She would use her chunkier, lower boots with no zipper at all.Step one, she knew what the bottom half of her would look like.Mia searched through her drawers in just her jeans and bra--she wasn't <em>flat</em> but she was close to it, and after twenty-five years on this planet she still didn't know if she was happy about that or not. </p><p>Mia had to wear something in which she could graciously accept either victory or defeat.She should not be thinking about her chest.She needed colour--her black turtleneck was out, unless she wore a brighter pair of pants, which was not the point.They'd be sitting, anyway.Mia stuffed that top back into the drawer and sought out some pattern.</p><p>None of it felt right, being too summery.Mia decided that the weather was icky and she could go a little on the casual, comfy side.She put an oversized, woolly sweater open over a plain white shirt, and stuck two home-made rings on her right hand.Looking in the mirror, Mia decided that she did not know how to dress herself and did not care.She was poofy on top and slim on the bottom and that was the look she was going for.Nobody needed to know whether she did or did not have breasts.</p><p>As an afterthought she put on a pendant that matched the ring on her middle finger, silver and amber.The ring on her ring finger was silver and gold.All in all, it was fine.And she had plenty of time to spare, it being about a quarter after five.Mia snuggled in to her cozy sweater and waited for Felix.</p><p>***</p><p>A vehicle did pull in to the Cecile's driveway, but it was not Felix's blue car.Instead, Mia thought it looked more like the hulking SUV that Sylvain had driven.</p><p>In either case, Mia got on her boots, grabbed her purse, and waited by the door for some clue that this was, indeed, the person that she had invited to the party.</p><p>The passenger-side door opened and Felix got out, his face looking oddly shadowed in the low light.He bent back in to the vehicle, either rummaging for something or talking to the driver.Then he straightened, adjusted his jacket, and closed the door.Mia called to her parents that her ride had arrived and that she would be going.</p><p>"Have a good time," her mom called back.</p><p>"Do you have the phone?" her dad yelled.</p><p>"Yes!"Mia had already said that she was taking it, but she supposed that a commercial about health insurance was more captivating.She rolled her eyes and went out into the cold night.</p><p>A few flurries chased each other in front of Mia as she crossed the gravel drive to where the car had stopped.Felix had a hand to his face, and the other arm wrapped around himself.He was wearing a leather jacket and looked as urban as Mia wished she could.</p><p>"Hi," she said, getting nearer.</p><p>Felix huffed a breath."Hey," he said, moving his hand from his face to his hair.</p><p>"Oh my God," Mia gasped, pausing, before crossing the distance between them to get a better look at him.The outdoor light on the corner of the house barely reached here and it was already dark, with the cloud cover especially, but that wasn't enough to hide the massive bruise on Felix's face.</p><p>"I'd rather not talk about it," Felix said.</p><p>Mia tentatively reached her hand out, stopping when her hand was level with his chest.She dropped it back to her side."Ouch, are you all right?Does it hurt?"</p><p>"I'm fine," Felix said stiffly.</p><p>There was nothing Mia wanted more than to ask how this had happened.Was it from his job?Or was he the rough kind of guy who just got into fistfights?"Does the other guy look worse, at least?"</p><p>"That's a matter of taste," Felix said, and his mouth quirked up a bit."Yes."</p><p>Mia relaxed a little, but could not fully shake the feeling of standing on a sheet of ice that was groaning with the movement of things beneath, things that she could only imagine.</p><p>"When did it happen?" Mia asked, hoping that was a safe enough question.</p><p>"Last night," Felix said, moving to the back door to hold it open for Mia.</p><p>She paused."Are you sure you still want to go to this?If you've--"</p><p>"I'm fine," Felix insisted."I mean--I--want to see you win.Officially."</p><p>Mia ducked her head and got into the SUV.Inside, Sylvain greeted her warmly.</p><p>"Hi, Mia, oh, that's a cute sweater.No, Felix, back seat--pretend I'm not here--I'm just your chauffeur.My car, my rules."</p><p>Felix slammed the front door closed with a growl and walked around the front of the vehicle to the other side.</p><p>"Are you coaching him?" Mia asked while she got buckled in.Felix had not felt it necessary last month to open her car door for her, but Sylvain sure had.</p><p>Sylvain winked at her in the rearview."Don't know what you mean, sweetheart.He's got enough charm for the both of us."</p><p>The driver's side back door opened and Felix hauled himself into the seat beside Mia."Drive, then, chauffeur."Sylvain just laughed, putting the vehicle into reverse.</p><p>"So," Mia said."How are your cats doing?"</p><p>"They're getting used to each other," Felix said."I should be able to leave them alone together soon."</p><p>"That's good news," Mia said.</p><p>Felix clasped his hands together on his lap, and turned his face to his window."Yeah."</p><p>Mia wanted to talk about their month of chatting and mutual desire for Virion's destruction, but felt that she couldn't in front of Sylvain.She had planned what she was going to say while Felix drove them to the party, but that had all gone to pieces now that they were being driven by Sylvain.She really should have done it before getting in.Only she had been distracted by the awful sight of Felix's bruised face.</p><p>"I've looked worse," Felix said, as though reading her mind.Still, he didn't turn and face her, not that she'd be able to see him clearly in the dark backseat of Sylvain's car. </p><p>"I'm not--listen, I'm just glad that you're okay," Mia said.She also didn't want to give him some speech about how, if this was related to his job, then he needed to be more careful or something.She was sure that was something he'd heard before.</p><p>In the front, Sylvain coughed suspiciously as he turned out of the driveway and picked up speed on the local country road.</p><p>Felix responded with a jerk of his whole body, to straighten and glare daggers at Sylvain's headrest."You're wearing your own rings," he said."Can people just buy them?"</p><p>"What, like, right off my hand?"Mia's eyes flicked to the front, where Sylvain was obviously trying to hold in a laugh.Felix glared at him again.</p><p>"I guess," Felix said.</p><p>"Depends.I really like this one," Mia said, taking off the ring on her middle finger, and holding it out for Felix to inspect.He took it, bringing his phone out of his jacket pocket and turning on the light to see it better."I wouldn't sell that one, because it's mine, but I would the other one."</p><p>Felix turned his phone to light up the ring on Mia's hand, which she held closer for him to see."They're both, uh, nice.Well made."He darkened his phone, settling it between his legs so that he could slide the silver and amber ring back on to Mia's middle finger.He barely brushed her palm with his calloused fingertips and Mia almost choked on her own tonsils. </p><p>She made an elegant sound like 'whng?' and covered her mouth with her other hand.</p><p>"Maybe I should buy one," Felix said.</p><p><em>You already did</em>, was what Mia would have said, if her brain would divert a single percentage of processing power to something other than the sensation of having a ring slid over her finger by another human being.</p><p>"Hng, what for?" Mia managed to choke out.His left hand was still holding hers, if it could be called that.More or less it hovered underneath her palm, vaguely brushing it and Mia thought she'd feel more put together if he just gripped it and crunched her bones.</p><p>Felix frowned, but he also glanced away."I--uh, as a gift for someone."He glanced back and gave her a pathetically weak smile, shaking practically.</p><p>Why was Sylvain driving so slowly?He was adhering to the speed limit.Mia wished he would run them into the ditch.</p><p>"Sorry," Felix muttered, pulling away and adjusting his phone in his lap, then putting it away altogether in his pocket. </p><p>"It's fine," Mia said.She was grateful for the darkness because her heart was racing as fast as she wished Sylvain would drive and her face was probably the colour of his hair.</p><p>Sylvain was probably dying with the laughter he was trying to suppress.He was going to put this in his Hall of Fame of clumsy human interaction, which he definitely had. </p><p>"So," Mia said, now that she had her hand back.She twisted her ring over her finger, pulled it up over her knuckle and shoved it back down."So.You two are childhood friends, right?"</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said."Don't get him started, though."</p><p>He looked alarmed, which meant that this was not the best topic to divert to.For Mia, though, anything was better.Sylvain, to his credit, only laughed slightly, and managed not to sound completely breathless when he said that he'd tell Mia all about Tiny Felix whenever she wanted.</p><p>"I'm not going to ask," Mia said, to try and smooth Felix's hackles back down.She knew she would hate it if anyone brought up her childhood to Felix, and was glad that she only knew any of the Shepherds from recently.There were no embarrassing stories there, no sir.</p><p>"Thanks," Felix breathed.</p><p>There was a long stretch of silence, broken only by the gentle music from Sylvain's phone, where the two of them scrambled to think of something that they could say in front of him.Sylvain coughed again, but Felix didn't say anything this time.Mia tried to process the situation but failed, deciding to just let it play out and wait for someone else to talk.When she reached that conclusion, she was able to relax into the quiet.She caught Felix's eye and smiled, and saw him do the same.It was surprising, but also a huge relief.Sylvain drove, obviously tense.</p><p>No one spoke until he had pulled to the curb a few storefronts down from Sol's.</p><p>"Text me when you're ready to leave," Sylvain said."I'll be around."</p><p>Mia tried not to let her relief show, knowing that he would not be joining them."Thanks for the ride," she said, after she'd gotten half out of the car.She wasn't going to make Felix jog around to open the door for her.</p><p>Sylvain blew her a kiss."Anytime!Try not to be be too chatty, you two."</p><p>Felix swore at him gently, and said he appreciated being driven down.Sylvain blew him a kiss, too, and drove off so that someone else could park.</p><p>Mia and Felix were left on the sidewalk, her with her hands in the pockets of her voluminous sweater and Felix holding his elbows.He tilted his chin up, looking ragged, and they started heading down to Sol's, side by side.</p><p>Before they got there, Mia had to take her chance.</p><p>"Hang on," she said.Felix stopped, turning to face her fully."Before we, uh, go in, I just wanted to say that," Mia closed her eyes to collect her thoughts and remember the sentiment she had decided needed to be voiced.When she looked again, Felix was watching her silently, but politely."Talking to you all month was really fun.And, you gave me support and listened to my ideas and helped me come up with a really neat magic system that ended up tying together all my subplots and I'm proud of what I wrote.Because of that.And," Mia said, unable to look at him for a moment, and then forcing herself to, because she had to be genuine."And whether I've won or lost, I want you to know I'm grateful."</p><p>"I didn't do anything," Felix pointed out."All that stuff--you did it."</p><p>"You supported me in my rivalry, I wouldn't have written half as much if you hadn't been encouraging me," Mia insisted.</p><p>"Don't give me so much credit," Felix huffed."Or was he ever really your rival?Since that's all the encouragement you should've needed."</p><p>"Will you just let me thank you?" Mia asked.</p><p>The part of Felix's face that was unbruised tinged pink."Okay.If you must."</p><p>He was not letting her do this as planned.It was so frustrating and her heart was still pounding and she didn't really want to go in to that party, but find somewhere quieter where they could finally just <em>talk</em>, in person and without a million other people being around.</p><p>"Thank you," she said, and because she was kind of imagining grabbing his hand and just finding somewhere else to eat, she stepped closer to put her arms around him in a quick hug. </p><p>Instantly, she felt him go stiff against her.The leather of Felix's jacket on her palms was still warm from where his back had been resting against his seat.Mia hastily let go, and his zipper snagged on her fuzzy sweater.Mia tugged at it and Felix raised his hands, as if to help, then folded his arms in front of himself.Mia freed herself and stepped away.She pushed some hair behind her ear and looked down at the sidewalk. </p><p>"All right," Felix said.He cleared his throat."You're welcome, I guess."</p><p>Mia nodded.Wordlessly, Felix gestured to Sol's and the two of them ambled to the door.<span class="Apple-converted-space">  <em>Shit</em>, this was why she had wanted to do this in the car.  Talking in cars was easy, and even if she had been seized with the irrational desire to hug him, she'd have been stopped by her seatbelt.  Safety First.  </span>Mia tried to fix her breathing and hoped that she would not spend the entire evening in total shame.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sylvain always seems to manage to make any chapter longer. I'M still chuckling at 'worm buddies' but you don't have to</p><p>These two! Keep foiling my wish to speed things up by being oblivious and repressed. It's probably for the best.</p><p>By now you are aware that I am not at all confident writing about the concept of clothes</p><p>No idea why I so badly craved black-eyed Felix but here we are. Now that they're at the party, though, I gotta Felix that tonight's gonna be a good night ;) </p><p>the title is from 'Undefeated' by Daughtry just because, well, what a line</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. this might end up like it should</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>a challenge completed, a challenge issued, a challenge accepted</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix was mortified.He held the door for Mia and let her in first, so that he could tug a couple strands of hair forward and in doing so hide his face for a second.That was nowhere near long enough to collect himself.This evening had already been a trainwreck--due in no small part to Sylvain--and they hadn't even made it through the door of the restaurant.</p><p><em>'Talk about the jewellery she makes'</em>, Sylvain had said on the drive down.<em>'She'll love it if you take an interest, ooh I'm Sylvain and I'm so good at talking to people~'</em>Yeah, right.<em>'Make sure to use light little touches, physical contact is so important to build trust, I probably read this on some disgusting online forum for pickup artists~'</em> Felix should have brought his headphones and tuned Sylvain out for the whole drive.</p><p>The inside of Sol's was even louder than the first time Felix had been there.Mia turned to make sure he was still with her, and saw him in full light for the first time that evening.Her mouth opened into a little 'o' and then she pressed her lips together.Her cheeks were red, from the cold evening air.</p><p>"Is it that bad," Felix said.</p><p>"Shit," Sully said, approaching instead of Stahl this time."What happened to you?You look like you just lost to the Outsiders, Ponyboy."</p><p>"Sully!" Mia exclaimed, but she was also sort of laughing.</p><p>She shrugged."I don't know, I never read the fucking book.So what's the story?"</p><p>"What are you, a cop?" Felix demanded.</p><p>Thankfully, Sully seemed to accept this.She guffawed."Just don't drag Mia into your life of crime!It actually looks like you were kicked by a bull."</p><p>"Something like that," Felix said, hoping this would be over soon.</p><p>"Heh.Oh, Lon'qu, you made it," Sully said, as someone came in behind them.Felix turned as Mia did, though she also took a couple of steps back.She was on the side of his swollen eye, so Felix couldn't see her well without turning his whole head.</p><p>In the doorway was a very tall man, with fluffy black hair and narrowed eyes."You--"He blinked, and then those eyes went wide."What!"He turned to Mia."You actually--" he turned to Felix again, "My name is Lon'qu and--I need to challenge you to a duel!"</p><p>Felix stared at him, this tall stranger who was rapidly become a deeper and deeper shade of pink at the sight of him, Felix. </p><p>Sully cackled."Lon'qu, oh my God!"</p><p>"You're supposed to smack him with your glove!" someone yelled from a bunch of tables that had been set end to end for a very large group.</p><p>Lon'qu clenched his fists at his sides.He was wearing a long blue coat that fell to his knees, and when Felix looked him up and down he got the impression that here was a lean man with the potential to be very fast, and a real challenge.</p><p>"What are your terms?" Felix asked, tilting his chin up.</p><p>"Oh my God," Mia said under her breath, but Lon'qu's eyes had lit up. </p><p>"The weapon would be the katana, three rounds, victory from disarming or forcing a yield.Time and location at your discretion."</p><p>Felix nodded.He now had confirmation that this was not a psychopath who wanted to duel to the death.Although that would be interesting."Fine.I'll get back to you."He got his phone out and handed it to Lon'qu to put in his contact information. </p><p>Lon'qu did so, almost vibrating with excitement.Felix had to admit that he was excited, too. </p><p>"Do you fence?"</p><p>Lon'qu looked up briefly to nod."But I prefer Eastern blades."</p><p>Felix liked all blades.He accepted his phone and saw that Lon'qu had put a little knife next to his name in the contacts list.It was annoying, almost like the other man was trying to be cute, but Felix understood that this would make it easier to remember why he had him in his phone.</p><p>"I could text you my Instagram," Lon'qu said."I--also post swords, mainly."</p><p>The only people Felix followed were Ingrid and Mercedes.He had originally followed Sylvain, too, but had since blocked him.He didn't realize that there were other sword accounts on social media.</p><p>Sully shook her head."Mia, are you just gonna let this happen?"</p><p>"I don't even know what 'this' is," Mia said.</p><p>Felix came back to reality.He looked from Mia to Lon'qu."Don't tell me this is one of your writers."</p><p>A man with bleached hair had left the table to stand behind Mia."You bet Lon'qu is a Shepherd," he said."You must be Felix, right?I'm Robin."</p><p>"Hm," Felix said in acknowledgement."Right, that's your club's name."</p><p>Lon'qu had seen Robin and gotten even redder."I write historical."</p><p>"Lots of swords," Robin said, cheerfully."Too bad Lon'qu doesn't go to write-ins, or you could have done this all sooner."</p><p>"Enough," Lon'qu said."We're blocking the door."He skirted around the others to find a seat near the very end of the table.</p><p>"It doesn't look like your last duel went well, though," Robin said.</p><p>Felix frowned.</p><p>Robin gestured to Felix's face."Win or lose?"</p><p>Ah."Draw," Felix said, deciding to continue with being vague.At least he was no longer cringing with embarrassment from the disaster in the car, and the way Mia had clearly not wanted to touch him longer than a second.He hoped Mia would be sympathetic and pick a seat near Lon'qu.</p><p>They really were blocking the door, so Sully hustled them into the restaurant while other customers entered.</p><p>"Sit close to Virion," Sully suggested."Maybe there?By Chrom."She turned and led the new customers, not writers, to a booth near the wall.</p><p>Mia nodded and led Felix to the opposite end of the table from Lon'qu.Her bulky sweater ended at her hips, and her black jeans clung to her legs.Felix's eyes went to them on their own, and his mind wandered to whether she ran, or danced, or something.She stopped abruptly and Felix looked up in a hurry, to see her resting her hand on the back of a chair.</p><p>"Hey, everyone," Mia said."Is here good?"</p><p>On her immediate left was an unfamiliar blonde girl with curled hair, and beside her was the pigtailed girl Felix remembered as being very talkative the last time he'd seen these people.Across from those two was Chrom, and Robin slid into place beside him with an enigmatic look on his face.Beside them was Virion and a woman Felix also didn't remember seeing before, so perhaps Virion's plus one.</p><p>"Of course, darling," the blonde girl said.She had ribbons in her hair, too, and was wearing an elegant pink top in a silky sort of material.</p><p>Felix sat as Mia did, taking off his jacket and draping it over the back of the chair.</p><p>"My, what happened to you?" Virion asked.</p><p>Coming here had been a mistake.Every head turned to look at Felix.The girls at Mia's left leaned forward over the table to see.</p><p>"Leave him alone," Mia said."He doesn't want to talk about it."</p><p>Felix was simultaneously grateful and irritated, like he was a kid again and crying to Sylvain or Dimitri over something stupid. </p><p>"I see," Virion said."Did your girlfriend at least kiss it to make it better?"</p><p>"Virion!" Mia squeaked, going bright red.</p><p>The woman at Virion's left jabbed him in the side with her elbow."Grow up!"</p><p>"Darling Cherche, it was simply a polite inquiry, there's no need for violence," Virion pouted.</p><p>Darling Cherche rolled her eyes and presumably kicked Virion under the table, because he yelped.It was the kind of interaction that Felix was quite familiar with, and he had to smile despite being embarrassed.</p><p>"You two grow up together?" He asked.</p><p>When Cherche grinned at him, it was like they were in a secret agreement."Oh, you know exactly what it's like, then!I still have to apologize for him."</p><p>"I know what that's like, too," Felix said.He introduced himself.</p><p>"It's a pleasure to meet you," Cherche said.</p><p>"This is Maribelle," Mia said, and Felix was sort of glad that they were easing into a normal situation.</p><p>The blond girl nodded politely."Charmed."</p><p>Felix snorted at that, and Mia gave him a little smile like she knew how badly he could disappoint Maribelle and was okay with it.</p><p>"You met Lissa last time, and Chrom, and Virion, and Robin and Cherche just now."</p><p>"Hey," Felix said.</p><p>More people arrived, in a steady stream.Felix swallowed and hoped that soon everyone would be here and they could eat and he wouldn't have to think.Beside him, Mia had her hands on the table, fiddling with her rings and making them sparkle. </p><p>"It's too bad though," Virion said."You came all this way only to watch me claim the victory."</p><p>"You don't know that," Mia said.</p><p>"Or do you?" Felix asked, leaning back in his seat.He might not be good at eye contact, but he was good at glaring.</p><p>The bruise must have made it even more powerful.Virion started backward."Mia, did you invite him just to intimidate poor me?"</p><p>"Poor you?A second ago you were smugly bragging about how you just <em>had</em> to be the winner," Cherche said.</p><p>More writers had made it past their friends to the empty seats beside Felix."Hi Chrom, hi everyone!"A young woman with wavy hair and beaded accessories had reached the chair right beside him."Is this seat spoken for?"</p><p>Everyone insisted that she could sit.She pulled the chair out, getting it caught somehow on Felix's seat, so that he had to scrape a bit to the side so that she could free it and sit down. </p><p>"Sorry, hi, you're--AH!" </p><p>Felix rolled his eyes.He knew it was just the shock of his messed up face, but this reminded him of when he'd first met Bernadetta. </p><p>"Sorry!I can't believe I screamed in your face!I'm Sumia," she said, hiding her own face in her hands.</p><p>"It's fine," Felix said."It's an understandable reaction."</p><p>"No, I'm just--"</p><p>Cherche clicked her tongue."Don't start that again, Sumia!It's fine, he even said so!You don't have to put yourself down."</p><p>Sumia gathered herself, and nodded."Right!Okay.Anyway, I'm Sumia--"</p><p>"--you said that," Felix interrupted.</p><p>"And you're Mia's friend, Felix, right?She showed us pictures of your cats!"</p><p>"That's right," Felix said, easing a little when he saw that Sumia was, indeed, very much like Bernadetta."You were showing off my cats?" Felix asked, turning to Mia.</p><p>"Well," she said."I showed your Instagram.That's where Lon'qu, um, he's a fan of yours, I guess."</p><p>Felix frowned, because he couldn't imagine having fans.But there was nothing embarrassing about any of the things he'd posted, or he wouldn't have posted them.</p><p>"That's fine," Felix assured her."I never thought people actually looked at my stuff."</p><p>"Oh?" Robin asked, innocently."You thought ten thousand people just followed you to be nice?"</p><p>Mia's hand went to her mouth, her curled finger pressing against her lips.</p><p>"I guess they like the cats I sometimes post?I don't know, I just--"</p><p>"Wow, I thought Hallowe'en was in October, nya haha!"A grinning boy sat down across from Sumia.</p><p>"Henry, be nice!" Cherche said, though she did not elbow him the way she had Virion.It was probably for the best.Henry was even paler than Felix, and looked like he would just crumple into dust.</p><p>"Aww, I am being nice!It's not often I get to sit with the ghoul kids!"</p><p>Cherche groaned."<em>Henry."</em></p><p>"What's--oh no!" A lovely young woman with pale pink hair had sat down beside Sumia."I thought I was going to know everyone here!"</p><p>"This is Olivia," Sumia said."And that's Ricken."A boy with smooth, reddish hair had taken the seat next to Henry.</p><p>Felix just nodded, because he now felt completely and utterly closed in by other people.Thankfully, though, it seemed that was the last group.Stahl arrived and began taking a very long drink order.</p><p>When he reached Mia and Felix he asked if they were going to be on the same bill.</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said.He ordered a beer, and so did Mia.</p><p>"You don't have to pay for me," Mia said.</p><p>Felix gave her a stare."I'm--" <em>the one with a job</em>, he thought, but that would probably play into some insecurity of hers."--doing this to celebrate your victory, don't make it a big deal."</p><p>Mia bit her lip and reddened."Of course.Thanks."</p><p>"Now who's overly confident?" Virion scoffed.</p><p>Felix fixed him with another withering glare."Is writing an entire novel not considered a victory?"</p><p>"Of course it is," Virion said.</p><p>"I didn't finish," Sumia said sadly.</p><p>"You still ended up with forty thousand words you didn't have before," Cherche pointed out.</p><p>Chrom agreed from the end of the table."She's right.Any amount of words is a victory."</p><p>"Yeah," Lissa said."Even if you don't reach 20k."</p><p>"That's better than I did last year," Chrom said.</p><p>"What do you even write about?" Felix asked, Chrom specifically because he seemed more of a jock than some of the others, but everyone was suddenly eager to talk about their projects until drinks arrived.Chrom did short stories about a group of adventuring heroes, Robin wrote deeply technical mysteries and sometimes time travel science fiction, Lissa and Maribelle worked together on a hybrid of a legal drama and a romantic comedy, and Sumia wrote high fantasy with lots of horses and pegasi.</p><p>Stahl began bringing out trays of drinks. </p><p>"I just journal," Olivia said.</p><p>"You don't 'just' journal, you also come up with new dances and stories from songs you love," Cherche protested."You're the only one of us who does mixed-media.At the end of the month, Olivia always has a beautiful piece of art.I think she works harder than most of us," she added, making Olivia try to hide in her dance studio hoodie.</p><p>"I write crime drama," Ricken piped up.He looked twelve, which made Felix snort.Ricken clenched his fists."Is that funny?I'm not a kid, you know!"</p><p>"Of course not," Felix said.He saw that everyone nearby was concealing laughter, suggesting that this came up a lot.Stahl put a beer in front of him."Thanks," Felix said.</p><p>"Ricken is very good," Cherche said.</p><p>"Nya ha, his crime scenes aren't bloody enough!He never listens to me and disembowels anyone!I guess he doesn't have the stomach for it," Henry said with a giggle.Ricken shoved him.</p><p>"I can't believe I dated you in high school," he groaned.</p><p>Lissa snorted."Because that was <em>so</em> long ago!"</p><p>At the same time, Henry just laughed."Now you just find me ex-asperating!"</p><p>There was a collective groan.</p><p>"Henry writes horror," Ricken said apologetically.</p><p>"That's horrorble to say," Henry protested."I write about witches and their cute familiars!It's adventure!"</p><p>"With dismemberment in every chapter," Ricken said, eyes closed.Well, Felix thought, it was always the cheerful ones.</p><p>"Cherche hasn't told you about her stories yet," Henry said."Tell him about your pretty monsters!Show him some of the pictures you made!"</p><p>Cherche laughed."You might be the only one of the Shepherds who appreciates my creatures."She picked her phone off the table and began looking through it.</p><p>While she was busy, Virion described his period romance involving nobles and chivalry and poems.</p><p>"All the things I can't stand in one book," Felix observed.</p><p>"You could <em>pretend</em> to be interested," Virion said.</p><p>Cherche snickered and offered Felix her phone, which was displaying a half-coloured digital sketch of a gnarly dragon.There was nothing pretty about it, though it was clearly drawn with a lot of care.</p><p>"That's impressive," Felix said.</p><p>Mia looked at the image, leaning so her shoulder was touching his."That's Minerva, right?"</p><p>"Minerva?" Felix repeated, passing Cherche her phone back.</p><p>"Well, she needs a pretty name," Cherche said.</p><p>At this point, everyone had a drink.Chrom rapped on his glass with a knife, and someone called 'don't break it this year!'</p><p>"Everyone, Shepherds, hello," Chrom said, clearing his throat."I'm glad that we could all make it out tonight."He began a speech, thanking everyone for their donations to the NaNoWriMo organization, and contributions to the region.Then he congratulated the writers, on making it through the month with more words than they'd started with.Robin passed him a flashcard and Chrom nodded, and called Stahl over to thank him personally for letting them meet in his restaurant.He offered him a box of some kind of fig cakes, which Stahl looked delighted about. </p><p>"Now," Chrom said."You all know about the rivalry between our two word maniacs, Virion and Mia.This year in the chat they went by Holmes and Moriarty, and it was a very intense race.I have here," Chrom picked up an envelope and waved it so everyone could see, "the two final wordcounts.I will now announce which of these writers has the highest score and gets to bring home the coveted <em>You're a Star</em> mug Lissa scored from the Winners, filled with a selection of victory tea and chocolate."</p><p>The writers all leaned forward.</p><p>"I hope you didn't exhaust yourself by writing a speech," Virion taunted Mia.</p><p>"Yeah, I added it to my already-high wordcount," Mia drawled.</p><p>"Shameful!" Virion gasped.</p><p>Chrom shook his head, grinning, and opened the envelope."Only five hundred and thirteen words separate these titans.The winner, with two-hundred and fifteen thousand, eight hundred and two words--Mia!"</p><p>Chrom gestured for Mia to stand, and the writers applauded.Felix did, too, feeling unreasonably proud, even though he hadn't done a thing.Chrom circled around to her and handed Mia her hideous mug, which was stuffed full with chocolate bars.Robin took a picture of Chrom handing off the prize.</p><p>"Speech!" someone shouted from down the table.</p><p>Mia ducked her head."I--did not actually write a speech, so I'll just wing this," she said.She thanked Chrom and the other Shepherds for being so nice about welcoming her, and embracing the rivalry--Sully commented that it was entertaining as Hell.</p><p>"Thanks, Virion, for pushing me to write so much.You were an even more daunting opponent this year, and I'm scared how much you'll up the stakes next year!"</p><p>"I have begun outlining my next project already," Virion said, with a sly wink.</p><p>"Good," Mia said."I have no idea what I'll be doing.I just know that I've got over two hundred thousand words to edit now."</p><p>"You can do a rewrite next year," Virion suggested.</p><p>Mia laughed.She looked down at Felix, smiling in a way that made his gut twist.He hoped that she wouldn't drag him into this.He hoped that she would.</p><p>"Well done, now let's order our food," Chrom said.</p><p>Mia did an awkward half bow over the table and sat down, putting her prize between her place setting and Felix's. </p><p>"Congratulations," Felix said.She stared at him, still smiling, but it sort of was being replaced by something different, more wide-eyed. </p><p>"Thanks again," Mia said.</p><p>"I'm glad you didn't break your vow," Felix said, trying not to smile so much."To win."</p><p>"Me, too."</p><p>"Nya ha, Mia won her duel, isn't she gonna get a kiss from her Prince?"</p><p>Felix stiffened and felt all of the blood in his body make a rush for his face.Mia rubbed the back of her neck, tucking in her chin.Her hair fell forward, still longer on this side of her face.Felix glanced at the Shepherds, unable to read their expressions with the swell of embarrassment rising up through his whole body.He could not think at all, except for a certain song stuck in his head.</p><p>Maybe it was the concussion.</p><p>Felix tentatively brushed Mia's hair aside, so that he could lean in and clumsily press his lips against her very warm cheek.</p><p>He pulled back with a hasty apology.There was a rush of noise that Felix could not identify.He grabbed his beer and had a long draught of it.From the corner of his eye, he saw that Mia was doing the same thing. </p><p>Beneath the table, her foot bumped against his.Felix twitched his leg away, then settled it back against hers. </p><p>Felix held his breath, but Mia didn't move away.He wasn't sure what was happening, but he didn't feel all that bothered by it.He listened to the Shepherds talk about their writing, and Mia and Virion's accomplishment, and Felix discovered he was glad that he'd come.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I remembered just in time that Lon'qu will also challenge anyone with a blade to a duel. Match made in Heaven. Also Felix doesn't know he can unfollow people, he just slams that block button</p><p>I can't remember most of my preferred Awakening pairings so I'm keeping it a little vague for everyone's benefit. Ship whomever you please, I don't care. No idea why I wanted Ricken and Henry to be amicable exes, though. Maybe just for the ex pun and the 'you were literally just in high school' joke.</p><p>The title is from 'Start of Something Good' by Daughtry, which I've loved for a long time.</p><p>After last month's marathon I'm having a bit of the word fatigue, but I started this chapter yesterday and wanted to finish it. I'm going to try having a little rest, so if it takes me longer to update that's all it is. I'm sure I had more feelings about the stuff I literally just wrote but I can't think of them right now!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. i'm underwater and i'm on fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yeah, it's a good good night</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Well done," Virion said softly.Cherche rolled her eyes at him and Henry let out a little cheer.Robin was grinning, and beside him Chrom's smile was soft.Mia hid behind her beer and stretched out a leg, feeling her foot hit Felix's.He flinched away, then settled his whole leg against hers.</p>
<p>Her face had already been burning, but now her whole body was on fire.Mia drank deeply, trying to think.<em>Okay,</em> she thought.<em>Okay, this is what's happening</em>.She tried to watch Felix from the corner of her eye, and could basically just see dark purple bruise, but from his stiff posture, his hand curled up tight on the table, she guessed he was just as mortified as her.</p>
<p><em>Who are you</em>, she wanted to ask.She knew so little about him, just bits and pieces from his replies.Virion's advice, that she support Felix the way he'd supported her over the past month, rang hollow in her mind.How could she support him when she didn't know him?How could she thank him when there were always people around, and they both needed to be alone before they could share anything?</p>
<p>Maribelle asked Ricken about his first semester of university.Ricken perked up and started describing his classes, the ones that bored him, the ones that had quirky professors, and then his roommate.Cherche chatted with Sumia about animal behaviour.Robin observed each conversation, offering timely comments to all of them.Mia had no idea how he kept them all sorted out in his head, but he could do the same thing with all his twisting plotlines in writing.Chrom was teased by Lissa, but didn't seem to mind.</p>
<p>They ordered their food, and talked more while they waited.Henry managed to come up with a pun for every item on the menu, meaning that nearly every three minutes that entire half of the table groaned loudly. </p>
<p>"<em>Meat</em> the skewers," Henry giggled.Ricken looked like he was hoping to be stabbed.</p>
<p>"I thought there was a spaghetti menu," Mia said, "but I must've <em>pasta</em>ver it.God, sorry, that was bad."</p>
<p>"Nya ha ha you beat me to that one!"</p>
<p>Mia glanced at Felix, who was watching her."Sorry," she said again.</p>
<p>"Don't you dare get into a pun rivalry," Felix warned her.</p>
<p>"No way," Mia said."Besides, I'd have no chance against Henry.He's number pun."</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes while Henry giggled.</p>
<p>"That was the last one," Mia promised.</p>
<p>"Aww, but I want a rival!You and Virion had so much pun last month," Henry said.</p>
<p>"Nope," Mia said."Now it's all about Felix versus Lon'qu.Are you really going to duel him?"</p>
<p>Felix startled a bit."If he's serious.Yeah."</p>
<p>"Do you get into duels often?"Mia ducked her head, laughing at the memory of Sylvain asking if she 'came here often' when he drove down to pick out a cat.</p>
<p>"I'm part of a fencing club," Felix said."But outside of that, no."</p>
<p>"I've never seen a duel," Mia said, although that probably went without saying.</p>
<p>"You've watched movies."</p>
<p>Mia bit her lip."I thought those weren't real.They just try to hit each other's blades and it's got a name--I can't remember, Flynning or something."</p>
<p>"That's right," Felix said, smiling a little."Did I tell you that?"</p>
<p>"I think I read it a long time ago," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix gave her a questioning look.</p>
<p>"What?Swords are cool!Just because I'd never put any in a story doesn't mean I've never had an interest," Mia said.</p>
<p>His smile and his little laugh, basically just a huff of breath, were both cute, and Mia almost missed them.He offered, "So for the duel, I should pick a date when you can watch?"</p>
<p>"I'd like that," Mia said, "but I don't think Lon'qu would want me there."</p>
<p>"It wasn't in his terms," Felix pointed out. </p>
<p>Cherche noticed what they were talking about."Lon'qu is anxious around people.Especially women.It's why he doesn't attend most of our write-ins.You should ask him before inviting an audience."</p>
<p>"I'll do that," Felix said."Thanks for letting me know."</p>
<p>Cherche smiled."Of course!"</p>
<p>Eventually, food arrived, and the Shepherds ate and drank and went on celebrating.Felix was mostly quiet beside Mia, but sometimes Cherche would ask him a question or opinion, and Sumia was curious about his cats.Mia couldn't escape bantering with Virion, who could not believe how close they'd been.</p>
<p>"If I'd just repeated my stanzas more often," Virion groaned."I was pushing it as it is, though.Do you know, the spacebar on my laptop was starting to creak.I had to punch it with my thumb.I might have carpal tunnel."</p>
<p>"Ouch, you have to rest it now," Mia said."Here, for being a worthy opponent."She fished out a bar of dark chocolate with sea salt and passed it over to him.</p>
<p>"I do not ask for your pity, good lady," Virion said, but he accepted the gift with a smile.Mia was glad that she'd done this.</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes."Do you have to talk like that?"</p>
<p>"Like what?" Virion asked, an eyebrow raised.</p>
<p>"Like some...Jane Austen character.Can you help it?Is it a condition?"</p>
<p>Virion scoffed."Mia, you've already won, please stop him!There is no need to rub salt in my wounds."</p>
<p>Mia braced her elbows on the table and put her face in her hands, laughing.</p>
<p>"What?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>Mia pointed vaguely at the chocolate bar she'd passed to Virion.She wasn't capable of speech right now.</p>
<p>"Ah, sea salt," Virion said, grinning."You are a cruel woman."</p>
<p>Mia squeaked, "It wasn't on purpose!"</p>
<p>"They put salt in chocolate?" Felix asked, frowning."Sylvain would say that's disgusting."</p>
<p>"He probably eats milk chocolate, doesn't he?"Mia explored her prize."Chrom--well, Lissa knows Virion and I both have taste."</p>
<p>"He's a giant baby, yes," Felix said."He'll only eat sugary candy bars.It's repulsive."</p>
<p>"Dark chocolate with salt is so good," Mia told him."You've got to try."</p>
<p>Felix looked a little suspicious."It's not sweet, is it?"</p>
<p>"I just said dark chocolate and salt," Mia reminded him."You heard me say that.It's bitter and salty and good."</p>
<p>"Then maybe I will try it," Felix said.</p>
<p>So Felix didn't like anything sweet.Mia made a mental note."Eat some in front of Sylvain and gross him out."</p>
<p>"It's what he deserves," Felix said, raising his beer.Mia clinked hers against it and the two of them drank.</p>
<p>"Unbelievable," Virion tutted, shaking his head."I do not envy this Sylvain."</p>
<p>"He's a cad," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Now who's using outdated language?"</p>
<p>Felix just shrugged.</p>
<p>"Ask Sully about him," Mia suggested."He really pushed his luck, and that was just ordering coffee."</p>
<p>"I'm not surprised.I <em>am</em> surprised he didn't end up with any broken bones, Sully seems," Felix paused, closing his eyes to think of the right word, "capable."</p>
<p>"That she is," Virion agreed.</p>
<p>Mia thought Virion pushed his luck pretty often, too, the way he continued to call Sully things like 'darling' and 'my dear'.But Virion was like that with everyone, so Mia supposed Sully knew she wasn't being seriously hit on. </p>
<p>"Still," Mia said, "It was nice of Sylvain to drive you here."</p>
<p>Felix nodded."He's a good friend.Once you get past his habits."That made sense, or else Felix would have no reason to hang around him.They were such opposites.</p>
<p>"I can say the same about Virion," Cherche said.Felix smiled again.Mia was glad they'd all sat near each other.It had shaped up to be a good night, after all.</p>
<p>It passed by quickly, despite the group hanging around long after they'd finished eating, to keep talking.Stahl passed out everyone's bills, telling them to pay at the counter whenever they were ready.The first one to leave was Nowi, because she had a bedtime that she insisted she had outgrown.Her dads both guffawed and promised to take her to the upcoming monthly meet-ups where the Shepherds could discuss their revisions and outlines.Other Shepherds began to disperse.A very tipsy Vaike leaned on Lon'qu, who gave a pained, pointed last look at Felix before helping his friend out to drive him home.</p>
<p>"Should I tell Sylvain we're ready to go?" Felix asked, as Ricken got up to leave and Henry said that he had a paper to get to work on. </p>
<p>Mia nodded.It was getting late and she didn't want to be the last ones there."What's he been doing all this time?"</p>
<p>"Hopefully keeping it in his pants," Felix said under his breath."He says he'll be here in fifteen.He's disappointed in us leaving so early."</p>
<p>"It's not early," Mia protested.</p>
<p>"God," Felix said, presumably as another text came in. </p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>Felix shook his head, putting his phone face-down on the table."He's just...being Sylvain.Forget it."</p>
<p>Mia nodded, curious but also deeply not wanting to know.They chatted with Virion, Cherche, and Sumia, while Chrom leaned on the counter chatting with Sully.Maribelle and Lissa walked with Ricken to the door, catching up on bits of conversation they'd missed out on in their corner.</p>
<p>"He's here," Felix said, after his phone buzzed.They said their farewells, and Felix settled the bill at the counter.He swung his leather jacket back over his shoulders and Mia grabbed her trophy mug.</p>
<p>Outside, it was too cold for just an oversized sweater.Mia pulled it tighter around herself with her free hand, bringing the plush fabric right up to her freezing throat. </p>
<p>"You look like a sheep," Felix said.</p>
<p>Mia laughed, tipping her head back before curling forward a bit.When she looked at Felix, he was smiling.</p>
<p>"I wasn't trying to be funny," he said.</p>
<p>"But you are, you're just--" Mia shook her head."You just said that straight-faced.I'm a member of the 'Shepherds'.My <em>family</em> raises sheep."</p>
<p>Felix looked skyward."Okay."</p>
<p>Mia bumped her shoulder against his."So where's our chauffeur?"</p>
<p>"Just a bit down the street, apparently," Felix said.There were still cars parked directly in front of Sol's,so Sylvain had to have parked further down.</p>
<p>They found him leaning on his vehicle, staring down at his phone while he waited.He glanced up, saw them, and grinned.</p>
<p>"Hey, there you are!"</p>
<p>"We had to say goodbye to everyone," Mia said.</p>
<p>Sylvain nodded."No worries.You look cold, though.Felix, put an arm around her at least."</p>
<p>Felix snapped at him, blushing in the dark.With a wink, Sylvain opened the back door of his SUV and bowed."Sir, Madam."</p>
<p>Felix climbed in and Mia followed.The two of them sat in silence until Sylvain had gotten into the driver's seat and asked them about their time.</p>
<p>"It was good," Mia said."I won my bet with Virion."</p>
<p>"You had a bet?"</p>
<p>Mia glanced at Felix.Had he not mentioned that?She explained her rivalry, feeling silly.</p>
<p>"Wow, that sounds like a lot of writing," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"It's fun, you should try it," Mia suggested, knowing what the answer would be.</p>
<p>"Nah, sounds like nerd stuff.Ask Felix instead," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Mia laughed."He's got to prepare for his duel."</p>
<p>"His <em>what?</em>"Sylvain glanced back at Mia to see if she was serious."Felix, what have you done?"</p>
<p>Felix leaned forward."Watch the road.One of them recognized me from my blog or whatever it is.He's into swords and issued a challenge.I accepted."</p>
<p>"Only you would do that," Sylvain said."So when will you be cutting this guy down?It's not a duel to the <em>death</em>, is it?"</p>
<p>"Of course it's not a duel to the death!"Felix leaned back and folded his arms. </p>
<p>"To the <em>pain?</em>"</p>
<p>"Grow up, it's three rounds, no killing <em>or</em> maiming," Felix grumbled.</p>
<p>Sylvain gestured with one hand."Oh, sure, that's fine.Are you using <em>actual</em> swords for this?"</p>
<p>"I would assume so," Felix said."What else would we duel with?"</p>
<p>"Uh, practice swords?Fake swords?Toy swords?Wooden swords?Anything non-lethal, really?"</p>
<p>Felix rubbed his face."We're not children, Sylvain."</p>
<p>"You <em>sound</em> like two idiots with swords," Sylvain pointed out.</p>
<p>"I thought you'd find that delightful," Felix said."I'd expect this sort of thing from Ingrid, or my <em>father</em>, not you."</p>
<p>"So sue me for worrying about you," Sylvain said. </p>
<p>"If I took you to court you'd try to have sex with the judge," Felix snapped.</p>
<p>Sylvain waggled his finger, in a gesture of <em>you got me there</em>."Try?Have a little faith in me."</p>
<p>"You're unbearable," Felix huffed.</p>
<p>Mia listened to them go back and forth.It was really the most she had heard Felix ever say at once, and he was <em>sharp</em>.Every one of his insults, however, simply rolled off of Sylvain. </p>
<p>"I'm just saying this man could be a serial killer."</p>
<p>"He writes with Mia!And you meet people off the internet all the time, why is it okay for you but I do it and he's a serial killer?"</p>
<p>"I don't know which part of that to respond to!And now it's starting to sound like a hookup!"</p>
<p>"Everything isn't a hookup!God!"</p>
<p>"It sounds like he wants to stick his sword in you!"</p>
<p>"You're disgusting!"</p>
<p>"Mia, what do you know about this sword guy?"</p>
<p>"Don't bring her into this, you're the one being unreasonable," Felix spat.</p>
<p>Sylvain groaned."He's <em>her</em> writing buddy or whatever!And I'm pretty sure she doesn't want him sticking his sword in you, either!"</p>
<p>"<em>Stop saying that!</em>"</p>
<p>Mia couldn't believe how this whole conversation had spiralled."I'm pretty sure Lon'qu is just interested in actual, literal, metal swords that are sharp rather than--" She didn't want to finish the sentence."Anything else.Pretty sure he isn't a serial killer."</p>
<p>"That only makes me feel a little better," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"Felix gets to choose the time and place," Mia added."So he's not going to get stabbed in an abandoned warehouse or a little clearing in the middle of the woods or somewhere remote.Right?"</p>
<p>Felix grunted."Obviously."</p>
<p>"So he's letting you take safety precautions before he stabs you, good.That's literally all I wanted to know!"</p>
<p>They were getting closer to home, so Mia tried to relax, instead of opening her door and throwing herself into a ditch.The plus side of that idea was that Felix probably wanted to do the same thing.</p>
<p>"I can't believe you'd meet a sword geek as confrontational as you," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"Must we continue this?I thought our chauffeur was going to shut up," Felix growled.</p>
<p>"Sorry!I just got lonely waiting," Sylvain said."I'm glad you had a fun time."</p>
<p>Felix clenched his jaw and turned his face to his window.Mia sighed.The rest of the drive was quiet.They pulled into the driveway and crunched over the gravel, and Mia thanked Sylvain again for the ride, and for driving Felix down.</p>
<p>"I'm glad he could make it," Mia said.She heard Felix's seatbelt click.So he was going to walk her to her door.She wondered if this was something Sylvain had told him to do, or his own idea.</p>
<p>"Anytime," Sylvain said."And hey, if you ever need a ride to Felix's, just let me know.I love driving."</p>
<p>"Okay," Mia said, laughing a little.She thanked him one last time, wished him good night, and got out into the cold.</p>
<p>Felix was at her side very quickly."Sorry about him."</p>
<p>"It's fine," Mia said."And I am glad that you could come down.I had a nice time."</p>
<p>"Me, too," Felix admitted.It was cold enough that none of the cats were waiting at the door.</p>
<p>"You know," Mia began, "I could send another song, if you were interested.I did one a couple of weeks ago."</p>
<p>Felix's lips parted.He nodded, slowly."I'd--really like that.I've been listening to the first one.A lot."</p>
<p>A lot?What did that mean?Mia was so warm, even though it was freezing out."I'll send it--maybe tomorrow morning."</p>
<p>"If you want to," Felix said hastily."But I'd really like it.I like--hearing you."He looked away, his body filling up as he inhaled a big breath.</p>
<p>Mia could not breathe at all, because<em> he liked hearing her?</em>He listened to her other song <em>a lot</em>?He casually accepted duels and he told her to destroy her rival and he was standing there in a leather jacket with a black eye and he was <em>bashful about liking her singing</em>?</p>
<p>Felix turned back to her."Thanks," he said."It's cold, you better go in."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Mia said, numbly.</p>
<p>They stared at each other for a bit."Bye," Felix said, and he put his arms around her in a quick, stiff embrace.</p>
<p>Mia hugged back, awkward with her mug in one hand."Bye," she said."Let's--see each other again, right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix said, stepping back and running his fingers through his bangs.He was smiling."Yeah, definitely.You've still got to visit Spinach Puff."</p>
<p>"Right!I'll see you then," Mia said."Good night, Felix."</p>
<p>He nodded, backing away further."Good night, Mia."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sylvain will double the length of any given chapter and be like, Can't Help Being A Gemini ;)</p>
<p>His SUV is practical and Great Knighty and all but I really wish I'd given him one of those huge jacked up asshole pick-up trucks. Eh, he's rich, maybe he's got one of those, in addition. Sprinkle Spanon I Make It Canon!</p>
<p>There is a metric ton of dialogue--lemme know if the car conversation is confusing where I stopped using tags and I'll go stick some in for clarity's sake.</p>
<p>i want! more! singing! wanna make a musical outta this</p>
<p>Dark chocolate with sea salt is delicious and I get the impression Felix would not hate it. I really was in a 'let's Bully Sylvain' mood wasn't i</p>
<p>Title is from 'Deep End' by Daughtry...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. hhow i hlove you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>call this a fluff interlude! sleepy Felix! friends being friends! a dog! and Ferdinand Von Aegir!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So it was a good night?" Sylvain asked when Felix got into the passenger seat.</p>
<p>"I don't like your tone," Felix said, his own tone being marred by a yawn."You don't have to imply things all the time."</p>
<p>"I wasn't," Sylvain insisted.</p>
<p>Felix leaned his seat back and watched with eyes half-closed as Sylvain put the vehicle in reverse."It was.A good night."</p>
<p>"Yeah?Not just because you met a fellow sword freak?"</p>
<p>"Not just because of that," Felix said.He closed his eyes.A part of him was still embarrassed, but he was also very tired, and very happy."I don't mind talking to her."</p>
<p>Sylvain's laugh was low and kind."You--what did you say about Puff and Estoc?You tolerate her presence."</p>
<p>"I guess so," Felix said.It was more than that, but he didn't have to admit it to Sylvain.Ever. </p>
<p>"Well, it takes someone special to tolerate yours," Sylvain said."And it's clear she does."</p>
<p>Felix was tired enough to snicker."<em>You</em> tolerate me."</p>
<p>"Guess that means I'm special," Sylvain said."It's why you Hlove me."</p>
<p>"Shut up," Felix mumbled."Besides, you Hlove me, too. Embarrassing."</p>
<p>"Nah, it just means you're special," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Felix was drifting off.As he did, he wondered if by sending him a song, Mia was saying that she thought so, too. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He woke up the next morning in the guest bed of Ingrid's place, dim light coming in through the window.This room doubled as an office and general storage space, so Felix was met with the sight of old cat carriers, precarious stacks of papers and books, boxes of veterinary supplies, brown envelopes half-shredded but apparently not considered garbage, and a braid of garlic hanging by the window.How long had that been there?Didn't those go in kitchens, or by doors?Either way, it explained why the room smelled like, well, garlic.</p>
<p>Felix grunted and sat up, his head hurting.He was not possibly hung over, so he blamed it on the Boar.Today he was not feeling very forgiving.When he checked his phone, he saw that he had messages from the Boar, and from his father.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Dimitri:</b> I hope you aren't overdoing it!</p>
<p><b>Dimitri:</b> Sylvain said you were at Ingrid's! Say hello to everyone there!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Felix was sickened.Dimitri had a phone.He could easily just text Ingrid himself, and he did, frequently.Why did he think it was necessary to have Felix relaying completely meaningless greetings?Shaking his head, Felix made sure that his old man's texts weren't bad news about either of the cats, and then opened his chat with Mia.</p>
<p>It was still too early for her to have sent anything.Of course.Felix got up, got dressed, and tripped over a rotting cardboard box full of dog toys--probably dog toys--on his way out of his room.He really would have expected three girls to be tidier.Ingrid was neat, but Leonie was a hoarder and Marianne apparently had difficulty with simple tasks.</p>
<p>That wasn't fair, Felix knew.Marianne was a sweet, intelligent girl whose talent for understanding animals and their needs was unmatched.He had to be very careful with what he said around her, because she didn't deserve his sarcasm. </p>
<p>The rest of the house was a little less chaotic, at least, in terms of clutter.A dog was barking somewhere, and Leonie was shouting, and there were voices coming from the kitchen.This was an old house, and every footstep creaked and thumped and seemed far louder than necessary.Felix wondered how he had managed to sleep in so long.</p>
<p>"Don't let the dog in the house!Don't let the dog in the house!" That was Ingrid.</p>
<p>"I'm <em>trying!</em>"Leonie.</p>
<p>"What did he roll in?God, he stinks!"</p>
<p>"What do you <em>think</em> he rolled in?" Leonie yelled.</p>
<p>"It smells like shit," Sylvain commented.</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes and went to see if there was anything he could help with.</p>
<p>There wasn't.He leaned on a doorframe and watched a gleeful mutt lead Leonie on a chase around the back entry room.The dog had mud, or perhaps, manure, caked all over its fur.Perhaps it was a white dog underneath, perhaps it had spots.Felix could not tell.But the dog was delighted with its costume, barking and wagging its tail and sending flakes of drying something flying. </p>
<p>"I'm not touching it," Ingrid declared, standing in the door that led to the main hall."Don't let it near me!"</p>
<p>"Blade!Blade, get <em>over</em> here!" Leonie was yelling, but that just got the dog even more excited.Sylvain was trying to help catch the animal, but his sudden movements just riled it up even further.It barked and howled and jumped, this game far too fun to stop.</p>
<p>Marianne appeared behind Felix."Oh, dear, he's having a very good time, isn't he?"</p>
<p>Felix glanced at her, surprised to see her smiling."Looks like it," Felix agreed.</p>
<p>"The dog, too," Marianne said.</p>
<p>Felix laughed, which seemed to startle Marianne, but she soon joined him with a gentle chime that he'd only heard once before.In the meantime, Ingrid had been forced to join the chase when the dog came straight at her.She backed away, trying not to let the dog get its paws all over the front of her jeans.Sylvain tried to grab it from behind but the dog leapt away, smacking Ingrid with its mucky tail.</p>
<p>Now it was personal, apparently, because Ingrid made an outraged shout and went for the dog's collar.It was far too clever for her.</p>
<p>On top of everything, the phone in the office started to ring. </p>
<p>"Marianne!I'll get that!" Leonie yelled.She pushed past Felix and Marianne in a dash to reach the phone in time.</p>
<p>The dog ran after her, naturally.Ingrid ran at it, waving her arms to shoo it away before it could get into the house.Apparently she had no faith in either Felix or Marianne stopping it.The dog dodged away, past Sylvain, through the other door leading into the house.It found its path blocked.</p>
<p>"What is going on--" came a voice from the hall."Oh!Halt!You scoundrel!What have you got into this time?"</p>
<p>A man with long, ginger hair emerged, bent over with one hand wrapped around the dog's collar.Ingrid headed for the door, opening it so that he could usher the dog out into the cold.Ingrid slammed the door shut before the dog could turn around and slip back in.In front of her, the ginger straightened.</p>
<p>"Thanks," Ingrid said."Leonie had her hands full and he managed to sneak past her."</p>
<p>"I am always happy to help," the man replied, smiling down at her.</p>
<p>A long moment stretched out, then Ingrid shook herself back to her senses.She stepped away from ginger-boy."Ferdin--I mean, Felix, Sylvain, you haven't met Ferdinand, have you?He boards three horses here and trains them--dressage--training.He's Ferdinand."</p>
<p>Ferdinand was one of those sickeningly handsome men, much like Sylvain, with his easy, warm smile and radiant...radiance.Felix felt like a bedraggled alley cat next to a long-haired show breed.</p>
<p>"Ferdinand Von Aegir," Ferdinand said, wiping his hand on his pants before extending it to Sylvain.</p>
<p>"Nice to meet you," Sylvain said, and gave his own full name in reply.</p>
<p>Ferdinand spotted Felix and hissed in sympathy for the black eye, which Felix had not looked at this morning but was probably an exciting new shade of purple.</p>
<p>"Felix," Felix said.Over Ferdinand's shoulder, Ingrid was giving him a very pointed look, coupled with the barest shake of her head.Felix didn't know what it meant."Ingrid says you're really good at dressage."</p>
<p>"That is so kind of her," Ferdinand said.</p>
<p>"Ingrid never says anything like that to me," Sylvain pouted.</p>
<p>Ingrid scowled at Felix.Oops.That was what she had been trying to warn Felix of.</p>
<p>"She talks about all the horses and riders if you let her," Felix said, trying to sound scathing.Ferdinand gave him a puzzled look.</p>
<p>"Is there something you need, Ferdinand?" Ingrid asked.</p>
<p>Ferdinand nodded, and pushed some of his voluminous hair from his face."I was hoping Marianne would get me some more of that ear medication.It looks like Angelica might be having a relapse."</p>
<p>"Oh, dear," Marianne said softly."Yes, I'll see if I have some in the office."</p>
<p>She turned and left, just as Leonie returned from her phone call."Pregnant dog coming in, if that's okay?"</p>
<p>"It's quite a day, isn't it?" Marianne said in her small voice."Of course it's all right."</p>
<p>"I'll let 'em know," Leonie said, and both women disappeared back into the office.</p>
<p>"Ingrid has told me all about the two of you," Ferdinand said while he waited.</p>
<p>"Only good things, I hope," Sylvain said."And maybe a little bad."He winked.</p>
<p>Ferdinand laughed."She is very fond of both of you.I can see that you are quite the characters.It makes sense."</p>
<p>"Oh, interesting," Sylvain said, moving closer."I definitely need to know what she's said.And how often you talk."</p>
<p>"Sylvain," Felix said, "it's way too early for you to be yourself.Is there any coffee here?"</p>
<p>Sylvain let out a short groan and went with Felix to the kitchen, where a coffeemaker Leonie had no doubt salvaged from a junk pile was sitting with a full carafe. </p>
<p>"That Ferdinand's pretty cute," Sylvain said, grinning his lop-sided grin that meant he was absolutely up to no good."Did you hear Ingrid get all flustered?"</p>
<p>"No," Felix said, getting two cups down even though he knew Sylvain would not drink coffee."I didn't notice anything."</p>
<p>"Those words sound like Felix, but that's your liar voice," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"I just think you should leave Ingrid alone," Felix told him.</p>
<p>"I haven't even <em>said</em> anything!"</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes."Yet.But you've got your nuisance face on."</p>
<p>"Feeeliiiiix!What if Ingrid's got a crush!That's so cute!"</p>
<p>"Shut up," Felix said, not in the friendly way."It's not easy for her."</p>
<p>"Are you saying you <em>knew</em> about this!Come onnnn, why am I the last to know?"When Sylvain whined like a baby it made it hard not to smile, but Felix had to be firm about this.</p>
<p>He punched his friend on the arm."When's the last time she had a crush?" he hissed.</p>
<p>Sylvain blinked, then realization dawned."<em>Ohh</em>."</p>
<p>"Exactly.Give her space.If she doesn't want to talk about it, don't push her."</p>
<p>"You're a better friend than you give yourself credit for, you know," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"And sometimes you're just as dense as you pretend to be," Felix snapped.</p>
<p>Sylvain laughed."There's that good old tough Hlove."</p>
<p>"Shut up," Felix said, grinning."Stop saying that!You're an idiot."</p>
<p>"I will not, and yes, I am," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes and poured himself some coffee."Where's the kettle in this hellscape?"</p>
<p>"On the stove.I already had tea.And breakfast.Cup's in the sink."</p>
<p>Felix looked into the sink, which was something like a scene out of Howl's Moving Castle, and put the empty cup back in the cupboard."Since when do you get up early?"</p>
<p>"I had to shoot my shot with Leonie," Sylvain said."But turns out she's ace, so I set my alarm for nothing."</p>
<p>"You're pathetic," Felix said.</p>
<p>Sylvain shrugged."We talked about horses, and sports and stuff.She's very cool."</p>
<p>"All of Ingrid's friends are cool, have you noticed?Well, not us," Felix amended.And not the Boar, but he didn't think he needed to mention that.</p>
<p>"We're cool," Sylvain said."Dimitri's not, though.Bernie's not."</p>
<p>"She's cool in that she does whatever she wants to," Felix said.Bernadetta went to conventions in costumes that she made by hand, which someone like Sylvain would say is uncool, but Felix thought was actually badass.She also wrote and drew and was very passionate about her interests, even if she kept them secret from most people.</p>
<p>Apparently Ferdinand was gone with his horse's ear medication, because Ingrid appeared in the kitchen."Who's cool?"</p>
<p>"Bernie," Felix said.</p>
<p>"That's not weird at all," Ingrid said."Why are you talking about Bernie?"</p>
<p>Sylvain laughed."Not just Bernie.All your friends are cool.How did you manage that?You just attract cool people."</p>
<p>"Then how did I end up with you two?" Ingrid demanded.</p>
<p>"We're just lucky," Sylvain said, throwing an arm around her shoulders.Felix was impressed.For the rest of their visit, Sylvain did not mention Ferdinand once.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mia's song arrived at around eleven.Felix cursed himself for not bringing his headphones.He wondered if Leonie had any.She was constantly coming and going, so during one of her whirlwind entrances he asked.</p>
<p>"Sure, I've got a whole shoebox," Leonie said, rushing into the office and returning with a pair shaped like a couple of owls."This pair's good.If you hold the cord right.I put tape on the spot to mark it."</p>
<p>"Thanks," Felix said accepting the cute earbuds with a tinge of a blush."I'll get them back to you next time I see Ingrid."</p>
<p>"I appreciate that," Leonie said.And then she was off.</p>
<p>Sylvain laughed."What's that about?"</p>
<p>"I might want to listen to music during the drive," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Aww, don't you want to talk to me?We could always just play whatever you wanted," Sylvain suggested."I don't mind."</p>
<p>"I mind," Felix said. </p>
<p>"Don't get into a bad mood," Sylvain whined.</p>
<p>"I'm not in a bad mood," Felix said.It was quite the opposite."Maybe I'm just out of energy for people."</p>
<p>Sylvain conceded that this was an acceptable excuse.Felix had just been at Mia's writing thing, and this morning had been interspersed with other people.It made sense for him to be peopled-out.</p>
<p>Still, Felix resisted listening for the morning, opting to spend time with Ingrid and Sylvain, braving the December wind to watch her practice her showjumping.Felix leaned on the fence next to Sylvain, listening to him chat about horses and Leonie and his cat and whatever else was on his mind.Sometimes Felix thought that he could have an easy time, being happy, if he just worked up the motivation to leave his old man's house.He was happy here.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There's too much Scary happening! I needed to write this! I hope it helped cheer you up, too! Think of this as like a bonus scene before getting back to regularly scheduled antics and Felix backstory</p>
<p>Somewhere, in a different timeline, a parallel universe...I'm writing a Felix/Marianne fic and this is the part when they realize that they are in love. </p>
<p>The title is from Jann Arden's 'Ode to a Friend' but like. altered. obviously.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. and i'm not scared</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>diving into the deep end</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix ended up sleeping through most of the car ride.He didn't get to listen to Mia's new song until he got home, and felt stupid for bothering Leonie about borrowing headphones.Now he had to make sure that he remembered to give them back to her, and in the meantime those little owls would be staring at him, judging him.</p><p>He put them in a drawer so that the cats couldn't chew on them and break them worse.Although, if he just threw them out and used that as his excuse, he'd be able to buy Leonie a new pair that might last longer.</p><p>No, she'd have trouble accepting something like that.All Ingrid did was complain about how thrifty (cheap) Leonie could be.Well, when she wasn't gushing about Ferdinand's skill on a horse.</p><p>"Felix, you're home," Rodrigue said, in his doorway.Felix should have expected this."How is your face doing?"</p><p>"Fine," Felix said, turning around and crossing his arms with a huff."The bruise is practically gone, as you can see."</p><p>Rodrigue laughed."I still don't know why you insisted on going down to Ailell when you could have been resting.You are so much like Glenn."</p><p>"Satisfied?" Felix spat."I have things to do."</p><p>"There's nothing you need to do," Rodrigue protested."But if you mean you're going to rest, I'll leave you be."</p><p>"Something like that," Felix said. </p><p>"Don't forget to talk to Dimitri, he's very worried about you," Rodrigue said, and any relaxation Felix might have been feeling evaporated.</p><p>"Fuck off," Felix growled, turning back to his bed and the clothes he had to refold on it.</p><p>"Do not talk to me like that," Rodrigue warned.</p><p>"Then don't bring up the Boar when I don't want to hear about him," Felix retorted.</p><p>"That would be all the time," Rodrigue pointed out.</p><p>Felix gripped his sweater."Then that should make it easy."</p><p>"Felix--"</p><p>"Leave me alone," Felix snapped."You're always hovering."<em>Always waiting for me to turn into Glenn, but it's never going to happen</em>."You should know you'll just be disappointed."</p><p>"I'm--just trying," Rodrigue said.He didn't specify what he was trying to do, just left with a sad little sigh.Maybe this would be easier if he didn't always look so damn lonely.</p><p>They both were, and there was nothing to do about it but move on.A picture of Glenn sat on Felix's dresser, the two of them together when Felix was twelve and Glenn was already a man.Felix pressed his lips together, tightly, not thinking about who he was and where he could have been if things had been different.It had been eleven years.It wasn't supposed to hurt so much after eleven years, was it?</p><p>Felix roughly folded his things, and they ended up about the same as when he'd unpacked them.He threw them in their places and slammed the drawers shut, then sat on the edge of the bed.He thought about Ingrid looking at Ferdinand the way she had looked at Glenn.Her face had changed in all that time, but not her expression. </p><p>He got his phone and earbuds and located the sound file.Mia liked him, for now.He pressed play and her voice filled his head.</p><p>
  <em>"I'm underwater, and I'm on fire</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's nothing wilder than my heart</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just let the current, set it in motion</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then nothing can keep us apart"</em>
</p><p>Felix lay on his back, pulling his hair loose as he did and letting it spread out around his head like a dark halo.</p><p>
  <em>"We're all swimming into the light</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I want you by my side</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm right here waiting for you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Right here waiting for you."</em>
</p><p>He stared unseeing at the ceiling, thinking about Mia's hair and the little wave it had, just over her cheek.Her warm cheek.He pictured her singing this alone to her computer and thinking about him--she wouldn't have recorded it if not for him.</p><p>
  <em>"We're all living on borrowed time</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've been holding my breath all night</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Waiting for you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm diving into the deep end</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm not scared, I'm not scared</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm in way over my head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm not scared, I'm not scared, no"</em>
</p><p>Felix was scared.He still didn't know where he ended and other people's expectations of him began.He hadn't dared imagine what Mia expected him to be.Listening to this, though, he was able to consider that maybe it wasn't unattainable.Maybe she really was waiting for him, whoever he was underneath all the barbs and fears and insecurities.Maybe she meant it.Maybe she wasn't afraid of finding the real Felix.</p><p>Maybe she was telling him something with this.Maybe she wanted him to be unafraid, too.There was no way she could know what he was feeling, though.He wished and wished.</p><p>
  <em>"I'd follow you straight to the bottom</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not afraid, Hell or high water</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wanna dive into you"</em>
</p><p>He sat up, wiping his eyes.His tangled hair fell around his shoulders.Felix ignored it and opened his chat with Mia.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> i know you're hanging out w sylvain and ingrid so do not worry about replying right away</p><p><b>Felix:</b> just got home. listened</p><p> </p><p>He checked the time.It was around 10pm, so he didn't expect a response.Mia was weirdly responsible about getting to bed at a decent hour, although she apparently slept late, too.There was maybe something up with that, but Felix couldn't change her habits.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> its very good i feel lucky</p><p><b>Felix:</b> thank you 4 sending it</p><p> </p><p>Putting it on loop, Felix changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, brushed his teeth, and went to bed, listening all the while.Tomorrow, he was going to ask something important, something that had been eating away at him. </p><p>
  <em>"I'm diving into the deep end,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm not scared, I'm not scared"</em>
</p><p>He drifted off, Mia's voice filling his thoughts, keeping him from thinking of anything else.</p><p>***</p><p>Mia smiled when she saw Felix's response to her singing.He was really putting in an effort to be clear, and his typing style was evolving as a result.When he was being sincere, he used full words, and when he was being casual, he reverted to his shortcuts.Mia was trying to do the same thing.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> i'm glad! it's scary to send but v happy u enjoy</p><p> </p><p>She switched to the cat support chat to see how Sylvain's Potato was doing.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> spuff goes in wed 4 srgyry</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> nooo poor little man!</p><p><b>Mia:</b> *scissor emoji*</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> NOOO!!!</p><p><b>Mia:</b> u'll have to make an appointment for the potato soon</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> never.</p><p><b>Mia:</b> ok lmao good luck w that</p><p><b>Felix:</b> enjoy potato spray n ur bed</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> you and felix are awful</p><p><b>Mia:</b> *responsible</p><p><b>Felix:</b> y evr watch wheel of fortune</p><p><b>Mia:</b> ?</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> ?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> spay and neuter ur pets?</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> Felix. Felix thats price is right</p><p><b>Felix:</b> t r dif?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> v dif</p><p><b>Felix:</b> w</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> its ok neither has swords</p><p><b>Mia:</b> WHEEL! OF! SWORDS!</p><p><b>Felix:</b> is there?</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> ajsdgjgfelix</p><p><b>Mia:</b> but sylvain how HAS potato been inside?</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> he</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> ruined my couch</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i warned u</p><p><b>Felix:</b> will u evr name t cat r d i have 2?</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> i have ok</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> dont laugh</p><p><b>Felix:</b> j tell us</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i will not laugh</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> Ruin.</p><p><b>Sylvain: </b>Ruin Pomdetair Gautier</p><p><b>Felix:</b> you named your cat ruin</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i'm literally not allowed to comment on cat names</p><p><b>Mia:</b> but its not auspicious</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> neither is dirty potato &gt;:(</p><p><b>Mia:</b> fair. and. Pomdetair?</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> say it out loud in french</p><p><b>Felix:</b> u chngd frm dirty potato 2 ruin potato</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> respectable ;)</p><p><b>Felix:</b> u spent 2wk thinking of this.</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> had to get to know him!</p><p><b>Mia:</b> so you're keeping him?</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> YES!</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> he's my boy now!</p><p> </p><p>Mia smiled at her screen.She really was in no position to judge cat names, not when she still had Beetle and Stoner on her conscience.To be fair, though, Beetle had been <em>very</em> good at hunting bugs.Stoner had been a joke that had just stuck, but it was still Mia's fault.</p><p>Ruin Pomdetair Gautier was very lucky.Mia was glad that he'd found a wealthy home, with someone who could easily afford to replace a piece or two of ruined furniture.Maybe it was a good name, after all.She told Sylvain as much in the cat chat, and checked Felix's reply in their private conversation.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> i really appreciate it</p><p><b>Felix:</b> guess i owe u again</p><p><b>Mia:</b> that's not necessary</p><p><b>Felix:</b> oh</p><p><b>Mia:</b> but a while back i called u a bad influence</p><p><b>Felix:</b> w</p><p><b>Mia:</b> u said that was a new 1 or smth</p><p><b>Mia:</b> what did u mean?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> oh just sylvain is the bad influence</p><p><b>Felix:</b> im the 1 no one worried about</p><p><b>Mia:</b> same, kinda</p><p><b>Felix:</b> sucks being an introvert</p><p><b>Mia:</b> y makes it hard to rebel</p><p><b>Felix:</b> u get it</p><p><b>Felix:</b> but u have ur group didn't realize u were intro</p><p><b>Mia:</b> im both. entravert?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> how?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> if i'm alone too long i miss ppl, if i'm in too many social situations, i stress out post-event</p><p><b>Felix:</b> knifes edge</p><p><b>Mia:</b> ha true</p><p> </p><p>Mia didn't know if 'entravert' was an actual thing, but it was how she functioned.Felix had described her situation pretty accurately.Mia loved people, and talking, and attention, but often overthought things like what she had said and whether or not people hated her.Maybe she just had social anxiety.She thought about this, not for the first time, when she snuck downstairs to refill her star mug with coffee.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> related i have smth 2 ask</p><p><b>Mia:</b> go ahead</p><p><b>Felix:</b> if i asked u 2 go smwhr w me, yn?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> depends, but probably y</p><p><b>Felix:</b> i mean</p><p><b>Felix:</b> as like a date</p><p><b>Felix:</b> f i mean</p><p><b>Felix:</b> is that what were doing</p><p><b>Felix:</b> its fine if no</p><p> </p><p>Mia had heard the phrase 'blue-screen' to describe people reacting to things they could not process.She'd never experienced it and merely thought of it as a funny haha computer joke. </p><p>She was blue-screening.The words on her laptop were happening to someone else.Mia was unavailable.Did he want her to say yes?Did she want to say yes?Well, she had already established that she did, a few weeks ago.Could she, though?Mia's mind slowly rebooted and went back to the sensation of his lips pressing against her cheek.Oh.Oh God. </p><p>***</p><p>Mia was taking too long.The seconds were racing by.Felix had made an error, catastrophic and irrevocable.He should just toss his phone in the air and slice it in half with his sharpest sword.<em>I'm not scared, I'm not scared</em>.This was over before it began.Felix had fucked up. </p><p>The bubble that indicated Mia was typing appeared.Felix wound his fingers into his hair and held his breath.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> i was hoping you knew</p><p><b>Felix:</b> shit</p><p><b>Mia:</b> its fine if yes</p><p> </p><p>"What?" Felix barked, out loud.Estoc looked up with a chirp. </p><p><em>'it's fine if yes' </em>Felix stood up and released his hair.His hand curled into a fist and he didn't know what to do with it, or the rest of his body.What.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> should we try yes?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i'm open to that if you are</p><p><b>Felix:</b> yes</p><p><b>Felix:</b> into the deep end</p><p><b>Mia:</b> are you scared?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> no. u?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i'm not scared</p><p> </p><p>Obviously Felix was lying, but it was worth the connection to the song Mia had just sent him, the song that had filled his sleeping brain with emotion and yearning.It was worth it to be able to say, officially, that Mia wanted to date him.He felt a thrill, maybe even a little bit of guilt, letting himself want that.He wondered what Sylvain would say, if Felix told him.When Felix told him.Felix was going to have to tell him.Ingrid, too.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> i do have smwhr 2 go</p><p><b>Felix:</b> a party</p><p> </p><p>Felix did not like the idea of Dimitri meeting Mia, or knowing that Felix had a girlfriend (!!!), but was weighing that against having to be at a party with the Boar and not Mia.He would let Mia make the decision.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> oh cool! when is it?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> 20<sup>th</sup></p><p><b>Mia:</b> oof that's close to christmas</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i've got family stuff then</p><p><b>Felix:</b> right ok thats fine</p><p><b>Mia:</b> sorry</p><p><b>Felix:</b> dw its an ex friend we do not get along</p><p><b>Mia:</b> why are you even going then?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> hes still friends w ingrid nd sylvain</p><p><b>Mia:</b> oh awkward</p><p><b>Felix:</b> y anyway dont worry about it</p><p><b>Felix:</b> its a bad date anyway</p><p><b>Mia:</b> in multiple ways</p><p> </p><p>Felix had to let out a short laugh at that.So, he would have to go alone to the Boar's birthday.Felix would have other, better opportunities to spend time with Mia.Until then, he had two songs to listen to.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wrote this!! Wow! and we're getting nearer to something I've been yearning to write</p><p>Personally I think Ruin is a great name for a cat but I've got questionable taste. Love the idea of Sylvain holding up the remnant scrap of some cat toy being like 'well this has been Ruined'. Considered going with Lance "Ruin" Gautier, but thought that was too on-the-nose. Figured keeping the potato theme as a middle name would be a silly thing Sylvain would do.</p><p>I still don't know how I prefer to write out the time?? do I like to use numeral symbols like 10pm or do i write, 'ten at night' i have done both in the span of an hour, helpless to my own whims</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. entirely guilty by design</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dimitri's birthday :)</p><p>caution: this chapter contains alcohol</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia tried to play it cool.So, she had a boyfriend now.Cool.Lots of people had them.But Mia had never expected to be able to say it, herself.Or to want to, for that matter.She stretched out on her back on her quilt and let her head hang over the side of the bed until her neck hurt.Straightening, her hair fluffed over to one side and Mia rubbed the back of her neck, grinning despite the ache.</p><p>She had felt infinitely guilty for having a prior plan for the twentieth, but Felix seemed only a little bothered.She didn't know if it was the best thing to do, but she decided to suggest they get together on a different date.Felix replied that he wouldn't have much free time until after Boxing Day.Mia sighed.Well, there was Christmas and everything to think about in the meantime. </p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> hang on nyear plan?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> no plan, u?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> nyear at my place</p><p><b>Felix:</b> w my old mans place</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ingrids invitng ppl</p><p><b>Felix: </b>a few friends</p><p><b>Mia:</b> is that her thing? inviting other ppl to your dad's?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> hh its the closest 2 evry1</p><p><b>Mia:</b> location location location</p><p><b>Felix:</b> wnt 2 b invte?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> that's not how u invte some1</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ff would you care to attend the event</p><p><b>Mia:</b> it sounds delightful, yes</p><p><b>Felix:</b> g ill tell ingrid</p><p><b>Felix:</b> 1 sec</p><p> </p><p>Mia waited, fully expecting to be introduced to a chat where she could communicate directly with the trio of friends.She sipped coffee and looked through library books about writing for advice on revision.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> cashed in duel w lonqu on dec30</p><p><b>Felix:</b> he says u can watch</p><p><b>Mia:</b> really? just like that?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> asked if u could record 4 us</p><p><b>Felix:</b> h wnts 2 b n my channel or wever</p><p><b>Mia:</b> sword crush saturday</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> nvrmind</p><p><b>Felix:</b> so u cn watch duel then we drive down 2 party</p><p><b>Felix:</b> stay ovrnight into nye then drive u back on jan1</p><p><b>Felix:</b> or whenvr</p><p><b>Mia:</b> your decisiveness is inspiring</p><p><b>Felix:</b> im t sarcastic 1</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i was being genuine!</p><p><b>Mia:</b> and it sounds good. i want to do this</p><p><b>Felix:</b> g ill finalize duel w lonqu nd get bck 2 u w details</p><p> </p><p>Mia leaned back, suddenly worried that she should have confirmed this with her family before going and saying 'yes' like she was besotted or something.Didn't matter.She was a grownup.Mia probably said that far too often to be actually considered a grownup.But she could buy booze and lottery tickets and that meant she could spend a couple days at her <em>boyfriend's</em> place.It wasn't like either of them would <em>do</em> anything, anyway.</p><p>She went downstairs to find her mom, who was rearranging Christmas decorations for the third time since getting them out.</p><p>"They look fine," Mia insisted.</p><p>"I thought I'd try something different," Mrs. Cecile said."How do you like the garland over the window like this?"</p><p>"I like it," Mia said.</p><p>"I don't," Mrs. Cecile said.</p><p>Mia laughed."So.New Year's is just like every year, right?"Meaning, the three of them, or maybe them plus Mia's brother and his fiancee, would sit and watch movies and play cards until midnight. </p><p>"Yes, but Hurst isn't going to be here this year," Mrs. Cecile told her."I think."</p><p>"I possibly won't either," Mia said, haltingly.She met her mom's eyes."Felix invited me to a thing with his friends.They were all really nice.So I kind of want to go."</p><p>"Oh," Mrs. Cecile said."You'd get to see how Spinach Puff is doing?"</p><p>"Yes," Mia said."Do you mind if I go?"</p><p>"Of course not," Mrs. Cecile said."Do you think you'll have fun?"</p><p>"I do," Mia said.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix was pleased.He was getting better at this, although the phrase 'sword crush saturday' bounced around his head, mystifying him.Mocking him.Teasing him.Was Mia saying that Lon'qu had a crush on him?Absurd.It was already hard enough to believe that Mia liked him.</p><p>But like him she did, because she had agreed to not only New Year's Eve, but also an hour drive with him.Two ways.Spending a night.Felix didn't care much about Christmas, but he was considering all of that to be his present. </p><p>He'd have to get the Boar's party over with first, but after that, it was all going to be good.And Ingrid was glad that he'd invited Mia.</p><p> </p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> thnk god if u didn't invite her i would</p><p><b>Felix:</b> shed prb like ashe</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> ya sure thats why</p><p><b>Felix:</b> evry1 so sarcastic wth</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> u r rubbing off on us</p><p><b>Felix:</b> will u invite ferd</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> hes busy</p><p><b>Felix:</b> o</p><p><b>Felix:</b> sry</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> invited him 4 dinner on my bday tho</p><p><b>Felix:</b> th weekdn?</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> no th monday</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> going out w frnds from ailell</p><p><b>Felix:</b> leonie nd mari?</p><p><b>Ingrid:</b> thats right</p><p><b>Felix:</b> u will enojy it</p><p> </p><p>It was when Felix was getting ready for work that he realized with a start that he was looking forward to New Year's.That hadn't happened in a long while, at least, not to this degree.He obviously was glad whenever he'd made plans with Ingrid and Sylvain, but now he was actually <em>excited</em>, almost like a kid.It was ridiculous.Felix fought to keep it from showing.If he let himself get caught up in this, he'd probably just end up with another fist in his face.</p><p>***</p><p>Mostly, he only had to deal with the Boar's incessant apologies and fussing when he saw him next.Felix waved off his concern, insisting once again that he was fine.After three tries, it managed to stick.</p><p>"I'm keeping my birthday just to close friends," the Boar said as they drove."I thought that would be nicer.But I'm inviting Coach Eisner, too.And Mercedes and Annette."</p><p>"Whatever," Felix said, eyes on the road.</p><p>"I want it to be like old times.We never get to just hang out anymore."</p><p>"Hm."</p><p>"Felix."</p><p>"What," Felix said, irritably.</p><p>The Boar laughed."Promise you'll show up."</p><p>Felix hadn't realized he had a choice about it.Ingrid wouldn't let him get out of this.On the plus side, maybe his old man would lay off for a bit if he knew Felix had gone to darling Dimitri's birthday party.</p><p>"Fine.Do I have to bring anything?"</p><p>"Of course not!I just want to spend time with everyone."</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes.Sometimes talking to Dimitri was like talking to a greeting card.At least he wouldn't have to buy him a gift.Felix didn't even have Christmas presents for his closest friends yet, he'd hate to add to his running around with looking for something the Boar would enjoy.</p><p>"And Dedue," Dimitri said, his smile audible."He's invited, too."</p><p>Well, Dedue had proven himself, but he was so professional that Felix couldn't see him as willing to blur the line between his job and personal life."He accepted?"</p><p>"Yes," Dimitri said.</p><p>"Huh."Felix didn't know much about Dedue, other than that he did not have a criminal past.It was why he liked him.</p><p>"I promise, this will be something you can enjoy," Dimitri said.</p><p>"Why?It's not <em>my</em> fucking birthday."</p><p>"Because you're my friend," Dimitri said, with a laugh. </p><p><em>Ugh</em>.It was going to be a very long night.</p><p>***</p><p>The night of the twentieth was going to be a long one.Thankfully, Felix's black eye was a thing of the past, but that wasn't going to be enough to make him feel comfortable at the Boar's place.Ingrid chatted with Rodrigue about her riding and about Dimitri while Felix stared blankly at his phone, wishing he'd said something to Mia sooner, so that he could have been invited to her family thing and at least been embarrassed in front of total strangers.</p><p>"Are we going, or are you just going to stay here and gossip all night?" Felix asked, gruff.</p><p>His old man shared a look with Ingrid."Don't let me keep you," Rodrigue said.</p><p>They got ready to head out.It wasn't snowy, but it was cold, and there was freezing rain in the forecast.Felix snatched his keys and checked that his phone was in his pocket.</p><p>"Aren't you bringing anything?" Ingrid demanded.</p><p>Felix frowned."What do you mean?"</p><p>She held up a gift bag, pointing to it with an exaggerated flourish of her finger.Her hand sparkled with the ring she'd bought from Mia.</p><p>"He said not to," Felix said.</p><p>"Everyone says that.Nobody means it."</p><p>Felix put his hands in his pockets."He said not to bring anything," he repeated."What could I get him, anyway?He doesn't drink, he's got no sense of taste, he's got enough money to buy anything he <em>does</em> want--"</p><p>"It's about the thought!"Ingrid punched Felix on the arm. </p><p>"He knows what my thoughts are," Felix said, lifting his nose in the air."And he made me promise to go, and I did, so I thought that was good enough."</p><p>Ingrid's sigh was about as exasperated as a sigh could get."Then <em>pretend</em> like you don't hate being there, okay?That's rule one.Rule two is don't start a fight."</p><p>Felix opened the door and gestured for Ingrid to proceed through at her leisure."I don't start fights."</p><p>"Okay, Mister <em>I went to a party for writers and challenged a stranger to a duel,"</em> Ingrid mocked, tweaking his nose as she passed him by.</p><p>"He challenged <em>me</em>," Felix said.He slammed the door shut behind him."And we didn't duel right there."</p><p>"I still think you're an idiot.One of you is going to lose a hand," Ingrid said.</p><p>"We'll be fine.We're both skilled enough that nothing will go wrong," Felix insisted.</p><p>Ingrid snorted, yanking open the passenger door of Felix's car."I hope you lose."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>"Talk to Mia lately?" Ingrid asked.</p><p>Felix had yet to tell her or Sylvain about the development in his and Mia's relationship.He desperately did not want it to come up at Dimitri's party, so he'd found ways to procrastinate sharing it with them.New Year's would be a better time for that, anyway. </p><p>"Just keeping her updated on Spinach Puff, really.Why?"</p><p>Ingrid shrugged."Just thinking that you've got to ask her out.Officially.Anyone who wants to watch you hack at another man with a sword is obviously perfect for you."</p><p>Felix's face went scarlet."Don't be stupid."</p><p>Ingrid just laughed.</p><p>It was going to be a long night, all right.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix had hoped to be the last ones there, beyond the territory of Fashionably Late into the district of Actually Late.He had wished traffic upon himself and tried to stick behind as many buses as possible.It wasn't enough.</p><p>When they got to Dimitri's door, finding it wide open, the only ones there were Dedue and Sylvain. </p><p>"You're early," Ingrid said to the redhead while Felix hovered at the door, warring with his desire to close it and his lack of concern for the Boar's idiocy while he wasn't on the clock.</p><p>"Yeah, it was an accident," Sylvain said."I thought I was half an hour late."</p><p>Dimitri was at the window.He turned from it and grinned like a wolf."That's because the time I gave you was wrong."</p><p>"You've been lying a lot lately," Felix observed, leaving the door. </p><p>"What do you mean?" Dimitri asked, looking like he'd been stabbed in the chest.</p><p>Felix glared at Ingrid."Apparently I was supposed to bring something."</p><p>"Of course you didn't have to!" Dimitri insisted.</p><p>At the same time, Ingrid shoved Felix."You keep getting less tactful, I swear!"</p><p>All Dimitri could do was laugh at that, apparently.Felix rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen island, where he spied a twelve-pack of Moosehead.He grabbed a bottle and sat beside Sylvain on the leather couch.</p><p>"I'm surprised to see you here," Felix said, gesturing towards Dedue with his beer.</p><p>"Mr. Blaiddyd and I had an opportunity to talk after the incident on the fourth," Dedue said, in his deep rumble.</p><p>"Just call me Dimitri," the Boar insisted, in the middle of offering Ingrid something to drink.</p><p>Dedue's mouth curled up at the corners in the barest of smiles."Apologies.Dimitri convinced me not to worry about the impropriety, since you would be in attendance, as well.And I will admit to being curious about his friends."</p><p>"Well," Felix said.He leaned back and drank from his beer, not concerned with the space he was taking up. </p><p>"Dedue's cool," Sylvain said."Did you know he cooks?Mercedes is going to love him.Too bad Ashe can't make it to this."</p><p>"It really isn't anything special," Dedue said.Sylvain flapped his hand, dismissively.</p><p>There was movement down the hall, from the direction of the washroom.A head of pale green hair appeared, and Felix recognized the Boar's new coach.</p><p>"Oh, you need to meet Coach Eisner," Dimitri said, and he laughed when he was corrected.</p><p>"Byleth," the coach said."Or Sweetpea."</p><p>"Sweetpea?" Ingrid repeated.</p><p>"It's a new nickname," Dimitri said, "since they dyed their hair.We used to call them the Professor."</p><p>"Which was ironic, because I can't even read," Byleth said, in a voice so flat you could skate on it.</p><p>Ingrid seemed to need a moment to decide whether that was a joke or not, but Dimitri just burst out laughing again.Felix guzzled his beer.</p><p>"They/them please," Byleth added.</p><p>Now Felix remembered more about them.Byleth was the first non-binary coach in the NHL, which had caused quite a stir at the start of the season.It was surprising that Byleth wasn't the one with the security detail, but unsurprising that they'd been invited to Dimitri's party. </p><p>Mercedes and Annette arrived shortly after.Felix was already on his second beer, but most of the attention was on Byleth, so he was starting to think that perhaps he could relax.Mercedes sat on his other side after she had put her cake on the counter, and Annette took a chair. </p><p>"So, Felix, what's new in your life?" Mercedes asked sweetly.</p><p>He knew she was just being polite.He knew she wasn't trying to get him to talk about Mia.But Felix felt a twinge of resentment nonetheless.</p><p>"Just the cats," he said, more brusque than he had intended. </p><p>"Yes, I still want to see your new cat," Dimitri said."And Sylvain's, too."</p><p>"Ruin's too shy for new people," Sylvain said."I've been, heh," he trailed off.</p><p>"He's taking a break from relationships," Mercedes finished for him.</p><p>Felix looked at Sylvain in surprise."Are you kidding?"</p><p>"No, I--I thought it wouldn't be nice, him having to hear that," Sylvain admitted, rubbing the back of his neck."Don't make fun of me!"</p><p>"You should've gotten a cat years ago," Felix said.</p><p>Ingrid groaned."I can't believe you!The walls in our dorms were so thin, I complained to you every single day, and you didn't 'take a break from relationships' for me!"</p><p>"I was young and stupid," Sylvain said."You have my sincerest apologies, fair lady, for the distress I have caused you."</p><p>"Yeah, I doubt that," Ingrid drawled."But you still are.Young and stupid."</p><p>"And hot as fuck," Sylvain added.</p><p>Ingrid reached behind her for a throw pillow and used it as the name suggested. </p><p>"I should get a cat," Dimitri said, like the bickering was just a backdrop to the main focus of the conversation.</p><p>"Oh, hey, Mia's still got two cats, doesn't she, Felix?"</p><p>Felix tightened his grip on his beer."Maybe."</p><p>"Mia?" Dimitri asked.</p><p>"That's Felix's girlf--" Sylvain was cut short by Felix smacking him on the back of the head. </p><p>"Shut up," Felix spat. </p><p>Dimitri had heard enough to go all wide-eyed."Really?You have a girlfriend?"</p><p>"No," Felix said.He got up to get another beer and felt the Boar's eyes on him all the while.</p><p>"Oh.Then who--"</p><p>"Mia's the one who makes jewellery," Mercedes said."She made this ring here!Annette, did you wear yours?"</p><p>Annette checked her hand, as if she would have put a ring on completely unconsciously."No!I forgot it!I was in such a hurry just to get here that I forgot!"</p><p>"That's fine," Mercedes said, her eyes crinkling in a smile.</p><p>"Interesting," Byleth said."May I see?"</p><p>There was a diversion, as Mercedes and Ingrid both showed off their rings to Byleth.Felix stayed at the kitchen counter, sipping steadily on his third beer.</p><p>"So the girl who makes these also has cats?" Dimitri asked, helpless.</p><p>"Obviously," Felix grumbled.</p><p>Sylvain launched into a description of Mia, and the farm on which she lived, and the cats."She's such a cutie!If not for my new little roommate I'd be trying to bring her home every night.She's so mean, though.She's like girl-Felix, which is super hot."</p><p>"Shut up," Felix breathed.He tipped back his beer.</p><p>"Sylvain, grow up," Ingrid said, while Dedue shook his head and commented that such remarks were hardly appropriate or necessary.Felix waffled back to liking Dedue.</p><p>"Are the other cats striped like yours and Felix's?" Dimitri asked."Do you have pictures?"</p><p>"Felix probably does," Sylvain said, looking directly at him.Felix felt his face getting hot and blamed the beer. </p><p>Dimitri whipped his head around."Do you?"</p><p>"No," Felix said."She doesn't want someone like you taking one of her cats, anyway."</p><p>"Felix!" Ingrid hissed.</p><p>He felt his lip twitch and turned away, nursing his beer. </p><p>"How much have you had already?Aren't you driving us back?" Ingrid demanded.</p><p>"I'm fine, we still have to eat," Felix said."And I only meant that he's always away.That's what he said, himself."</p><p>Dimitri nodded, and Ingrid flattened her hackles a bit.Felix wondered if maybe he had already crossed a line, then spied a bottle of rye.No, three beers was nothing. </p><p>"Okay," Ingrid said.She sounded a little skeptical, but otherwise calmed.</p><p>The conversation drifted away from cats and from Mia, but Felix stayed in the kitchen.He was pissed at Sylvain, for talking about Mia like that with the clear intention of making Felix react.He was pissed at himself, too, for not being able to relax, for being incapable of looking at the Boar, at <em>Dimitri</em>, without trying to find some excuse to be angry.</p><p>At last, the takeout arrived and the group could distract themselves from conversation by dividing it up.</p><p>"This one is supposed to be spicy," Dimitri said, pushing a plastic container of noodles closer, just using his fingertips.</p><p>"Thanks," Felix grunted. </p><p>"Sweetpea, you want me to top up your coke?" Sylvain asked.</p><p>Dimitri fidgeted."That was the last of the bottle.There's just cans of Pepsi left now."</p><p>"Pour one on top," Byleth said.</p><p>Sylvain grinned."Love wins."</p><p>"Idiot," Felix scoffed.</p><p>"Love wins," Byleth agreed, holding their glass out to Sylvain.</p><p>Dedue moved next to Felix to take some of the spicy noodles."You enjoy spicy foods?Do you cook?"</p><p>"Barely," Felix said.</p><p>"I have some easy recipes, if you would be interested."Dedue did not look up from his plate, which suited Felix.</p><p>"Sure," Felix said."Uh.Thanks."</p><p>"I can send them to you.I was also curious if you had any plants for your cats."</p><p>Felix felt himself relax a little, and noticed that while Dimitri was obviously listening in, he wasn't fixing them with his blue stare. </p><p>"We just have fake plants," Felix said."I don't know how they got there."</p><p>"I see," Dedue said, and came close to chuckling.</p><p>Felix got another beer, then took his plate and sat down.Dedue followed him.</p><p>"Do you have any cats?" Felix asked.</p><p>Dedue shook his head."I have too many plants that would be dangerous for them."</p><p>Felix listened to Dedue talk about his plants, which was boring, but better than other topics.The others joined them in sitting down and Dimitri asked about edible plants.He listened, apparently fascinated, when Dedue described the ways one could eat dandelions.</p><p>"I still don't recommend just taking them off of public property," Dedue cautioned."You don't know what they might have been sprayed with."</p><p>Dimitri pouted and Felix bit back a remark. </p><p>Sylvain poured shots and they drank to Dimitri.Felix decided that probably it would be fine if Ingrid drove them back.He was starting to relax for real.They all ate, and <em>most</em> of them sang when the candles on the cake were lit.Felix leaned back on the couch, feeling loose and unconcerned.Yeah, he could have a good time.He shook his head when Byleth passed a plate of cake to him.</p><p>"Come on," Sylvain said, draping an arm over Felix's shoulders."Mercedes baked it!"</p><p>"She knows I don't eat sweet things," Felix said.</p><p>Sylvain laughed."We'll find something someday that changes your mind."He winked and whatever his point was went over Felix's head.</p><p>Dimitri was talking to Dedue about gyms and workout and equipment.Felix watched the two of them, feeling something but finding himself unable to identify it.He saw that Annette was getting up for another drink and asked her to top up his, as well.She returned, handing him his rye with a glance in Ingrid's direction.</p><p>"I guess I'll drive," Ingrid sighed."Don't worry about it, Annette."Felix was mystified by the exchange. </p><p>Byleth asked the group what kind of workouts they did.Sylvain was incapable of calling the coach anything other than Sweetpea.He told Byleth about his own routine and Felix's obsession with swords.</p><p>"I'm not obsessed," Felix declared. </p><p>"You're having a duel with a man," Ingrid snorted.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes and it made him a little unsteady."<em>He's</em> obsessed.I am.An enthusiast."</p><p>"Will we get to see it?" Dimitri asked.</p><p>Felix leaned forward, holding his glass in both hands."I asked--someone to record it.So yes.I asked someone to record it.It's going--on my gram thing.Online."</p><p>"Who did you ask?" Sylvain had his hand on Felix's shoulder, like he could suck the answer out through magic.</p><p>"Not your business.I'm not telling you," Felix said."A camera person."</p><p>"You'll have to share this video with me," Byleth said to Dimitri.To the group, they said, "I don't know much about swordplay, but the captain of the women's team I used to coach also did axe throwing."</p><p>"One of my friends does that, too," Ingrid piped up.</p><p>Felix looked at her."Who?Leonie?"</p><p>Ingrid laughed."No, Hilda."</p><p>"Hilda?With the pink hair?She can throw a fucking axe?"</p><p>"She can also crush a pumpkin with her thighs," Ingrid said, and Felix scoffed.Pink hair girl was the laziest.She did not crush anything if it meant sweating.</p><p>Sylvain drank to that."Hell yeah.Didn't all you girls have like, a competition last fall?"</p><p>"It wasn't a competition, we were just messing around!" Ingrid went red."Pumpkins were basically free after Hallowe'en."</p><p>"That sounds fun," Byleth said, blankly."I'd like to try that."</p><p>"So would I," Dimitri agreed.</p><p>Felix snorted."Isn't that a little tame for you?You wouldn't rather crush someone's ribcage or--"</p><p>"Felix!" Ingrid hissed.</p><p>"Did you tell them about the time you snapped that guy's wrist?" Felix asked Dimitri, voice loud. </p><p>"Hey, man," Sylvain warned, his eyes getting wide.</p><p>Felix went on."How many bones in his hand ended up like, <em>shattered?"</em></p><p>"Felix," Ingrid growled. </p><p>Dimitri was staring at Felix, his expression hunted. </p><p>"<em>Well?"</em> Felix demanded.</p><p>"Fourteen," Dimitri breathed.</p><p>Felix knocked back the rest of his drink."Fucking Hell."He stood up, heading to the kitchen himself for a refill.When he turned around, the Boar was right there.Felix jumped and sloshed rye all over his hand.He tried to lick it before it dribbled onto the floor, glaring at the Boar all the while.</p><p>"If you think that doesn't haunt me, every night--"</p><p>"Stop it.You're always being 'haunted'," Felix snarled.</p><p>"I'm getting it under control," Dimitri whispered.He looked urgent, eyes wild and open and earnest.</p><p>Felix had a gulp."Really?Explain the concession--concussions--the number of the concussions that you gave people.This season."</p><p>"It's part of--"</p><p>"Okay, Cherry."</p><p>The Boar stepped back, taking in Felix, who was leaning back on the counter like he was having a casual, good time.</p><p>"Please, can we do this another time, when you're sober, when it isn't my birthday," the Boar begged.</p><p>"I'm not doing anything," Felix announced."Just trying to have a good time.Just--enjoying my self.Lighten up, Boar."</p><p>He refilled his mostly spilled drink--that was why it was so empty, wasn't it--and pushed past the Boar to the rest of the party.They eyed him, but they'd all been acting odd.The conversation had cycled around to Annette's videos, which Felix could appreciate.She was bashful, though, insisting that she was beyond embarrassed that they all had seen them.</p><p>"I fucking love every song you post," Felix said.</p><p>"Yeah," Sylvain agreed."We all love you.Never stop making those, okay?"</p><p>"I don't even know why I started," Annette said, covering her face with her hands and shrinking into her chair."I thought I'd be anonymous but all of you know it's me!"</p><p>"We should do karaoke," Byleth suggested."If we all sang, maybe you'd feel more courage about it."</p><p>"I love that idea, Sweetpea," Sylvain said with a wink.</p><p>"Maybe," Annette said. </p><p>Dimitri laughed as he returned to his chair.He was always laughing.The sound grated on Felix's nerves.</p><p>"It's a shit idea," Felix said.</p><p>"Felix!" Ingrid jabbed him in the ribs.</p><p>"I'm not singing!"</p><p>"We don't have to do it tonight," Dimitri said."But it sounds like fun."</p><p>"I don't want to hear <em>you</em> sing, either," Felix slurred.</p><p>"We can look up places nearby," Mercedes suggested."I think it would be a great way to relax after the holidays!"</p><p>Felix snorted, but no one cared what he thought, so they went on planning.</p><p>"I love this," Dimitri said."It's like it used to be."</p><p>"It's never going to be," Felix spat.</p><p>Silence dropped over the group, suspending them for a moment.Felix couldn't look at anyone, so he stared at his drink in his hand. </p><p>Byleth took just that moment to raise their Pepsi and say, "Well, here's to the new times and new good memories."</p><p>Everyone drank, and settled, but Felix felt as if he was trapped here.He wanted to claw his way out of the unhappiness he was feeling.He wondered what kind of time Mia was having.He wondered if she wished he was there as much as he did. </p><p>"Can you just let him talk without being an ass?" Ingrid asked, her voice low in his ear.</p><p>Felix put both hands around his glass."I don't want to be here," he muttered.</p><p>It wasn't quiet enough.</p><p>"Felix, I'm sorry," Dimitri said."I only wanted--"</p><p>"I wasn't <em>talking</em> to you," Felix snapped, lurching to his feet."Why did you <em>make me</em> promise to come here?Why can't you get that we're not <em>friends</em> anymore and--and we're not--we're aren't <em>going</em> to be?"A dim, stupid part of Felix's brain was screaming that he was not supposed to say these things.It was suggesting that Felix was the animal, not Dimitri.Felix was the one who growled and swore because he was too out of control to just lie and fake a smile.And despite it all, Dimitri still thought they were friends.He still got that stupid, fond look on his face. </p><p>"Felix, you'll always be my friend," Dimitri's voice was sad.</p><p>"We're not even <em>the same people</em> anymore!"Felix didn't know when he had started shouting."You don't know me!Or you wouldn't want me here!"</p><p>"That's not true," Dimitri murmured.</p><p>"No one wants me here!"Felix couldn't even blame them."None of you!I'm <em>not</em> like you!"</p><p>"Felix--"</p><p>"Shut up," Felix said.</p><p>"You're way too drunk," Ingrid said, "you don't mean any of this."</p><p>"What do you even care."Felix wandered away from the group.His eyes were doing a thing--shit, he was going to cry. </p><p>"Perhaps you would like someone to drive you home," Dedue said gently. </p><p>Felix rubbed his hand over his face."I'm not some crybaby.Stop talking to me like I'm the crybaby!"</p><p>"Felix," Sylvain said."I'll drive you back, okay?You want to go home, right?"</p><p>"Shut up," Felix said, his voice going all high from trying to not cry.</p><p>When they were little kids Felix had been the one who cried at every birthday party and sleepover and had to have his father come and drive him home.Nothing had changed in all that time.He hated it, hated himself. </p><p>"Give your keys to Ingrid, okay?" Sylvain said, getting up and extending his hand.Felix jammed his hand into his pocket and withdrew his keys, slamming them into Sylvain's palm. </p><p>"Let's go, buddy," Sylvain said.Felix swore at him.He didn't need any of this 'buddy' shit right now.He didn't want to be coddled, he realized.He wanted someone to just <em>fight</em>.</p><p>Sylvain got both of their coats and guided Felix into the hall with one hand on his upper back.There, Felix felt most of his anger fizzle out of him.He leaned on Sylvain, struggling not to cry into his friend's sleeve like he was six.</p><p>"For the record," Sylvain said while they stood in the elevator, "we all wanted you there."</p><p>"You all hate me," Felix muttered into the back of his hand. </p><p>"You'd have to try harder than that," Sylvain said.The elevator lurched and Felix felt sick."I should know.I'm the expert when it comes to self-sabotage."</p><p>"You're perfect," Felix said.</p><p>"Yeah, perfect disaster," Sylvain laughed.Felix pressed his forehead into Sylvain's arm and squeezed his eyes shut, desperate for the moment the elevator would stop moving.</p><p>Sylvain patted Felix's head."This isn't just about Dimitri, is it?"</p><p>"Shut--why does it matter?"</p><p>"This may come as a surprise to you, but, uhh, because your feelings matter?"</p><p>The elevator came to a stop and Felix stumbled.Only Sylvain's grip kept him from falling forward.They walked out, into the very cold night air.It made Felix sob, just once.</p><p>"We'll go to my place," Sylvain offered.Felix shrugged.He didn't care.He wouldn't mind just wandering the icy streets.They made their way to Sylvain's SUV, which Sylvain must have started from Dimitri's condo, because it was toasty and warm.Felix crawled into it and tried to hide his face in his arms.</p><p>Sylvain got in, too."So what was it really about?"</p><p>Felix swallowed."I--I don't know.I'm just--scared--I don't--know."</p><p>"It's all right," Sylvain promised."It's okay to be scared."</p><p>It wasn't.Felix didn't even know what he was scared of.He didn't know why he couldn't just shut up and be like everyone else.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Byleth canonically is only ever referred to with they/them pronouns except by the Death Knight so I'm sticking with that. I have never written a nonbinary character so if I make a few errors please tell me!<br/>I have named masc!Byleth Sweetpea every time I've chosen them, so I wanted to keep that. If you are bored or drunk I recommend entertaining yourself with this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ice_hockey_nicknames </p><p>for better or worse this chapter is what happens when i let myself listen to masterpiece theatre on repeat. like "careful follow my instruction and i will show you self-destruction" um excuse me? i love the drama. all i wanted was for Felix to get shitfaced and make an ass of himself. had to rearrange all kinds of stuff because i accidentally let Sweetpea resolve everything and i require Tension atm</p><p>also. i realized like 20 chapters too late that mia's brother's name I picked at random after 2 seconds with a name-book sounded acceptable because it's literally 2 letters away from Hilda's brother's name. just. embracing it. Hurst and Holst should have an offscreen fistfight</p><p>i KNOW i'm dragging out the Dimitri/Felix backstory and not telling anyone what's going on but it's getting clearer it should all come together soon? i think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. somebody's got to tell me what to do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>overthinking and yet, somehow, still underthinking</p><p>today. I will appreciate Sylvain</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bed Felix woke up in was not his own.His head hurt.Estoc was not biting or suffocating him, and he could not even smell her.Groaning, Felix sat up and noticed he was in last night's clothes.He looked around and saw Sylvain's welcoming decor, splashes of colourful artwork on the walls and furniture in warm wood tones.</p><p>Sylvain was beside him, in sweatpants and a t-shirt, still asleep.Felix groaned again and swung his legs over the side of the bed.He saw his phone on the nightstand and checked the time.It was 8am.</p><p>There were several messages that he had missed.Felix saw that Ingrid had given him a rant that included several walls of text.Dimitri had sent an apology.Mercedes had asked him how he was doing. </p><p>With no answer to any of that, Felix got up and tried to decide how badly hungover he was.He felt low, but not like throwing up.So it was a win.</p><p>Enjoying that lie, Felix went to the washroom for water and to find something for his headache.So that he wouldn't disturb Sylvain, his next stop was the kitchen.There was a single-serve coffee machine on the counter, mostly unused, but it was good enough for Felix.He filled it and turned it on, leaning on the counter and holding his head while the water heated up.</p><p>"How are you awake?" Sylvain appeared, barefoot, in the hall.He was rubbing his eyes and yawning.</p><p>"You should've left me on the couch," Felix grunted.</p><p>Sylvain shook his head."Ruined.Remember?"</p><p>"I just hope your sheets were clean."</p><p>"Hey," Sylvain protested, "I'm taking a break from sex, remember?"</p><p>"Oh.Right."Felix turned his attention back to the coffee maker.Sylvain got to work making tea for himself.</p><p>When that was done, he opened a cabinet and pulled out a bucket with a lid."Kibblies!Kibblies for Ruin!"He shook the bucket and there was a thump from somewhere deep in the apartment.</p><p>"That's right, kibbly time!Who's my little boy?"</p><p>Ruin <em>clomped</em> down the hall and skidded to a stop in front of his dish.Felix froze, and so did the cat when he realized there was another human in his space.Ruin's eyes got huge and he stared unblinking at Felix.</p><p>"Kibblies for Ruin," Sylvain said, quieter.He leaned down and poured the kibble into Ruin's dish.Ruin snapped out of his panic and began crunching away.Sylvain beamed down at the cat.</p><p>Felix didn't comment, not on Sylvain's goofy baby-talk or the maturity his friend was showing by patiently trying to earn his cat's trust.He put a pod into the coffee machine and though Ruin flinched when coffee started gurgling into Felix's chosen cup, the cat did not run away.</p><p>When Ruin was done eating, he fled to the shredded couch and began the intensive task of grooming.</p><p>"So," Felix said.</p><p>"Ha ha, normally there's no one else here when I feed him," Sylvain said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck."You don't have to say anything."</p><p>"How are you feeling," Felix asked."I mean.Since taking your break."</p><p>"Good.I think.I mean, I'm not self-destructing <em>and</em> I'm taking care of Ruin, so I feel kind of decent."</p><p>"Good," Felix said.He dropped the used coffee pod into the box Sylvain had set up on his counter, and blew on his drink to cool it. </p><p>"How are you feeling?"</p><p>Felix grimaced."Bad."</p><p>"Listen, I'm sorry about teasing you last night.I should've held back."Sylvain's fingers danced over three separate boxes of different Earl Grey.</p><p>"I wouldn't even have been bothered by that," Felix admitted, looking into the steam rising from his mug."But, I, uh.I didn't want to say anything before, because I didn't want.Him.To know.But I asked Mia if, well, if what we were doing," Felix inhaled, exhaled, "was dating.And now we are."</p><p>Sylvain blinked."You asked her?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"That must have been terrifying.I don't think you've <em>ever</em> asked anyone out.Congrats."</p><p>"I haven't," Felix said, voice small.He hunched his shoulders.</p><p>Sylvain laughed awkwardly."Now I'm more sorry, though."</p><p>"Don't be, it's my fault for not telling you."</p><p>"So is that what your tantrum was about?" Sylvain asked, picking the yellow box of Earl Grey.</p><p>Felix groaned."Don't call it that.And I don't know, I still don't know.Maybe I'm just stressed out.Everything with--Dimitri--and now Mia, and it's all changing and I'm just waiting for her to realize I'm <em>me</em>."</p><p>"You're great," Sylvain insisted."But Dimitri's really worried about you.You've gotta make things better."</p><p>Felix swallowed, and nodded. </p><p>"No pushing people away," Sylvain said.</p><p>"I'll try," Felix whispered.</p><p>***</p><p>Sylvain drove him home after they'd eaten breakfast.Ingrid leapt up from the couch and Felix curled his shoulders, bracing for a harsh lecture.</p><p>"Why do you have to be like this," she said, giving him a punch on the arm.Then, she hugged him."We all like you, Felix.You don't have to be scared about that."</p><p>Felix let her hold onto him as long as she deemed necessary.He guessed this meant that Sylvain had been texting her or talking to her about his meltdown, because he remembered saying something about being scared.He remembered yelling a lot at Dimitri, too.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Felix said.</p><p>Finally, Ingrid let go."Tell that to Dimitri."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"So?Will you call him?"</p><p>Felix stepped back and looked away."I need to think about what to say."</p><p>This placated Ingrid.Thankfully, she hadn't said much to Rodrigue about the night before, but he still knew that Felix had been drinking and gone home early with Sylvain. </p><p>"I thought you should work it out with Dimitri before it started affecting your job," Ingrid explained.Felix was grateful, but he doubted he could be fired.Still, it was better if his old man didn't know the extent of the damage Felix had caused the night before.</p><p>Ingrid and Sylvain hung around into the afternoon, and Felix pretended to relax and think about what he would say to Dimitri.They both left after lunch, alternating between reminding him that they all liked him and that he needed to make an apology, and soon.Felix nodded and sent them off, then retreated to his bedroom, where he sat for a bit, just thinking.</p><p>It was hard to quantify exactly why he'd flipped out on Dimitri.There were numerous little reasons, Felix supposed.There were always numerous little reasons.He overthought and his mind went back to Glenn, as it tended to.</p><p>This time, something made him put on the music the two of them had used to listen to.He sat on the bed and turned up the volume on <em>Masterpiece Theatre</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>First it comes on quiet, creeping slow</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mia had sent him a simple message that morning, just asking him how the birthday party had gone. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Clever words and phrases only stain</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I remain so lost and buried under everything that I need</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When all I want is you</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It felt like a different song from the one he'd listened to with Glenn.This was not good, this was not what Felix had been expecting to feel.He didn't want to worry Mia, but he had no idea how to reply to her.He opened his last conversation with Dimitri, instead.It was all apologies, which irked Felix for some reason.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I've been here so very long</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And every word is calculated</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Never questioned or debated</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All these practiced poses</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I could wreck it if i had to</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I'm the wreck so what would that do?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My masterpiece will fall apart</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was over before the start</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Felix didn't want to call.He sent a quick text, a brief 'i shouldnt have said those things'.Felix's phone instantly buzzed with an incoming call from Dimitri.Felix had no choice but to turn down his music and answer it.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Felix.It's all right."Dimitri sounded breathy and scared."I know you didn't mean what you said."</p><p>Felix bit his lip hard and hung his head."Okay, good."</p><p>"Are you all right?"</p><p>"Fine," Felix lied.As an afterthought, he added, "Are you?"</p><p>"Of course," Dimitri said.</p><p>"I wrecked your party," Felix said.</p><p>"You didn't.It's fine.It wasn't the first time that you've had to leave early," Dimitri said, and he sounded calmer.</p><p>Felix winced."Right.Everything's fine, then?"</p><p>"Yes, if it's all fine with you."</p><p>This was going better than Felix had expected.He hadn't lashed out yet.Maybe he had had his fill of that for a while."Yeah.Good.I'll see you Thursday."</p><p>"Good!Thank you, Felix," Dimitri said.</p><p>"Mhm."</p><p>"Before you go--if you want to talk, I mean, I would rather do it face to face, but--"</p><p>Felix exhaled between his teeth."There's no need."</p><p>"Okay," Dimitri said."Are you sure?"</p><p>"Yeah."Felix should have been grateful for the offer, and the chance to try and make his feelings known.But he was feeling a lot at the moment, and didn't want to make things even worse.</p><p>"I'm sorry you didn't have a good time."</p><p>"Don't worry about that," Felix said."I'll see you Thursday."</p><p>"All right, Felix.I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to."</p><p>It was a ridiculous offer.Felix thanked him, guilt burning at his chest.They said goodbye and Felix hung up before Dimitri could say anything more. </p><p>Felix realized that he had failed to say 'sorry' once in that whole conversation.</p><p>He turned his music back up and got his katana down from his wall, peeled off his shirt, and tried to prepare for this duel with Lon'qu.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I don't wanna be</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The bad guy</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've been blaming myself and I think you know why</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm killing time</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And time's killing you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Every way that I do</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Felix stumbled.He corrected his posture and tried the thrust again.Better.He forced his muscles to do what he wanted, to not lose control.Picturing a tall opponent that looked more like Dimitri than how he remembered Lon'qu, Felix began a sequence of swings and thrusts.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>This isn't what</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wanted but</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can't keep my filthy fucking mouth shut</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was hard to get into the rhythm today.Felix struggled to focus on his blade.If he screwed things up with Dimitri, he would let everyone down--his father, his friends, and himself.He was <em>better</em> than this.Felix was supposed to be able to control himself, that was the difference between him and Dimitri. </p><p>What was he supposed to do?This wasn't over, nor would it ever be.Felix had let everything get so tangled up and blown out of proportion that he didn't think he'd be able to see Dimitri as a friend ever again.He'd changed--they had <em>both</em> changed, and still were--so much.Felix didn't know what he was becoming, couldn't predict it or even come up with a goal of who he wanted to be.</p><p>The third song was the one Mia had been singing when they'd first met.Felix grunted and continued swinging his sword.He was going to have to answer her, somehow.He could lie, tell her that it was all fine and he was fine and nothing was eating him up alive.Or, he could tell her the truth, that he'd decided to just get drunk and then throw a tantrum.Did honesty count towards pushing people away?Felix growled.His muscles were starting to burn.His skin was feeling sticky and hot, but he didn't slow down his practice. </p><p>It would be stupid to make his identity decision based on how he wanted Mia to see him.He had to be who he wanted.Felix tried to ignore the part of his brain that was telling him he would just let Mia down if he tried to make her happy, anyway.</p><p>The fourth song on the album was <em>Beside You</em>, and it didn't have as quick a tempo as the previous two.Felix slowed his movements, using it as a breather but not stopping.He paid attention to how air filled his chest every time he inhaled, how a slight change in the angle of his wrist affected the direction the point of his blade faced. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And I'm just trying to keep it together</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Cause I could do worse and you could do better</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Felix dropped his sword on the rug and lay facedown on the bed.</p><p>***</p><p>Mia kept checking her messages through the morning and into afternoon, but Felix was taking his time to reply.She hoped that he was just busy, but he usually responded quicker and he had not seemed at all optimistic about his ex-friend's party.It made it hard not to worry.Mia filled the time while she waited by baking cookies with her mom and listening to Dean Martin blaring from the CD Player.</p><p>After coffee and baked treats, Mia retreated to her room.There was still no reply.She considered asking Sylvain how things had gone, but felt like that would be going behind Felix's back.If she hadn't gotten a reply by the next evening, though, she would check in with Sylvain. </p><p>It wasn't necessary.When she opened her laptop the next morning, she saw that he had answered her at one in the morning.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> how did ur party go? doing ok?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> was a disaster</p><p><b>Mia:</b> oh no! do you want to talk about it?</p><p> </p><p>Felix didn't reply immediately.Mia continued making lists of things that revising a story involved, because she didn't want to actually start revising.His answer came later in the afternoon.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> no</p><p><b>Mia:</b> ok</p><p><b>Felix:</b> am i supposed to get you somthign for xmas</p><p><b>Mia:</b> no i didn't think we were doing gifts</p><p><b>Felix:</b> do u mean that</p><p><b>Mia:</b> there wasn't any notice i don't have anything for u</p><p><b>Felix:</b> you sing</p><p><b>Mia:</b> that's different</p><p><b>Felix:</b> how</p><p> </p><p>Mia didn't know how.She told him so.But she really was not ready to try and pick something out for him.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> please say you didn't get me something</p><p><b>Felix:</b> no</p><p><b>Felix:</b> but im told people are liars</p><p><b>Mia:</b> not a lie and you have proof that i said all this</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ill trust u</p><p><b>Mia:</b> ty</p><p><b>Mia:</b> are u preparing for ur duel?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> y</p><p><b>Mia:</b> u will destroy him</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ha ty i better get back 2 training then</p><p><b>Mia:</b> u got this</p><p> </p><p>It did not take much for Mia to guess that Felix had not gotten a gift for his ex-friend.Why that should have made the party a 'disaster', she was less sure.Hopefully it meant that he'd simply not had a good time, not that anything really serious had happened.She hoped that focussing on the duel was the right way to deal with whatever it was.She hoped that Felix would be feeling better on the thirtieth.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>these last two chapters i had to rewrite significant segments of. i'm happier with this now but i will admit. i have no idea what i'm doing with this whole Dimitri scenario. i'm just hoping it will all become clear to me at exactly the right time.</p><p>the time inconsistency dilemma continues! how will the exciting saga conclude?</p><p>all of the lyrics are from songs off 'Masterpiece Theatre', including the title.</p><p>Edit: wait! 25 chapters!! So we're 1/4 of the way to the end!! asjghfdjh Kidding, I Hope!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. save me, oh save me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>'..it's unreal, the suffering<br/>there's gonna be a showdown'</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were many questions Mia had about making one's way through life.For example, 'how does one get the courage to attain success?' or 'how do you sign off an e-mail?' or even 'if I lived on my own, how would I decide what to eat for dinner every night?'</p><p>She never thought that she'd be asking 'what does one wear to watch a duel?'</p><p>It was going to be held in the basement of Chrom's family home, because it was too cold outside and at least there would be enough space.Although, perhaps the strongest rationale for Chrom hosting was because his and Lissa's older sister was a doctor with experience in reattaching fingers.</p><p>Because of all that, Mia was opting for casual.She'd save her better clothes for the countdown.She got on her comfy blue jeans and a simple long sleeved t-shirt, and put the clothes she would need for the weekend in the bag she usually used for travelling to the cottage.There was no point in bringing her laptop, but Mia picked a notebook just in case she had any splendid ideas while driving or being unable to sleep in a strange place.</p><p>She hoisted her bag and went downstairs.Her mom asked if she was all set to go.</p><p>"Just need the phone and for my ride to get here," Mia said.She put her bag down by the stairs and found the flip-phone and its charger by the landline.Mia gathered them and packed them away in her purse and bag, respectively. </p><p>"Are you excited?" Mrs. Cecile asked.</p><p>"Yeah," Mia said, lying on the loveseat on her back.Her mom leaned over from the chair, still holding her 3DS. </p><p>"So you do all your talking over the Internet," Mrs. Cecile mused.</p><p>Mia nodded."I don't think either of us like talking on the phone.Him even less than me."It suited her fine.Mia hated dialling phone numbers, and also sitting awkwardly in the kitchen talking to <em>anyone</em>.It would be even weirder doing that with Felix on the other end, considering he wasn't even very talkative in person.</p><p>"Well, that's good," Mrs. Cecile said.They'd already talked about the impending duel, and whether or not this was a regular occurrence for Felix, and so Mia was left to silently wait.</p><p>Felix hadn't been very chatty that week, but he had sent several clips of how his training was going.It seemed like he was slowly putting whatever had happened at that birthday party behind him, though he wasn't talking about it.That was probably for the best.Mia had no idea how to support or offer advice about relationships when she really only had friends among the Shepherds.</p><p>Still, she would try her best if he ever did feel like talking about anything like that.It was really all anyone could do.</p><p>Her dad came in from giving water to the sheep.He poured himself a coffee and told them all about the farm up the road.There was often farm drama.It happened when brothers had to work together, and one of them was a 'good person' with a heart of coal.</p><p>Mia tuned most of it out, until finally a car crunched down the gravel driveway.She jumped up and moved her stuff closer to the door.</p><p>"So you're going straight from this swordfight thing to this guy's house?" Mr. Cecile asked.</p><p>"I think that's the plan," Mia said.Her parents got up and went with her to the entryway.</p><p>Felix got out of the car and came to the door.Mia hurried down the steps to open it for him.</p><p>"Hi," she said.</p><p>"Are you ready to go?" Felix asked.</p><p>For a moment, Mia was taken aback by the absolute lack of a greeting.He had been the one to ask <em>her</em> if what they were doing was dating, the one to kiss <em>her</em> on the cheek and hold her hand through an entire movie.But then Mia noticed the way that Felix bounced on his feet and flexed the fingers of his right hand.He was <em>thirsting</em> for his duel.</p><p>"Pretty much," Mia said, and grinned."Let me just get my squares out of the fridge and I'll have everything."</p><p>"What, you baked?" Felix said, like she'd just admitted to being the ringleader of a gang that stole flatscreen tvs.</p><p>"I thought I should bring something," Mia said with a shrug."Oh right, I've got something else, too."</p><p>"Mercedes always bakes stuff," Felix called after Mia while she got her granola squares out of the fridge and plucked the gift bag of wine off the dining room table.</p><p>"No one will complain about there being extra baked goods," Mia said.</p><p>Felix snorted."You don't know me."His eyes found the gift bag in her hand and he scowled."What's that for?"</p><p>"For your dad," Mia said."Because I'm staying the night.It's polite."</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>"Wine.Something with a dumb fancy name.<em>Beaujolais,</em> I think," Mia said.</p><p>"I like a nice Beaujolais," Felix protested.</p><p>Mia rolled her eyes, because he was rich, of course he'd know the difference between wines.She handed him the gift bag and plastic container of squares. </p><p>"I guess it's good you remembered about getting a gift," Felix admitted."My father's a stickler for shit like that."</p><p>"Lucky me," Mia said.</p><p>Mr. Cecile cleared his throat."So you're ready for your swordfight?"</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said.</p><p>"How do you get into a hobby like that?Or are you an assassin or something?"</p><p>Mia threw her head back, because apparently the apple did not fall far from the tree.How many times had she wondered the exact same thing?</p><p>"If I were an assassin, why would I use an obsolete long weapon designed for close-range fighting and not a mass-produced boning knife or I don't know, a <em>gun</em>?"Felix said this irritably, like it was something everyone should have devoted as much thought to."I wouldn't want to be easily recognized or traced."</p><p>"This is a delightful conversation," Mia said, "perfect for when I head off for the weekend with you."</p><p>Felix looked away."I'm not an assassin," he said.</p><p>"Great!"Mia got on her winter boots and coat, then hugged her mom and dad.They said goodbye, and wished her a good time, and Mia hoisted her bag over her shoulder, and plucked her purse from its hook.Ready to go.</p><p>Outside, Felix gathered the gift bag and food container in one hand."Sorry.I guess I could've been.Nicer."</p><p>"You're really excited about this duel, aren't you?"</p><p>"I think so," Felix admitted."Um."He opened the back door and Mia saw a sword was lying across the seats.It had a very intricate, ornamental handle.</p><p>Mia passed him her bag and he crowded it and his own handful of stuff onto the floor behind the driver's seat.It almost made her laugh, that the floor was good enough for her things but the sword got the entire back seat.Of course, this way he could position the gift bag so that the wine wouldn't fall over going around the first curve in the road, so it wasn't entirely rude of him.</p><p>"Anyway," Felix muttered, straightening and closing the car door."How have you, uh, been?"</p><p>"Good," Mia said."Christmas was nice.Got to see my brother and his fiancee."</p><p>"You've got a brother?"</p><p>"Yeah," Mia said.She remembered that Felix used to have a brother, and endeavoured to change the subject."How was your drive down?"</p><p>"People drive like idiots," Felix said.Mia nodded."Anyway.I'm glad to see you.And," he paused, eyes flicking away, "I'm glad you get to watch the duel."</p><p>Mia smiled, and held her hand out.Felix put his fingers around hers and gave a little squeeze.</p><p>"Me, too," she said.</p><p>***</p><p>Everything had been cleared to the walls of the large basement room of Chrom's house.Mia perched on the arm of a couch while Felix and Lon'qu went over the rules and admired each other's swords.They had already stretched, which had been quite interesting to see.Felix was really flexible, but Mia didn't think she could really be surprised, when he was so serious about everything he did.Of course he would take stretching seriously, too.</p><p>Lissa sat on the cushion of the couch, and put her chin on her hand."They're such geeks," she observed.</p><p>"It's kind of cute," Mia agreed.</p><p>Felix was animatedly explaining where he'd gotten his blade, while never taking his eyes off of the engraved hilt of Lon'qu's. </p><p>"So are you dating for real yet or," Lissa trailed off.</p><p>Mia felt her face heat up."Shush!Technically, yes, we are dating."</p><p>"Way to go!"</p><p>Felix and Lon'qu both glanced in their direction.Mia felt compelled to wave.The men's attention returned to swords.</p><p>"He's been really busy though, so this is the first chance we've gotten to like, go out or whatever," Mia explained.</p><p>"Did he kiss you when he got to your place?" Lissa asked.</p><p>Mia couldn't believe this."Why are you so nosy?"</p><p>"Chrom's all busy making sure everything's ready and I'm not allowed to tease him," Lissa said."So?"</p><p>"No," Mia told her.She was fine with it, though.They were still getting to know each other, and each other's boundaries.</p><p>Lissa smiled mischievously."So if he wins..."</p><p>"Lissa!"</p><p>"And I thought it was easy to embarrass <em>Chrom</em>," Lissa giggled.She groaned when she saw her brother had returned with a pitcher of water for the competitors.</p><p>"Lissa, what are you doing here?You said you wouldn't make Lon'qu nervous."</p><p>Lissa sighed, exasperated."I can't believe I can't like, hide behind a chair and watch.He seems fine."</p><p>"He deserves as few distractions as possible," Chrom pointed out.</p><p>"Fine.See ya, Mia.Enjoy your little show."Lissa hopped off the couch and left the room by way of sticking to the wall, thus giving their anxious swordsman as wide a berth as possible.</p><p>"I get to watch," Chrom said, when Mia asked what he was going to do."Lon'qu said something about me being his second."</p><p>"Wait, so shouldn't Felix have a second?"</p><p>Chrom stifled a laugh."Maybe that's you?"</p><p>"Oh, I hope not," Mia said.She watched the duellists nod to each other, and then Felix approached.</p><p>"We're ready to start," he said, pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket.He fiddled with it for a moment, then handed it over to Mia."Press here to start recording."</p><p>"Gotcha," Mia said."Anything else?Desperate Measures?"She was referring, of course, to the line <em>kiss me, just once, for luck</em>, but was too uncomfortable to just say that.</p><p>Felix got what she meant, anyway.His nose went pink and he let out a little huff of a laugh."I don't need luck," he said brashly, taking his jacket off and revealing his toned arms.</p><p>"Be careful, then," Mia said.He rolled his eyes, smirking, and turned his back on her to face Lon'qu.Thankfully, Chrom was oblivious to the fact that this was apparently how Mia and Felix were going to flirt.</p><p>Felix nodded to Mia, so she pointed his phone at the two fighters and pressed where he'd told her to.It began recording, and Mia gave Felix a thumbs-up.</p><p>His focus went right back to Lon'qu.The two men held their swords, confidently, like this was what they were meant to do.Mia held her breath as they stared each other down.</p><p>Lon'qu made the first move, lunging and swinging much faster than his large frame would let one believe.Felix brought his own blade up to block it with a resounding noise that made Mia jump.The blades scraped against each other, Lon'qu bearing down with all his weight while Felix tried to push against him.Their arms strained and Felix had to step back, pulling away and retaliating with a quick thrust that Lon'qu parried easily. </p><p>They traded blows, Lon'qu backing Felix to the wall with a series of powerful, sweeping movements.Felix blocked some but avoided most of them, constantly taking steps away from the taller swordsman.</p><p>Mia kept the camera trained on the two of them, doing her best to keep it steady even though her chest was pounding because <em>these idiots might actually hurt each other</em>.Their faces were terrifying, completely caught up in the competition and determination of trying to best their opponent.</p><p>Finally Felix stopped his retreat and got on the offensive.He pushed Lon'qu back, his own movements quick and smooth.Clanging metal rang out and Mia guessed that Lissa was probably <em>dying</em> to know what was going on.They should have streamed this, but Mia could see why they wouldn't.First, because one of them could be seriously hurt, and secondly, because Felix probably didn't know how that worked.</p><p>Felix was on the attack.Lon'qu guarded, almost lazily.He was clearly skilled.After knocking aside a flurry of strikes, Lon'qu parried with a weird twist of his wrist that ended with Felix stumbling forward, onto the floor, and his sword clattering away.Mia put her left hand over her mouth.</p><p>"Round one goes to me," Lon'qu said, his foot on Felix's blade.</p><p>Felix got onto his knees, nodding.Lon'qu relinquished his opponent's blade and offered a hand to help him up.</p><p>"Fuck," Felix said, panting.</p><p>Lon'qu was flushed and grinning wide."You're so good!I can't believe I actually disarmed you!"</p><p>"Don't get fucking used to it," Felix said, pushing loose hair out of his face.He glanced at Mia, and her stomach did a bizarre, twisting thing.His face stayed expressionless for a moment, then his lip curled up."Ready for the real fight to begin?"</p><p>"Don't say you were holding back!"</p><p>"What if I was?" Felix countered, rolling his shoulder before gripping the hilt of his sword with both hands, getting into a lower position.</p><p>"I want a real challenge," Lon'qu said, readying his own blade for the second round.</p><p>"You'll get it," Felix hissed.</p><p>The second round seemed even more jarring than the first.Felix went on the offensive from the get-go, attacking with speed and fury.Lon'qu gasped and barely managed to maintain an effective guard.He pivoted and Felix danced around to his other side.Dodging a thrust from Lon'qu left Felix unbalanced, but he got his blade up just in time.With a twist of his sword, Felix wrenched at Lon'qu's weapon but failed to disarm him.He took advantage of his opponent's open stance and doubled his attack.</p><p>Lon'qu's back was forced towards their audience.Mia wondered if she should move and try to get a clearer shot, or just stay where she was and keep the focus on the fighters.She felt Chrom tense beside her, murmuring something like 'a little too intense'.Felix was out of sight for the moment, hidden behind Lon'qu, but Mia could see his blade flashing and hear when Lon'qu parried.</p><p>In a last ditch attempt to save himself, Lon'qu swivelled again, swinging hard from his right.Felix leaned back to avoid it.Twisting his body, Felix got onto Lon'qu's right and raised the point of his blade to his opponent's throat.</p><p>Lon'qu froze.</p><p>"Do you yield?" Felix asked, panting heavily.Both men's shirts were soaked with sweat and their skin gleamed.</p><p>"I yield," Lon'qu said.</p><p>Felix removed his blade from where it threatened Lon'qu and stepped away."Deciding round," he declared.He raised his weapon.</p><p>"We should try and catch our breath," Lon'qu gasped.</p><p>"Are you saying you concede?" Felix demanded.His chest was heaving and Mia wondered what he was thinking.Lon'qu stared at him, and looked down at his own sword.Carefully, he got into his fighting stance.</p><p>The two men threw themselves back into the fight.Now the ringing of steel was accompanied with grunts of exertion.Mia noticed that their movements were a little less finessed.Each one held their own, first Felix drove at Lon'qu like he had in the previous round, then Lon'qu rallied and used his height to push Felix back.Their blades ground against each other. </p><p>Felix didn't have the strength to last long with all of Lon'qu's weight bearing down on him.His face was all screwed up with effort and he ground his teeth, breathing loud.Lon'qu grunted and pushed downward, trying to force Felix onto his knees.</p><p>When Felix shuddered, Mia thought he'd lost.He sank onto one knee, dropping onto the floor.For a second, Mia thought Lon'qu's sword would pin him to the floor. </p><p>Instead, Felix rolled to the side, and swung one foot to try and kick Lon'qu's legs out from under him.Lon'qu jumped away and Felix stood, still gripping his sword tight with both hands.Neither one seemed to want the other to have a chance to catch his breath.They yelled and leapt at each other, swords raised.</p><p>Mia guessed that if Lon'qu managed to lock blades with Felix again, he would win.As a result, Felix was working desperately to avoid that.He moved more, keeping out of Lon'qu's range and then dancing back in to strike.But Lon'qu wasn't slow, either.He kept pace with his foe until the two of them were both plastered with sweat, breathing in ragged gasps.</p><p>Lon'qu arced his sword upward, on an angle.It caught Felix's blade, jarring him.One of his hands left the hilt, but Felix gripped it tight in his right hand and ducked low, under Lon'qu's next strike.He swung his arm up and rammed the handle of his sword against Lon'qu's wrist.Lon'qu yelled.Felix brought his left hand back to the hilt of his weapon to raise and swing it, catching Lon'qu's sword close to the grip.</p><p>It rang, loudly.There was a flash of silver steel as Lon'qu's sword flung out of his hand, to clatter on the floor. </p><p>Felix stayed where he was for a second, just watching his opponent react to suddenly not having anything in his hands.Lon'qu looked from his open palms, to Felix, to his sword, which slowly wobbled to stillness.</p><p>Keeping his sword in his left hand, Felix pushed his sticky bangs back and then extended his hand to Lon'qu.</p><p>"Thank you," he said, breathing hard."That was--you're a worthy opponent."</p><p>Lon'qu accepted the offered hand."Thought I had you--should've remembered--you'd mix fighting styles--"</p><p>"You adapted well," Felix said.He noticed Mia still recording, and gestured vaguely with his sword.Mia took that as a sign to end the video, but she stayed where she was, out of Lon'qu's personal space.</p><p>"That was something," Chrom said.</p><p>"Yeah, it was kind of scary," Mia agreed.</p><p>Chrom laughed.The two duellists had begun discussing each other's moves and strategies between breaths. </p><p>"But I think they had fun," Chrom said.It certainly hadn't looked that way during the fight but now, as they settled and began checking their blades for damage, both looked more happy and relaxed than Mia had so far seen either of them. </p><p>They sat on the floor, cross-legged, like kindergarteners.Felix's hair was mostly loose, so he tugged it fully free of its elastic.It fell mostly to his shoulders, though a chunk at the back seemed a bit longer.Mia wondered if he usually trimmed it himself, because it was a weird cut.Still, she liked the way he looked with his hair down, and the big, open grin on his face.</p><p>She hoped Lissa would get to see it, just as proof that Felix <em>did</em> smile.</p><p>After he was seemingly satisfied with his sword's condition, and Lon'qu started repeating his thoughts on the match, Felix got up with a stretch and went over to where Mia still perched on the arm of the couch.Chrom cleared his throat and excused himself.</p><p>"So?What do you think?" Felix asked, still smiling.</p><p>Mia had a great number of thoughts about the match, but right now they were all secondary to the sight of Felix's bare arms and the way his top clung to his body.</p><p>"Wow," she said.</p><p>His nose wrinkled a little.It seemed as though she had given the right answer."Video turn out?"</p><p>"I think so," Mia said.</p><p>"Good."</p><p>Mia felt as hot as if she'd been the one swordfighting.She got her feet on the floor and put Felix's phone in his hand. </p><p>"Congratulations," she said."That was really amazing."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>Mia didn't know where to look.There was a precedent, when someone won a duel.Mia leaned closer, aiming to kiss Felix's cheek.</p><p>He pulled away.Mia looked at the floor, tucking some hair behind her ear."Sorry."</p><p>"No," Felix said.She looked up at him.His face was getting red, and he couldn't seem to look at her directly."I'm just.So are you my girlfriend, or what?Try again."</p><p>Still scarlet, Felix turned his face to Mia's. </p><p>Some of his hair had fallen forward again.Mia plucked at it, trying to get it to stay back.She felt outrageously close to him.</p><p>"If you want, I mean," Felix clarified.His breath was warm on her face.</p><p>"I want to," Mia said, feeling her voice straining somewhere.Felix's lips parted in surprise, like he couldn't believe it.Then he smiled, softly.Mia was melting, so she closed the distance before her body could slither to the ground in a puddle.She pressed her lips against his, cautiously.</p><p>Closing her eyes, Mia was surprised when he pressed back, and she could <em>feel</em> his smile widen. </p><p>It was a short, chaste kiss, but the two of them stayed close together to watch each other's reaction with half-lidded eyes. </p><p>Felix was absolutely stunning.Mia had thought he was pretty cute, before, but maybe it was being up close, or him having just won a duel, or she was just getting out of her own head enough to realize it, but whatever it was, she was gaping at him now.Felix's face was all sharp angles and harsh lines, but at this moment his expression was soft and warm.The contrast was unbelievably alluring. </p><p>"I've--" --<em>never done that</em>.Mia felt flushed and like she was falling, piece by piece, into Felix's warm eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>you have no IDEA how mad I was at myself when I realized, immediately after posting chapter 20, that I would have to ACTUALLY include a goddamn SWORDFIGHT in my peaceful modern Canada fun-time Eh-U and that I'd also picked a kind of sword about which I know absolutely NOTHING other than 'probably two-handed'<br/>but, That Which You Have Promised You Must Perform<br/>so this is my chance to say 'Please tell me how I do at action sequences'</p><p>Of course, as soon as I'd posted chapter 20 I was also Buzzing with Anticipation due to the precedent of 'winners get kisses' so. silver lining, eh.</p><p>The title and summary lyrics are from E.L.O.'s 'Showdown'</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. sing, sing, to me, sing me something i need</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i continue the trend of following up intensely emotional scenes with soft tired Felix riding in the passenger seat of a car</p><p>Dialogue! Music! Flirting! Happiness! Bonding! I try to bring it all!</p>
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    <p>Mia's fall was broken when Felix stepped back, swearing quietly.</p><p>"Shit, sorry, I'm disgusting right now," he muttered.His hands pulled at his sweaty shirt, and he avoided Mia's gaze.</p><p>Her senses came back to her in a rush and she was suddenly aware that they were not completely alone in this room.Behind Felix, Lon'qu was awkwardly trying to keep his red face turned away, while Chrom tried to keep talking about the duel.</p><p>"Ah," Mia said."You should--"</p><p>"Sorry," Felix said.He noticed Lon'qu's predicament and went even more scarlet"Fuck."</p><p>"Sorry," Mia said, to the room.</p><p>"No worries," Chrom called.</p><p>Felix snorted, and dug around in his jacket pockets, which he'd discarded before the match."Here, go into the trunk.I brought some stuff to change into but I forgot it in the car."He put his keys into Mia's hands and went back to Lon'qu and Chrom.</p><p>Mia slunk around the edge of the room to the stairs leading to the ground floor.There, Lissa and her older sister, Emmeryn, were sitting and waiting.</p><p>"So it's all over?" Lissa asked, turning around on the couch to face Mia.She dangled her arms over the back of it."They couldn't be any louder, could they!"</p><p>Mia laughed."Yeah, it was very intense."</p><p>"From your face I can guess who won," Lissa said.</p><p>"Lissa!"</p><p>Emmeryn's laugh was very soft."No one's hurt, I hope?"</p><p>"No, they're just worn out.They're both grinning like idiots," Mia added.</p><p>"Geeks," Lissa said.</p><p>"I'm just getting some fresh clothes for Felix out of the car," Mia explained, heading for the entryway for her boots and coat.</p><p>"Felix can borrow our shower if he needs to," Emmeryn offered.</p><p>"Ohh," Lissa groaned."Gross, imagine being trapped for two hours in a car next to a yucky sweaty guy!"</p><p>"Lissa," Emmeryn gently chided."But yes, that's what I was hoping to help Mia avoid."</p><p>"He's aware he's disgusting," Mia called, before going out into the cold. </p><p>When the December air hit her face, Mia realized just how hot her skin had been.She could barely believe what had happened, what she had done.She'd had her first kiss, at the tender age of twenty-five.She'd been fine with waiting, and of course, now that it had happened, she was rather pleased with herself for doing so.Mia took a few deep breaths of icy wind and jogged over to the car.She was going to remember this forever--the duel, the look on Felix's face, and how utterly rude he was. </p><p>"<em>Try again</em>," Mia muttered, grinning."Punkass."</p><p>There was a pair of jeans and a couple of t-shirts in the trunk of the car.Mia pulled them out, feeling a twinge of <em>something</em> over handling the clothes of the man she'd just kissed. </p><p>"I think way too damn much," Mia grumbled.She picked at the t-shirts, and saw one that made her smile, so she chose that one, threw it over her arm with the jeans, and shut the trunk. </p><p>When she got back into the house, the men had all made their way to the ground floor.Lon'qu stepped back when Mia entered through the front door.</p><p>"I can't stay," he declared.He had been holding an ice pack to his wrist, but he tossed it into the sink in a panic.</p><p>"Of course," Chrom said."Don't worry about it."</p><p>Felix nodded."We'll keep in touch.I'd love to challenge you with a different blade."</p><p>"Yes!Yes, of course.I wish you were closer, we could train together," Lon'qu babbled, as he sidled away from the group.</p><p>"We'll work something out," Felix said.</p><p>"Good," Lon'qu said."I have to go."He grimaced at Mia and fled to the door, snatching his sword from where it leaned near the stairs to the basement.He shoved his feet in his boots, threw his long coat over his shoulders, and was gone in seconds with his sword.</p><p>There were a good ten minutes before his car pulled out of Chrom's driveway.</p><p>Mia handed Felix his clothes.He thanked her.</p><p>"Apparently I can use the shower," Felix said."Do I have time, or do you want to just go?"</p><p>"You'll be more comfortable if you shower," Mia told him.</p><p>Lissa snorted."So will Mia."</p><p>Felix blushed."I'll be quick."</p><p>"I'll get you a hair dryer and a towel," Emmeryn said, as Chrom showed Felix to the washroom.</p><p>Mia was left at the kitchen island with Lissa.</p><p>"So?" Lissa leaned over the counter, her fingers laced together.She didn't need to say any more, Mia knew exactly what her question was.</p><p>She could still pretend to be ignorant, though."So, what?"</p><p>"<em>So?</em>"</p><p>Mia lost the duel against her idiot smile and the flush rising on her cheeks.It was over before the start, though.Mia was just about overwhelmed.</p><p>"You did, didn't you!Right on the lips?"</p><p>"Lissa!" Mia gasped.</p><p>Lissa giggled."I'm taking that as a yes.Which means I win."</p><p>"You <em>win?</em>What do you win?"</p><p>"I bet Virion that you'd kiss on the lips, he bet on cheek or forehead."Lissa rubbed her hands together. </p><p>"Why were you betting on that!" Mia squealed.</p><p>"Well all the Shepherds were betting on whether Lon'qu or Felix would win," Lissa pointed out.Mia had known this, checking in on the group chat after the closing party. </p><p>She shook her head."You're eighteen.You shouldn't be betting at all."</p><p>"Ooh, call the cops," Lissa joked."Anyway, I'm telling Virion that it happened."</p><p>"That what happened?" Chrom asked from the hall.He and Emmeryn sat down at the kitchen table.</p><p>"Mia's kiss.It did happen, right?"Lissa wiggled her eyebrows at Mia.</p><p>Chrom groaned."Yeah, right in front of poor Lon'qu.I thought he might stick around, but I think he was going to have a panic attack."</p><p>Mia put her face in her hands.Lissa cackled.</p><p>"It isn't up to you if that gets spread through the Shepherds," Emmeryn reminded Lissa.</p><p>"It would just be Virion, we've got a private chat."</p><p>Chrom choked."What?What for?"</p><p>Lissa shrugged."I like to torture him with horrible pictures of ugly pigeons."She turned her phone so that Mia could see.Sure enough, the last thing she'd sent to Virion had been a photo of a weird show bird with a super long neck.It looked like an alien caricature of a pigeon.Underneath, she had captioned it with 'it's you!'.Virion had responded with a desperate plea for Lissa to stop.</p><p>With a snort, Mia nodded."Fine, tell him to be discreet though.This can be insult to injury after losing to me last month."</p><p>"That's the spirit!"</p><p>While waiting for Felix, Mia talked with the siblings about how she had met him and the plans for the weekend.This was the first time Mia had met Emmeryn, but the older woman was very calm and kind.She seemed to balance out her siblings' impulsiveness very well.</p><p>At last, Felix reappeared in the hall, his hair pulled back again but still slightly damp.He was wearing his fresh clothes, well-fitting jeans and the t-shirt Mia had picked from the trunk.Across the front were the words 'I'd rather be a riot than indifferent'.</p><p>"Thanks," he said to the siblings."I feel a lot better."</p><p>They assured him that they were all glad and that he was no inconvenience.Mia was reminded that these kind people were her friends, and felt another surge of happiness.It really was turning out to be a very good day.</p><p>"We should probably get going," Felix said."Traffic's going to suck."</p><p>Mia agreed."Should I drive?"</p><p>He stared at her, incredulous.</p><p>"You drove all the way down here through heavy traffic," Mia reminded him."And then you had a swordfight.Aren't you tired?"</p><p>"Yeah, but," Felix began.</p><p>"I'm sure I can handle your cute little car," Mia said.</p><p>Felix sputtered."It's not--<em>cute</em>--it's practical!"</p><p>"It's blue.Would you like me to drive?"</p><p>Felix surrendered."Fine.If you want to so badly."</p><p>It wasn't until they were in the car, with his sword lying across the back seat again, that he admitted that he was exhausted. </p><p>"My arms feel shaky," he said, leaning back in his seat."Can't remember the last time I had so much fun."</p><p>Mia adjusted the mirrors."When your swords were locked or whatever--I thought he had you."</p><p>"Me, too!Didn't think that manoeuvre would work."</p><p>Mia laughed, and got the car in reverse."So, let's get this road trip started!"</p><p>***</p><p>Felix watched the unfamiliar scenery of Airmid roll past, because otherwise he would just spend the entire trip staring at Mia.It was really for the best that he wasn't driving.His hands were just as shaky as his arms, and his thoughts were all abuzz with pride from winning and embarrassment for actually demanding that Mia kiss him, and then all the pleasant, squishy feelings in his body that had arisen when she'd actually <em>wanted to</em>.Plus, all the tension he'd been carrying since Dimitri's birthday had been slashed away in the fight with Lon'qu.Felix felt calm, and safe.It was such a good day.</p><p>He pulled the elastic out of his hair again, because it just rubbed uncomfortably on the headrest.He dropped the elastic into a cupholder and looked at Mia sidelong.She was driving carefully, but competently. </p><p>They got onto the highway, which was already filling up heading into Toronto.</p><p>"I was hoping that when I drove, you'd sing," Felix said quietly.He pulled at the hem of his shirt.This wasn't the one he'd brought for the purpose, but he thought it was cute that Mia had chosen the one piece of band merch that was in the car."But now it seems demanding."</p><p>Mia kept her eyes on the road, but she giggled.</p><p>"<em>You say</em></p><p>
  <em>'Sing, sing, to me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sing me something I need</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sing new, sing good'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>God I wish that I could"</em>
</p><p>Felix snorted."Stop that."How did she just know which song would be perfect to tease him with?It was unfair.</p><p>Mia grinned wide, and did not relent.She raised her voice.</p><p>"<em>You just need me to be stable</em></p><p>
  <em>But I won't be able</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To keep it together again"</em>
</p><p>"Shut up," Felix laughed."I thought you didn't know Masterpiece Theatre!"</p><p>Mia shrugged."Maybe I've been studying up on it.Seems I can relate to <em>Sing Sing</em> for some reason," she teased, then said, "I can sing and drive, but it's best if I've got whatever song actually playing.It's too hard trying to remember lyrics <em>and</em> drive."</p><p>"So you wouldn't mind, if I put something on?" Felix asked.It was really going to be a good day, if he got to hear Mia singing after all the good stuff that had already happened.</p><p>"Of course not," Mia said."But I mean, I wouldn't mind talking, either."</p><p>"I'm no good at that," Felix mumbled."What should I play for you?"</p><p>Mia tapped the steering wheel."What about some <em>Phantoms?</em>"</p><p>Felix groaned."I wasn't a fan of that one.They really took the theme too far.The other albums have themes but they aren't overdone."</p><p>"Aw, I like it.But okay, pick something else."</p><p><em>Astoria</em> it was, then.Felix hit play and waited for the opening notes of the title song to begin.Mia sang softly with the music, almost like it was subconscious, while the rest of her focus was on driving and avoiding people cutting in front of them.</p><p>It was special to watch her sing, in person.Felix loved the songs she'd recorded for him, but it was something else entirely to be sitting next to her while she tried to hit all the long, high notes in these songs.</p><p>
  <em>"Hey, let's all say fuck it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm gonna make my mother so proud of it"</em>
</p><p>Felix grimaced, thinking about his father waiting at home to greet them.When the first song was done, he turned the volume down.</p><p>"Okay, I better just," he began, and took a breath, "warn you about some stuff."</p><p>"O-kay," Mia said.</p><p>Felix snorted."Just.My old man.He's kind of Catholic.Like, really Catholic."</p><p>"Oh no, I'm so sorry," Mia said.</p><p>"Yeah.It's a pain.Anyway, he might lecture you, or something."</p><p>Mia laughed."Don't worry, I've got Catholics in my family, too.I can deal with it.Had to go to Catholic school and everything."</p><p>"How'd that go?"</p><p>"Well, for something advertised as 'faith-based learning' I sure went in with a lot more faith than I left it with."Mia let out a strangled noise at a sports car cutting in front of them.</p><p>"Let him have it," Felix snapped.</p><p>Mia leaned on the horn.When she was finished, she said, "I mean, there's nothing <em>wrong</em> with religion, just, that one isn't for me."</p><p>"Okay, I'm glad," Felix said.He would have said, once, that his relationship with religion was complex, but it had gotten simpler over time."I've got no use for it.I--got pushed to it and it didn't help, but <em>apparently</em> my father's found all kinds of peace with it so I'm stuck listening to his fucking sermons."</p><p>"Catholics," Mia said, shaking her head."I guess you got stuck in Catholic school, too?"</p><p>Felix groaned."<em>French</em> Catholic school."</p><p>Mia hissed in sympathy."Should I tell your dad I'll put a hex on him?"</p><p>"God!He'd just try even harder to save you!" </p><p>"Yikes, don't want that!"</p><p>They both laughed.From the car's speaker came a high-pitched squeal of '<em>just want a crescendo, and a killer, quee~een'</em></p><p>"He really just does all that with his voice," Mia mused."Can't believe I'm a--a--goddamn <em>Trencher</em>."</p><p>"And you're dating a goddamn Trencher, too," Felix said.He felt his cheeks heating up saying it, but he really wanted to, just to test how it sounded.</p><p>Mia glanced over at him."I am.But I think I'm enjoying it."</p><p>"Yeah?" The warmth in Felix's cheeks seemed to envelope his whole body."Me, too."</p><p>"Anything else you want to talk about?" Mia asked. </p><p>"Not right now," Felix said.Probably they would have to discuss things, important things, soon, but he was tired and happy and just wanted to enjoy the drive with Mia.He was content to bask in knowing that she liked him without hoping he would spontaneously become somebody else.</p><p>"That's fine," Mia said.She smiled and began softly singing along to the music, so Felix turned it up again, not so much that he couldn't hear her voice, but enough that she was accompanied.</p><p>Unlike the other Marianas Trench albums, Felix didn't have strong feelings either way on <em>Astoria</em>, but he enjoyed how Mia sang it, especially the way she got kind of rosy and softer the first time she sang the line "<em>Don't you want to kiss me someday too?"</em> from <em>Yesterday</em>.And when <em>One Love</em> followed it, as was proper (Felix never listened to this band on shuffle), Mia sucked in one breath at the start of the song and <em>threw</em> herself into the lyrics.</p><p>
  <em>"I wake up tonight</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Feeling paper thin and I'm paper white</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You say 'just come back to bed'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Voice sounds strange but I soon forget"</em>
</p><p>It jarred Felix, hearing such unbridled enthusiasm from her.She sang like she was the only one in the car.She sang like she understood the lyrics, which was ridiculous because the very concept of them was beyond stupid.</p><p>
  <em>"But just hold quick</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You're fading right in that cold trick</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of the light</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm just so sick</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I thought you might be here</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But you d-disappeared"</em>
</p><p>He'd never been crazy about <em>One Love</em> due to the whole 'what if you found your one true love but screwed it up anyway' theme, although he had to admit he liked the <em>sound</em> of the song.But now he was actually considering how it would feel to be locked in a relationship with someone and everything you said was wrong.He worried that if anyone could pull it off, it would be him.</p><p>
  <em>"Now I wake up and I forget that you were gone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A phantom limb is all that I am hanging on</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So don't stop no stopping it yet</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What if the one true love's the only one that you get?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And you've been wishing but you don't know how to stay</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I've been broken but I'm better every day"</em>
</p><p>Mia launched into the chorus and Felix worried she might crash the car, but traffic had slowed to practically a standstill.He watched her hands remain safely on the wheel and let himself listen, to the way she poured feeling into the words, to the way she matched the timing perfectly, the way she missed a lyric here and there but didn't let it stop her.Her voice softened during the transition after the second chorus, aching with longing.</p><p>
  <em>"What if I wake up tonight and you were real?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What if we could find a way to try to heal?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What if there's no stopping us yet?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What if the one true love's the only one that you get?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What if there was still a reason not to go?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What if there was still a little bit of hope?"</em>
</p><p>The last word ended in a wail.Mia bravely attempted the scream at the song's conclusion, which resulted in a small cough as the song tapered off with just drums.Thankfully, the next song was a short, soft instrumental interlude, giving them time to recover.</p><p>"Wow," Felix said.</p><p>Mia's smile was a little sheepish."Might've practiced that one more than the others."</p><p>"It was good."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I think I like it better than I did before."</p><p>"You're gonna embarrass me!"</p><p>Felix considered this, and the upward curve of her lips."Maybe I will, later," he said.</p><p>Mia snorted."Punkass."Yeah, it was a good day.Right now, stuck in traffic was exactly where he wanted to be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Felix: goes through something<br/>Me: oh shit! someone give my boy a lift</p><p>I didn't know how to follow up that last showstopper of a chapter so my solution was open the Playlist and let them be Trenchers, since that's how we kindled this slowww burnnnn<br/>Lissa is Mia's punishment for kissing Felix right in front of Lon'qu. In this fic Lissa represents Justice jhjgjfhgdhfgh</p><p>'i'd rather be a riot than indifferent' is a line from 'This Means War' and they did make tees with that on it<br/>Title and related in-car lyrics are from 'Sing Sing' off 'Masterpiece Theatre', all other lyrics are from songs from 'Astoria', which this chapter was apparently my love letter to. and I'm! not sorry ;p</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. i will die for my own sins, thanks a lot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>it's just one Conversation after another--some things that maybe shouldn't have been brought up, and some things that definitely needed bringing up</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>non-explicit discussion of sex can be found in this chapter<br/>also there's a bit more strong language than usual</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia had been able to tell, when Felix directed her off the highway, that they were heading into a fancier neighbourhood.The houses were big and looked old, like maybe some scenes of <em>Murdoch Mysteries</em> could be filmed in them.Trees lined the streets, many still decorated with Christmas lights. </p>
<p>"Right, here," Felix directed her.He was sitting up straighter, looking more awake than he had through most of the trip.Of course, that made sense.Traffic was draining, even if you were a passenger.</p>
<p>Mia followed his directions to a neighbourhood of newer, huger, buildings.They all had luxury cars out front and topiaries and shiny windows on their front doors. </p>
<p>"This is the one." Felix pointed to a massive house--a mansion, really--with an extra-wide driveway and a three-car garage.Either it sensed them coming or Felix did something on his phone, because the door began rolling open.</p>
<p>"Ooh, I've never parked in a garage before," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix huffed."You're fucking with me."</p>
<p>"I am but a simple country girl," Mia declared, "I park in the Lord's garage."She gestured above the dashboard to the overcast sky.</p>
<p>"Just drive straight in," Felix said.The hand he put over his face did a poor job of hiding his amusement.</p>
<p>"And don't hit the walls," Mia said.</p>
<p>"Please don't hit the walls," Felix said.</p>
<p>There was plenty of space in the garage, which would have surprised Mia if she wasn't on guard from seeing how wealthy Felix's neighbourhood was.Every garage she'd seen in her life had been packed full of yard equipment, seasonal gear, and giant rubbermaid containers of old stuff.Most of them were too crowded for cars to fit in.This one had two vehicles in it already, a large black SUV and a white vintage car with lots of chrome.</p>
<p>Mia put the car in park and turned off the ignition, dropping the keys in Felix's waiting hand.At some point while she'd been driving in, he'd put his hair back again.Behind them, the garage door was closing already.</p>
<p>"Let's go," Felix said.Mia nodded.They got their things from the back--Felix hoisted Mia's bag over his shoulder and pulled his sword from the back seat.Mia took her gift bag and container of squares, and let Felix lead the way to the interior of the house.</p>
<p>It had the same magazine-spread aesthetic as the Fortress up north.Mia wondered if Felix's family came from royalty or something.She shut the door to the garage behind her and tried to be cool about standing on the set of a designer's photoshoot.</p>
<p>"Estoc," Felix called, as his silvery cat padded up to him.She opened her jaw and screamed in greeting, rubbing against his legs."You missed me.My drama queen."Felix placed Mia's bag, and his sword, on the floor to lift up Estoc and let her rub her face on his neck.He <em>giggled</em>--was he ticklish?"Honestly.I was only gone since this morning.Say hi."</p>
<p>He held his cat for Mia to greet.She had just picked her things up after taking off her boots and coat, so she hooked the handles of the gift bag over the thumb of the hand holding her squares so that she could stroke Estoc's forehead.</p>
<p>"What a beautiful girl.Are you getting along with Spinach Puff?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, he should be around here somewhere," Felix said.He gently deposited Estoc on the floor and the cat craned her neck back to look at him, her tail swinging."They're getting to know each other.There haven't been any fights."</p>
<p>"I'm so glad," Mia said.</p>
<p>There was movement down a hall."Felix?Are you back?"</p>
<p>"Who else would it be?" Felix demanded.His eyes, as soft looking at Estoc as they had after kissing Mia, sharpened as his father turned the corner into the house's atrium.Mia gave him a little space, edging away in case they erupted into a fistfight or something. </p>
<p>"I was worried you'd hurt yourself in that ridiculous sword fight," Rodrigue said."I was hoping you would text me before you left from Airmid.Good afternoon, Miss Cecile."</p>
<p>"Hello.Mr. Fraldarius," Mia said, haltingly."Here, to thank you for letting me stay a couple of nights."</p>
<p>Rodrigue accepted the gift bag from Mia, and pulled the bottle of wine out just far enough to look at the label before letting it disappear back into the bag."Thank you so much!How thoughtful of you.I do hope you had a comfortable drive?Felix can be curt--I'm surprised you wouldn't have ridden down with Ingrid."</p>
<p>"Why?" Felix snapped."Mia's <em>my</em> girlfriend, not Ingrid's."</p>
<p>Rodrigue blinked rapidly.Felix had his fists balled up and looked like he was just <em>aching</em> for an excuse to fly off the handle. </p>
<p>Mia thought that excuse had come when Rodrigue began to laugh."Oh, Felix!Of course this is how you'd tell me."To Mia, he said, "I'm so sorry.I suppose this means you're aware of Felix's idiosyncrasies?"</p>
<p>"Don't brush it off as an idiosyncrasy when it's because <em>you'd</em> give me some damn lecture like I'm Sylvain or something," Felix muttered.</p>
<p>"Felix?What was that?"</p>
<p>"She's aware of my idiosyncrasies," Felix said, louder, with his mouth twisted in a sneer.Mia clung to her container of squares, not wanting to get involved and wondering when she could interject to ask where the washroom was.</p>
<p>"Oh," Rodrigue said."Will you have her sleep in what is now Spinach Puff's room?"</p>
<p>Felix snorted.He looked at the floor, where Estoc was showing her belly."Who says she's staying in a guest room?"He glanced up to meet Rodrigue's eye with a petulant glare.</p>
<p>The record of life scratched.<em>So,</em> Mia thought, <em>you're probably wondering how I got here.</em>She stifled a nervous laugh.</p>
<p>"Where else would she sleep?" Rodrigue asked, innocently."You can't put her on the couch."</p>
<p>Felix unclenched his fists and then clenched them again.He raised his chin and looked off down the hall."What if she slept with me?"He said it like a dare, and matched it with a brief glower of challenge.</p>
<p>Mia scraped her fingernails on the smooth plastic in her hands.<em>Don't mind me, just, just looking for a washroom</em>...</p>
<p>"That wouldn't be appropriate," Rodrigue said, in a tone that transported Mia back to grade nine religion class."I couldn't face her parents knowing I'd let--"</p>
<p>"What would have stopped us from doing it in the car?In the boat?Fuck--you don't even know that there <em>was</em> a duel in Airmid, we might've--"</p>
<p>"<em>Felix!</em>" Rodrigue gasped.His face was a mixture of scandal and outrage. </p>
<p>"--been <em>fucking</em> the entire time.And if we did, it would be <em>our</em> choice, not because you did or didn't give us permission, not because <em>God</em> did or didn't give us permission--"</p>
<p>"This is my <em>house</em>, Felix," Rodrigue interrupted.</p>
<p>"Shut up.I'm not done," Felix snapped.</p>
<p>"Don't talk to me like that."Rodrigue looked mostly angry now, but Mia was feeling a little bit of that, herself. </p>
<p>Felix just rolled his eyes."If we fuck it won't be because you let us.You--and Mia's parents--don't get a say in what we do."</p>
<p>Rodrigue rasped out a sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingertips."We're not fighting.We're not doing this.Are you saying you've had sex with this girl?"</p>
<p>"No, I'm saying there's no way you could stop us," Felix said."And if we did we'd be responsible!"</p>
<p>"Um," Mia began.</p>
<p>"But you <em>haven't</em>," Rodrigue said."I'm sorry, Miss Cecile?"</p>
<p>Mia was at her limit.And there was something so exhausting about being called 'Miss Cecile'."Enthralling as the theological debate is, could one of you point me to the washroom?Please?"</p>
<p>Both men flushed a matching shade of red.Felix unclenched his fists, but not his jaw.He reached out for Mia's container of squares, which was becoming something of a shield in her mind.</p>
<p>"I'll take these to the kitchen--you want them in the fridge?"</p>
<p>"There's a washroom just down this hall, second door on the right," Rodrigue said, all politeness.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Mia said, trying to look more dignified than she felt."I'd like it if they were in the fridge," she added, to Felix.She relinquished her squares to him and fled down the hall. </p>
<p>She pushed open the door of the washroom, got safely inside, locked the door, and hooked her purse over the handle.It was a huge relief after the long drive, and while she was washing her hands she looked her reflection in the eye and tried to decide who she was angry with.</p>
<p>"<em>Gotta warn you about the old man</em>," Mia whispered, mocking."<em>He's very Catholic.He'll lecture you</em>.Yeah--when you <em>start</em> a fight!Oh my God.Ohh my God."</p>
<p>Then there was the question raised with the point Felix had been trying to make.What point was that, exactly?Something about 'keep out of my business' but Rodrigue hadn't even been in lecture-mode, until Felix brought up sex.<em>Did</em> Felix want to do that with her?Was he, urban Felix, frustrated with Mia's cluelessness and generally slow pace? </p>
<p>"I'm mad at both of them," Mia decided."Literally none of that needed to come up.I'm too old for this."She considered for another moment.She was also a little mad at herself, for not stopping them sooner. </p>
<p>That all decided, Mia turned off the faucet and flicked water into the sink.The handsoap smelled like herbs and the washroom itself was all marbly and black and white with gold hardware.Posh.Mia dried her hands on a plush towel, wondering if they had a maid or did laundry themselves.Was all of this magazine-decor Rodrigue's doing, or had he hired a designer?In which case, <em>Holy Hell</em> at the money this man had.Mia's style was basically whatever cheap shiny thing her crow-brain took a fancy to.It was why she hoarded beads and made sparkly rings.</p>
<p>While she had some privacy, Mia called home to let her parents know that she'd made it to Felix's safely.</p>
<p>"Yeah, everything's fine," Mia lied, chipper.  "Traffic was awful, but I've arrived safe and sound.  It's all good."  She said goodbye and that she'd thanked Felix's dad for his hospitality, and hung up.</p>
<p>Hopefully Ingrid or even <em>Sylvain</em> would show up soon and relieve some of the tension.Mia gathered up her purse, made sure she looked dignified and unaffected, and left her sanctuary.</p>
<p>The argument, apparently, had continued into the kitchen.Mia heard snatches of hissed conversation, little jibes from Felix and very tired responses from Rodrigue.A sharp, '<em>don't bring </em>him<em> up</em>'.</p>
<p>"Fancy house!" Mia announced, before she got to the kitchen.She heard the two men shut up, and felt satisfied with her work.In the kitchen, Felix was sulking by a door to the backyard and Rodrigue was leaning against the counter, looking haggard.Maybe it was his sort of scraggly short beard.His long, wavy hair gave Mia the impression of some past-century martyr.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Rodrigue said, glancing at Felix.</p>
<p>"It's all meaningless junk," Felix said.Estoc was sitting at his feet expectantly.</p>
<p>"Cool," Mia said."Can I pick her up?"</p>
<p>Felix jolted out of whatever grump-train he was riding."Hm?Sure, she won't mind."</p>
<p>Mia bent in front of him and scooped up Estoc.The cat was slender and long, and her fur was so silky.Mia cradled her like a baby and rubbed Estoc's fur with her fingertips. </p>
<p>"So pretty," Mia said.Estoc didn't purr, but she didn't make a move to get away, either.Felix rubbed the cat's ears, his face softening a little.</p>
<p>"I can find Spinach Puff for you," Felix offered.</p>
<p>Rodrigue cleared his throat."Can we offer you anything?Something to drink, or eat--"</p>
<p>"I'm fine," Mia said, "maybe in a bit."</p>
<p>"Hm."Rodrigue seemed hesitant to leave, and Mia couldn't blame him.</p>
<p>"You don't have to hover," Felix snapped."I was just making a point, we're not going to fuck in the kitchen."</p>
<p>Rodrigue grimaced."Felix, please mind your language.And you've been giving me very little reason to trust you."</p>
<p>"I trust him," Mia said."Mr. Fraldarius, I'm not going to do anything to lose your good opinion, or--something.And I know Felix respects my bodily autonomy."</p>
<p>Felix tilted his head, and Rodrigue frowned, but conceded.</p>
<p>"Very well.If you need anything, please ask.I apologize for the scene you had to witness."</p>
<p>"It's fine," Mia said, knowing she was being gracious.</p>
<p>"That's very gracious of you," Rodrigue said."Felix, when are you expecting your friends?"</p>
<p>Felix shrugged."This evening.Ingrid might be later, Sylvain said he'd be here around seven."</p>
<p>"Very good.I'll--leave you to help Miss Cecile settle in."Rodrigue made his exit, chin high.</p>
<p>Mia turned her attention to Felix, fixing him in place with a glare of her own."So what was that about?"</p>
<p>He reddened and dodged her gaze."Sorry.I just wanted to--" he scratched at his bangs.</p>
<p>Mia brought Estoc up to rub her chin on the cat's fuzzy little forehead.She waited for Felix to say whatever he needed to say.</p>
<p>He grumbled and looked around, uncomfortable."Want to sit down?" he asked, his voice almost too low to hear.</p>
<p>"Sure," Mia said.He lead the way to a large room with several designer chairs and a big, leather couch.He sat down on that and Mia sat beside him, still holding Estoc.</p>
<p>"I just hate that he assumes," Felix said, at last.</p>
<p>"That you're good?"</p>
<p>Felix nodded.He rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand.</p>
<p>"You feel like he takes you for granted?"</p>
<p>Felix looked at her, shocked."Yeah."</p>
<p>Leaning back, Mia let Estoc arrange herself on her lap how the cat liked."Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have been so afraid to let people down, in high school."</p>
<p>"I know what you mean," Felix said."Listen, I'm sorry.I shouldn't have used you as--as a weapon in an argument."</p>
<p>"Thanks," Mia said.</p>
<p>"I don't know what he thinks now.I just made a mess.I don't even know why I had to say all that bullshit."</p>
<p>Mia didn't know, either.It had not been the right way to bring up a topic like that."What matters," she began, carefully, "is that we can do what we want, when both of us are ready.Because we belong to ourselves."</p>
<p>Nodding, Felix reached over to let Estoc rub her gums on his knuckle.She began to gnaw on it, and he smiled, slightly.</p>
<p>"I'm the one I should've warned you about," he said, quietly."I'm an asshole."</p>
<p>"You told me about that a month ago," Mia pointed out. </p>
<p>"You're right.I'll try and do better," Felix said, looking miserable.</p>
<p>Mia leaned her head back."I know you're trying."</p>
<p>"It's not really working," Felix said.</p>
<p>"It is," Mia told him."Don't give up.On the note of what we're ready for--"</p>
<p>Felix turned his face away."Not that."</p>
<p>"Thank God," Mia said."I'm not ready, either."</p>
<p>"I thought you'd--be impatient.That you've probably--done this all before."</p>
<p>Mia found that it was her turn to redden and look away."No.Never."</p>
<p>"Not even--"</p>
<p>"This morning was the first time I've ever--"</p>
<p>They turned back to each other, and Felix broke the silence by laughing, softly."Me neither.It was sort of a point of pride, because Sylvain used to pester me about it."</p>
<p>Mia snorted."So we're both okay with this pace?Slow?"</p>
<p>"Yeah.But I mean.I really liked it.When," Felix took a shuddering breath and looked away.</p>
<p>"Me, too," Mia said.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Felix was infinitely relieved that Mia was not more angry at him for his outburst and for talking about <em>doing </em><em>that</em>, like he was Sylvain or something.Of course, Felix had the example of Sylvain's sleeping around in an attempt to make a mess of his life on one side, and on the other he had his father's opinions on marriage and sin and what's proper.Felix had of course internalized all of it and couldn't decide what <em>he</em>, Felix, really wanted.</p>
<p>That Mia was perhaps in the same boat, that she hadn't figured it out--it was like a weight had lifted off his chest. </p>
<p>"Want to find Spinach Puff?" Felix asked.Mia nodded and set Estoc aside, so Felix took her hand and the two of them stood up.They were close together again, and Felix was struck by her wide brown eyes and the few freckles on her cheeks.He didn't want to push his luck, though, so he looked down at their hands.</p>
<p>"Thank you, for getting it," Felix said.</p>
<p>"That was just luck," Mia told him.</p>
<p>"Still," Felix said.He brought her hand up to his face, and pressed his lips against her knuckles.</p>
<p>That was enough to set him on fire, so he hastily let her go and turned around, ready to locate the cat. </p>
<p>"Spinach Puff's probably up in the guest room, we can see when we take your stuff up there," Felix said.He hurried to the entry, where Mia's bag and his sword still lay.He picked up both and went upstairs, feeling Mia following close behind.</p>
<p>"You're not going to ask where I want to sleep?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>"Shit, sorry," Felix breathed.</p>
<p>Mia laughed."Sorry, that's a terrible joke.I'm happy with Spinach Puff's room."</p>
<p>"I deserved it," Felix said.All he really wanted was to maybe lie in a field with his eyes closed while Mia sat over him, singing, and he didn't know where that <em>image</em> in his mind came from, but in it his head was in her lap, and <em>oh no, I'm falling into something here</em>.He'd made her sing for most of the car ride, though, so Felix kept all parts of these thoughts to himself.</p>
<p>The door to that guest room was ajar, because it was where Spinach Puff retreated to for safety and, as Sylvain had dubbed it, his mousey-mouse.When Felix pushed the door open fully, Mia commented that the bed was larger than hers at home.</p>
<p>"Probably everything's bigger here," Felix grumbled."I'm sure this place is one of the sins.The one where you hoard material goods.Excess or extravagance or something."</p>
<p>"I don't know, it's all kind of impersonal and minimalist," Mia observed."Spinach!"</p>
<p>The cat was sprawled on the bedspread, and he chirped when Mia rushed over to greet him.Felix watched their reunion, happy that his cat had retained his chill nature and wasn't suspicious that Mia was there.</p>
<p>"You're looking so good!Yes!Are you happy?Do you love your big fancy home?I promised I'd visit, didn't I?Oh, you're getting bigger already!"</p>
<p>Felix set Mia's bag down and held his sword, waffling on whether he should put it away and give her some privacy or stay.</p>
<p>"What a wonderful boy!Is he giving you lots of treats?Is he brushing your pretty fur?Are you the luckiest cat in the whole wide world?"</p>
<p>"He is," Felix said.Mia tore her gaze from Spinach Puff to smile sheepishly and rosily at him. </p>
<p><em>Maybe I'm pretty lucky, too</em>.</p>
<p>"I think I might actually be kind of hungry," Mia said.</p>
<p>"Hm.I'll text Sylvain if he's coming a little earlier, he can pick something up.What do you think?"</p>
<p>"That sounds good."</p>
<p>Felix texted Sylvain, and then suggested that they go back downstairs.He didn't want to spend too much time alone with Mia in what was her bedroom.Mia seemed understanding, and along with Spinach Puff trailed back down with him to the ground floor.They only stopped for Felix to slip into his own bedroom and lay his sword on the bed.He shut the door after him, not knowing why it was such a big deal not to let Mia see.He rejoined her in the hall and they resumed their parade downstairs.</p>
<p>"Oh, wow--"</p>
<p>Felix noticed at the bottom of the steps that he'd lost her.She was poking her head into the more formal sitting room, which had a gas fireplace and the grand piano.</p>
<p>"Do you play?" she asked.</p>
<p>Felix hooked his thumbs into his pockets and grudgingly entered the room after her."Not anymore.You?"</p>
<p>"Never learned an instrument," Mia said."Could you play me something?"</p>
<p>"I'm way out of practice," Felix informed her, "and that thing's probably out of tune."</p>
<p>Mia pouted."Too bad."</p>
<p>"Maybe I can get it sounding better.For next time," Felix said.He knew his father would never let the instrument get out of tune.But if Felix really was going to play for Mia, he wanted to impress her, the way she impressed him with her singing.Sure, she wasn't perfect, but the way she made Felix <em>feel</em> was another story.</p>
<p>"I'd love that," Mia said."How long before Sylvain gets here?"</p>
<p>"Maybe half an hour to an hour."</p>
<p>"Maybe I will have something to drink," Mia said.</p>
<p>They each had a beer, which was refreshing after the drive and the duel and all the melodrama.They sat on opposite ends of the couch, Mia with her legs tucked under her and Felix with his feet planted on the floor.Estoc clambered onto Felix's lap and Spinach Puff claimed the armchair near the window.</p>
<p>"Can't believe it's almost the new year," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix snorted."It's all arbitrary."</p>
<p>"Such a downer."Mia tipped back her beer and Felix caught himself staring at her throat. </p>
<p>"Says the woman who sang break-up songs for the whole drive."</p>
<p>Mia pointed at him with the hand holding the bottle."You picked the album."</p>
<p>"You would've chosen <em>Phantoms."</em>Felix leaned towards her.</p>
<p>"<em>Wish You Were Here</em> is a bop," Mia pointed out.</p>
<p>"One out of ten," Felix said, "and it's still about we're-buried this and I'm-so-haunted that."</p>
<p>"You know, when I first saw you I thought you looked kind of vampire-ish," Mia said, and seemed to study his face, now."So I'm surprised you're not more into <em>Phantoms</em>."</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes."That's so stupid."</p>
<p>"I don't know, maybe you could be.Any vampire worth his salt would know how to use every kind of sword ever invented," Mia said.</p>
<p>"Vampires don't sweat," Felix notified her."Or exist."</p>
<p>"Sounds like something a vampire would say."</p>
<p>"They don't eat.You've seen me in the sun.I have a human father," Felix went on.</p>
<p>Mia snorted."Well, obviously he's a vampire too."</p>
<p>"Crosses," Felix said, with finality."Your argument lacks any merit.We should really be examining you."</p>
<p>"Me?"</p>
<p>Felix was getting nearer to the bottom of his beer."What stopped you from dragging me to the bottom of the lake after luring me closer with your singing?"</p>
<p>"Well," Mia said, leaning closer, herself."That might have been my <em>goal</em>, but when I saw you--" closer, closer, she inched to him, making his heart pound in his chest "--you were giving off these huge vampire vibes."</p>
<p>She sat up straight and laughed at him.</p>
<p>"Sylvain's right, you are mean," Felix said. </p>
<p>"You're right, I'm sorry," Mia apologized through giggles."I should be kinder to my Champion."</p>
<p>"Your Champion, huh," Felix said, forgetting his beer halfway to his lips.He didn't know how he was going to survive into the New Year, if Mia was going to keep making him feel like this.<em>Underwater and on fire, indeed</em>.</p>
<p>"Well, it's not as good as <em>alluring singing</em> but it's better than vampire," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix glanced away."I was calling you a siren," he muttered."That's--"</p>
<p>"Pretty fantastic," Mia finished. </p>
<p>Felix could not believe she liked him.Couldn't believe that his clumsy attempt at conversation pleased her.They talked like that until Felix began to feel sorry that Sylvain would show up soon, with food and his own brand of teasing.Each moment he regretted, more and more, that he didn't have the courage to just ask Mia to kiss him again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not entirely sure how this devolved into what it is. So much dialogue. if you haven't guessed by now that i'm a gemini... &gt;w&lt;<br/>I hope you aren't put off by these two choosing to go slow! but they are inexperienced and dealing with a lot of stuff, so they aren't ready yet for fast. </p>
<p>Still, if you're hankering for the good good kissing content, do check out <a href="https://omgkalyppso.tumblr.com/post/618941415700987904/ive-been-having-so-much-fun-reading-recurrings">this wonderful drawing</a> by <a href="/users/Kalyppso/">Kalyppso </a>, whose writing you should also check out, especially if you're missing the Golden Deer</p>
<p>Also I should remark that you can really picture Mia however you please--describing character appearances is obviously not my priority (my priority is yammer)--so if you've been picturing her and her fam in a specific way then more power to you, honestly! I'm lazy and perfectly fine making other people do the dirty work of imagining stuff.</p>
<p>Lastly I'm going to add that my plan is to keep the rating as it is, and if I feel bold enough to write anything steamy, it will be published as a separate work. Hope that's the responsible thing to do.</p>
<p>The title is from 'One Foot' by Fun.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. when the night comes crawling in</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>'Mirror mirror on the wall who's fairer?<br/>Can you save me from today's night terror?'</p><p>eventually...is now</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sylvain arrived at around six with his arms full of <em>Swiss Chalet</em>.Felix let him in, but all Sylvain did was shove the bag of chicken into his hands and then turn back around.</p><p>"Got a lotta booze to bring in," he shouted.The chicken was handed to Mia, while Felix tugged on his boots and went to help Sylvain.</p><p>Mia didn't know what she was expected to do in a strange house with an armful of chicken, but she did know where the kitchen was, so she took the delicious-smelling bag there.She looked around at the sleek cabinets, trying to guess behind which door were the plates.</p><p>"Hey, Mia, love you in a v-neck," Sylvain said, with an LCBO bag in each arm.</p><p>"How many of us are there going to be?" Mia asked.</p><p>"Around ten?I'm no good at numbers," Sylvain said, winking.He set the bags on the counter, the bottles inside <em>chinking</em> against each other.</p><p>Mia was about to ask how much he was expecting everyone to drink when Felix came in with another two bags.</p><p>"How drunk are you expecting us to get?" Felix demanded."Or is this all for you?"</p><p>"I wanted to make sure there was something everybody likes," Sylvain said."Got one more bag and my clothes to get."He dashed out of the kitchen.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes and started pulling bottles out to examine."Gin?None of us drink gin.Vodka," Felix nodded."Light <em>and</em> dark rum?"</p><p>"Will there be pirates?" Mia asked. </p><p>"Rye, bad idea," Felix clicked his tongue."Some cheap wine."</p><p>"There's a guy with a sword on the label," Mia pointed out."It's you!"</p><p>"Don't!" Felix shoved the bottle behind all the others. </p><p>Mia laughed and asked where plates and things were.</p><p>Rodrigue appeared in the doorway."Oh, Sylvain must be here."</p><p>"Obviously," Felix snapped.</p><p>"Felix," Rodrigue said.</p><p>"Plates are here," Felix growled, yanking open a cupboard door.</p><p>Mia made a little <em>yikes</em> gesture, raising her hands and curling her fingers, and Felix let out a frustrated sigh before relaxing his shoulders.He pulled three plates down.</p><p>"Oh, hey Mr. F," Sylvain said."Thanks for lending us the house for tomorrow."</p><p>"I'm happy it can be of use to you," Rodrigue assured him. </p><p>"Four plates, buddy," Sylvain said, clapping Felix on the shoulder."Brought enough for everyone.Ingrid tell you she's left yet?"</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes and brought down a fourth plate."No, she had a lot to finish up before leaving."</p><p>"That's very kind of you, Sylvain," Rodrigue said.</p><p>"For the one with the most friends she's really out of the way," Sylvain said."Anytime, Mr. F."</p><p>"She can't ride in the city," Felix pointed out.</p><p>Mia started pulling cartons of fries out of the takeout bag.She half expected another argument to break out, but Sylvain's presence seemed to be helping keep things from boiling over.He had brought with him food, booze of all varieties, and some semblance of order, which Mia would never have thought him capable of.</p><p>"So, Mia, breasts or legs?" Sylvain asked, reminding her of what else he was capable of.</p><p>She rolled her eyes."Legs."</p><p>"And when it comes to chicken?"</p><p>Felix punched him in the arm."Idiot."</p><p>"Also legs," Mia said.</p><p>"Oooh!"Sylvain prized open the container the chicken was sealed in, releasing even more delicious smell into the house."So is that what you were watching during the duel?"</p><p>"Sylvain," Rodrigue cautioned, with a shake of his head.Mia didn't bother holding back her nervous laughter this time.She backed away from the counter so that she'd have room to bend forward and laugh, high-pitched and fast.</p><p>She felt Felix's careful hand pat her on the back.It made the situation even funnier.Estoc, intrigued by the smell of chicken, hid at the sounds Mia was making.</p><p>"Okay," Mia said, recovering as best as she could."I'm fine."</p><p>Sylvain was staring at her.His mouth was open in a grin."What did they do?"</p><p>Mia flapped her hand and shook her head."I can't."</p><p>Felix and his father were both avoiding looking at anyone.Rodrigue got cutlery out of a drawer and Felix poured fries onto a plate.They worked in scarlet silence.</p><p>"The duel was amazing, by the way," Mia said."Sylvain, do you know--do you--" she was going to laugh again, and her voice was getting so high pitched she was probably going to start hearing dogs barking "--how to <em>handle a sword?</em>"</p><p>Sylvain hooted with laughter."Mia!Felix, oh my God!Where did you <em>find</em> her?"</p><p>Felix didn't say anything.Rodrigue wore an expression of disapproval.</p><p>It didn't matter to Mia, she needed an outlet, and was suddenly so glad for Sylvain."What's even less likely is that he even met Lon'qu!You should've seen it, they had an <em>actual</em> duel!"</p><p>"Didn't you record it?" Sylvain asked.</p><p>"Oh, right!You will get to see it."Mia thanked Felix when he handed her a plate of fries, and held it up for Sylvain to drop a chicken leg onto.</p><p>"I don't think I'll be able to watch it," Rodrigue said.</p><p>"No one offered to show it to you, old man," Felix said.</p><p>Sylvain stole a fry from Mia's plate, perhaps as payment for giving her a portion of chicken.He gave her a significant look, almost like he was asking if she was okay.Mia smiled in reply, and ducked around him to take a bun and some cutlery from Rodrigue.He was trying to tell Felix that he cared, and Felix was grumbling that he hadn't even needed to tell his father about the duel in the first place.</p><p>"Who wants the other leg?" Sylvain asked, loudly."I'm not picky.Mia, what are you going to drink?"</p><p>They sorted out the chicken in tense silence.It improved after they sat down at the dining room table to eat.Mia tried to eat politely, and not shove as many fries into her mouth as she could fit at a time.It was hard to slow down.She realized that she was starving.</p><p>"Tell me about yourself, Miss Cecile," Rodrigue asked, right after Mia had shoved a chunk of meat and seven fries into her face.</p><p>Mia tried to chew and swallow as fast as she could.In the meantime she glanced at Felix, who looked <em>furious</em>."Oh, I--make jewellery.It's been selling well since Ingrid's parties!I've got more followers online, too."</p><p>"That's very good news," Rodrigue said."Do you do that exclusively, or to supplement your day-job, or..." He trailed off, not in an ill-meaning way.</p><p>"Just that!I live with my parents, so I've been able to start slow," Mia said.She hoped that would be the end of that. </p><p>"That's fortunate for you.What are they like?"</p><p>Mia hated being put on the spot."Oh.Well, we've got a small farm.A few sheep."This told him nothing about what her parents were like as people, but she was sure he was reaching conclusions all on his own.</p><p>Sylvain leaned an elbow on the table."You write, too.How much did you get done last month?"</p><p>"Oh.Well.About two hundred thousand words," Mia said.</p><p>"Do you think you'll ever try to publish?" Sylvain asked.</p><p>Felix put his wine close to his mouth and muttered, "Not helping."</p><p>"Oh, no one told me you also write," Rodrigue said, as though anyone had even told him that she and Felix were dating.</p><p>"I might.We'll see.I have a ton to rewrite and revise," Mia said. </p><p>"What sort of genre do you write?" Rodrigue asked, leaning forward.</p><p>Sylvain's smirk was so big that Mia just knew he was about to stir up all kinds of shit. </p><p>"Erotica, right?"</p><p>Felix began coughing on his wine.Rodrigue looked horrified.</p><p>"Fantasy," Mia corrected, and realized that probably wasn't much better in the eyes of Saint Rodrigue.</p><p>"Cool!So, high fantasy?Urban?Magical realism?" Sylvain began listing.</p><p>"Urban," Mia said.</p><p>"Right, that explains--" Felix began, and cut himself off.He was clearly thinking about their earlier conversation about vampires.</p><p>Sylvain nodded."If you do ever decide to write erotica, I'll happily beta for you.I've got experience."</p><p>"Shut <em>up</em>," Felix groaned.</p><p>"It's probably going to be a long while before I attempt to write the next <em>Passion in the Willows</em>," Mia said.</p><p>Sylvain snickered."Isn't that the smut book?"</p><p>"From Corner Gas?" Mia said."Yeah."</p><p>"Please, can we not talk about these things at the table?" Rodrigue asked.</p><p>"Smut reader.Supple buttocks," Sylvain was saying."<em>Ample</em> bosom."</p><p>"It's from a tv show," Felix enunciated, like Rodrigue was hard of hearing.</p><p>"It's not a real smut book," Sylvain assured him, as Mia said, "'Today I thought we'd read the manual for my toaster oven!'"</p><p>She and Sylvain laughed, while Felix rolled his eyes and Rodrigue looked helpless.They came to a stop when they both realized, at the same time, that their references were unappreciated.</p><p>"That's like, the only episode I remember," Sylvain said.</p><p>"I wonder why <em>that</em> is," Felix drawled.</p><p>Sylvain ignored him."That and the fish one.'Kiss me, fish man!'"</p><p>"Once again, not surprising," Felix said.</p><p>"Maybe if you talked like Hank when he's fishing, and wore a vest with pockets you'd have better luck," Mia told Sylvain.</p><p>"<em>Now</em> you tell me, after you're already dating Felix," Sylvain said. </p><p>Now Mia rolled her eyes.Sylvain laughed and Rodrigue cleared his throat.He made an attempt to steer them back into a polite conversation, which just caused the atmosphere in the room to get all tense and formal again.When they were done eating, and had stacked the plates in the dishwasher, there was another awkward moment.</p><p>"Can I leave you with these two?" Rodrigue asked Mia.</p><p>"I can handle them," Mia said.Did he really trust them so little?How did he treat Ingrid when she was here?</p><p>"I know--" Rodrigue said, "I'm not implying that they aren't trustworthy, just--"</p><p>"It sounded like you were," Felix snarled.</p><p>"Fine, I'm sorry," Rodrigue said."I'll leave you young people to have some time for yourselves.Will Ingrid arrive soon?"</p><p>"Yeah," Sylvain said."Anytime."</p><p>Rodrigue nodded, and looked uncomfortable, and left.Mia was kind of glad.</p><p>Sylvain draped an arm over her shoulders."So, you can handle both of us, can you?"</p><p>Mia lifted his arm off of her and rolled her eyes."Oh, my God."</p><p>"I can lend you a sword," Felix offered.He didn't look quite relaxed yet, and it made Mia sad.She got along pretty well with her parents, and it was weird to think that this sort of evening was normal for Felix.</p><p>"Thanks," she said. </p><p>They all moved to the couch.Felix sat in the middle, with Mia on his right and Sylvain on his left.</p><p>"So what was the fight about this time?" Sylvain asked.</p><p>"I'm not talking about it," Felix said, bristling.</p><p>"I'm guessing it was Mia.Does he not approve?"Sylvain's voice got a little hard edge to it, which made Mia feel a strange twinge of gratitude, that he was ready to defend her.</p><p>"I can't even tell.But that's not--" Felix said."It was my fault this time, and we're leaving it at that."</p><p>"Felix, I Hlove you, but it usually is your fault," Sylvain said.</p><p>Felix shoved him.</p><p>They talked about Ruin and the other cats until Ingrid arrived.She was exhausted after her drive.They had one drink while she gobbled up leftovers from the fridge, then she commanded everyone to go to bed.</p><p>"It's not even eleven," Sylvain whined.</p><p>"And tomorrow night we're staying up later," Ingrid said."We're getting proper sleep, no complaints.Mia drove through traffic, Felix had a sword fight, <em>I </em>just drove through traffic.<em>We're</em> all tired."</p><p>"I'm fine," Felix said.</p><p>"Go to bed," Ingrid ordered him.</p><p>He leaned his head back."Fine."</p><p>They all wished each other good night and dispersed. </p><p>Mia would have liked it if they could have stayed up later, until she was completely, absolutely, dead tired.Instead, when she had finished brushing her teeth and changed into her nightgown and gotten into the strange-smelling guest bed, her mind began to race.Every sound--cats padding on the carpet, a door shutting down the hall, her own breathing--was magnified.Mia hated it.She was comfortable, she was in a safe, fancy house, everything was clean and <em>fine</em>.She watched the clock.Spinach Puff batted at something. </p><p>The hours passed.Mia was never going to get any sleep.She was going to be miserable the next day, and have an awful time.Her unhappiness turned into despair, which turned into desperation.She got up and paced to the washroom.She paced back to her room.She felt alone and broken. </p><p><em>It's fine if you just don't sleep</em>, Mia told herself.And usually, it worked, if she wasn't in a strange place, if she didn't really, really want to be awake the next day.She wanted to cry.It was hard to breathe.There were other people here.She was fine.They didn't want to be bothered.Mia would be fine.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix woke up when Estoc stepped on his throat.He tried to throw her off as kindly as possible, reaching for his phone to get the time.It was still dark--Estoc couldn't possibly think it was breakfast and if she did, then she was in for a disappointing time.</p><p>She meowed.Felix sat up and thought he heard movement in the hall outside his door, which was, as usual, open just enough to allow for the cats to come and go as they pleased.He got up, checking the time as he did.<em>2:56</em>.Felix stumbled to the door and swung into the hall, hanging onto the doorframe.Someone was out roaming around.</p><p>"Huh?" he said.</p><p>The person turned around.Felix blinked.</p><p>"Sorry!"It was Mia.</p><p>"Did you knock?" Felix asked.He hadn't heard, but it would explain why Estoc had stomped on his windpipe.</p><p>"Yeah.I'm sorry."</p><p>"What's wrong?"Felix frowned, and Mia came a little closer.His eyes were adjusting to being awake and in the low lights of the hall, it looked like Mia was very upset.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I'm such a baby, I hate it--I don't want to bother you--"</p><p>"Are you <em>crying?"</em> Felix looked up and down the hall."Come in."</p><p>Mia followed him into his room, hugging her arms around her waist.Felix put a lamp on the dresser on, so that he could see that Mia <em>was</em> crying.Her eyes were all red and she wiped them with the back of her hand, making her skin shine with wetness.</p><p>"What's wrong?" Felix asked again, closing his door without even thinking about it. </p><p>"Oh," Mia said, clearly thinking about it.</p><p>Felix glanced at it, then down at himself.Sweatpants and a t-shirt--it was fine.Perfectly decent."Well?"</p><p>Mia sniffed."Okay, I'm sorry, I just--do you ever have trouble getting to sleep?"</p><p>Felix often had dreams that he really wished he didn't, but that wasn't the same thing."No," he said.</p><p>"Okay," Mia said."Well.I just--in new places--sometimes at home, too--my sleep cycle isn't really a cycle it's like a dartboard and I never know what the next two weeks are going to be like, sleeping.Anyway I just--can't sleep."</p><p>"Do you--don't <em>stand</em> there," Felix said.Somehow, the way she was just standing in front of him, holding her arms around herself, was making him agitated.He lead by example, sitting on the edge of the bed.Mia sat beside him, leaving plenty of space between them.</p><p>Was she here for--but they'd talked about it.Neither of them were ready for <em>that</em>.</p><p>"Do you want tea or something?" Felix asked."I'm not the best at comforting."</p><p>"I don't need tea, just--" Mia was shaking."When we were--at the movies--and you--you <em>are</em> comforting--"</p><p>Felix sighed, telling himself that he was frustrated with this whole thing."What do you want."</p><p>"I don't know--just--company?I'm sorry, I don't want to keep you awake."</p><p>"Just company?" Felix repeated.</p><p>Mia nodded."I don't know--I'm panicking a little, and I feel--I keep beating myself up for not being able to sleep--"</p><p>"It's fine if you don't."</p><p>"I <em>know</em> that, I tell myself that all the time and I just--"</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."Ingrid wasn't helping, was she?"</p><p>"I guess not," Mia said, softly.</p><p>"Do you feel better talking to me?"</p><p>"I think so.I feel--less alone."She looked at him, her eyes big and red-rimmed and pleading."I'm sorry."</p><p>He rubbed his hand over his face.He really wasn't frustrated."Don't be sorry.You're upset.It's fine.I'll keep you company."</p><p>"But--I really do want to sleep, and I don't want to keep you--"</p><p>"Here," Felix held his hand out.She put her hand, tentatively, in his.He snatched it, pulled his covers back, and got into bed."I'll be here, okay?If you need a reminder, just let me know."</p><p>He tugged on her hand, and Mia glanced at the door."What?"</p><p>"Just--it's fine if you sleep in here.Estoc will probably try to suffocate you, though."</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>Felix gave her some room, by inching to the left side of the bed.In doing so, he pulled more at her hand, his grip on it still tight enough that she ended up scooting closer.</p><p>"I don't mind," he said."You can wake me up if I fall asleep.Just--stop wandering the halls like you're haunting the place."</p><p>Mia actually smiled a bit at that."I--thank you."She slid into the bed beside him, and he pulled the covers up over them both.He didn't let go of her hand.</p><p>"Is this a panic attack?" Felix asked.</p><p>"It might've turned into one," Mia said.</p><p>"It happens like this when you're at home, too?"Felix wondered if that was why she usually wasn't on the computer later than ten at night. </p><p>"Yeah," Mia whispered."Sometimes.Sometimes I sleep just great.Sometimes I fall asleep at midnight and wake up every hour.Sometimes I have two months where no matter how early I get to bed, or turn off my screens, or whatever, I can't fall asleep before two."</p><p>"Shouldn't you see a doctor?" Felix said.It sounded like she could use some melatonin or something, but he wasn't an expert.</p><p>Mia's hand fidgeted in his, so Felix adjusted his grip to lace his fingers between hers. </p><p>"It's not like I have a job that it's affecting.And I wake up around nine-thirty and do fine during the day, unless I've had a night where I don't sleep at all."</p><p>"And you sleep worse if you put pressure on yourself?"</p><p>"Yeah.At home if I can't sleep I'll read or something--I brought a notebook but--"</p><p>"You can borrow something of mine," Felix offered.</p><p>"No, I mean--I'd like to actually sleep."</p><p>Felix looked over at her.She was staring at the ceiling, her chest still rising and falling pretty fast."If this is too stressful, you don't have to stay with me."</p><p>He saw her close her eyes, take in a deep breath."No, I'm feeling better.I'm calming down."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>"Thank you," Mia whispered.</p><p>"Should've offered you a kleenex or something," Felix realized.</p><p>"I'm fine," Mia said. </p><p>"Estoc's going to lick your face," Felix warned her.The cat in question was pacing the floor at the foot of the bed.Felix reached to the nightstand for a kleenex, tugging a couple out and handing them to Mia.She wiped her cheeks and blew her nose.</p><p>"Thanks.So Estoc sleeps with you?I've never had a pet indoors--an indoor pet that slept with me," Mia clarified.</p><p>"It's not all it's cracked up to be," Felix murmured."Was Spinach Puff bugging you?"Estoc jumped onto the bed, looking offended that Mia dared to still be there.</p><p>"Oh!Kind of.He was batting at something."</p><p>"His mousey-mouse," Felix sighed."He ripped the bell out.It's a husk now."Estoc cautiously walked over to Felix's left and lay in the curve of his arm.</p><p>"Mmm, he knows what to do with a mouse," Mia said.</p><p>Felix laughed softly."A wildman.You brought a wildman into my diva's home."</p><p>"<em>Aristocats</em>," Mia said.</p><p>"Shut up--I watched that so much," Felix said."Stretched out the VHS."</p><p>"Are you going to adopt all the cats?Let them have a rave in your huge garage?"Mia looked--and sounded--much calmer.Felix smiled.</p><p>"Yeah, that's just what I'm going to do."</p><p>They shared a quiet laugh.</p><p>"Hey, can you tell me a bit about how your story goes?" Felix asked.Not only did he want to know, but he thought it might be familiar enough to her to keep her calm.Maybe not enough to sleep, but he'd consider it a win if she just dozed a bit in the early morning.</p><p>Mia bit her lip."Okay.Well, it starts out with these childhood friends."</p><p>Softly, she told him the beginning of her story, about the symbolism she was trying to build early on, the characters' relationships, and the growing mystery as the world cycled into a version of itself that had more magic in it.She talked, and Felix asked her questions, until both of them were yawning.Felix closed his eyes, just to rest them.Dimly he thought that Mia's voice was trailing off, the gaps between her ideas growing longer and longer.At some point, he fell asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am so surprised that it took me this long before I cracked and threw in a Corner Gas reference. The episodes mentioned are 'Reader Pride' from s6 and 'Hook, Line, and Sinker' from s1. It's my fic and I can do whatever I want. :p</p><p>I was like, 'is sticking to my outline and having them side by side in bed the Right decision for this story?' and because I've been thinking about it for about 2 months the answer was 'hhhyeah it is'</p><p>The title and delightful summary lyrics are from 'Wish You Were Here' by Marianas Trench, and it IS a bop, you should listen to it. Felix is wrong about Phantoms, the whole album is spectacular.</p><p>I'm going to be without Internet for the last stretch of May, so this will probably be the last update before June. But the next chapter is going to be a big one!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. i was dreamin' when i wrote this</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>forgive me if it goes astray</p>
<p>Dawn of the Final Day (of the year)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia's dream about her characters all talking over her--she was her protagonist, but she was also watching him--got steadily more heated.They began to argue.They began to transform.Swords were drawn from their sheaths with metallic shrieks.Lon'qu and Felix duelled.Mia had to raise her sword to block a strike from Felix.A woman screamed--Mia fell backwards, landing hard.</p>
<p>She woke with a start, heart pounding like she really <em>had </em>just fallen.She hadn't realized she'd been asleep, and the screaming continued for a couple of seconds before reshaping itself into the sound of a cat meowing plaintively.</p>
<p>Mia turned her head, and came nose-to-nose with Felix.She blinked her eyes wider, her body going entirely rigid.She was half on her side, one arm twisted up with her hand beside her head.The other was at her side, fingers still entwined with Felix's.Her whole left arm was numb.</p>
<p><em>Guess I fell asleep after all</em>, Mia thought.She held her breath, not wanting to wake him up but also pretty confident that she should not stay there any longer than she already had. </p>
<p>"Est--" Felix murmured."Nng."His nose crinkled when Mia exhaled.His eyes opened, a little at a time.Mia tried to move her blood-deprived fingers.</p>
<p>Felix grunted and tried to sit up in a hurry, propping himself up on an elbow and tipping forward, getting dark hair in his face and Mia's.She jerked away, but her numb hand pulled Felix with her, making him fall partly on her.Their heads bumped together.</p>
<p>"Fuck," Felix gasped.</p>
<p>"Shit!Sorry!" </p>
<p>"I can't--move my fucking <em>fingers</em>--" Felix growled, prying their hands apart with his left.Mia shook her arm, trying to get her blood to flow into it.It flopped around uselessly, like Wesley in <em>The Princess Bride</em>."Old man's going to <em>kill</em> me if he knew you were here," Felix muttered.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Mia whispered.She flexed her fingers, finally getting some feeling back in them.That feeling was a million hot needles of fiery pain.She hissed.</p>
<p>Felix held onto his wrist and carefully unclenched his bent fingers."Hrgh, no, just joking--you sleep?"</p>
<p>"I did," Mia said, pushing hair out of her face and looking at Felix.He smiled at his hand.His bangs were a mess, even more chaotic than usual.Long strands fell in front of his eyes, over his cheeks.He tried to blow them away, but failed, and ended up shaking his head.That just messed his hair up more.</p>
<p>At the door, Estoc demanded to be let out into the hall.</p>
<p>"Yes, your Grace," Felix sighed.He got up, thumped his foot on the corner of the bed, and swore his way to his cat.He opened the door enough to stick his head out.</p>
<p>Mia ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to tidy it.She tugged her nightgown, making sure it was covering her butt before she swung her legs over the edge of the bed.</p>
<p>She froze when she saw Felix's arm frantically waving on this side of the door.</p>
<p>"Ah, Felix." Rodrigue's voice was alarmingly close."Good morning."</p>
<p>"Do you want something?" Felix growled.His hand got more frantic.Mia jumped to her feet and looked around for somewhere to hide, panic sirens wailing in her head. </p>
<p>"No, no, but I was curious.You've never shut your door fully before, have you?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, well," Felix's voice dripped with derision, "I thought you'd <em>disapprove</em> of me leaving it open like some kind of invitation to <em>fuck</em>."</p>
<p>Mia almost screamed at his wording, but flung open his armoire and slipped inside, pulling the door closed after her.Inside were some jackets and a prodigious collection of longswords, all leaning against the back of the armoire.Mia awkwardly pressed against them, listening for an okay from Felix.</p>
<p>"Felix, please let's not go through this again.You know how I feel about the language, too."</p>
<p>One of the swords Mia was hiding near began to slide to the bottom of the armoire, the sheath scraping against the wood.Mia reached out and caught it.</p>
<p>"Hm?What was that?"</p>
<p>"What?" Felix said.To his credit, he sounded quite unaffected.</p>
<p>"I thought I heard something."</p>
<p>"Probably a cat," Felix said.Mia heard a distant meow.</p>
<p>"But they're both out here," Rodrigue said.Mia wanted to bang her head repeatedly on the door.</p>
<p>She heard a sigh."I don't know what you heard, old man.Are you going to bother me all morning, or can I get dressed?"</p>
<p>"Yes, I suppose.Shall I put the coffee on for you?"</p>
<p>"<em>Thank you</em>," Felix snapped, "don't make it so weak this time."</p>
<p>There was quiet, then Felix slammed his door closed and yanked open the door of the armoire.He pulled Mia out, and half of the swords followed her, heavy handles thumping loudly on the bottom of the armoire.Felix swore.The rest of the swords--there had to be at least thirty in total--joined their fallen comrades.Footsteps returned in the hallway.Felix pointed desperately at the bed.</p>
<p>Mia could take a hint.She dropped to the floor and scooched under the bed, where she was face-to-face with even more swords.She attempted to slither over them to get further out of sight.</p>
<p>"Felix, what was that?Is everything all right?"</p>
<p>"Fine.Tried to grab a jacket and just--"</p>
<p>Shadows playing across the carpet told Mia that Felix had backed up to the edge of the bed, to allow his father room to enter and view the carnage.Mia shut her eyes, desperately asking for the help of a god that was perhaps more merciful, yet equal in power to Rodrigue's deity of choice, to keep her hidden.</p>
<p>Rodrigue clearly was stifling a laugh."I didn't even realize you had so many--don't you have somewhere better to put them?"</p>
<p>"I was going to make something," Felix said.</p>
<p>"With Ingrid's help, I should <em>hope</em>!"</p>
<p>Felix's eye-roll was evident in his tone when he answered, "I know what I'm doing now."</p>
<p>"Yes, of course, and you can--you can look up the simplest things online these days," Rodrigue said."Although, the number of tutorials available for a large-capacity <em>sword rack</em> might be a little scarce."</p>
<p>"Are you done."</p>
<p>"Yes, yes.I can't help but think of when you moved out for school and--tried to build your desk from IKEA by yourself."</p>
<p>Felix groaned, but collected himself quickly to say, "Can you really talk?Don't you remember the treehouse?"</p>
<p>"Ah," Rodrigue said."You have a point."</p>
<p>"Glenn broke his arm," Felix pointed out.</p>
<p>"I remember," Rodrigue said. </p>
<p>"I could've died.Go put the coffee on, already," Felix snapped. </p>
<p>"Yes, of course," Rodrigue said, quietly.The door clicked closed, softer than before.</p>
<p>Felix crouched down at the side of the bed, making Mia jump."Try not to cause another disaster."</p>
<p>"You're the one who puts swords willy-nilly in with his clothes," Mia grumbled, trying to disentangle her sleeve from the hilt of some fancy blade.</p>
<p>"Don't you start." </p>
<p>Mia crawled out from under the bed, pushing swords back underneath that tried to follow her out."It's like a horror movie in here.Everywhere you turn: swords."</p>
<p>"Very funny."Felix began gathering his fallen weapons in his arms, and dropped them onto the bed.Aside from that, his room appeared neat, but Mia guessed that his philosophy when it came to cleaning was 'throw everything into a drawer and forget about it'.She stretched and asked if Felix needed any help.</p>
<p>"No, just give me a second and I'll make sure the coast is clear."</p>
<p>Mia nodded, but Felix's attention was on his poor swords, so she looked around at the room.There were blades on display on the walls, gleaming silver.Mia noticed some photographs on the dresser.Her gaze landed on a picture of two dark-haired boys, one in his teens and the other much younger, looking like he'd just been crying.They were clearly up North, standing in front of an old cottage with dark brown siding.</p>
<p>"Is this you and your brother?" Mia asked, quietly.</p>
<p>Behind her, Felix stiffened."Yeah.Glenn."</p>
<p>Mia didn't know what to say, because she didn't know how long ago or how Glenn had died.But it was obvious it still hurt Felix.</p>
<p>"He's where you got your taste in music from," she said.</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>Mia didn't have anything else to say.She swallowed and studied the picture, the way Felix used to look, his face rounder and babyish.His brother had the same similar, sharp face that Felix and their father had now, but looked less severe. </p>
<p>"Is that all you have to say?" Felix demanded.He threw the last of his swords on the bed and joined Mia at the dresser.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry--I don't know what I--"</p>
<p>Felix huffed."Most people like to tell me how alike we look."</p>
<p>"Oh," Mia said.It was hard to read him, to guess what he wanted from her.She looked from Felix, back to the picture."But what's the point of that?It's obvious you're family, but you look like you."</p>
<p>Felix relaxed."Yeah.Why can't they get that?"</p>
<p>Mia guessed she'd said the right thing, but wished she understood what it all meant to Felix.She supposed he would talk about it when he was ready to.</p>
<p>"I'll check the hall," Felix said.He yawned and turned to the door, sticking his head out and then nodding to Mia.She padded across the carpet, stopping just in front of him.</p>
<p>"Thanks," she whispered.One side of his mouth quirked up. </p>
<p>"Glad I could help," he said."Go, quick.Old man's probably on his way back to wake you up or something."</p>
<p>Mia went.Felix shut the door behind her, sharply.Mia kept her laugh silent and headed back to her room.On her way, the door to another guest room swung open.</p>
<p>Ingrid blinked at Mia."Oh, morning!You look--are you coming from," she trailed off, looking significantly at Felix's shut door.</p>
<p>"I--" Mia didn't know enough about Ingrid to say what the other woman was thinking, but she also wanted to make it clear that this wasn't a walk of shame, as it were.Still, if Mia insisted that nothing had happened then it would only make it look more like something <em>had</em>.</p>
<p>"I don't think I realized how close you'd gotten," Ingrid said, her cheeks tinged pink.</p>
<p>"No, there wasn't," Mia said, and hung her head.She didn't want to be here, having this talk, and clearly, neither did Ingrid."I can't sleep in new places," she finished, feeling it didn't explain enough but unwilling to go into more detail.</p>
<p>Ingrid frowned."Huh.Well, he is kind at heart.I guess you know that by now."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Mia said, daring to smile.</p>
<p>"Better get down for breakfast, anyway," Ingrid told her. </p>
<p>Mia nodded and slipped back to her room to get dressed, not in her party-wear yet, just the same jeans as the day before and a bluish plaid shirt.</p>
<p>When she got out into the hall, she bumped into Sylvain, who was looking surprisingly put-together despite still being in his pyjamas. </p>
<p>"Morning, Mia," he said with a wink."Sleep okay on your own?"</p>
<p>"F-fine," Mia said.She couldn't believe that everyone in the house knew where she'd been overnight.Terrible.</p>
<p>"Sorry, said I'd stop flirting.Easy to fluster you in the morning," Sylvain chatted, falling into step with Mia as she made her way downstairs.Maybe he didn't know.Mia tried to feel relieved.</p>
<p>In the kitchen there was a strong smell of acidic coffee.A large electric kettle was steaming on the counter and Ingrid was getting out a set of minimalistic white cups.They were the most boring mugs Mia had ever seen, which meant that they were probably designer.</p>
<p>They all greeted each other good morning. </p>
<p>"Do you take tea, or coffee?" Rodrigue asked Mia.</p>
<p>"Coffee," Mia said.</p>
<p>"It should be ready, soon."</p>
<p>Ingrid and Sylvain picked out tea, and poured water.Rodrigue took tea, as well.</p>
<p>"Hey, princess, rough night?" Sylvain chuckled as Felix appeared in the doorway.His hair was back in its usual ponytail but he had a tired, sullen look with the bags under his eyes. </p>
<p>"Fuck off," Felix snapped."Are the cats fed?"</p>
<p>They were not, so Felix prepared their dishes and set them apart on the floor near the fridge.The cats were at his feet the whole time, winding around his legs and meowing pathetically. </p>
<p>"Felix, I keep <em>asking </em>you to mind your language," Rodrigue said, sounding exhausted. </p>
<p>"I'm not a kid."Felix crouched between his cats, reaching out to stroke them both.Estoc began to loudly grumble and Spinach Puff just sped up eating.Felix stood and turned to glare at the room."Is the goddamn coffee done?"</p>
<p>Rodrigue's mouth pulled awkwardly to the side."That isn't--an improvement--"</p>
<p>"Then stop complaining."Felix grabbed the pot of coffee and an empty cup and began to pour.Mia poured some milk into a cup, enough to cover the bottom, and Felix extended his arm to begin filling it, too.</p>
<p>The liquid inside immediately became an awful sludge colour.</p>
<p>"Stop, stop!I'm going to have to cut this with water!"When Felix stopped pouring, Mia put her nose over the cup to sniff.It was awful.She had a tentative sip."This is--it's thick--how strong do you usually make it?"</p>
<p>"Oh, yeah, should've warned you Felix likes it strong," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Rodrigue cleared his throat."I used one scoop per cup."</p>
<p>"Wow, you actually did it right for once," Felix drawled.He was sipping his vile sludge black, looking content.He leaned his head back, closing his eyes, <em>savouring</em> it. </p>
<p>Mia asked if there was any water left in the kettle.She topped up her coffee with that, sighing in relief when the liquid became a warm, pleasant brown.</p>
<p>"I forgot how weak your family makes it," Felix said."What's the point?"</p>
<p>"The uh, <em>flavour?</em>You can actually taste the coffee?As opposed to this bitter swamp goo?"</p>
<p>"Why do any of you drink coffee at all?" Ingrid mused.</p>
<p>Felix had another sip."The point is that I can feel this waking me up?I didn't insult your parents' coffee-flavoured water."</p>
<p>"You're right, I'm so sorry for slandering this poison," Mia said.</p>
<p>"I find this hard to believe," Rodrigue said."Felix, not insult someone?"</p>
<p>Mia nodded."He was very restrained.Polite, even."</p>
<p>"That's not the Felix I know," Rodrigue scoffed.</p>
<p>"Shut up," Felix said, "my rude girlfriend is complimenting me."</p>
<p>"You know someone's rude <em>when</em>," Sylvain teased.</p>
<p>Mia laughed."Felix was totally sweet when he met my parents.Very patient dealing with their weirdness.I'm so lucky.I could learn from you, Felix."</p>
<p>"You sure fucking can," Felix said."Do you have anything else to say about my coffee preferences?"</p>
<p>"If I wanted something that strong I'd just chew tobacco."</p>
<p>Felix smirked.They both sipped their coffee."Is it better now?"</p>
<p>"Yes, the water helps.Delicious coffee, Mr. Fraldarius."</p>
<p>"Hmm." Rodrigue looked hard at Mia and Felix, the two of them leaning back against the counter drinking their coffees.If he had any thoughts on this whole exchange, he kept them to himself.</p>
<p>They ate breakfast, then Rodrigue disappeared to a back room to work and Ingrid gathered the rest of them to begin setting up for the party.Ingrid and Felix went to her car for decorations--Felix grumbling about the need for them--after she commanded Sylvain and Mia to prepare the kitchen for drink-mixing and food.</p>
<p>"You better have picked up the snacks I told you to get."Ingrid's threat was directed at Felix.A lesser man might have quailed under her intensity.Or perhaps Felix was immune to her after a lifetime of exposure. </p>
<p>"You're as over-prepared as Sylvain.We don't need half the shit on your list."</p>
<p>"Did you get it or not?"</p>
<p>Felix growled that yes, he had.In the meantime, Sylvain was instructing Mia on how he wanted glasses arranged for the drink station.She dutifully gathered them from cabinets and set them out while he set up the necessary tools for mixing cocktails. </p>
<p>"Wine here, beer there, hard liquor on the other side of these glasses," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Ingrid interrupted them to get Mia's help with decorating, with gold streamers that she put above the windows and doorways.Felix grumbled that they'd have to just take everything down the next day, but brought dining chairs for the girls to stand on so that they could reach the curtain rods. </p>
<p>"There's only going to be eight of us, I don't see the point," Felix said, wincing as Ingrid began scattering golden sequins on every flat surface.</p>
<p>"Ten," Ingrid corrected him.She handed over the Ziploc of sequins so that Mia could continue, and dashed off to the kitchen.</p>
<p>"Wait, ten?"Felix called after Ingrid."What do you mean, ten?"</p>
<p>Mia shrugged.Sylvain had just said that there would be a couple people she hadn't met yet, but that most of the guests would be familiar to her.They certainly had enough alcohol and food for ten. </p>
<p>Still, Felix looked anxious and followed Ingrid, presumably to get the full guest list.Mia went on coating tables in glitter, hoping that the cats were smart enough not to try and eat it.Spinach Puff was playing with the end of a streamer that dangled down in front of the window. </p>
<p>Mia picked up the cat, her fingers sinking deep into his thick fur.She told him how pretty he was and Spinach Puff happily soaked up all the praise. </p>
<p>Once everything was set up to Ingrid's satisfaction, the group had a break for lunch.Rodrigue emerged from his office, blinking at all the gold decor that had sprung up in his absence.</p>
<p>"Well.It's definitely festive," he said.</p>
<p>"We'll take it all down," Ingrid promised.</p>
<p>Rodrigue smiled."I know, you've always cleaned up after having friends over.I hope you all have a good time."</p>
<p>He was, apparently, just going off to work.Mia would have asked Felix about it--and what they did--but he seemed to be in a bad mood.Ingrid had busied herself and everyone else, and as far as Mia could tell had not given Felix an answer about the extra guests.Soon Sylvain was talking about a show he'd started watching over the holidays and the conversation veered away from the party.After eating, the four of them tidied up and got changed into what they wanted to wear for the evening.</p>
<p>Mia put on her black jeans that she'd worn to the Shepherds' end-of-November celebration, and a shiny gold sleeveless top.A black blazer went over that in case she was cold.Lastly, Mia decorated with an assortment of gold and black rings and a pendant she'd made with shiny black jasper beads.She felt ready to <em>ring</em> in the New Year.</p>
<p>"Someone fits in with the decor," Sylvain said when he saw her.He had finally gotten out of his pyjamas and was wearing a dark shirt with a subtle, metallic pattern that you didn't really notice until the light hit it right.It drew Mia's eye up to his flaming orange hair.</p>
<p>"I didn't know Ingrid was going to turn the place into El Dorado," Mia said, looking down at her gold top.She worried that it was too low.</p>
<p>"No, I think it's perfect," Sylvain said."You look like you belong here."</p>
<p>Mia blushed. </p>
<p>Ingrid was wearing a light, satiny shirt and--Mia was delighted to see--the ring she'd bought from her.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Ingrid said, taking a moment to admire it on her finger, "I love it.I almost wish I had more excuses to wear it."</p>
<p>"Aren't you going to wear it for your birthday?" Felix asked.He was spread out on the couch, wearing a black vest over a white shirt.His hair was unchanged except for a scrap of velvet around the elastic.He looked like a sulky waiter.</p>
<p>"Oh!I guess I will," Ingrid said.She explained to Mia, "It's the fourth--so Monday I'm going out with everyone from Ailell.Hey--you're so nearby, you could come too, if you wanted.We're just going for dinner."</p>
<p>Mia nodded."You mean with Leonie, and Marianne?"</p>
<p>"That's right, and Ferdinand," Ingrid said."It's just a small thing."</p>
<p>"That sounds fun," Mia said.She laughed."Felix, you should be wearing your ring."</p>
<p>Sylvain snorted, and Felix frowned at his hand."I suppose this is an occasion."</p>
<p>"You don't have to," Mia said.</p>
<p>He raised his eyebrows and moved his legs so that Mia could sit next to him on the couch."Are you hoping to sell more tonight?You're wearing your entire fucking store."</p>
<p>"It's three rings," Mia said.</p>
<p>"Seems like overkill to me," Felix told her.</p>
<p>"This is New Year's Eve, it's kill or be killed."Mia splayed her fingers and examined her jewellery."And if someone happens to want to buy one, then all the better."</p>
<p>Ingrid asked if she could see, and ousted Felix from the couch to sit next to Mia.Felix mumbled something about Spinach Puff and left the room.Sylvain bent over Mia's shoulder to see as well, his breath tickling her ear when he asked Ingrid if she was going to buy one.</p>
<p>"I'm happy with mine for now," she said. </p>
<p>"I'm really not planning to sell any of these," Mia said.</p>
<p>After a while, Felix returned.On his pinky was the teal and navy blue ring he'd bought from Mia up North.</p>
<p>"That's adorable," Sylvain said."It's even your colour."</p>
<p>"Shut up."Felix's face was red.</p>
<p>Mia grinned."You really don't have to wear it."</p>
<p>"Yeah?What if I want to?" Felix demanded.</p>
<p>"Then I'd be very happy," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix blushed deeper."This is a waste of time.Can't we be doing something?"</p>
<p>"Everything's set up," Sylvain said."Wasting time is all there is to do."</p>
<p>"Then let's waste it better.I hate this."</p>
<p>Ingrid rolled her eyes and asked if he'd rather play a game or something.They ended up agreeing to play Mario Kart until the first guest arrived.The four of them swore and threatened to destroy each other.</p>
<p>"Didn't realize you were so fucking competitive," Felix said, after winning the third race in a row and Mia had threatened him with a thousand blue shells.</p>
<p>"You saw me write two hundred <em>thousand</em> words just to prove I was better than Virion," Mia said."Pick the next course.Pick it.You're going down, punkass."</p>
<p>"Not likely, Toadette," Felix snorted.</p>
<p>"I'll switch to Toad," Sylvain said."We'll get him, together."</p>
<p>"I'll take all three of you out," Felix said. </p>
<p>"Don't involve me, I'm just having a good time," Ingrid said.She was playing as Isabelle, and had already won as often as Felix.</p>
<p>"They give you three red shells at a time for a reason," Felix said.</p>
<p>Sylvain laughed."Big talk for someone playing Link."</p>
<p>"Eat shell, asshole."</p>
<p>Mia grinned, hoping that the party would be even half as fun as the time she was having with the three friends, now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>started writing this and was like ~tra la la today i will give Felix a hoarding problem~</p>
<p>posting this in 2 parts because i'm still not finished and it was getting close to 7k</p>
<p>don't ASK me about the layout of the Fraldarius mansion i do not KNOW what it looks like. mansions. have halls and doors, right? a whole assload of guest rooms? am I, perhaps, describing a hotel?<br/>Living it up at the Hotel Fraldarius~any time of year~you can find it here~</p>
<p>I have a <a href="https://recurringwriter.tumblr.com">blog</a> where i may or may not post things, relevant or otherwise, to this story.</p>
<p>the title is from 1999 by Prince, because New Year's and also I have been singing it since the toilet paper fiasco reminded me of Y2K</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. honey don't feed it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>how many times do i have to write hors d'oeuvres before it gets easier</p><p>hope you like long chapters</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first guest arrived shortly after five.Mia hung back while the friends greeted him.</p><p>"I hope I'm not too early," he said, apologetic.His arms were full of boxes and a polka-dotted gift bag swung from his hand."Is there anything I can help set up?"</p><p>Sylvain and Ingrid relieved him of his boxes so that he could get his boots and coat off."Everything's ready," Ingrid said. </p><p>"Those can go in the fridge until you need them," the guest said."Oh, Felix!This is for you."</p><p>Felix looked exasperated, but accepted the gift."This is Mia."</p><p>"Hi!I'm Ashe!"He had huge eyes and his face was dusted with freckles.Mia shook his offered hand.He saw that Felix was looking at the label of the wine he'd brought."I just hope it isn't too sweet for you."</p><p>"It's fine, I've had this," Felix said."Thanks."</p><p>"So are you one of Ingrid's friends?" Ashe asked Mia.</p><p>Sylvain laughed."She's Felix's girlfriend."</p><p>Ashe's eyes got wide."Whoa, guess I've been out of the loop!"</p><p>"Not really," Felix said."It's a new thing."</p><p>"His dad didn't even know until yesterday," Mia said.</p><p>Ingrid groaned."Of course not.Felix, you need to learn how to communicate."</p><p>"And how long have you been dancing around Ferdinand?" Felix demanded.</p><p>"You set the best example in every way," Mia said."I'm the luckiest girl alive."</p><p>"Who's Ferdinand?" Ashe asked.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes at Mia."Why am I even here?Everyone mocks me."</p><p>"He's a hot redhead at her stable," Sylvain said."Not as hot as yours truly, but close."</p><p>Ingrid's hands were full with the boxes Ashe had brought, which was perhaps what spared Sylvain anything more than a glare.They all moved away from the door, to put Ashe's offerings safely in the kitchen.Standing around the counter, they talked about Ashe's drive over and what was new with each other.</p><p>He was very excited to learn Mia wrote.It was easy to talk to him, about fantasy and knights and sorcery.Ashe recommended a series Mia already loved, so they gushed about <em>Tortall</em> while the others got drinks and hors d'oeuvres prepared.</p><p>Soon Mercedes and Annette arrived, bearing desserts and other baked treats.Bernadetta showed up shortly after. </p><p>"I need to meet Spinach Puff," she said, practically still in the doorway."I could do a family picture with the two of them."</p><p>Mia sipped on some fruity cocktail Sylvain had mixed her and talked to Bernadetta about barn cats.Ashe listened in, and eagerly launched into a tale of the stray cat that had broken into the restaurant he'd been working in.</p><p>"We figured out how to keep him out but I felt really bad, so I was feeding him scraps out in the alley," Ashe said."But then I realized he was getting super fat, and it turned out one of our regulars was giving him roast beef almost every day.So we started fighting for this huge tabby's affection and finally we agreed we had to work together.So now I have shared custody of an enormous alley cat with this workout nut and his narcoleptic roommate."</p><p>Sylvain chuckled."Your life is basically a sitcom, Ashe."</p><p>"Yours is a soap opera, then," Ingrid said.</p><p>"That makes yours <em>Heartland</em>," Sylvain teased.</p><p>Mia reached for one of Ashe's hors d'oeuvres and popped it into her mouth as Annette began telling them about the part she'd auditioned for on a new CBC miniseries.</p><p>The doorbell rang and Ingrid jumped up to answer it.Mia glanced over her shoulder to see that Ingrid was welcoming in a pair of gigantically tall men.She looked to Felix, who was staring at them in absolute horror. </p><p>Ashe got up to greet them, as did Mercedes and Annette.Ingrid returned to where everyone was sitting and Felix grabbed her arm.</p><p>"What's he doing here?" Felix hissed.</p><p>"I invited him," Ingrid said, flatly.</p><p>Felix glanced at the tall guests and then lowered his voice even further."Why would you invite him?"</p><p>The blond man in the front was smiling warmly, and everyone seemed happy to see him.Mia frowned.There wasn't any obvious tension regarding his presence.His companion stood a little apart, and wore only a trace of a smile, but he didn't look unwelcome, either.Still, Felix's reaction had Mia feeling nervous about the newcomers.</p><p>"He's our friend," Ingrid said.Her voice was even. </p><p>"Speak for yourself," Felix said.</p><p>Ingrid scowled at him."I thought you'd worked this out."</p><p>Felix's face fell."Yeah, I mean--but I still thought--"</p><p>Ingrid threw her hands up."Just don't be an ass," she hissed, and left for the kitchen in a huff.</p><p>The blond man scanned the group and found Felix.He grinned and made his way to the couch.</p><p>"Felix!Thank you so much for hosting, I've been looking forward to this ever since Ingrid invited me."He pulled Felix into a hug.Felix looked petrified.The blond released him and noticed Mia."So, who's this?Please introduce us."</p><p>Felix drew back, and scowled at the floor.He crossed his arms."This is Mia.Mia, this is the Boar."</p><p>"Boar?" Mia repeated.She knew Felix was prickly, but that seemed like an exceptionally rude thing to call someone.She wondered what the history was, and why Ingrid seemed not to care about it.</p><p>"It's a nickname," the blond said."I play for the NHL?"</p><p>Mia blinked."Oh, you mean hockey!"</p><p>"Yes, well.I'm Dimitri?Alexandre Blaiddyd?"</p><p>"Oh," Mia said."Um, nice to meet you?"</p><p>He took her hand carefully."You've never even heard of me."It wasn't a question, but he didn't sound hurt, either.If anything, he seemed amused.</p><p>"No, I don't follow hockey.If you were a curler it might have been different," Mia said.</p><p>Dimitri laughed.It startled Mia, and she glanced at Felix.Her boyfriend looked even more exasperated than usual.</p><p>"Don't you have somewhere else you could be?" Felix asked.</p><p>Dimitri softened."But--you're all my friends."</p><p>Dimitri's companion appeared, perhaps to save them all before the tension made Felix snap."Felix."</p><p>"Dedue," Felix spat."Did Ingrid invite you, as well?"</p><p>"No, I--"</p><p>Dimitri interrupted him."Dedue is staying, as my plus one.I thought it would make things easier, and we've--we're friends now.Is that all right?"</p><p>"I can't stop you," Felix said."What are you drinking."</p><p>"I'm all right for now," Dimitri said.He looked fondly bewildered by Felix's sharp words.</p><p>Dedue asked what kinds of fruit juices they had and Felix left to get him a glass.Mia watched him go, feeling like something important was going way over her head.</p><p>"Felix said you had cats," Dimitri said."I still haven't met Spinach Puff."</p><p>After witnessing Felix's behaviour, Mia wasn't surprised by that."Yes, we've got barn cats."</p><p>"You were also the one who made jewellery, weren't you?" Dedue asked."The girls were all talking about your work, at Dimitri's birthday."</p><p>Mia confirmed this and took off one of her rings to show it off.Dimitri looked extremely reluctant to touch it--"I don't want to break it"--but Dedue took it in his large fingers and examined it carefully.</p><p>"This is quite lovely.The striped band is an unexpected detail.I like it."His voice was deep and didn't betray much emotion, but Mia beamed anyway.Not many people cared about the bands when the tops of the rings were so sparkly.</p><p>"Thanks," she said, happily accepting the ring back and sliding it back over her knuckle.</p><p>"So how did you meet Felix?" Dimitri asked.He looked over Mia's head, at Felix's returning form.</p><p>"Up North," Felix said simply.His tone left no room for elaboration.He handed a glass to Dedue and turned to Mia."Ingrid wants you for something."</p><p>Mia nodded.As she headed for the kitchen she heard Dimitri ploughing onward, trying to get <em>some</em> information from Felix about how he'd met her.</p><p>"We met, and we text.That's it."</p><p>Mia frowned, wondering what all this meant.She slipped into the kitchen, where Ingrid was talking to Mercedes.</p><p>"What did you need me for?" Mia asked.</p><p>Ingrid looked at her, utterly perplexed."Nothing?"</p><p>"Oh," Mia said.So it had been a ruse.Felix did not want her talking to Dimitri.Of course, it was also pretty obvious that he did not want Dimitri here in the first place, so at least Mia knew it wasn't something she'd done.</p><p>"Hmm," Ingrid said."Well, while you're here, help me with the next batch of hors d'oeuvres."</p><p>Mia got to work, moving little filled pastry puffs from the baking sheet onto a platter. </p><p>"Had Felix told you anything about Dimitri?" Ingrid asked.Mia shook her head. </p><p>Mercedes said that the three of them--Felix, Ingrid, and Sylvain--had been close friends with Dimitri since they were children."It's so nice that you still get to see each other.Dimitri's career might have taken him to another province, or even further, but he still gets a chance to celebrate with all of you."</p><p>"It should be nice," Ingrid agreed."Obviously Felix doesn't start anything when he's on the job, so I just can't see why he's got to be so difficult about seeing Dimitri outside of that.It's frustrating."</p><p>"It must be complicated, dividing their professional and personal relationships," Mercedes pointed out.</p><p>"His job?" Mia asked.She still only knew bits and pieces about what Felix did.</p><p>Ingrid rolled her eyes."Why am I surprised he never mentioned his job?He manages Dimitri's security and keeps people from getting too close to him."</p><p>"Oh," Mia said.If Felix hated Dimitri, then that explained why he'd never gone into detail about it.But Dimitri seemed perfectly nice, so Mia wondered what could have happened to create such a rift.</p><p>Asking Ingrid might get her the answer, but Mia thought she'd prefer to learn it from Felix.So she took the platter of fresh hors d'oeuvres into the sitting room, where Sylvain was trying to rope everyone into playing a board game.</p><p>"Mia, pick a game!" Sylvain was holding a stack of boxes.The only ones she recognized were <em>Scrabble </em>and <em>Trivial Pursuit</em>.</p><p>"Uhh, I know <em>Scrabble</em>," Mia said.</p><p>"Nerd," Sylvain shot back, but he put the games down and pulled <em>Scrabble</em> out of the pile."Show us how a writer plays <em>Scrabble</em>."</p><p>"I don't know big words," Mia told him, setting down the hors d'oeuvres on a side table and trying to remember where she'd put her drink.</p><p>"Here." Felix pointed to her glass."Is <em>that</em> how you could write so many?"He moved to the edge of the couch to make room for Mia, between himself and Annette.Dimitri was sitting on the floor, on the opposite side of the coffee table.</p><p>Mia laughed and sat, while Sylvain opened the game and began setting it up. </p><p>"I've never played this," Sylvain said.</p><p>"He's lying," Felix muttered. </p><p>"Is it like <em>Kerplunk?</em>" Mia asked, hoping Sylvain would appreciate another Corner Gas reference.</p><p>Sylvain giggled."It's not dissimilar to <em>Kerplunk</em>."</p><p>"Are you two doing that again?" Felix asked with a groan. </p><p>Mia opened her mouth to follow up with the next quote, but Dimitri was frowning.</p><p>"Is 'dissimilar' even a word?"</p><p>"Oh, you're going to <em>love</em> <em>Scrabble</em>," Sylvain said.He and Mia both cackled.</p><p>Felix clicked his teeth together."Just shut up and play the damn game."</p><p>"Well?Is it?" Dimitri asked.</p><p>"Look it up if you don't know," Felix snapped.</p><p>"It's a word.Pretty sure," Annette said.She looked across Mia at Felix."Are the three of us going to be on a team?"</p><p>"I'm not playing," Felix said.</p><p>Mia thought it sounded fun."Let's do it!Team--what's a good name for our team?"</p><p>"We've both got those tropical drinks--Team Mango!"</p><p>"Perfect," Mia said.</p><p>Sylvain grinned."You're all three of you ganging up on me?I can handle it, I guess."</p><p>"I'll be on your team," Ashe said.</p><p>"Me, too," Bernadetta said.</p><p>"I said I wasn't playing," Felix protested.</p><p>Dimitri looked sad."Do I get a team?I want to play."</p><p>"I'll join you," Dedue said."Perhaps Ingrid or Mercedes will, as well."</p><p>The two women werejust entering the room.Mercedes had a tiered stand full of cupcakes balanced in her hands.She set it next to the game board.</p><p>"Oh, I'm just happy to watch," Mercedes said.</p><p>"I'll be on your team, Dimitri," Ingrid said."I don't know how Team-<em>Scrabble</em> could even work, but okay."</p><p>Team Mango ended up playing against Team Vodka and Team Cupcake, because apparently Annette was onto something when it came to picking a team name based on whatever was closest to hand. </p><p>Felix leaned in front of Mia to rearrange her tiles.He sat back when he was done, looking awfully satisfied for someone who wasn't even playing. </p><p>Mia snorted."Let's hope they play the right word."</p><p>Sylvain, being the oldest one there, went first.</p><p>"Yeah, age before beauty," Annette said. </p><p>Sylvain gasped in mock-offence and set down his tiles."Excuse me?I am, in fact, a <em>snack</em>."</p><p>Everybody groaned, but Felix just smacked Mia's arm with the back of his hand."Do it."</p><p>Mia rolled her eyes and used the <em>a</em> in Sylvain's <em>snack</em> to place all seven of Team Mango's tiles at once."<em>Scabbard.</em>"</p><p>"Use it in a sentence or take a shot," Sylvain said, as Ingrid complained that Felix of course would end up with the right letters for a sword-related word.</p><p>Mia looked to Felix--it was his word after all--and he simply crossed his arms and sat back."Are you kidding me?Fine.Every sword needs a <em>scabbard</em> to go in.Safety first."</p><p>"Good enough," Sylvain said.Mercedes recorded Team Mango's points on her phone, including the bonus for using all of their tiles. </p><p>There was much deliberation among Team Cupcake.At long last, Dimitri took three tiles in his large hands and tagged them onto the end of Sylvain's word.</p><p>"<em>Snacking</em>," Dimitri said, beaming. </p><p>"Pathetic," Felix said under his breath.</p><p>Mia shook her head."It's a valid strategy."</p><p>"Sentence or shot," Sylvain warned.</p><p>Dimitri's face fell."But I don't drink."</p><p>"Then you better use it in a sentence," Sylvain said.</p><p>"It's fine," Annette chirped, "Ingrid can just take two shots."</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>To spare his friend from such a fate, Dimitri cleared his throat."All right, I am grateful that everyone brought such nice things for <em>snacking</em> on."</p><p>"Attaboy!" Sylvain said."And now that I've got an <em>i</em>..."</p><p>Sylvain began putting his tiles down, one at a time.Felix put his hand over his face.</p><p>"<em>Vagina!</em>" Sylvain declared.</p><p>"I hate you," Felix said.</p><p>Sylvain opened his mouth, presumably to use it in a sentence.The two other members of Team Vodka looked mortified.</p><p>"Don't," Ashe said."Please just drink."</p><p>"Come on, I got rid of our <em>v </em>and everything!We should celebrate!"</p><p>"Celebrate with a shot," Ashe said. </p><p>Sylvain looked over to his other teammate."Bernie?"He held his hand out and made big, sad puppy eyes at her.</p><p>She hid her face in a pillow.Her voice could barely be heard."C-can I switch teams?"</p><p>Sylvain took a shot of vodka. </p><p>Annette reached over to rearrange Team Mango's tiles.Felix leaned forward to tweak them.</p><p>"Isn't that one of Mia's rings?" Dimitri asked.</p><p>Felix yanked his hand back, covering the teal ring with the fingers of his left hand."Isn't this a fucking party?"</p><p>"Yes," Dimitri conceded."It's just surprising, that's all.You're so practical."</p><p>"Maybe I was bullied into it," Felix said. </p><p>"I don't have one," Sylvain piped up, earning a murderous glare from Felix.</p><p>"You never offered to buy one," Mia pointed out.She <em>felt</em> Felix turn his glare on her."I don't think I brought anything that might be big enough for you to borrow, either," she tagged on, hoping to get back into Felix's good graces.</p><p>"Next time.Something sexy and dark," Sylvain said.</p><p>Mia nodded."Easy done."</p><p>The game continued and beside her, Felix relaxed.He kept his hand over the ring though, but Mia wasn't sure if he was fiddling with it or trying to conceal it. </p><p>Sylvain's team pulled off some ridiculous words, and Mia tried to strategically ditch the less-desirable letters.Team Cupcake seemed proud just to add tiles to the board.Everyone tried to come up with more and more outlandish sentences from the words they played.Annette gave some good suggestions, but Felix had bowed out after Dimitri had noticed his ring.He leaned back, arms folded, a sour expression on his face.</p><p>Somehow, Team Vodka won the first game, but Team Mango triumphed in the second.Mercedes watched and applauded every word, taking down the score.Cupcakes and cookies were passed around.Dimitri was not what Mia would have expected of a hockey player--he was sweet and well-spoken, always careful with every word he chose.He had an honest, kind smile.</p><p>The more he smiled, the more Felix scowled.Mia couldn't figure it out.</p><p>"You three make a good team," Dimitri said."I'm glad that you're making new friends, Felix."</p><p>"I don't need <em>your</em> approval," Felix spat. </p><p>"No, I'm just saying," Dimitri said.</p><p>"Say less."Felix stood up."Do you want another drink, Mia?"</p><p>Mia blinked at him."Um, sure, thanks."</p><p>He took her glass and left.</p><p>***</p><p>The kitchen was blessedly empty.Felix set his glass and Mia's down on the counter and spent a few long breaths just trying to beat his emotions into submission.The temptation to down more alcohol and let it do the work was strong, but after things had gone at the birthday, Felix knew better.He was doing better this time, he felt.The game was helping erase the awkward silences that Dimitri always felt so eager to fill with his greeting-card pleasantries.</p><p>He wasn't sure if he was grateful that Mia knew nothing about Dimitri, or upset.If she had at least <em>heard</em> of him, had some inkling of Dimitri's history, then maybe she wouldn't be smiling so wide, maybe she wouldn't be so quick to say something nice about his stupid <em>Scrabble</em> words and lousy sentences.Maybe Felix would have someone on his side.Instead he felt betrayed, which was supremely unfair to Mia. </p><p>Checking his phone, Felix groaned when he saw that it was only eight.Four more hours of this.Maybe he could just retreat to his room and go to bed.Say he was going to the washroom and just not come back.Dedue could supervise the Boar.</p><p>Felix rubbed his face with his hand.No, he couldn't hide away.He reached for the ingredients for Mia's dumb fruity mango thing, poured a generous amount of rum into the bottom of her glass, trying to imitate what he'd seen Sylvain do, and mixed her drink.Then he got a bottle of water for himself out of the fridge.It was the right thing to do, the responsible thing.Felix grit his teeth and returned to the party.</p><p>Everyone was a little too quiet for his liking.Felix decided that they had to have been talking about him.He watched as Dedue pulled away from Dimitri, after having clearly said something for the Boar's ears only.Whatever it was, it made Dimitri's face light up.</p><p>Felix opened his mouth and shut it.He didn't know what could be going on with them, and was not interested.Better if he just kept quiet and tried to pay the Boar as little attention as possible.</p><p>"Here's your disgusting mango thing," Felix said, thrusting Mia's glass into her hand.He sat down and pressed himself into the corner of the couch, where he opened his water and drank.</p><p>"Thanks," Mia said, quietly.</p><p>"Are you all finally sick of this stupid game?" Felix demanded."Or am I so vital to it?"He winced at his own tone, and hid the lower half of his face behind his water.</p><p>"You're a vital member of Team Mango," Mia said.</p><p>"Yeah," Annette agreed."I'd never have gotten <em>scabbard</em>.All I could see was half of <em>bastard</em>."</p><p>Mia almost choked on her drink."Not even <em>bard</em>?"</p><p>"You'd think, with me singing and all!But no."</p><p>Sylvain laughed."Now I want you on Team Vodka."</p><p>All evening, Felix had restrained himself from commenting on the inane team names the group had chosen.It would be a terrible waste if he lost his self-control now.He tightened his fingers on the neck of his water bottle, sucking in a long, slow breath through his teeth.</p><p>"We could do a swap," Ingrid suggested.</p><p>"Mix things up, I like it," Sylvain agreed."So we'll take Annette, and give Bernie to Team Cupcake, since she was complaining about my words."</p><p>"Hey!" Bernie protested."You shouldn't have--"</p><p>"Are you saying you want to stay on Team Bastard?" Sylvain asked.</p><p>Ashe rolled his eyes."Oh, is that what we're calling it now?Bernie, take the opportunity and jump ship while you can."</p><p>Felix snorted. </p><p>"I don't think I'm cut out to be a team leader," Dimitri said."Could I switch to Team Mango?I'd like to be on Mia and Felix's team."</p><p>Of course.Well, if Dimitri sat on Mia's other side, at least Felix wouldn't have to look at the Boar.Although, it would mean having to live with the knowledge that the Boar was right beside Mia.</p><p>"I don't mind," Mia said cautiously.Felix didn't look at her.</p><p>"It doesn't matter, it's not like I'm playing," he said.</p><p>"I don't want to be the leader!" Bernie squeaked.</p><p>Ingrid shook her head."I'll put the tiles down.Dedue, are we sticking with Team Cupcake?"</p><p>Dedue made a sound that was almost a laugh."I'm not too sure.Perhaps Team Trifolia?As in a clover's three leaves?"</p><p>"Oh!Or Team Flytrap!" Bernie suggested."We could--chomp!Down on our competition!"</p><p>"Are you interested in carnivorous plants?" Dedue asked.</p><p>Bernie nodded.Ingrid was at a loss, so she agreed to being called Team Flytrap.</p><p>In the meantime, Annette left Mia's side to join Sylvain and Ashe, and Dimitri got up off the floor to sit in her place.</p><p>"What should our new team name be?" Dimitri asked.</p><p>Felix couldn't answer.If he said a single word, he knew that he'd just wreck everything.Mia looked to him, whether for a suggestion or in sympathy he couldn't tell.He wanted to shake her, tell her that the Boar once put an adult man in critical condition with his bare hands, at the same time that he wanted to ask her for help, to just tell him what the right thing to say would be.</p><p>"I don't know," Felix breathed.He was not okay.He wanted to run.</p><p>Wordlessly, Mia slid her hand to just beside Felix's thigh, where she rested it palm-up.Felix's throat constricted.As surreptitiously as he was able, Felix placed his hand on hers.She closed her fingers over his and gave it a squeeze.</p><p>"Team Sparkle," Mia suggested.</p><p>"That's cute," Dimitri said.</p><p>"It's ridiculous," Felix whispered. </p><p>"Team Edge," Mia countered."Because both of you have blades--and it's hilarious, I've never been edgy once in my life."</p><p>Sylvain laughed."What are you doing with Felix, then?"</p><p>"He's converting me," Mia said."I'm becoming edgy."</p><p>"Team Edge sounds intense," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix wanted this to be over."Deal with it."</p><p>Once everyone had settled into their new teams, and refilled their drinks and plates of snacks, the third round of play began.Felix wanted to just sit back and ignore the Boar, but Dimitri kept giving the most stupid suggestions, so Felix found himself correcting their tiles out of sheer frustration. </p><p>"We all should try to use sentences that reflect our team name," Sylvain suggested."Team Bastard, let's use the most inappropriate words we can come up with."</p><p>Annette laughed and Ashe blushed."I should've asked to switch teams, too," he said.</p><p>"It's all my fault," Annette said, but she didn't seem very sorry when she spelled out <em>bitch</em> with their tiles."<em>Bitch,</em> let's win this game!"</p><p>"Annie!" Mercedes gasped, hiding her smile behind her hand.Sylvain gave Annette a high-five.</p><p>Felix was surprised that Mia was apparently trying not to giggle."Okay," she said, "edgy words only, then.<em>Pain!</em>"It was not the kind of word that would get them the win, but Mia didn't seem to mind.</p><p>"Sentence!"</p><p>"<em>Pain</em>, you break me down, you made me a believer<em>,</em>" Mia said.</p><p>"You should've sung that!" Sylvain laughed.</p><p>Mia shook her head, and Felix tightened his fingers around hers for a second as a thrill went through him.She only sang for him, not Sylvain, or anyone else.He tried not to look smug.</p><p>"Are extra points awarded for themed words?" Dimitri asked.</p><p>Sylvain considered this, and Mercedes said, "Absolutely!I'll give both teams extra points for their words."</p><p>Team Flytrap made their play, and it was agreed that their theme was split between plant-related and carnivore-related words.The game went on, and Felix kept all his focus on the feel of Mia's hand, pretending that he could not see Dimitri's hulking form out of the corner of his eye on her other side.He watched Mia arrange their tiles into '<em>wretch'</em> and sipped the water he had in his free hand. </p><p>"That's such a good word, Mia," Dimitri said.</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>Team Flytrap was planning their next word, giving them some time to chat.Dimitri asked Mia what she thought of the party so far.</p><p>"It's nice," Mia said."Everyone is very friendly and kind."</p><p>Felix tried to pay attention to the board, and their tiles, and come up with a possibility or two for their next turn.</p><p>"That's true.I'm not sure how well you know Felix, but he's the best friend anyone could ask for."</p><p>Felix turned his head away, wishing he could cover his eyes or bury his face in the couch."Shut up, Boar."</p><p>He felt Mia glance at him.All Dimitri did was laugh, as usual. </p><p>"He won't let anyone tell him, though," Dimitri added."But there's no one more loyal."</p><p>"Mercedes said you four all know each other from childhood," Mia said.Felix hated this.Dimitri would tell her what Felix had been like as a child, always running after him and crying. </p><p>"That's true," Dimitri said.</p><p>Mia nodded."So all of you must be loyal, then, if you're all here."</p><p>"I guess so," Dimitri agreed. </p><p>What good was loyalty, though?It just ended up giving you black eyes, dark memories, overreactions and drunken explosions...</p><p>"So what's it like being a big hockey star?" Mia asked.Felix dared to assume that it was because she didn't want the topic to linger on his and Dimitri's childhoods.</p><p>"It's a lot of work," Dimitri said."Being in the public eye is difficult.I haven't always had the best time, but I'm trying to use my platform to do some good.I've got a couple foundations, for underprivileged kids to play sports, and I try to bring up awareness for LGBTQ issues on my social media."</p><p>"That's impressive," Mia said."I'm sure I've heard your name, but I'm sorry I didn't pay more attention."</p><p><em>No</em>, Felix thought, <em>don't be kind to him.Don't let him talk about his charities and speaking out and </em>please<em>, don't let him bring up the reason why</em>.</p><p>"Guys, stop gabbing, it's Team Edge's turn," Sylvain said.Felix glanced at him to see that Sylvain's eyes were sharp.He knew what was going on.He had to have a guess of what Felix was feeling. </p><p>"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Dimitri exclaimed, guilty as a dog.</p><p>The game went on.Team Flytrap won by an overwhelming amount.After that, Sylvain had had enough of <em>Scrabble</em>.</p><p>"This was great, but I don't want to spend the last hours of the year doing something so nerdy," Sylvain said.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes.There was no one here for Sylvain to impress, yet he was peacocking away like they were in a club.Everyone at this party knew Sylvain was more than just the flirt--even Mia, who'd been chatting with him about cats.</p><p>"I'm fine having a break," Dimitri said."Felix, could you show me your cat, please?I understand that he might not like there being strangers around, but just a short meeting would be enough for me."</p><p>Felix supposed there was no other option.He rolled his eyes and got to his feet, letting go of Mia's hand as he did.Everyone here knew he was an asshole, even Mia, but he'd promised to try harder.It was so difficult.</p><p>"Fine.Don't traumatize him," Felix said, knowing that was almost too much but feeling that the alternative, <em>don't you dare hurt my cat</em>, was both unnecessary and harmful.</p><p>"I'll be very quiet," Dimitri promised.Felix snorted, and looked to Mia, who was carefully avoiding the conversation by looking into her empty glass. </p><p>"Don't you want to come?" Felix demanded.</p><p>"Why?He's your cat now," Mia pointed out."I think I'll grab a refill."</p><p>"Fine," Felix said.He lead Dimitri to where he was pretty sure Spinach Puff was hiding out, which was the guest room.The room in which Mia was staying, or had been, until she'd spent the rest of the night with Felix.His face heated up just with the thought.At 2am it had seemed like a good idea, but now he was wondering if he'd been forward or something.It had never been a problem when he'd shared a bed with Sylvain or Ingrid, for the same reason.And nothing had happened--he hadn't even thought about it until after he'd woken up.Now it was haunting him.</p><p>His inner monologue was a steady, silent stream of curses, which Dimitri was blissfully unaware of as Felix pushed open the door of Mia's room and entered.</p><p>Felix bent and ducked his head to check under the bed.Spinach Puff was lazing, presumably after a fierce bout of wrestling with his mousey-mouse.</p><p>"Who's staying in here?" Dimitri asked."This is normally the room I take."</p><p>"It's Mia's," Felix said, flatly as he could.</p><p>"Oh, that makes sense.She's sweet.I can see why you became friends."</p><p>Felix grit his teeth and reached under the bed, wriggling his fingers to attract the cat. </p><p>"I hope you don't mind me asking Dedue to stay," Dimitri said, out of the blue.</p><p>"Whatever."</p><p>"Because he adds to the number of guests for you to find a place for, and I don't know how you feel about me being friends with one of your team.But if we can be friends, then I thought--why not Dedue, as well?He's so kind.He can <em>make</em> things, and he's got so many plants, and he cooks."</p><p>"Fascinating."Felix grunted, getting onto the floor so that he could grope around and possibly drag Spinach Puff into the daylight, so that this ordeal could be over with.</p><p>"It makes me really happy when he calls me by my first name, not always Mr. Blaiddyd, but I still have to correct him," Dimitri happily chatted on."But I feel that if I'm going to see him so much, we might as well get to know each other, and I'm really happy that we are."</p><p>Felix's fingers touched soft fur.He half-crawled under the bed to reach out with his other hand and pull Spinach Puff out, as gingerly and carefully as he could.</p><p>"Here.Spinach Puff."Felix held the cat as Dimitri cooed and pat Spinach Puff's head.</p><p>"Did you name him that?Or was it Mia?"</p><p>"He came with the name," Felix said.</p><p>"What would you have called him?"</p><p>"That's a stupid question."</p><p>Dimitri began to laugh, then remembered his promise to be quiet and bit his lip."Of course.I'm sorry.He's very calm."</p><p>There was nothing to add to that, so Felix said nothing.He stared down at the cat and Dimitri's enormous hand dwarfing those perfect triangle ears. </p><p>"Felix," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix glanced up, at two bright blue eyes.He immediately looked away."What."</p><p>"Is everything okay?I know we've tried to make things normal again, but after what happened on my birthday--I don't want to be here if it makes you uncomfortable."His voice quavered."When Ingrid invited me I thought that you at least <em>knew</em> about it."</p><p>"It's fine," Felix said."Did I kick you out?No.So it's obviously fine."</p><p>He could feel Dimitri studying him, weighing each of his words."I'm having a good time with our friends."</p><p>"Good," Felix said."That's the point of this dumb party, isn't it?Are you happy with meeting the cat?"</p><p>"Yes, I'm happy.Thank you for letting me meet him," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix turned away, bending to put Spinach Puff back under the bed.The cat rubbed his little head against Felix's hand, unbothered by being pulled out of hiding.</p><p>"If I had someone to stop by during weeks when I was out of the city," Dimitri began.</p><p>"I'm not doing the research for you.If you're serious about a cat you have to prepare."</p><p>"I know," Dimitri said."Could I ask your help, though?"</p><p>Felix couldn't look at him."Fine."</p><p>"Thank you, Felix!"</p><p>***</p><p>Mia was glad that she hadn't gone with Felix and Dimitri in search of the cat.She was hanging out in the kitchen, talking to Bernie about writing.Sylvain had gently bullied them onto that topic and then vanished with his martini.Mia supposed she was grateful, because Bernie was telling her some tips she'd read about for working emotion into action scenes and it was very interesting.She hoped she could remember it, and asked Bernie if she could ask Sylvain for her contact information after she'd gotten home to her laptop.</p><p>"Of course!" Bernie said."You're not scary--and!I want to know how you wrote so much last month."</p><p>"Spite," Mia said, raising her glass.Bernie giggled. </p><p>In the doorway, Felix appeared, looking forlorn.He had managed to lose Dimitri somewhere.</p><p>"How'd it go?" Mia asked.</p><p>"Fine," Felix said.</p><p>"Sylvain said if I needed a break from people I could hide in the basement," Bernie offered.</p><p>Felix shook his head, but a smile ghosted across his lips."If I hid I'd never come back out," he said.</p><p>"I know what you mean," Bernie said, sympathetic.</p><p>Mia felt out of the loop, but was glad that Bernie could help Felix feel a little better.She stayed leaning against the counter and Felix joined the two of them, sneaking one of Ashe's spicy veggie pastries on the way.</p><p>"Are you drinking water?" Felix asked Mia, tilting his head at the glass in her hand.</p><p>"This one's just juice, no rum," Mia promised."I know about staying hydrated."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>The three of them hid out in the kitchen for a little while, until Ingrid found them and demanded that they rejoin the party.There was no board game open, but everyone was talking and laughing.Mia sat beside Felix, letting him have the corner of the couch again.On her other side was Mercedes now.The whole group was apparently having some sort of competition to tell their worst jokes, which the rest of the party would then rate based on such key factors as 'groanability' and 'sleaziness'. </p><p>After playing a card game--Mia didn't know the rules, so she just watched and cheered everyone on with a fresh glass of rum--and then another, Mia knew it had to be getting close to midnight.</p><p>Eventually Sylvain turned up the volume on music Mia hadn't even realized was playing, blaring <em>Party Rock Anthem</em> and trying to get as many people as possible dancing in the entry hall.Mia didn't usually dance, but as she was slightly tipsy and wearing a gold top and three rings, she decided to make an exception.She let Sylvain pull her to her feet and tried to copy his movements, laughing and blushing.</p><p>He passed her off to Ingrid so that he could dance with Ashe.It was silly, and awkward, dancing around furniture and ducking under streamers, but Mia was having a blast.She looked over and saw Felix trying to stay above the situation, looking at something on his phone.He had finished most of his water, but now he also had a glass of something stronger on the table next to him.</p><p>"Countdown's ten minutes," he said, when Mia approached in the hopes of getting him on his feet.She'd danced with everyone, and been glad to see that Dimitri was even worse at it than she was. </p><p>"Get up, get up!"</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, and didn't put away his phone, but he did stand.Mia grabbed his free hand and pulled him towards the festivity.</p><p>"I hate this," Felix grumbled.</p><p>"Too bad," Mia said."I hate it too and I'm still here."</p><p>"You don't look like you hate it," Felix said, standing stock-still while Mia swung his arm with her hand.</p><p>"Fake it til you make it!"</p><p>Felix half-smiled."Does that work?"He stuck his phone in his pocket.</p><p>"Hell if I know!This is all rum," Mia said.</p><p>Felix took her other hand and let her swing both of his arms.Eventually he had enough and began to guide Mia's arms, his cheeks and nose pink but his movements much more graceful than Mia's had been. </p><p>"Step back, no--your left foot," Felix said."Now forward--right foot--yes," he instructed. </p><p>"Do you <em>actually</em> know how to dance?"</p><p>Felix looked down."Shut up.Don't tell me you've never even done this."</p><p>"Not this way, no," Mia said.</p><p>Felix snorted, and tried to angle his smile away from her.He went on teaching her, until Sylvain yelled that everyone needed to get hats and noisemakers.</p><p>Unsurprisingly, Sylvain took charge of the countdown, watching it on his phone in one hand and holding a shiny paper horn in the other.Mia got a bell and Felix accepted one of those plastic clapper-hands from Ingrid.Mia grabbed a yellow paper crown for herself and a pointy green hat for Felix, which he refused. </p><p>"It's askew," Felix said, tugging at her crown.</p><p>"One minute!" Sylvain shouted.He wore a little top hat on a jaunty angle.Ingrid turned the music down to a murmur.</p><p>Mia stuck Felix's hat on while he was distracted and dodged backwards, laughing, when he clapped his noisemaker in her face.</p><p>"No noise!" Sylvain yelled."Everyone shush!"</p><p>There was a tense thirty seconds, then Sylvain began counting down. </p><p>"<em>...three, two, one, Happy New Year!"</em></p><p>The room was filled with cheers, horns, rattling, and clanging.If the cats had been anywhere near them, they would be hiding, now.Mia shouted and rang her bell as hard as she could.Beside her, Felix yelled, looking calmer than he had all night, wearing a smile that grew when his hat fell onto the floor and was promptly stepped on when Ingrid came in to hug him.</p><p>She hugged Mia, too, and moved on to Ashe.Mia sidled closer to Felix.</p><p>"Happy New Year," she said.And, because she was feeling so happy, despite all the noise and people, and because Felix looked happy, too, Mia hugged him.</p><p>He hugged her back, filling her stomach with butterflies with the way he smiled at her.</p><p>"Yeah," he said."This turned out better.Thanks to you."</p><p>That was as perplexing as everything else that had happened through the night, so Mia just smiled."I'm glad.Should we," Mia trailed off, her eyes flicking down to his mouth.</p><p>Felix went red, and he checked that everyone near them was distracted, before tugging Mia a little further from the group. He nodded.They leaned closer, until their lips met.Mia tried to pay attention to everything she was feeling, but it was so much, all at once, and then a voice rang out.</p><p>"You didn't say you were dating!"</p><p>Felix's hand on Mia's arm clenched, just before he pushed her away."Don't come near me," he spat. </p><p>It went through Mia's chest.She backed away, barely registering the hurt on Felix's face, or the sight of Dimitri looking at them both with an expression of polite interest.Everything was loud and crowded in and she didn't think she'd done anything wrong.Felix shoved past Sylvain, heading for the stairs.</p><p>"Felix, wait," Dimitri said, reaching for his arm.Felix slapped his hand away, scowling.</p><p>"Fuck off, Boar," he snarled.</p><p>"Felix, I'm sorry," Dimitri pleaded.</p><p>Felix's lip curled up, showing all kinds of teeth.Mia took another step back.His eyes met hers and didn't change from that narrow, wounded look.Then he stalked away, upstairs. </p><p>Mia fled to the kitchen, where she remembered that Bernie had suggested hiding in the basement.She knew how to get there, after their video game session before the party, so Mia snatched a bottle of water from the counter and snuck downstairs, to the washroom. </p><p>There, Mia sank to the floor, holding her water in both hands, and tried to breathe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter alone is close to 7k, imagine if i'd kept it attached to the previous. the whole sequence was tough because i don't have a concept of the passage of time and forgot how many tiles you get in a game of Scrabble</p><p>am I alone in wanting to let Annette say fuck? i feel she would be full of swears</p><p>i put you through several thousand words of Scrabble and then reward you, only to take it away...writing this was a struggle and i wish to move on from it, but i'm willing to accept feedback on the whole mess since i totally lost track of what i was doing</p><p>yea, the title is from 'It Will Come Back', my favourite Hozier song. how does it fit with this chapter? who does it apply to? heck if i know</p><p>Remember to take care of yourselves</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. i just need a minute, i just need a breath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>...it's very hard to drink to my continued success</p><p>post-midnight conversations</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix slammed his door shut, making the swords in his armoire shake and fall inside of their prison.He ground his teeth and left them, knowing full well that he'd be surprised when they tumbled out the next time he tried to open it.He didn't care.He was so angry.</p><p>He should have known.He should have been prepared.If Mia came anywhere near him when his father or Dimitri were around, she was bound to be caught in the crossfire.He'd proven it yesterday.He should have been more careful.He should have predicted that kissing in front of other people would have made him feel awful. </p><p>But Felix had <em>wanted</em> to.It had gone so right the first time.Now his chest hurt and Mia hated him and Dimitri was probably making everything worse by asking stupid, obvious questions. </p><p>Sitting on the bed, Felix put his head in his hands.Maybe this was how it was supposed to go. </p><p>His phone buzzed.Tempting as it was to ignore, Felix pulled it from his pocket to see what asinine remark the Boar had for him.It was easier to be angry than to deal with this lost, hurt feeling.</p><p>The message was from Sylvain: 'What do you need rn'</p><p>Felix shut his eyes.He didn't know.He wanted to be alone, he wanted to find Mia, he wanted to lie and tell her that Dimitri was the Boar and she should feel unbothered by his, Felix's, outburst.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> w mia</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> hiding dstairs i think</p><p><b>Felix:</b> mk sure shes ok</p><p> </p><p>God, he was stupid.He fell backwards onto the bed. </p><p> </p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> got it</p><p><b>Sylvain:</b> told everyone to leave u alone</p><p> </p><p>Sylvain was too good for him.Felix typed out a sloppy 'tandk yuo' and let the hand holding his phone drop.The only bright side of this kind of thing becoming a trend was that maybe people would stop inviting Felix places.The thought did not cheer him up at all.</p><p>***</p><p>It was deeply unfair that the basement washroom of the Fraldarius house was just as finished and styled as the one on the ground floor.Mia felt no colder down here than she did upstairs, which was a blessing because she'd left her blazer on the couch.It didn't stop her from hating this place.She was jealous of it, as much as she wanted nothing to do with it.What had she been thinking, letting herself get caught up with someone so totally different from herself?Hockey players, celebrities, security guards, it was a different world and clearly came with the kind of drama Mia wanted nothing to do with.She wished she were at home.It wasn't rich at all but it was better than sitting next to a toilet in a millionaire's house.</p><p>She sipped her water, trying to piece herself together as strong, unnamed emotions tore through her. </p><p>That look on his face.If Mia had to label it anything, she'd say it had been betrayal.What was she supposed to do though?No one had told her what to expect, no one was explaining this weird tension with Dimitri, and it wasn't her job to sort it out.She couldn't have guessed what Felix would do. </p><p>As Mia simmered between outrage and despair, someone knocked on the door.</p><p>"Hey, Mia, you in there?" Sylvain called.</p><p>Mia stared at the door, utterly baffled as to what Sylvain might have to say to her.He was the last person she'd expected.</p><p>"Felix asked me to check on you.Can we talk?"</p><p>Mia made a strangled noise as she tried to get to her feet.She managed to bump her knee on the toilet and hissed out a curse.Staggering to the door, Mia opened it to see Sylvain was not leaning on the doorframe as expected, but standing a little ways off in the hall, giving her space.</p><p>"Hey," he said.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>"You okay?" Sylvain asked.He didn't move closer.</p><p>Mia shrugged.</p><p>"Wanna talk?"</p><p>Mia shrugged again.</p><p>Sylvain smiled a little."Let's make a fort."</p><p>***</p><p>Felix got another message from Sylvain, that he was going to talk to Mia and she seemed okay.It was encouraging, and Felix decided to have faith that Sylvain would know what to say to make her feel better.He usually knew what to say to Felix.Most of the time.</p><p>Just that improved his outlook.Maybe he had screwed it up with Mia, but Felix still had Sylvain.Ingrid, too.He knew he had to apologize to her, so he fired off another text since he was on a roll.</p><p>About a minute later, there was a knock on his door.</p><p>"Felix?Can we talk?"Ingrid.</p><p>Felix groaned and went to the door.He paused in front of it."About what?"</p><p>"I wanted to say I'm sorry, too," Ingrid said, just loud enough for him to make out the words.</p><p>Felix yanked the door open.Ingrid looked surprised, which made him feel bad again.Apparently he'd been doing a better job of pushing people away than Sylvain had wanted him to believe.</p><p>"What are you sorry for?" Felix demanded.He stood aside to let her in--and Estoc, too, who heard his door open and dashed in after Ingrid.</p><p>"For inviting Dimitri and not telling you," Ingrid said."I should've known it wouldn't improve things.I just really--I want things to go back to the way they were.I miss the four of us."</p><p>Felix folded his arms, and Ingrid sat on the bed.</p><p>She shook her head."But that doesn't give me the right to just try and push you two together like dolls and hope you'll get along again.What happened--that's for you two to work out, or not.I don't get a say, no matter how hard it is to watch."</p><p>"I'm sorry for wrecking your party," Felix said.</p><p>"It would've been fine if I hadn't invited Dimitri," Ingrid said."This wasn't your fault.And it didn't even go as badly as last time.I saw how hard you were trying to be civil.And I'm sorry you didn't get to have a good time."</p><p>"It's not like I care about New Year's or parties or anything," Felix pointed out.</p><p>"You might've had a good time."</p><p>Felix snorted, and sat down next to her."It's pointless to speculate."</p><p>"I know.What's up with you and Mia?Is it okay to ask that?This morning I caught her coming from your room."</p><p>Picking up Estoc was suddenly the top priority.Felix hid his face in her fur."She couldn't sleep.She was anxious.I told her she could stay if all she wanted was company."</p><p>"That's what I thought," Ingrid said."You really like her, don't you?"</p><p>Felix buried his face harder in Estoc's fur. </p><p>"I think she really likes you," Ingrid said.</p><p><em>Not anymore</em>, Felix thought, miserable.</p><p>***</p><p>It had been years since Mia had built a pillow fort, but she had the suspicion that it was something Sylvain did on the regular.Draping the luxurious blanket from the chair over the back of the couch, hooking it over the tv, using cushions from said couch and chair for the floor, Sylvain had a cozy fort made up in almost no time.Mia joined him in it, surprised that there was enough room for the two of them. </p><p>Still, it wasn't enough to give her the sense of anything but being near to Sylvain.He was a tall man and had a huge presence, and Mia was acutely aware of his identity as a flirt-slash-playboy. </p><p>"Hey, don't worry about me." Sylvain apparently could sense her thoughts.He sat cross-legged, which meant his head pressed up on the blanket that was their roof, and put a hand over his chest."I swear on the stripes of Ruin Pomdetair Gautier that I won't make you uncomfortable while you're in here.This is a safe fortress, just for you.If anything bothers you, say the word."</p><p>"Thanks," Mia said.</p><p>"So?Do you want me to talk, or do you want to just hang out?Anything you want to ask?"</p><p>Mia fiddled with her rings."I don't know."She was impressed with how distant the memory was already feeling, thanks to Sylvain's method of distracting her.</p><p>"I texted Felix if there was anything he needed.Do you know what he said?"</p><p>Mia shook her head.Obviously she didn't know.</p><p>"He asked where you were.He never told me what <em>he</em> needed, just wanted me to make sure you were all right," Sylvain said.His voice was gentle.</p><p>"Why was he so angry?" Mia asked.Why had he looked at <em>her</em> so angrily?</p><p>Sylvain rubbed at his hair."I can't really speak for him.But, agh, he's so secretive--I don't know what he'd be okay with me telling you--I'm no good at getting relationships to work, I'm better at fucking them up."</p><p>Mia watched him debate with himself. </p><p>At last, Sylvain said, "Okay, you can see that he kind of hates Dimitri, right?That's no secret."</p><p>"Right," Mia said, hoping to follow what seemed to be shaping into a labyrinthine conversation."It seems to be a secret from Dimitri, though."</p><p>"Exactly!Dimitri's always been sort of--he's got these blind spots.He's maybe even more oblivious than Felix is.So Felix was hoping that Dimitri wouldn't find out that the two of you were dating," Sylvain said.</p><p>"Why not?" Mia asked.</p><p>"It just means a lot to him.Felix doesn't get to have a lot of secrets, you know.I think it's like--I'm just speculating--you're <em>his</em>.Like, he never even tells me what you talk about, or anything.He wants to have control over who knows that you're his.And so when Dimitri found out, it freaked him out and he raised his spines.They weren't supposed to hit you--you were just, there."</p><p>Mia considered it, her face going red at Sylvain's wording.Was she Felix's?His secret, she supposed, but not anymore.Would that change things?Was that all he wanted--to have her as a secret, so that he could feel that thrill of rebellion that he never got otherwise?If Felix behaved like this now, what would he be like the longer she knew him?</p><p>"What am I supposed to do?" Mia asked.She grabbed a textured throw pillow and hugged it to herself.</p><p>"Wait and see what Felix has to say, I guess," Sylvain suggested."Think about what he's like when it's just you two.Tonight wasn't a good indicator of him--Dimitri being here really put Felix on his guard.Last time they met socially, it didn't go well at all.There's a lot of history there, but probably it'd be better if Felix told you about that."</p><p>"Mercedes and Ingrid said something about Felix being in charge of Dimitri's security, or something," Mia recalled.</p><p>Sylvain nodded."He's weird about that.Dimitri's a good guy, don't get me wrong, but he's gone through some stuff that the rest of us can't even imagine.It changed him and Felix really took it hard."</p><p>Then Felix was loyal to Dimitri after all, just perhaps not the version of Dimitri that existed now.She marvelled at all the baggage someone her age could have, and took a moment to be grateful for having such a boring life. </p><p>"What do you think's going to happen, with Felix and Dimitri?" Mia asked.</p><p>Sylvain heaved a sigh."No idea.Ingrid thinks they'll work it out, but she never takes into account how bad Felix is at stating what he needs.And with Dimitri being so oblivious about things," he trailed off.</p><p>"How long has it been like this?" Mia asked.She remembered when friends of hers had fought in high school, and that had been for a few weeks at most. </p><p>"More than ten years, now," Sylvain said."Felix has been working as his guard for three, though."</p><p>"That's got to be hard for all of you," Mia said.</p><p>Sylvain laughed."I guess.You saw how they were tonight."</p><p>"So you're sure he was mad at Dimitri, and not anything I did?"</p><p>"Yeah," Sylvain said."He might not say much about you, but it's clear he likes you a lot.He's not the best at pretending, you know.But I guess if you didn't grow up with him he can be hard to read."</p><p>"I just didn't expect it to go so badly.Yesterday--" Mia shut up, not wanting to blab about kissing Felix.She groaned."What am I even doing?This is so hard."</p><p>Sylvain yawned."Yeah.But Felix is worth it, I promise.He really is a good friend.You've both got to work at it."</p><p>Mia caught Sylvain's yawn."I guess that makes sense."</p><p>"Don't tell anyone I was making sense," Sylvain warned her."Bad for my image."</p><p>Mia laughed.</p><p>"So you think you'll try?I mean, I'm biased obviously.I want you to work it out, but what are you thinking?"</p><p>"I want to try," Mia said. </p><p>Sylvain nodded, and adjusted his position in their fort.He stretched one leg out."Good.I'm sure he'll apologize.By the way--after I picked up Ruin I gave him a talking-to about some stuff.It pay off?"</p><p>"You mean," Mia tried to remember, "when he promised to try to be less of an asshole?Yeah, he started being more clear with his messages.Full words, even."</p><p>"Good.I didn't want to check up or anything but I've been wondering.That's good," Sylvain said, sounding sleepy.</p><p>Mia yawned again.She thought about Felix's behaviour again, the expression he'd worn, and realized that <em>betrayal</em> included <em>hurt</em>.She supposed that if Felix was hurt that Ingrid would invite Dimitri without telling him, he'd act out.He was hurt by the way his father assumed things about him, and he'd been hurt at the first jewellery party, when they'd discovered Mia was the reason he'd been listening to <em>Just Found Heaven</em>.When Felix was hurt, he raised his spines, as Sylvain had put it.</p><p>"I don't doubt that you're good for him," Sylvain said, "but he's scared, because he's always--" he yawned "--oh, always afraid of not being good enough.He's always putting pressure on himself."</p><p>Mia understood that, more than Sylvain could realize.She knew the fear of failure like an old friend, and also what it was like to give in to it. </p><p>"You feeling better?Can I let Felix know?" Sylvain asked, picking his phone off the floor."Crap, it's late.Early."</p><p>"I'm feeling better," Mia said."You can tell him."She watched Sylvain type out a message.</p><p>"Might be asleep," he said, when after thirty seconds there was no response."What do you want to do, now?"</p><p>Mia thought about going back to the room where she'd had an almost-panic attack, and weighed it against staying up until dawn or perhaps sleeping in this little fort.She didn't feel so bad about staying awake, knowing that she wouldn't have to be the one to drive herself home.The thought of going up past everyone else was nerve-wracking though.</p><p>"I think I could handle being in my room, and I'd really like to change, but," Mia trailed off.</p><p>"Pretty sure everyone's asleep," Sylvain said, reading her mind."Well, not Dimitri.He doesn't."</p><p>"Doesn't?"</p><p>"Doesn't sleep," Sylvain said. </p><p>"So you think the coast is clear?" Mia asked.</p><p>"I'll check for you."Sylvain crawled over her legs to exit the fort.</p><p>Mia stopped him."Hey, Sylvain?Thank you.I really do feel better now."</p><p>"Don't worry about it.Aside from the end--it looked like you had a good time."</p><p>"I did," Mia said."I really did."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i continue to dance around the subject of Dimitri's past, but all will be revealed soon...<br/>just writing about characters yawning is making me so, so, sleepy...</p><p>the title lyrics are from the 'Sing Sing' segment of 'Masterpiece Theatre III', which was originally going to be the entire mood for this but Sylvain was like, 'let's make a pillow fort' and i am helpless to his wishes. it was just his birthday. i can't say no to him.</p><p>We have reached 100k words!! Unbelievable. Thanks everyone who's stuck with me so far, and thanks to everyone who's commented or left kudos, you fill me with confidence!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. holding you is like cupping water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>listen, New Year's Morn' is not flattering to anyone</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix woke up after dreaming fitfully of wolves with hands for mouths chasing him through the woods up North.It left him with an unsettled feeling that lingered as he used his ensuite and blearily picked out clothes for the day.He stopped rummaging through his drawers, remembering he was trying to track this shit.The notebook beside his bed, a dark leather-bound gift from Sylvain, served as his dream journal.Felix wouldn't admit to anyone that he privately referred to it as 'Nightmare Bingo', or that he sort of enjoyed the concept.</p><p>What did he have today?Wolves, hands, the Fortress.No fire, so that was a plus, and no people being mutilated either.So it wasn't that bad, really.Felix scrawled a few brief notes on the dream's symbols--a message from your subconscious, as Mercedes called it--and the way he was left feeling.He added another note on the end, in brackets: (<em>boar, mia)</em></p><p>That done, Felix realized that all he wanted was to wear his largest, most comfortable hoodie, in which he could safely hide from everyone else in the house.Dreading what Dimitri might say, and how Mia might be feeling, he opened his armoire.</p><p>Thirty longswords clattered to the floor, scaring the Hell out of him and Estoc.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix carried Estoc down to the kitchen for her breakfast.It seemed like everyone else was already awake, which wasn't fair, because Felix thought he could have slept in longer and it had been such a late night.He almost began praying that no one would comment on his appearance, as he slunk through the door and set Estoc down on the floor beside the fridge.Spinach Puff saw him and wriggled out of Bernie's arms to run over and start begging for breakfast.</p><p>"Morning," Sylvain said."How'd you sleep?"</p><p>Felix shrugged one shoulder.He wasn't ready to talk about literally anything.He'd left his phone up in his room.He only had space in his brain for two things: feed cats and drink coffee.He went about both tasks, trying to keep his face turned away from everyone else in the room.From the corner of his eye, he could tell that Mercedes and Ashe were also in the kitchen. </p><p>"Anyway," Mercedes said, clearly resuming some story, "the first night after Emil got back from work, there was a shadow at the end of his bed, and it--"</p><p>"Mercedes, <em>please</em> stop," Ashe begged.</p><p>Sylvain was enthralled."You're saying it <em>followed </em>him home from work?"</p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry, Ashe," Mercedes said."I'll tell you the rest later, Sylvain!"</p><p>"Ghosts aren't real," Felix said.</p><p>"I know."Ashe didn't sound convinced.</p><p>Felix sipped more coffee."It was probably carbon monoxide."</p><p>"Oh, you're right," Ashe said.</p><p>"But it was at his job, too," Sylvain pointed out.</p><p>"Talk about it somewhere else," Felix said, setting down his coffee to rub between his eyes."Not'n the mood."</p><p>"Fair enough," Sylvain said.There were leftover cupcakes set out on the counter for 'breakfast'.The sight of them made Felix feel a little queasy.Sylvain snatched one up and moved to lean against the counter beside Felix.</p><p>The coffee tasted like coffee.It wasn't as strong as Felix usually made it, but there was something nice about it anyway.</p><p>"Who made this?" Felix asked.</p><p>Sylvain shrugged."No idea, but I think Dedue was up first?"</p><p>"Yeah, it was Dedue," Ashe said."I got up just a bit after he did."</p><p>"Huh."Felix drank, not ready to call Dedue his saviour but definitely intrigued as to this level of coffee-strength.He'd have to ask about it.Or was it possible for some people to just make better-tasting coffee? </p><p>Sylvain was not interested in coffee.Apparently, he also had no qualms about airing personal things in front of a crowd."So I talked to Mia last night," he said.</p><p>Felix jolted and spilled hot coffee onto the floor.He glared at Sylvain and ripped a paper towel to wipe it up before the cats decided they needed a caffeine boost.</p><p>"Let's see how the others are getting on," Mercedes said, drawing Bernie and Ashe out of the kitchen with her. </p><p>When they were gone, Sylvain just wore a lop-sided grin."There's no need to be mad.And I did text you about it but you never answered."</p><p>"I didn't look at my phone," Felix grumbled. </p><p>"So, yeah.I talked to her about why you were so prickly, and she's okay."</p><p>Even Felix didn't know why he was so prickly."What the fuck did you tell her?"</p><p>"<em>Felix</em>, it's too early for that kind of language."Of course.Of course his old man would decide to waltz in looking like death warmed over.</p><p>"You look like shit," Felix said.</p><p>Rodrigue winced."It was a late night.We had to cover--"</p><p>"I know how New Year's Eve works," Felix spat.He felt Sylvain's hand creep onto his shoulder, no doubt in an attempt to get him to calm down.</p><p>"Yes, you took it on last year, right," Rodrigue said."How was your party?"</p><p>Felix was sure as Hell not going to answer that.He didn't know if Rodrigue knew that Dimitri had been invited.Worse, he didn't know if Dimitri was still there.He could walk in at any time.</p><p>"Lots of fun," Sylvain said."Kept it pretty low-key, but I think everyone's slowly cleaning up the other room right now."</p><p>Even better reason to stay out of there.Felix closed his eyes and sipped his coffee.He listened to his old man puttering around, chatting with Sylvain.At last, Felix couldn't take it.He aggressively topped up his coffee and stormed out, pushed to venture into the other room, where everyone else was talking and eating leftovers from the night before.Ingrid was directing Dedue and Dimitri to take down the higher decorations she'd put up with the aid of a chair.All they needed to do was stretch a little.</p><p>Felix spotted Mia chatting with Annette.She sat in one of the armchairs, leaning forward and holding her coffee with both hands.Once again she was in the combination of leg-hugging jeans and oversized sweater, which Felix realized was kind of the same thing he had on.Just that made him glance away in embarrassment.This was unbearable.He shouldn't have ever asked Mia if what they were doing was dating, all that had achieved was to open him to new flavours of mortification. </p><p>"Felix!Good morning!"</p><p>Dimitri's voice was almost enough to send Felix into a blind rage.Was he really going to pretend that everything was fine?That nothing had happened at all?</p><p>Felix gave him a curt nod.He raised his coffee to his lips, feeling everyone's eyes on him.Time to go.He slunk around the edge of the room to avoid retreating back into the kitchen and his old man's curiosity.His heart was torn between wanting someone to try to stop him, and wanting them to let him go in peace.</p><p>He got a compromise.Mia got to her feet and approached, stopping when he half-turned to hear what she had to say.</p><p>"Could we maybe talk?" she asked. </p><p>He nodded, looking away from the room and continuing his exit.Instead of sneaking upstairs, however, he went to the formal sitting room and sat on the piano bench, facing away from the instrument.Mia sat beside him, at the opposite end of it, leaving space between them.</p><p>"I'm--" she began.</p><p>"Stop."Felix didn't want her apologizing.It would just make him angry.The one who should apologize was the Boar, only all he had were cheerful morning greetings.</p><p>That was wrong.Felix was the one who was supposed to apologize.He stared into his cup, trying to gather his thoughts without keeping Mia waiting for too long.</p><p>"I overreacted," Felix said."I wasn't mad at you."Yes, that was true.He still wasn't mad at her.He was just mad in general."Things are--it's a lot."</p><p>She didn't say anything, just waited for him to go on.Nothing he might try to tell her would matter.He thought of Ingrid's desire to just pretend things were how they used to be.Could he ask that of Mia?To forgive him and act like he hadn't pushed her away?He looked at her sidelong, startled that she was watching him with something like sympathy on her face.</p><p>Felix opened his mouth, but nothing came out.<em>I'm just not good enough</em>.All Mia did was wait.Would she stay there all day?</p><p>Frustrated by all the thoughts running through his brain, he forced himself to say, "I'm not mad at you.And I fucked it up and I still--still like you and I shouldn't have lashed out the way I did." </p><p>"Why did you?" Mia didn't sound mad, or hurt.</p><p>"Everything's complicated.The Boar--Dimitri--he's not--" Felix tipped his head back.He didn't want to talk about this, it never got him anywhere."Everyone who's been following his life just pretends that he's the same person he ever was.But he's not and it's not even a secret."</p><p>"Do you want to talk about that?"</p><p>Felix shook his head, adamant."I just--you don't know his other nickname, do you?They call him 'Prince Dimitri'.But it's all an act."Felix sipped his coffee, used the cup to block her view of his mouth when he added, under his breath, "I know him."</p><p>"He's apologized for what happened," Mia said, unaware that this was the act to which Felix was referring.</p><p>"Of course he did."It came out harsher than he liked to talk around her. </p><p>"I'm not going to take a side in this when I don't know what's going on," Mia said, her voice gaining a little edge of its own.</p><p>"I didn't ask you to, I'm just trying to warn you," Felix snapped.He bristled, ready to dig in for a fight.</p><p>"Then thank you for the warning, I'll heed it as best I can."Mia's tone bordered on sarcasm.</p><p>"It's your funeral if you don't," Felix said, jaw tensing.</p><p>Mia stretched the fingers of her hand not holding her coffee.She let out a short sigh."All right.How are you doing?After last night?"</p><p>Her question dumped a bucket of water on the kindling that was building in Felix's chest.There was no reason to fight her.Felix deflated a little.</p><p>"Fine.I was worried.About you."God, it was embarrassing to admit.Felix couldn't bear to look at her.</p><p>"Are you ready to join the others, or do you still want some privacy?"</p><p>The obvious answer was the latter, to retreat to his room and avoid everyone else until they left.But pretending that they weren't there, thinking about him and his outbursts, was also something Felix found he couldn't do.</p><p>"I didn't tell him that we were dating," Mia said.</p><p>Felix was startled into looking at her."Why not?"</p><p>She shrugged."It's not my place.I mean, I'm sure he's guessed, but when he asked about it I tried to be as vague as I could.Was that right?"</p><p>It was far more than Felix deserved."Yeah.Thanks."</p><p>***</p><p>Mia wished that had gone better, but after a few more moments sitting on the piano bench, she could see Felix relaxing.Whatever his history with Dimitri, it had made a huge impact on him.She had remembered Sylvain's words and tried to be patient when the mention of Dimitri put him on his guard again.If she hadn't personally found herself in the line of fire, she was sure she'd find it fascinating.</p><p>As it was, she was glad to have survived the conversation without it turning into the kind of argument Felix had had with his dad when they'd first arrived here. </p><p>"I think I'm ready," Felix said, meeting her eyes briefly.His dark circles were stark on his pale skin.He looked gaunt and haunted, a far cry from the picture she'd seen in his bedroom.A far cry from the man she'd kissed after he'd won his duel, for that matter.</p><p>"I'll be there," Mia said, hoping it counted as being reassuring.She never really had much opportunity to offer support, but this was along the lines of the kind he'd shown her.</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>They rejoined the rest of the group.The girls were scooping the huge gold sequins off the tables and putting them back in Ingrid's ziploc bag.Ashe was picking them off the carpet, on his hands and knees.Sylvain gathered up glasses that were scattered around the room.</p><p>Dimitri saw them and Mia noticed him focus, like he was about to lunge in with some comment on their appearance.It was Dedue who shook his head, and the result was that Dimitri ducked behind his unruly hair and said nothing.Mia wordlessly joined the others in cleaning up.She felt Felix trailing behind her wherever she went, not saying anything, but not doing much to help.Whatever.</p><p>Ashe broke the silence with an anecdote on his cat.It lead to a soft conversation that eased the group through the tension that had been hanging like a fog in the house since the night before.Rodrigue stopped in to see how the clean-up efforts were going, but he didn't have much to say and looked totally beat.He carried a mug of tea somewhere deeper into the mansion, and was not seen again.</p><p>They were done cleaning by lunch, which was a dizzying assortment of frozen pizzas that Sylvain and Ashe took charge of heating up.Mia got a couple slices of a pepper-covered vegetarian and poured herself a glass of coke.Felix waited in the kitchen until something spicier was ready.</p><p>Mia sat on the couch and balanced her plate on her knees.Bernie and Mercedes sat on either side of her.They talked about their plans for the year.Mercedes was going to learn to knit prosthetic breasts for people who'd had mastectomies, and Bernie was going to try to get her digitally-published books onto a top-ten list.It made Mia think about her own goals.Her jewellery sales had picked up considerably, so there was always that, but she kind of liked the idea of being a published writer.She was already thinking about revising her NaNoWriMo project, but it would be a lot of work.She didn't know if she could do it.</p><p>Dimitri sat on the floor, putting his plate on the coffee table and eating over that.Felix joined them, taking a chair.The girls asked what their New Year's Resolution were and Felix, unsurprisingly, scoffed and said that it was a stupid tradition.</p><p>"I'd like to win the Stanley Cup," Dimitri said, lifting his pizza to his mouth.He'd obviously chosen some kind of quintuple cheese pizza or something, and his plate was stacked with it.Cheese stretched from the slice of pizza to his mouth.The sight of it was awful.</p><p>It was just one of those things.Mia made a face and tried to avoid looking at him, but it was as mesmerizing as it was grotesque.Dimitri sloppily stuffed his face with cheesy pizza and Mia knew her own expression was twisting up with disgust.</p><p>Dedue sat on the floor at the end of the coffee table."You seem to be attracting attention.Perhaps you should slow down."</p><p>Dimitri paused with his mouth open and his food hovering above his plate.A string of cheese dangled from it."Huh?"</p><p>"I really don't know what I expected from a hockey player called the Boar," Mia said.Felix snorted, and she glanced at him to see that he wore an expression of great satisfaction. </p><p>"That's a little unkind," Dedue pointed out.</p><p>Dimitri finally noticed Mia's expression of horror."What?"He had another bite, no more careful than before.</p><p>"That's actually so disgusting," Mia said."It's dangling from your mouth now--oh my God I can't look."She managed to tear her gaze away, and saw that Felix was probably doing the Felix-equivalent of laughing his ass off, which meant he was grinning evilly behind his hand.</p><p>She had to do something about that expression."Felix, you're so civilized."</p><p>All that changed was the addition of pink to his cheeks."It's no use.He'll never learn any better.It's his nature."His words were about as harsh as they'd been every time Mia had heard him interact with Dimitri, but for the first time his tone suggested he was only teasing. </p><p>"I'm so sorry," Dimitri said, without the weight that had been present when he'd apologized to Mia that morning, "I'm just trying to eat."</p><p>"Maybe some of it will even end up in your mouth," Felix said.</p><p>Dimitri made eye contact with Felix and shoved the entire slice into his mouth.Ingrid came in and groaned in disgust.</p><p>"Augh, stop that!Why are the three of you so gross?"</p><p>"I'm not gross," Felix protested.</p><p>"Me neither," Sylvain whined.</p><p>"Okay," Ingrid said, "I don't even need to explain why <em>you're</em> gross--" she lightly kicked Sylvain in the shin "--and Felix?I've seen you sharing a spoon with your cat."</p><p>"She likes soup," Felix pointed out."It's not like I let her drink out of the bowl."</p><p>"How would that be worse?She licks her own butt," Ingrid retorted.She settled into the window seat and began whittling down her own mountain of pizza.</p><p>There was a chorus of groans and protests from the rest of the group.</p><p>"Felix that's--maybe not the most hygienic thing to do."</p><p>"It's called intimacy," Sylvain said with a wink.He perched on the arm of Felix's chair.</p><p>"Is soup even good for cats?"</p><p>"So you'll share a spoon with a cat but if there's more than two grains of sugar in something it's gross?"</p><p>Felix was red.He pulled his feet up onto his chair and burrowed into his huge hoodie."I hate all of you."</p><p>Lunch passed with more easy conversation, and they were just getting truly comfortable as a group when Bernie declared that she was going home.Mercedes and Annette both left soon after.Ingrid wanted to have an early start on her drive, as well, which Dimitri took as his cue to start saying goodbye.</p><p>"It's probably for the best," he said to Ingrid.Mia didn't mean to listen in, but she wanted to talk to Ingrid about getting a ride with her.After everything, she hadn't really talked to Felix about him driving her home, but it seemed sort of dumb, considering the traffic, the distance, and the fact that Ingrid was going out the same way, anyway.</p><p>"I'm sorry I didn't tell him you were coming," Ingrid was saying to Dimitri, giving him a hug."Can you try talking to him?"</p><p>Dimitri looked sheepish."Not after last time.I'm just glad that he--oh, Mia."</p><p>"Sorry, I just wanted to ask Ingrid about bumming a ride," Mia said. </p><p>"Oh, of course you can ride with me," Ingrid said."It'll be great to have company for the drive."</p><p>Mia thanked her and left her to her conversation with Dimitri, so that she could find Felix and tell him his services as a chauffeur would not be required.</p><p>She found him sitting with Ashe, Sylvain, and the cats.</p><p>"So I talked to Ingrid about getting a ride home," she said.</p><p>Felix looked up at her."I said I'd drive you."</p><p>"Do you really want to?There and back in traffic?When Ingrid's already going that direction?" Mia asked.</p><p>"I guess," Felix said.</p><p>"And gas is expensive and--"</p><p>Felix snorted."That's not important."</p><p>"Right," Mia said, uneasy.</p><p>"Mia's got some good points," Ashe said.</p><p>Sylvain nodded."You're already tired out.Let Ingrid drive her."</p><p>"Fine!" Felix snapped."You don't have to convince me like I'm some unreasonable child, I understand and I said it's fine."</p><p>"Well," Mia said."I'll get my stuff ready to go."</p><p>Spinach Puff followed her upstairs, perhaps to make sure she didn't steal any of his toys.Mia didn't have much packing to do, just folding her clothes a little better to fit in her bag.She picked up Spinach Puff and sat on the bed with him, feeling his plush fur and smiling that he had a safe home now.After a very long weekend, she was ready to go home, herself. </p><p>"Oh, there you are!"Dimitri appeared in the doorway."I never said goodbye to you."</p><p>Mia was surprised he cared about something like that.They hadn't made any real connection the day before, and at lunch she'd kind of been rude to him.He approached, his posture getting smaller as he did.</p><p>"It was very nice to meet you," he said, extending his hand to her.</p><p>Mia changed her grip on Spinach Puff to take it.His palm was calloused and she noticed, up close, some kind of pinkish scarring on the side of his hand, extending from his pinky and ring fingers up his wrist, disappearing under his sleeve.</p><p>"You, too," Mia said.</p><p>Dimitri smiled, showing lots of teeth."Would it be all right if I talked to Felix about getting a cat from you?If you still have any, that is?"</p><p>"Yes, there's still two that could probably adjust to indoor life.The others are maybe too wild.Either way, there'll be more in the spring," Mia added.</p><p>"I think I'd like one," Dimitri said."It would be good to have something to take care of.And I wanted to say, also, that I'm grateful that you're friends with Felix--whether it's romantic or not--you--he was calm.When you were beside him.It was really a relief to see, because normally he's very tightly wound."</p><p>Through all of this, he had not let go of Mia's hand.She was forced to stare at his very blue eyes until he was done.When he was, she really didn't know what to say.</p><p>"I shouldn't keep Dedue waiting any longer," Dimitri said, letting Mia go."I hope that we get to see each other again.I hope you have a very successful year, Mia."</p><p>"Uh, thanks," Mia said."You, too."Dimitri smiled and left the room, and Mia felt strangely cold and very small once his large figure had disappeared into the hallway.Felix's warning rang in her mind but she couldn't see anything particularly dangerous about Dimitri.There was no trace of the so-called Boar that Felix was determined to bring up at every opportunity.And if there was, why would she try to aggravate him?But even when she'd been impolite, he hadn't responded angrily.</p><p>Perhaps driving home with Ingrid would be a blessing.Being stuck in a car with Felix for two hours would inevitably give him time to conjure up thoughts of Dimitri and for things to get uncomfortable.So far, Mia had only had shallow, polite interactions with Ingrid.There wouldn't be anything to worry about on the trip home with her.</p><p>Hopeful of this, Mia set Spinach Puff on the floor and hoisted her bag over her shoulder. </p><p>***</p><p>Felix watched Mia pick her way down the stairs as Spinach Puff wove around her legs.She was ready to leave, and he felt that something about all of this had gone wrong, but there wasn't anything he could do except get Mia's tupperware out of the kitchen for her. </p><p>He handed it to her in the entryway, just a little further down the hall from where he'd dug in for a fight with the old man on their arrival.She thanked him and neither of them tried to meet the other's eyes.Felix's stomach was twisting up while he tried to puzzle out what was expected of him in this moment.Expectations, wants, needs, he didn't have any answers for himself.What was right and what he wanted, what was wrong and what he couldn't bring himself to do, the lines between these things were thin and drawn with a shaky hand. </p><p>"I'll text when we get to Airmid," Ingrid said, wrapping her arms around him in a hug.Felix bore it, and remembered to wish her a safe drive.</p><p>Mia shuffled her things to reach a hand out to him.She'd already said goodbye to the cats.</p><p>"Thanks for inviting me," she said, quietly."I'm really glad to have seen Spinach Puff all settled in."</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said.He pulled his hand from his pocket to put it in Mia's.She squeezed it.</p><p>"And I'm glad I got to see your duel--thanks for letting me watch.I hope we can get together more this month," she added, and looked at Felix's face.Whatever she was searching for, she pulled herself a little closer and put her other arm around him.It was awkward, as that was the hand that was holding her plastic container and laden down with her bag.Felix's other hand was trapped in his pocket, so he just tipped his head forward to press his forehead against her shoulder.</p><p>"Yeah.Uh.Thanks for coming.I--things could've gone better.If you--I mean, if you do want to meet again, then I'd be glad."He turned his face away as Mia pulled back."Bye."</p><p>"Bye," Mia said.</p><p>She and Ingrid left, taking their things to the car.Felix groaned and pressed his forehead against the wall.</p><p>"Shit."</p><p>Sylvain came up behind him."What?What happened?"</p><p>Felix crunched his eyes shut."It's nothing.I have to say something to her next time."</p><p>Until then, it would eat him alive from the inside.Felix had yet again not managed once to say that he was sorry.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so rude to poor Dimitri what did he ever do to deserve this<br/>but i guess i'm pretty damn rude to Felix and Mia, too. fair's fair</p><p>the title is from 'Willing to Fall Down' by Jann Arden</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. up where the clouds gonna clear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>just drivin' through traffic, no heavy conversations here~<br/>...there are heavy conversations here. </p><p>This chapter contains discussion of past character death, just a heads up</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At least the volume of Ingrid's country music was low.The silence between the two women in the car was companionable and Mia tried to let herself relax, as much as she could while a passenger in heavy traffic.Ingrid drove a respectable silver truck, no extended cab, nice and small and probably perfect for pulling a horse trailer behind it.The inside was neat, if a little barn-smelly from muddy boots, but Mia was fine with that. </p><p>After about twenty minutes the traffic came to a near-standstill.Ingrid tapped the steering wheel."I'm sorry if my inviting Dimitri complicated things between you and Felix."</p><p>"I think it's fine," Mia said."I'm sure it would have come up eventually.I mean, it's a big part of him, right?And it isn't going away anytime soon, is it?"</p><p>Ingrid hummed in agreement."I wish he'd just talk about things."</p><p>Both women knew that wasn't how Felix operated.Carrie Underwood sang from the stereo about a tornado. </p><p>"How <em>did</em> it happen?You two deciding to go out?" Ingrid asked."I can't imagine him asking, but I can't imagine him <em>being</em> asked and not being contrary on purpose."</p><p>"He asked," Mia said.She explained the circumstances, how neither of them really knew what they'd been doing but kind of sort of wanted to see about trying. </p><p>Ingrid spotted a sign for the HOV lane and began the arduous process of getting over to it."I wish I knew what made him ask in the first place, though.I guess I didn't think it was something he ever even thought about."</p><p>Mia had a suspicion that the recording of her singing <em>Deep End</em> may have had something to do with his question."I may have made a gesture.Without really knowing it."</p><p>Eyeing her, Ingrid let out a long, "Mm-hmmm."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Ingrid blushed and turned her attention back to the road."Nothing.Can I ask what kind of gesture?Like, girl to girl, as advice?Since it, you know.Worked."</p><p>Mia realized then that they were probably talking about Ingrid and Ferdinand, not Mia and Felix, and had been in a roundabout way since the start of this conversation.So Felix wasn't the only one needing to learn how to communicate.</p><p>"I sent him something.That I did," Mia said.She was <em>not</em> going to admit to singing.She was not going to allow an increase in the number of people who knew that recordings of her voice existed.</p><p>"Please tell me it wasn't a nude," Ingrid whispered.</p><p>"No!Oh my God!Why!No!"</p><p>Ingrid laughed nervously as she got them into the fast lane.As soon as the HOV lane began, they were in prime position to reach it.Sure enough, their lane began to pick up in speed as other people had the same idea.</p><p>"Sorry!He did say you sent something--I'm so used to hearing about Sylvain's escapades--"</p><p>"Ugh," Mia said, fighting a laugh, herself."No.I made something.Um."</p><p>"Like, you wrote a story?"Ingrid asked.Mia thanked her lucky stars.She could lie to Ingrid, right?</p><p>"Yes," Mia said, and thought of a way to make it a half-truth, which was even better."We were talking about swords in my story and I based a talking sword off of Estoc."</p><p>"Oh, that's so cool!Okay, that is a gesture," Ingrid conceded. </p><p>It made some things clear to Mia, such as her interactions with Felix having in fact been a series of gestures, probably from the both of them, which neither had been aware of.  She needed to learn how to communicate, just like everyone else.</p><p>"I don't know what kind of gesture I could do.If any.You know, I shouldn't even be thinking like this," Ingrid said.They arrived at where HOV lane began and she signalled her intent to join it. </p><p>"You said Ferdinand would be at your birthday dinner, right?" Mia said.Maybe Ingrid was nervous about voicing her feelings but this situation didn't apply to Mia at all and she was empty of any advice.There was no need for her to be subtle.</p><p>Ingrid sighed in resignation and set the cruise control when they were past the dotted line and no more cars could merge in front of them."Yes."</p><p>"So that's good, then," Mia said."He likes being around you.Is he single?"</p><p>It was nice not being the one blushing.Ingrid nodded, once."Yes.But--can I kind of vent to you?I know we're not that close but--"</p><p>"Go ahead," Mia said.She had to admit, she was curious what Ingrid would vent about."In school I was the one all my friends vented to.I doubt I could give any advice then or now, though.But sometimes it helps you figure things out on your own, just saying it out loud."</p><p>"Okay.Thank you," Ingrid said, settling into her lane and perhaps relaxing a bit with her focus divided."I keep getting this feeling, like I'm not allowed to want it.Like, asking him to be more than friends is a betrayal."</p><p>"As long as you're okay with him saying that being friends is all he wants, then it's fine to ask," Mia said."I'm pretty sure.Otherwise how would anyone ever know?"</p><p>"That's not it," Ingrid said, tapping again at the steering wheel.Another Carrie Underwood song was playing, softly.Mia didn't recognize it."That's <em>part</em> of it," Ingrid amended."But it's a betrayal of--this is embarrassing."</p><p>"You don't have to tell me," Mia assured her.</p><p>Ingrid bit her lip."Did you ever love anyone, when you were a kid?Like, you said you'd marry them?"</p><p>"Everyone does," Mia said, frowning."I said I was going to marry Keira Knightley."</p><p>That got a small laugh out of Ingrid."Okay, that's a mood.But this was--" she took a deep breath, and released it "--Glenn.I was in love with Felix's brother."</p><p>"Oh," Mia said, a few things clicking into place.</p><p>Ingrid blushed furious crimson."He was way older than the three of us but I was crazy about him, and it wasn't a secret.But he was always so kind about it.He was like--like some sort of knight out of a fairy tale.He was smart and kind and funny and always looking out for us.He was Felix's hero, and mine.I thought that when I grew up I'd marry him and it would solve everything.And then--like some knight in a fairy tale--he died, a hero."</p><p>"I'm sorry," Mia breathed. </p><p>Sighing heavily, Ingrid shook her head."It was unrealistic of me to think like that.An immature way to look at a human being."</p><p>"But it was still love, right?" Mia said."It was unrealistic but it was real?Your feelings, I mean."</p><p>"Maybe," Ingrid said.</p><p>Now Mia could see things a little better.Why Ingrid was so determined to be in charge of their friend group, why she couldn't stand the thought of them breaking apart.Why she felt responsible for them.Ingrid had made all kinds of plans and they'd fallen apart after Glenn's death. </p><p>It made sense, though.One person's death was bound to affect everyone who used to know them.</p><p>"So even though it was in the past and only partially real," Ingrid's voice was soft, "I feel like I'm betraying him.By letting myself consider looking at someone else."</p><p>Mia could only imagine the kind of turmoil Ingrid was feeling about all of this."So you never let yourself have any feelings for anyone since then?"</p><p>"No, of course not," Ingrid said. </p><p>"Did you want to?"</p><p>Ingrid pursed her lips. </p><p>"Because," Mia said, "you're real, too.What you want is important.Making yourself suffer because of how you felt in the past is--"</p><p>"No one could compare to him," Ingrid interrupted.She blinked rapidly, perhaps to clear her eyes of tears.Mia decided to stare straight through the windshield at the traffic in front of them.Better if she was watching the road, too.</p><p>"I think that's okay," Mia said.The old green van in front of them was much slower than they were.Mia tensed until Ingrid clicked the cruise control down a few times and her truck slowed to match the van ahead."No one's going to be the same as him, but if you don't want to be single you don't have to be.That's all I'm saying.That punishing yourself for how you felt as a child--"</p><p>"I was in my teens."</p><p>"--as a <em>child</em>," Mia reiterated, "isn't the right way to treat yourself."</p><p>"I'm not punishing myself," Ingrid said.She sounded more defeated than convinced of it, though. </p><p>Mia jolted as the first notes of a familiar Shania Twain song began to ring out from the speakers.She struggled to keep her mind on the topic at hand when the song was so oblivious to the mood in the truck's cab.</p><p>"So then you don't want to see where things could go with Ferdinand," Mia said.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It's 'bout as bad as it can be</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seems everybody's bugging me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Like nothing wants to go my way</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah it just ain't been my day</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing's coming easily</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"I mean, I do," Ingrid faltered, "but I don't.I can't--ask--"</p><p>"But if he asked you out?" Mia coaxed.</p><p>"I think--yes, I'd say yes to a date with him."Ingrid's blush was not going anywhere anytime soon.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Up up up, can only go up from here</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Up up up, up where the clouds gonna clear</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Up up up, there's no way but up from here</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"But if <em>you</em> started that conversation, it would be too much like taking responsibility for your own feelings?"</p><p>Ingrid hissed."Well--so much for not having any advice."</p><p>"Sorry," Mia said.She was just pretty used to overthinking.Whether it ever led her to a useful conclusion was another story.</p><p>"No, I asked.And you're maybe not wrong.I've been--letting things pass me by, with the same excuses.But I always want to be strong and confident and I've been doing a lot of wallowing instead."</p><p>"I think given the circumstances, that's okay, too," Mia said."You were hurt.You can't just expect yourself to be ready to move on right away." </p><p>Ingrid made a little sound of acknowledgement.The two women listened to another chorus of <em>Up</em>, neither voicing their thoughts.Mia was reeling from the whole subject, hoping she had been saying the right things even though she was just making stuff up on the fly.She didn't want to hurt Ingrid's feelings, or tell her how to behave.But even though they'd only known each other a short time, Mia wanted Ingrid to be happy and to be able to decide and act on her own wants.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When everything is goin' wrong</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don't worry it won't last for long</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah it's all gonna come around</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don't go let it get you down</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You gotta keep on holding on</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ingrid made a series of 'hm's' and 'well's' and Mia watched the scenery go by, letting the other woman think. </p><p>"I can't ask Monday," Ingrid said at last.</p><p>"No, that could get awkward for both of you," Mia agreed.</p><p>Ingrid nodded."But it might be a good time to test the, ah, waters?If there might be interest, and then a few days later I can always talk to him about doing more things.Just the two of us.Some other time."</p><p>"Sounds like a plan to me," Mia said.</p><p>"It does.I like having a plan.It's a good plan."</p><p>"Sounds like it.And you don't have to worry about anything on Monday, because Leonie and Marianne and I will be there, too," Mia pointed out.</p><p>"Oh," Ingrid said, "you're right!I can ask what you three think I should do, afterwards."</p><p>"See?You're not alone.We've got your back, Ingrid."</p><p>She looked over at Mia, her face relieved."Thanks.And for listening, too.Hey, if you ever need to talk about anything, message or call or something, okay?We can get all the girls together if need be.You're one of us, now."</p><p>Considering Ingrid was the one who'd just been helped through a difficult conversation, Mia felt quite out of line when her eyes threatened to well up with tears."Thank you," she squeaked."That means a lot to me."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i kept having to run diagnostics on this since we're dealing with heavy topics, which is one reason why it took a little longer to write such an average-length chapter. i managed to at least keep it down to one subject but let me know if there's anything poorly-handled about it.</p><p>i've seen modern au's have Ingrid be engaged to Glenn for like...business purposes, which definitely keeps the whole 'arranged marriage' thing in place, but i wanted to try something different, so this is what i went with. we're never explicitly told how Ingrid truly felt about being engaged to Glenn, but she did idolize him so I'm guessing she was also satisfied with the match. Unless she was idolizing him in an attempt to convince herself that the match was one she was satisfied with..but there's also hints that Glenn was very soft and kind to Ingrid..unless that had to do with his attempt to make the match work. anyway it's all very fuzzy and i decided to be an optimist about it &gt;w&lt;</p><p>the title is from 'Up' by Shania Twain, but the Mood is 'The Death of Me' by Marianas Trench, which i never thought i'd be using for inspiration.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. and in the end i guess i had to fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>too much is revealed</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter contains a non-graphic description of a tragic and violent event--my translation of the game's canon into this AU. I kept the details vague and brief on purpose, but I'm not sure if it could still be triggering to some people; it includes reference to a fictional act of mass violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Of all of their friends to stay later, Ashe was probably at the bottom of whatever list of upsetting lingering houseguests existed in Felix's mind, tied with Bernadetta.He didn't need to mention who was at the top of the list.</p><p>Currently, Ashe was asking if there was anything left that he could help clean up.Felix told him that everything had been taken care of, and did not suggest that he take a hint and leave because so had everyone except for Sylvain.</p><p>"Oh, right," Felix said, remembering something, "I've got to return that stuff you lent me."</p><p>"Oh, there's no hurry," Ashe said.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes and went upstairs to retrieve the books Ashe had insisted he read.He held them up to show Ashe he was putting them on the table in the entryway.</p><p>"What did you think of them?" Ashe asked.</p><p>Felix didn't love talking about this sort of thing in front of people, but Sylvain wasn't people.Sylvain was Sylvain."Good.The one with the house was sort of weird though."</p><p>"Yeah, I only suggested it because you liked the other books that she wrote," Ashe admitted."I know it's not your usual thing."</p><p>"Still, I guess it's amazing that she pulled it off at all," Felix said.The book had been weird as fuck, all split timelines and parallel worlds based on the decisions one made.It had made him think, critically, about himself and the things he'd done and said.After reading it, he had to wonder how things could have branched away if he'd only done something differently.The comfort, he supposed, lay in the idea that there did exist a world in which those other actions had played out.Somewhere, things were different for a different version of himself.</p><p>And he was stuck here, possibly in the worst version of his own story.</p><p>"The stuff Mia writes sounds really cool," Ashe said."Does she talk about it much with you?"</p><p>"She did.Last month."Felix frowned, torn out of his pessimistic thoughts for a second.If he hadn't shown himself to Mia when she had been singing, and simply let her leave without pursuing her and demanding to hear more, then a lot of things would have been different.Would that timeline have been worse than the one in which this version of himself lived?</p><p>"Oh, right, National Novel Writing Month," Ashe said. </p><p>"Yeah, I guess," Felix grunted.</p><p>"Nerd month," Sylvain said.</p><p>Ashe and Felix shared a look.They knew Sylvain was just as enthusiastic about a good piece of fiction as Ashe was and Felix pretended not to be.</p><p>"Although, it's not last month anymore," Ashe laughed."It's last <em>year</em>, now.I kind of want to try writing a novel in a month but I know I don't have time for it.Still, I love hearing about the writing process and behind the scenes stuff."</p><p>"Bernie's always sharing stuff like that online, you know," Sylvain said.</p><p>Ashe said that he knew, because of course he followed Bernadetta and read all of her fics."But it was also neat how so much of what Mia's read overlaps with the stuff we're into," Ashe said, diverting back to their original topic.</p><p>"Oh," Felix said.He had never asked Mia about what she liked to read, mostly because he was so weird about sharing his interests with people anymore.And he'd never thought to ask.He had known he was not good at this but perhaps he was even worse than he'd thought.</p><p>Either cheerfully oblivious to Felix never having had a normal-person conversation with Mia or, more likely, knowing and pretending not to, Ashe said, "it really makes sense that the two of you would get along.You've clearly got a lot in common."</p><p>Felix snorted at that."I don't have things in common with people."</p><p>"No, you are unique," Sylvain announced, "a singularity!Undefinable!Your interests are so niche that it would be impossible for you to find someone who shares your taste!Even less likely to ever engage in a duel with someone as crazy for swords as you are!"</p><p>"Shut up," Felix said, verging on a laugh."You know what I mean."</p><p>Ashe shook his head."And what are we, then?Space aliens?"</p><p>"Space aliens are people," Sylvain said solemnly.</p><p>"What are we, then, space dust?" Ashe amended, not missing a beat.</p><p>"We're all space dust," Sylvain said, transforming his voice to something awed and reverent.</p><p>"You're both insufferable," Felix said.He spotted a missed scrap of a paper streamer--one of the cats must have torn it and hid it--under the couch.He snapped his fingers and pointed at it."Someone get that."</p><p>"Oh, my <em>Lord</em>, allow me," Sylvain said, leaping to his feet.Of course he'd make fun of Felix over a simple request. </p><p>"Actually, you call me 'my <em>HLord'</em>," Felix corrected, with a sniff.</p><p>"How could I have made such a blunder?" Sylvain said with an exaggerated bow that put him within reach of the piece of garbage.He snatched it up and held it to his forehead like it was a handkerchief and he was some maiden in a cheap medieval romance."Please forgive me, My <em>HLord</em>!"</p><p>Ashe was watching with bright, curious eyes."Do I want to ask?"</p><p>"Sylvain's an idiot," Felix explained.</p><p>"Felix is cruel," Sylvain added."He doesn't appreciate me."</p><p>"You're both idiots," Ashe said warmly.Felix grinned.When they'd first met in school, Ashe had been very shy about his place in the group.It had been irritating to no end.Now, Felix knew that his comments wouldn't be taken too personally, and could count on Ashe to offer his own quips and observations, which were often dry and well worth the length of time it had taken for Ashe to become confident enough to share them.</p><p>"Now, now," came a harried voice from the door to the kitchen.Rodrigue appeared with a freshly steaming mug of tea that probably held about four standard cups.Felix rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Oh, sorry," Ashe said."Just kidding around."</p><p>"Hm," Rodrigue said.He entered the room, of course.At least he didn't look quite as rough as he had that morning.Apparently he'd mustered the energy to run a brush through his hair."Ashe, are you and Sylvain the only guests left?"</p><p>"Obviously," Felix snapped.</p><p>His old man was tired enough to just brush it off.He sat down, holding his oversized cup in both hands."I take it that Miss Cecile went home with Ingrid, then?I would have liked to wish her a safe trip, myself."</p><p>"I doubt she wanted to talk to you," Felix muttered.No doubt Mia would spend all the drive home rethinking her decision to go out with him, now that she'd met his family and 'friends'.He couldn't blame her.</p><p>"Felix," Rodrigue sighed."Later, we'll talk about all of this."</p><p>It was the tone that warned of an impending guilt-trip, something the old man was a specialist in.Felix dreaded it as much as it gave him a thrill. </p><p>"<em>You'll</em> talk," Felix said, behind his hand.Ashe's eyes widened and Sylvain just looked resigned. </p><p>Before Rodrigue could rise to the bait, they both stood up.</p><p>"I'd better get home," Ashe said."I've got to work tomorrow."</p><p>"Me too," Sylvain said."Not about the work, but, you know--Ruin's probably left a disaster for me to clean up--"</p><p>"Ah," Rodrigue said, "there's no need for you to feel that you have to leave early."</p><p>Ashe let free a nervous little laugh."Of course not!I really do have work tomorrow!"</p><p>Sylvain had seen enough of Felix and Rodrigue to know where the conversation was headed and apparently was not in the mood to stick around for it.It was fine.Forcing Sylvain to mediate their battles was asking too much, even if Felix would like to at least have his best friend's advice before doing this.</p><p>The two guests thanked them again for hosting and said their goodbyes.Ashe took his books and promised to share the one he was currently reading when he was done with it.</p><p>As soon as their cars had left the driveway, Felix began to storm upstairs, as though he could conceivably avoid the conversation they were going to have.</p><p>"Felix, wait," Rodrigue said.</p><p>Felix paused halfway up the steps."What."</p><p>"I wanted to talk to you, about--"</p><p>"I'm not in the mood."</p><p>"Felix, <em>please</em>," Rodrigue said.</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Felix leaned on the railing and waited.He stared down his nose at his old man.</p><p>Rodrigue ran his hand through his hair."Why do you always make it so hard?"</p><p>Felix didn't answer.</p><p>Rodrigue pressed onward."Can you tell me about your girlfriend?"</p><p>"Why do you care?"</p><p>"You know the answer to that, Felix."</p><p>"We haven't slept together if it bothers you so much not to know.And we're not going to anytime soon."Possibly never, if Felix was right about her turning tail now that she'd seen the company he kept and the other sides of him that they brought out.</p><p>"I'm not trying to judge you," Rodrigue insisted."I just want you to be safe--"</p><p>Felix scoffed "Not trying to judge?I guess not--it just comes naturally to you."</p><p>"--That includes your feelings, Felix.You've never let anyone in like this before, and I can't help but wonder if it's fear that held you back," Rodrigue said, wincing at Felix's words but not addressing them.So he'd been thinking about what he was going to say ahead of time, giving him an edge. </p><p>"What does it matter what's held me back in the past?It's not like you ever asked me then."</p><p>"It matters because if you're afraid to lose someone, you might do things you aren't comfortable with so that they'll stay," Rodrigue said.</p><p>Felix clenched his teeth and gripped the railing hard enough to turn his knuckles white."Don't assume that we're uncomfortable about the same things."</p><p>"Despite what you might think, I know you, and I have been paying attention."</p><p>"You don't."</p><p>Rodrigue took a step forward, upwards, closer to Felix."I wish you didn't think that way.I'm sorry that I haven't shown the understanding you need."</p><p>"Shut up.You always--you think you're paying attention but you only see what you want to."</p><p>"What is it you want me to see?" Rodrigue cautiously extended his hand, as if to a wild dog. </p><p>It was a question--and a gesture--that Felix had been unprepared for.His mind jumbled, shelves of sharp objects all clattering to the ground in a tangle of metal and rust.What he wanted his father to see?See the hurt he carried?See that he <em>was</em> afraid?See how alone he felt?See Glenn?<em>See me?</em></p><p>"Sometimes I wish you'd been the one guarding Dimitri that day," Felix growled, and regretted it instantly. </p><p>"I wish that, too," Rodrigue whispered.Pain lanced through Felix's chest.</p><p>He couldn't see properly through the blurring in his eyes.He pushed past his father, down the stairs, to shove his feet into the boots he'd left near the door.</p><p>"Felix, where are you going?"</p><p>Felix couldn't speak over the lump in his throat but his mind screamed.He snatched his coat from the closet.He slammed the door and it just bounced back open.Felix shut it harder, pressing his fist against it to keep it closed. </p><p>"Felix, wait--"</p><p>He was out the door before he'd put on his coat.</p><p>***</p><p>After Mia had gotten home and told her parents all about the party, minus the turn it took at the end, she went up to her laptop to message Felix that she had arrived safely.Her finger hovered over the bookmark for Google.Did she want to do this?There was no guarantee that she would find anything at all.</p><p>Mia clicked it, and typed in the search bar, 'Dimitri boar hockey player'.</p><p>The first result was for the Wikipedia page of Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd.Mia followed the link and began to read.</p><p>She skimmed through, <em>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd...son of hockey legend Lambert Egitte Blaiddyd...junior worlds...blah blah...Early Life...played hockey from a young age...joined junior team at fourteen...et cetera...</em></p><p>Mia blinked.The next section was titled, simply, '<em>Tragedy'</em>.Mia did not know if she should read on, but it was public knowledge, apparently.She proceeded.</p><p>According to the article, at age fourteen, Dimitri had attended a charity event with his parents to raise money and awareness for underprivileged children to be able to play sports.During Lambert's address of the attendees, unidentified attackers had entered the room.Several guests had been murdered, Dimitri's parents included, and a fire had been started with unknown cause.Dimitri had survived, suffering from mostly minor burns.The entirety of the family's security detail had perished in the attack.  To this day, no one knew who was responsible for the attack, but theories suggested that it had been an underground criminal organization (though citation was needed).</p><p>Mia stared at the screen.She reread the section again.Surely this should have made the news?Mia had been a teen at the time--she should have remembered hearing about this.But she never had paid much attention at that age, especially to the sort of news that could make her sick with fear.She had never followed hockey, either.Still, Mia clicked the links that lead to the news article used as the source.</p><p>Naturally, it had mostly the same information, interspersed with pictures of Lambert in his hockey gear and with his young son.There was also a little more detail on the other people who had lost their lives that day.Mia's stomach churned as she read through it, until she reached a name that she hadn't seen written out before but that turned her mouth dry.<em>Fraldarius Shield </em>was the name of the security firm hired by the Blaiddyd's. </p><p>Among the list of personnel that had died was the name <em>Glenn Fraldarius</em>.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix thrust his fist into the arm of his coat, dragging it over his shoulders as he strode away from the house.The cold air stung his cheeks and the hollow of his throat where the neck of his too-big hoodie dipped.He didn't zip his coat closed right away.His feet crunched on the salt spread on the sidewalk.They carried him off their little crescent, to the larger street that lead in one direction to the shops and restaurants, and in the other to more houses and, eventually, the highway.Felix stood at the crossroads, not knowing which way to go.</p><p>The streetlights were coming on.Felix jumped when one did so right over his head.He realized then how cold he was.His fingers fumbled at the zipper as he closed it up around his numb throat. </p><p>It was darker towards the highway.Felix put his hood up and stuffed his hands in his pockets.He headed away from the lights of the city, flinching at every car that passed in case it was his father looking for him.What had he done?What had he done?He couldn't go back.Why had he said that?He hadn't meant it--but he <em>had</em> meant it--but it was something he had never wanted to say.</p><p>Felix fumbled at his pockets for his phone, but it was still up in his room, where it had been all day.He couldn't apologize, he couldn't ask for help, it was just him and his thoughts and the ghost of what he'd said.</p><p>There was a short bridge over a small stream, where he and Glenn had used to waste time on their way home from school.Felix wiped his nose with the back of his hand and steadied himself as he stepped from the sidewalk to the bank leading down to the stream.It was slushy and wet.Felix stumbled at the bottom, his feet crushing through the ice of the stream.He staggered to a willow tree and clung to it with fingers that burned with the cold.He pressed his forehead to the trunk.</p><p>Above him, the sky was that curious grey of twilight, almost bright while everything else was in shadow.Clouds rolled by, blocking the stars that usually drowned in the city light. </p><p>Cars passed along the bridge above Felix.He struggled to breathe.He felt hollow and buried and it was fair, it was only fair, when Glenn truly was.</p><p>***</p><p>Mia went back to the rest of the entry on Dimitri.After the tragedy, he had continued his studies and managed to remain on the junior hockey team, with support from his uncle.He'd been part of Team Canada to win at world's. </p><p>At twenty--the start of his NHL career--Dimitri had been celebrating a win with his team when a group of four angry fans had approached.Supposedly they, and he, had been at least somewhat impaired, and a fight had broken out.All four of the fans had ended up in hospital, sent there by Dimitri alone, with assorted broken bones.One of them had been in critical condition, but survived.The entire incident had been settled out of court.</p><p>Dimitri had begun therapy in an attempt to clean his image, and had also started speaking out about his PTSD.The last five years had involved him working with and founding numerous charities and foundations, which had earned him a 'Prince Charming' reputation among his newer fans.</p><p>Still, the nickname 'The Boar' had stuck, especially with Dimitri's tendency to play rough.He had been the cause of numerous concussions and was often used as an argument for changes in how hockey should be played.</p><p>Mia shouldn't have looked all this up.She should have let Felix tell her in his own time.It was wrong--this had been his secret to share at his discretion and she'd taken it.Mia was a thief.She'd broken his trust--she could never undo what she had learned.She had to tell him, had to apologize, had to <em>find</em> him somehow and tell him how she had failed him.</p><p>She checked to see if he was online, or had at least responded to her earlier message. </p><p>There was still no reply.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so...i just wanted a fluffy chapter to run parallel to Mia's drive home with Ingrid and then Rodrigue showed up and...it escalated into the right time to reveal everything. Thanks Rodrigue! Mia doing research was planned, everything else wasn't.</p><p>i used to cry all the time but not anymore, now it's a challenge. but i cried several times writing this.<br/>i...will make it up to you (and me), i promise.</p><p>the book mentioned, 'the one with the house' is Jane, Unlimited by Kristin Cashore and yeah it's fucking weird but Jane is bi and just...as a work of art the story is so impressively pieced together even if there is a chapter that i physically blocked off so that i never accidentally read it again. I recommend it if you are interested in a book where each chapter/section is the same(?) story but a different genre.</p><p>the title is from 'Lithium' by Evanescence</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. don't pretend that it's okay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>someone give my boy a lift!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix wanted to go home.He wrapped his arms around himself and his brain unhelpfully remembered the wolves from his dream.Shivering, he stood with his back against the tree, biting his lip and begging his mind to stop making him a coward.<em>Just go home, say you're sorry.</em>His feet stayed rooted to the spot.It was so cold out here, especially standing still.Felix's toes burned with it, but at least they were dry. </p>
<p>His mind turned again to thoughts of being buried, of ashes and the unyielding weight on his chest.He imagined what would have happened if his father had been the one guarding Dimitri that night.He imagined his father's funeral.He imagined his own.If it had been him, instead. </p>
<p>A car stopped on the bridge, lights flicking off.The sound of a door closing, and Felix wondered if someone was going to piss over the side of the bridge.Footsteps crunched on salted pavement.</p>
<p>"Felix?Felix!"</p>
<p>Felix's mouth was dry and his throat hurt. </p>
<p>"Felix!"</p>
<p>He pushed away from the willow."<em>Dad?</em>" he croaked. </p>
<p>"Oh, thank God!"</p>
<p>Felix scrambled up the bank of the stream, his numb feet slipping in the wet.He braced himself on the slushy ground with a bare hand, the cold stinging him. </p>
<p>"Felix," Rodrigue circled around the bridge and met him at the top, holding his hand out to help Felix up.His glove was warm around Felix's wet fingers.</p>
<p>Rodrigue pulled his son into a tight hug."Felix, I'm sorry.Are you all right?I'm so sorry."</p>
<p>"I'm cold," Felix said. </p>
<p>"I know, let's get home," Rodrigue said, but he didn't let go.Felix couldn't remember the last time he'd let his father near enough for this.It made his lip tremble.</p>
<p>Rodrigue let go of Felix and opened the passenger side of his car.It was his winter 'beater', not his precious antique, which meant it was warm and luxurious and Felix felt enveloped by it when he sat down.Felix rubbed his hands on his thighs and his father closed the door, then circled around to the driver's side.He got in, and Felix could feel him staring.Felix tilted his chin down and shut his eyes, bracing for a lecture.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Rodrigue said again. </p>
<p>Felix winced."Why aren't you mad?"</p>
<p>"I'm just glad that you're safe--that you didn't--" he stopped, unable to say any more. </p>
<p><em>You should be mad</em>, Felix wanted to say, but the words thankfully got stuck in his chest.He wanted them both to be mad, but only because it would be so much easier.Anger was familiar, almost comfortable by now, and whatever this was--it hurt and needed care.</p>
<p>Felix inhaled, trying to loosen the tightness he felt."How did you know I'd be here?"</p>
<p>"I didn't--I--was just pr--hoping--you and Glenn used to stop here all the time and I--I felt that same fear tonight as that afternoon when you didn't get back until six."</p>
<p>Felix swallowed.In the blazing heat of the car, his fingers and nose were now burning."What I said--I didn't--I--Dad--"</p>
<p>"It's all right," Rodrigue said."It's all right, even if you meant it.I understand."</p>
<p>Which son would he have chosen, if he'd been able?Felix knew, he knew and yet he still wanted to ask.He bit his tongue hard.This was supposed to be over, the hurt was supposed to be gone, time was supposed to heal this. </p>
<p><em>Don't do shit but keep you feeling older,</em> Felix thought.He barked out a laugh.Now wasn't the time for song lyrics. </p>
<p>"Felix," Rodrigue said, cautiously.</p>
<p>"It's nothing," Felix said.</p>
<p>Rodrigue shook his head.He put his four-way flashers on and turned fully to his son."You can tell me.Anything at all.I'm not--I will try not to let you feel like you're being judged."</p>
<p>Oh, if ever there were an offer that sounded too good to be true.Felix decided it would feel better to bite his finger than his tongue, so he raised his hand to his mouth.</p>
<p>"If I do, then say something.We won't talk if you don't feel," Rodrigue closed his eyes, pausing a moment before forging on, "safe enough to do so."</p>
<p>Felix bit down at the skin of his knuckle, just with his canine teeth.It was far too warm in here now."I just thought--it wouldn't still be like this.Still hurt."</p>
<p>"It's always going to hurt," Rodrigue said.</p>
<p>"I hate it."</p>
<p>"So do I.We don't have to love it, we just have to live with it," Rodrigue said.</p>
<p>"I know," Felix snapped.He bit his knuckle again.Quieter, he repeated, "I know.This is enough.Right now--I can't--"</p>
<p>"Of course," Rodrigue said."Let's go home."He started up the car again and signalled his intention to re-enter traffic.</p>
<p>Miraculously, his father didn't say a word for the short drive home.Felix knew it wasn't over, and maybe that was just another thing that would be with them forever.But for the time being, Felix was permitted his space and by the time they got back to the house, he wasn't worried about the conversation restarting before he was prepared.It gave him time to think, about why he'd gotten angry in the first place, and what he'd been thinking and what he was supposed to have said, standing on the stairs with an offer to be seen.</p>
<p>"Can I say something?" Felix asked, as they unbuckled their seatbelts.</p>
<p>"Of course," Rodrigue said.</p>
<p>"Without you responding.At all."</p>
<p>"I can try," Rodrigue said, dubiously.</p>
<p>Good enough.Felix stared down at his hand on the door latch."I'm not Glenn."</p>
<p>There was silence.Felix glanced at his father, whose face was startled.He looked away, opened his door, and got out into the garage.He heard his father getting out of the driver's seat.They stood opposite each other.</p>
<p>"So?" Felix demanded.</p>
<p>"You told me not to respond," Rodrigue pointed out.</p>
<p>"Well," Felix said.He fidgeted."Now you know."</p>
<p>"Felix?May I ask one question?"</p>
<p>"Fine.What is it?"</p>
<p>Rodrigue cleared his throat."Why don't you cut your hair?"</p>
<p>Felix's hand went to the back of his head, closing around his ponytail.It was true, that when his hair was down, when it fell over his ears and softened his face, he looked a lot like Glenn.It was why he made a point to keep it up at all times.</p>
<p>"Because sometimes I still need to see him," Felix whispered.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mia checked her messages again before she went to bed, worried about the way that they'd said goodbye and weighed down with the guilt of looking into things she shouldn't have.She saw with equal parts relief and dread that he'd left new messages.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> sry for late reply</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> had another fight</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> oh how are you doing?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> better</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> i'm sorry about what i did</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> it's okay!</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> no it is not</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> i forgive you</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> y r u up so late anyway just go to bed</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> yeah ok goodnight</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> gn</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia flexed her fingers over the keys of her laptop.Maybe it was best to never mention it.Would that be the right thing?But if it came up later, when he trusted her enough to tell her, and she said that she'd known for weeks or months or years, he'd be hurt.Mia tried to reel herself back to the present and decide what she was going to do, how she wanted to word this and when.It kept her awake long into the night.</p>
<p>Morning didn't offer any new perspective.Mia spent the day making rings with black wire and faceted red beads that seemed to glow from within.She supposed that there was time to put this off.Still, she made a note telling herself to tell Felix what she had learned before the end of the month.</p>
<p>They messaged on and off, Mia checking their conversation in between making different pieces of jewellery.Nothing serious came up.They just discussed how each of their cats were doing and Felix shared a link to the video of his duel with Lon'qu. </p>
<p>All the things that had been going wrong weren't just going to feel better on their own, no matter how much Mia wished it.She took this as a positive and hoped that the ease of their conversations would return with time.</p>
<p>On Monday, Mia spent most of her time worrying about meeting up with Ingrid and her friends.She never felt she could start anything when she had plans later in the day, and was tired from a rough couple of nights before it. </p>
<p>Finally it was close to the time Mia had planned to leave.She got changed, not trying to dress up too much.She decided that plaid was the way to go, since these would be horse girls (and Ferdinand) and Mia wasn't trying to impress.Marvelling at her booming social life, Mia once again got the keys and the emergency phone and said goodbye to her parents.They wished her well and she promised not to drink.It would be an easy one to keep.</p>
<p>They were meeting at a little pub in Ailell, and as Mia pulled up to the curb she recognized Ingrid's truck in the street.She found a spot, parallel parking like a champion, and hurried into the restaurant, holding her purse close.Inside, it was warm and quiet, being the first Monday after New Year's.Leonie saw Mia across the room and waved her over to their table.</p>
<p>The three girls were there, and with Mia's arrival, they were just waiting on Ferdinand.</p>
<p>Despite Ingrid's assurance that Mia was one of them, it still felt alienating to listen to the others talk about horses and people whose names Mia didn't recognize.She kept quiet and listened, sipping her water, until Leonie's business-like voice brought her out of her reverie.</p>
<p>"Let's go over the strategy one more time," she said, eye on the door.</p>
<p>Ingrid blushed."There's no strategy!We're just hanging out and having a good time."</p>
<p>"Right," Mia agreed, "the strategy is after--when you suggest it would be good to do this again."</p>
<p>"Just the two of you," Leonie added.</p>
<p>"Yes, yes," Ingrid said. </p>
<p>Leonie laughed."You were the one working yourself up about it!We just want to help."</p>
<p>"I know, it's just weird," Ingrid said.Mia looked at her, thinking about what she'd discovered about Glenn.Not much--there hadn't been any pictures of anyone but the important celebrities who'd been killed that day, but she had a vague memory of teenage Glenn from the picture on Felix's dresser.How weird would it have been, for your crush to die protecting your childhood friend?Mia assumed that they were about the same age, so Ingrid would have been about fourteen.Probably the perfect age to take something like that personally.Mia found herself pitying Felix for having to share his grief. </p>
<p>"Anyway," Ingrid said, in the tone of someone trying to divert the topic, "have you talked to Felix much?"</p>
<p>Guilt surged through Mia, like Ingrid knew of her secret research session."On and off, just casual," Mia said, shrugging."Like usual."</p>
<p>"Okay, that's good," Ingrid said."Are you going to meet up sometime this month?"</p>
<p>Mia hadn't even considered that a possibility.There was no special occasion in January.Did people actually just meet up?She supposed that they had to."We haven't talked about it."Had Felix said something when they'd said goodbye?It felt like a lifetime ago.</p>
<p>"Right, you two are dating," Leonie said."Congrats.Honestly, between Ingrid's friends he's the way to go.Sylvain's--"</p>
<p>"He's nice, when you know him," Ingrid cut in."But I know what you mean."</p>
<p>"We all do," Marianne said in her soft voice.She hadn't spoken up much, either.The thought of Sylvain hitting on her was almost too painful to imagine.</p>
<p>"So what made you date him," Leonie asked Mia."Like, the hair?The bratty face?The sword-thing?"</p>
<p>"It's called--" Marianne began, and then covered her giggles with both hands."I'm sorry!I can't!"</p>
<p>Leonie rubbed her shoulder, smiling affectionately."You're unbelievable, you know?"</p>
<p>It took Mia a few extra seconds to get what Marianne had been unable to say, then it hit her and she coughed on her water."Oh my God.No--not the sword-thing."</p>
<p>"Not even a little?" Marianne squeaked, as Ingrid rolled her eyes and grumbled about Felix's obsession with blades.</p>
<p>"Okay <em>maybe</em> a little," Mia said."We'll see."</p>
<p>"Not <em>actual</em> swords--" Leonie began trying to explain to Ingrid, then gave up."Never mind."</p>
<p>Marianne held in her laughter, eyes glistening like she was about to cry from the effort and how funny she found it.</p>
<p>Okay, maybe Mia <em>was</em> a part of this group.</p>
<p>"Then what?" Leonie asked.She waved at the door, the exact same gesture that she'd given to Mia, and then returned her attention to the conversation.</p>
<p>"Oh," Mia said."I'm not too sure--I guess there's just things we click about?"</p>
<p>"Hello ladies," Ferdinand said from behind Mia.She craned around to see him nodding to each of them.There was a small gift bag in his hand and a radiant smile on his handsome face.It was pretty darn easy to see how someone could have a crush on him.</p>
<p>The girls all greeted him and he slid into the seat between Ingrid and Marianne."This is for you!Happy Birthday!"</p>
<p>"Ferdinand, you didn't need to!"</p>
<p>Leonie took advantage of the two of them fawning to gesture Mia closer and whisper that he absolutely <em>could</em> afford it.Mia didn't know how to respond with anything other than a nervous smile and nod.</p>
<p>The gift was a pewter ornament shaped like a show-jumper on a horse."I was browsing a store with Caspar, because he wanted help finding a Christmas gift for Linhardt, and I saw these and thought of you.I hope you do not mind, it's just a small token."</p>
<p>"I love it," Ingrid said."Thank you so much."</p>
<p>Marianne met Mia's eyes and the two of them had a sip of water at the same time.Leonie laughed.</p>
<p>The group ordered their food and drinks, promising to share fries and onion rings.Ferdinand turned his glorious attention to Mia, asking how her jewellery-making and selling was going.He nodded politely and with interest, and Mia just wanted to thank him for no particular reason.</p>
<p>All in all, it was a delicious meal, and the conversation was good, and Mia was sure that everyone would agree that Ferdinand definitely wouldn't say no to a date with Ingrid.Their conversation had been bright and animated, partly because that was just what Ferdinand seemed to be at all times, but also because they could both easily talk about the same topics and people.And if Ingrid could be brave and go out on a limb to ask him later that week, then Mia could do something similar.</p>
<p>And at the next possible time, when she had the privacy she required, Mia was going to record another song.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>forgot Ingrid's b-day was on the 4th and not the 2nd! oopsie! Mia could've stayed for the weekend but no! i went and made it angsty :( tough turnips, i guess</p>
<p>guess what! the part of my brain that comes up with worst-case scenarios was like, 'what if you hit Rodrigue with a car?' and I managed to beat it into submission and Not Do That!!!! giving myself a medal for my strength!!</p>
<p>it was getting really hard to write this past month! i don't know if this is ready for posting or if i could have done more with Ingrid's birthday, but I feel i need to regain some of my forward motion so I thought I'd try just blasting onward</p>
<p>title lyric is from 'don't' by Shania Twain</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. we all have a cage to rattle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i can listen to Daughtry on loop...as a treat. <br/>Music returns to this story!</p><p>bands (Daughtry) need to get more original when it comes to naming songs half of them are the same as other artists'.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Felix got a message from Mia, asking him if he had any particular song he wanted to hear--as long as she was familiar with it--he almost spilled coffee all over the front of his shirt.She still wanted to sing?Then she really had forgiven him for his behaviour.His heart pounded at his ribs, hopeful.He asked if he could think about it, and Mia told him that he had until Friday before she picked one, herself.</p><p>That was fine by him.It was still Tuesday, meaning he had time.The fact that she was letting him choose gave him an awed feeling--the sense that this was something important and meaningful.A gesture.</p><p>He sprawled on his floor, a cat on either side of him, and browsed through his playlists for ideas.<em>Masterpiece Theatre</em> jumped to the front of his mind, as usual, so he looked through the songs. </p><p>Rubbing his lips with a finger, Felix did a quick online search, finding what he needed.He saved the link for later and went back to his earlier task.Maybe Mia had had enough of singing along to Marianas Trench for a while.Besides, most of their songs were very break-up-ish, and Felix didn't exactly feel like hearing that from her at the moment.He thought of the songs she'd sent him already--<em>Just Found Heaven</em> and <em>Deep End</em>.Both were Daughtry songs, and both made him feel very good inside.Her rendition of <em>Deep End</em> had seemed very much like a statement, a step forward towards whatever it was this was becoming.Felix thought that his choice should reflect that somehow.</p><p>Oh, he was really deep in this, if he was thinking like that.Felix rubbed his nose and found the actual album, listening to each song and trying to imagine Mia's voice.<em>As You Are</em> was absolutely too personal, so much so that he had to skip it.<em>Gravity</em> he could barely understand the words, but when he looked them up they reminded him of Glenn.The one that seemed most suitable was <em>Death of Me</em>.It felt hopeful, despite the title.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> ok maybe death of me?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> thought you weren't into phantoms</p><p><b>Felix:</b> not THE death of me</p><p><b>Felix:</b> death of me</p><p><b>Felix:</b> yr daughtry stuff</p><p><b>Mia:</b> OHH so you really liked that then?</p><p> </p><p>Felix clicked his tongue.<em>Obviously</em> he had really liked it.Instead of saying that, he replied with a simple affirmative.Mia laughed at him and said that she'd maybe record it when she could.He thanked her, thinking that he'd have to do more if he wanted to make a true statement of his own. </p><p>With that in mind, Felix put down his phone and crept downstairs, into the formal sitting room.He sat down at the piano and gingerly lifted the cover.</p><p>It had been years since he had practiced.Felix grit his teeth and began some basic scales, his fingers feeling somehow loose and stiff at the same time.It was awful.He remembered everything he had hated about lessons.</p><p>"Felix?What are you doing?"</p><p>Felix ended on a discordant note and glared at his father in the doorway."I'm learning the bagpipes.What does it <em>look </em>like I'm doing?"</p><p>"You haven't sat down at that old thing since you were in high school," Rodrigue pointed out, coming closer.He said <em>old thing</em> as though he didn't love that stupid piano as much as he did his antique car."As I recall, you hated your lessons."</p><p>"Yes, well," Felix said, the bridge of his nose going pink."Maybe I need--an outlet."</p><p>"Your fencing isn't helping you anymore?"</p><p>"It is," Felix said, quickly, as though his father had threatened to throw all of his swords onto a scrap heap."Just."</p><p>"It's fine," Rodrigue."I'll stop bothering you."</p><p>"Good," Felix muttered.He sighed."I didn't disturb you?"</p><p>"I'm not working, no.And if you're that out of practice I can always close my door," Rodrigue said, his eyes smiling.</p><p>Felix rolled his own eyes.As much as he had hated his piano lessons, he'd taken to them easily enough.It was one of the few things he'd done better than Glenn."Whatever."</p><p>"Carry on, then," Rodrigue said, leaving. </p><p>It was almost nice, Felix thought.Since New Year's Day, dealing with his father had been easier.At least a little.They didn't talk about it, but there was now something in their interactions that Felix could bear, for the first time in a long while.His old man would probably always hover like he did, but he was less pointed with his questions and didn't press when Felix answered sarcastically.And Felix had remembered his promise to Mia, to try and be less of an asshole.Though it was hard to cut down on the sarcasm, he was at least doing his best to hold in the curses that his father continually lectured him about.</p><p>He went back to his practice.</p><p>***</p><p>All Friday evening, Felix kept checking his phone for the message that meant Mia had sent him the song.He had all day to think about it, too.Nervously, he switched between lazy piano practice and stiff sword drills.Lon'qu had messaged him the day before about another possible meeting in a week or two.Felix had said that he would think about it. </p><p>After eating a dinner of leftovers and watching a few minutes of some game show, Felix checked again to see that she'd sent it.He downloaded the file in a rush.As he did so, his phone lit up with a text from none other than the Boar.</p><p>Felix decided to multitask.He shut off the tv and went to his room, sitting at his desk and dragging out his headphones.Though he had the house to himself, he didn't dare let Mia's voice leak out into the air.He shot a quick thank you her way as well as the promise that he was listening to it that very second.Her voice filled his head.</p><p>
  <em>Like a scream inside, the one you just can't hide</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The sound so deafening, you can't hear yourself think</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As real as real can get, keeping my heart in check</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From feeling anything but my own apathy</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Again, again</em>
</p><p>He opened his chat with Dimitri.</p><p> </p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Hello Felix! I hope you're having a good evening! I was wondering if you could talk to Mia about me taking one of her cats. I've spoken to some friends about housesitting when I'm away.</p><p><b>Felix:</b> fine</p><p> </p><p>It was the very last thing he wanted to talk to Mia about.But it wasn't his place to tell the Boar he couldn't have a pet--if Dimitri wanted one, he could get one from a shelter or a breeder or wherever.And Mia wanted her cats to be indoor cats, safe from the world.</p><p>
  <em>We're all under pressure</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Can't stand the weather</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For the worse and not for the better</em>
</p><p>Felix reopened his conversation with Mia.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> rly good so far</p><p><b>Felix:</b> just got msg from dimitri</p><p><b>Felix:</b> wnts to get a cat</p><p><b>Mia:</b> oh! well he can if he wants</p><p><b>Mia:</b> if it's ok with you</p><p><b>Felix:</b> when</p><p><b>Mia:</b> he's probably got a less flexible schedule than i do</p><p> </p><p>That much was true.He considered just giving Mia Dimitri's contact information so she could talk to him herself.Being the go-between was tortuous. </p><p>
  <em>We forgive but don't forget it, no</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Another day, another battle</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We all have a cage to rattle</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This just might be the death of me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Might be the death of me</em>
</p><p>This was supposed to have been Felix's message for Mia, but he couldn't help hearing the words as being directed to him.What if this was the death of her?What if this was all wrong?</p><p> </p><p><b>Dimitri: </b>Thank you so much!</p><p><b>Felix:</b> wehn u r free</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Maybe next Tuesday? Early afternoon?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ill ask</p><p> </p><p>Switching between conversations was taxing.Estoc forced her way up onto his lap and pressed her nose against his screen.Spinach Puff rubbed at his ankles.</p><p>
  <em>Blood is thicker than water, but love is even stronger</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hold out a little longer, until we find ourselves</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Again, again</em>
</p><p>He typed out Dimitri's suggestion and watched the bubble that meant Mia was responding.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> sounds fine!</p><p><b>Mia:</b> will you be coming too?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> someone has to keep an eye on him</p><p> </p><p>He returned to Dimitri, stating that the date and time would work for Mia.</p><p> </p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Be sure to thank her! Will you be coming with me?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ill suffer t drive f cats</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> I'm so glad! It will be fun, like a road trip!</p><p><b>Felix:</b> sure</p><p> </p><p>Oh, boy, a road trip with the Boar.Felix could barely contain his enthusiasm.The alternative meant Dedue would drive him down, and that would mean scheduling the security roster and dealing with a headache of paperwork.And though Felix would be the last to admit it, he really did want to see Mia again, despite how soon it was after their last meeting.</p><p>
  <em>Please, this ain't the way to live</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Something's got to give</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We forgive but don't forget it no</em>
</p><p>The worst thing that could happen was that Felix would cause a scene with Dimitri.He felt the need to apologize in advance, or maybe explain better why he'd reacted the way he had to--well, everything Dimitri said.Maybe if she knew, then he wouldn't be so quick to lash out.And he wanted her to know, and to understand and <em>see</em> him.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> speaking of, i wanted to talk to you</p><p> </p><p>Shit.</p><p>
  <em>Another day, another battle</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We all have a cage to rattle</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This just might be the death of me</em>
</p><p>Felix bit the inside of his cheek, hard.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> need 2 tell u abt what happnd him</p><p><b>Felix:</b> nd me</p><p><b>Felix:</b> y its so hard</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i looked him up online</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i'm sorry</p><p> </p><p>Felix's mind went blank.Of course she could just look it up.Everything was out there.There were no secrets.A part of him was perhaps even relieved, that he hadn't had to tell her. </p><p>
  <em>Like a scream inside, the one you just can't hide</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The sound so deafening, you can't hear yourself think</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As real as real can get, keeping my heart in check</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From feeling anything</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Making it harder to breathe</em>
</p><p>Estoc's claws pierced into his thigh, yanking Felix back to reality.He gently prized her from his leg, making a mental note to give her a manicure the second he was free.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> i'm sorry, i should have waited for you to tell me</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i broke your trust</p><p><b>Felix:</b> u didnt i never asked u not to look</p><p><b>Mia:</b> but you weren't ready to tell me, either</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i'm sorry</p><p><b>Felix:</b> stop what did u learn</p><p><b>Mia:</b> your brother, i'm so sorry</p><p> </p><p>Felix's breath caught.He set his phone down, processing.It was all out there, and it was all connected, and it was all a part of him, and still Mia's voice was in his ears.</p><p>
  <em>Another day, another battle</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We all have a cage to rattle</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This just might be the death of me</em>
</p><p>He didn't know what to do.His phone blinked with another message, another apology.Felix felt weak and broken and it was all the worse because Mia knew.He hadn't even had the courage to tell her about it himself.</p><p>
  <em>Another day, another battle</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We all have a cage to rattle</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This just might be</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, this might be the death of me</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Mia's heart pounded in her chest.This had not gone as planned.She had hoped to talk about this in person, when she'd imagined it.Maybe in the truck, while she was driving.It was easier to have conversations in vehicles.Felix was not replying.Had she messed this up?She'd upset him, she'd ruined things, she was a mess, she was not good enough.</p><p>She looked up from her laptop to her calendar, at the date circled for the Shepherds' first meet-up of the year, when she planned to begin reworking her novel.<span class="Apple-converted-space">  Was she n</span>ot good enough, or just impulsive, unpracticed?</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> I'm sorry. I handled this poorly. How would you like to move forward from here?</p><p> </p><p>She waited.It wasn't long before he answered, about three and a half minutes.Mia's stomach twisted up with worry, but this wasn't about her.It was about making sure Felix was okay.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> its not something i talk about</p><p><b>Mia:</b> that's okay, too</p><p><b>Felix:</b> you know that im an asshole and now you know that ive got all this</p><p><b>Felix:</b> nows your chance to run</p><p><b>Mia:</b> you know that I never had the guts to go to school and I sometimes cross your boundaries</p><p><b>Mia:</b> nows your chance to get rid of me</p><p><b>Felix:</b> thats not what i want</p><p><b>Mia:</b> then we'll talk about it when you're ready, if you're ready.</p><p><b>Felix:</b> thank you</p><p><b>Felix:</b> one thing?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> of course</p><p><b>Felix:</b> will you still see me or will you see what happened</p><p> </p><p>In his bedroom, looking at the picture of him and his brother, he'd said that people always said how alike they looked.Mia hadn't understood it.She still didn't, not fully, anyway.But the pieces were starting to fit together and she felt better about it, calmer.She felt that she could give him the answer that he might need, and mean it, too.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix was still listening to her singing.Had she made her offer out of pity?Even when it had happened, Felix hadn't wanted pity.He'd only wanted for it not to have happened.And now, from Mia--Felix realized that she had only ever seen him, and she had liked him--and he had needed that.He needed it from his father and from Dimitri.All he wanted was to be seen for who he was.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> i'll look for you, and nothing else</p><p> </p><p>Relief washed over him.Felix tilted his head back, exhaling slowly through his nose. </p><p>
  <em>Hold out a little longer, until we find ourselves</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Again, again</em>
</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> thats all i want</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i'll do my best not to let you down again</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>not sure how you feel about the song lyrics + multiple text conversations happening back and forth, but I had a vision and wanted to at least try to pull it off.</p><p>I have some plans...which are very transparent...I am hiding nothing, trust me. It's all there.</p><p>also yes my playlist includes 'death of me' and 'the death of me', what of it? (Death of Me is by Daughtry and the source of the title etc, THE Death of Me is by Marianas Trench)</p><p>and okay, regarding the two songs Felix skipped, specifically 'As You Are': i cry whenever i listen to As You Are, like I bawl whenever I try to sing along to it. i feel...like it's for me. It's beautiful. I feel like it's just...Love, and what Love should be, and anyway, please look it up and have a listen because I love this song.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. what if i was wrong by never moving on</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>...i didn't realize who's gone<br/>the ghost in me was true<br/>but you were haunted too<br/>just didn't see it all along</p><p>Dimitri gets a cat</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As was usual, Dimitri's door was open, which was how Felix heard that the friend who was going to be looking after this cat was there.</p><p>"I <em>cat</em> wait to meet it!" a boisterous voice declared.Felix winced, debating whether or not he really wanted to go through with this.It was a long drive, after all.</p><p>Dimitri's laugh filled the hallway, almost hysterical.Felix could picture him bent over, pounding his fist on the counter, wheezing at the horrible pun.He flexed his fingers.This was his cage to rattle, he supposed.</p><p>He pushed into the apartment, not bothering to knock.</p><p>"If I'd been a threat you'd be dead," Felix said, deadpan.</p><p>Dimitri was, indeed, bent over with his fist on the counter.He covered his wolfish mouth with one hand."Hello, Felix!I'm excited to get on the road!You remember Alois, don't you?"</p><p>"How could I forget," Felix lied. </p><p>Alois coughed politely."Yes, well, it's very good to see you again, Felix.How's the old man holding up?"</p><p>Raising his nose, Felix studied the older man.Alois looked like he belonged in the backdrop of a <em>Pink Panther</em> movie.His face was going from optimistic to uncomfortable.Dimitri snickered.</p><p>"Fine," Felix said at last. </p><p>"I'd better be off then," Alois said."Let you two get underway!"He brightened, and now Felix remembered him more clearly.That was the look he got, right before coming up with-- "I'm sure you'll return with quite the <em>tail</em> to tell!"</p><p>Felix's lip twitched.He stared.Alois quailed.</p><p>Dimitri hooted with laughter."I'm sure we will!Great seeing you, Alois!"</p><p>He ushered Alois out into the hallway, wishing him well and accepting Alois' wishes for a safe drive.Then, Dimitri turned to face the room, standing in the doorway, grinning.</p><p>Felix slid his foot backward, slightly.He glanced away, to the curtained window.</p><p>"Ready to go?" Dimitri asked."I've just got to get my coat on--the carrier is just by the door.And a little token of thanks for Mia."</p><p>Felix nodded, silent.</p><p>"Everything all right?" Dimitri swung his massive coat over his shoulders, not bothering to zip it closed.</p><p>"Fine," Felix said."I'm not carrying anything."He failed to muster a haughty expression, and exited the apartment, brushing past Dimitri.</p><p>The Boar chuckled and followed, hoisting the brand new cat carrier and the small gift basket balanced on top of it, and closing the door behind him.He locked it, and Felix tapped his foot.</p><p>"How many times have you been out to Mia's?" Dimitri asked.</p><p>It was an innocent enough question, but of course it set Felix's teeth on edge.He shrugged."Not much."</p><p>"Oh," Dimitri said."You met up North?In the fall, right?"</p><p>Felix turned on his heel and headed down the stairs, letting his mind fall into the usual attentiveness it did when he was on the job.He let a short sound of acknowledgement hum in his throat.He didn't need to imagine Dimitri's expression, he was so familiar with that broad smile and the way it so easily portrayed his fondness.Felix was certain that he could charge the Boar, sword in hand, and still see that dumb expression looking back at him, like an old photograph of his childhood.It made him unspeakably upset.</p><p>"Did Ingrid tell you about that dressage rider she's seeing?"</p><p>"Mm," Felix grunted.</p><p>"I remember meeting him at an event, he seemed very kind," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix descended, counting the steps to the next landing, restarting when they rounded the corner.</p><p>"Have you met him?"</p><p>"Once."</p><p>"What did you think of him?"</p><p>Felix shrugged."Ingrid doesn't need us meddling."</p><p>"It's not meddling, Felix, to be curious about your friends' lives.He could end up a part of our circle of friends someday."</p><p>"Is that why you keep asking about Mia?" Felix demanded.</p><p>"Obviously," Dimitri said with a soft laugh, the kind that Felix had once ran to whenever he was sad."And she's clearly already a part of our circle of friends.She was at New Year's."</p><p>"What else is obvious?" Felix said.He clicked his teeth together.Dimitri was going to take him seriously, he was going to pour his observations and assumptions all over Felix until he drowned.</p><p>"Just that she's kind and talented, and fits in well," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix let his hackles down a fraction."I'm sure Ferdinand isn't any different."</p><p>"Of course," Dimitri said, his smile so powerfully evident in his tone that Felix knew he'd walked into a trap, revealing more about how he felt about Mia than he had intended. </p><p>"Are he and Ingrid even seeing each other?" Felix asked, hoping to divert away from himself."Last I heard they went for a coffee."</p><p>"Apparently he also drinks tea," Dimitri said."She said it was positive.They planned to meet again later in the month."</p><p>"<em>Good</em> for them," Felix said, wishing he hadn't sounded so damn sarcastic.He really did mean it.It was about time Ingrid got over Glenn and started caring about her own, living self.</p><p>They reached the ground floor and Felix ignored whatever Dimitri said next.He scanned the parking lot.It was cold and grey, a typical January day in Toronto.Felix's breath misted in front of his face, reminding him of childhood games of dragons.</p><p>He'd parked his car near to the entrance.Felix opened the back so Dimitri could load in the cat carrier, then the front passenger side door out of habit.Dimitri thanked him with a small smile that Felix ignored, and folded himself in to Felix's low car.</p><p>Felix shut the door on him and circled around to the driver's side.He stood there for a moment, gathering himself for the ordeal he was about to undertake.It would be worth it, because a cat was going to get a good home and have its life saved.He was on a meaningful journey.The suffering would be worth it.</p><p>"Ah shit," Felix breathed.He bounced on his feet."Stop acting like a damn martyr.Drive your client to Airmid."He got into the car.</p><p>"Thank you for doing this," Dimitri said immediately.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."Apparently it's a favour to the cat."</p><p>"That's fair enough," Dimitri said.</p><p>Engine started, Felix began backing out of his parking spot.He tapped at his steering wheel, impatient to get into traffic that was trapped behind a city bus.The wait felt eternal.Felix was tense, waiting for some dumb observation to fall from Dimitri's lips.</p><p>He pulled onto the street.Still, the inside of the car was quiet.It remained quiet as Felix followed the familiar path to the highway.He felt like he might snap.</p><p>Felix pulled his phone from the cupholder and unlocked it one-handed.</p><p>"That's not safe," Dimitri began.</p><p>Not looking away from the road, Felix threw his phone into Dimitri's lap."Put some music on," he barked.</p><p>"Oh," Dimitri said.The silence resumed, burning.</p><p>"Are you going through my texts or something?" Felix spat."Pick some fucking music."</p><p>"There's no need to swear.Oh, I didn't know you still listened to the Mariana Trench."</p><p>"It's--yes, I do," Felix said, exhaling unsteadily."Don't put them on."</p><p>"What's <em>Phantoms</em>?Is it new?"</p><p>"Relatively.  And no, you wouldn't like it."</p><p>"Okay," Dimitri said."I never liked them much, anyway.But we should listen to something you like."</p><p>"No," Felix said. </p><p>Dimitri looked over at him, curious."You didn't have to do this, you know.I could have asked Dedue--we can still turn back."</p><p>"No."</p><p>Dimitri growled, some of his fake pleasantness falling away with frustration."You don't have to be so tense around me.What can I do to help you relax?"</p><p>He could pick some goddamn music, for a start.Felix said, "I'm not doing this now."</p><p>"We're going to have to," Dimitri pointed out."I think this isn't good for either of us."</p><p>It wasn't.Felix knew it, too."Not now.Put something on."He resisted the urge to look over at the Boar, to see what he was doing with Felix's phone.</p><p>"I'm ready to talk about it, whenever you are," Dimitri said.Felix didn't answer."Oh, Sylvain shared this one with me, too."</p><p>Soothing video game music began to fill the car.With one decision made, Felix managed to relax a fraction.</p><p>Traffic was moving well, although as usual it was heavy.Felix navigated it, keeping his guard up against any further discussion. </p><p>"Dedue gave me some recipes," Dimitri said.He began describing them, and his usual eating habits, unable to be quiet and just let Felix drive.It was always the same.</p><p>The topic moved from Dedue to one of Dimitri's charities, and then to the upcoming series against Montreal.Felix responded with little more than grunts, but that wasn't enough to deter Dimitri.</p><p>The closer they got to Airmid, the more traffic sped up.How was Felix supposed to keep civil in front of Mia?It was taking everything not to snap at Dimitri right now. </p><p>"It was weird, Mia not having heard of me," Dimitri said.</p><p>"So sorry for your ego," Felix drawled.</p><p>"No," Dimitri laughed, "I mean it in a good way.She really didn't care at all about my fame.It made it easier to be around her."</p><p>Well, that wasn't the case any more.At least her knowing might mean she would be on Felix's side if and when Dimitri said something stupid. </p><p>"I hope that I get to see her again at another party.Maybe your birthday?"</p><p>"I'm not doing anything for it," Felix snapped."I wouldn't want you there, anyway."</p><p>"Oh."It was one syllable.A single utterance that pierced the air in the car like a lance.The silence that followed bled with unspoken sadness, a sluggish trickle of resignation.</p><p>Felix clenched his jaw.The night before, he'd dreamt about wolves again.The nightmare had ended up following one in particular, dark and wounded and intent on robbing Felix of his life.He had assumed that it had represented Dimitri, or was perhaps a manifestation of his anxieties regarding the upcoming drive.It no longer seemed that way.</p><p>***</p><p>All Mia had for context with regards to Felix and Dimitri's relationship was what Ingrid, Mercedes, and Sylvain had told her on New Year's Eve.They'd been friends since childhood.That had changed, no doubt due to the attack and Glenn's death and Dimitri's violence.Why on earth Felix would want to go anywhere near Dimitri, especially as his security detail, was something Mia could not figure out.It only cemented how complex Felix's emotions were towards his former friend.</p><p>With that in mind, Mia had no idea what to expect when Felix's cute little blue car pulled in the driveway and she watched from the window as he got out.Shortly after, Dimitri extricated himself from the passenger side.He looked around, his hair blowing in his face.</p><p>Mia made her way to the side door, opening it to welcome the two men in.</p><p>"Hi," she said, as Felix stomped slush off his boots.</p><p>"Hey," he said, meeting her eyes for less than a second before dodging away. </p><p>"Good afternoon," Dimitri said."Thank you for letting me come down to see your cats."</p><p>"No problem.If you take one, you'll be adding years to its life," Mia said.She climbed the stairs inside to give them room to take off their boots and coats."Do you want coffee?"</p><p>Felix said, softly, that he would.Mia's mom heard that the company had arrived and made her way from where she was putting fake flowers together in a vase.She apologized for the state of the house, which she'd vacuumed and tidied in a frenzy the night before.After brief introductions between her and Dimitri, she returned to her bouquet, probably to hastily stash it where it couldn't be seen.</p><p>"This is for you," Dimitri said, watching Mrs. Cecile hurrying into another room."And your family, of course."</p><p>Mia accepted a small gift basket from him.Peering into it, she saw that there were fancy chocolates and possibly some small jars of jam.She thanked him and said that it wasn't necessary, but still appreciated.</p><p>While Mia got a cup for Felix, Dimitri asked where the washroom was.He followed Mia's directions, leaving her with Felix at the kitchen counter.</p><p>"How was the drive?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix snorted."Do you have to ask?"His eyes followed her as she went to the carafe and poured his coffee-flavoured water.</p><p>"I do," Mia said.She handed him his cup.</p><p>His fingers lingered against hers for a moment."Traffic moved well," he said, simply.</p><p>That wasn't what Mia had meant, and they both knew it."That's good at least," Mia said.</p><p>He looked run-down and worn, like he had on New Year's morning.For someone who tried to keep all his feelings a secret, he was quite obvious about the stress he wore.And yet, for all his weariness, Mia still found his appearance sharp and intriguing. </p><p>"Is the coffee all right?"</p><p>"Can you call it that?" he retorted, lips tugging to one side in a half-smile.</p><p>Mia fully-smiled."Want to sit down?"</p><p>"I just sat the whole way," Felix pointed out.He sighed."Hey, I wanted to say it in person.I'm sorry."</p><p>"It's fine," Mia said.</p><p>He looked at her, so Mia let her gaze fall to the counter, then up to the kitchen window.She sipped her own lukewarm coffee and watched the bare branches of the viburnum outside tremble in the cold breeze.</p><p>"I love what you sent me," he said quietly."Thank you again."</p><p>Mia ducked her head."I'm glad."</p><p>When she glanced at him again, his expression was soft, reminding her of the orchid on her desk whose buds were just beginning to to open.She'd gotten it as a gift to herself after the holidays, because she enjoyed the thrill of wondering whether such a delicate plant would soon die under her care, or die slowly.</p><p>Mrs. Cecile returned from her task, roughly around the same time that Dimitri emerged from the washroom.She asked Felix how he was doing. </p><p>"Fine," he said."Thank you."</p><p>"Thank you for humouring us," Dimitri added.</p><p>They stood around the kitchen, chatting softly about the drive.Mia thought that both men looked sombre--as soon as Dimitri had reappeared, Felix's face had become closed off again.She could see how exhausting this would be for his and Dimitri's friends.</p><p>Dimitri accepted a glass of water while Felix sipped his coffee.He asked about the farm and their sheep.Mia watched Felix from the corner of her eye, seeing him tense whenever Dimitri spoke.His fingers clenched around the handle of his mug.</p><p>On the other hand, Dimitri had a ragged sort of calm to him, his hair loose and a little staticky.His bright blue eyes kept flicking to Felix, almost guiltily.</p><p>Tipping back his coffee, Felix asked if Dimitri was ready to pick a cat.</p><p>Dimitri perked up."Yes!Are they outside?Do they sleep inside?It's so cold out."</p><p>"They sleep in the barn with the sheep," Mia said."They've got too many fleas to be allowed inside.Oh, but that's more in the summer," she added hastily.</p><p>"Fleas won't deter the Boar," Felix said.</p><p>Mia had her eyes on Dimitri when that had been said, which gave her the perfect angle to watch the excitement that had swept through the blonde fizzle away like cotton candy in water.He drooped.If Mia didn't know better, she would say that even his hair got flatter.</p><p>"You'll be taking it to the vet first thing, anyway," Mia said, leading them from the kitchen back to the door."There's two candidates--I sent Felix some pictures to show you," she added, doubtfully.</p><p>"I saw them," Dimitri said. </p><p>Mia got on her boots and an old coat, and grabbed the jar of treats.Dimitri's hands shook at the laces of his boots, and Felix's mouth was a thin line.Whatever cat Dimitri picked, Mia didn't envy it the ride home with these two.</p><p>Outside it was cold, about minus fifteen.Mia's nose prickled in it and she led the way to the barn in a hurry.Her feet crunched on the frozen driveway.The men trailed behind her.</p><p>Mia shook the treats at the door of the barn, calling the cats.None of them would be outside in this weather.She pulled open the barn door and clomped inside, rattling her jar all the while. </p><p>"Treats!Come get your treats!"</p><p>Cats appeared at her feet, staring up with wide eyes that were mostly pupil.</p><p>"Oh!" Dimitri gasped. </p><p>"You moochers," Mia said, twisting open the lid of the jar.She passed it to Dimitri."Pour some out."</p><p>Dimitri crouched down, offering his hand to the cats.Both Angie and Llamaface were there, as well as the litter's mother.They'd taken to calling her Yzma, when they felt like it, but that wasn't her only name.</p><p>"Watch out for Angie, he bites," Mia cautioned.</p><p>"Which one is--" Dimitri's sentence was cut off in a strangled gasp as Angie chomped down on his finger like it was a delicious chicken wing. </p><p>"He should take Llamaface," Felix said.He was hanging back, in the doorway, throwing his shadow onto them.</p><p>"That's what I'd suggest," Mia said, "unless he really wants a boy cat and doesn't mind it biting."Considering Dimitri was an NHL superstar, she doubted there was a need to mention the difference in cost when it came to spaying vs neutering.</p><p>"I don't mind," Dimitri said, even as he frowned at a drop of blood welling up on his index finger.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Llamaface is this one?"Dimitri pointed, then withdrew his hand as Angie's sharp feline gaze fixated on it.</p><p>Mia scooped Angie up."No, no, stinky," she chided.To Dimitri, she said, "Yes, the one with all the white on her face.She's nice."</p><p>Dimitri reached out for her, and she sniffed, then rubbed her cheek on his hand.His smile, which had been hesitant after Felix's comment, was slowly returning.</p><p>Straightening, Mia brought Angie over to Felix.The cat struggled in her arms, knowing that he was being removed from both treats and Dimitri's inviting fingers.</p><p>"A monster," Felix murmured, rubbing his thumb in a circle between Angie's ears."That's you."</p><p>His fingers were enough to distract the cat, so that he hung limply in Mia's arms.Felix teased Angie with a waggling finger, watching the creature focus in on it and then pulling away before the cat went in for the kill with teeth bared.</p><p>"Tell me a bit about Llamaface?Please?" Dimitri asked, looking over his shoulder at Mia.His mouth fell open a little bit, maybe at the sight of Felix standing so near to her.Mia wasn't sure, but Dimitri's expression quickly became fond, almost loving.</p><p>"She's quiet," Mia said, returning to the matter at hand--getting rid of a cat."Her voice is kind of raspy--she doesn't have much of a meow.She likes affection to a degree, but when the other kittens would run over to get love she'd sort of be happy to do her own thing."</p><p>"That's good, if I'm going to be away from home a lot," Dimitri said.He picked up the cat, carefully, and stood.Dwarfed in his bulky coat, Llamaface began to purr.Her pink toes pointed up into the air."Why Llamaface?Can I change it?"</p><p>Mia laughed and explained their naming theme to him."You can change it if you want.In fact, it's probably for the best that you do."</p><p>"You've never named anything in your life," Felix said.His voice was harsh.</p><p>Dimitri's smile faltered."I suppose you wouldn't have any suggestions."</p><p>Felix tore away from Mia and Angie, facing the outdoors like he couldn't stand to look at Dimitri, or perhaps that the other man would simply vanish if he stopped paying him attention.</p><p>"I'm not the best at naming things, as you can see," Mia said."Would you want something more cute?Or fancy?"</p><p>Dimitri chewed on his lip."We'll see.Llamaface is fine if she's used to it."</p><p>"She doesn't care, I promise," Mia said.Felix was still standing stiff in the doorway, which meant Angie was getting restless.Mia dumped him on the floor and hurried to snatch up the jar of treats that had been left open and unattended."Angie's already gotten his head stuck in there once," Mia said by way of explanation.Dimitri, who looked ready to cry, let out a soft laugh.</p><p>"Is it really okay to take one?I feel like I'm not ready," Dimitri said, very quietly.</p><p>"If you don't want to, you don't have to take a cat.It's okay."</p><p>"I want one," Dimitri said."It's just--"</p><p>Things were complicated, Mia supposed.Whatever had been said on the car ride, plus Felix's comments here, had to have put a damper on Dimitri's enthusiasm.What was meant to have been a fun occasion had been marred with their past. </p><p>"Why don't you hang out with her for a bit, just you and the cats," Mia offered."We'll give you some space to think."</p><p>Dimitri looked at Felix, then back at Mia."Okay.Thank you."</p><p>Depositing the treats on a skid leaning against the wall, Mia told Dimitri he could feed them if he liked.Then, she pushed past Felix and gestured for him to follow her into the cold.She stopped when they were around the corner, just out of the wind.</p><p>Felix had his hands around his elbows, hugging his stomach.He looked a little bit like he might throw up.</p><p>"Is everything okay?" Mia whispered."What happened?"</p><p>He shook his head."I--" he met her eyes, briefly."I've been trying to push him away.I think--I--today--"</p><p>"You succeeded?"</p><p>Felix nodded.</p><p>"And it doesn't feel as good as you'd hoped," Mia concluded.She could understand that, when Dimitri looked so sad.Heartbroken.</p><p>"I kept thinking he's changed so much," Felix said."But it wasn't--it was me."</p><p>"You both changed," Mia pointed out. </p><p>"Maybe," Felix said.His eyes sharpened a little, taking her face in. </p><p>Mia didn't know which tact to use, but it seemed that pity or sympathy would get her nowhere."So if you feel bad about it, apologize," Mia told him.</p><p>"Did you think that hadn't occurred to me?" Felix demanded.</p><p>"I don't know, what do you want me to say?It's not my business, I just--" Mia blinked.She tilted her head."I want you to be happy."</p><p>His laugh was short."That's not going to happen."</p><p>"Yikes," Mia said."Then I'll send you another song."</p><p>Now Felix blinked. </p><p>"I mean it," Mia said, stronger."I want you to be happy.I want to spend more time with you, just you.Without the complications of other people or our parents or anything."</p><p>"That's so," Felix trailed off."I'll try.Okay?Talking--apologizing.I know that's what I have to do.Probably make a mess of it," he muttered.</p><p>"As long as you try and can say to yourself that you did," Mia said.</p><p>"Okay," he breathed.</p><p>"And we could meet up again?For dinner or something?"</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said."Not this Saturday--the one after, maybe?"</p><p>"I'm meeting the Shepherds," Mia said.</p><p>"Oh.But your month is over."</p><p>"We're going to do revision and stuff," Mia explained."I want to--maybe someday I could publish what I've written.If that's okay--Estoc's your cat, anyway."</p><p>"You don't have to ask permission for that," Felix said."Really?You think you'd be okay sharing it?"</p><p>Mia blushed, but could conceivably attribute that to the cold.She nodded."I think so.You seemed to think my story idea was good--maybe if I can polish it up, other people will, too."</p><p>"Cool," Felix said."That's cool.I'd like to see it, too.When you're ready."</p><p>"You will," Mia promised, and it was a heavy one.She really was going to have to work hard, now.It was time, she supposed, to start taking things seriously.To be brave.</p><p>Around the corner of the barn, Dimitri appeared.He was carrying Llamaface, holding the cat close to his chest.</p><p>"Hey," Mia said."You decided?"</p><p>Dimitri smiled."I'm taking her.We're friends, now."</p><p>"That's excellent," Mia told him."She's going to be so happy."</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said.He clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides.</p><p>"Thank you," Dimitri said.</p><p>It took little effort and a few small bribes of treats to get Llamaface safely loaded into the shiny, spacious cat carrier.The men said goodbye, still awkward and stiff.Mia thanked them for taking the cat, and they got into the car.Mia waved to the departing vehicle, then bent down to the remaining cat rubbing at her ankles.</p><p>"Sorry, Angie, but not today.You're stuck with us for now."</p><p>He swiped at her glove with his claws.</p><p>"God.I'd love for you to have a home, but it'll take a saint to put up with you."</p><p>Angie swung his tail, following Mia's hand with hungry eyes.</p><p>***</p><p>As they drove towards the highway, Dimitri kept twisting around in his seat to make sure that his cat was comfortable.</p><p>"She's fine," Felix snapped, as he turned onto the on-ramp.</p><p>"I'm just excited," Dimitri said, settling back."Sorry."</p><p>Felix let out a sigh.</p><p>"You know," Dimitri said, voice small, "when you were playing with Angie, you looked--it reminded me of before.You looked how you used to."</p><p>It was still early, but the traffic was already heavy.Felix hated it, and the city, and his job.</p><p>Dimitri wasn't done."I kept thinking that maybe someday you'd come back, but I guess--today--that was just the ghost of you.You're right.I should have seen that--that you don't want me as a friend anymore.I'm sorry, for everything."</p><p>It was now or never.Felix thought of promises made, of cats, of the future and the past.His overburdened mind raced.He had to focus on the road, on getting to the HOV lane.He had to try, for himself, even if he was afraid of what would happen if he didn't screw it up.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Felix said, through clenched teeth."Dimitri--I've been shitty.I've been the shittiest friend and you still think you should be the one to apologize."</p><p>"Felix--"</p><p>"Can you let me finish?" Felix yanked them ahead of an old station wagon that could only still be on the road through miracle, and into the fast lane.Dimitri clutched at his armrest.Llamaface scrabbled at the plastic of the carrier.</p><p>"Felix," Dimitri said, shaky."Okay."</p><p>"I thought everything wrong was just you, but there's a lot that's my fault.And I have to get better at things so it's not going to be the way it used to right away," Felix rambled."I don't even <em>want</em> it to--it can't be the same but we can still be friends.So if you still want that then I'll try and improve myself."</p><p>Felix didn't dare let himself hold his breath, not while driving.He forced himself to inhale, exhale, break when the cars in front of him slowed.His heart pounded while he waited.</p><p>"I do still want that," Dimitri said.</p><p>"Oh," Felix said.He checked his blindspot, biting back a curse when he found it occupied by a Jeep.</p><p>"Does this mean that you'll tell me when you're uncomfortable?When I've overstepped, or talked too much, or--"</p><p>"I'll try," Felix said.He waited for the Jeep to get ahead of him."That's the best I can offer.I'll try to speak up."</p><p>"And I'll try to pay more attention, too, when you're tense," Dimitri said.</p><p>"Okay," Felix said.He was almost clear to merge into the HOV lane.</p><p>"Sweetpea is already helping me with the game.I'm trying to play cleaner."</p><p>"Oh?Okay," Felix said.He guided the car to the left, gently, just before the dotted line ended and it was no longer legal to cross."I didn't know.That's good."</p><p>Dimitri hummed."It is.And now I've got Llamaface--I really don't know what I'm supposed to do about that name."</p><p>The Cecile's were <em>not</em> respectful when it came to naming cats.Felix nearly laughed."Just don't name her something dumb, like <em>Princess</em>."</p><p>"Princess!That's so cute, I love it, Felix," Dimitri said, as excited as a little kid.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."Fucking Hell, Dimitri."</p><p>Dimitri pouted.</p><p>"Whatever, call her Princess if you want," Felix said, unable to cover his smile with both hands on the wheel."Princess Llamaface.I swear to God."</p><p>"I think it's cute," Dimitri repeated."I'll treat her like a princess, anyway."</p><p>"I know you will," Felix said.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i didn't realize as i was writing the similarities between Dimitri trying to pick some music from Felix's dumb playlists and Aziraphale scrabbling through cassettes in Crowley's car. But now I can't unsee it.</p><p>also i thought i'd missed my chance to include Alois, but here he is!! imagine him with a Quebecois accent if you would like.</p><p>wasn't planning on this being such a turning point but i think it all came together rather nicely ;)</p><p>the title and lyrics in the summary are from 'The Killing Kind' by Marianas Trench. it's...really something. Better if you listen to the full album in order. Better still if you listen to Astoria. But also quite impressive on its own.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. this should be the time of our lives</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>whose life am i living? my own? or someone else's?</p><p>the Shepherds! they are back!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia was relieved to get a message from Felix, saying that he'd arrived home safely and also that he'd tried his best to apologize to Dimitri.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> w agreed to communicate better</p><p><b>Mia:</b> that's good! i'm happy for you</p><p><b>Felix:</b> doubt itll last</p><p><b>Mia:</b> but you made a start</p><p><b>Felix:</b> i guess</p><p><b>Felix:</b> o nd its princess lamaface now</p><p><b>Felix:</b> sry its my fault</p><p><b>Mia:</b> you named her Princess??</p><p><b>Felix:</b> i said dont name her princess but</p><p><b>Felix:</b> leave it 2 dimitr 2 thnk thats t perfct name</p><p> </p><p>Mia laughed.She was so glad that she hadn't been there for it.And she was so glad that Felix had talked to Dimitri, and that maybe some of that tension would go away.She doubted, from Felix's behaviour, that it was going to happen soon.But better over time than not at all.She was proud of him.</p><p>After that, Mia had some orders to package from her online shop.She was also going to have to photograph her new inventory, of which there was a fair amount.If she could just teleport her jewellery to people's fingers it would be so much easier.</p><p>She spent a lot of the in-between moments thinking about which song she'd sing for Felix next.It made her insides twist up, remembering the way he'd said that him being happy was something that wasn't going to happen.Maybe it had just been thanks to the rough car ride with Dimitri.Mia certainly said things like that when she was in a terrible mood.Still, it stuck with her, making her feel like she wasn't doing enough. </p><p>Enough of what, she couldn't say.</p><p>It seemed a month before Friday evening came around.Her parents left for their curling, asking if she wanted to come along to watch and eat fries.Mia turned them down, saying that she had some writing she wanted to get done while she was in the right mood.It was a trivial lie, but it felt nice to have a secret of her own.She found she could understand Felix, if Sylvain's theory was correct.</p><p>Sitting at her desk, Mia set up her laptop to record, then put on <em>Ever After</em> to 'warm up'.It was probably the most fun to sing along to, thanks to the way the strings in it seemed to bolster you from behind like you were important and powerful.</p><p>Mia loved the feel of her voice in her throat, the way it vibrated and filled the room and was only for her.She was safe and alone and making noise and it was heaven.</p><p>Smiling, Mia pulled up the lyrics to the song she wanted to record.She was ready and she hoped that Felix would enjoy it.She'd sung it in the car, on their way from the duel.</p><p>This one started low, which suited Mia.She inhaled, and began.</p><p>
  <em>The way your words hang in the moment suspended when</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You say something you can't take back again</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A heavy hush takes hold</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The quiet won't let go</em>
</p><p>Maybe she was kidding herself, but Mia felt like she was getting better at singing.It made sense.She was doing it more often, after all.</p><p>
  <em>I was there watching you watching me missing you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've been lying and I don't know why I do</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe the truth hurts, so</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's easier not to know</em>
</p><p>Mia did her best to keep her voice from cracking when the next lines went up in pitch.</p><p>
  <em>Wonder why does it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hurt to try when the</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Last goodbye's never</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What we're here for</em>
</p><p>The chorus was loud and big and the first half of it was everything Mia was feeling right now.She filled her lungs with air and belted it.</p><p>
  <em>So sing it back if you're with me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wanna hear how your heart speaks,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>While we're young, while we're young</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This should be the time of our lives</em>
</p><p>The worst part of singing was when Mia played it back for herself, just to make sure she hadn't made some inexcusable error.She sat through it, clenching her teeth.How come it was so much easier to <em>make</em> sounds than to hear them?Positive that she sounded more stupid than anything, Mia had to convince herself not for the first time that Felix really did like her singing. </p><p>And then she sent it, triple-checking that it was, in fact, the conversation with just him and not the Cat Support Chat or, even worse, the Shepherds' group chat.</p><p>The fact that he replied immediately, like he'd been unable to do anything but wait for her, eased some of Mia's worry.</p><p>Looking at the clock, Mia saw that she still had some time before her parents got back home.With no plans to send it right away, Mia recorded a second song.</p><p>***</p><p>Along with the sound file, Mia had sent a message.'I want you to be happy'.Felix had nearly let out an involuntary sound at that.She really meant it.She was thinking about what he'd said, and about him. </p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> ty listening now</p><p><b>Felix:</b> this makes me happy</p><p><b>Mia:</b> good :)</p><p><b>Felix:</b> dnt start w t faces</p><p><b>Felix:</b> b im also happy w estoc and spuff ok</p><p><b>Felix:</b> if u were worried</p><p><b>Mia:</b> all right all right</p><p><b>Mia:</b> but the sentiment still stands</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ty</p><p> </p><p>Felix smiled at his phone, and retrieved his earbuds.Mia didn't title any of the songs she sent.They were merely numbered, like she was afraid of copyright infringement or something.It made each one a surprise.</p><p>This time it was <em>While We're Young</em>.Felix wondered what had made her choose it, if it was his inability to think through the things he said, or had something to do with her own exploration into his and Dimitri's history.He enjoyed it anyway, the sound of her voice and the way she filled his head.</p><p>
  <em>So sing it back if you're with me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wanna hear how your heart speaks</em>
</p><p>
  <em>While we're young, while we're young</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This should be the time of our lives</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I've been so lost without you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Are you lost without me too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>While we're young, while we're young</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This should be the time of our lives</em>
</p><p>Felix got up from where he sat on the bed, crossing to the mirror on his dresser.With his music still playing, he stared into his reflection, his sharp face, the angle of his jaw, the tired circles under his eyes.He was already older than Glenn had been.He could only guess what his brother would look like, now.</p><p>Reaching behind his head, Felix pulled his hair free.It stayed bent from being tied back, so he dragged his fingers through it until it fell relatively straight over his ears.</p><p>
  <em>Wonder why does it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hurt to try when the</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Last goodbye's never</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What we're here for</em>
</p><p>The photograph of Glenn stared straight out from the dresser.Felix stared back from the mirror.It was always Felix, only Felix. </p><p>
  <em>God, I wish, God, I wish somehow</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We could go back to where we came</em>
</p><p>
  <em>God, I miss, God, I miss you now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I can't even say your</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Name</em>
</p><p>Felix went back to the bed, sitting on it cross-legged as Mia sang the final chorus and the last, long notes.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> rly good</p><p><b>Mia: </b>thank you!!</p><p><b>Felix:</b> i shld b thnking u</p><p><b>Felix:</b> s w about u</p><p><b>Felix:</b> r u happy writng then</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i guess so, but i also hate it sometimes</p><p><b>Mia:</b> fixing it is scary but it feels like it could be worth it</p><p><b>Felix:</b> it will be</p><p><b>Mia:</b> haha thanks</p><p><b>Mia:</b> also happy making things and seeing people wearing them</p><p><b>Mia:</b> more than i thought i would</p><p><b>Felix:</b> im n good making things u r amazing</p><p> </p><p>Felix blushed at his phone, finding it hard to believe he'd been in such a rush to send that message.She was going to think he was an idiot.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> really?</p><p> </p><p>There was no taking it back.Felix replied in the affirmative, wondering how much his blunder really meant to Mia.He found himself hoping that it was a lot.</p><p>***</p><p>The first Shepherds' meeting of the new year was a modest one.No one <em>really</em> wanted to go out in the cold to work on something they were still exhausted from.After Mia's first NaNoWriMo, she had not been prepared for the bone-deep mental tiredness that a writing marathon resulted in. </p><p>Chrom, Lissa, and Robin were already seated at the table when Mia got there, so she left her coat and bag on the seat next to Lissa before ordering a coffee and piece of cake.Sumia arrived and stood with her in line.</p><p>"I can't believe I made it on time, or at all!I almost fell on the ice but I caught a stop sign and everything's okay!"</p><p>Mia laughed."Oh my God, Sumia!I'm glad you're all right."</p><p>"Me, too," Sumia said.She ordered a chamomile tea and followed Mia back to the booth.She slid in after her, so the three women were opposite Chrom and Robin.</p><p>Just then, Virion came in through the door in a fashionable topcoat, which he draped over the back of the booth.He greeted everyone, then turned to Mia specifically."Here to clean up the 200k mess you made?"</p><p>Mia shot him a glare over her laptop."Only I get to call it a mess."</p><p>"Apologies," Virion said."Your sloppy 200k genius, then?"</p><p>"Much better."Mia tried to look haughty, but failed to hide her grin."It's a disaster.I shouldn't have changed the premise halfway through.Why did I go and add swords?"</p><p>"You did it for love," Lissa pointed out.</p><p>Mia jostled her with an elbow."Shush!"</p><p>"Oh, how is it going with your boyfriend?" Sumia asked. </p><p>Everyone had seen the video of the duel after Robin had shared a link in the group chat.He was now following Felix online, adding his own comments and questions--'Lon'qu was right,' he'd typed, 'I love the thrill of being ignored by this man'.</p><p>"Good, I think," Mia said."He came down on Tuesday with his friend to pick up a cat."</p><p>"Did you make out?" Lissa asked.</p><p>"Oh my God, no," Mia said."His friend was there."</p><p>"Didn't stop you kissing right in front of Lon'qu," Lissa reminded her.</p><p>Mia groaned."Stop, stop!I never should've told you about him."</p><p>"But then you wouldn't have brought him to the closing party," Robin pointed out, wickedly."You might not even <em>be</em> dating if not for us."</p><p>"Yeah, Mia, have some gratitude," Lissa said.</p><p>Hiding her face in her hands, Mia shrank down in the booth, until she was almost sliding under the table.</p><p>"Be kind to her," Virion said."Not only must she navigate a labyrinthine revision, she also has to come up with a new story for this November."</p><p>"Thanks for the reminder," Mia said, sitting back up and logging in to her laptop.</p><p>"But in all seriousness, Mia," Virion added, "we're all supporting you.Your surly swordsman is good for you--don't be afraid to admit that."</p><p>Mia slid back down, making everyone at the table laugh.As Virion finally went to order his tea, Mia climbed back upright and tapped open a new document.She stared at the cursor while the others talked about what was new with them, not really hearing them.</p><p>Loathe as she was to accept Virion's advice, he was probably right about her 'surly swordsman'.Felix had helped her want to be more productive, and try things she had for a long time been too scared to begin.And she already knew that she had the Shepherds behind her when it came to writing and the rest of her life. </p><p>"So how do you even revise?" Mia asked.She'd read books and articles and blog posts, but honestly had no idea where to begin.</p><p>Robin leaned forward."It's different for every project."</p><p>"Oh, boy," Mia said.</p><p>Laughing, Robin suggested that she start with the largest changes, the ones that would have the biggest ripples through the rest of the story."Start big and zero in.Make lists of all the things that need changing, in the order you want to work on it.Find the method that works for you, and don't worry if that takes a long time."</p><p>Sumia recommended a program that let you make notes, flowcharts, and idea webs.Mia wrote down the name, with the intention of downloading the trial when she got home.Virion's advice was to set aside the things that absolutely could not be changed, that she loved and would never negotiate.It would help her figure out how to rework the problem areas around the parts that needed to stay, as well as act as a reminder of why she was putting herself through this ordeal.</p><p>"Chrom can't give any advice on revising because he's never finished anything," Lissa teased.</p><p>"The others have this covered," Chrom said.He was still working on his short stories, but kept getting distracted during the process by texts from Vaike.</p><p>"Mari and I always work on ours together," Lissa said."So there's that too.If you're completely stuck ask one of the Shepherds to help out before deciding to scrap it or worse, to rewrite it from scratch."</p><p>Chrom looked at her."That's surprisingly good advice."Lissa stuck her tongue out.</p><p>"But don't ask Henry," Lissa added."He'll just try to add puns and make you like, decapitate your favourite character."</p><p>"Let's not get <em>ahead</em> of ourselves," Mia said, smirking."I'm going to try fixing it myself, first."</p><p>"Ugh, Mia!I swear sometimes you're just as bad!"</p><p>The rest of the afternoon, Mia tried to follow her friends' advice, starting with Robin's.There was a lot that she would have to rework, and the list was not even finished by the end.Still, she had identified what she felt was the biggest problem area, a large chunk where she wasn't quite sure of the timeline.It made sense, she supposed.She'd been writing at such a breakneck pace that she hadn't paid much attention to little errors, which had snowballed out of control with each scene she'd slapped onto her story.</p><p>"Don't forget about the non-negotiable positives," Virion reminded her before she packed up.</p><p>"Of course," Mia said."I think I have a fuzzy idea of them."</p><p>"Clarify them, and put them somewhere easy to find," Virion suggested."Do you feel you've made a good start?"</p><p>Mia stretched her arms over head."I think so.At least it <em>is</em> a start.I've never gotten this far with anything else I've written."</p><p>"Keep us up to date," Robin said, sliding his laptop into his messenger bag.</p><p>"I will, I need the accountability," Mia laughed.</p><p>***</p><p>On Sunday morning, Felix sat at the piano again.It was coming back to him, his hands remembering how they were supposed to feel while doing this.He almost was having fun.</p><p>His phone buzzed, so Felix took a break from his practice to check it.He was met with a picture of Llamaface being held under the armpits by one of Dimitri's large hands, as he took a mirror-selfie with the other.</p><p> </p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> She's very tall!</p><p><b>Felix:</b> uv nvr seen a tall cat jfc</p><p> </p><p>The two of them had been texting throughout the week, Felix accepting updates regarding Princess Llamaface and questions about cat care.At first, he had told Dimitri to just look his concerns up online, then hastily shared his advice and personal experience.Dimitri had thanked him, over and over, until Felix had told him to stop.</p><p>It didn't take much scrolling for Felix to find a picture of Estoc stretched out next to one of his swords, her little paws reaching forward, toes spread.He sent it, relieved to have something so safe in common with Dimitri for a change.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> this is a long cat</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> O</p><p><b>Felix:</b> lmamface is tiny</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Well she's a princess!</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> We can't all have furry snakes</p><p><b>Felix:</b> maybe ur worm will grow into one</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> She is a Princess!!</p><p> </p><p>Felix regretted everything, he told himself.Why had he blurted out the name 'Princess' when he'd known full well that Dimitri would latch onto it and never let go?He asked if he could send Dimitri's photo to Mia.Dimitri was, predictably, thrilled about the idea.Mia didn't reply for about an hour, giving Felix more time to practice on the piano.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> ur cats being manhandled</p><p><b>Mia:</b> looks like they're getting along</p><p><b>Felix:</b> looks more like a hostage situation 2 me</p><p><b>Mia:</b> skdghjh Felix!</p><p><b>Mia:</b> anyway i was thinking</p><p><b>Felix:</b> all ths missing is a newspaper</p><p><b>Mia:</b> we should think about when we could meet up again</p><p><b>Mia:</b> Felix stop</p><p><b>Felix:</b> im n working thurs</p><p><b>Mia:</b> neither am i lmao</p><p><b>Felix:</b> o? schedule jst opened up?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> smth like that</p><p><b>Felix:</b> a happy coincedence</p><p><b>Felix:</b> thurs it is</p><p> </p><p>And just like that, Felix had a date.It felt like it was about damn time, too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alois was just in the previous chapter, but still i am in the mood for puns. you could say i... Rangeld that pun into place even without Henry being present ;) ;) ;)<br/>ok that was bad even by my standards.</p><p>I ended up having fun with this one. gotta love those Shepherds, but i did Not have the energy for a scene with more than 6 people in it! I am Done with crowd scenes for the foreseeable future!</p><p>The song in the title/lyrics in the body are from 'While We're Young' by Marianas Trench.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. you don't have to fear it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mia has a date with Felix</p><p>there's a small chance i added a new subplot</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Felix is coming down on Thursday," Mia said to her parents as they sat in front of the tv eating barbecued chicken.Her mom got a panic-stricken look in her eyes, so Mia hastily added, "We'll just be going out to eat."</p><p>Had she, out loud, to her parents, yet said, 'this scowling man with a ponytail and a collection of swords is actually my boyfriend'?No.No, Mia had not.She was sure that they could infer it.If they wanted to say something, then they would have by now, surely.And Mia had always been quiet and reserved, not one to chase after flings or, for that matter, to ever indicate that she wanted to.</p><p>"Okay," Mrs. Cecile said, relaxing a little bit."Will any friends be going with you?"</p><p>Ah.The inferences were being made.An obvious next step.Mia threw her focus into cutting the perfect piece off her chicken thigh, to hide her discomfort.</p><p>"No, just the--just us two."</p><p>"Is it a date?" Mr. Cecile asked.How long had he dreamt of intimidating potential suitors?Mia knew it was not out of any sense of manipulation or need to control who she saw--rather he simply observed such behaviour in the fathers on tv and wished to emulate his heroes.It was more cringey than anything.</p><p>"It might be," Mia said, holding her beautiful portion of chicken in front of her lips.A commercial on the tv depicted dust mites beneath a microscope--yuck!Blissful Swiffer users swiffed them out of sight and trapped them in a re-useable fabric Hell.Mia stared straight at it, putting her forkful into her mouth and wondering if she was going to receive a refresher course on the Talk.</p><p>"You like seeing him," Mrs. Cecile said.She had gone through this when Hurst had met his then-girlfriend, now fiancee.She could handle it, better than hosting at least.</p><p>"He makes good money?" Mr. Cecile asked.</p><p>Mia snorted."That's not supposed to be a factor?But yeah, I do like seeing him.He's good to his cats.And he's respectful."</p><p>That was the right thing to say, and even better because it was true.Her parents both relaxed.</p><p>"If you do go out with him, you might be able to keep Spinach Puff in the family," Mr. Cecile said. </p><p>Mia swallowed her next mouthful of roasted potato without chewing.She sucked in a deep breath."It's way too soon to be thinking about that.And I did Spinach Puff a favour--we all agreed he needed to be an indoor cat."</p><p>"I know," Mr. Cecile said. "But you keep giving our cats away and I miss them."</p><p>"Better than if they disappear," Mia told him. </p><p>***</p><p>No cats were there to greet Felix at the Cecile farm.The sheep were not outside in their field.Freezing rain had been falling on and off, and the roads were slick enough that the old man had suggested he postpone.While it was true that the highways were a sloppy mess and people seemed to think they were immune to ice, Felix did not technically have Mia's phone number, and thus could not call her to notify her of a change in plans.He could message her, sure, but would she see it?There was no guarantee.</p><p>As excuses went, that was pretty damn flimsy.Felix would have to own up to himself, at least, that he just really wanted a break from everything and to see Mia again.Things had been going better with his father and Dimitri, but there were still times when he felt his hackles rise and the tension build in his chest, simply a habit after so long of not communicating.And even when he felt himself gearing up for a fight with Mia, she would manage to say something to deflate his little bubble of anger.She couldn't quite see through him, but she had always offered to look and that was enough.</p><p>Felix shut off his music and twisted the key in the ignition until the car went silent.He opened the door to a cold that was, in comparison to the past week, almost pleasant.His weather app claimed that the rain would turn to snow that evening, which would mean another messy drive home, but Felix had his winter tires and knew how to drive in adverse conditions.He wasn't an idiot.</p><p>The path to the side door of the Cecile home was scraped clean of ice.Patches of brown grass showed through where the rain had swept away the snow--and the remaining snow had compacted into something more solid and slightly dirty looking.Still, there were wide impressions where little feline paws had tread.</p><p>Felix knocked on the door and waited, shuffling his feet on the dark, ice-encrusted and spruce needle-coated welcome mat.He heard thumping from inside the house, where somebody was coming down the stairs in the entry.</p><p>Mrs. Cecile opened the door, and Felix tried on a smile at her appearance.</p><p>"Hi," he said quietly."Is, um," he trailed off, feeling very self-conscious and wondering how Sylvain had so much confidence.Felix wasn't even trying to hurt anyone, yet he felt guilt twisting in his stomach for daring to ask Mia out."Is Mia ready to go?"</p><p>"I'll check," Mrs. Cecile said, hanging onto the door for a good forty-five seconds before stepping aside to allow Felix entry to the house.He stayed at the bottom of the steps while she went in search of her daughter.For a minute he'd thought he was going to be left waiting out in the cold and rain.</p><p>It smelled somewhat stuffy and dusty inside, a little like manure right by the door where boots no doubt left traces of it in the mat.Felix had been in here only a few times and it still had most of that unfamiliar, new-place feel in his mind, but some of that was starting to fade, replaced with memories of Spinach Puff and coffee and Mia in dark jeans and plaid.</p><p>She appeared in the hall, wearing exactly that.This time it was a soft grey flannel that made Felix wonder just how many plaid shirts she owned.Her face brightened seeing him, nose crinkling a little.</p><p>"Hi," she said.</p><p>"Hi," Felix answered, looking up at her with a smile tugging at his own lips.</p><p>"So where are we off to?" Mia asked, pulling her coat from the closet.</p><p>Felix scoffed."You're the one who suggested we do this.You tell me."</p><p>"Oh.Oh, dear," Mia said.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."What, because I'm the <em>man</em> I'm supposed to come up with something?This is your hometown.You know all the places."</p><p>"You're right, I'm an idiot," Mia said, laughing.</p><p>"I didn't say that," Felix muttered.</p><p>Mia simply beamed and began tugging on her boots."It's fine, I've got an idea."She tightened her laces and added, "It's on the other side of Airmid and I haven't been in more than a year."</p><p>"You want to drive?" Felix asked.</p><p>Boots on, Mia stood, snatched a brown over-the-shoulder purse from a hook, and descended the stairs to stand immediately in front of him."If you want me to."</p><p>Felix held his palm up with the keys lying in it."You know the way."</p><p>Mia's fingers curled not around the keys but his hand.They were smooth and delicate and just slightly warm."Okay, then," she said."I'm glad to see you."</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said."You, too."He swallowed.Her hair was getting longer, not falling unevenly on either side of her face anymore."So.Did you see that Sylvain added Dimitri to the--cat-support--"</p><p>"I saw," Mia said.She closed her fingers around the keys and withdrew her hand from Felix's."He better put some pictures in there."</p><p>"He and Sylvain will both spam it up, don't worry," Felix said.</p><p>"Cat photos aren't spam, no matter how many there are," Mia protested. </p><p>Felix backed up and found the door handle, swinging it open and following it into the cold and wet."Really?You didn't think the twenty pictures of Ruin's eyes peering out from under Sylvain's couch were spam?"</p><p>"It was cute," Mia said, stopping only to call out a goodbye to her mom before her boots hit the wet welcome mat."A little cryptid.And now Sylvain can actually touch Ruin.It's nice to see the progress."</p><p>"If you say so," Felix said doubtfully. </p><p>"Last chance to stop me from messing up your mirror settings," Mia warned, dangling the keys in front of him.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."Like it's hard to change it back?"</p><p>Laughing, Mia crunched to his car and opened the driver's side door.Felix lingered a while, the air piercing his lungs, his lips about to ask where she planned on taking him, anyway.Cold drops of rain fell from the tree by the door, one striking Felix right on top of his head.He shook himself and hastened to the passenger side, climbing in to find Mia tugging at the rearview and making herself at home in his car.</p><p>"Should I tell you where we're going, or would you just tell me to come up with something better?" she asked.</p><p>Felix buckled his seatbelt, pausing to consider this.He certainly had a tendency to shoot down ideas whenever Sylvain or Ingrid or anyone, really, suggested that they do something or go somewhere.It was probably something he should try to stop doing.Maybe here was the place to begin.</p><p>"Give me one hint."</p><p>"Hmm," Mia hummed, presumably to think up a clever or maybe impossible clue."<em>Time</em>."</p><p>That was vague.Where did people normally go on dates?What did Airmid have to offer?Felix narrowed his eyes."So a museum or something?"</p><p>"Similar," Mia said.Seeing his suspicion, she held her hand out for him to take."Trust me?"</p><p>He looked at her knuckles, reddened from the cold, and then up into her brown eyes."All right."</p><p>***</p><p>Mia told herself that this was important, that she take him somewhere familiar to her.It was also the perfect opportunity to learn some of his likes and dislikes and share her own.They'd certainly have a lot of time together there, just the two of them.</p><p>With this firmly in mind and her hands on the wheel, Mia let Felix put on Daughtry's <em>Break the Spell</em> and sang along softly--and then loudly--as she drove them to the opposite end of town. </p><p>
  <em>Ain't no doubt about it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can't live without it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tried to forget you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I can't get you outta my head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just when I think you're gone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You come back and turn it on</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And just like a simple song</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can't get you outta my head</em>
</p><p>The sign for Mia's destination came into view--Felix said nothing.She slowed and signalled her intent to turn into the parking lot.</p><p>"An antique store?" Felix asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>"It's more like a <em>warehouse</em>," Mia said."There's a ton of stuff and it's--"</p><p>"I'm not complaining," Felix said sharply.He combed his fingers through his bangs."I'm just surprised.I wouldn't think of that as being, you know.A date."</p><p>Mia found a spot near the doors and backed into it.She didn't exactly know how one organized a date, or what made a 'date' different from just hanging out."I always like to wander around and look at all the stuff.I haven't been in a while, though."</p><p>"You buy a lot from here?"</p><p>"A few pieces of cheap Depression Glass," Mia admitted."And I got a really pretty Carnival Glass candy dish that I put my favourite rings in."</p><p>"So, glassware," Felix said.When Mia pulled the key from the ignition and glanced over at him, he seemed amused.</p><p>Mia shrugged."It's the most affordable and shiny of all they've got.How can I say no to it?"</p><p>"Magpie," Felix said.</p><p>Mia just held up her hand, and the silver and pearl ring she was wearing.</p><p>Laughing, they ran through the rain to the awning over the doors, Mia reaching them first to hold one open for Felix.</p><p>"<em>Après vous,</em>" she said.</p><p>The combination eye-roll and smile this induced brought a grin to Mia's face. </p><p>***</p><p>It was quiet inside, until Felix's senses adjusted to the lack of wind and outdoor ambience and he thought he heard music playing faintly from somewhere far off in the distance.Immediately noticeable, however, were the rows of shelving units spreading out in a loose semi-circle, offering four aisles through which to look.</p><p>No one was manning the desk, there was simply a bell to ring for service.</p><p>"So, what, you just browse through?" Felix asked.It did not seem from where he stood to be much of a warehouse, just a jam-packed room with cluttered shelves crowding the small space.</p><p>"Choose your path," Mia said, walking backward to stand in front of the four aisles."But choose wisely."</p><p>"Oh?One path leads to eternal life?" Felix asked, doubting that they lead anywhere but a few metres deeper into the building. </p><p>"The others to early death," Mia said, dramatically, and then laughed.</p><p>Felix didn't really care about playing some game, so he went with the practical answer."Left to right," he said.If they were methodical, then they could get through this store faster.</p><p>"Sounds good!"Mia turned and headed to the first, leftmost aisle.Felix followed her, stopping at the first shelf to look at the assortment of plates, glasses, figurines, and vases.Was there any organization to this place?It certainly didn't seem so. </p><p>"We have glasses like these at the cottage," Mia said, pointing to a set of three blue tumblers."They were there when my grandparents bought it."</p><p>"When was that?" Felix asked, watching Mia pick up one of the glasses.</p><p>She shrugged."The sixties."</p><p>Returning the glass to the shelf, Mia moved on, pointing out a set of cups shaped like corn cobs and then a plate with a little cabin on it. </p><p>The shelf on the opposite side of the aisle was filled with teacups, some patterned with flowers and others actually shaped like blossoms.Some had matching saucers, and there were stacks of saucers without cups.In the midst of them, inexplicably, was a striped wine decanter and an incomplete set of liqueur glasses.</p><p>Moving along, they encountered animal figurines and creepy old music boxes, which neither of them touched.A jewellery rack sat on a display case, laden with beaded necklaces.Underneath it were big, art deco costume rings.</p><p>The aisle they were in opened up, with a separate 'room' on either side that was divided from the path by tables laden with knickknacks.In each sectioned-off zone were marginally themed items.To their left were objects one might find in a kitchen, sets of Coca Cola glasses and shaped and patterned ceramic baking pans.On their right were rusty steel wheels and things that conjured the phrase 'man cave' in Felix's mind.He saw old license plates from different provinces and a few from the States.</p><p>And the aisle itself bent a bit to the left, disappearing behind more high shelves of records and books.</p><p>"How deep does it go?" Felix asked, while Mia stepped into the kitchen zone to look at everything it had to offer.He peered around the bookshelves, to see that the aisle he'd chosen <em>kept going</em>, and he couldn't see the back wall.Hastily, he returned to where Mia was.His footsteps creaked on a wooden floorboard.</p><p>"Very," she said, her brown eyes shining with mischief."Welcome to the Labyrinth."</p><p>Understanding hit Felix.This was indeed a warehouse.It was a maze of old things, forgotten things, past lives and treasures mixed in among their forefathers' garbage.If you came here looking to find something specific, you'd be lost forever.</p><p>"How long does it take to get through?"</p><p>Mia considered, gritting her teeth."Maybe...two hours?Or more?It's not a normal space," she added.</p><p>Felix looked around, up at the ceiling, still hearing that distant music which he now realized was probably some oldies' radio station.What Mia said was improbable at best and nonsense at worst, yet even he could feel a strangeness about this building, housing countless artifacts of memory, things that had once meant something to someone.</p><p>"Okay," he said."Have you ever gotten lost?"</p><p>"I've <em>felt</em> lost," Mia said."Each time I've visited."</p><p>"So that's something to look forward to?" Felix asked, incredulous.But the way Mia nodded, meeting his eyes, made him think that he <em>was</em> looking forward to it.He joined her in her current zone, feeling a shift in the atmosphere as he slid into place beside her.Maybe there was a kind of organization here.He watched Mia browse, not making any comments or pointing anything out, himself.</p><p>At first there seemed to be no pattern to the things Mia reached out to touch, to pick up and look at closer.She examined glassware and rings and little porcelain rabbits, showing them to Felix so that he could tilt his head and nod.Always, she put her finds back where she'd found them, carefully. </p><p>The deeper they went, the more the building seemed to close in around them, keeping them in a bubble of isolation.Felix didn't think there was anyone else there.Mercedes would say that there was probably a ghost manning the desk, and that if he only focussed he'd be able to see them in the corner of his eye.</p><p>"What about this?" Felix asked, reaching out for a pearlescent orange mug.It seemed to be glass, but he didn't really know much about it.His fingers immediately felt dusty.</p><p>"Ooh, Carnival Glass!This is like my candy dish, but mine's not as milky.It's more, um, <em>lustrous</em>?"</p><p>"Hm," Felix said, setting the mug back on its shelf."Hey--" behind a milk jug that had to have come from the same corn cob set they'd seen earlier was a creamer shaped like a grinning cat.He picked that up to show Mia.</p><p>"You know who that looks like," she said.</p><p>Felix turned the object to look at it better.It was black and white, poorly painted so that the face seemed elongated."Fuck, it's Llamaface."</p><p>"We should get it, for Dimitri," Mia said.</p><p><em>We?</em>Felix raised an eyebrow at her, but she was taking the creamer from his hands to turn it over.She ran her fingers over it, perhaps looking for chips.</p><p>"I don't ever know what to get him," Felix admitted."But his birthday was in December."</p><p>"Hang on to it until next year then," Mia said."Or just say you found it and it reminded you of his cat."</p><p>Felix accepted the creamer back from her, frowning. </p><p>"It's a dollar," Mia pointed out.</p><p>So it was.Felix let his hand drop to his side, still holding it."Fine.It won't fit in with the rest of his apartment though."</p><p>"Big hockey man?No, I doubt it.But that's not what friends are for," Mia said."It's supposed to be ugly and stand out and make him remember you."</p><p>"So it's a joke gift," Felix clarified.Sylvain sometimes tried to give joke gifts, but they were never very funny.</p><p>"Sort of, but it's also sort of heartfelt," Mia said."It shows you're thinking of him."</p><p>Considering this thing looked like Dimitri's 'princess', Felix doubted his friend would think of it as ugly."He'll probably love it," he conceded.</p><p>Mia smiled and the two of them proceeded. </p><p>Now Felix began to feel more confident pointing things out to Mia.Some of them earned a cursory glance and grunt of acknowledgement, and others made her smile or gasp and take an interest, asking the price and then putting things back no matter how inexpensive they were.They really weren't shopping, just looking.</p><p>Mia seemed to like green glass but not green ceramics.She gravitated to bright colours and soft pastels.Any vase that was unusually shaped garnered her attention and brought a smile to her face.She pointed at every goose figure and had to touch each sheep she saw.</p><p>Felix rather liked a teal plate with a scalloped edge.It was simple, but richly coloured and nice.</p><p>"You could put a plant on it," Mia said, while he held it and felt a chip on one side. </p><p>"I don't have plants." </p><p>"Keys and mail, then," Mia suggested.</p><p>Felix thought of his room, grey and black and the walls lined with swords.This old thing wouldn't belong in there.It would be an anachronism, an interloper.Every time he looked at it, he would remember that it was from a dusty old maze where--</p><p>Mia didn't take the plate to look at it, she simply put her hands over his on it, and turned it a little to take a closer look at a spot that seemed to be a flaw in the glaze.</p><p>"It's small enough," he said."I'll get it."</p><p>"It'll add personality to your place," Mia agreed.</p><p>The laugh Felix let out was strained, because she seemed so satisfied with his decision, and that made him so happy in turn, and when he smiled, so did she, and it was ridiculous.How in Hell had Felix ended up in this situation?It was just a fucking plate.</p><p>"You keep convincing me to get things," Felix accused.</p><p>"Oh, no, two whole things that you can carry easily in your hands," Mia mocked."One isn't even for you."</p><p>"We're--how far along are we?"</p><p>"Maybe a sixth of the way through?" Mia guessed."Or less."</p><p>Felix snorted."Are we off to a good start or a bad one?"</p><p>"Yes," Mia said, infuriatingly.</p><p>They returned to browsing.Not long after, a man appeared.He walked purposefully, straight down the aisle, not acknowledging the two of them.He disappeared around a corner, leaving Felix dumbstruck.He had almost forgotten that other people even existed.</p><p>Looking at Mia, she seemed less perturbed by the stranger.</p><p>"What the fuck?" Felix demanded in a hiss.</p><p>"Oh, he's--maybe the curator?He patrols," Mia added."I think it's to make sure no one is shoplifting, or maybe if we needed help with something we could chase him down to ask.Maybe he just would rather have the exercise than have to stay at the front desk all the time?"</p><p>Felix snorted."Weird."</p><p>"We'll see him again," Mia promised.</p><p>Felix peered around the corner, but the mysterious man had long since vanished.Mia drew his attention to a big radio that her uncle would covet and Felix forgot all about him.The bubble of isolation reformed around them, surprisingly familiar after being gone for less than five minutes.</p><p>There was so much that awaited them.Old sewing machines, glass insulators from powerlines, strange wooden dolls with clown faces that Mia claimed were most assuredly haunted, tarnished military medals, lunchboxes with vintage comic characters flaking off of them, and even a small section of old video games.</p><p>"The N64 is an antique already?" Felix asked.</p><p>Mia grimaced."I forgot about this section.Why would you take your games here and not a Microplay or something?I'm so mad."</p><p>"This is disheartening," Felix agreed.He had watched Glenn play <em>Ocarina of Time</em> on the N64 and fallen in love with the Master Sword.Seeing the system here was surreal."Let's move on."</p><p>Moving on brought them to furniture, handmade dressers and chaise lounges.On some of them were jewellery boxes and, inexplicably, a punch bowl made of that lustrous Carnival Glass.This one wasn't orange, though, but purply and iridescent.The price tag on it was exorbitant compared to the other things they'd found.</p><p>"This is ugly," Felix said.</p><p>"But in a shiny way."Mia was clearly admiring the oil-slick quality of the bowl."Still, talk about impractical.If they had something small I'd actually be tempted, but you're not even supposed to use these for food and drink because the metal used to make that finish could leech in.I think it was nickel but I'm not sure."</p><p>"So it's as toxic as it looks.Great," Felix said.</p><p>"Hurray for safety standards," Mia said."Would that they were always upheld."</p><p>At long last they reached the back wall.There, they were rewarded with some truly hideous goblets made of an olive green glass that even Mia had mixed feelings about."These <em>are</em> ugly, but I still love them," Mia said.Each one was nine bucks--the most expensive glassware they'd seen so far.They had a weird, pebbled surface and were so thick that Felix couldn't imagine drinking from them.</p><p>Now that they had reached the end of their first path, there were more routes open to them.They could follow the wall and presumably find their way safely back to the entrance, or they could take one of three paths into the heart of the warehouse.</p><p>"Let's go along the wall," Felix said, when Mia offered him the choice.</p><p>Each section offered more to look at, layers upon layers of stuff.The two of them steadily moved through it, recognizing some things from relatives' homes or their own childhoods, talking about colours and the kind of house Mia imagined living in if she ever somehow made it big and had the money for it. </p><p>"I'd get a set of pans like this, with the snowflakes on them," she said.</p><p>"For all year or just winter?" Felix asked, taking one from her and turning it over to find the price tag.Twenty dollars wasn't much. </p><p>"If I had a lot of space then just winter, and if not then all year.Then again it's so heavy it would suck to wash," Mia said.</p><p>"So get a dishwasher," Felix said.</p><p>Mia rolled her eyes."Okay, moneybags, even if I had soft water and the cash for it in this daydream scenario, I doubt you're supposed to put antique dinnerware in the dishwasher."</p><p>Felix flinched."Sorry."</p><p>"Don't worry about it," Mia said, and laughed."It's my fault for overthinking my fantasies."</p><p>"Isn't that your job?"</p><p>"Oh, I never thought of it as a job," Mia said.</p><p>Felix studied her."It could be."</p><p>"It could be," Mia repeated, thoughtfully.</p><p>They left the pans where they'd found them, passing by some crosses.</p><p>"For your dad?" Mia asked, teasing.</p><p>"No," Felix snapped. </p><p>She giggled, and moved along, until somehow they seemed to pop out of the aisle and into the entryway.Felix almost felt disoriented. </p><p>Someone was at the counter now, a blonde woman with glasses.Mia lead the way there, gesturing for Felix to follow.</p><p>"Hello," the woman said, breathily."Did you find something?"</p><p>"Yes, can we leave it here?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix startled, then realized he was still carrying his cat creamer and plate."Right," he said.They were going to have to explore the middle aisles now.It would be easier to do, empty-handed.The woman at the counter said that would be fine, so Felix left them and his name and then Mia tugged on his dusty hand and lead him down the next path.</p><p>It was fun.Felix had never been in a place like this, although it reminded him of conventions and fairs he'd been to with his friends, only with far less people.They encountered the curator again, still marching with determination, and one pair of women who were picking up a bottle shaped like a giraffe, admiring it.Felix was so startled to see them, hardly believing it when he heard their voices from a few sections away.They crossed paths briefly, each party smiling anxiously at the other, and then they were gone, lost to the mysteries of the antique store.</p><p>"Oh, what do you think about this?" Mia said, ducking right instead of left.Felix looked away from figurines of women dancing in ball gowns to see what had drawn Mia's attention from something so elegant.</p><p>It was a shabby area compared to the one opposite, with dusty leather saddles and horseshoes and a few pistols locked behind glass.And on the wall was a velvety blue sheath housing a sabre.Felix reached up for it, excitement overpowering any worries that he might not be allowed to just take it down off the wall. </p><p>"This is nice," he said, pulling it partially from the sheath, "probably 1910 or so.Just ceremonial but it's in decent condition.Hilt's just a bit tarnished."</p><p>Mia watched him intently while Felix rattled off facts about the blade, how they made the curve and why it was shaped the way it was--how to use it and when swords stopped being popular accessories. </p><p>"Sorry," Felix said, ducking his head and sliding the sword back into its holder."I get carried away."</p><p>"It's cool.You know so much about them," Mia said.</p><p>Felix was sure she was just being nice, but he thanked her anyway.As tempting as this find was, he had a similar blade of his own, so he reached up and hooked it back on the wall.</p><p>"I'm running out of room for them," he explained when Mia tilted her head.</p><p>"No kidding," Mia said.</p><p>He forged onward."And I have something very similar, only with a filigree handle in an ivy design, and--anyway.I don't have to buy <em>every</em> sword I come across."</p><p>"Well, that's good news," Mia said, her mouth curling up at the corners even as she obviously tried to look serious.</p><p>"Anyway I've got two things already, you should be the one looking for something," Felix deflected.</p><p>"There's nothing I need," Mia said.She bit her lip and turned away from the swords, to the area across the aisle with the porcelain ladies."But I guess it might be nice to get a memento."</p><p>But she'd been here before.Felix didn't see what she needed a memento for. </p><p>It took a little bit before Felix realized she meant a memento of him, not of the store.</p><p>They found it a few sections down, in the form of a tiny porcelain lady with a feather boa and her eyes closed.She looked smug.Felix picked her up, smiling.</p><p>"This is Estoc, if she were a person," he said.</p><p>"Oh?She does have that sort of slender, cat-like vibe to her," Mia agreed.</p><p>"She's obviously a diva," Felix said.</p><p>Mia took the lady from him for a better look."Yes, she's very high-class, you can tell."</p><p>"Complains if her meals are a minute late," Felix added.</p><p>"Bites faces?" Mia raised her eyebrows.</p><p>"Only if she likes them," Felix said.He shook his head."Thank God Sylvain's not here."</p><p>"He'd still be hitting on the dolls in the first aisle," Mia said.</p><p>Felix laughed."You don't even know how true that is."</p><p>"You know, the more I look at her, the more I like her.Are you going to take her?" Mia asked, handing the figurine back to him.</p><p>He turned her around in his hand, feeling ridiculous."Why?I've got the real Estoc."</p><p>"Well, then, I can't leave her," Mia said, holding her hand out for the lady.</p><p>"Planning to use her for writing reference?" Felix asked, placing the figurine in Mia's care.</p><p>"Maybe," Mia said."Maybe it's only fair I get a memento of Estoc after you got our Spinach Puff."</p><p>"Should I not have taken him?" Felix asked, softly.He would be the first to admit that he loved that fluffy cat, even if it wrecked his reputation and sullied his aloof persona.But if Mia wanted the cat back, he couldn't say no.</p><p>"Of course you should have taken him," Mia said, "I wish you could take all our cats.And the fact that I get to see him is even better."</p><p>Felix relaxed."Good."</p><p>***</p><p>They talked about Mia seeing Spinach Puff--and Felix--again after they'd left the antique store with their treasures and gone to Sol's for something to eat.It had stopped raining, but it was grey and dim.</p><p>Sitting near the window, Felix suggested that Mia drive down in a few weeks.Mia did not mention that next month was February and that the fourteenth was typically an important date.</p><p>"So if you came down on the nineteenth, and stayed for the weekend, then--"</p><p>"I'm not sure I can take the truck for that long," Mia interrupted.</p><p>"Well, I'm working that Friday," Felix said, drumming his fingers on the table.</p><p>Mia had no solution, but there was the chance that she <em>could</em> use the truck that weekend, and was about to say so when Sully arrived with their drinks.</p><p>"Date night on a Thursday?" Sully asked with a snort.</p><p>Both Mia and Felix went red.</p><p>"We just visited the antique store," Mia said.</p><p>"Find anything?Was Tharja there?"</p><p>"She wasn't," Mia said."Not that we could see, anyway.We got a couple of little things."She had intended to shell out the $4.50 for the Estoc figurine herself, but Felix had given her the most patronizing look and shoved it in with his purchase.The woman at the counter--not Tharja--had rung them in and thanked them very much, repeatedly.</p><p>"Nice.So I still don't know where I've seen you," she said to Felix, rapping her pen on her notepad."It's been fucking with me for months now."</p><p>"I've," Felix began, closing his eyes like he was confessing to a murder and needed time to deal with his own guilt, "appeared in photos with the--with Dimitri Blaiddyd.The hockey player."</p><p>"Oh!" Sully swore loudly."Fuck!That's it!Damnit--what are you, some kind of personal trainer or something?"</p><p>"Security," Felix said.He picked at a knuckle and added, "Friends from childhood."</p><p>Sully nodded."Right, right.So you don't get recognized a lot?"</p><p>Felix shook his head."Not too much, thankfully.People don't usually look at me."</p><p>"Sorry to be an exception," Sully crowed."Anyway, don't be a stranger, tell me what you're eating."</p><p>After giving their food orders, Sully gracelessly left them to themselves.Mia looked at Felix, trying to form the question that she wanted to ask him.</p><p>Felix's nose was pinkish."I hate when that happens.How did I do?"</p><p>Taken aback, Mia said, "Good?I'm pretty sure?"</p><p>"We're both trying to work around our pasts," Felix explained, "figured I should try and be more--kind--or something, about him."</p><p>"Well, you didn't give the impression that you hated him," Mia said.</p><p>Somehow that seemed to be all he needed to relax.Felix stopped scratching at his hands and sat back."Good.Some of his texts are still," he tapered off and Mia thought he wouldn't be able to come up with any adjective, until he said, "unbearable."</p><p>Mia asked how so, and Felix told her about the pleasant facade Dimitri wore and the angry, violent person that hid beneath.</p><p>"Only he's getting better and his coach is helping," Felix concluded."So I've got to be--I don't know--patient or something."</p><p>"And you want to, because you do still want him as a friend," Mia guessed.If he didn't, then Mia would tell him not to put himself through so much stress for something he didn't even want.</p><p>But Felix nodded."What would you do?"</p><p>"God, I have no idea.But if I saw he was putting in effort and healing and wanted to make a change--and actually was--then I'd want things to get back to some kind of normal.I don't know.I never really had a close childhood friend, living out of town as we were."</p><p>The look of quiet desperation on Felix's face quickly turned to a frown.</p><p>"Unless you count my brother, I guess," Mia said."We were always pretty close.So I guess, if stuff happened and I couldn't count him as a friend anymore, but then he said he'd try and change and get along again, I'd want to do my best, too."</p><p>"Huh.I guess that makes sense.Anyway, about you coming down--you could take the train," Felix suggested, moving on so fast from talk of Dimitri that Mia figured he was diverting on purpose.He pulled out his phone to look up the train schedule."If you took the five o'clock you'd get to Union Station around six-thirty and I could have someone pick you up."</p><p>Mia bit the inside of her cheek."I'm not--"</p><p>"Couldn't be Sylvain--he actually has to work that weekend--but I could ask the old man, which would suck," Felix went on."But you'd have either him or a cab and I don't know what you'd be more comfortable with."</p><p>"Probably your dad," Mia admitted."But Felix--"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Mia rubbed her forehead with the heel of her hand."Via's super expensive, I'm not sure I--"</p><p>"Oh.Right.I can buy you the ticket then," Felix said."Send it to you over e-mail or some shit."</p><p>"That's not--"</p><p>"Don't be weird about it," Felix grumbled."I want you to visit.Do you know what I normally spend my money on?"</p><p>"Cat food?"</p><p>"Swords," Felix said.</p><p>Mia thought about it, and felt Felix watching her.There was no doubt that it was weird, the difference in their situations.It made her a little uneasy. </p><p>"If you want to figure something else out, that's fine I guess," Felix said, when Mia didn't answer."It would be shitty of me to force you to accept."</p><p>There was a balance of power that needed to be considered, Mia supposed.Each of them had something different to offer to this relationship.Each of them had to figure out what they really wanted.For these things to work, they couldn't hold anything against each other, just try to be honest.</p><p>"All right, we'll see," Mia said."I might not be able to make it, or I could drive.But, I mean, I <em>would</em> like to visit again."</p><p>"I'd like that, too." </p><p>***</p><p>Their meal was companionable, especially as the discussion veered from money to more comfortable topics, like their trip to the antique store and Mia's brother.</p><p>Felix had wanted to hear about him for a little while, but felt that Mia was guilty about sharing.So he made a point of asking, learning Hurst was just one year older than Mia, that he was getting married in August, and that he probably knew Ingrid, seeing as he worked with horses in Ailell.</p><p>At first Mia seemed reluctant to talk about him, but when Felix didn't get offended or sad or whatever she was expecting, the conversation flowed better. </p><p>They split the bill, because Mia said she was the one who'd arranged this date and Felix thought it was unfair to ask her to try and keep up with him.He still thought he should be the one paying, but Mia seemed somewhat satisfied with this arrangement.They thanked Sully and put their coats on, before heading out into the street.</p><p>It was snowing now, big, fat, fluffy flakes that stuck to every surface.Mia tilted her head up in the glow of a streetlight and smiled wide and open.Her breath swirled in front of her face and her hair looked soft and warm.It curled over her shoulders and into the space where her coat didn't close fully in front of her throat.</p><p>"It's snowing!"</p><p>As if Felix couldn't tell, as if the both of them weren't being blanketed in it.</p><p>Felix grinned."Are you six?"</p><p>"Don't tell me you hate the snow, too," Mia whined."It's pretty!It's magical."</p><p>"I don't hate it," Felix said."Want to walk for a bit?"</p><p>He didn't expect her to light up at the suggestion the way she did.Felix kept his hands in his pockets and the two of them headed down the sidewalk, shoulder-to-shoulder, away from his car.Snowflakes danced around them.</p><p>Mia's face remained angled up, mesmerized by the white flecks against the sky.Her cheeks were rosy-red and her lips were, too.</p><p>"You've got to look where you're going," Felix said.</p><p>Mia just turned her face to him, wearing an expression that lacked any guilt or self-preservation.Sighing, Felix stuck his left elbow out, jutting into her side. </p><p>"I don't need you breaking your face on the ice," Felix grumbled."Just--"The air was cold but his face was too warm.</p><p>Mia ducked her head for a moment, then slid her arm around his.</p><p>Warmth flooded him, from his head to his toes. </p><p>With Mia hugging his arm, they wandered along the street, past tea shops and boutiques, their signs obstructed by the static of falling snow.Streetlights cast an amber glow on the scene.Only a few other people were out, heading home or to dinner with friends, Felix didn't know.He looked at his feet whenever they passed someone else, embarrassed to be walking arm-in-arm with his girlfriend even though separating was the furthest thing from his mind.His bangs became damp and his cheeks prickled with the cold.In the corner of his eye, Mia was still smiling, looking peaceful and graceful and as soft as happiness.She bore a mantle of downy flakes like a cloak and hood. </p><p>"Do you want to go back?" Mia caught him looking at her.</p><p>Felix shook his head."No--I like this."</p><p>"It's so quiet.You can hear the snow falling.I love it, I always have, I just love standing out in the snow."</p><p>She was right.Felix slowed, so their footsteps were softened, and listened to the gentle fuzz of a million snowflakes hitting the pavement and the cars parked at the curb and his own hair. </p><p>"I like it with you," Felix breathed.</p><p>The only indication that Mia had heard came when she squeezed his arm a little tighter.Felix looked up to the sky, his lips parted.Everything was falling, tumbling around him, and he was thinking that he knew how that felt.It was slow and gentle and not at all how he'd feared.He wouldn't change it.</p><p>"I like you, too," Mia murmured.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so much to say about this chapter.</p><p>first, it's so harrrrd to write Mia's parents but yes, they barbecue in January and yes, it was -20C but the wind was coming from the West, you see, which means that the barbecue was sheltered by the house...</p><p>i had no idea what on earth these two could do for a date in january in Canada, but last year around this time i was hopping from one antique store to another in search of glasses for a special wedding gift!! and god I wish that I could. just go and look around and touch all the glassware again. Maybe see a haunted clown doll who knows!!<br/>ah, someday. until then stay safe and stay in if you can.</p><p>writing the antique store scene was a combination of trying to remember every single weird object i've ever come across in real life, and struggling to keep obvious Magic from bleeding into the story, because it really wanted to. happily, i kept the genre as it was but was reminded of how close i've been to magic in real life, so it was what the kids call a win-win.</p><p>anyway i'm pleased as punch to have written a proper Snow Scene!! this chapter sparks so much joy for me.</p><p>the title lyric is from 'Better to be Loved' by Francesco Yates. The song in the car is 'Outta my Head' by Daughtry, and it is not like the others i've had you listen to! He has the Range, I'm telling you!</p><p>and...okay...I haven't been paying attention to the hit counter because i thought that most of them were just from me rereading my author's notes because i'm a narcissist. but i checked the faq and apparently my views don't add to it? which means that you keep on coming back to read this and I am so grateful!! it's a wonderful feeling to know my writing is read and enjoyed. I appreciate you!</p><p>lastly while looking up the VIA rail map i discovered that there's a Felix, Ontario?? nsbdvhgvfhv it reminds me of Corner Gas using the names of Saskatchewan towns as each character's surname.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. brimstone and fire, stories i've been told</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mostly travel scenes</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter has some discussion of religion/Catholicism</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the end, Mia accepted Felix's offer to buy her train tickets.The truck was needed that weekend to tow hay and her mom didn't like the idea of her driving alone through Toronto traffic, anyway, despite assurances that Mia would be all right.It was fair, she supposed.If congestion were the only issue, that would be one thing, but people seemed downright reckless, at any hour.</p><p>On the other side, Mia's dad encouraged her to take full advantage of Felix's situation.If it saved them money, then it was a good idea to him. </p><p>What decided it for Mia was the fact that she had been sending Felix songs, which was not an easy thing for her to do, and which he appreciated very much.In the beginning, he'd always tried to offer ways to pay her back, and she had told him not to worry so much about it.This was not the same, but it was similar.Mia resolved to keep her eyes open and not to count score.</p><p>Her sending him music became a regular weekly occurrence, mostly more Daughtry and Marianas Trench, since it was something she knew that they both enjoyed.Felix let her know that he was looking forward to Fridays now that it was a kind of long-distance date night between them.Mia had sat red-faced at her computer, embarrassed out of her mind that he could admit to eagerly awaiting hearing her voice.</p><p>There was little opportunity to meet up again in the second half of January and early February, but the steady messaging and sending of cat pictures made it feel like they were still progressing in their relationship.Mia found herself thinking about Felix a lot, and the way he'd stood so close to her with snow sitting sharply contrasted against his dark hair.</p><p>Mia sent him an extra song on February fourteenth, as a surprise, with no message attached or any indication that this had to do with the date.It was mostly as a token to show that she had not forgotten or neglected the holiday.Felix had answered her at one in the morning, and she'd seen his message the next day.He said that he couldn't wait until that weekend.</p><p>She wondered if she should be prepared for anything in particular, since there was no way Sylvain would let him forget that the fourteenth was significant.She hoped that it would just be a quiet weekend.Mia didn't want to make any kind of deal out of Valentine's Day.</p><p>Mia's dad drove her to the train station, warning her to be careful and then telling her to have a good time.He made a show of pretending to cry that his little girl was growing up and kissed the top of her head before she got on her train.</p><p>The ride itself was uneventful, and Mia was glad of it.She doodled in a notebook in between looking out at the scenery rushing by.Mostly she scribbled out shapes for pendants, but she was also still trying to come up with a sword design that would be easy to make and not too delicate.With her headphones in, the trip went by quickly.</p><p>At Union Station, Mia went straight to the Tim Horton's, where Felix had said his 'old man' would be waiting for her.Mia worried that she'd be unable to recognize him, but when she saw him sitting on a bench with his legs politely together, sipping tea and looking like a Renaissance painting, she knew that there could be no mistake.</p><p>"Hello, Mr. Fraldarius," Mia said, approaching with her bag slung over her shoulder.</p><p>He looked up at her, smiling benevolently."Good evening, Miss Cecile!How was your trip?"</p><p>"It was nice, thank you," Mia answered, watching Rodrigue stand.He offered to carry her bag, and Mia felt it would be insulting to decline so she awkwardly lifted the strap over her head so that she could pass it to him with her thanks.</p><p>They made their way to the street, where his car was parked.Rodrigue unlocked the vehicle and opened the door for Mia, then put her bag in the back seat.Mia waited in the warm silence for him to circle to the driver's side and join her.</p><p>"Have you eaten yet?" Rodrigue asked, buckling his seatbelt.</p><p>"I had a muffin before I left."</p><p>"Felix has arranged it that he will be home earlier than usual, so I expect that we might order something when we reach the house," Rodrigue said.</p><p>"That sounds good," Mia said.</p><p>Rodrigue started the car and entered traffic.The roads were busy and they hit every red light.Mia didn't know what to say, and was about to thank him for picking her up from the station when Rodrigue said something that chilled Mia to the bone.</p><p>"I am aware that you were in Felix's room when you visited for New Year's."</p><p>His eyes were on the road, but the disapproval in his voice was enough to make Mia's guts twist up with guilt and shame.She <em>had</em> been there, she'd been hiding from him with swords all around her, and he had not said anything at the time to indicate he'd known. </p><p>"I am not a fool," Rodrigue added.Had he talked to Felix about this?Had Felix known this would come up, and if he had, wouldn't he have warned her?</p><p>The light turned green.Mia looked out her window."That doesn't mean anything happened."</p><p>"I just told you I'm not a fool."</p><p>Mia frowned, recognizing the guilt inside her as something familiar.Also familiar was the anger that accompanied it.She didn't need this.</p><p>"And I don't know why we have to talk about it, if you're not going to believe me," Mia said, trying to keep her voice conversational.She did not want to snap at her boyfriend's father.She did not want to create tension."Maybe I'm a baby and can't sleep in a strange place.Maybe I was about to panic because of the pressure I was putting on myself to be rested.I asked Felix for company--only that--and he helped me feel safe and like I wasn't the only person in the world and instead of staying up all night crying?I actually did sleep.I'm not trying to corrupt your son.I'm not some 'temptress' or whatever it is you think.Give me--and Felix--some credit."</p><p>Rodrigue was quiet, and Mia wondered if she had overstepped.She was almost shaking, on the brink of saying something else.</p><p>She did."Not that it's any of your business, anyway."</p><p>"It is in my house," Rodrigue pointed out, making Mia stiffen.He went on, softly."I don't think you're a temptress.I never said that.I don't even think your intentions are bad--it's just that you're so young.The two of you are going to be hurt if you don't think things through."</p><p>"Felix is how old?"</p><p>"He's nearly twenty-six," Rodrigue said."But I wasn't talking about that."</p><p>"Oh?How old do you think I am?"</p><p>They were coming up to another red light.</p><p>"It's obvious you're barely in your twenties.You still have so much growing to do, so much to learn about who you are, and I know you think that--"</p><p>"I'm twenty-five."</p><p>"Please."</p><p>They stopped at the traffic light, and Mia yanked her wallet out of her purse.She flipped it open and held it up for Rodrigue's discerning eye to take a closer look at."Is this good enough for you, officer?God."</p><p>"Oh.Oh, I see.My apologies."</p><p>Mia stuffed her wallet back in her purse.She felt like she was going to cry, so she took a few steadying breaths.</p><p>"I still can worry," Rodrigue said.</p><p>"About what?Our immortal souls?Us making the kind of mistakes that humans do?Learning from them?I've never done anything like this, and maybe I should have.Maybe I put off university too long.Maybe I've been a coward about starting things.I'm only just figuring out who I am and what I want, when all the conflicting signals around me have made that nearly impossible to find.Don't add to it, please."</p><p>Rodrigue's attention was back on the road, and guiding them through the intersection."I didn't realize.I'm sorry."</p><p>"It's okay," Mia said, hugging her purse.</p><p>"You're quite alike."</p><p>Mia remembered Felix saying that, too, after the argument he'd had with Rodrigue that had gone a lot like this."I'm sorry I snapped," Mia said, feeling miserable."I didn't expect to be interrogated.And nothing happened, and I want to do what feels right for me, anyway.I really like Felix and I want it to be--good."</p><p>"I didn't mean to make you feel like you were being interrogated.I'm sorry."</p><p>That seemed doubtful.Mia hoped that it wasn't too far from the station to the Fraldarius house, but knew that was too much to ask.The city was big and it always took ages to cross it."It's fine."</p><p>There was a space of quiet, before Rodrigue couldn't help himself from more discussion."Your family--what kind of influences have you had, growing up?"</p><p>Mia had an idea what he was leading up to."Some of my family's religious, some isn't."</p><p>"Catholic?" Rodrigue asked, hopefully.</p><p>"Yeah."Mia looked back out the window, hoping she hadn't sneered that syllable too much.</p><p>Rodrigue sighed."After Glenn--has Felix told you anything about him?"He glanced over to see Mia nod."After Glenn, I tried to get Felix to find some stability through the Church, to find some peace.He's never taken to it.I have no idea why--"</p><p>"Why should he?" Mia sat up, anger renewed."The first thing I learned was that Jesus died for our sins and we're all saved through God's grace.The next thing you know, one bad thought is enough to send you to eternal damnation.Being human is enough for punishment.Which is it?Imagine having to pray for your brother not to go to Hell, while being told how great and good God is.It's--cruel."</p><p>Rodrigue was quiet, and Mia knew that she had definitely overstepped, now.But she couldn't stop, not when one memory led to another.</p><p>"I just hate that I was made to feel guilty, as a <em>child</em>, for things I'd never done and wouldn't, anyway," Mia said."I hate having been shown graphic depictions of someone suffering, and being told it was for my good.I never asked for it.I never would have.Looking back it was more like they were romanticizing pain and sacrifice than actually trying to guide us."</p><p>"Miss Cecile," Rodrigue said.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Mia said."It's your faith.Just because it doesn't make sense to me doesn't mean I can just--all I'm saying is it isn't for me, either.I'm sorry for turning it into a rant.It's still your faith."</p><p>"You know," Rodrigue said quietly, turning onto a side street, "you really are a lot like Felix.Except for the apologies, of course."</p><p>Mia exhaled."Sorry for your rotten luck."</p><p>"I don't mind.He's my son.I love him.I shouldn't be surprised that he would gravitate towards someone with similar values."</p><p>"Still," Mia said. </p><p>To her surprise, Rodrigue chuckled."I suppose I should have approached this more carefully.Perhaps Felix is right about my judgemental nature.Disguising it as parental concern does not necessarily make it so."</p><p>They were entering a neighbourhood with larger and larger houses, so Mia guessed that they were getting closer to the Fraldarius mansion.</p><p>Rodrigue went on."I'm sorry, too.I hope that the two of you take care with each other.If Felix has found someone who understands him, then I'm glad for him.Lord knows we don't see eye to eye about many things."</p><p>That much was clear."We're both being careful," Mia promised him."We've talked about how new it is, for each of us."</p><p>"Good.And despite my, er, judgement, I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything.I may not understand but I will try to offer support."</p><p>"Okay," Mia said.</p><p>She must not have sounded completely convinced.Rodrigue said, "I mean it.I've been trying my best with Felix--I will do the same for you."</p><p>"Thanks," Mia said, still not too sure.She tried to avoid looking at the large houses they were driving past, many still with their Christmas lights blinking away. </p><p>Mia couldn't say that she recognized the street where Felix and Rodrigue lived.If she were given three photos of big houses and was told to pick the one belonging to the Fraldarius's, she would have to guess.As Rodrigue pulled into the garage, he thanked Mia for their talk, as though it had been pleasant for either of them.</p><p>"Felix isn't home just yet, but I'm sure he won't be long," Rodrigue said."I'm glad that we had an opportunity to speak."</p><p>Unbelievable."Me, too," Mia said, unsure if she was lying or not. </p><p>***</p><p>"Are you sure you don't want to do anything tomorrow?" Dimitri asked, while Felix drove through downtown Toronto to drop him back home.Beside him was Dedue.Dimitri and Coach Byleth 'Sweetpea' Eisner were in the back, because apparently Sweetpea didn't know how to read <em>or</em> drive.</p><p>Felix knew he was being unfair.Eisner was doing wonders for Dimitri, going so far above and beyond what should be asked for a coach that they deserved a medal or a crown or something.</p><p>"You've got a game in the afternoon," Felix reminded him."I'm not going to make you drop your prepping routine for some arbitrary celebration.Besides, Sylvain and Ingrid can't make it either.We'll do something on a later date if it means so much to you."</p><p>"I know, but it's your birthday," Dimitri said, as if Felix had ever cared.</p><p>So maybe he had, as a child, and maybe he had cried when the frosting was too sweet and made his tummy hurt and when Dimitri made it better by giving him a big teddy bear to hold against his sore belly.Maybe he had used to beg his dad to take him to museums and science centres with his three closest friends and his brother where he would feel like the most important person in the world.Things changed.Now, all Felix wanted--</p><p>"I think a quiet birthday can be nice," Dedue said, "I enjoy my solitude, and having the time to care for myself.A second date to mark the occasion with friends and family extends the feeling of being cherished."</p><p>"Yeah, sure, that," Felix said.He knew that he could count on Dedue not to draw attention to the fact that he was blushing."Only, I'm not spending it alone, per se..."</p><p>"Oh!" Dimitri said, like he had pieced together the clues and at last understood."Wait."</p><p>"Felix, you don't need to share your plans if you'd rather not," Sweetpea said from behind him.</p><p>Though Felix had one plan, the rest of the weekend was up in the air.Still, things had been going well between himself and Dimitri, and the truth would have to come out sooner or later.</p><p>"I'm okay saying some of it," Felix said, feeling Sweetpea leaning forward.In fact, he wanted to say it."I've been--I invited Mia down.For the weekend."</p><p>"She's very nice," Dimitri said, seemingly for his coach's benefit."She's where I got Princess from.So you two are still friends?"</p><p>Dedue let out the barest sound, a stifled laugh that Felix was certain neither Dimitri or Sweetpea heard.Had he been so obvious at New Year's? </p><p>The answer, he knew, was yes.</p><p>"We're dating," Felix admitted.</p><p>"Oh!" Dimitri gasped. </p><p>Felix prepared himself for Dimitri to make a big deal out of it, offer a paragraph or so about how good it was for Felix and memories of who they used to be.</p><p>"I'm very happy for the two of you," Dimitri said simply.</p><p>"I suspected as much at New Year's," Dedue said, and if Felix hadn't been spending so much time working with him he wouldn't have been able to recognize that the other man's tone was wicked.</p><p>"As did I," Sweetpea agreed.</p><p>Felix gripped the wheel."You weren't even there--"</p><p>"Wasn't I?"</p><p>"You've never even met her."</p><p>"Well, you must introduce us sometime," Sweetpea said, like they were a parent and much more involved in Felix's life than they were.</p><p>"Of course," Felix found himself saying.</p><p>"When will she be coming down?" Dimitri asked.This drive was going so strangely that Felix stopped trying to guess what the others were thinking.</p><p>"She's probably already here," Felix said.He groaned."I'm probably going to start a fight when I get home."</p><p>"With Mia?" Dedue asked, alarmed.</p><p>"With his dad," Dimitri said.</p><p>"When she was here for New Year's, I--" Felix shook his head.Things were getting easier with his old man.Not great, but they were sort of respecting each other's boundaries and not letting things turn into full-blown arguments.It would be fine."He was fine with her visiting and picking her up from the station," Felix said."She can handle an hour with my father.Right?"</p><p>"He's very proper," Dedue said carefully.That wasn't a lie, nor was it helpful.</p><p>They were getting close to Dimitri's building, and it was where Felix would drop off both him and Dedue.Sweetpea had yet to say where they wanted to be let off, only that 'it was on the way'.</p><p>If Felix was being honest, he was worried about what the old man might say to Mia, or too-personal questions he might ask.Still, Felix had already made it clear that he and Mia's activities weren't his father's business, and in front of Mia no less, so there was no reason to put her through that again.It would be fine.</p><p>Dimitri and Dedue offered early birthday wishes as they entered the parking lot of the former's condo. </p><p>"I hope you have a good weekend," Dimitri said."I'll be sure to call tomorrow."</p><p>"That's not necessary," Felix said, but Dimitri was already closing the door, to leave Felix and Sweetpea in silence.The green-haired coach spread out on the back seat.Felix glared at them in the rearview."And where am I letting you out?"</p><p>"I'll let you know," Sweetpea said.Felix got the car in gear, muttering about his job."Is it all right to talk a bit?"</p><p>"About what?" Felix asked, raising an eyebrow.He barely knew Sweetpea, only from a few similar drives that usually ended with the coach leaving with Dimitri so that the two could part ways in the parking lot.</p><p>Sweetpea shrugged."Dimitri, you, anything."</p><p>"Go ahead," Felix said, because anything was better than imagining Mia and his old man seated in awkward silence waiting for him to arrive and break it with some sharp observation better kept to himself.</p><p>"You've grown since Dimitri's birthday."</p><p>"I'd rather not think about that," Felix said.</p><p>"Fine.You mean a lot to Dimitri.He says you've both been communicating better, and it's true that he's growing, too."</p><p>"That's not my doing," Felix said.</p><p>"No.But instead of making him feel worse, you've been treating him better, and that makes a difference in his outlook."</p><p>"I know that."</p><p>"Do you?"</p><p>Felix bit his lip."What's your point?"</p><p>"No point, just observing.I get the feeling it's hard for you to be patient, so I respect your efforts.Take care of yourself.Think about your goals, long-term and short."</p><p>"Okay," Felix said, sceptical.</p><p>"Send your girlfriend flowers every now and then," Sweetpea added.Baffling as that was, it did not compare to what followed."Here's a good spot," they declared, and before Felix had slowed to a complete stop the back door was open.Cold air swept into the vehicle and Felix slammed on the brakes.The car behind them laid on the horn.</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>Sweetpea turned back with a peace sign and hopped onto the sidewalk. </p><p>"What the fuck?" Felix demanded, eloquent.This was a bridge over the 400, not a neighbourhood or retail district or <em>anywhere</em> a human being would want to be dropped off.</p><p>"Thanks for the ride," Sweetpea said, and closed the door.</p><p>Felix unbuckled his seatbelt to stretch across the passenger side and try to see what Sweetpea was doing--their back was already to him as they dashed away in the direction from which they had come.</p><p>"Why."Felix hauled himself back to a proper sitting position and prepared himself for the remainder of the drive.He was so perplexed that he didn't even think about all the things that could be going wrong.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix came home to a quiet house.It was going to be just as he'd feared then.He kicked off his boots and hung up his coat, calling out a nervous greeting to the silent hallway.</p><p>"You took a little longer than expected," Rodrigue said, appearing from the kitchen.</p><p>Felix jumped."F--Don't do that.Where's Mia?"</p><p>"She's up in your room with the cats, I believe," Rodrigue said.</p><p>Felix ignored the first half of that sentence."So?Did you have a nice talk on the drive?"</p><p>"We did," Rodrigue said, in a way that did nothing to smooth Felix's hackles."She's a very nice young woman.I didn't realize she was so close to you in age, though."</p><p>Lip curling, Felix demanded how he'd found that out."Did you I.D. her or something?"</p><p>Rodrigue laughed."She shoved it in my face and called me 'officer'.She's a lot like you."</p><p>"Sorry for your luck," Felix spat.</p><p>"I'm glad you've found someone with whom you have so much in common," Rodrigue said, hiding his too-big grin behind his hand.Not very polite of him."I think you'll be able to understand each other well."</p><p>"Terrific." Felix dumped his gloves on the hallway table.He headed for the stairs.</p><p>"Felix?"</p><p>Felix stopped."What?"</p><p>"I'll always support you, you know.Whether this works out, whether you end up hurt.I'm sorry for holding you to such high expectations all your life.I want you to grow, and to be yourself, not anyone else."</p><p>"You've been talking to Sweetpea or something?" Felix said under his breath.</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"Are you going to order something to eat?" Felix sounded out.</p><p>Rodrigue smiled."Of course."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter--specifically, the car ride with Rodrigue--was in my plan from the start, but it got moved from being Mia's ride To the train station for her trip home to her ride From it on arrival. </p><p>i feel my characterization was weak, but i tell myself that this is because there's been so much growth and i've skipped past quite a few interactions that might have made it feel more organic. really, i rushed this because all i want is to get to the next chapter, which is supposed to be more positive and in the spirit of this story, anyway. since i'm so excited for it i'm sure it won't turn out as expected, but i can live with that.</p><p>i don't even know why Sweetpea was in there, but i don't think i even got <em>their</em> personality right</p><p>the title is another lyric from Daughtry's 'Just Found Heaven'<br/>close runner-ups were 'All this Time' by Sting (either "fussing and flapping in priestly black" or "but they only get better one by one") and 'Take me to Church' by Hozier ("that's a fine-looking high horse")<br/>Daughtry won out because of the major recurring themes i've been building on and i also really really like the song</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. and i will hide you when it gets too much</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"when you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath<br/>and the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless<br/>when you try to speak but you make no sound<br/>and the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia was sitting on the floor of Felix's room when she heard voices from downstairs.So that there was no chance of overhearing whatever was being said, she quietly began singing the names of the two cats in front of her.She wiggled a feather toy, and Estoc watched Spinach Puff batting at it. </p><p>'<em>Spinach Puff, Spinach Spinach Spinach Puff,</em></p><p>
  <em>Estoc, Estoc, sharp as a sword, who's a good diva?'</em>
</p><p>Estoc sat and yawned, her mouth opening into a canyon of sharp fangs before shutting.The pale grey cat gave Mia an entirely patronizing look.</p><p>Footsteps in the hall signalled Felix's approach, so Mia stopped her nonsense song and twisted where she sat to face the door.</p><p>"Hi," Mia said.</p><p>Felix stopped in the doorway, looking weary.He wasn't in his usual casual clothes, but black from top to bottom, shirt and tie included."Hi," he said, and his face brightened, one side of his mouth twitching like it still wanted to fight happiness at every opportunity, but then losing out to the smile that spread over it."I think you left an impression on my dad."</p><p>Mia dropped the cat toy to hide her face in her hands."Oh my God.That's one way to put it."</p><p>"What happened?" Felix crossed the carpet in his sock-feet and sat down beside her, cross-legged so that their knees were just touching.Immediately, Estoc chirped and climbed into his lap.He began stroking her, absently, as Mia told him about Rodrigue's accusations and her own subsequent tirade.</p><p>"I'm horrible, I said it all to his face--I mean, yeah, I hate my experience with Catholic school and all the--the," Mia heaved a breath, "the <em>guilt</em> and shame it drilled into me for no reason other than some kind of righteous power trip.But it's not like he's responsible for that and I insulted--"</p><p>"It's fine," Felix said, reaching out to her shoulder.At first, he pressed just his fingertips to it, before flattening his palm and rubbing in a small circle."He can handle it.You still feel the guilt?"</p><p>"Of course," Mia said, feeling a sob building in her chest with nowhere to go.Spinach Puff was staring at the feather toy on the floor, waiting for it to move.</p><p>"So do I.But you spoke it," Felix said, and there was something in his voice that made the urge to cry lessen, somewhat."You'll shed it.You're brave, Mia.I admire you."</p><p>She looked up at him in disbelief."I embarrassed myself and your dad is going to hate me forever."</p><p>Felix's laugh was small and breathless.He moved his hand to her other shoulder, and then stilled."Is this okay?"</p><p>Mia nodded, and let him hug her a little closer, one-armed.Estoc resettled, with one paw reaching out to knead at Mia's leg.</p><p>"He's not going to hate you.Pretty sure he's not allowed," Felix said."Besides, he can take it.And even if he did hate you, it wouldn't matter."</p><p>"I just--"</p><p>"Hey," Felix said softly, his voice a low, kind rumble, "hey, it's not important what he thinks.Or anyone.You're strong, okay?You're brave and powerful and I see that.You were judged when you were supposed to be welcomed.I understand how you feel."</p><p>He was being so generous and Mia was having difficulty believing him, no matter how badly she wanted to, no matter that this was exactly what she kept trying to convince herself of.It was the reason she was trying to let go--so that she could finally see herself. </p><p>"It's scary," Mia said, her voice coming out as a whimper.</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said."I know.I'm never sure if what I want is me, or if it's what I feel I'm expected to want.When I want something that I think isn't expected, I get scared that I'm not allowed."</p><p>Mia understood that, too.She understood downplaying her happiness because she'd been told suffering was more noble, and she understood downplaying her pain because it was supposed to make her stronger. </p><p>"Thank you for this," Mia whispered.</p><p>"We'll be okay," Felix said, rubbing her shoulder a little faster."And I wouldn't worry too much about the old man, either.He won't hold any of that against you."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yeah.I'm pretty sure he's already over it.And he's getting better at listening," Felix said.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix was relieved when Mia seemed to settle, leaning into him and reaching over his lap to stroke Estoc with gentle fingers.It had been hard to admit that Felix had the same fears as Mia.Usually, he disguised them as anger.Sitting on the floor, with Estoc purring unevenly between them and Spinach Puff still watching his toy expectantly, Felix felt strangely safe.This wasn't something he talked about much.A few times over drinks with Sylvain, the two of them had ranted about their upbringings and the things they were expected to do.Ingrid rarely joined in, being much more proactive about fixing her problems herself while still not really letting go of her insecurities. </p><p>This was different.There was no alcohol, no growling accusations thrown to the walls.Just Felix and Mia, sharing their scars.Mia confessed that she didn't know who she was, that she had hoped to wake up one morning and simply <em>be</em>.Felix agreed, down to the desperate wish to cast off all he'd learned and finally see himself at the core.It frightened them both, but Felix felt that he, at least, had gotten closer to finding it.</p><p>Felix's phone lit up with a text from the old man.He checked it.</p><p>"Dinner's here," he said."Ready?"</p><p>Mia took a deep breath."I think so."</p><p>"Let's see what he has to say," Felix said, removing Estoc from her throne so that he could stand.There were little, pale grey hairs all over his legs.Felix offered a hand to Mia and pulled her to her feet.</p><p>He left his jacket and tie on the bed.The two of them headed downstairs, offending the cats with their graceless exit.Estoc ran ahead a few steps and then stopped so that she could yell about it, while Spinach Puff clung to Felix's legs as if trying to send him to his death at the bottom of the stairs. </p><p>Rodrigue greeted them with a shaky smile, but stayed quiet through most of the meal.He asked about Felix's day and how Mia's family was doing, but otherwise kept his opinions to himself.Not one for much discussion, anyway, Felix was pleased with the silence.Still, he kept glancing at Mia to make sure that she was okay.</p><p>She seemed to be.Most of the tension was gone, though Felix did find that Mia was not as bright as she was when it was just the two of them.He wished he knew how to be funny or interesting enough to help her relax, fully.He still was not quite enough.</p><p>"Have you shared your plans for tomorrow?" Rodrigue asked as they were clearing the table.</p><p>Felix's fingers twitched."I don't exactly have a plan."</p><p>"Really?You used to love going--"</p><p>"--it's not important--"</p><p>"--out on your birthday," Rodrigue said."I would have thought you invited Mia down because you had something specific in mind."</p><p>"Well, I don't," Felix said, snatching the stack of plates from in front of his old man.</p><p>"Tomorrow's your <em>birthday?"</em> Mia asked.</p><p>Felix hiked his shoulders up and retreated to the kitchen.Unfortunately, both Mia and his father followed him in with the rest of the dishes.</p><p>"You didn't even mention it?" Rodrigue asked, laughing.</p><p>"Shut up," Felix muttered, dumping the plates onto the counter and opening the dishwasher.</p><p>"I mean, I'm not surprised," Mia said."Still, I wish you'd told me, so I could've brought something."</p><p>Felix shrugged."There was no need."</p><p>"Are you really not doing anything?"</p><p>"I asked you down here, didn't I?" Felix snapped.</p><p>The back of his neck heated up.As usual he was blurting things out like a fool.He had played his entire hand.Felix turned away from his audience and waited for his doom.</p><p>"Oh," Mia said. </p><p>Felix scratched at a partially dried spot of wine on the counter."Yeah."</p><p>"That's sweet," she said."I'm glad you want me to be here for it."</p><p>Sweet.It wasn't what Felix had been going for, but he would take it, and gladly."I'm happy you're here," he said, trying to speak as quietly as he could, aware that his father was right there.</p><p>Neither he nor Mia said anything, which meant that perhaps Felix was to be spared from embarrassment.They finished cleaning up the dishes, Rodrigue offering mindless comments on birthdays and responsibilities, and then Felix could no longer take it and offered to watch a movie with Mia.</p><p>"Oh, sounds good," Mia said.</p><p>Felix sneered at his old man as the two of them left for the basement to watch.Rodrigue simply chuckled and went off to finish up whatever paperwork he needed to do before the morning. </p><p>Alone with Mia, Felix was happy to see that she was already beginning to relax.</p><p>"That went pretty well," she said.</p><p>Felix agreed."See?"</p><p>"You're so smart," Mia said, placing herself on one end of the couch and swinging her legs up onto it, "and polite and thoughtful."</p><p>"Anything else?" Felix asked, rolling his eyes as he set up the tv.</p><p>"You're--" Mia cut herself off.Nudging her legs made her bring them up to her chest and give Felix room to sit down beside her. </p><p>"What am I?"</p><p>Mia shook her head."You're going to think it's weird."</p><p>Felix raised his eyebrows."I bet it's not."</p><p>She put her knuckles against her mouth and mumbled."You're kind of beautiful."</p><p>A single breath slithered out of Felix's lungs, winding and thin."What?"</p><p>She didn't repeat it, just stared at him, her face half-hidden but what was showing was rapidly becoming flushed.</p><p>"It's a little weird," Felix admitted, "but--"</p><p>"I'm sorry," Mia said.</p><p>"--I--if you think so--that's--"</p><p>"Let's just watch something!"</p><p>"--all right," Felix finished."More than all right," he added, because this was so much different than Sylvain's assurances that Mia felt this way about him--it was making his mouth dry, and his throat tight."We could watch something with a sentient sword in it, if that's okay."</p><p>Mia nodded, relieved."Yeah.Okay."</p><p>It was a terrific distraction, although Felix had to consciously keep from looking over at her as he pulled up the film he had in mind.As the opening credits began, Mia let out a quiet 'um'.</p><p>"Hm?" Felix finally lost his resolve and looked over at her.</p><p>She was still sitting with her knees pulled up, only now she was hugging them and had sunk a little deeper into her sweater."Are there gross parts?"</p><p>"Like bugs and stuff?No."</p><p>"I mean like blood and gore."</p><p>"Oh.I can warn you when it's going to happen, turn the volume down.It's a good movie," he promised.</p><p>Mia laughed."Okay."</p><p>Felix asked her how much was too much, and when she described the sort of thing she couldn't watch he realized that yes, there were a <em>lot</em> of 'gross parts'.He would have to be alert so that she didn't have to see it.</p><p>"The banter is really good," he said, "and the sword is good, too.Well," he amended, "it's a good <em>character</em>."The sword itself was probably better described as 'cursed' than 'sentient'.Still.</p><p>"Oh my God," Mia said.</p><p>"Would you rather watch something else?" Felix asked.</p><p>Mia shook her head."Let's see how this goes.And if I end up with weird dreams I'll just make it your problem."</p><p>"Fair."</p><p>The movie began with the sword's history of blood and destruction, not too graphic at this point--Mia watched fine, and Felix kept the volume low for her benefit.Next was a scene in present-day, featuring the beautiful archaeologist who would soon stumble upon the weapon and become possessed by it. </p><p>"Graphic," Felix warned, when the scene was about to begin.He turned the volume very low, looking over to see Mia was looking away, off at the corner of the ceiling."The sword's taking her over--it's probably not as painful as they're making it out to be--you're not missing anything, just some pandering to the male gaze--"</p><p>Mia snorted."I'm sorry?"</p><p>Felix shrugged."You try watching a movie in between Ingrid and Sylvain."</p><p>"Sounds fun," Mia said.</p><p>"So that's done," Felix said, putting the volume back up."She's off to start killing people."</p><p>"Oh boy."</p><p>"No one you'll like.Now shut up.There's good banter coming up with the descendant."</p><p>Mia muttered an apology under her breath and adjusted her position so that she was sitting properly against the back of the couch. </p><p>The banter <em>was</em> good, and it made Mia laugh and Felix smile.The sword-possessed woman began cutting a bloody path through everyone who had wronged her, so Felix had to keep muting and then un-muting the tv.</p><p>"It's not <em>so</em> bad with the sound off," Mia said, after having clearly peeked at one of the scenes.</p><p>"That wasn't one of the really bad ones," Felix said.Still, he moved the remote to his right hand and offered his left to Mia to hold.She did, and the next time he warned her of an upcoming 'gross' scene, he felt her turning his hand around, feeling his knuckles with her fingertips and searching out the callouses on his palm. </p><p>"Definitely don't watch this one."</p><p>"I've been watching you more than the movie at this point," Mia said.</p><p>Felix laughed nervously."I should've thought of that, I guess."</p><p>"So that wasn't your plan from the start?"</p><p>"No!I didn't--think--"</p><p>"It's fine.I'm still having a good time."</p><p>There was soon witty dialogue between the sword-possessed archaeologist and the descendant of the characters in the opening sequence.A sword pun made Mia giggle.It was followed by an excellent duel.</p><p>The movie reached its conclusion, with the archaeologist managing to gain control long enough for the descendant to remove the blade, pulling it out of her mouth like a sword swallower.</p><p>"You've got to watch this part," Felix said, lacing his fingers in between Mia's.</p><p>"Ew, I don't want to see that!"</p><p>"Watch."</p><p>The sword exploded into petals, carried away on the wind and leaving the two heroes together near the ocean, surrounded by beauty.</p><p>"Okay, that was kind of cool," Mia confessed.</p><p>There was a final, pleasant scene showing the pair of heroes readjusting to a new life together, and then the credits began to roll.Felix let them play, and turned to ask Mia what she thought of it.</p><p>"It was weird.Not like what I wrote," she added.</p><p>"I guess it wouldn't be, if you can't watch stuff like that," Felix observed.It was his turn to bring their hands closer, to look at the way their fingers joined.</p><p>"I'm probably going to have weird dreams anyway," Mia said, not looking too bothered.</p><p>"You mean, if you even fall asleep."</p><p>"True."</p><p>Felix glanced up at Mia's eyes, then back down to their hands."You can stay with me.You know, so you don't have to wake me up at two in the morning."</p><p>"How considerate," Mia said."I don't know if I'll be able to relax anymore in a room full of swords."</p><p>"They're all good swords.Estoc keeps them in line."</p><p>"Right, an estoc is a kind of sword.Do you have one?An actual estoc?"</p><p>Felix grinned."Want to see it?"</p><p>"Sure!"</p><p>***</p><p>Felix did not release Mia's hand as he lead her upstairs.She wondered for a moment if he was like one of those cats that acts skittish at first, but when it decides to like you there's no getting rid of it.She imagined trying to write and having to push Felix away from the keyboard.</p><p>Rodrigue was in the sitting room with a cup of tea and a novel.</p><p>"Oh," he said, eloquent as a single syllable can be.</p><p>"Is there a problem?" Felix asked, seeming to realize that he was still clinging to Mia's hand.</p><p>"Not at all.How was your movie?"</p><p>"Good," Mia said.</p><p>"I hope it wasn't one of Felix's sword movies."Rodrigue did not make a face, per se, but he looked unimpressed.</p><p>Felix snorted."Maybe Mia likes swords."</p><p>"Felix is going to show me his right now," Mia said, and then had to forcibly contain a shriek of laughter by chomping down on her knuckle.Felix turned to her, his free hand clamped over his mouth and his eyes bright. </p><p>"Well, you two enjoy yourselves," Rodrigue said, settling back to his novel.</p><p>Felix managed a grunt in reply and the two of them began heading up the stairs.</p><p>Suddenly there was a flurry of movement from the sitting room as Rodrigue hurled himself to his feet."<em>Wait!</em>"</p><p>***</p><p>Felix was still quietly laughing about his old man's frenzy while getting his estoc off the wall to show Mia.The look of <em>scandal</em> on his face had been priceless.Mia had been giggling while also apologizing profusely, and maybe it <em>had</em> been an unfortunate wording, or maybe it was the most tasteless joke she could have come up with.Either way, Felix was delighted, and eventually even his father had started saying he was sorry for misinterpreting and also being his usual judgemental self.He had retreated downstairs in a cloud of embarrassment.</p><p>The rest of the evening was spent showing off some of Felix's favourite swords, while the cats crawled all over Mia's lap and clothing bag.It was calm and quiet and Mia listened politely while Felix described the differences between blades, what they had been made to do--such as piercing armour--and when he'd gotten them.When it was late and Estoc began giving Felix her most disapproving glare, they decided to turn in.They would have the entire weekend to hang out and decide what else they wanted to do.</p><p>Getting ready for the night was a strange process, with each of them changing separately in the the ensuite while the other waited in the bedroom.It reminded Felix of childhood sleepovers, only this wasn't with one of his three oldest friends. </p><p>Settling into bed was particularly awkward, with the lamp still on and neither of them exhausted the way they had been at New Year's. </p><p>"If you'd rather try to sleep in the guest room," Felix began.</p><p>Mia shook her head."I think there's so much new stuff going on that I just won't be able to sleep anyway.As long as I don't keep you up."</p><p>"Don't worry about that," Felix said.</p><p>"Okay," Mia said, doubt creeping into her voice.She bit her lip.</p><p>Felix cleared his throat and reached over to shut off the lamp."Good night," he said.</p><p>"Good night," Mia repeated. </p><p>The two of them lay flat on their backs, and Estoc leapt onto the bed to curl up on Felix's chest.</p><p>"So you're not doing anything with your other friends tomorrow?" Mia asked.</p><p>"No.They all have to work.We'll get together later."</p><p>"Okay, good."</p><p>"If Ingrid convinces me to let everyone else come--Ashe and Bernie and everyone--you'd want to be there?"</p><p>"Of course," Mia said.</p><p>"I told Dimitri that--" Felix began, and trusted the darkness to protect him going forward "--that we're dating.It wasn't as embarrassing as I thought."</p><p>"Oh, good."</p><p>"Was it okay for me to tell?Can I tell people?"</p><p>"Of course," Mia said."I guess if they want to make assumptions about where we're at that's their problem, not ours."</p><p>Felix frowned at the ceiling."I didn't think of that.Okay.You've told all your writer friends, right?"</p><p>"Yeah.They're good--they're supportive."</p><p>"Okay.I'm glad."Felix idly rubbed Estoc's ears, making her purr.Spinach Puff had started taking an interest in Felix's room lately, but he usually didn't stay the full night.He preferred exploring and dashing back and forth along the hallway.</p><p>At the moment, he seemed to be exploring Mia's bag again.Felix wondered if it smelled familiar to the cat.</p><p>"Thank you," Mia said softly.</p><p>"What for?"</p><p>"Making me feel better," she said."Protecting me during the movie."</p><p>Felix let out a little hum."It's only fair.When I get home from work I usually listen to your songs."They often accompanied him falling asleep, but he didn't need to tell her that. </p><p>"Oh!That's so weird."</p><p>"Is it?" He closed his eyes.</p><p>Beside him was a soft giggle."Okay, just a little.It feels nice, too.So far all of this does."</p><p>Felix found that he couldn't agree more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hgnhjgh i decided to make this two chapters instead of one long one so we're updating Fast!</p><p>i take the 'write for yourself first' advice very seriously. it makes life so good.</p><p>ok so the weird movie they watch is thankfully not real, instead it's based off a dream i had a few years ago! in the dream i found the movie and then the dream became the movie! there was magic! invitations! a cruise ship! washrooms full of bleeding people! a mall with trees in front of every store! spring blossoms! why i felt the need to translate it into this fic is beyond me! but i did!</p><p>i'm so tempted to illustrate a crappy rendition of my tasteless sword joke ft. Rodrigue entering panicked-dad mode because i'm just.. irrationally pleased with it. what the hell. why is it so funny to me. grow up recurring.</p><p>wrote ahead a bit while in the middle of this chapter so the next update should be another fast one! however, ch43 marks the end of my official "outline" so i'll be sketching out in more detail some of the vague upcoming plot i've formed in my head.<br/>also i want. to write either dragons. or start on my third/final curling fic. we'll see how it goes!</p><p>the title and summary lyrics are from 'Beside You' by Marianas Trench. i used to hate that song so much! and now i'm using it as a title. character development.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. so sing it back if you're with me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i want to hear how your heart speaks</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia did not dream about the movie, because she kept being startled awake before she could fully relax into deep sleep.First it was Spinach Puff picking a fight with something that jangled loudly while also thumping back and forth across the room.Just when Mia got used to this, Spinach lost the toy somewhere and began to cry about it.He stopped after what seemed like half an hour of pathetic meowing and Mia drifted off.</p><p>Next, Felix woke her up by getting out of bed to go to the washroom.Behind the door she could hear retching, and when he returned, his pale face ghostly in the dark, he apologized and explained that he'd gotten a hair in his mouth.</p><p>They talked quietly for a bit and finally, Mia fell into an exhausted sleep.</p><p>It was disturbed when Estoc ran over Mia's chest in a fit of <em>something</em>.Mia sat up in panic, her heart pounding.The dusky half-light of early morning was filtering through the curtains, making it easy to see.Beside her, Felix was twitching slightly, his brows furrowed and his mouth snarling.</p><p>Mia had no idea if waking him up would be the right thing to do.She said his name, softly.</p><p>"Felix?Felix," Mia decided that she was being too quiet, but didn't want to startle him.She went on repeating it until Felix groaned.</p><p>Then his whole body jolted like she'd shocked him, and he blinked around him in confusion.</p><p>"Are you okay?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix's hand went to his face, in a snappish motion."What.Wh--"He was breathing heavily.</p><p>"I think you were having a dream," Mia said.</p><p>Recognition finally reached his eyes and Felix tipped his head back on the pillow.His dark hair was a snarled mess around his face."Yeah."He took a minute or so to get his breath, then asked if he had woken Mia.</p><p>"Estoc ran over me," Mia told him.</p><p>"Normally <em>she</em> wakes me up," Felix said."She's already delegating.Should never've let her meet Hilda."</p><p>Normally?Mia just pursed her lips."Here I thought I'd be the one having weird dreams."</p><p>Felix laughed half-heartedly."Sorry."</p><p>"It's fine," Mia said."What was it about?"</p><p>"It was nothing.I'm fine."</p><p>Mia wasn't fooled by his shaky smile, but she wasn't going to press the matter.She just nodded, before getting up to stretch and visit the washroom, herself.When she got back to the bedroom, Felix was sitting up with the lamp on.He had managed to straighten his hair a little, so that it fell almost tidily over one shoulder while he wrote in a notebook.</p><p>So that she didn't disturb him, Mia sat on the edge of the bed, facing away, and watched Estoc slinking along the wall. </p><p>"Wait, I think there was," Felix muttered."That's new.Fuck."</p><p>"What's new?" Mia couldn't help but ask.</p><p>Felix stopped writing."Snakes."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"I don't even mind snakes.That wasn't the bad part," Felix said, thoughtfully.Mia wondered what horrors his mind conjured up for him.She heard his pen rolling along paper for a little longer, then the sounds of him shifting and returning the notebook to his nightstand.</p><p>"Okay?" Mia asked.</p><p>"Yeah, it's fine," Felix said."Are you awake or do you want to try sleeping more?I'm going to shower."</p><p>Mia looked at the clock.It was almost six, which meant that ideally she would sleep for another three hours.Here?She doubted she'd fall back asleep, but she was too tired to feel like getting dressed for the day.</p><p>"I'll see if I can sleep a bit," Mia said.She hesitated a moment before crawling back under the sheets, beside him. </p><p>He just nodded, looking a little worried, then hauled himself out of bed to start fumbling through his dresser for clothes.Mia shut her eyes, listening to his feet on the carpet and his voice softly greeting Estoc.After the rough night, it calmed her.The room lightened, little by little, into an affirmation of something new and good.Mia dozed.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix was well aware that his old man knew that Mia had not spent the night in the guest room.He wondered if there would be a comment made when the two of them entered the kitchen to the smell of coffee.Then again, his father hadn't mentioned anything to him after supposedly knowing Mia had been hiding in Felix's room the last time she'd visited.He shook his head, trying to figure out why it was acceptable to confront Mia about it but not himself.</p><p>"Disparaging already?I haven't even wished you a good morning," Rodrigue said. </p><p>"Not everything is about you," Felix retorted, even though it had been.The cats wound around his legs, loudly demanding breakfast.</p><p>Rodrigue sighed."Happy Birthday, Felix."</p><p>Felix grunted.</p><p>"Oh, no!I forgot to wish you Happy Birthday!" Mia said.</p><p>"I don't care, it's not like I told you it was today."</p><p>"Still, I should've remembered.Good morning, Mr. Fraldarius," Mia added.Felix rolled his eyes as pleasant nonsense was exchanged, and went to work feeding the animals.</p><p>"There's still water in the kettle, for you to cut the coffee," Rodrigue said.</p><p>Mia thanked him, and Felix snorted as he set down the cats' dishes.</p><p>"Did you, ah, sleep well?" Rodrigue asked, and when Felix turned his attention away from the cats he saw that his old man was red-faced and looking anywhere but Mia.</p><p>"Fine," Mia lied.Felix was impressed with her composure--after the way she'd described her car ride the day before, he could only assume this meant that she was too tired to care at the moment.</p><p>"Good," Rodrigue said."That's good."</p><p>"It is," Mia said.</p><p>"Good."</p><p>Felix raised an eyebrow."So, Mia, how do you like your eggs? "</p><p>The look his old man gave him was almost pleading.Felix struggled to keep his expression merciless but could feel his own composure slipping.He had never considered that having a romantic relationship would result in awkwardness for anyone but himself, and he was revelling in the discovery made the night before.Everything either Felix or Mia said after spending the night with her in his bed would mortify the old man like nothing else.</p><p>"Over-easy," Mia said."But I'm happy with whatever you usually like, I'm sure."</p><p>Rodrigue was clearly warring inside--his politeness versus his discomfort.As usual, politeness won, and so he was forced to watch as Felix began making breakfast for his girlfriend-or-possibly-lover.</p><p>"Oh, do you have maple syrup?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix made a face."On eggs?You're disgusting."</p><p>"Felix," Rodrigue chided.</p><p>"You didn't think that last night," Mia retorted.</p><p>Felix snorted, and then had to stifle laughter when Rodrigue gasped in horror even as he retrieved the syrup for the woman who was proving to be his downfall.</p><p>"Oh, that sounded--I'm so sorry I keep doing this--"</p><p>"No doubt I will have the worst day at work in a long time," Rodrigue said, "not knowing what the two of you are conspiring to say next."</p><p>"This is long overdue," Felix pointed out.</p><p>"You're going to go out of your way to make this even more difficult, aren't you?" Rodrigue asked.</p><p>"Obviously," Felix said, at the same time that Mia vehemently denied it.</p><p>She looked almost as embarrassed as the old man."Felix, no."</p><p>"Fine," he said."As long as he keeps his nose out of our business."</p><p>Rodrigue looked from Mia to Felix."Thank you--and I <em>will</em> try, I'm new to this--but hearing what the Gautiers went through you cannot blame me for being on edge."</p><p>"Relax, do I look like Sylvain?"</p><p>"No," Rodrigue admitted.</p><p>"There's nothing to worry about.Just relax."</p><p>"Of course.I'll try."</p><p>***</p><p>Breakfast went much better than the previous meal.Mia tried to keep the conversation centred on cats, which was always a safe topic.Rodrigue told them about the Himalayan he had had growing up that would untie his shoelaces at every opportunity.Mia shared stories of barn cats that she had known and loved, and Felix related with an anecdote about his and Glenn's cat, Villain.</p><p>"Dad made him wear a bell because he'd sneak up on him while he was reading and attack his ankles."</p><p>"That cat," Rodrigue said, "was in full control of the bell.He never made a sound during the day but as soon as you were trying to fall asleep, that bell was loudest thing you'd ever heard."</p><p>"He lived up to his name," Felix said, fondly.</p><p>Soon, Rodrigue had to leave for work, and Mia and Felix were on their own.They lingered in the kitchen, entertaining Spinach Puff with a toy squirrel that he was intent on destroying.Felix pulled out his phone to take a picture of the cat with his teeth sunk into the toy's face and his eyes huge.</p><p>"So what do you want to do today?" Mia asked.She was not averse to the idea of simply hanging out around the house, maybe playing video games or talking about books.</p><p>"I kind of want to show you something," Felix said.He ducked his head."It's nothing special, but..."</p><p>"Okay," Mia said.</p><p>"In a bit," Felix added."When I'm ready."</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>Mia crouched and grabbed the squirrel, pretending to attack Spinach Puff with the toy.Felix browsed through birthday wishes on his phone, reading some of them out loud for Mia and keeping others to himself.</p><p>"Sylvain says hello," Felix said.</p><p>"Oh, say hi to Sylvain from me.Ruin, too."</p><p>"Sylvain's at work for a change," Felix said.</p><p>"Too bad for him.Good for Ruin though."</p><p>Felix let out a gentle huff of laughter."Annette sent me a little cake picture?She says, 'don't worry, it's spicy as fuck'."</p><p>"Tell her 'fuck yeah!'"</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes.He was leaning on the counter, the picture of nonchalance."'Mia says Fuck Yeah.'" he read as he typed.</p><p>"You're actually saying <em>I</em> said that?"Spinach Puff took advantage of Mia's distraction to drag the squirrel from Mia's hand and kill it, ferociously kicking at the soft underbelly with his back legs.</p><p>"She says, 'Wait Mia's there? Hell yeah Mia, girl go get some.'Wait."</p><p>Mia cackled, not surprised in the least that the inspiration behind Team Bastard would say something like that. </p><p>Felix exchanged a few more messages with his friends while Mia wrestled Mr. Squirrel away from Spinach Puff's clutches.Estoc resurfaced to watch with disdain.Felix had told Mia that the cats had reached an agreement, but that Estoc was still not entirely convinced about her new roommate.</p><p>Spinach Puff, on the other hand, lived in a blissful world that was free of tension and any possibility that he was ever less than unconditionally adored.</p><p>"Dad said he wasn't impressed with me bringing a cat home without warning, but I've caught him holding Puff like a baby and promising him leftovers when he thought I wasn't looking."</p><p>Mia laughed, not because it was a particularly funny image, but because Felix and his 'old man' were probably a lot more alike than they realized.She stood up with a grunt, stretching her cramped legs.Estoc looked incredulous but Spinach Puff gleefully realized he had won and rolled around while killing Mr. Squirrel.</p><p>Felix pocketed his phone and held his hand out."Ready?"</p><p>Mia had almost forgotten that he had something to show her.She nodded and put her hand in his, letting him guide her out of the kitchen.</p><p>He didn't stop at the comfortable couch where the group had celebrated New Year's, instead leading her to the stairs.For a wild second Mia almost thought there might be more swords in her future, but Felix brought her instead to the formal sitting room.</p><p>Together, they crossed the white carpet to the wall where the grand piano stood.Mia recalled perching on the bench, trying to decipher Felix's warnings and feelings about Dimitri.At the time, the space between them had seemed immense.</p><p>Mia sat on the bench when Felix gestured to it, sliding just enough to one side to leave room for him.He placed himself beside her, their thighs touching.Mia looked down at the keys, then up at Felix, who was pink-cheeked and arranging his hands over them.</p><p>"Are you going to play?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix closed his eyes."Clearly."</p><p>Mia laughed."Of course.I'd love to hear."</p><p>"I'll make mistakes," he warned.</p><p>"That's okay," Mia said."I'm not exactly musical, myself."</p><p>Felix looked like he was going to protest, then shook his head and took a few breaths before beginning to play.</p><p>It was gentle and familiar.Felix looked at her expectantly."I know you aren't so much into <em>Masterpiece Theatre</em>, but," he trailed off.</p><p>He played the opening notes once more, hesitantly, and the memory twigged for Mia as she recognized it as <em>Good to You</em>.She smiled and nodded. </p><p>"But it's--"</p><p>Felix repeated the melody a third time so Mia swallowed her question and began to sing.</p><p>
  <em>Everyone's around</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No words are coming now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I can't find my breath</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Can we just say the rest with no sound?</em>
</p><p>Mia glanced at Felix, all of his focus on the piano, his narrow fingers spread over the keys, his bangs falling forward.He frowned with concentration as Mia finished the first verse.  The chorus was flowing and Mia found herself swaying a little as she got into it.</p><p>
  <em>And I do want you to know</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'll hold you up above everyone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And i do want you to know</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think you'd be good to me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'd be so good to you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I would</em>
</p><p><em>Good to You</em> was a duet.Mia prepared to begin the second verse, but beside her, Felix inhaled loudly and started to sing.</p><p>
  <b>I thought I saw a sign</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Somewhere between the lines</b>
</p><p>
  <b>And maybe it's me</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Maybe I only see what I want</b>
</p><p>His voice was rough, low.It reminded her a bit of Pierce Brosnan's performance in <em>Mamma Mia!</em>Felix was clearly not a singer, but he put all of his heart into the lyrics, in trying to reach the notes and stay in tune.Mia had never heard anything better and her face flooded with warmth.</p><p>
  <b>And I still have your letter</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Just got caught between</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Someone I just invented</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Who I really am and who I've become</b>
</p><p>His voice went growly trying to hold the last note.It was perfect.Mia almost forgot to join him on the chorus.</p><p>
  <b> <em>And now I do want you to know</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I'll hold you up above everyone</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>And now I do want you to know</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I think you'd be good to me</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>And I'd be so good to you</em> </b>
</p><p>What followed were a series of runs and <em>oh's</em> and <em>whoa's</em>, and Mia didn't know what she was doing but she attempted them anyway.Maybe to compete, Felix tried as well.The two of them threw their inhibitions to the winds.</p><p>
  <em>I can't be without you</em>
</p><p>Mia didn't know if they even sounded good together, but it was so much fun.She nearly lost her breath and wanted to laugh.Felix's cheeks were ruddy and his sharp eyes were entirely focussed on his hands.His smile was wide; open.</p><p>
  <b> <em>I would</em> </b>
</p><p>They crashed into another chorus, Felix still somehow dividing his attention between singing and playing.It felt so good to have him accompanying her, their voices filling the room.Mia had never been so happy singing.</p><p>
  <em>I'd be so good to you</em>
</p><p>
  <b>I'd be good to you</b>
</p><p>
  <em>I'd be good to you</em>
</p><p>
  <b>I'd be good to you</b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I'd be so good to you</em> </b>
</p><p>Felix didn't hold the last note as long as Mia, and she closed her eyes as they finished.When she looked at him again, Felix was watching her shyly, under his eyelashes.He glanced away when she met his eyes.</p><p>There was so much Mia could say--that she'd enjoyed singing with him, how wonderful it had felt to hear his voice and share this moment, and that she wanted it to go on.She wanted to ask when he had been practicing and why he had chosen this song, and whether he had practiced any others.</p><p>Instead, Mia held her breath.Slowly, she leaned into him, resting against his shoulder.</p><p>***</p><p>Felix could not believe he had done that.He hadn't sung in years, and it had been even longer since he'd done it in front of other people.Just playing for Mia had been nerve-wracking enough, hoping that she would know the song and want to sing for him.Actually joining her--he hadn't thought he would be able to do it.But he had.Sneaking a look at Mia, she had seemed so content.</p><p>And then all she had done was lean against him, and the gesture seemed to say everything Felix needed to hear.</p><p>"Oh," he breathed.</p><p>He felt her exhale, slowly.Felix rested his palms on his thighs and let go of some of the tension in his chest.Mia tilted her head a little, to lean it on his shoulder.If Felix moved just a bit, his cheek brushed against the top of her head.</p><p>"I didn't know how that would go," Felix admitted.</p><p>"I loved it," Mia said, and Felix's heart thumped.It had just been the two of them.</p><p>"Every time I hear you sing, it's like I'm getting some kind of gift," Felix said, hating how inelegant it sounded.He wanted to convey so much more than that.</p><p>"I'm not that good," Mia said.</p><p>Felix pulled away, slightly, to look at her."That doesn't matter.It's--you may not--"he struggled to find the right phrasing."You're <em>honest</em>."It seemed that Mia was like that about everything.Her joy, her fear, her likes and dislikes and her writing and even Felix.</p><p>"Oh."She lifted her head from his shoulder to meet his eyes.He held her gaze, wondering if she felt seen, they way he did when her brown eyes stared into his.And God, they were beautiful in their darkness and small flecks of light.The rest of Mia was, too, from the natural shine of her hair and her flushed cheeks to the little bumps and freckles on her skin.She was so herself, and Felix felt anxious all of a sudden to be so near to her.</p><p>"I really am not enough," he said, thinking of the lyrics, the line that perhaps he should have been the one to sing.He didn't know if he could ever measure up.He was rough and sarcastic, in voice and heart.Whoever it was he wanted to be felt too far buried underneath everything.</p><p>Mia's lips pulled to one side."You are," she said, and Mia was honest.</p><p>Closing his eyes, Felix let his forehead drop a little, to rest against Mia's.Her breath smelled of coffee and breakfast.Where their skin touched, it was unbelievably warm. </p><p>"Felix?" Mia murmured.</p><p>He half-opened his eyes, to see her watching him with the same expression.Mia's smile grew.Felix mirrored her, unable to stop himself--not that he would have tried.Mia tilted her face just a bit, and their noses touched.She giggled, while Felix just marvelled at the closeness of her.He drank in the sensation of her skin rubbing against his, unconsciously nuzzling into her, himself.One of his hands slunk to the bench, clinging to it while the other clutched at his own thigh.</p><p>By the time their lips found each other, Felix's face was on fire.His whole body burned, an inferno of all the reasons why he could hesitate.They turned to ash and fell away as Mia's mouth moved against his, warm and cautious.Her lips were chapped and coffee-dry.</p><p>Mia twisted where she sat, and snaked a hand up around Felix's shoulder like she needed to hang onto him for balance.Maybe she did--Felix didn't think he could stand at the moment.They parted, gasping, and Mia laughed again.</p><p>"Wow," she said, her voice high-pitched."Is this okay?"</p><p>Felix laughed, too, breathless.He could only nod. </p><p>"I--" Mia took a shuddering breath, "this moment--I'm glad it's with you."</p><p>She knew how to make his heart sing, not just with her voice but her words.Though Felix had never thought that he could possibly make her feel the same, she had told him he was enough. </p><p>"As--" he began, still finding it difficult to speak, "As am I.Thank you."</p><p>Despite his stilted words, Mia shone with happiness.Felix sighed and brought his hand up to her cheek, brushing his fingertips over it.Carefully, watching for any sign that he should stop, Felix lightly kissed her again. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i've been daydreaming about the Duet for at least 2 months. the last three chapters in particular were very hard, because i was getting SO CLOSE to this scene and all i wanted was to share it. felt like we'd never reach this point. i was sooo tempted to be like, 'hey everyone why don't you take a moment to listen to Good To You--not the regular version. one with more Piano because i specifically want you to listen for that. maybe try the Director's Cut Bonus Track or a concert video where it's just him and the piano' but that would've given away my scheme...so i had to just race forward but then i kept ADDING chapters in between and i LOVE them but still!</p><p>i'm grateful for both italics and bold print and the fact that you can combine them TvT</p><p>and also...ajfgh listen i've spent over 130,000 words embarrassing Felix it's time for Rodrigue to get his<br/>i almost went over the top with a Dean Martin reference (how do you like your eggs in the morning?) but decided to try and keep it more subtle</p><p>the title and summary lyrics are again from 'While We're Young' by Marianas Trench</p><p>might as well let you know that (at the moment) there's 9 more major Plot Points in my notes that i need to string together into some coherency. that means that probably we can expect more than 52 chapters total ToT</p><p>i'm exhausted!! but so happy with what i wrote :3<br/>thanks again for all who have stuck with me this far! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as i did!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. once upon a time, i used to romanticize</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>oh wow i really am a Trencher</p><p>it's a new chapter but it feels a little like a new Chapter, eh?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia had never really imagined this kind of moment to be possible.She did not have a thriving social life.She did not feel particularly outgoing, or interesting, or attractive.Of course she had read and watched romances and <em>wished</em>, but she'd also accepted that it wasn't something she could <em>expect</em>.Before meeting Felix she had decided it wasn't something she even needed.</p><p>And it wasn't.She really didn't need this, but she did want it.She wanted the feeling of Felix near to her, the taste of too-strong coffee on his breath, the sight of his sharp features going soft just for her.</p><p>A small spark of guilt flickered in her chest for wanting.For a brief moment it illuminated her fears, the words <em>too fast</em>, and <em>you cannot trust this moment.</em>Mia pulled away from Felix, looking down.Their thighs were touching, pressed together.</p><p>"All right?" Felix asked, his voice coming out mangled.</p><p>Mia nodded.She glanced up at his eyes, and the way they searched her expression.If this moment couldn't be trusted, if he couldn't, then his face wouldn't be so worried.He wouldn't be so afraid of having overstepped. </p><p>"I think I'm just wondering how I got here," Mia admitted."And trying to catch up somehow."</p><p>"That's okay," Felix said.</p><p>"Do you feel that way, too?" Mia asked, quietly.</p><p>He looked at the piano keys."Something like it.It's not even bad--I just don't want to screw anything up."</p><p>It clicked to Mia.That was the point."We're supposed to," Mia said."We're <em>human</em>.And then we talk about it and figure out how not to do it again."</p><p>"Oh.Right.And we've already been doing that."</p><p>Mia smiled."Exactly.So, as long as we take our time and try to understand, then whatever happens, we deal with."</p><p>"So you've--'caught up', then?"</p><p>"Oh, God no," Mia laughed."But I feel better about it?Do you have any other songs to play for me?"</p><p>Felix opened his mouth to say something, but paused.His mind was clearly working."You want to sing more?"As though that would not have been obvious after how the first song had gone.</p><p>"It was fun," Mia insisted."Teamwork."</p><p>"All right.You should know this one a bit better."</p><p>Settling his hands over the keys, Felix inhaled, thought better of it, and pulled up something on his phone.He rested it in front of himself and <em>then</em> began to play.</p><p>Mia grinned, recognizing the high notes immediately.She hummed along to them, watching Felix's hands. </p><p>
  <em>Once upon a time</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I used to romanticize</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Used to be somebody, never mind</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't miss it that much now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think it's sinking in</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The days that I wonder where I've been</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In picture perfect porcelain</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I won't lose a pound</em>
</p><p>It was one of Mia's favourites to sing, and she wondered if he knew somehow, even though she hadn't sent it to him yet.She'd recorded it, but it had felt like the wrong time to share it.That wasn't the case anymore.</p><p>
  <b> <em>You say I would make a better liar</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I never face the music when it's dire</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>And I breathe disaster, Ever After</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Don't pull away from me now</em> </b>
</p><p>She was surprised that he backed her up on the vocals, but happily so.<em>Ever After</em> was a long, meandering song, the opening track on a bizarre concept album that came with a little fairy-tale story in the booklet.It wasn't the same without the violins in the background, but there was something special about singing it with Felix, his careful hands translating the notes and his voice joining her at times.</p><p>
  <em>I could be your perfect disaster</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You could be my Ever After</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Apologies, I'm not myself but I can guarantee</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That when I get back, you won't believe</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That you knew me well</em>
</p><p>Felix jumped in, startling Mia into temporary silence.</p><p>
  <b>Don't want to think about it</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I'm fuckin' tired of getting sick about it</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Now stand back up and be a man about it</b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>And fight for something, fight for something, fight for something</em> </b>
</p><p>By this point, both of them were more or less yelling.They shouted their way through the second chorus, and then Felix seemed to remember he had to keep playing the piano and jolted into the next segment.</p><p>
  <em>Nobody told ya this is gonna fold ya</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We go marching in like toy soldiers</em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>To have and hold ya oversold ya</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>They're marching like toy soldiers</em> </b>
</p><p>The song went quieter now, building up to a crescendo.</p><p>
  <em>Somehow don't, you dare fail, fail me now, Ever After</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Somehow don't, you dare fail, fail me now, Ever After</em>
</p><p>
  <b>Face the music when it's dire</b>
</p><p>
  <em>Somehow</em>
</p><p>
  <b>Face the music when it's dire</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Face the music when it's dire</b>
</p><p>
  <em>Somehow don't!You dare fail! </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Face the music when it's dire</b>
</p><p>
  <em>Fail me now! Ever After somehow!</em>
</p><p>Felix played a series of delicate, high piano notes, inhaling loudly through his teeth.</p><p>
  <em>Once upon a time</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This place was beautiful and mine</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But now it's just a bottom line</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Barely comes to mind</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But Ever After was mine</em>
</p><p>Mia held the note as long as she possibly could, not sure how she found it in her to scream the last lyrics.</p><p>
  <em>I'll be your disaster, Ever After</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So fire away</em>
</p><p>She waited for the last crashing notes, looked over and met Felix's eyes.His bangs had gotten a little wild, and his grin was open on one side.He nodded in time with the music and they both inhaled and <em>screamed</em>,</p><p>
  <b> <em>Goodbye</em> </b>
</p><p>Felix bent forward, turning his head away and laughing.Mia gasped for air in between her own giggles.The cats were nowhere to be seen, long frightened away by the noise they'd been making.Mia wouldn't call it singing.</p><p>"I think," Mia wheezed, "I think we're ready to go on tour!"</p><p>"No!" Felix shoved at her knee, and gave her a glimpse of his face, his eyes scrunched up in a smile.</p><p>"Can you do the <em>Astoria</em> scream?" Mia asked.</p><p>"Oh my God, Mia," Felix snickered."I don't actually sing along to these things, even when I'm alone."</p><p>"Well, you could've fooled me.Your timing was spot-on," Mia said.And asked again if he could do the scream.</p><p>He tilted his head back."We both know <em>you</em> can't." </p><p>Mia snorted, remembering her attempt on the drive up for New Year's."I bet I can do it better than you."</p><p>"We'll see," Felix said, arranging his hands on the keyboard again.His shoulders were still shaking a little."This is going to be so awful."</p><p>He played a couple of staccato paired notes, that Mia recognized from <em>End of an Era</em>.</p><p>
  <b>I'm in over my head</b>
</p><p>The scream built out of the last word, and Felix did it marvellously.He interspersed it with more piano, emphasizing each second that was probably making his voice raw.Then he had the gall to look over at Mia and replay the notes, as if to say 'now <em>you</em> try'.</p><p>She complied, unable to resist when he looked so very smug about the whole thing. </p><p>
  <em>I'm in over my head</em>
</p><p>Mia didn't have the lung capacity to draw it out for the full ten seconds.She broke off, a failure, to see that Felix was wearing the <em>most</em> satisfied smile she had ever seen. </p><p>"I win," Felix said, a little hoarse.</p><p>"You can't tell me you haven't practiced that," Mia accused.</p><p>Felix avoided her gaze."Don't be stupid."</p><p>"You scream along to <em>Astoria </em>when you're by yourself," Mia teased.</p><p>"No," Felix said.</p><p>"We're the same, you and I."</p><p>"Stop it!"</p><p>"Maybe you should start sending me a recording now and then."</p><p>"Should I?" Felix asked, looking mortified.</p><p>Mia laughed, bumping her shoulder against his."No, just this was enough for me.Thank you."</p><p>"Well," he said, and cleared his throat."I didn't know how else to--I don't know--make an impression."</p><p>"Oh?You seem to be very good at making impressions."</p><p>Felix covered his mouth with the back of his hand.His eyes shone."Okay--maybe--a statement, then."</p><p>Laughing softly, Mia agreed."I know.It means a lot to me, that you'd do this."</p><p>"Good.Because it means a lot to me, when I get your recordings," Felix said, putting what seemed to be extra sincerity into his voice, in case, Mia supposed, she hadn't understood that when he'd told her before.</p><p>"So what now?" Mia asked, resting her hands on her lap."I'm not singing for a bit after <em>that</em>.I'm no Josh Ramsay."</p><p>"Thank God for that," Felix said."And I think I need to apologize to Estoc.Then maybe we can think about going out to lunch or something."</p><p>Mia laughed."I'll have to bring a peace offering next time.And that sounds like it'll be fun.Special."</p><p>"Lunch with <em>me</em>?" Felix asked, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>Jostling him, Mia said, "Going out for lunch on your <em>birthday</em>.But yes, I'm sure lunch with you will feel special."</p><p>"If you tell the waiter that it's my birthday and they come out and sing to me I'll--" he stopped, going red.</p><p>"You'll stab me with your sword, I know," Mia said.</p><p>Felix curled forward, covering his mouth with the backs of both hands.His shoulders crunched forward, shaking.Mia realized too late that she had done it yet again, and rubbed his back, leaning against him.It was kind of adorable, seeing all the different ways Felix tried to stifle his laughter.</p><p>***</p><p>They went to the <em>Symposium</em> to eat, because there was one nearby in the retail zone close to where Felix lived.Mia had eaten there once, and had an appetizer, but she knew her brother liked to take his fiancee to it.</p><p>"I think Sunday is when they have their deal on cake, though," Mia said, as Felix held the door open for her with a quick motion of his hand, like this was an ordeal he wanted over and Mia was dragging her feet through the door.</p><p>"It doesn't matter," Felix said, following her inside."I'm not ordering <em>cake</em>."</p><p>"Oh, right."Mia thought of the 'spicy' cake emoji Annette had sent Felix via text and smiled. </p><p>The restaurant was about as busy as could be expected on a weekend, but there was a booth available for them.They sat across from each other and talked about the times they'd been to this place.</p><p>"The three of us--Ingrid, Sylvain, and I--we sometimes come here for one of our birthdays.Usually not Ingrid's because it's so close to New Year's, though."</p><p>"I've been here once with my mom--not this one, though," Mia clarified.</p><p>Felix snorted."I figured that."</p><p>"But my brother loves it for some reason."Mia did not add that she thought it was a sort of expensive place for him to be going on so many dates there.</p><p>"It's not terrible," Felix said.</p><p>They ordered their food and talked about Hurst for a little while, how his wedding plans were going and whether Mia would have any responsibility.</p><p>"You'll have to be in the wedding party," Felix said, pointing his fork at her.</p><p>"Oh I hope not."</p><p>"That's what happens.Ingrid had to be a bridesmaid at her brother's wedding."</p><p>Mia shook her head."How did that go?"</p><p>"She didn't look comfortable.But she got out of doing a speech because her other brother was the best man," Felix added with a shrug."You're the only sibling, right?"</p><p>"You're saying I'm going to have to write a speech," Mia said.</p><p>"You <em>are</em> a writer," Felix pointed out.</p><p>Mia took a large bite out of her panini.Swallowing, she said, "Whatever, they haven't asked me yet.So that's a problem for later.They haven't even sent the invitations."</p><p>"Never sent the cards?"</p><p>Mia rolled her eyes."Guess they're all still on the table."</p><p>The two of them shared a little laugh over that, and then Mia said, "I'm not sure what the point of a wedding even is, when they've been living together for like a year and a half."</p><p>"I don't follow," Felix said.</p><p>"I'm just saying, they're a couple.Everyone knows it.'God' knows it.Why spend a bunch of money and make a big deal about having a wedding and all that stress?"</p><p>"People like weddings," Felix said.</p><p>Mia stared at him. </p><p>"I'm not saying <em>I </em>like them," he said."They're stupid.But people like stupid."</p><p>"It's so dumb.The whole culture around it."</p><p>"I guess you have some thoughts," Felix said, smirking. </p><p>Mia stretched her legs under the table, accidentally kicking him."Sorry.I guess I do.But maybe let's not talk about that right now."</p><p>"All right," Felix said, looking amused.Did he <em>want</em> her to go on a rant about the wedding industry?About her mixed feelings towards tradition?</p><p>"It's just that people seem to care more about having a perfect wedding than they do about having a perfect marriage," Mia blurted."That and other things."</p><p>"Write me an essay for next time," Felix said. </p><p>Mia kicked him for real. </p><p>"You're so pissed about this!" Felix was grinning again."Is this what you sounded like when you ranted at the old man?"</p><p>"<em>Felix</em>," Mia pleaded.</p><p>"It's like when puffy little kittens growl when they eat," Felix said, coming right for Mia's life.</p><p>"It is <em>not</em> like that--"</p><p>"I guess if you shared your 95 theses on marriage when your brother announced his engagement, you won't have to worry about being in the bridal party."</p><p>Mia held up a finger that was a little greasy from her sandwich."I don't have 95 theses and I <em>didn't</em>, I was very polite."</p><p>"Right," Felix said.He didn't sound like he believed her at all.</p><p>"You said I was honest," Mia protested.</p><p>"That's how I know you were rude," Felix said."We're the same.You and I."</p><p>Mia laughed, and they continued eating in between little bouts of light conversation.It was a relief to change the topic from weddings to things Mia was more certain about. </p><p>Because if Mia was being honest, her brother's upcoming wedding making her thoughts turn bitter, paired with this budding relationship between her and Felix, was a little too much.There had always been plenty of time for the future, for finding who she was and what she wanted, and all of the sudden there seemed to be a deadline--made worse by the fact that Mia had no idea when that was.Her carefully-maintained status quo was changing, drying up like flowers in a vase. </p><p>"So Ingrid was thinking of buying this horse from a breeder in Alberta," Felix was saying.Mia willed herself to pay attention."She's been talking about that more than Ferdinand <em>and</em> more than the new burger place in Ailell.Says if she gets this animal she'll be guaranteed a spot on the national team."</p><p>"That would be amazing," Mia said.</p><p>"Yeah, it's her dream."</p><p>It must be nice to come close to a dream.Mia's thoughts had taken a decidedly cynical turn, which she had to do something about."Good for her.I hope it all works out for her."</p><p>"Me too," Felix said."I was thinking about your book," he added.</p><p>"Oh?" Mia asked, wishing she had more sandwich to hide behind, despite the ache of fullness in her stomach.</p><p>He nodded."Have you been talking to Bernie about revising?Publishing?"</p><p>"No, we haven't--I meant to, but," Mia trailed off.</p><p>"It's something to think about, anyway," Felix said."She's been doing it for a couple years now--marketing and all that.And I mean, you've seen her."</p><p>As if that was any kind of explanation."I guess?"</p><p>"I'm saying she's not confident about sharing her work or being social."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"So you should talk," Felix concluded. </p><p>Mia licked some beef grease off her thumb."All right.I'll see what she has to say.Maybe try thinking of some questions for her."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>It was interesting--and affirming--that Felix was still invested in her writing success even after NaNoWriMo had finished.Mia was reminded of Virion's advice, though.</p><p>"What about you?" she asked."What's your big dream?"</p><p>Felix stared through her, then glanced away."I never needed one."</p><p>"Oh.Never?"</p><p>"Well--not never.But--it's stupid," Felix said.</p><p>"I'm sure that it isn't."</p><p>Felix rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand.He didn't meet her eyes."It's too late for it, anyway."</p><p>"Maybe it isn't," Mia suggested.</p><p>He shot her a glare that made her startle backwards against the booth.It was the look she'd seen in his eyes on New Year's eve, hurt and cornered. </p><p>"Sorry," she mumbled."I won't bring it up again."</p><p>"It's fine," he said.He fidgeted with his fork, tapping it lightly on his plate."It's my fault."</p><p>"No, it isn't," Mia said.</p><p>He made a face, then softened."I just--I always wanted--"</p><p>Mia sipped on her water, her eyes finding the dessert menu.She reached out for it, turning it over absently.</p><p>"I used to practice fencing with Glenn," Felix said."I always said I'd be better than him.Someday."</p><p>That explained it.</p><p>"I'm sorry for bringing it up," Mia said.</p><p>"It's fine.It's been years."</p><p>Mia shook her head."It's--" she stopped herself from saying that it was obviously <em>not</em> fine, not wanting to make Felix feel any more vulnerable than he had to be, already."So.What do you want to do, now?I guess you're not really into the idea of dessert, but it's your--" she lowered her voice, not wanting to attract the attention of anyone who might start singing "--birthday, so I feel some cake should be eaten.By someone."</p><p>He'd been watching her, unsure, but combed through his bangs and managed a small smile."And you're volunteering to make that sacrifice?"</p><p>"If I must," Mia said, relaxing.</p><p>When the server came by their table again, Mia ordered a slice of chocolate cake. </p><p>"Would you like two forks?"</p><p>Felix crossed his arms and scowled."Not unless Mia plans on dual-wielding."</p><p>She snorted and translated with a simple, 'one is fine, thank you'.When her cake was brought out, Mia realized she had made a mistake.</p><p>"Oh, there's no way I can finish this."</p><p>"Don't expect any help from me."</p><p>Mia struggled through about a third of the slice."I can't do it.It's so good though.Not sweet at all."</p><p>"Uh-huh."</p><p>"Try a bite."</p><p>"You're so annoying," Felix said, but Mia didn't miss the fondness in his tone.</p><p>"One bite, no frosting.You're tempted."</p><p>"Just take it home and finish it later.It's not hard."</p><p>"I'm not asking you to finish it," Mia said."Just a taste.Because it's a day."</p><p>"Shut up," Felix hissed, but held his hand out for the fork.Mia passed it to him, feeling justified by sharing her suffering.He carved out the tiniest piece of cake and looked at it sadly, like it was a raw toad and not a moist, delicious devil's food delight.Sighing, resignation writ upon his face, Felix put the forkful in his mouth.He slid the utensil out between his lips and <em>grimaced</em>.</p><p>"Was that so terrible?" Mia asked.</p><p>He tapped the edge of her plate with the fork."I don't know how people eat this.Yes it was terrible."</p><p>"I can manage one more bite, and then I'll be ready to go," Mia said.</p><p>"Hm," Felix said, still holding the fork.Crinkling his nose, he dug it into the cake and held it up for Mia.</p><p>All the blood in her body rushed to her face."I'm going to die," she said."You're going to kill me."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>Mia worried that if she opened her mouth, her heart would leap out of it.Felix leaned forward, clearly pleased with his revenge, and Mia realized that she had to face the music.Her stomach protesting, Mia opened her mouth and let Felix feed her the chunk of cake.It was a strange feeling, not nearly as romantic as Mia had once pictured the gesture.She barely managed to swallow, and glared at Felix as best as she could considering her blush.</p><p>"There, and you're still breathing," Felix said, his own cheeks dusted with pink.</p><p>"Yes, yes, now let's get out of here!"Mia pushed the plate away and hid her face.</p><p>Felix laughed quietly.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>aaaaaahhhh i did not know how to follow the previous chapter so i defaulted to. ya know. MTrench. it's fine though i'm just here to have fun! i also really like Ever After!</p><p>if you want to hear the Astoria scream as depicted in this chapter look for it in 'End of an Era' at around the 5:44 mark. i don't know what else to say</p><p>also 'we never sent the cards, they're all still on the table' is a reference to Dearly Departed by, you guessed it, the trench boys</p><p>Anyway as you may have guessed all song references in the title and chapter are by Marianas Trench it's just one of those weeks i guess</p><p>I hope this wasn't too all over the place, especially the second half, where my mind was just bouncing from one train of thought to the next. i would've had more cats in here but certain characters ended up scaring them off :/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. about to crack, defences breaking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hurst differs from Holst in that he actually shows his face</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So what's new with Mia," Hurst said, his voice monotone.He and his fiancee were visiting for the weekend, much to the irritation of their mother, who had had to plan meals and do a whirlwind clean-up of loose papers and miscellany.</p><p>It was rare for anything to be new with Mia.It was why Hurst turned to his blank Eeyore-voice with his question, because usually Mia would look up from her laptop, grimace, and say, 'nothing'.</p><p>She had only barely told her parents that she was dating Felix.At first it had been because neither of them had been certain that was what they were doing, or wanted, but it had become pretty clear over Felix's birthday weekend.Mia didn't often e-mail her brother or message him and certainly never called.She hadn't known how to go about saying, 'guess what, I'm dating a swordsman!'</p><p>She had known she would tell her brother about her relationship with Felix when they saw each other this weekend.She had planned it.Still, she felt woefully under-prepared.</p><p>"I may have--a boyfriend," Mia said, thinking about kissing Felix on the piano bench after singing a duet and that it was kind of more certain than that.</p><p>"What!You?" Hurst's countenance changed in an instant.He sat down on the edge of the couch and stared, wide eyed and a little wild-haired.He'd gotten their dad's waves and at a certain length it flipped up like wings.</p><p>Mia shut her laptop and brought her legs up to her chest, hugging the tech."Yes, me.Is it really harder to believe than you having a fiancee?"</p><p>"Maybe!But still!Is he your cat friend from the cottage?"</p><p>"Yeah," Mia said.</p><p>Hurst's fiancee, Tris, entered the living room, took in Mia's curled posture and Hurst's excitement, and immediately knew something was up.</p><p>"Hey, Mia.What's going on?"</p><p>"Mia's got a boyfriend!" Hurst exclaimed. </p><p>Tris' attention snapped to Mia, though she looked less surprised than her fiancé had."Really?"</p><p>Mia nodded, and Hurst said that it was 'the cat guy from up North'.</p><p>"Ooh, so what's he like?" Tris asked.</p><p>"He's thoughtful," Mia said, slowly.</p><p>Hurst made a long, childish sound."What does he do?"</p><p>"He does security for a big hockey star."</p><p>Tris had the important questions."When did you start dating?"While Hurst complained that Mia hadn't told them until two months had passed, Tris shushed him and asked what he and Mia did together.</p><p>Mia's brain went perfectly blank, except for 'we both like the same shitty Vancover-based pop-punk symphonic rock band'.</p><p>"Have you gone on many dates?" Tris tried a different angle.</p><p>This Mia could answer--she talked about the antique store--a place Hurst and Tris were familiar with and fond of visiting, themselves--and a little bit about the weekend before.Minus the singing, of course.</p><p>"Wait, he didn't even <em>tell you</em> it was his birthday?" Tris asked.</p><p>"It didn't come up--maybe he thought it would be weird to mention.He's not hurting so it's not like he can use any gifts."</p><p>"You're saying you're dating a rich kid?" Hurst leaned forward.</p><p>Mia tried to hide her face."Maybe?I did say he protects a big hockey star?"Whom she had happened to meet, who happened to be huge and earnest and in possession of Llamaface.</p><p>"You still need to give him something," Tris said."Something so he knows you do care."</p><p>"You <em>do</em> care, right?"</p><p>Mia extended one leg to feebly kick her brother."I was thinking I'd make him something with wire."</p><p>"Would he, uh, appreciate that?" Hurst asked.</p><p>"I was thinking a little sword?" Mia said.</p><p>"Swords are awesome!Can you make little swords?"</p><p>They were back on better ground.Mia nodded.She had been working on a design since December--it wasn't perfect, but it was coming along.She was much closer to making them look like swords and not tiny crosses.If she could make an estoc, she was sure she'd have the perfect gift for Felix.</p><p>"I want a sword," Hurst said.</p><p>"Don't we all?" Mia asked, and Tris looked like she might argue but eventually nodded in agreement.</p><p>"You'll have to show us how they turn out," she said.If Mia was lucky, then she might be commissioned for Hurst's birthday gift.</p><p>Mia said that she definitely would."I was thinking of it being a keychain.So I need to go out for some thicker wire but that's fine.Felix loves swords so I'll have to do some special research."</p><p>"Felix!" Hurst sang, exaggerating the first syllable.</p><p>"Heloves--swords?" Tris asked.</p><p><em>Not in a weird way</em>, Mia wanted to say, but remembered the stash in his armoire, and the one under the bed, and the racks of them on the wall."He does fencing," she said.</p><p>"Maybe he can teach you some, wouldn't that be awesome!" Hurst said.</p><p>The image of Mia holding a sword and Felix guiding her hand as he stood behind her--pressed up against her back--flashed through her mind."Uh-huh."</p><p>Awesome.</p><p>She hadn't asked Felix if he'd ever show her how to fence though, because he was perhaps too serious about it.She doubted he wanted a casual student.He would much prefer an <em>opponent</em>, like Lon'qu.Or his brother. </p><p>"So when are we going to meet <em>Felix</em>?" Hurst asked, still sing-song and childish.</p><p>"I don't know.Mom and Dad already have."</p><p>"They never said anything!"</p><p>"I guess they thought I should be the one to tell you," Mia said.</p><p>"Are you in <em>love</em>?" Hurst asked, and she supposed it was a fair question.By the time they'd heard about Tris, Hurst had been so besotted that he couldn't talk about anything else.It had been nothing short of exhausting.</p><p>Mia sighed."I don't know.I've never done this."</p><p>"Neither did I," Hurst pointed out.</p><p>Hurst had always been better at people, though.Mia had been the one who watched from a distance, who let conversations with old friends die.This was different, but that didn't mean it was love.But since she was so uncertain, she felt that the answer was probably 'no'.</p><p>"How did <em>you</em> know, then?"</p><p>"Tris is just the best," Hurst said, staring soppily at his fiancee.Mia could not picture such an expression on Felix's face. </p><p>His did soften, though, when he looked at her.After they'd kissed.When she said that she wanted to sing again.He had told her about his brother, and his broken dreams, even when it had to hurt him to.</p><p>"Hurst is a goofball," Tris said."We didn't want to do things apart.Even big family traditions like Christmas and stuff.We wanted to bring each other along."</p><p>"Huh," Mia said.She didn't know if she'd really want to invite Felix to a big family gathering or holiday or anything.Felix didn't love groups--that much had been clear when they'd run into the Shepherds the first time.Even among his own circle of friends, Felix seemed to prefer interacting from a distance.</p><p>Still, he had included her in New Year's, and his birthday.Like everything up to this point, had that been a statement?Did he expect Mia to invite him along?With a start, she realized that she already had, first by including him in her NaNoWriMo journey at all, and then asking him to go to the closing party with her.And he'd agreed.</p><p>"He's nice, though?" Hurst asked, going serious for a blessed moment.</p><p>Mia nodded."Yeah.He is.He makes sure I feel safe.  I really--" she didn't know why she felt she had to say this, but she did, it was important and she wanted to "--I really like being with him."</p><p>"Then that's a good start," Hurst said.</p><p>Tris agreed."It'll be worth finding out what happens next."</p><p>***</p><p>That weekend, Felix received several messages from Lon'qu about more potential meetings.Elation flooded him.Finally, a decent partner, after years of unenthusiastic university students and a jaded instructor who lacked Felix's drive to improve.Lon'qu was skilled, and smart, and had also been studying him.Despite his loss, he wanted to try again--with Felix's weapon of choice this time.This tasted like the start of a rivalry, the kind of competition Felix hadn't experienced since Glenn.</p><p>His heart fell.</p><p>Felix bit down hard on his knuckle, closing his eyes and trying to force his thoughts away from things that he'd never know.Lon'qu wasn't Glenn.Beating him wasn't ever going to mean what Felix wanted it to.</p><p>Felix rubbed his thumb over Estoc's ears.He'd been so <em>happy</em> about this.Now he felt hollow, guilty.He remembered poring over books with Glenn, talking enthusiastically about flamberges.He remembered losing, again and again, never quite fast enough, or strong enough.When Mia had said that maybe there was still time for his dream, it had hurt.She hadn't known, but she'd made him miss Glenn, and hard, in the middle of a restaurant and he'd had to pretend that he didn't.Thankfully, she hadn't pressed--she never did, but maybe if she did, then Felix would tell her things and then she <em>would</em> know, but none of it mattered because it was over and now she did. </p><p>As Felix struggled to decide what to be bothered about, his phone buzzed again, this time a message from Dimitri.</p><p> </p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Hello Felix! I was thinking about everyone getting together for your birthday. Do you already have plans made?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> obv no</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Well I have an idea! We should go to the R.O.M. Like we used to!</p><p><b>Felix:</b> no</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> I haven't been in years! It would be so much fun. Please? It's been forever since we all went out like that.</p><p> </p><p>Felix groaned.This was not what he had in mind.He'd thought that his friends would stop by, bring beer and take-out, eat, sing, and then leave.Dimitri was proposing an <em>outing</em>.It would be a nightmare. </p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> u kn h much effort to orgnaz?</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> I'll take care of everything! So what do you think?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> when did u think wed do this</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Maybe mid-March?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> thts march brk</p><p><b>Felix:</b> th w be so mny kids</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Before that then? The Monday before?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> no th w b class trips</p><p><b>Dimitri:</b> Let's talk about this.</p><p> </p><p>"No no no, don't call, don't call," Felix muttered, tightening his hand in Estoc's fur.She rolled over and swatted at his fingers, then slithered onto the carpet.</p><p>The message popped up that Dimitri wanted to video chat.Resigned, Felix accepted the call and his fate.</p><p>He was gifted the image of Dimitri sitting at his heavy desk, Llamaface perched on his lap.He stroked her with one hand.</p><p>"Why are you holding the cat like that.You look like a Bond villain."</p><p>
  <em>"She's my Princess, she wants to see you!"</em>
</p><p>"God--"</p><p>
  <em>"When's the last time you went to the Royal Ontario Museum?"</em>
</p><p>"It's the ROM.You can just say ROM," Felix spat."I don't know.High school."</p><p><em>"See!And there won't be too many classes and we'll be a large group, ourselves,"</em> Dimitri said.Llamaface watched the camera with critical yellow eyes.</p><p>"It'll be a madhouse."</p><p><em>"There's no time that it will be empty,"</em> Dimitri pointed out.<em>"If we went on a weekend it would be packed."</em></p><p>"Okay," Felix conceded."And what about security?"</p><p>
  <em>"You'll be there!"</em>
</p><p>Felix hated video chats above all other things.He could feel Dimitri staring at him, and the presence of his own face in the corner of his screen was a constant reminder of how he couldn't keep from breaking eye contact.</p><p>"I thought I was supposed to be celebrating, not working."</p><p>
  <em>"Dedue can join us!"</em>
</p><p>Dimitri sure had warmed up to Dedue.Felix thought about asking, and decided this conversation was already going to be long enough.</p><p>"You're going to be recognized.People will try and take your picture."</p><p>
  <em>"Hmm, you're right.But I have to be able to go out.And maybe it'll be good to show that I care about culture and--"</em>
</p><p>"Yes, yes, okay, fine," Felix said.He did not want one of Dimitri's speeches, he could not <em>handle</em> a speech right now.</p><p>
  <em>"I could wear an eyepatch!I still have one from Hallowe'en a few years back."</em>
</p><p>"That'll make it worse," Felix groaned.He rubbed his face. </p><p><em>"Okay,"</em> Dimitri laughed, <em>"but I can ask your dad about what kind of security I might need, although if there's only students and they're focussed on their tours it should be fine."</em></p><p>"I guess," Felix said.</p><p>
  <em>"Do you not want to go?I just thought it would be fun."</em>
</p><p>Felix knew.Dimitri had already said so.And, against his better judgement, Felix was tempted.It really had been a long time since he'd gone <em>anywhere</em> that wasn't for work.The last thing had been the antique store with Mia, and it had felt like a museum in a twisted way.That had been fun.</p><p>"That's not it," Felix said."I don't know.It could be."</p><p><em>"I don't want you to feel obligated to say yes,"</em> Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."When have I ever done anything out of obligation?"</p><p><em>"I thought you only went to every party and get-together out of obligation,"</em> Dimitri said.</p><p>"Maybe."</p><p>
  <em>"So you don't have to, because it's your birthday.You can think about it.I won't mention it to anyone until you decide."</em>
</p><p>"Okay," Felix said."I guess it's--I'm--okay.Fine.If you want to organize this and I don't have to do any work then fine.Let's do this."</p><p>
  <em>"Really?Oh!Shall I invite Mia through the cat chat Sylvain set up or do you want to?"</em>
</p><p>"Mia?" Felix felt incredibly stupid, especially with Dimitri grinning at him like a happy golden retriever.</p><p><em>"Yes, Mia.You're still dating, right?"</em> His face fell.<em>"Did something happen?Oh--Felix--if I said something stupid I'm so sorry--"</em></p><p>"We're still dating," Felix snapped, before Dimitri could descend deeper into apologetic panic."It's fine.I just--she was there on my actual birthday."</p><p>
  <em>"Yes, but I thought it might be nice to include her in our group.She could always drive down with Ingrid.Right?"</em>
</p><p>This had not occurred to Felix, but then, he was not at his sharpest at the moment.He sat up a little and rubbed at his forehead with his free hand."Uh, yeah.I guess that would work."</p><p><em>"So that brings me to who I should invite,"</em> Dimitri said, and let go of Llamaface for a moment to find a slip of paper.He read out the potential guest list, and Felix zoned out for most of it.His attention was split between Llamaface's glare, Estoc battling the leg of the couch, the logistics of Dimitri in a busy public location, and what exhibits might be shown at the museum.</p><p>
  <em>"Is there anyone I'm missing?Or anyone I should leave out?"</em>
</p><p>"No, you got everyone," Felix said, because he was sure that Dimitri, of all people, would never forget any of his friends. </p><p>
  <em>"Excellent!Can I ask how your weekend with Mia went?If it's all right with you."</em>
</p><p>"Uh, yeah.It was good." </p><p>
  <em>"What does your dad think of her?"</em>
</p><p>Felix thought of Mia's accidental innuendos and the corner of his mouth twitched."She made an impression." </p><p>
  <em>"Oh, no!A good one?"</em>
</p><p>"A powerful one," Felix said, almost smirking by mistake.His eyes flicked to Dimitri's face, which was all fondness.The blond brought his hand around to Llamaface's chest and rubbed circles in her fur, just waiting for Felix to choose whether he wanted to say more.</p><p>"Dimitri?"</p><p>
  <em>"Yes?"</em>
</p><p>Felix couldn't cover his face with just the one hand."It's really weird."</p><p>
  <em>"What is?"</em>
</p><p>So much of it.The fact that Felix kept thinking about her, or that he would ever want to put his mouth near another human being.It was weird how she looked for him, how she backed off when he showed discomfort, how her voice made him feel safe when work made him feel stressed.Hell, she made <em>him</em> want to sing--and he had, and he hadn't burst into flames.</p><p>It was such a relief, that Dimitri accepted his silence as an answer.<em>"I'm happy for you.You deserve to have someone you want to spend time with."</em></p><p>"Thank you," Felix whispered, probably too quietly for his phone to pick up.He cleared his throat."I think--I'm--maybe looking forward to this ROM day.I hope we all can make it."</p><p>
  <em>"Me, too!I know Ashe's schedule is pretty busy but he does have someone who usually can cover for him, and Mercedes and Annette--"</em>
</p><p>Dimitri chatted on, and Felix found himself agreeing with him about how the others might enjoy it, and he realized that this wasn't an attempt to reverse time.They'd gained so many friends since the last time Felix had ever done anything like this for his birthday.It would be nothing like those early days.When Dimitri finally ran out of things to say and said goodbye, Felix marked the date on his calendar.Then, he reopened his conversation with Lon'qu, agreeing to meet up near the end of March for another duel. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for 1k hits!! What a ride it's been so far!</p><p>so i made more work for myself but it's going to be FUN! i seem to remember saying something along the lines of 'I am Done with crowd scenes for the foreseeable future!'<br/>well i hadn't foreseen them going to the ROM! wish me Luck!</p><p>I had never planned on Hurst's fiancee making an appearance but now i had to go and give her a name and everything aksdjhg i hope she's satisfied! watch in about ten chapters i'll realize Tris is like one letter away from an existing 3houses character</p><p>the title is from ABBA's 'Under Attack' and it's not the ideal song for this chapter but i can't think of a better one. :p i want to post NOW</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. we could run away, get outta here</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felix's birthday with friends</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's a museum, so there are some taxidermy animals and skulls described--not in great detail but I just thought I'd give it a mention.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maybe Felix should have paid better attention to Dimitri's potential guest list.He held the collar of his coat in front of his throat and watched his breath mist in the air as yet <em>another</em> portion of their group arrived in front of the museum--this one containing Dimitri, Dedue, <em>Sweetpea</em>, and a pair of 'nondescript' security guards.</p><p>"Felix!" Dimitri said, grinning like a wolf.The effect was worsened by the ridiculous, plasticky eyepatch covering his right eye."Is everyone here?"</p><p>"I hate you," Felix said.</p><p>Just over his shoulder, Rodrigue gasped."Felix!Dimitri went to the trouble of organizing this whole--"</p><p>"I <em>know</em>," Felix rolled his eyes, "F--I <em>know</em>.I'm talking about the stupid eyepatch that I told him <em>not</em> to wear."</p><p>Of course, Dimitri was laughing behind his curled hand."Do you think I'd be recognized like this?"</p><p>"It literally draws attention--like I said it would, like--"</p><p>"I'm sorry, Felix, it was intended to be a joke," Dimitri said, reaching up to pull the patch off.</p><p>"Jackass," Felix muttered. </p><p>"Rodrigue, hello," Dimitri said, smile widening even further at Felix's insult."Ingrid--how was the drive?This must be Ferdinand!"</p><p>The group of them--sixteen friends and three security guards including Rodrigue--crowded the sidewalk and Felix wished that they could just go inside now that they were all here.As was usual for early March, there seemed to be a threat of snow hanging in the air.It was grey and dank and smelled awful.Worse, a pair of garish school buses pulled up to the curb.</p><p>Felix clutched his jacket with just the one hand, pulling it higher to cover his mouth, and put his other fist in his pocket.He shifted his weight from one foot to another, wondering if it would be too conspicuous to move a little closer to Mia.There hadn't been much time to greet each other when she'd arrived along with Ingrid, Ferdinand, Leonie, <em>and</em> Marianne, but at least no one in that group had been inclined to embarrass Felix when he'd accepted a hug from his girlfriend. </p><p>Dimitri was introducing Sweetpea to the group, as excited as a kindergartener with a new best friend.Sweetpea nodded solemnly at every name--in such a position, Felix would be promptly forgetting each one.The coach, however, was different.Though they appeared forgetful and detached, Sweetpea paid more attention than Felix usually liked.</p><p>As the school bus doors opened and children began pouring out, Rodrigue took charge.He ushered the group inside, the way he had when he'd chaperoned Felix's childhood birthday outings.It was irritating and nostalgic and Felix bristled when his father's hand brushed his shoulder.For a moment, everything and everyone was too up close and tight and Felix regretted agreeing to this.</p><p>Then, they were inside the large entryway of the museum, with Dimitri leading the way to the reception desk.Everyone clustered around it, an overwhelming enough group without the inclusion of a major hockey celebrity in their midst, or the two school buses of students entering behind them in a cacophony of young voices.</p><p>Felix found himself pressed in between Mercedes and Leonie, with Mia just in front of him and his old man behind.He unzipped his coat and waited.</p><p>The receptionist processed them with what had to be record-breaking efficiency, for which Felix was grateful.They checked their coats and scarves, and then they were free to explore the museum.</p><p>"I haven't been here in ages," Mia was saying to Annette.</p><p>"Me neither, last time was when they had those gross skinless bodies," Annette said."We had to go for school."</p><p>"Yuck," Mia said, because apparently Felix was dating someone who used that word.She turned around to face him, walking backwards a few steps.She had a small bag slung over her shoulder and was wearing a denim jacket.She wore one ring, mostly dark with a few copper beads that caught the light."When's the last time you were here?"</p><p>"High school.Clay soldiers," Felix said.</p><p>Mia smiled, like it was the answer she had been expecting. </p><p>"Where are we going first?" Mia asked.</p><p>"I just wanna look at some fucking dinosaur bones!" Annette declared.</p><p>To her left, Rodrigue flinched."Miss Dominic, there are schoolchildren present," he said, a hint of defeat in his voice.</p><p>"Hey!Ashe is a grown-ass adult," Annette protested.</p><p>"No--" Rodrigue sighed heavily, looking for an escape.</p><p>Hearing his name, Ashe craned his neck to see the mass of students gathering in the entrance."He meant the kids over there, I think."</p><p>"Oh!Sorry.I'll make sure I'm quiet enough they won't hear me," Annette promised.</p><p>"Or you could mind your language," Rodrigue suggested.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes.When he and Dimitri had talked about Dedue going along as a member of the friend group, rather than an employee, he hadn't expected the replacement to be the old man.It had almost been enough to make him call off the whole outing.</p><p>"It's an option!I'll consider it," Annette said.</p><p>"Is judging my friends part of the job today?" Felix demanded, and Rodrigue grimaced. </p><p>"No--I'm just watching Dimitri.Pretend I'm not here."</p><p>Felix snorted, and tried to do just that.</p><p>The group made their way up the stairs around the famous totem pole, not really having a chance to appreciate it in their haste to leave the cluster of students behind them.On the second level were large, taxidermy animals that drew their attention.Ingrid brought out her phone to take pictures, clearly still in the mindset of her university days studying livestock anatomy.Ferdinand stuck close to her side, appreciating the size of a bison and tucking his long hair behind an ear.He put one hand on Ingrid's lower back, and she looked up at him and smiled.</p><p>"I've said it before, and I'll say it again," Sylvain said, at Felix's shoulder, "all of Ingrid's friends are so hot."</p><p>"I thought you said they were cool," Felix corrected him.</p><p>Ingrid looked over her shoulder."Sylvain, don't flirt with Mia and Felix in front of each other."</p><p>Sylvain choked on a laugh and Felix looked off to a far corner, where a long-deceased polar bear stood.From the corner of his eye, he saw Mia coughing politely into her fist, her cheeks pinkish.</p><p>"Ingrid!" Ferdinand gasped.She laughed, and when Felix glanced at them he saw that the sound had made a radiant grin break out on Ferdinand's face.</p><p>"I don't see why I shouldn't," Sylvain said, recovering easily from Ingrid's comment, "when they're not even holding hands or anything."</p><p>Elbowing him, Felix wished he was still wearing his coat and able to hide his burning face."Shut up."He settled with turning away from the group as though very interested in sea otters.</p><p>Mia joined him, and she actually did read the information card.Felix had rammed his fists into his pockets and glanced at her, sidelong.She hummed with interest and then looked at Felix.</p><p>It was an ordeal.He was regretting this, submitting himself to people and teasing and the feeling of his father's presence looming behind them.This was supposed to be <em>his</em> day, <em>his</em> birthday outing where everything was for Felix."Stop it."</p><p>"Oh, is eye-contact considered PDA?" Mia asked, and though her tone wasn't mocking in the least Felix still felt like he was being made fun of.</p><p>"Don't be stupid."Felix winced at his own tone."I'm just--"</p><p>"No worries," Mia said when he didn't go on."They're bigger than I thought.Sea otters.Huge."</p><p>Felix swallowed, and nodded."Yeah."He felt Sylvain and probably Dimitri pressing up behind them for a closer look.Sylvain leaned over Mia to read about the sea otter, probably inhaling her herbal shampoo-smell. </p><p>"Big boys," Sylvain said, of the otters."Absolute chunks.Thicc, even."</p><p>Mia rolled her eyes."So you're going to start flirting with the dead otter, now?"</p><p>Felix snorted, worrying that he'd somehow sprayed saliva all over a priceless museum artifact.Looking over at Mia, she was smiling at his reaction as though she didn't realize what she had just said out loud.</p><p>"Of course not," Sylvain pouted. "How could you think that of me?"</p><p>"Right, I forgot to tell you," Felix said, as the group moved on to the next display--game birds like pheasants and grouse-- "Sylvain's abstaining from sex, since getting Ruin."</p><p>Mia looked up at Sylvain, who rubbed the back of his neck.He groaned."Don't just blurt it out like that!There's kids in the museum!"</p><p>"He's right," Dimitri said.</p><p>"Sorry <em>dad</em>," Felix sneered.</p><p>Mia giggled."How's it going for you?Abstinence?"</p><p>Sighing dramatically, Sylvain laced his fingers behind his head."It's tortuous."</p><p>"You told me you felt better than you have in ages," Dimitri pointed out.</p><p>They moved along, Dimitri and Sylvain bickering.A large bison stood against a far wall.Marianne was observing it, looking sad.</p><p>"You can go back to the stairs," Felix said, looking over his shoulder meaningfully only to be met by the sight of the old man."There's another exhibit there to look at."</p><p>"It's fine," Marianne said, her voice small."I've seen plenty of dead animals in vet school--and at work."</p><p>Mercedes nodded from Marianne's right."That's right, and you're very brave to keep helping the animals.And at least these ones have been preserved beautifully, and they're still cared for with respect."</p><p>Felix bit his lip, thoughts turning involuntarily to Villain and, by extension, Glenn.He resisted the urge to check behind him again, to see if his father was listening or forming an opinion of his own.</p><p>"Have you ever worked with bison?" Mia asked Marianne.</p><p>Marianne shook her head, but told them about a dairy farm she had worked on over the course of a summer."They aren't nearly as big.Cows have such gentle eyes."</p><p>The focus turned to the information that was presented alongside the animals.Felix skimmed over it at first, then read it more intently.The exhibit was about biodiversity and endangered species, how settlers had damaged the ecosystem, and programs that were currently attempting to restore it.</p><p>As they walked further--past a wall of skulls entirely made up of horned and antlered specimens--the theme went from currently-endangered animals to those already extinct.</p><p>"I think your fucking dinosaur bones are coming up soon," Leonie said to Annette.</p><p><em>Someone</em> cleared their throat from the edge of the room.Felix rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to swear very loudly on purpose.While there weren't any schoolkids on their floor at the moment, there were other museum patrons as well as staff.Getting kicked out of the museum didn't sound fun.</p><p>"Excellent, I'm going to need one of you to take a picture of me being eaten by one!"</p><p>Leonie <em>guffawed</em>, and tugged an unsuspecting Bernadetta closer."You brought your camera, eh, Bernie?Mind taking some Zombie Jurassic Park shots for us?"</p><p>"Leonie!" Bernadetta squeaked.</p><p>"Oh, sorry!I forgot the bubble," Leonie released Bernadetta, sheepishly."No pressure, okay?"</p><p>Bernadetta had her hand over her heart, and was clearly breathing very, very deliberately.Felix listened in even as he brought his phone out to snap a picture of the wall of skulls--which rivalled his wall of swords in terms of variety.</p><p>"It's fine!I knew it was one of us since we're a big group, just--don't do it again.Please?"</p><p>"Of course," Leonie promised.</p><p>It wasn't often Bernadetta smiled when she wasn't greeting one of Felix's cats, but she did so now--although it was more out of relief than anything else.Still, Felix felt his own shoulders relax as she, Leonie, and Annette raced ahead to find some 'fucking dinosaur bones'.</p><p>"Which is your favourite?" Mia asked, at Felix's left.She gestured to the wall of skulls."I think I like the moose, though the pronghorn is pretty cool.I did a project on them in elementary school so I know a bit about them."</p><p>"Yeah?Tell me a fact."</p><p>"They're the fastest North American mammals and they don't jump fences, they crawl under them and get stuck.Which, you know.It's our fault for putting fences.So, which <em>ungulate</em> do you prefer?"</p><p>Snorting, Felix looked up at the skulls."The elk."He pointed out the heavy, smooth antlers."It's elegant."</p><p>"Like a sword?" Mia asked, smirking.</p><p>He'd be lying if he denied it, so he shrugged.</p><p>"I get that it's educational," Dorothea was saying behind them, "I'm just not a fan of this display, personally.It's macabre."</p><p>"That's understandable," came Sweetpea's flat voice.</p><p>"I guess they're pretty impressive when you think of how heavy those horns must be," Dorothea said, reading about <em>ungulates</em>."The bighorn sheep especially."</p><p>"When I get a set of horns it will be that of the impala," Sweetpea said.</p><p>Felix spun around to see that surely, this time, the coach was joking.They did not seem to be.</p><p>"Wh-<em>when</em>?" Dorothea repeated.</p><p>"In due time," Sweetpea said, absently.They peered up at a caribou skull."Both cows and bulls of the caribou wear antlers.I respect that."</p><p>"Me, too," Mia agreed.</p><p>Sweetpea looked down at her--Felix hadn't really realized how tall they were until just now--and <em>almost</em> smiled."We only somewhat met outside."</p><p>"Yes, I'm Mia, and you're Dimitri's coach," Mia recapped, and Felix was once again reminded that she really didn't care about hockey at all. </p><p>"I have two senior cats," Sweetpea said.</p><p>"Really?What kind of antlers would they have?"Even Mia looked startled by her own question.</p><p>Sweetpea <em>might</em> have frowned."That's a good question.Normally I think of what flowers they'd wear as crowns."They pulled their phone from a baggy pocket, and brought up a picture of a sandy, long-haired, flat-faced old cat with narrow yellow eyes.Felix, Mia, and Dorothea crowded closer to stare in awe."Peek Frean--" Sweetpea pointed without looking up from their phone to the skull of a giraffe "--to look like a space-alien.And Sandwich--"</p><p>"Peek Frean and Sandwich," Mia breathed, as Sweetpea flicked their thumb to reveal Sandwich.Everyone jumped back a little at the sight of him, a jowly old man cat with one cloudy eye and ears that had at some point been mangled.</p><p>"--Sandwich gets the ibex."They moved their finger, again not looking, to the goat skull with huge, backward-arched horns.</p><p>"Devilish," Dorothea said, her voice barely quaking.</p><p>"Fits him," Felix shrugged.</p><p>Sweetpea pocketed their phone."I don't know what you mean."</p><p>Again, their tone was absolutely flat.Felix backed off, especially now that there was no excuse to be standing in a clump, and shook his head.</p><p>"Shall we move on?" Mia suggested.</p><p>The four of them merged with the group that included Dimitri, Dedue, and Ashe, and then Sweetpea drifted away to stare--mournfully?--at a stuffed platypus.Mercedes and Marianne joined them and then Ashe bounced away to pose with Annette and Leonie in front of dinosaur skeletons.</p><p>"You <em>have</em> to read the information cards, otherwise there's no <em>point</em> to coming out here," Lysithea argued from behind them, as Sylvain tried to keep her from falling behind.</p><p>"Snap a picture and read it later," Sylvain offered, casually, in a tone that replaced 'read it later' with 'forget about it forever'.</p><p>"Just because <em>your</em> schedule is as empty as your head, doesn't mean I have time for that!"</p><p>"You don't have time for it <em>now</em>," Sylvain pointed out.</p><p>Felix stopped somewhat behind the main group in front of another display, and being unable to see it clearly with the others in front of him, cast his gaze around the room.A small cluster of students was dashing from one display to the next, notebooks open.Were they doing some kind of scavenger hunt?Felix's eye fell on his old man, covering one exit and very obviously not looking at anything in the exhibit.Their gazes met and Felix scowled.</p><p>"I need a picture of Felix being eaten by the T-Rex!" Annette shouted.</p><p>"No," he said, even though she was halfway across the room and had no way of hearing him.</p><p>She caught the meaning, regardless."At least a big group photo of all of us in front of it, then!"</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Felix watched as Ashe agreed and helped Annette gather up everyone scattered around the exhibit.It took some convincing, at least for Lysithea and Bernadetta, but soon all sixteen of them were crowded in front of the big fossil whose parts were mostly reconstructions, anyway. </p><p>Annette even roped Rodrigue into the production, waving him over and forcing him into the role of photographer.It really was just like a childhood outing.</p><p>Unfortunately, that meant Felix was squished right in the middle of the hoard, with Mia pressed up against his left and Ingrid to his right.Dimitri, looming behind him, put his arms around the trio in front and squished them together, no doubt wearing a huge, dopey smile.Something hard dug into the back of Felix's hand--Mia's ring.Hastily, she apologized and slid her hand out from between them, to clasp them at her front.</p><p>Felix was too flustered to scowl, so he avoided looking at the camera and tried to ignore the heat rising on his face.Maybe Bernadetta could edit the final picture?Use some clever photo manipulation to make it look like Felix wasn't red as a strawberry--or perhaps remove him altogether?</p><p>"Mercedes, switch places with Ashe," Rodrigue said, and Felix groaned.</p><p>"Just take the damn picture," he muttered, while Rodrigue choreographed the party into the ideal position.Students were glancing over and Felix wanted to shrink onto the floor and hide between the others.</p><p>After what <em>felt</em> like an hour, the old man finally nodded and prepared to take the picture."Say, '<em>Happy Birthday Felix</em>!'"</p><p>"No!" Felix snapped, as all of his traitor friends repeated the words in a Hellish chorus that drew every eye in the museum.</p><p>The camera clicked.Rodrigue chuckled."Felix, at least try to smile!"</p><p>"You have your picture," Felix said.</p><p>"You can't move until I get a good shot," Rodrigue threatened.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, and everyone groaned.</p><p>"We'll be here forever," Sylvain said.</p><p>"He doesn't mean that, does he?" Ashe asked.</p><p>To Felix's left, Mia was giggling, even as she tilted her head back in defeat."This is just like Christmas!Do I at least get to see the picture after it's taken?"</p><p>"What does that even mean?" Felix demanded.</p><p>Mia rolled her shoulders and grinned at him, explaining the long-standing Cecile family tradition that involved her uncle arranging the family much like the group of friends had been, having difficulty fixing his tripod in place, setting up the timer on his camera only to discover that it wasn't set properly, resetting his timer, the timer going off before he'd found his place, the family being sorted by age and gender and in-laws filtered in and out, fake smiles growing more strained as they were repeatedly told to say '<em>cheese'</em>, and all of this before presents.</p><p>Felix listened, fascinated by Mia's run-on sentence, and the similarities between her uncle and his old man.</p><p>"And then, after all that," Mia declared, facing forward again, "I've never seen a single family photo."</p><p>The shutter clicked."Perfect," Rodrigue called. </p><p>Everyone relaxed away from each other, spreading out and stretching after holding their positions for so long.Felix pushed at his sleeves, not liking that he'd been tricked.On the other hand, he was grateful that the ordeal of having his picture taken was over.</p><p>Turning around, Felix looked up into the jaws of the <em>tyrannosaurus rex</em>, dark and jagged.He was reminded of the dreams he used to have as a child--more like nightmares, but nothing too serious when he thought back--of huge dinosaurs on black rainy nights, with ghostly white eyes.How many times had he woken up Glenn or the old man, crying?</p><p>"You can really see how chickens are just miniatures," Mia mused.She tilted her head, quizzical, when Felix let out a single bark of laughter.</p><p>"I'm glad you weren't around when I was a kid," he explained.Although, it really wasn't much of an explanation.Hanging his head, Felix went on, "I already had trouble with t-rex nightmares, I didn't need to start associating chickens with the things."</p><p>He prepared for some severe mockery, but Mia grinned."Oh, that's not fun.I played too much Ocarina of Time and I'd dream about Gohma all the time."</p><p>"Not the Dead Hand?"</p><p>Seeing that other museum patrons wanted to look at and take pictures of the big fossil, the two of them moved on to a stegosaurus--which Felix had to admit was one of the coolest dinosaurs.Much better than the stupid shield-faced triceratops the rest of his family seemed to like.</p><p>"No, I never fought him!I got Hurst to do that whole temple for me.He was my emotional support anytime there were ReDeads."</p><p>"ReDeads weren't even scary though?"</p><p>Ashe, who had been on the other side of the stegosaurus, appeared after clearly having taken a close-up of the fossil's tail."N64 or Windwaker?They were scary in both, honestly."</p><p>"Thank you!" Mia said.</p><p>"Felix, I seem to remember you crying about ReDeads quite often," Dimitri said.</p><p>Swearing, Felix spun on his heel.How did someone so big manage to sneak up on him like that?</p><p>"Apologies, I should have announced myself somehow.I couldn't help but listen in."</p><p>"I did <em>not</em> cry about ReDeads!"</p><p>Dimitri looked momentarily doubtful, like maybe Felix wasn't lying and he had simply remembered it wrong.Then he smiled."No, you did, and you'd hand the controller to me or Glenn whenever you had to run through Hyrule Castle Town."</p><p>"It was ages ago," Felix muttered."You're exaggerating."</p><p>"Is Hurst your brother, Mia?" Ashe asked, and Felix was grateful for the diversion.</p><p>Mia nodded, and told Ashe and Dimitri a little bit about Hurst.They talked about family and video games as well as the displays they passed, still forming and breaking apart as a group--but Mia always stayed near Felix's side. </p><p>After the dinosaurs was a long hall that lead back to the stairs they had come up, and another exhibit that branched off from there.As they walked, Ingrid fell into step with Felix--and he realized that Ferdinand hadn't left her side, either.</p><p>"I'm so glad we all get to do this," she said.</p><p>"Yes, and thank you for including me," Ferdinand added."I actually know Dorothea--that is, I am one of her biggest fans--but I do know Bernadetta from school.And of course most of Ingrid's friends."</p><p>Felix glanced across Ingrid to see Ferdinand's sunny smile."You fit right in," Felix said, hoping that was enough of a reply. </p><p>Laughing like some kind of mystical, woodland entity, Ferdinand said that he was happy to be counted among such a colourful group of friends.</p><p>"Colourful is one word," Rodrigue called over his shoulder.He was <em>supposed</em> to be leading the way, keeping an eye out for suspicious people.</p><p>Felix tensed."Aren't you on the job?"</p><p>"It's an empty hallway, Felix."</p><p>"We're in it.And you're supposed to be keeping some of us safe."</p><p>The old man sighed dramatically and looked skywards.</p><p>Silence fell over the front of the group, though conversation still bubbled happily from behind them.Felix looked down, afraid to see what judgement Ingrid's expression held for him.Until now he felt he'd been making a decent impression on Ferdinand.</p><p>This was it, the part when Felix shoved everyone aside, when he said something cutting and ruined a good time.Mia had already seen it happen.It was inevitable.</p><p>Felix opened his mouth, the words <em>and</em> <em>I don't want you here</em> on his tongue.</p><p>He twisted his lips in a snarl and closed his jaw with a click.<em>I'm tired of always feeling your presence looming</em>, he revised.<em>I need a break, I need to be away from people, I need--</em></p><p>Now wasn't the time for this.Felix swallowed heavily.He slid his phone out of his pocket and set a reminder for tomorrow, leaving the subject blank.There. </p><p>"What's the other exhibit up here?" he demanded, when the silence continued to follow them.</p><p>Ingrid exhaled loudly, and flipped open her brochure."<em>Earth's Treasures</em>."</p><p>"Ooh, you mean the rock exhibit?" Mia asked, leaning in front of Felix to look at Ingrid's map.</p><p>"I guess," Ingrid frowned.</p><p>Felix didn't remember much about that part of the museum, but from the way Mia's face had lit up, it was her favourite."So you'll be the one dragging us back this time?"</p><p>"Hey," Mia said, lightly smacking his arm.</p><p>Behind them, Lysithea had clearly heard <em>something</em> and decided to take offence."I wasn't dragging you back, everyone <em>else</em> was so childishly obsessed with <em>dinosaurs</em> that you left me behind."</p><p>"We'd never leave you behind," Sylvain assured her.</p><p>"No one said I was talking about you, anyway," Felix called over his shoulder.</p><p>"Oh?So Sylvain gave someone else a hard time for wanting to actually <em>look</em> at the exhibits?"</p><p>"Jumping to conclusions is what's childish, that's all," Felix said."In my opinion."</p><p>He half-expected her to leap at his back and beat him to death.</p><p>"I will <em>destroy</em> you, you sugar-hating freak.You'll regret every 'opinion' you've ever held because they've all been <em>wrong</em>."</p><p>Close enough.Felix hooked his hands into his pockets and ducked his head to grin at his boots.</p><p>"When the first responders find you they--"</p><p>"Lysithea!" Mercedes chided."It's his birthday!"</p><p>Through grit teeth, Lysithea said, "We all <em>know</em> it isn't."</p><p>"Still, we're celebrating Felix and it's not nice to threaten people like that."</p><p>Rodrigue had been blessedly silent up until this point, but he had to add his own two cents now."Agreed, can we keep the threats to a minimum?"</p><p>Felix could make it better, or worse.He said, "Oh, were those supposed to be threats?All I heard was a toddler having a tantrum."</p><p>"<em>Listen</em> to him, he's asking to be murdered and I deserve to be the one to murder him!"</p><p>Someone came up behind him--Felix twisted his neck to see that it was Sylvain, standing protectively between him and the furious Lysithea."You'll have to get through me, first!"</p><p>"<em>Gladly</em>."</p><p>Sylvain leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Felix and shoving his face into the 'birthday boy's' hair."Fee-lix, she's gonna kill me!You can't let her!"</p><p>"What happened to 'you have to go through me, first'?" Felix shoved Sylvain's face away, earning a beautifully forged pout.</p><p>"She's scary!"</p><p>Felix was forced to turn by Sylvain's hands on his shoulders, pulling him around so that he was being held between his best friend and the fuming Lysithea.</p><p>"She's like an eighth of your height," Felix grumbled, failing to swat Sylvain away.</p><p>For someone so mature, Lysithea's clenched fists and little stomp sure seemed childish."That's it, you both die today!"</p><p>"<em>Again</em>," Rodrigue sighed, "please stop--"</p><p>"You would kill Felix on his birthday?" Mia drowned out the rest of the old man's speech.</p><p>"It's <em>not</em>--" Lysithea growled with frustration. "I shouldn't be surprised you're taking their side!"</p><p>"I never said that!"</p><p>Felix scoffed."You aren't on my side?"</p><p>"I <em>am</em>--I just--oh, no--"</p><p>Lysithea was better than most at hiding a smile, but her eyes were alight with laughter as she said, dead serious, "We could have been allies, Mia.But now I have to kill you, too."</p><p>Whining a drawn-out 'No!' Mia joined Sylvain in hiding behind Felix."Save me!"</p><p>"Wh--One minute ago Sylvain was protecting me, now <em>I'm</em> everyone's human shield?On my birthday?"</p><p>Ingrid was laughing, out loud and shamelessly.Glancing her way, Felix saw that Ferdinand was watching this unfold with amusement. </p><p>"I'm with Lysithea," Ingrid said. </p><p>"Traitor," Felix snapped."Is this it?The moment everyone chooses a fucking side?"</p><p>"<em>Language</em>!"</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, and was spared from making a blunt response when Dedue interrupted the raucous front half of the group by announcing that they'd made it to the next exhibit."<em>Earth's Treasures,</em>" he read, "Are you interested in geology, Mia?"</p><p>Stepping out from her human shield, Mia turned to see."Yes!Sort of.I like the pretty rocks," she admitted.</p><p>"How deep does your interest run?" Dedue asked, and Mia told him about some of the semi-precious beads she used in her jewellery, and how looking up sodalite had lead to her saving a gallery of rock pictures to her computer.</p><p>Dedue's long strides easily carried him to the front of the group, to walk alongside Mia. </p><p>"I have a few chunks of quartz from up North," Mia said, "and some pinkish feldspar."</p><p>Rodrigue strode ahead, to make sure the room up ahead was secure, and both Felix and Dedue followed him with their gazes, doing their own part to map out the exhibit. </p><p>"You're not supposed to be working today," Dimitri said, pouting, at Felix's ear.At Felix's scowl, he laughed."I can see when you're on alert, Felix.It's quite reassuring, but you shouldn't be doing it today."</p><p>Felix shrugged. "Can't help it."</p><p>Mercedes floated up to Felix's other side."Are you having a good time?"</p><p>Everyone was spreading out into the mineral exhibit, leaning over brightly lit glass cases.Their contents glittered in all the colours of the rainbow.Bernie was photographing each one she came across, speaking quietly to Marianne.Ashe and Ingrid loudly discussed a fantasy novel that had featured fire opals, and Annette had--with Leonie's help--managed to drag Lysithea to the rough wall that was supposedly flecked with real gold that visitors could touch.Despite herself, Lysithea smiled as she ran the pads of her fingers along the stone.Sylvain flirted with Dorothea, pointing out necklaces and bracelets that even he couldn't afford the likes of.Sweetpea was talking to Ferdinand about amethysts in Greek mythology.</p><p>"Yeah," Felix said."It was a good idea."</p><p>Dimitri's hand clapped over his shoulder and shook him.Feeling like a bobblehead, Felix let the architect of this outing have his moment. </p><p>"I'm so happy," Mercedes said.</p><p>"Let's see what Mia and Dedue are looking at," Dimitri suggested.</p><p>The three of them strolled over to a display of highly poisonous minerals, galena and cinnabar and other stones that shouldn't be licked. </p><p>"They look crunchy," Dimitri said."That one looks like it could be liquorice."</p><p>"The stibnite?" Dedue asked.</p><p>"It's like pure lead," Mia informed him.</p><p>Felix laughed once."Don't eat rocks."</p><p>"I'm not saying I'd eat it, I'm saying a lot of these look like candy."</p><p>"Except instead of sugar they're made with arsenic," Mia giggled.</p><p>"Really?I thought it was from a plant."</p><p>Dedue shook his head."It can be found in plants.Appleseeds and peach pits."</p><p>"But--I always eat the whole apple, seeds and all--"</p><p>"It's been building up in your body all this time," Mercedes said sweetly.</p><p>Dimitri looked down at her, blue eyes wide in horror.</p><p>Dedue coughed into his fist."No, there isn't enough to hurt you.Mercedes, I thought you studied medicine."</p><p>"I thought she meant it like Wesley in <em>Princess Bride,</em>" Mia said.</p><p>"Oh, no, I wasn't suggesting he'd built a resistance, but maybe it wasn't a very good joke either way," Mercedes said.</p><p>"You could be holding a bloody knife and people would believe you if you said that you didn't know anything about the murder weapon," Felix said, making Mia gasp.</p><p>Mercedes took it for what it was, though--a compliment."It's a useful aura to have!I've gotten away with--not murder, but you know what I mean."Her smile was wicked, and Felix would believe that she had committed a murder.</p><p>As they had in the biodiversity exhibit, the group meandered along, changing shape as everyone gravitated to the displays that interested them most.Felix slotted himself beside Mia and watched her face light up at the section devoted to calcites that practically glowed from within.</p><p>"Oh, that one's my favourite--" she pointed to a red stone that was as intense as freshly spilled blood "--but this blue one is so sparkly--"</p><p>They admired a collection of flint on their own, and then came up to the opal display.Mia practically started drooling at the sight of the polished stones, the light refracting inside of them and shooting an ever-changing array of colours to the surface.</p><p>Felix leaned close to her ear."You really <em>are</em> a magpie."</p><p>"Shush!"</p><p>"You just got the same look in your eyes as Ingrid does whenever someone mentions food."</p><p>Barely attending, Mia lightly flapped the back of her hand against Felix's arm."Shush.They're just pretty.Look at them."</p><p>"I'm looking at you, coveting a bunch of sparkly rocks."</p><p>"And you aren't impressed at all by them?Nature made these.They just <em>happened</em>."</p><p>"Sure I'm impressed," Felix said."The difference is you want to carry them in your beak back to your nest."</p><p>"Felix."</p><p>"Because you're a magpie."</p><p>"I thought I was a siren," Mia whispered, her cheeks getting red.She looked around, but no one was near enough to listen in.They were all having their own fun, moving from mineral samples to a giant golden coin, intent on their own discussions.</p><p>"I can admit when I'm wrong," Felix said, rolling his eyes."Meaning I've revised my assessment.You're a magpie."</p><p>"You're mean like a vampire," Mia said, and yelped when he put his fingers around hers."Cold like one too!"</p><p>"Just look at your rocks, magpie."</p><p>Shaking her head, Mia had no trouble doing as he'd suggested, turning her attention back to the irresistible opals.She didn't shake off his cold hand though.Felix could hold on to her, their fingers linking below the display case and out of view of the rest of their friends, who'd moved ahead.</p><p>She <em>ooh'd</em> and <em>aah'd </em>over each sample they perused, her embarrassment at Felix's teasing rapidly thawing to make way for the enthusiasm she'd shown before--and in the antique warehouse the month before.It was fun to watch her argue with herself about which rocks she liked best.Felix took a few pictures of the rocks, noting with satisfaction that in a couple of them, he could see their reflection in the glass.</p><p>"You better send me some of those," Mia threatened."Are you getting their name tags, too?"</p><p>"Of course.I want nothing more than to enable your magpie brain."</p><p>"Stop that!"</p><p>"Stop--taking pictures of the name tags?" </p><p>Mia rolled her eyes."You're so mean today!"</p><p>"I'm not being mean."</p><p>"You are!I should have taken Lysithea's side after all."</p><p>Felix smirked."You wouldn't."</p><p>"I'm going to go join her right now.We're going to be allies against your meanness."</p><p>"Wait."Felix tugged on their joined hands.He was pretty sure no one was watching, and he was going to be quick so the few schoolchildren loudly looking to cross <em>stilbite</em> off their scavenger hunt lists weren't likely to notice anything either.He leaned down and gave Mia a very hasty peck on the cheek."What about now?"</p><p>The flush had returned to her face, making Felix want to try again.He didn't quite dare, and contented himself with rubbing his thumb over her knuckle.</p><p>"That changes nothing.You are mean.A mean vampire."</p><p>"Are vampires and corvids not meant to be allies?"</p><p>"You are so--you didn't even know what a corvid was until you read about birds today."</p><p>While Mia was right, and Felix had just remembered the term from the biodiversity instalment, it didn't detract from his argument.He couldn't help but raise his chin and smile smugly down at her.</p><p>"You're ridiculous," Mia said, but she squeezed his hand and did not defect to Lysithea.They travelled from one display to another, and Felix dutifully snapped pictures of the ones Mia asked him to, but his mind was elsewhere.</p><p>He let her tug him into the open, their joined hands visible for the entire group to see.It made him tense, until he saw Ferdinand holding Ingrid's hand, and Sylvain slinging his arm around Leonie and Annette, three redheads all grinning about a dirty comment Annette had made about a large smoky quartz crystal.</p><p>Felix and Mia hadn't known each other very long--four and a half months--yet they'd already played so many roles for each other.Siren, vampire, supporter, champion, comfort, muse, magpie, and now, most interestingly, <em>allies</em>.While the current context was less than meaningful, the word itself seemed to encompass so much of what they had already been.Perhaps Felix was reading too many of Ashe's fantastical stories, or maybe there was still a part of him that soared with thoughts of romance and melodrama. </p><p>Whatever it was, he couldn't shake the word's sense of importance.It seared his skin where he clung to Mia, all while they explored the exhibit.Mia lead them to the very end, and brought their hands up to the rough, stony wall flecked with gold.She flattened her palm against it, and he pressed his hand over hers.The tips of his fingers in between hers traced lightly over the wall's rough surface and he found himself making a wish on this moment, senseless and without words.</p><p>Mia blinked at him, her eyes brown and dark.Her smile was secretive, and he returned it.Felix could feel eyes on them, now, and his cheeks burned with heat even as he tumbled into the realization that no reputation, no denial or deception, could convince anyone that he was not falling hard and fast for this woman.</p><p>It was an uncomfortable revelation, but one that Felix could examine later.He swallowed and mustered the courage to just accept it for the time being.Dragging his fingers along stone, he wrapped his hand back around Mia's and gently drew them away from the wall.</p><p>His hand didn't leave hers for the rest of the trip, even as they left <em>Earth's Treasures</em> and the temporary bubble of privacy they had experienced burst.Annette and Sylvain joined them, talking about <em>Harvest Moon</em>.Marianne overheard the conversation and walked alongside them, happy to listen. </p><p>The first floor held artifacts from ancient Greece and Rome, and the large group explored it the way they had the previous exhibits--loudly, at their own pace, and with a smile on each face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>whhhh there's not a single scene break in here! don't like that! but it was fun anyway.<br/>this is actually the museum of Recurring now that i look at it. i didn't plan to fixate so much on the antler wall but i guess i have some kind of...let's just say there's a reason i chose the Golden Deer first. also didn't plan on going on a ReDead tangent but that's just how my brain operates! and i wouldn't want it any other way.</p><p>this chapter did Not want to be written, so i had to work on it in tiny increments that kept growing in length until it started to flow better. and...with NaNoWriMo around the corner i'm not sure how much momentum i'll be sparing for this fic, so i'm afraid that it might be another long wait for the next chapter. i still love it very much though and want to finish! i have not abandoned nor will i--i'm too splenetic for that. thanks for your patience so far!</p><p>title is from 'Souvenir' by Avril Lavigne. </p><p>everyone!! stay safe out there and please do what you need to to stay well. keep fighting!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. i should break through those gates</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>communication...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day after their museum trip, Mia was surprised to see she had missed a ton of messages from Felix and from the Feline Support Chat.She checked Felix's conversation first, and her astonishment grew when she found the group photos Rodrigue had taken the day before.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> since u w complanig abt n seeing</p><p> </p><p>Mia thanked him and opened the two files.Both showed the entire group, pressed together, arranged well enough that no one was blocked from view and the clump of them tapered on either side.They were crisp and clear, showing off the dark bones of the t-rex behind them.</p><p>In the first picture, everyone wore bright smiles except for Felix, who was scowling and looking away, a flush on his cheek.His head was tilted towards Mia, like he wanted to hide behind her but was stopped by Dimitri at their backs.The second photo was similar, though the smiles of most of their party were strained.The exceptions were Dimitri, who seemed incapable of faking a grin, Mia, whose expression was clumsy and mid-sentence, and Felix, who was watching her with the warmest, fondest look on his face.</p><p>It went straight to her tummy, freeing a swarm of butterflies.She'd done that, just telling a silly story about her family.Would it ever do anything but completely tip her off balance, seeing that look on his face?She couldn't say, but her mind was getting into dangerously sappy territory. </p><p>With Mia's reply, Felix had sent off a slew of new messages, one gem photo after another. </p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> happy magpie?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> very! thank you!</p><p> </p><p>The Feline Support Chat featured more museum snapshots, mostly of the four of them--Felix, Mia, Sylvain, and Dimitri--looking at the displays.Mia scrolled to the top and rolled her eyes at Sylvain's selfies, taken in front of nearly every fossil with the same fake smile and wink.Dimitri's pictures showcased his friends, and were mostly blurry except for the occasional clear shot of someone's back.He had an uncanny talent for taking pictures right when people were turning away, so their faces blurred creepily.Mia prepared to comment that they were all excellent.</p><p>It was then that she noticed another notification--not over the Shepherds' group chat, but from the private message Mia had set up with Bernadetta.Mia wondered what the shy artist might have to say, and took a break from browsing Sylvain and Dimitri's gallery to see.</p><p> </p><p><b>Bernie:</b> hi! not sure if you want this but i took a picture of you and felix</p><p><b>Bernie: </b>i'm sorry if i should have asked first ! /,o^o,\</p><p><b>Bernie: </b>i'll delete it forever if you want /T^T\</p><p><b>Bernie: </b>and forget i ever saw it i promise /&gt;n&lt;\</p><p><b>Bernie:</b> here!</p><p> </p><p>Before Mia could assure Bernadetta that everything was fine, the image popped up on her screen. </p><p>Felix was not the only one who could wear an expression of absolute fondness.Bernadetta's candid photograph had captured the two of them at the gold-flecked wall, their hands together in between them, their eyes locked and faces warm.Mia hadn't realized she could look like that.It astonished her.She looked like Hurst when he talked about Tris, though she also looked like herself, more than she had ever in her reflection.It was strange, dreamlike.Felix was returning her smile, and Mia remembered thinking how happy she was in that moment, that he had put his hand over top of hers.It had felt like they were the only two people in the world.</p><p>Aside from the obvious affection in both their faces, Mia marvelled at how the angle of the picture could almost make one believe that the two of them were lying on the ground.As if they'd both just fallen to it.</p><p>In the meantime, Bernadetta had apologized six more times.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> it's all right! thank you for taking this and sharing it</p><p><b>Mia:</b> it's a really good picture :)</p><p><b>Bernie:</b> really??? you're not just saying that?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i mean it</p><p><b>Bernie:</b> \^o^/</p><p><b>Mia:</b> /^v^/ &lt;3</p><p><b>Bernie:</b> you'll have to share it with felix!</p><p><b>Mia:</b> will do!</p><p> </p><p>Mia knew if she thought about it, then she would come up with a reason to be self-conscious about the whole thing.So, she saved it and dropped it into her conversation with Felix.There was a long, long pause.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> w shld meet b4 nx duel</p><p> </p><p>It had not been what Mia had expected at all, and she was sure that she was blushing and grinning at her laptop screen.Ridiculous.Mia told him that she loved that idea.Next, she told Bernadetta that the photograph had gone over well with Felix, too, and resumed her perusal of the photos Dimitri and Sylvain had shared.</p><p>After that, she set to work rewriting a clumsy chunk in the middle of her novel.</p><p>***</p><p>At first, Felix had no idea why his phone was ringing with a reminder for absolutely nothing.He was getting himself ready for work when it went off, proudly announcing that it was time to do something.Scowling at it, Felix hovered his thumb over the dismiss button.When had he accidentally set this to go off?</p><p>Not accidentally.Felix had done this on purpose.He sighed heavily, this not being the time for serious thought, and added a subject line before telling it to remind him when he was likely to be home from escorting Dimitri.Now it read '<em>houses'</em>.</p><p>He grabbed his keys off the teal plate he now used to hold odds and ends--newly dangling from the keyring was a wire sword, about five centimetres long and regrettably not particularly sharp.Apparently it was silver-plated wire, and Mia said it shouldn't tarnish.The handle was wrapped with thin brown wire.Holding it between his thumb and index finger, Felix raised it experimentally in front of Spinach Puff.A little too small to make a suitable prop.Then again, it would still be cute.</p><p>Despite his protests, everyone had brought something small for Felix's 'birthday' the day before.Mostly it was dry wine, or spicy snacks that Ingrid knew he liked.Sweetpea had given him flowers, because apparently it was already daffodil season.They stank but looked quite impressive on Felix's dresser, he had to admit.Getting home from the ROM, the sixteen of them had sat down to rest their feet, and promptly made Felix the centre of attention.Lysithea had made a savoury cake, and they'd all sung, and Felix had hidden his face in his arms. </p><p>His lips twitched in a smile.Fine.It had been fun.</p><p>At Dimitri's condo, he was greeted with a typically broad grin."Felix!Right on time as usual!How are you?I'm delighted--I slept so well last night."</p><p>"Good," Felix said, raising his eyebrows a little."Really?"</p><p>"Yes!I fell asleep so quickly and I feel terrific!No dreams!"</p><p>"That's not bad.I had museum dreams--but they were fine," Felix assured him.He wouldn't say they'd been good, and they certainly hadn't been restful.Mostly, Felix kept finding himself looking up at animal skulls while everyone else went on without him."When's the last time you slept well?"</p><p>"Unaided?Eight months ago," Dimitri said, scooping up his big equipment bag.Llamaface jumped onto the counter, meowing silently.</p><p>"Let's hope it keeps up."</p><p>At the door, Dimitri said goodbye to his cat and blew her a kiss.Then, he locked up behind them and fell into step with Felix."Agreed!"</p><p>They began descending the stairs in silence, and Felix found his thoughts returning to the reminder on his phone, and reason he'd set it in the first place.Dimly, he realized Dimitri had spoken again.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I asked if you were mad that your Dad had gone on the trip with us."</p><p>Felix frowned."No.I mean, I was, but it wasn't because--" he sighed."I'm selfish."</p><p>When he failed to elaborate, Dimitri shook his head."I don't think so.You were looking out for everyone, weren't you?You don't relax unless you know we're all safe."</p><p>"That's not a sign of altruism.It's just more selfishness," Felix snapped.</p><p>"Okay, but that's not a problem," Dimitri pointed out."Because whatever your reasons, you still want to see other people safe and happy."</p><p>They were going off track."No, I mean I sometimes feel like I don't have my own space, or like I'm always being watched or judged or something.Like I see the old man too much and he's always there and I can't deal with it!But I have plenty of privacy.I have time to myself--fuck--he's always working on something in his study anyway--just--"</p><p>Dimitri listened, patiently, and it made Felix feel all the worse.</p><p>"--I sometimes think how lucky I am still to have him, but mostly I just want him to go away.I feel--" Felix exhaled, loudly.He felt <em>too much</em>."--so guilty about it.But instead of it going away I'm just always angry at him."</p><p>"I'm afraid I can't really relate to this," Dimitri said.</p><p>Of course not.Felix had shoved his foot in it yet again."I know--I'm sorry.I haven't got any right to complain about this to you."</p><p>"No, no!I'm happy that you're talking to me about it!"</p><p>Glancing up at Dimitri, Felix could see how honest he was being.It wasn't fair. </p><p>"And I do a lot of thinking about what happened, too.You've tried to make up for Glenn to him, too, haven't you?"</p><p>Lump forming his throat, Felix just nodded.They had reached the bottom of the stairs, and Dimitri stopped them in the foyer. </p><p>He said, "I don't think it's selfish to feel the way you do.But if it is, then you're within your right to.Sweetpea says that, when I talk about my guilt."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"So you should do what takes care of you, because then you can take care of everyone else, better," Dimitri said, like he was trying to remember something he'd studied before an exam.His bright gaze snapped back to Felix, fully intense."Before we went to pick up Princess, and you weren't talking to me about any of this--that wasn't good for you."</p><p>"Or you," Felix added.</p><p>Dimitri nodded."We both were angry.In different ways.We're both trying to find ourselves underneath all of that.If stepping away and getting some space is what you need to do, then you should.And if it doesn't work, then it's okay, too."</p><p>Felix looked outside.It wasn't too dark, yet.Spring was almost here, the days getting longer."Maybe."He faced Dimitri."Thanks.I think this really helped."</p><p>"I'm glad!Ready to go?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>***</p><p>The old man was still awake, working on rosters for some of their other clients, when Felix got home.Estoc was nestled on his lap.</p><p>"Felix!It must be later than I'd realized.I'd better pack up for the night."</p><p>"That'd be the smart thing to do," Felix said, peeling out of his jacket.He hung it in the closet, then bent to take his boots off.Spinach Puff wound around his legs, batting at his shoelaces.Felix divided his attention to greet the cat.</p><p>"How was your shift?"</p><p>"Smooth," Felix said, hesitating. </p><p>Rodrigue sensed something was amiss.He closed his laptop and set it on the end table, sitting up straighter.</p><p>Boots off, Felix deftly picked up Spinach Puff as he stood."I need to talk to you about something."</p><p>"About Dimitri?"</p><p>Felix shook his head.He padded across the carpet and sat on the edge of the armchair.Spinach Puff settled on his lap, purring like a motor while Felix absently ran his fingers through the cat's fur.</p><p>"About me."</p><p>"Go on," Rodrigue said, folding his hands over his knees.</p><p>It was so typical, Felix rolled his eyes with a smirk."I'm--it's been brought to my attention that I don't have any goals."</p><p>A head tilt.</p><p>"I just--I protect Dimitri and I feed the cats.I train."</p><p>"It's all right not to have a specific goal," Rodrigue said."You've got your friends, and," he cleared his throat, "a girlfriend.One day you might take over the company, or--"</p><p>"I don't want it," Felix blurted.</p><p>"It's nothing to worry about at the moment, anyway," Rodrigue said.</p><p>Only it was, because both of them were hardwired to put themselves between their clients and danger, and Dimitri still had enemies.It was stupid.</p><p>"Whatever.The point is, I don't have an aspiration.And I feel like I should.So I'm trying to think of one."</p><p>"Is that why you resumed your piano practice?" Rodrigue asked.</p><p>Felix tipped his head back.He really needed to practice conversations before starting them, because no matter what, they seemed to go wildly off track."No, that's--something else."</p><p>"And you have a duel at the end of the month with your friend from Airmid.You're working on mending your relationship with Dimitri.You seem to have quite a few goals in mind."</p><p>"Maybe." Felix looked at the way his hand sank into Spinach Puff's plush fur, before fixing his gaze on his father's linked fingers."But--that's just one of the things I wanted to--talk about."</p><p>He hated how halting his words were, how difficult it was to say.Seeing his father, knowing that what he was suggesting could hurt him, made Felix realize just how little he wanted that to happen.</p><p>"I've been thinking I need to have a space that's my own.Space to myself.Some time.I want to find a place out of the city."</p><p>Felix curled forward, his nose touching the top of Spinach Puff's head."I hate it here.I don't feel good."</p><p>"I understand."</p><p>Removing his hands from Spinach Puff, Felix ran them through his hair, tugging out the elastic and then rubbing up and down his face.</p><p>"Have you made any plans?Do you know where you're going to start looking?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Well, I will offer any help you need."</p><p>Felix raked his fingers back through his hair."I'm sorry."</p><p>The old man actually laughed."What for?"</p><p>"We're <em>family</em>.I'm supposed to--I don't know?I feel like I shouldn't abandon you.I'm not--I'm not--" And, shit, Felix was crying."We've only got each other and I'm leaving and--"</p><p>Felix didn't hear his dad stand up, or see him come closer to kneel in front of Felix with one hand on either of his son's shoulders."Felix, it's all right.I understand.I promise."</p><p>"I'm--I'm--"</p><p>His father shushed him, gently, just like he had when Felix was little.Felix inhaled, rubbing the bridge of his nose and trying to pull himself together.</p><p>At last, he managed, "I need to, but I don't want--I'm scared that--"</p><p>"If you need to, then that's what you have to do.Is that why you've been staying?Because of me?"</p><p>Felix was loathe to say something like that out loud.He was loathe to say most thoughts out loud, which was why only the strongest ones made it.He nodded, looking away."You already lost--we--there's just us."</p><p>"I wish you hadn't made yourself unhappy because of me," Rodrigue said.</p><p>"D-don't you <em>want</em> me to stay?"</p><p>Rodrigue sighed, standing up, stretching, and then returning to the couch.He sat on the very edge of it."Of course I do.But I know how this isn't the best for you.I've tried to give you your space, but we're so different.Of course there's tension."</p><p>"I don't hate you."</p><p>"I know," Rodrigue said.He smiled."And this will always be your home."</p><p>"I always say I'm not Glenn, but I keep trying to be--to be good enough.It's hard.I just want to be me."</p><p>"More people see you that way than you realize," Rodrigue said."Maybe seeing it for yourself is a good goal to set."</p><p>It was a stupid, impractical goal, but Felix nodded, sniffling."I want to take some time off.Once I find someplace."</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"Should I have done this sooner?"</p><p>"Not unless you'd been ready."</p><p>Felix still couldn't be fully sure that his Dad was telling the truth about being okay with him moving away, but it would be out of character for the old man to lie.Slowly, he felt himself relaxing.</p><p>"I think I am, now.I need to see how it goes."</p><p>"You'll be fine--you were on your own for school."</p><p>Felix nodded.It hadn't been great, but that had been because of losing Villain, and the growing gap between himself and Dimitri.This time, Felix had more friends, and the experience from when he last lived alone.He had time.</p><p>Felix said so.</p><p>"That's true, and you can take as much as you need.I'm glad--thank you for telling me about all of this."</p><p>"It was that or just leave one day.Which felt easier but also...not."</p><p>Hiding behind his hand, Rodrigue snickered."Would you have at least left me a note?"</p><p>"I'd have said goodbye," Felix retorted with a glare."Give me <em>some</em> credit."</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>His Dad was smiling, relieved, and Felix felt some previously unaddressed weight lift from his own heart.He hadn't expected this to go so well--despite the tears that he'd been unable to stop.That had been part of the process.</p><p>"I also didn't want you to think it's all because of Mia," Felix said, into the back of his hand.</p><p>"Didn't quite catch that."</p><p>Felix repeated it, not moving his hand.</p><p>"Ah.Would you be moving closer to her?You mentioned outside Toronto."</p><p>"Yeah, but also--closer to Ingrid, right?I want to see Mia more, but it's weird."</p><p>Resettling himself, Rodrigue's eyebrows came together uncomfortably. </p><p>Felix knew that everyone, security included, had seen how he felt for Mia.He had to own up at least a little to it."I'm afraid to go too fast, or screw it up.So is she, so I'm trying not to worry, but it worries me that I <em>do</em> worry."</p><p>"I think," Rodrigue said slowly, "that you're on the right track, with the things that you're thinking and talking about.I take it that your concerns about a large-scale goal have something to do with it?"</p><p>It was Felix's turn, to fidget nervously."Maybe.It's felt too soon.To talk.And I'm not even--sure--about what I want."</p><p>"As long as she respects that, then I think you'll be all right."</p><p>Felix thought so, too.He pulled at the ends of his sleeves."Thanks.Sorry if I kept you up."</p><p>"No, of course not!I'm so happy to have been able to lay some of your worries to rest.I understand if you want to do everything yourself, but if you need anything--advice, or someone to look at houses with you, or just to talk--I'm here.And whenever you are ready to move out, we'll still have each other.Neither of us is abandoning the other."</p><p>Felix nodded, and set Spinach Puff aside.He got up off the chair, so that he could bend down and hug his Dad.It was quick, with a quietly whispered 'thanks'.Rodrigue patted Felix's arm and then he let go, feeling even more of that weight lift from him.Tomorrow, he would take the first steps towards his new goal.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sdgkhjhkg i'm so emotional about Felix and Rodrigue and i can't even blame anyone but myself. well. maybe i will blame the grey weather and the 3rd of october.</p><p>fe3h: Felix used to cry but doesn't anymore<br/>me: that's not how it works~</p><p>i wrote this so fast?? but i'm excited for felix making big changes and talking to people and realizations and things that will happen. </p><p>title is yet another line from Daughtry's 'Just Found Heaven' because this was an Important Plot Point. next time...more Mia? i can't neglect my girl.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. the softer side of unbearable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felix meets Hurst</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia was helping her mom with the dishes when the phone rang.Mrs. Cecile wiped her hands and answered, while Mia went on drying plates that had stacked up in the rack.From her mom's greeting, Mia could guess that it was Hurst who'd called.</p><p>Mostly, Mia tuned out the conversation, which consisted of sparse news from their side and a lot of silent gaps on her brother's.After putting away the dry plates, Mia plunged her hands into the icky water to start cleaning the cutlery.</p><p>"Mm-hm," Mrs. Cecile said.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Mm."</p><p>"Well this weekend Mia's boyfriend is visiting."</p><p>"Mm-hm."</p><p>"Well I'm sure Mia wants you to meet him."</p><p>Mia's fingers tightened around a spoon."Mom, what are you doing?"</p><p>"It would be nice if you all went out somewhere," Mrs. Cecile said, into the phone.</p><p>"Ah," Mia said.Of course.If all the youngsters went out to eat, then her mom would be spared from having to plan a meal."I'd have to let Felix know if there's a change in plans."</p><p>Mrs. Cecile nodded at Mia, and said to Hurst, "Your dad wants some help getting the chainsaw working.Mm-hm.That's what he thought."</p><p>Phone calls with Hurst usually lasted forever.Mia ended up finishing the dishwashing herself while he kept their mother on the line, but she was just grateful that it wasn't her.There was something relaxing about doing dishes by yourself, anyway.She began towelling off the cutlery.</p><p>"Okay.Love you, too.Bye."Mrs. Cecile hung up, and groaned.</p><p>Mia giggled."What did he have to say?"</p><p>"Oh, thanks Mia," Mrs. Cecile said, and grabbed a second towel to help dry off the pots and pans from dinner."He wants to make centrepieces out of those mason jars and other glassware in the shed."</p><p>"Ew.It's all crusty."</p><p>"They'll have to soak them in vinegar for days," Mrs. Cecile agreed."Tris seems to think putting those little battery string-lights in them would be rustic."</p><p>"I guess."</p><p>"She wants to paint on them too?She found a template or stencil or something for it."</p><p>Mia moved from the forks to the knives."Could be nice.So he wants to come down this weekend to pick them up?And you don't want to feed Felix."</p><p>"I don't want to feed Felix <em>and</em> Hurst and Tris," Mrs. Cecile corrected her."I only bought enough for one extra person."</p><p>"That's fine," Mia said."I'm sure he'll be okay with it."</p><p>"Oh, good.And Hurst really wants to meet him."</p><p>Mia wiped dry knife after knife.Then the spoons.She knew Hurst wanted to meet Felix, and that it was probably a good time for it.Still, it was embarrassing, because she had never done this, and she'd heard her brother make fun of men with ponytails, and Felix was so not what anyone would have expected her 'type' to be--but then, what was expected?Half of it, Mia thought, was that she didn't know what she was expected to want.</p><p>The other half was that Felix was something of a secret.Something twinged in Mia's chest, and she thought maybe she understood a little bit about what Sylvain had said, regarding Felix's choice to tell or not tell his friends about their relationship.Mia didn't have to think about what was expected, if she kept her secret.If she shared it, then she would have to acknowledge it, and whether or not her own desires differed from the things other people wanted for her. </p><p>"It's a good time for it," Mia said."I'm sure they'll get along."</p><p>She hoped so.</p><p>***</p><p>"When's he getting here?" Hurst practically yelled when he was still in the doorway.Mia rolled her eyes from her position deep within the house and stood with a groan.</p><p>"He's got to drive through Toronto," she called back.</p><p>"He should've thought of that ahead of time!"</p><p>"I'm sure he did!"</p><p>They both reached the kitchen at the same time.Hurst grinned."Hello Tiny Sister."</p><p>"Hello Hulking Brother," Mia replied.</p><p>Hurst sniggered."How's your boyfriend?" He drew out the word 'boyfriend' in an entirely childish whine.</p><p>"Ask him yourself.Don't you care how I am?"</p><p>Tris, always more reasonable than her fiancé, appeared at his shoulder."Hi, Mia!How are you?"</p><p>"Good, you?"</p><p>Pleasantries exchanged, Hurst went back to his whining."Mia doesn't tell us anything about her <em>secret boyfriend</em>, it's no fair!I told her everything about you!"</p><p>Mia snorted."No, you just said how much in love with her you were.We didn't even know whether she lived in a house."</p><p>"Hurst, you're so unobservant," Tris said.</p><p>"Does <em>Felix</em> live in a house?"</p><p>"He lives in a house.I was there."</p><p>"What's it like, though?" Hurst demanded, like he'd finally be able to get the upper hand.</p><p>Mia rolled her eyes."Fancy, big.Like a magazine.He lives with his dad."</p><p>Mrs. Cecile came into the kitchen."That is more than you told us, Hurst."</p><p>"Ha!"</p><p>"You wanted the shed jars," Mrs. Cecile said.</p><p>Hurst and Tris were startled into acting, heading back outside to find the grungy old glassware amidst rusted farm equipment, broken pipes, assorted garbage, and, Mia imagined, copious amounts of raccoon poop.She did not deign to join them in their search.The shed was stinky and awful and too crowded with junk, anyway.It was--and this didn't reflect favourably on him at all--her dad's domain.</p><p>He was certainly different from Felix's dad.Mia couldn't help but imagine what <em>that</em> meeting would be like.It would either make Rodrigue grateful for how thoughtfully Mia spoke, or he'd just tell Felix to stop seeing her.</p><p>The boyfriend in question pulled into the driveway just as the lovebirds had gotten inside after filling the backseat of Hurst's truck with boxes of crusty old jars. </p><p>"Is that him?" Hurst said, sitting up from sprawling across Tris.</p><p>"Who knows," Mia said, trying not to sound as excited to see Felix as she felt.</p><p>"We're meeting Mia's boyfriend," Hurst sang, as Mia flung herself to her feet and hurried to put on a pair of shoes, to greet Felix before he was grilled by her family.He'd been okay with the idea of meeting them, and Mia had no plans of starting a fight with anyone, but she still felt the need to offer some kind of emotional support.</p><p>Outside, Mia was greeted by the brown chill of mid-March and the sight of Felix's shiny blue car.He emerged from it, winter-pale with his dark hair contrasting against both skin and sky.He squinted around the farm, wearing an expression of what may have been disgust but was probably just nerves.Gaze landing on Mia, Felix fidgeted.He wore his leather jacket and plain blue jeans.</p><p>"Hi," she called, crossing the still-frozen ground to meet him.</p><p>"Hi," he answered.He shoved his keys into his pocket and glanced past Mia's shoulder, to the door.She didn't need to look to know that Hurst was pressing his face against the glass.</p><p>"He's annoying, but I think you'll get along," Mia said.</p><p>"So you mentioned." </p><p>"He's affable."</p><p>Felix snorted, but also smiled."No one says 'affable'.What is this."</p><p>"I can say affable if I want to.You ready?" Mia held out her hand--in front of her, hidden from view.Her intent was to give Felix's fingers a squeeze, but when he put his hand in hers, he also pulled himself closer to hastily put his other arm around her.</p><p>"Yeah.I'll try not to start a fight."</p><p>"You better not start a fight," Mia warned, hugging him back, properly, because everyone knew that the two of them were dating, anyway.</p><p>"But if you're not, then maybe I should," Felix said.He pulled away, but kept his hand around Mia's.He flicked his hair--it was getting longer, wisps of his bangs falling to his cheeks."Just for tradition's sake."</p><p>"Do <em>not</em>!" Mia lightly shoved his arm, and he grinned.Facing the door, she saw that Hurst was not only pressed against the glass but was already gripping the handle.Mia rolled her eyes and nodded to her brother.</p><p>Hurst burst out the door with the excitement of a Labrador retriever.He bounced to a stop just in front of Mia and Felix, while Tris came outside at a more reasonable pace.</p><p>"So," Mia said, feeling silly."This is Felix.These are Hurst and Hurst's fiancee Tris."</p><p>Felix nodded and gave a grunt of greeting.</p><p>"Nice to meet you," Hurst said, offering his hand.Felix clasped it, his neutral expression making it look like he was measuring Hurst's worth and finding him lacking.</p><p>"Same.Hi."He nodded to Tris and released Hurst to put that hand in his pocket.</p><p>There was a brief moment where Mia watched the three of them stare awkwardly at each other, but then Hurst's natural <em>affability</em> activated.</p><p>"So you're Felix!Mia says you like swords."</p><p>Beside her, Felix relaxed incrementally."Mm.I've fenced since I was a child."</p><p>"That's so cool, maybe you can teach Mia sometime," Hurst said, and Mia squirmed while thinking that her brother would probably be able to get along with Sylvain of all people.</p><p>"I doubt she'd want me as a teacher."</p><p>Hurst was tilted off-balance by Felix's tone, but only for a moment."You never know!So are you in some kind of fencing club or something?"</p><p>"I am, but there's hardly anyone there worth my time."</p><p>"You've got another match with Lon'qu at the end of the month, right?" Mia was glad that Felix was relaxing, but this topic didn't exactly say anything other than 'look how dangerous Felix is'."He's in the Shepherds," she added, for Hurst's benefit.</p><p>"Oh right, the shy one with the swords, you mentioned," Hurst said."So is it like practice or a duel?"</p><p>"Practice," Mia said."Obviously."</p><p>Felix frowned at her for the partial lie.But it <em>was</em> technically practice, whatever they called it.'Duel' made it sound terribly fatal.Felix huffed a single laugh."Yeah.Besides, we both know what we're doing.No one's getting hurt.We met up at the end of December already."</p><p>Hurst commented on the odds of meeting someone you could 'play swords' with, which made Felix tense up again.Watching him carefully, Mia gave his hand a squeeze and he exhaled.</p><p>"Are we going out to eat now or not?" Felix asked, like he just wanted it to be over with.</p><p>"Sure," Hurst said."You've been to Sol's?"</p><p>Felix nodded.</p><p>Mia said that he'd eaten there when he'd picked up Spinach Puff, and again for the Shepherd's end-of-November party."Are we taking two cars?"</p><p>"I don't see the point."Felix dug around in his pocket for his keys and tossed them at Mia.She had to let go of his hand to catch them."I just drove," he said.</p><p>Apparently this meant, 'hey Mia, do you mind driving?'Since she didn't mind, she just grinned and made her way to the driver's door.The little wire sword she'd made sparkled on Felix's key ring.</p><p>"Shotgun!" Hurst called.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes as he went to the front-passenger door."It's my car."</p><p>While Hurst whined about etiquette and Tris rolled her own eyes, Mia began setting up the mirrors and seat for the short trip.Felix flung himself into the seat beside her, letting out a grumpy sigh.</p><p>"Everything okay?" Mia asked.While she was aware of Felix's dislike of meeting new people, she also knew that there was a good chance he was also upset about something unrelated.</p><p>"Sorry.I'm not being very personable."</p><p>"You're doing fine," Mia lied."Is personable more common than affable?"</p><p>"You're the writer, you tell me."</p><p>"Tell him what?" Hurst asked, sliding into the backseat, behind Mia, as Tris got in the other side.</p><p>"Apparently I use uncommon words," Mia said.</p><p>"You're a writer," Hurst pointed out.</p><p>"Reading unusual words is jarring," Felix said.</p><p>Mia laughed."You use unusual words, too."</p><p>"And you don't find it jarring?"</p><p>Tris asked Felix what he liked to read.</p><p>Grinding his teeth, Felix looked torn as though she'd asked him which of his swords he was willing to watch bend into a pretzel."Ashe loans me a lot of fantasy," he mumbled.</p><p>Mia started the car."A lot of stuff that I know."</p><p>"I'm not a big reader anymore," Felix said.</p><p>"That's cool that you're into the same books though," Hurst said."What are the odds?"</p><p>"Don't tell me the odds," Mia said, "shut him up or shut him down."</p><p>Hurst laughed and Tris sighed.</p><p>"I've got a bad feeling about this," Hurst said.</p><p>Mia giggled, turning the car around to make her way out the driveway.She felt Felix's eyes on her, and when she glanced over she saw that he wore an expression of curiosity.</p><p>"Someone get this walking carpet out of my way," Mia said.</p><p>Hurst replied with another out-of-order quote, and this went back and forth for half the drive.During a lull, Tris said apologetically, "This is how they communicate.When I came over the first time, we watched <em>Willow</em> and they all said every line before it happened on-screen.It's so weird."</p><p>"We're a weird family!" Hurst announced.</p><p>"All families are weird," Mia pointed out."Felix already got to hear <em>RED</em> quotes from dad.Who thinks I'm dating the <em>Hitman's Bodyguard</em>."</p><p>Hurst leaned forward and practically squealed "<em>Ryan Reynolds?</em>"</p><p>"But you're not like this," Felix said to Mia.</p><p>"You've never watched a movie I've seen before with me.Or an episode of <em>Corner Gas</em>."</p><p>"Tax Man!" Hurst shouted.</p><p>"Marvin Drey," Mia said.</p><p>Hurst loyally answered with "Muffin Tray?"</p><p>"I'm not <em>the</em> tax man, I'm <em>a</em> tax man.Would you like it if people went around calling you the <em>Gas Man?</em>"</p><p>"I'd love it!That was going to be my nickname if I ever went into professional wrestling.Wanna see my big finishing move?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"That's probably the right answer," Hurst said.He and Mia laughed.They were entering Airmid, following familiar streets to the restaurant.</p><p>"Now I remember," Felix said."You did this with Sylvain.I thought you were humouring him."</p><p>"No way, I thought he was humouring me."</p><p>"Ugh."</p><p>Mia turned onto their final street and scanned it for an open spot to park."And I get you with other references," she added, thinking about their shared taste in music--if it could be called that.</p><p>"Hm."Felix looked at the radio, clearly thinking about the same thing."I guess."</p><p>"Who's Sylvain?" Hurst asked.</p><p>"Felix's best friend," Mia said."He took the Dirty Potato."</p><p>"Cat whisperer!"</p><p>Felix snorted."Never say that to his face."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>Sliding into a spot close to Sol's, Mia said, "He'd rephrase it into some kind of innuendo."</p><p>"What--Mia!"</p><p>"I'm just saying!"</p><p>"You're my innocent tiny sister, though!"</p><p>"<em>I </em>wouldn't, <em>he</em> would, and--never mind I'm trying to park!"</p><p>Felix blurted, "You make plenty of innuendos!"</p><p>"Felix, shush!"</p><p>"Mia!" Hurst shouted.</p><p>"I'm parking!I'm parking!"</p><p>"Are you dating a bad influence?" Hurst demanded.</p><p>Felix scoffed."Are you kidding?<em>She's</em> the bad influence, making double-entendres in front of my dad, ripping his religion to shreds right in front of him--"</p><p>"I did not," Mia protested.</p><p>"Mia <em>is</em> a heathen," Hurst said."She's the bad grandchild, whereas <em>I</em> am getting married in a church."</p><p>"Don't lie about your attack," Felix said. </p><p>Mia shut off the car and handed the keys to Felix, who held his hands up and away.Groaning--she didn't want to have to carry someone else's keys in her purse--she said, "He started it."</p><p>"Aha!" Hurst said.</p><p>"And it's not as if you actually <em>go</em> to church, so I don't see why it matters to get married in one," Mia said.</p><p>"Casual," Felix threw over his shoulder at Hurst.</p><p>"So you're the kind of guy our grandma wants Mia to date?" Hurst asked him."Can you save her immortal soul?"</p><p>"Fuck no," Felix said, making Hurst gasp.</p><p>"He swears!"</p><p>"People swear all the time, I've heard it before," Mia said, checking that it was safe before stepping out onto the street.She shut the door and waited with her finger on the key fob while everyone followed suit."I swear."</p><p>"Mia doesn't swear," Hurst said. </p><p>"I can, I just don't do it in front of people," Mia said, and Felix looked like he was about to comment that it was another thing like singing, then swallowed the remark.She caught his eye and smirked, and Felix smiled and looked away.</p><p>"I thought I knew you," Hurst fake-sobbed, betrayed.</p><p>Shaking her head, Mia locked the car and stuck the key in her purse.</p><p>"Of course Mia swears," Tris said."People who swear have larger vocabularies.It's part of her job description."</p><p>"I'm fucking loquacious," Mia said, steeling herself for the reaction.</p><p>Hurst inhaled a long, loud gasp of horror.Felix and Tris both laughed, and it was the outcome Mia had been hoping for.They went into Sol's, three against one, as Hurst tried to justify why Mia should not swear.</p><p>"I thought I was the bad grandchild," Mia reminded him."It makes more sense for me to swear than you."</p><p>"Why are you the bad grandchild?Just the heathen thing?" Felix asked.</p><p>"Who's a heathen?" Stahl asked, meeting them at the door."Hi guys, the best table just cleared up by the window.Perfect timing."</p><p>"Mia's a heathen," Hurst said.</p><p>"Good for her," Stahl said, and guided them to the table in question.Tris gave him her drink order.</p><p>"It's not just that," Mia told Felix."I don't have a job, I write <em>fantasy</em>, I can't cut the grass or fix the toilet."</p><p>"I see."</p><p>"She's tied with our one cousin," Hurst said, "as the worst grandchild.Not sure if Grandma has her own ranking but it's what we've noticed.Milk, please."</p><p>"Yes, the Hierarchy of Grandchildren.Hurst was in second until he met Tris."</p><p>"I'm a good influence," Tris said.</p><p>"Will someone like me lower your ranking?" Felix asked, while Mia asked for coffee."Same."</p><p>"Great, I'll be right back," Stahl said, smiling at the discussion.</p><p>"Possibly, but you do have your positive points.Like, I can say that you're from a Catholic family, that you've got a good job, a car," Mia trailed off."That's got to make up for the fact that you don't go to church anymore and collect swords."</p><p>Felix snorted."That should be a positive.I can defend your honour."</p><p>"<em>Oooh</em>," Hurst said.</p><p>"But the double-entendres turn it back into a negative," Mia argued.</p><p>Tris snorted.</p><p>"And you swear, so that's a minus," Hurst said.</p><p>"I swear," Tris reminded him.</p><p>"That doesn't count, because you're perfect."</p><p>"Disgusting," Felix grunted.</p><p>Tris cackled."Hurst!"</p><p>"So I shouldn't get all soppy about you?" Mia asked, trying and failing to feign disappointment due to the giggles.</p><p>"Don't!" Felix folded his arms and glared out the window, but his cheeks were pinkish."Sorry.I know I can be rude."</p><p>"You're hilarious actually," Tris said.</p><p>Felix sniffed and did not acknowledge that.</p><p>"Are we both dating people more normal than us?" Hurst asked.</p><p>"She's your ex-girlfriend, and Felix isn't normal, he's <em>exceptional</em>," Mia retorted.</p><p>"What do you mean she's my ex-girlfr--oh, because she's my fiancee!"</p><p>"Right?Because you're engaged, not dating."</p><p>Tris shook her head."Anyway, I've got my negative points too, like I don't have a great job and I'm living with Hurst before marriage."</p><p>"Hurst is the only one with no negatives of his own," Mia said.</p><p>"I'm the golden grandchild," Hurst declared.</p><p>Felix smiled."You sound like my brother."</p><p>"You've got a brother?I at least told you all that Tris has a sister," Hurst accused Mia.</p><p>"Had," Felix said, and tapped his fingernails on the table, expression dropping for a flicker of a second."It's--"</p><p>Stahl rescued them, bringing a tray of drinks."Everything all right, here?" he asked, sensing how different the mood was from when he'd left them.</p><p>"I'm ready to order," Felix declared.The rest of the party hastily opened their menus to make their decisions.</p><p>When Stahl left them to an uncomfortable silence, Felix cleared his throat."Anyway.It was a workplace--accident.Almost twelve years ago.Mia said you work in Ailell."</p><p>It was enough to divert the conversation to what each of them did.Soon, the mood lightened with Hurst telling about horses he'd worked with and their different personalities, and Tris describing the kind of stable she wanted to run someday.Neither of them knew Ingrid personally, but they had heard of her. </p><p>Felix told them about riding as a child, and how Sylvain still did so for leisure while Ingrid was the only one who rode competitively.They commiserated over concussions, then talked about other childhood activities.</p><p>"Mia said you played <em>Ocarina of Time</em> together," Felix said.</p><p>Hurst looked at her like she'd spilled his darkest secret."So you tell your secret boyfriend about us but don't tell us about him?"</p><p>"I haven't seen you much at all since Christmas, am I supposed to send you a profile on him or something?"</p><p>"Uh, yeah!"</p><p>"Glenn--my brother--got me into <em>Zelda</em>.And swords." Felix said, halting."Have you played<em> Breath of the Wild</em>?"</p><p>While Hurst clamoured that yes, he had, and loved it, Mia said that she still liked <em>Skyward Sword</em> best.</p><p>"No, the controls were so frustrating."</p><p>"Just the harp," Mia protested."It felt like you were part of the game!I got so good at fighting."</p><p>"No," Felix repeated.</p><p>"It was so realistic," Mia added.</p><p>"No.It wasn't."</p><p>Mia laughed.They ate, and talked, and Felix slowly opened up a bit.When it came time to decide for or against dessert, Mia gently teased Felix about his dislike of sugary foods and he scowled and used the word 'repulsive'.But he half-smiled, too.</p><p>After splitting the bill two ways--between the two couples--the party found themselves in the cool air of the street.They decided to walk for a bit, and visit some shops, before going back to the farm.</p><p>It felt normal, somehow, even though it was novel to see Felix next to her family.He was the quietest member of their group, but Mia didn't think there was anything wrong with that.Tris had been very quiet when she'd first been introduced.It felt good, now that Felix and her brother had met. </p><p>None of them bought anything, even though Tris kept her eyes open for things that might be useful for the wedding, and Mia browsed the shelves of their local used bookstore.She chatted with Ricken, who worked there part-time.</p><p>When they got home in the early evening, Mia had a brief moment alone with Felix, to hand him back his keys.</p><p>"Sorry it turned into a group date," Mia said."But I think it went okay."</p><p>"Mm," Felix agreed. </p><p>"I'll see you at the end of the month?For the duel?"</p><p>"Yeah.And," he fiddled with the sword keychain before briefly meeting Mia's eyes, "you can tell them.About what happened with Glenn.If they ask."</p><p>"Oh," Mia said."Should I have asked whether you wanted me to mention it beforehand?"</p><p>He shrugged."Sometimes it comes up, sometimes it doesn't.I think I'm glad you didn't tell them before.I just have trouble sharing details.Did I make it weird, when I mentioned him again?"</p><p>"I don't think so."Mia frowned."You shouldn't have to pretend you never had a brother at all.I think if you're comfortable sharing a memory or two, then you should."</p><p>Exhaling, Felix nodded."Yeah.I thought so.I--" he looked down at the keys in his hand "--I'll see you at the end of the month.Thanks for letting me meet your family.Hurst is--kind of a character, eh?"</p><p>"That's an understatement," Mia laughed.She reached for his shoulder with one hand, questioning, and he nodded.They embraced, the leather of Felix's jacket cool against her palms.Boldly, Mia turned enough to kiss him on the cheek.She felt a puff of breath on her ear, a silent laugh.</p><p>The next thing Mia knew, Felix was stepping away, shaking Angie off of his leg."Goddamn--"</p><p>Laughing, Mia bent to try and pull the cat--who had latched on to Felix's jeans--away from her boyfriend.Angie's claws were in deep.</p><p>"Ah--no!Bad cat," Felix gasped.Mia unhooked one paw, and then the second, only for Angie to dig back in with the first.</p><p>"He wants you to stay," Mia said, struggling to remove him.</p><p>"Can't--Estoc will send a hitman for you if so--"</p><p>At last, Mia extricated one squirming Angie and held him up and away from herself and Felix."Are you pleased?Did you get the violence?"</p><p>Bending his knee, Felix rubbed at his abused calf."Can't wait to see the bloodstains later."</p><p>"We have bandaids," Mia offered.Felix shook his head and thanked her anyway.Tossing Angie onto the ground and standing between the cat and Felix, Mia said, "So, can you think of anymore friends who might be in the market for a cat?"</p><p>"Why, does no one want this one?"</p><p>"I honestly can't see why," Mia joked.</p><p>Felix slid his fingers through his bangs, pushing them back."I'll ask around.But don't get your hopes up for him."</p><p>"I know," Mia said."And thanks."</p><p>***</p><p>The vicious feline attack had been the perfect distraction for Felix.His leg throbbed from numerous pin-pricks Angie had left there as he found his way back to the highway.He tried to think of who among his friends deserved a cat like Angie--not Bernadetta, Ashe had his timeshare tom cat, and Ingrid had enough animal-related expenses with her horse-riding.Sylvain had his hands full with Ruin, and while Princess Llamaface could probably use a companion, Felix didn't think it would be kind to suggest Dimitri take a cat that was so liable to bite.That also ruled out Annette, who owned a huge, fluffy dog with exactly one brain cell.The more he thought about it, the less good an idea it seemed.Angie would be hard-pressed to find a permanent, indoor home.</p><p>And although Mia said she was used to cats leading short lives on the farm, it was still sad.It upset Felix to think that the rest of the litter was saved, while this one--sharp and difficult to deal with--had to survive on his own.</p><p>All of his options exhausted, Felix was forced to accept that there was no way he could help the creature.And as traffic slowed to a near-standstill as he got closer to Toronto, Felix found his mind going back to the other conversation he'd had with Mia, and what he'd almost admitted aloud: that Felix wished that she could have met Glenn.</p><p>It was pointless and painful, imagining what it would have been like for them to meet, but Felix did it anyway, as the sun bounced off the truck in front of him, blinding gold.He imagined the teasing he'd be getting.He imagined how Glenn might have supported Felix when he'd brought Mia home for New Year's and started a fight--or how Glenn might have stopped the fight from escalating, or simply offered Mia an escape while the argument continued as it had.</p><p>Felix imagined confiding in Glenn about Mia.About the feelings that were growing and powerful and making him uncertain about his priorities.He imagined Glenn offering to take Angie because a cat that bites all the time and has no manners can't be harder to deal with than having Felix as a younger brother.</p><p>There was no doubt that Glenn and Hurst would have got along.That he would have teased Mia about her interests and Felix.He thought of Mia blithely chirping that Felix was going to show her his sword, and tried to imagine how Glenn would have laughed, and it was hard, and that wasn't fair.</p><p>It was unbearable, because it would never happen, and could never.It was pointless to wish, but Felix did anyway.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>by now you're used to me having fun happy chapters and bringing the mood down right at the end. right? that's my brand or whatever?</p><p>so like do we capitalize parental names Dad Mom etc? i did last chapter but it looks so damn weird. but i'm nothing if not inconsistent so my inconsistencies are consistent and you can count on that</p><p>words: *rhyme*<br/>me: a huh huh huh huh that rhymes<br/>alliteration: *alliterates*<br/>me: a huh huh huh huh that's the same letter</p><p>the title is from vintage Marianas Trench, 'Sicker Things'<br/>the references/quotes are star wars and Corner Gas S1E2 'Tax Man' which, fun fact, is the first episode they filmed for the series. sdjhg too many good quotes in that episode i could have gone on for a thousand extra words. Watch Corner Gas I Implore You.</p><p>Happy Thanksgiving! go roll in the leaves if it's dry! appreciate nature and the season!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. doctor, doctor, gimme the news</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>...I say it's, time forrr, another duel!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the end of March when Felix came down to Airmid for his second match with Lon'qu.The previous video had gone over so well that Mia's services as camera-operator were once again required.Flattering though it was, especially given how she'd made things uncomfortable for Lon'qu, Mia had to admit there was a part of her that did not look forward to watching the two grown men attack each other with heavy pieces of metal.</p><p>Still, despite the noise and the fear she'd experienced the first duel, Mia was mostly excited at the prospect of seeing another one.There was that undeniable cool factor that just went with the territory, and the happiness in Felix's reply when she'd said that she would do it.</p><p>Again with the excuse that he had 'just driven' all the way down, Felix passed the keys to Mia so that she could bring them to Chrom's.Clearly it had been a suitable location for Lon'qu, enough to outweigh the fact that two women also lived there.</p><p>"So, after the duel," Felix said, picking at his fingernails."I was thinking I'd ask uh--what was the older sister's name?"</p><p>"Emmeryn?" Mia supplied.</p><p>"Yeah.If I could wash up there again.And then I'm--" he halted.Mia glanced over at him, to see his whole face was turned away from her.She didn't press, however curious she was.Her plan had been to go to Sol's, the heart of Airmid, apparently, and the best place to eat.After that, she'd assumed he'd drive over to Ailell to visit Ingrid.It was a simple plan, and nothing to warrant such unease.</p><p>After a few breaths, he continued."There's an open house at the edge of town and I thought I'd take a look.You can come.If you want."</p><p>"Like, a house open house?" Mia asked.</p><p>She could feel his glare."What other kind--yes, a house.I'm looking for a house.I'm moving out."</p><p>"Oh," Mia said."Cool.Isn't Airmid a bit far from Toronto?For like, commuting?"There were plenty of people who did so every day, but Mia didn't admire them.</p><p>With a snort, he said, "I'd get my schedule changed so that I could stay in the city for a week or two, then have that long off to get <em>away</em>."</p><p>"Right, that makes sense," Mia said.</p><p>"Don't mock me," Felix spat.</p><p>"I'm not!"Mia hastily looked over at him, not sure why he'd be so defensive."Why, uh--why Airmid?"</p><p>"I'm kind of getting familiar with it," Felix muttered."And I want somewhere small and open and that's just mine.And it's not <em>just</em> Airmid I'm looking."</p><p>Mia nodded.That was fair, although she hoped that being close to her was simply a convenient coincidence.She didn't want him rearranging around her.</p><p>"That's good!Have you looked at anything yet?"</p><p>"No, just online.This would be the first open house in person, so."</p><p>So he wanted someone to go with him, Mia presumed.In a very roundabout way, he was asking for support."I'm not sure I can offer much in terms of opinion," Mia said."You'd probably be better off going with someone more knowledgeable."</p><p>"So you don't want to."</p><p>"I didn't say that--just I've never done it before.But if you want someone to go with you, then I'd be happy to."Maybe she was being impolite, trying to trap him into saying aloud that he wanted someone--her--to support him.Then again, she couldn't be expected to just know when he needed help.</p><p>He huffed, resettling in his seat."Yes," he admitted."I'd like it if you went with me."</p><p>"Then of course I'll go."They were almost at Chrom's.</p><p>"Okay.Thanks.I'd've asked Sylvain--or Ingrid because she'd know better what to look out for--but the timing with the duel didn't work.But I don't really," he stopped, then restarted, staccato, "want to do it on my own.The first time."</p><p>"It'll be the first time for both of us then," Mia announced, signalling to turn into Chrom's driveway, where Lon'qu's dark car already sat.The swordsman was still inside, waiting.</p><p>"House virgins," Felix muttered.</p><p>Mia snorted, "So we'll both be losing our virginity!How exciting."</p><p>"Okay, this time it's my fault," Felix said, clearly stifling a laugh.</p><p>***</p><p>Inside Chrom's house, they were greeted warmly, with the younger sister launching into a discussion of betting pools.Felix raised his eyebrows at her confidence in him, which was clearly intended to tease Lon'qu.</p><p>"Be kind, Lissa," came a new voice.It did not belong to the older sister--<em>Emmeryn</em>, Felix reminded himself--but another blond.</p><p>"You've got another sis--sibling?" Felix demanded, tilting his head. </p><p>"No," the stranger laughed, musically."I'm Libra, I work with Emmeryn.She doesn't have the weekend off so Chrom asked me to drop by instead."</p><p>"You <em>could</em> be our brother," Lissa giggled.</p><p>"Oh.I'm Felix.Nice to meet you."He shook Libra's offered hand."So you're here to give either of us stitches if necessary?"</p><p>"I certainly hope it won't be, but yes," Libra said."Normally I write with the Shepherds and would have been at the closing, but Lissa told me about you."</p><p>"It's nice to see you again," Mia said to him.</p><p>Libra turned to face her."Yes!We met the year before.But everyone told me about your continued rivalry with Virion."</p><p>"Oh no!But do you think you'll do NaNo this year?" Mia asked.</p><p>"I have an idea that might amount to something," Libra said.To Felix, he explained, "I do more visual art than written.Last year I couldn't come up with a complete idea in time, which was fine in the end because I was a lot busier than usual."</p><p>"Ah," Felix said.He didn't say that he probably wouldn't have remembered Libra if he <em>had</em> been at the Shepherd's party.He also didn't ask what Lissa had told Libra about him.She was keeping some distance away for Lon'qu's comfort, swaying where she stood.While he remembered Chrom being the leader of the Shepherds, it was pretty clear to Felix that Lissa was a fixture of the group, herself.She seemed to be the kind of girl who could get along quite well with someone like Ingrid's friend Hilda.</p><p>"And what about you, Felix?Do you have any creative pastimes?" Libra asked, his voice gentle enough to startle Felix into wanting to be honest.</p><p>He shook his head."I've never been creative.Well, maybe as a child," he trailed off.After Glenn there had been no room for it.</p><p>"You're a creative fighter," Lon'qu said, clenching and unclenching his hands as he tried to pretend that Lissa and Mia were not there."That counts for something."</p><p>"Maybe," Felix said.</p><p>Mia nodded."Your cat photos, too.I see you trying to pose them next to swords and things."</p><p>It sounded like an accusation.Felix reddened as Lissa declared how much she enjoyed them.What, were all the Shepherds stalking him online?He was well aware that his account was public, but he supposed he'd never considered that there were people behind the numbers that followed him.</p><p>"Let's just duel," Felix said. </p><p>Lon'qu snatched his sword from where it leaned against the wall."That suits me!"</p><p>The entire group (minus Lissa) tromped downstairs, and Felix immediately peeled off his light jacket to start doing warm-up stretches.He kept one eye on Lon'qu, studying his opponent's routine for anything that might be useful to add to his own.</p><p>When that was done, Felix set his phone up to record and handed it to Mia. </p><p>"Do you need any luck?" she asked.</p><p>"Don't distract me," Felix retorted."I'm going to win."</p><p>Mia laughed and waved him away with one hand.He rolled his eyes and drew his sword--a one-handed broadsword that Felix was very proud to own.He'd had this one custom made by a blacksmith Ingrid knew, who made accurate historical replicas for fairs.</p><p>On the other side of the room, Lon'qu mirrored him, meeting him in the middle of the floor.All the furniture was pushed to the walls or in other rooms, giving plenty of space for the two of them to fight.Tilting his chin up, Felix settled into a relaxed position, sword raised.He watched Lon'qu's face, shoulders, and blade, eyes flicking between them for a clue as to his opponent's first move. </p><p>Felix stepped to the side, with no intention of striking yet.Lon'qu jolted into motion, every angle of his body sharp and tense.Felix took another step, feet light as he forced Lon'qu to circle.It was a dance; Felix was leading.He feigned a vertical slash and Lon'qu responded by leaping backward.Felix knew he had to put the pressure on from the start--Lon'qu was bigger, stronger, and very skilled.</p><p>Just like he practiced, Felix unleashed a flurry of strikes as he forced Lon'qu back towards the wall.The taller man parried, and each time their weapons met vibrations reverberated up Felix's arm.Steel rang loud in Felix's ears and the rest of the room faded away.All that mattered was the blade in his hand and the swordsman in front of him.</p><p>Lon'qu clearly felt the distance between himself and the wall closing.He ground his teeth and held his ground, blocking quickly and taking the chance to make a quick thrust that nearly grazed Felix's ribs.He swatted Lon'qu's sword to the side and his opponent whirled to the side, getting himself away from the wall.</p><p>Knowing how dangerous it was to get caught there, himself, Felix pressed forward.Back in the middle of the room, they traded blows.Felix whipped around and felt his hair flying behind him.Lon'qu grunted and swept his blade up in a shining crescent next to Felix's chin.Gasping, he nearly lost his footing dodging backward.Before Lon'qu could bear down on him, Felix leapt back before raising his own sword to pounce. </p><p>Lon'qu brought his left hand to the hilt and knocked Felix's sword aside as he charged.The impact made his entire arm ring as the noise of it did the same to his ears.Momentum carried Felix forward, and he spun to aim a sharp strike at Lon'qu's back.</p><p>His weapon collided with steel.Lon'qu had blocked behind his back, grunting at the strike and absorbing it with his broad shoulders. </p><p>"Oh, fuck you," Felix gasped.He yanked his sword away and pushed his bangs back as Lon'qu turned to face him, grinning wide.</p><p>"Did you see that?" Lon'qu asked.</p><p>He had, and Felix was so grateful that Mia had been recording, because he wanted to see it again."Watch it in replay and <em>fight</em> me, dammit!"</p><p>Lon'qu's laugh was half-groaned, but he obliged with a lunge that had Felix scrambling to raise his guard.It wasn't easy when Lon'qu was on the offensive, attacking from a height with the kind of speed that Glenn had had.Felix watched his shoulders for the little signals that would tell him where the next blow would land--it was very different from fencing, though.Felix had to rely on his every instinct and fleeting motion in his opponent's torso.</p><p>At last he saw an opening, if he dashed to his right and thrust--</p><p>Pain lanced through his wrist as Lon'qu blocked, wrenching Felix's sword hand backward and sending his blade clattering to the floor.Felix yelled and grabbed his hand, rubbing it furiously.</p><p>"Fuck," Lon'qu breathed, lowering his own sword."Are you all right?"</p><p>"Fine," Felix hissed.That had not felt good at all."Fine."</p><p>"It bent right back," Lon'qu said, and he must have gestured over Felix for Libra because suddenly everyone was crowded around him. </p><p>"It's nothing," Felix insisted, flexing his fingers."See?"</p><p>"Let me see," Libra ordered, his tone brooking no argument.Felix recognized it as one that Mercedes used.The competent voice of medical authority.</p><p>Holding his arm out, Felix looked away.He could feel Mia behind him, standing on her toes for a better look.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Lon'qu said.</p><p>"It's my fault for trying a risky move," Felix muttered.</p><p>Libra examined Felix's wrist, gently feeling it and then rotating Felix's hand.He winced.</p><p>"Ah," Libra said."You might have a sprain."</p><p>"No shit," Felix breathed.Libra looked up at him through his lashes with an expression of extreme disapproval."Sorry," Felix mumbled, and swallowed hard, staring at the wall instead.</p><p>"Some ice will help, and then I can tape it for you."</p><p>Felix nodded."Thanks."</p><p>"Sorry," Lon'qu said again.He had backed off a little with Libra's arrival--and Mia's.He looked sheepishly at the sword in his hand. </p><p>"It happens.I can go on with my left," Felix offered.</p><p>Lon'qu lit up at the suggestion, but Libra gave Felix another stern glare."No," Libra said."This duel is over.The last thing you need is to be swinging your arm around and have it accidentally injured further.You can fight left-handed another time."</p><p>"Fine," Felix grumbled.He sighed and thanked Libra for being there.</p><p>"I'm glad that I was!Now let's find you some ice."</p><p>Chrom led them upstairs, where Lissa greeted them as though she had nothing better to do than hang around the stairs to the basement listening to sword noises.</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>Chrom explained as he found an ice pack."It seems like someone's always got a strain or a sprain or something around here.Here.So the duel is over.Lon'qu wins, I guess."</p><p>"No!" Lissa groaned, throwing her head back."I put twenty bucks on you!"</p><p>Seated at the kitchen counter, Felix shot her a glare."Gambling is a waste of time and money."</p><p>"Mia, your boyfriend is. A.Killjoy.How am I going to face Vaike now?"</p><p>"He wouldn't have been good for the twenty if you <em>had</em> won," Mia said, sitting beside Felix while he pressed the ice pack to his wrist.It was now throbbing.</p><p>"So I'd have broken even!Now I <em>owe</em> money," Lissa pouted.</p><p>Chrom snorted."<em>You're</em> not good for the twenty, either."</p><p>"I am so, it just happens to be my entire nest egg!"</p><p>Looking around their rather spacious home, Felix doubted that was true."Even less reason to bet it all."</p><p>Lissa stuck her tongue out at him."Killjoy!"</p><p>Once again, Lon'qu was left out, his anxiety keeping him away while there were women around.Felix rolled his eyes at Chrom's sister and turned to Mia.</p><p>"You okay?" she asked.</p><p>He nodded."Of course.Mind letting me talk to Lon'qu?"</p><p>Mia jumped up from her chair."Oh!Sorry, I wasn't thinking.Lissa, let's hang out?"</p><p>Lissa didn't argue, which surprised Felix.Instead, she agreed chirpily and bounced out of the kitchen with Mia.</p><p>With them gone, Lon'qu visibly relaxed."Thanks," he said quietly, settling at the counter, himself--though not in the seat that Mia had been in.</p><p>Shrugging, Felix just asked about the amazing block Lon'qu had pulled off."Do you have eyes in the back of your f--of your head?"</p><p>Lon'qu shook his head madly, his face lighting up in another grin."I just <em>knew</em> you'd see the opening, and I reacted before I even thought about it and--"</p><p>Lon'qu rambled on about the fight, and Felix interjected with his own observations and experiences and they both gushed about their weapons.It wasn't half as good as actually duelling, but it was pretty fun to talk to someone like Lon'qu.After some minutes, Libra interrupted to look over Felix's wrist again and wrap it.</p><p>"So you'll have to start here, and then--" he showed Felix how to do it properly.</p><p>"I think I can remember," Felix said. "It's not my first sprain.Thanks again."</p><p>"I can believe that."Libra smiled, and let go of Felix."I'm honestly a little surprised at Mia, though."</p><p>Felix frowned.</p><p>Clearing his throat, Libra said, "I met her the first year she joined the Shepherds, and she was so shy she barely spoke at any of the write-ins.I wouldn't expect her boyfriend to be someone so--" he broke off and looked apologetic "--reckless is one word."</p><p>"Brusque is another," Felix said.</p><p>"Oh, my."</p><p>Felix shrugged.He was <em>trying</em> to be nicer to people, and in no small part because of Mia, but sometimes it was hard."It's fine.I'm aware of my flaws.But the last thing I want is to make her feel bad," he said, in case her friends were taking a roundabout journey to 'if you hurt Mia we'll bury you in the woods'.</p><p>"Of course, and I didn't mean to suggest that you would," Libra said. </p><p>"Yeah," Felix said.He flexed his fingers, irritated by the bandage.Driving home would be a bitch."So if the swelling gets worse and I can't move my fingers, go to emerg, right?"</p><p>Libra was only a little taken aback by the change in topic."Yes, that sounds right.But you should be fine in a couple of weeks--if you take it easy."</p><p>"Sure."Felix didn't like lying to Libra's face for some reason. </p><p>"So what are you going to do now?" Chrom asked, having sat through the sword discussion quietly--although he'd been leaning forward, listening intently.Looking him up and down, Felix thought he'd make a pretty good opponent, himself, if he got serious about it.</p><p>Moving within the vicinity of Airmid was most definitely a good idea.</p><p>"I'm looking at a house," Felix admitted.</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>With a shrug, Felix offered the minimum explanation--that he was tired of being in the city and wanted something quieter.</p><p>"If you were closer we could meet up regularly," Lon'qu said.</p><p>Felix nodded."I know I wouldn't mind seeing your practice routine."</p><p>"You could always see that online," Lon'qu pointed out."I know you don't typically follow people back but--"</p><p>"I only use that to organize my best photos," Felix said."I don't care about the social aspect."</p><p>"That much is obvious," Chrom said.</p><p>Felix just looked at him.</p><p>"Moving to Airmid would mean you'd be closer to Mia, too," Libra said."At the moment I imagine it's not easy getting together, the two of you."</p><p>"Oh," Felix said, studying the bandage around his wrist.He plucked at it."I guess.But I mean, the reverse could be true--that it's not easy being near me for that long."</p><p>"I'm sure that's not true," Chrom said.</p><p>Thinking about how he'd behaved today, Felix knew that it was, indeed, true.Mia had been patient with him so far, but that patience would someday run thin.It was inevitable, because Felix had been cultivating a personality to drive people away.</p><p>"No, I'm not a pleasure to be around," Felix said, moving on from picking at the carefully wrapped bandage to his own fingernails."It's just a matter of time."</p><p>Libra was busy packing up the first-aid kit, but he shook his head."Have you been in love before, then, Felix?"</p><p>There was literally nothing to say to that.Felix blinked at him, confounded.</p><p>"It's just that you say that as though this is routine for you."</p><p>"I'm not <em>Sylvain</em>," Felix said, while his mind raced to catch up with the wording of Libra's previous question."I'm not--I don't just--" From the heat rushing to his face, the answer was quite clear to Libra.</p><p>"It's only natural to worry about things like that, especially when the love is new," Libra said."And it's natural that you might hurt Mia with something you say or do.But the important thing is that you don't want to--which means that you can apologize and make things right.And being closer might be frightening, but it's an important step, too."</p><p>Felix heard some of the words that did not start with 'L' and end in 'ove'."Yeah," he breathed, while feeling like he was in a falling dream.Soon he'd jolt awake.</p><p>Libra closed the lid of the first-aid kit."That's just my opinion, though.You should decide based on what you feel."</p><p>"Mm," Felix said, looking away, at the countertop."Yeah.Thanks."</p><p>"Well, I seem to be finished here," Libra said."So I'll be off."</p><p>Felix thanked him again, as did Chrom and Lon'qu.Libra's departure left room for more sword-talk, until Felix realized that it was almost time to leave for the open house.Lon'qu tried to convince him of Airmid's charms even as he slunk out the front door before Lissa and Mia could reappear.Felix said he'd think about it.</p><p>After that, Chrom gave the all-clear to the women, who had apparently been saving videos and memes to send to Shepherds throughout the year and into November.With somewhere to be, it was easier for Felix to excuse them.They said their goodbyes and took their places in Felix's car.</p><p>"It's a good thing you invited me along," Mia said, starting the engine."What with your wrist."</p><p>Once again, Felix was faced with the drive home.He wasn't looking forward to it, but there were more pressing matters to attend to.</p><p>Mia went on, "It's too bad about the duel, but I'm glad you're not hurt too badly.  I know you lost, but, I mean, I'd still be happy to give a consolation, er," she trailed off, and Felix stopped her before she could get the courage to say any more.</p><p>"No.  I need to--apologize."</p><p>"What for?" Mia asked.</p><p>"In the car, before.  I snapped at you.I was stressed about doing this and I didn't know how to ask for help.I'm sorry."Felix glanced at her face.</p><p>She nodded."I understand.It's a big deal, and kind of weird, too.Asking for help is hard enough."</p><p>"Yeah, but I was too...sharp.That wasn't right."He didn't want Mia to hate him.</p><p>He didn't want to think about the opposite, either, but like his impending drive home, there were more pressing matters.</p><p>"It's fine."</p><p>"So I'll try to be better, next time."</p><p>"Thank you," Mia said.</p><p>That settled, Felix sighed in relief and brought up the directions to the open house. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Libra: I diagnose you with love</p><p>i'm glad i could include Libra after he was missing from previous scenes with the Shepherds. and if it seems contrived it's because it is. i contrived it.</p><p>me after ch39: a minimum of 8 more chapters<br/>me at ch49: ok ok a minimum of 60 total chapters</p><p>oops i still want to write a HIlda &amp; Lissa support chain it's sketched out in my niche one-shot folder and everything. maybe in december hahahahaha</p><p>the title is from 'Bad Case of Loving You' by Robert Palmer</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. you're the king of the sleaze</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felix and Mia shop for a house</p><p>a short chapter before NaNoWriMo!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The realtor's name on the <em>For Sale</em> sign in front of the house had been spray-painted over.Mia parked on the street in front of the house--two stories, which she doubted Felix would need--and looked over at her passenger.</p><p>"Ready?" she asked.</p><p>He was frowning at the house, like it didn't measure up to what he'd seen online.It was a pretty standard building, two floors, white aluminum siding, and a dark roof.The shingles looked a little rough, if Mia had to describe them.The house's facade was splattered along the bottom with dirt and grime, typical of late-march.</p><p>"Yeah.What do you think?"He nodded at the building.</p><p>Mia tilted her head."It looks a little big, but I guess you're accustomed to a lot of extra space."</p><p>"Hm." Felix's mouth pulled off to one side.</p><p>"We'll see better up close," Mia added.</p><p>In her opinion, it looked like an old house, and not in the charming, antique way.Then again, it <em>was</em> March, so there was still that stark winter emptiness to the brownish yard.</p><p>Two chipped cement steps led them inside, where they were greeted by a lanky man in a slim suit.His nails were painted black.</p><p>"Bwa ha!Welcome, welcome!Call me Gangrel--the real estate king of Plegmax!"</p><p>Mia recognized him from signs in Airmid.In his pictures, he always managed to look incredibly untrustworthy--that was no different in real life.Felix curled his lip, not looking impressed at all.</p><p>"Yeah," he said."Show us the house."</p><p>"Right to business!Of course, come in--it's a beautiful building," Gangrel gestured them deeper into the house, showing off empty rooms with crisp white walls.The floors creaked under their steps.</p><p>"As you can see, there's plenty of space!"</p><p>Because there was no furniture, Mia supplied.Felix let out an uncertain hum.Both large first floor rooms--a sitting and dining room, Gangrel suggested--had weird alcoves.</p><p>"Oh," Mia said, remembering something important, "sockets."</p><p>"Plenty of those," Gangrel declared, pointing to the corner of the room, where there was a single socket.Looking up, Mia saw that there wasn't a light fixture on the ceiling.</p><p>"Huh," she said.Felix frowned along the base of the walls.</p><p>"Now, the kitchen, that's something to see!" Gangrel redirected them to a smaller room, which admittedly had a nice set-up.There was good counter space, a window facing the backyard above the sink, and fresh cabinetry and hardware.</p><p>"Doesn't look terrible," Felix said, tapping on fingernail on the countertop.It looked like stone.Probably discount stone, but stone nonetheless.</p><p>"Terrible?Bah!It's all brand new, recently remodelled."</p><p>"Boring colours though," Mia said under her breath.Nothing like a plain white kitchen in a plain white house to remind Felix of home, though.</p><p>"It's called a neutral," Felix said.</p><p>Gangrel cackled."Listen to your sweetie!With a nice neutral room like this, any colour you add will be just the pop you need!"</p><p>Bristling at being called Mia's 'sweetie', Felix demanded to be shown the next room.</p><p>All Gangrel did was laugh Felix's tone off and lead them along.</p><p>Upstairs, they were shown a decent washroom with a weirdly placed window next to the toilet.Mia made a face at it behind Gangrel's back.Felix raised his eyebrow.</p><p>"With some sheer curtains, you'll get some light in here with plenty of privacy," Gangrel rambled on."Brand new vanity."</p><p>There wasn't an electrical outlet in sight.How old was this house? </p><p>The master bedroom was small, about the size of Mia's room at home.Any bed larger than a twin would not fit comfortably in it.</p><p>"Check out this closet," Gangrel said, throwing the door to it open."Plenty of space for the Mrs.!"</p><p>Felix started."No--we're not--I'm looking for a house for <em>myself</em>--"</p><p>At the same time, Mia said, "I'm just here for moral support."</p><p>"Right!'<em>Moral Support'</em>!" Gangrel guffawed."Is <em>that</em> what they're calling it these days?Bwah!"</p><p>"I'm not buying this stupid house," Felix muttered, red-faced.</p><p>"Oh, did I hit a <em>nerve?</em>But it's a very fine home, and a real bargain.And I really don't care <em>what</em> you do once you move in!You'll want to see the rest of the upstairs, at least!"</p><p>"What is the price?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix shook his head."Three-ten."</p><p>Mia tried to picture the number in her head.Three...hundred-ten?Thousand?"For <em>this</em> place?"She was very glad not to be the one looking for a house.</p><p>"Well, it's a great distance to Toronto, close to shopping, restaurants, <em>schools</em>," Gangrel listed.</p><p>Felix coughed.</p><p>Mia patted his back as Gangrel showed them out into the hall.She looked up."So that's the door to the attic?Did they clean it out or is there creepy haunted stuff up there?"</p><p>"Of course nothing like that!It's sealed actually.For better insulation."</p><p>Mia hadn't thought about insulation before this.She nodded, because it sort of made sense, but the fact that the door was <em>sealed</em> also gave her bad feeling about what could be hiding up there.Nests of raccoons?Cursed dolls?Something very wrong with the structure of the roof?</p><p>The extra bedrooms were small, but 'perfect for an office or nursery'.Mia was under the impression that Gangrel had no intention of selling this house anymore, and was purely needling Felix for the fun of it.</p><p>"Shut up," Felix breathed.</p><p>In the 'perfect office or nursery', Mia took the opportunity to look at the window.It was awkwardly high up, providing a lovely view of the blank grey sky.As windows went, it was old.Mia doubted the insulative properties of the single pane of glass in a slightly chipped frame.She doubted, also, the previous owners' commitment to insulation and energy-saving.</p><p>By this point, everyone in the tour knew that Felix was not going to be buying the house, but when Gangrel offered to show them more, Mia nodded to Felix to say yes.If he saw the basement and backyard of a terrible buy like this, then maybe he'd recognize a good one when he found it.</p><p>The basement was unfinished, and dripping wet.The ceiling looked half-rotted, which probably explained the creaking ground floor.Mia didn't know anything about furnaces, but if she had to guess she would say that this one would need replacing soon.</p><p>Gangrel assured them that they could easily finish the basement into a fun rec room for kids.Mia laughed.He wasn't going to let it go.He was actually the worst realtor Mia had ever heard of.Who intentionally alienated potential buyers?How did he have any sales at all, let alone the highest sell-rate in the region?</p><p>The backyard was fine, Mia supposed, open and grassy with a trio of cedars in one corner.There was no fence at the back, though, and Mia was pretty sure she could see dog poop not far from the paved 'patio' area.There was some dingy garden furniture piled against the wall, and the gutters at this side of the house were bowed.The source of the basement's wetness, revealed.</p><p>Mia thanked Gangrel for the tour as Felix tugged her by the hand to the car.</p><p>"Good luck in your search, lovebirds!All the best!"Gangrel waved them off, laughing villainously.</p><p>"I hate that man," Felix grumbled."I'm searching on a different site from now on."</p><p>In the car, Mia leaned forward against the steering wheel and laughed until she was breathless.Felix stared at her, a blend of irritation and desperation on his face.</p><p>"Was it that bad?" he asked.</p><p>Mia nodded."Why was the attic sealed off?Oh my God I think you'd be cursed living there!"</p><p>"Don't be ridiculous."</p><p>"Well did you look at the windows?They did <em>not</em> care about insulation."</p><p>Felix frowned."Oh."</p><p>"And the basement was soaked!It's looked worse than ours!And that's saying something!"</p><p>"Hm."</p><p>"You're not buying this house," Mia concluded.</p><p>"No, and I guess it's not just because of that guy."</p><p>Mia snorted."If you found the perfect house at the best price, but the realtor annoyed you, would you pass it up?"</p><p>"If it was <em>that</em> realtor," Felix said darkly.</p><p>"I think he's got history with Chrom, actually," Mia said, remembering."I remember him mentioning it two years ago?I was new then and didn't want to listen in too much."</p><p>"So he's an enemy." Felix narrowed his eyes.</p><p>It was just like Felix to classify people as 'enemy' or 'friend'.Mia pressed the back of her hand against her mouth, hiding her grin.</p><p>"I guess you could say that.But, like, two stories is probably more than you need right now anyway.It's just you and two cats."</p><p>"Yeah."Felix looked down at his hands--one still carefully wrapped.</p><p>"But I guess it wouldn't hurt to think of I don't know, a long-term--"</p><p>"Not now.I--need to think about something."</p><p>Mia nodded."Sure.Me too.But speaking of--are you good for the drive home?"</p><p>"What, are you saying you'd drive me?"</p><p>"Why not?Maybe I could spend the weekend, see Spinach Puff."</p><p>Felix picked at the bandage."You'd want to?"</p><p>"I mean, you should let your dad know beforehand," Mia added, thinking of Hurst showing up unannounced and causing their parents all kinds of stress.</p><p>He laughed."Fine, if I have to.I mean," Felix swallowed, "I'd like it if you did.I don't want to drive like this."He held up his wrist."I <em>could</em>, just--"</p><p>"No problem," Mia said."We'll go home first, I'll tell my parents about it, and then pack my stuff.I'd offer you to stay, here, but I think my mom would need two weeks advance notice."</p><p>"I'll remember that next time I'm going to be injured by Lon'qu."</p><p>"You'll beat him next time, for sure," Mia said."Left-handed, even."</p><p>"Definitely.And, Mia?Thanks.For going with me.You saw all kinds of stuff I wasn't paying attention to."</p><p>Mia smiled, and pushed her hair behind her ear."Anytime."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wanted to get one more chapter posted before NaNo--tomorrow!  AAAAHHH!! I'm ready. it's all good. so this is probably the last update until well into December.</p><p>no idea why my heart was set on Gangrel as the realtor, but it was between him and Anna. she seemed like the more logical choice to go with and therefore i did the opposite. not confident writing either of them aksdjhg</p><p>Leonie would be the Best house-hunting partner.</p><p>title lyric is from 'Death on Two Legs' by Queen</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. why don't we just savour it?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>a drive and a step forward</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia drove them back to the farm, and the two of them went inside to share their plan with Mia's parents.Outside the door, Angie sat in the damp garden, looking pathetic.</p><p>"Stop looking so pathetic," Mia said, "I know you're just going to bite me."</p><p>Felix stopped to rub the cat's ears.He got bitten.</p><p>Inside, Mia greeted her mom and said that Felix had hurt his wrist in the duel.</p><p>"Oh, no," Mrs. Cecile said."Can you drive home all right?"</p><p>Felix clearly wasn't going to say a single word, so Mia explained that she had offered to drive him since it wouldn't be easy for him in traffic, and with the wind picking up.</p><p>"Okay," Mrs. Cecile said, a little dubiously.Enough so that Mia wanted to scream a little. </p><p>"So I thought maybe I'd also just stay over for the weekend or so," Mia added."And you and dad could get takeout from that place I don't like, and it would all be good."</p><p>"I guess," Mrs. Cecile said.</p><p>The uncertainty in her tone could do one of two things; it could either make it harder for Mia to make up her mind, or it could lead her into making a snap decision.Usually it came out when they were out Christmas shopping together and Mia was waffling on whether to buy something as a gift.Or when Mrs. Cecile wasn't able to decide whether or not to buy a gift, and Mia tried to gauge which answer was the easiest to argue to a faster conclusion.</p><p>"So we thought that I'd come home Monday on the train, if that's all right," Mia concluded.</p><p>Mrs. Cecile thought about this, and then asked whether they had informed Felix's father about this.</p><p>"Yes," Felix said, startling Mia."I texted him, he said it's fine.He's not impressed about the duel though."</p><p>"No, nor should he," Mrs. Cecile said."There must be a safer way to enjoy your hobbies."</p><p>"It's sword fighting," Felix explained.</p><p>"Still," Mrs. Cecile said.</p><p>Since there was nothing to do but make up reasons to feel guilt for--what? Abandoning her family for her boyfriend? Making snap decisions on the fly because it sounded good at the time?--Mia went up to her room to pack.Felix seemed uncertain, as well, hovering at the foot of the stairs and clearly not knowing how to make conversation with Mrs. Cecile.Mia didn't know what the plan was for the weekend, so she gathered not only enough clothes, but also some wire and pliers, as well as her laptop in case she felt like writing or finding out what the Shepherds thought about the results of the duel. </p><p>"Don't forget the phone," Mrs. Cecile said when Mia got to the bottom of the stairs with her things.</p><p>"Are you moving in or something?" Felix demanded, seeing the laptop bag and travel pack of crafting supplies.</p><p>It was perhaps not the best thing to say, but Mia tried to laugh it off."No, but I thought it might be good to get some earring bases done so I can just add the beads later.And bring my laptop for a little revision."</p><p>Mia thought that this might also be a good time to show him her first chapter, as scary as the idea was.She hated the idea of sending it over the internet more, though.The last few months had been spent tinkering away on her novel, and the first chunk of it seemed pretty decent for the time being.</p><p>"Hmph," Felix said.</p><p>"You've got everything you need?" Mrs. Cecile asked."Your clothes?Your license?"</p><p>"It's in my purse, as usual," Mia said."Oh, sunglasses, in case the sky clears."</p><p>"It's not going to clear," Felix said, incredulous. </p><p>"You never know, and then I'd have the sun right in my eyes going into Toronto, bouncing off the Porsche in front of me, blinding me, making me miserable," Mia went on.</p><p>Felix huffed a laugh."We're going to drive behind a Porsche?"</p><p>"Who knows?It could be a Subaru."</p><p>"Worst are those trucks with the metal boxes in the back."</p><p>"Like my brother has," Mia laughed.</p><p>"So you're all set?" Mrs. Cecile managed to interrupt.</p><p>"Yes," Mia said, and hugged her mom."I'll see you soon!Have a nice weekend all to yourselves!"</p><p>"Yes, I'll tell your dad," Mrs. Cecile said."Have fun.Drive safe."</p><p>"I will," Mia promised.She had experience from the winter.</p><p>"Good."</p><p>They moved to the entryway and got their shoes and jackets on, and then Mia hugged her mom again and gave her a kiss on the cheek, told her she loved her, and headed back outside.</p><p>Felix was bit again by Angie on the way out."Bastard," he said, pointing at the cat and then realizing his mistake as Angie lunged.Felix yanked his finger away just in time."Sorry I still haven't found anyone willing to take him."</p><p>"No worries," Mia said."As you can see he's sort of only got himself to blame."</p><p>"Still."</p><p>"He'll be fine," Mia lied. </p><p>Felix snorted."All right.I'll keep thinking though.So are you going to sing this time or not?"</p><p>Laughing, Mia put her things in the back seat."If you want me to, sure."</p><hr/><p>Felix let himself feel a bit better about his injury and the drive and losing and the shitty house.Mia was driving, he could basically lean back and watch her hands on the wheel.All he had to do was pick something for her to listen to.</p><p>"<em>Ever After</em> marathon?" Mia suggested.Felix considered it--he had heard her sing the opening song on the album already. </p><p>"Why don't you just do <em>Phantoms</em> since you like it so much," he said.</p><p>"Well, <em>you</em> like <em>Ever After</em> better, so I thought that we'd go with that."</p><p>Felix put on <em>Phantoms</em>.</p><p>The song's first note was a long, loud, drawn-out '<em>HEEYYYYY!!!'</em> and Mia threw herself into it as she pulled onto the highway.</p><p>
  <em>Do you hear me?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do you hear me now?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On a midnight dreary</em>
</p><p>
  <em>STAAYYYYY</em>
</p><p>It was a short, a cappella segment, and at the end of it Mia giggled.She fought her way to the HOV lane and set the cruise control.</p><p>The whole album was very doom and gloom, but that seemed to make it more fun for Mia.She seemed to feel no self-conscience screaming about being haunted and the ghosts of past love.It was funny that she had zero experience on the matter.</p><p>"Hey," Felix said, turning down <em>Don't Miss Me?</em> before it really got started."Can I ask you something?"</p><p>"Sure," Mia said."Anything."</p><p>"Is it weird?That you're coming over for the weekend?Like with your mom?"</p><p>Mia shrugged."Kind of, mostly because I never even went to friends for sleepovers, really, and if I did then I'd end up crying and stuff because I couldn't fall asleep.And there's the whole question of me not knowing what I really want to do and being generally not very impulsive most of the time.But I mean, it's weird because it's new, not because it's bad."</p><p>"Huh."Felix thought it was weird, not because it was new or bad, but because he really liked it.He caught Mia waiting for him to elaborate, and looked out the window at the fields passing by.They were bare and wet.</p><p>
  <em>I tell myself that I, self that I, I can do</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do with the space between, the space between me to you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm just a drink away from honesty so who knows what's true</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I'm wondering, wondering, if maybe you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You don't miss me too</em>
</p><p>"I guess," Felix began, "I'm trying to thank you.And I'm hoping," he paused, wracking his brain for the best way to say what he was sort of feeling, "that maybe you'll want to offer again."</p><p>"Invite myself over?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix nodded, but Mia's eyes were on the road."Yeah.Only not because I'm hurt."</p><p>"It was a convenient excuse.But next time maybe I won't bother looking for one?"</p><p>Felix smiled.He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it in front of his face and then pushing it aside."Cool."</p><p>Traffic slowed as they got closer to the city, as expected, and Felix turned the music back up so that Mia could belt along to <em>Wish You Were Here </em>and <em>Your Ghost</em>.He watched her tap her fingers on the steering wheel and the way her hair fell just past her chin.</p><p>"Your hair's longer," he noted.</p><p>"Yeah," Mia said, touching it subconsciously with one hand."I'm growing it out for the wedding.Since I'm in the wedding party and all, might as well let them just do whatever with my hair before cutting it all off again."</p><p>"It's all right like this," Felix said."I can't imagine you with it long."</p><p>"Are you trying to?"</p><p>Felix blushed.</p><p>"Your hair is longer too," Mia said."I like it.Up and down."</p><p>"Hmph.You saw Glenn's picture.You know he had it long."</p><p>"Is that why you do?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix didn't know why they had to talk about Glenn, but it was a little easier while in the car listening to music about ghosts, perhaps."Kind of.Kind of like how it feels."</p><p><em>Glimmer </em>came on, and Mia waited for Felix to say more, but he just flicked his hand at the car's dash.Seeing the movement out of the corner of her eye, Mia went back to singing, softer this time.Her enthusiasm returned for <em>I Knew You When</em>, then waned again for <em>The Death of Me.</em>She had to pay more attention to driving as the wind beat at the side of the car, and Felix squeezed at his wrist with his good hand, wondering how this would affect his work this week.As the chorus built up, Mia got louder again, and Felix smiled at the way it seemed to subconscious.The words reminded him of when they had been singing together, and he still felt that way--but maybe he shouldn't? </p><p>
  <em>But my unsteady heart's not ready</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And you would only get what's left of me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Only this, only this</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is gonna be the death of me</em>
</p><p>Felix more or less just mouthed the words while hiding his face in his collar, looking at his faded reflection in the window.He did so through the second verse and felt bold enough to sing along, very quietly, during the chorus.</p><p>
  <em>I've forgotten how it feels</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To have my head over my heels</em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I don't want to walk away</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>But it's not fair to let you stay</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I fall apart beyond a kiss</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I cast away upon your lips</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Only this, only</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Be the death of me</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gonna be, gonna be</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Gonna be the death of me</em> </b>
</p><p>Felix sang with Mia, who flashed him a grin before turning her attention back to the road, all the way to the end, when the song devolved into a drawn-out instrumental ending in a creepy backwards whisper, during which Mia said, mocking, "I thought you weren't into <em>Phantoms?</em>"</p><p>"I've been studying up," Felix said."Since you think it's so great."</p><p>Mia laughed."It is!"</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."And also I won't be able to play you anything this time, since, you know." He held up his wrist.</p><p>"That's fine!So are you backing me up on <em>The Killing Kind?</em>"</p><p>"Someone has to do the scream," Felix shot back."We know you can't."</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>The car's speakers opened on the first low notes of the album's closing track.It was now or never, and no one, not even Felix, was truly immune to <em>The Killing Kind.</em>His lower voice would suit the first lines better than Mia's anyway.</p><p>
  <b>I roam these halls, search the night</b>
</p><p>
  <b>In hopes that I may see</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A remnant trace, a glimpse of you</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I stare into the deep</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Singing I know, I know, I know, I know, I know</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I know my love can be</b>
</p><p>
  <b>The deep stares back, speaks to me</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I know my love can be</b>
</p><p>
  <b>The killing kind</b>
</p><p>Mia sang the next part, not needing a cue, and the pitch of her voice fit well with the song as it rang out through the car.Felix joined her for the third part.The two of them took turns, still singing fairly quietly.Each of them knew that the volume needed to build, slowly, until the background instrumentals reached a frenzy and the song began its descent into madness.</p><p>By the time Felix had to do the scream, both of them were shouting the words, trying to be louder than the other, and Felix was so grateful that it wasn't summer and no one had their windows open to hear this nightmarish racket. </p><p>
  <em>Sing it for me baby, singing me to sleep</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Singing don't love the bottle but the bottle loves me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One for the memory</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Two for the pain</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Singing don't love the bottle with the deeper disdain</em>
</p><p>Felix joined her on the second repetition, and they both shouted the third, and their voices cracked on the fourth. </p><p>
  <b> <em>One for the memory</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>A hidden melody</em> </b>
</p><p>The song went quiet and Mia sang, her voice raw and beautiful.</p><p>
  <em>I think of you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I dream of you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ever more</em>
</p><p>
  <b>Ever more</b>
</p><p>It was not easy to hold a note, and Felix was glad for a break, even if his excuse was just to listen to Mia.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, do you hear me?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do you hear me now?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On a midnight dreary stay</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Stay near me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Stay near me now</em>
</p><p>Felix couldn't let her finish alone, so he coughed into his fist and the two of them grinned and yelled out the final part of the song, a finale that somehow still managed to get louder and louder.</p><p>
  <b> <em>If madness overtakes us both</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Then nobody would be alone</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>The ghost of us can linger here</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Forever not to disappear</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <em>Stay</em>
</p><p>
  <b>Stay near</b>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, stay</em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>We could be together here</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Forever we're</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Together bound in madness</em> </b>
</p><p>Both of them struggled to achieve a section of difficult vocal gymnastics, failing miserably.Zeros all around. </p><p>
  <b> <em>Here and now!</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>If this is it!</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Why don't we just savour it?</em> </b>
</p><p>There was time for a single deep breath until they had to strain to get their pitch as high as was possible.</p><p>
  <b> <em>Just hush~</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Eleonora</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Stay!</em> </b>
</p><p>Both of them laughed while gasping for air, and after a few seconds of pause, the album looped back to the start.Felix half-laughed and groaned, his face scrunched, but joined Mia, their voices straining to sing the opening track. </p><hr/><p>Rodrigue was not there when Mia pulled into the garage of the Fraldarius mansion.She felt a little like she was breaking a rule, getting her things out of the backseat and then standing aside so that Felix could gather his sword up, in his arms, hugging it like it was his precious baby.</p><p>That was not true, of course.Felix's precious baby was Estoc, and everyone was aware of that.</p><p>They entered the house through the garage, and Estoc ran to greet them, her tail shaking with happiness at the return of her favourite person.She yelled in greeting and Felix leaned his sword against the wall to scoop her up.</p><p>"So, um," Felix began, when he could tear his attention away from Estoc."Let's take this up to my room?"</p><p>Mia nodded, feeling better about this arrangement when Rodrigue was not in the house, and also because she was getting more comfortable with the idea of sleeping beside Felix.She trusted him--she had every reason to.It was nice.Mia hadn't ever really done that before, and she had never expected to feel any amount of comfort with Felix when she had met him.</p><p>But he was singing.He was smiling.He was making friends with people Mia knew, and getting along with her brother and trying to be polite around her parents.It felt lighter to be around him.Mia felt lighter around him. </p><p>"So I was thinking," she said, setting her stuff down in the corner, "I've brought my laptop along and maybe you wouldn't mind--well, um--looking at my first chapter?I've rewritten it twice to get it right, and I think I did, but I can't really be sure."</p><p>"Too close to it," Felix said, repeating something Mia had told him while complaining about the whole revision process.</p><p>"Yeah.And I'm sort of--not really sure I want the other Shepherds to see it yet."Mia had complicated feelings about letting other writers see her work.She wanted their feedback but feared that they would find her style awful to look at and be better able to tear her plot to pieces.Felix was an in-between--she trusted him to be honest, but he also wasn't a writer.He read the genre Mia liked, but he wouldn't use words like 'denouement' or probably even 'pacing'.He would say whether it was good or not and leave it to Mia to figure out the rest.She hoped.</p><p>"But you'd let me?" Felix asked, doubtfully.</p><p>"Sure," Mia said.</p><p>"Fucking why?"</p><p>"Because I trust you?"</p><p>Felix scoffed."I don't know how to be--<em>nice</em> about shit like this."</p><p>"I just need you to be honest.And I've kind of learned that when you say you 'don't hate' something it means that you really like it."</p><p>Felix looked away determinedly."Wh--" he cut himself off and put his sword away too casually.So his plan was to pretend that Mia had not discovered the key, the Rosetta Stone of Felix.It was fine with her.</p><p>"So will you look at it?" Mia asked.</p><p>"Okay.If you want.I'll read it."</p><p>It was still scary getting someone else to read her writing, even if she did trust him.Mia nodded."Good.Good, thanks."</p><p>"It'd be weird to read it while you stare at me," Felix said.</p><p>"Yeah, for both of us.I can entertain the cats, or do some jewellery," Mia suggested.</p><p>"Won't you be nervous the whole time?"</p><p>Mia shrugged."That wouldn't change if I e-mailed it to you from the other side of the planet."</p><p>"Yeah, Airmid's the other side of the planet," Felix said, his voice flat.</p><p>"It feels like it," Mia said, dramatically.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes and left his wall of swords to cross the carpet, which was as wide as the whole country, to get to Mia."You know you don't have to let me look at it."</p><p>"I know, but I think I'm at the point where I <em>need</em> input.It's vital.That's why you write, isn't it?Because you want someone to read it?"</p><p>"You sound like you don't want that," Felix pointed out.</p><p>"Because I don't, because it's scary, but I'll never get any further than I have if I don't start.And I'm ready to put my trust in you."</p><p>Felix nodded, and found her hands.He lightly held them with his, the bandage on his right hand rough against her fingers."Okay.So what should I know?Am I supposed to look out for anything specific?"</p><p>"No just read it like you would anything," Mia said."I don't really care if there's a grammar mistake or anything, just if you think that it's worth reading more of."</p><p>"So it's more to know if it's interesting then the quality of your writing?"</p><p>"Pretty much.I mean, if there's something unforgivable, point it out, but I don't really think I need to be finicky about individual words if I'm supposed to start it earlier or later or something."</p><p>"That makes sense.Anything else?"</p><p>Mia was relieved that Felix was taking this seriously, and not just making grabby hands at her story.She hadn't ever done this before, so she didn't know if there was anything else that she wanted him to tell her, but for the time being, it felt pretty good.</p><p>"I think that's it.I think this is a learning experience for me, too?I don't know what I really need in a first reader."</p><p>"I'll try my best," Felix said."But if you want an actual book report I'm not doing that."</p><p>"Well, that would have been great I'm sure, but I don't think I need you to go that far.Today," Mia said."Thanks.Should I boot it up now or do we eat first?"</p><p>Felix suggested that they eat.Together they made a simple dinner, ate, and cleaned up, which meant filling the dishwasher.As someone who hand-washed and dried dishes, Mia thought this didn't exactly count as 'cleaning', but was glad not to have to do more than that.</p><p>Then, Mia opened her laptop for Felix, already feeling totally scandalous leaving him to his own devices on her device.She lumped all the extra files on her desktop into a single folder to sort through later (never), and left just Chapter 1 on its own in the very centre of Spinach Puff's face.</p><p>She clicked on it so that Felix wouldn't even see that.</p><p>"Okay, here it is," Mia said."I'll, uh--"</p><p>"You can just sit in here," Felix suggested.</p><p>And look over to see him reading?No."Not a chance," Mia said."I'll go down and make earrings with the cats."</p><p>She snatched up her crafting case and fled downstairs.</p><p>The cats weren't all that interested in what Mia was doing.Estoc flicked her tail to the side, suspiciously, and then slunk upstairs.Spinach Puff jumped into the bay window and stared at his reflection in the glass.</p><p>Mia leaned back and started to work, the snip of wire making Spinach Puff's ears flick back to her now and then.He was getting very big, which made Mia happy.She admired his stripy fur and made earring after earring, and tried not to think about how embarrassing it was to have someone reading her writing. </p><p>After some time, and several earrings, and Spinach Puff had gotten bored of the window, Felix cleared his throat from the stairs.He held Mia's laptop, closed, in one hand.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>"Hey," Mia sat up straighter, to look at him over the back of the couch.</p><p>"It's good," Felix said, descending the rest of the way with Estoc on his heels.Mia's heart sang."There was one bit where I didn't care about why they became friends, but most of it was faster and that was good."</p><p>Mia wondered if he had thought about how he wanted to word his feedback ahead of time, and still found a way to sound disjointed and uncertain.</p><p>"Oh, good.Do you, um, find the protagonist likeable?"</p><p>"I don't really--like a lot of protagonists," Felix admitted, handing Mia her laptop.She set it on the coffee table."But I didn't--hate him."He laughed."Sorry I'm bad at this.I know you told me a bit about the way magic works but I think it was a good way to ease it in.I can believe that more shit's going to go down by the end of it."</p><p>Mia put her tools away in their plastic case and made room for Felix to sit beside her."So you think it's a good first chapter?"</p><p>"Yeah.I want to see where it goes.And how you work Estoc in, but--your writing is smooth.I think you know what you're doing, more than you think you do."</p><p>Probably he was not just saying that to make her feel better.Mia knew that he was too honest for that.Still, the worry existed in the back of her mind.</p><p>"So you think other people would be interested, too?Like, it's gripping and exciting and all that?"</p><p>"Okay, part of it is because I know there's going to be a sword in it," Felix admitted."The other half is wondering how the magical world is going to affect the mundane."</p><p>Mia turned this over in her mind. </p><p>"Was I supposed to say something different?" Felix asked, seeing Mia's concentration and clearly interpreting it as a negative reaction.</p><p>"No," Mia said, quickly."I'm just trying to think what this means I should do.I'm going to write down what you said and deal with that later."</p><p>"I wrote down my reactions," Felix said.He tilted his head to the laptop."I made a new document.I hope that wasn't overstepping."</p><p>Mia blinked."Oh.No, that was smart.Thank you."</p><p>She was feeling pretty neutral about this whole experience, which she supposed was for the best.Sure, her heart wasn't soaring with enthusiasm, and Felix hadn't gushed about how much he loved it, but that wasn't the kind of person he was.She desperately wanted to know what he had written about her chapter.</p><p>"So I think that counts as a victory for you," Felix said.</p><p>Mia looked up at him, confused but pleased."Yeah?Good.I think chapter two is almost ready, so I can maybe be brave and send that to you when I've finished--"</p><p>"Yeah," Felix interrupted."It's a <em>victory</em>."He said it insistently, while leaning into Mia's personal space, and she was suddenly flustered with no explanation why.</p><p>"Okay?" Mia said.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."I'm trying to--just shut up so I can kiss you," he muttered.</p><p>Mia shut up.Felix closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to hers.Closing her eyes, Mia held her breath through it and sighed when he pulled away.</p><p>"So it was good?" Mia squeaked.</p><p>Felix, rosy cheeked and suddenly shy, nodded."Of course it was.You're doing well.You're good at stuff."</p><p>"Oh," Mia said.She smiled, and Felix kissed the corner of her mouth, so she retaliated by kissing his cheek.She thought about getting his jaw, too, but he won by finding her lips again.Next time she would get him, Mia thought, as she tentatively parted her lips against Felix's.</p><p><em>Someone</em> cleared their throat from the door.</p><p>Felix practically pushed Mia away.He whipped around, his ponytail flicking her in the nose.</p><p>"<em>What?</em>" He snarled."Shut up!"</p><p>Rodrigue coughed into his fist."Ha," he said, wearing an anxious smile."Sorry to--well!How nice that you could drive Felix home, Miss Cecile."</p><p>"Uh," Mia said.</p><p>"I'm going to--well!Mm, head into the kitchen now!How is your wrist, Felix?" Rodrigue blurted it all as he skittered away, tripping over Estoc.</p><p>"It's still sprained," Felix shot back.</p><p>"So sorry to hear it," Rodrigue called over his shoulder."Sorry, Dahlia!"</p><p>Mia wanted to scream, so she instead shared a look of mortification and silent laughter with Felix.</p><p>"Oh my God," Mia mouthed.She thought that they should probably apologize to Rodrigue, but doubted he wanted to see them at the moment.</p><p>"We should tell him that there's leftovers," Felix said.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>guess who picked a fight with a fellow writer and finished NaNoWriMo on day 15! spoiler alert, it was me! I mean, I still have a couple thousand words to tag on to the end of it, but my personal race is over so I can slow down and indulge in other projects at the same time. Which is good, because my main project is approaching an emotional segment that i can only manage in short bursts.</p><p>so i'm using NaNoWriting Time to continue this! huzzah! i've written something almost exactly like this before, but it's fun! and i needed a familiar chapter to get back into it.</p><p>can you tell i hate describing food? almost as much as describing clothes? wow i have a lot to work on i guess. this also ends kind of abruptly but whatever. the need to post outweighed the need to taper this off</p><p>the title is from Marianas Trench's 'The Killing Kind', and all lyrics are from songs off their album 'Phantoms' which I've gushed about before. the last time i wrote the drive to Hotel Fraldarius was my love letter to Astoria, this time it's my love letter to Phantoms. i need to broaden my music taste or something askdgh but i won't</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. but nothing is as bad as it seems</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>about 30 chapters ago i laid the groundwork for something and you know what? we're following up on it today</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The house in Felix's dream was splitting at the seams, weighed down by something.The ceilings bowed downward, and the windows creaked while the frames around them bent and twisted.Felix had to get out, but he didn't know the way.He kept opening the doors to empty rooms, one after another, empty and echoey while something pressed down from above.</p><p><em>It's probably the whole roof on fire</em>, Felix thought.</p><p>Sure enough, flames began to lick at everything, and the leaves on the tree outside went from green to orange in a rapid change of season.<em>Gotta get out</em>, Felix thought, trying to find his way.Where was the realtor?Why would anyone try to sell him a house that was on fire? </p><p>Right, Mia was here with him.Felix didn't know where, though.All the rooms were on fire, blazing bright, everywhere he turned.Maybe she was already out--maybe--she had been looking at the attic because the door had been closed and she had thought that was stupid, but the roof was what was on fire, and he heard screaming as the whole ceiling collapsed.</p><p>Felix woke up, fighting his sheets and flipping from one side to the other. </p><p>"Felix," Mia said, softly."Felix, are you all right?"</p><p>No, he wasn't.Felix turned away from her, curling up on his side.He raked at his bangs, shaking.Why?Why, why, why, did his stupid brain think he needed to see that?What was the point?Without sitting up, Felix reached with his left hand for the drawer of his nightstand, rummaging blindly for his notebook and pen. </p><p>"Felix, it's okay," Mia said.</p><p><em>No worries, I just got nightmare bingo</em>, Felix thought.His mouth was dry.He thought he might let out a wretched, dry sob, but managed to bite his tongue and keep quiet.Holding onto his notebook, Felix realized it wouldn't do him any good if he didn't turn on the lights.Instead, he clutched it to his chest and tried to reason out that he was fine, Mia was fine, there was no fire, and his brain was simply being an asshole.Nothing was wrong.</p><p>It wasn't the first time he'd had this <em>kind</em> of dream, though usually it was a stable or an apartment building instead of a house, and normally he was looking for his father, Dimitri, Sylvain, or Ingrid.Sometimes he searched for Glenn.It wasn't right that Mia be added to the list.</p><p>He knew why his mind supplied him with this helpful subconscious message--it was simply to remind him that he could lose these people at any time.He knew it.Felix still hated it.He was supposed to be stronger than this. </p><p>"Are you all right?" Mia asked again, and Felix felt the dip in the bed behind him, where she leaned over him, worried. </p><p>Swallowing, Felix managed to say, "Just a dream.'M'fine."</p><p>Mia leaned back, giving Felix space.He wished she would come closer again.</p><p>Gathering his nerves and telling himself for what would not be the last time that it was just a dream, Felix sat up and fumbled for the lamp's switch.He leaned on his right hand and stretched out his left, which sent a throb of pain through his injury.Felix found the switch, but turning it on while staring at the lamp was a mistake.Felix flinched away and flipped open his dream diary.</p><p>He didn't want to be detailed, but knew that if he wasn't, he'd try harder to hang onto the details.Filling out the rest of the information was easier, <em>theme: fire, myself, Mia, strange house</em>.Felix added a note about the previous day's open house, which was probably a big part of it.There, see?It was all to be expected after a busy day of new information.</p><p>Felix snorted.Sure.Why couldn't his mind process new things without sending him into a panic?Some of it was no doubt related to his growing feelings for Mia, and the topic that Chrom's friend the doctor had inconveniently brought up.Felix had been doing very well up until then, thank you very much.</p><p>With a sigh, Felix held onto his pen and book for an extra minute, just so that he wouldn't have to face Mia before he was ready.He knew what the dream meant, and what his feelings were.This was not going to be the last time he dreamt something like this.All of his past efforts to get the nightmares to stop had failed.The dreams had continued, and no matter how Felix tried to push people--his loved ones--away, he would always be afraid of losing them for real.</p><p>An unreasonable, cruel part of his brain suggested that perhaps that had not happened yet <em>because</em> of his efforts at keeping them distant.<em>It's fake</em>, Felix told himself, <em>not real.That's not how anything works</em>.But what if it was? </p><p>Groaning, Felix threw the notebook back into its drawer and slammed the pen on the nightstand.He flicked off the lamp before sitting up.</p><p>In the dark, he could feel Mia was still watching him, lying partially on her side.</p><p>"I swear this doesn't happen every night," Felix said, his voice not as strong or convincing as he wanted it to be.</p><p>"That's good," Mia told him.</p><p>Felix fidgeted, tugging at the sheets."Anyway, I'm fine."</p><p>"Okay.If you ever want to talk about it, then I'll listen."</p><p>It didn't seem to be the right choice.Felix was already opening up to Mia, trusting her and being outgoing with her and showing sides of himself that he hadn't let anyone see in years, or perhaps ever.If she saw all of him, if she knew his weaknesses and his fears, then he'd want her to stay.If he let her stay then something terrible would happen.</p><p>"I don't know if you could help," Felix said.</p><p>"I know I can't," Mia told him."But sometimes it helps to talk it out.I guess--it's not something you've done before."</p><p>"No, well--kind of.But not in detail."</p><p>"That's fine, too."</p><p>"I think I'm going to uh--" Felix got up, stubbing his toe on the nightstand, and went to the washroom.When he returned, Mia was sitting up.She could probably see him better than he could see her."You don't have to worry about me," he told her.</p><p>"I'm going to anyway," Mia said.</p><p>"Don't."</p><p>"I'll try."Mia sounded doubtful.</p><p>Felix grit his teeth as he sank back into bed."I dream about fire a lot."</p><p>"Oh, that's scary."</p><p>It wasn't even the fire that was the scary part."Bad things happen to people.I can't--ever do anything.I can't."</p><p>"Felix," Mia sat up.Her hand found his shoulder, and he thought about just leaning closer.Instead, he rolled onto his side, facing away.</p><p>It wasn't supposed to keep hurting like this.His fears weren't supposed to get the better of him.But Felix found himself reliving the fear that the dream had made him feel. </p><p>"Do you want me to sing?" Mia asked.</p><p>"No," Felix said, pressing his face into the pillow.</p><p>"If there's anything I can do," Mia said.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Okay," Mia said.</p><p>Felix didn't think she sounded hurt, but he knew his tone hadn't been friendly.He flopped onto his back and rubbed at his eye, forgetting the bandage.It scratched unpleasantly on his eyelid."Sorry.It shouldn't be a big deal.I'm too old to be asking for help dealing with bad dreams of all things."</p><p>"Sounds like it's not <em>just</em> a bad dream if it's made you so upset," Mia observed."But I understand not wanting to talk about it."</p><p>He supposed that Mia was right, in that it wasn't 'just' a dream, it was a combination of all his fears and scars screaming at him.And what for?</p><p><em>Oh, right.To face it and figure it out, like Mercedes says your dreams are for</em>.Felix sighed and pulled his hand out from beneath the covers.He rested it between them, palm up.Maybe if he wanted to be stronger than this, he had to face it head-on.</p><p>"I'm afraid of losing people," Felix whispered.</p><p>He doubted Mia had heard him, but she put her hand in his and laced their fingers together.Her thumb rubbed at the spot where the bandage met the skin, gently.Felix made himself turn his head and look at her.</p><p>"I," he began, a little louder, "dreamt about that house.It was on fire.I couldn't find you in it."</p><p>"Oh," Mia said.</p><p>When Felix thought of it, it hadn't really been <em>fire</em>, just really bright, and orange all around.He remembered the leaves going from green to orange.</p><p>"And then the ceiling collapsed."</p><p>Mia tapped his palm with her thumb."But you didn't <em>see</em> me in there," she said.</p><p>"This time," Felix breathed.Next time, who knew?"And that's not the point.I'm afraid that if I don't keep people at arm's length, then something will happen."Admitting it stole his breath.Felix turned his face back to the ceiling and squeezed his eyes shut.</p><p>Mia was quiet.She kept holding his hand, and he listened to his heartbeat threatening to drown out his thoughts, and felt a little sick.He didn't think he'd be able to fall asleep.This hadn't even been one of his worst dreams.It just was all too much, too fast, he supposed.</p><p>"If there's something I know," Mia said softly, "it's that you can't always protect what you care about.It's not in your hands.Whether or not you follow some arbitrary rule to keep them safe.The point is to cherish the time before it's over."</p><p>This was something Felix had heard before.He knew it, but it didn't mean he could convince his dreaming mind of it.</p><p>"I don't know if we're going to spend the rest of our lives together," Mia said, "and I don't really care.I like being around you.And I said that I gave you Spinach Puff so that his life would be lengthened, but the truth is that something could still happen even though he's far away from the farm.And if it did, it wouldn't be because he's got a name or I loved him."</p><p>"Mia?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>Felix looked at her again."I don't know if I can believe that."</p><p>"That's fine.It's about what you do, anyway."</p><p>"Hm."Felix thought it all through.He glanced at the clock, seeing that he'd kept them up for about half an hour."I don't know either.About what the future holds."</p><p>"That's how it's supposed to be," Mia said.</p><p>"I guess.But I like being around you, too.And you're saying that it's better to enjoy that then be afraid?"</p><p>"Yes," Mia said. </p><p>"I don't think I'm going to stop...having that fear."</p><p>"Felix, I wouldn't expect you to.And it's good that you want to protect people, and I'm glad that you include me in that group.I wish it didn't give you such bad dreams, though."</p><p>"Like I said, it's not every night," Felix said.</p><p>"Are you feeling a little better now?"</p><p>Felix nodded, slightly."Yeah.I think.Thanks for putting up with me."</p><p>"I'm happy to return the favour," Mia said.</p><p>Remembering how bad their hands had cramped the last time they'd fallen asleep with their fingers entwined, Felix separated his from Mia's, then brought her whole hand to his chest, holding on to it like a child holding a stuffed bunny.</p><p>"That's not good for my arm," Mia said, pulling it away, making Felix feel cold and stupid.But then, she turned onto her stomach and offered him her other hand.As she relaxed into sleep, her fingers spread over his chest, opening up.Could she feel his heart beating?Felix found he could find her pulse easily enough, and kept his fingers over it.Slowly, he found himself relaxing, too.</p><hr/><p>In the morning, despite her hopes, Mia was stiff and uncomfortable.When she tried to move, her shoulder twinged with sharp pain.Terrific.But looking over at Felix, who was on his back, sleeping peacefully, she figured it was worth a little discomfort.On the pillow just near his head, Estoc was curled up.She watched Mia with narrow eyes.</p><p>There was unfortunately no way to convey to the cat that she meant Felix no harm, and never wished to take Estoc's place as Felix's favourite.So Mia just stared back, and Estoc continued to glare, while Mia's shoulder felt like it was going to pop out of the socket.</p><p>Finally, Felix moved."Hm, shit, I trapped you."He let go of Mia's hand, and she laboriously brought it to her side, rolling her shoulder. </p><p>"How did you sleep?" Mia asked.</p><p>"Good," Felix said."A little bit of house-tour dreams but not as bad.What about you?"</p><p>"I managed to sleep, too," Mia said.</p><p>"That's a relief."</p><p>It was.Estoc, now that her favourite person was awake, asserted her role as the supreme Duchess by licking Felix's hair.</p><p>"Stop," Felix muttered, trying to get up without hurting his wrist or flailing into Mia or head-butting his cat.</p><p>On the nightstand, his phone started to buzz violently.With a growl Felix managed to half sit up, his hair falling in a tangle down his back.Mia considered straightening it with her fingers, but decided against it.</p><p>"What?" Felix snapped into the phone.</p><p>There was a pause.</p><p>"Shut up, you said <em>Mercedes?</em>How the fuck does <em>she</em> know?"</p><p>Another pause.</p><p>"Yes, I'm fine.No.No, there's no need.Well Mia's here, that's how I got home."</p><p>Felix hung his head.</p><p>"It's six in the morning."</p><p>Mia heard laughter on the other end.</p><p>"Fine, fine, whatever.It <em>feels</em> like it."</p><p>Felix clicked his tongue."Yeah.Sounds great," he said, as dry as absolute zero.</p><p>After a few heavy sighs, Felix said goodbye and ended the call, putting his phone face-down on the nightstand.He fell onto his back and rubbed his eyes.</p><p>"So that was," Mia began.</p><p>"Dimitri," Felix finished."He's worried because he thinks I might've broke my wrist.Apparently Chrom's doctor friend and Mercedes know each other from...some church thing?And somehow found out that they both know me."</p><p>"Oh, that's funny," Mia said.She could certainly see Libra and Mercedes getting along, but she would never have guessed that they already knew each other.</p><p>"So everyone who's, I don't know, got nothing better to do?Is coming down this afternoon."</p><p>"You just can't stop people inviting themselves over," Mia laughed. </p><p>"Dimitri thinks this is the perfect time to do something 'fun' as a 'group'."He said it with resignation, his sleepy morning voice laden with doom.</p><p>"You can handle it," Mia assured him. </p><hr/><p>The people who had nothing better to do than visit their wounded friend included Dimitri, Mercedes, Annette, and Sylvain.Mercedes and Annette brought cookies, and Sylvain brought an exciting piece of news that had him practically vibrating.</p><p>"Look at this, look at this!" He brought up a picture on his phone.Felix looked at it first, and smiled with half of his mouth.</p><p>"Not bad," he said.</p><p>"<em>Not bad</em>," Sylvain repeated, mocking."It's incredible.A leap.I'm walking on the moon, here, Felix!All you can say is '<em>not bad'</em>."</p><p>"So do you want another one?" Felix asked, and Mia's question was answered before needing to ask when Sylvain turned his phone towards her so that she could see.</p><p>On it was a picture of Sylvain, sitting on the corner of a couch that had towels covering it.His face was glowing with giddy, childlike joy.On his lap was Ruin.</p><p>"Oh, wow!That's amazing.I never thought he would be a lap cat," Mia said.</p><p>Sylvain danced, wiggling the very tips of his fingers."I'm a dad!My baby Ruin loves me!"</p><p>Dimitri grinned, too, even more when he got to see the picture.</p><p>"And no," Sylvain said, "one is plenty.You guys saw what the couch looks like under those towels.I can't go through that again."</p><p>"Neither could your couch," Mia agreed.</p><p>Felix snorted.Annette let out a loud 'awww' at the sight of the picture, and Mercedes smiled, eyes scrunching closed.</p><p>"That's quite the achievement!" she said."We should celebrate!"</p><p>"Agreed!" Dimitri said.</p><p>Sylvain asked what they thought they should do.</p><p>Annette clapped her hands once."Ooh!I know!Remember when we were all talking about doing karaoke?"</p><p>"No," Felix said, alarmed.</p><p>Whenever that subject had come up, Mia hadn't been there.The thought of singing in front of other people (more than one specific other person) made her stomach do a flip."Oh, I don't know about that," she said.</p><p>Felix shot her a grateful look, but it was short-lived.</p><p>"I love that!" Sylvain said."We all said we should!What do you think, Mercedes?Care to duet with me?"</p><p>Mercedes giggled behind her hand."I don't know Sylvain--can you stand to share the spotlight with someone else?"</p><p>Feigning injury, Sylvain gasped."Of course I can, when you shine far brighter than I do, anyway!I would happily spend the rest of my days in your shadow."</p><p>"Oh, Sylvain," Mercedes laughed.</p><p>"I don't want to," Felix said.</p><p>Dimitri, on the other hand, was in full agreement with the others."Yes!We have to do this--I'm calling Sweetpea to see if they can make it, too!It was their idea, after all."</p><p>"What about security," Felix said, a clear last-ditch attempt to stop this endeavour.</p><p>"Do you really wanna sing in front of your coworkers?" Annette asked.</p><p>"<em>I</em> will not be singing," Felix said.</p><p>"Me neither," Mia agreed."But I'm fine with going as long as I don't have to."</p><p>"Sure thing," Annette said, as Mercedes said that of course no one would make either of them feel pressured into doing something they didn't want to.</p><p>Considering how good Felix's friends had seemed in the past, Mia decided to take them at their word.</p><p>"First let's have some of these cookies," Sylvain said."I can smell them from here."</p><p>"These ones are ginger and spice," Mercedes said, holding aloft the top tin she was holding.</p><p>"For Felix," Annette clarified."Since he's the reason we're here.Well, the primary reason.Sylvain's massive cat accomplishment is the secondary reason."</p><p>"I should've been more careful in that stupid duel," Felix muttered.Mia knew he didn't mean it. </p><p>"Yes!" Mercedes said to Annette."Sylvain, that must be the first time in a few months that you've had--"</p><p>"Don't say it," Felix interrupted.</p><p>"--someone in your lap," Mercedes finished.</p><p>"You are cruel to me," Sylvain said."Dimitri, she's a cruel woman."</p><p>"I seem to remember that all of this is your doing, and idea," Dimitri said.</p><p>"Dimitri is cruel," Sylvain whined.</p><p>"Don't you fucking look at me," Annette said, when he turned his big brown eyes to her for assistance."Sorry Mr. Fraldarius."</p><p>Rodrigue coughed from the hallway.</p><p>"Hello, Rodrigue," Dimitri said, and then, "I've let Sweetpea know.They say they can make it."</p><p>"Of course," Felix said.</p><p>"What about Ashe?He was there when we talked about it, too!"</p><p>"He's working, I'm afraid," Dimitri said, putting his phone in his pocket."He told me he'd be busy all day.That was when I called to see who would be able to drop by earlier."</p><p>Annette pouted."Too bad.I bet he'd have sung <em>Señorita </em>with me."</p><p>"Ashe?He's way too shy," Felix snorted.</p><p>"Are you volunteering to, then?" Annette leaned into his space.</p><p>Felix retreated behind Mia."<em>No!</em>"</p><p>"I'll sing with you," Sylvain offered.</p><p>Mercedes waggled her finger."You were going to duet with me!Oh, I knew it would end like this!I was such a fool..."</p><p>Everyone laughed and moved into the kitchen.Two of the tins of cookies were opened before they even reached the counter.The group of friends bickered over which songs they would sing.Sylvain suggested Dimitri sing <em>Never Gonna Give You Up</em>, and the latter didn't understand when the others made an uproar about it.</p><p>"You don't even know what a <em>Rickroll</em> is?" Mia asked.</p><p>"No, don't explain it--" Sylvain protested, as everyone rushed to do just that.</p><p>After a lengthy lesson on the history and use of the <em>Rickroll</em>, Dimitri nodding all the while, the confused hockey player said, "I'm sorry.I just don't understand."</p><p>The whole group groaned and tried between bites of cookie to explain it again, and why it was funny, especially as something happening this year, after it had existed as a joke for so long.</p><p>At the end of it, Dimitri was still confused."I'm glad that you all think it's funny, though.I'll have to try it sometime."</p><p>Mia imagined Dimitri linking to the video without trying to do any of the misleading that usually preceded it.He was likely to announce the video, drop the link, and then proudly declare that he had Rick Rolled the recipient.From the way Felix had his face in one hand while holding a ginger snap cookie in the other, he was picturing the same thing.Unlike Sylvain, he didn't seem to find it funny.</p><hr/><p>They hung out at home for a few hours, making a light lunch and eating more cookies, which even Felix had to admit were delicious.The spicy cookies had the barest amount of sweetness to them, which made the ginger even more noticeable.Their texture was nice, too.Felix couldn't stop eating them.</p><p>When evening rolled around, they divided into two groups to get to the karaoke place.Dimitri had originally gotten a ride with Sylvain, but he squished himself into Felix's backseat, probably to make sure that Mia would not be misdirected by Felix into driving to somewhere unrelated and quiet.</p><p>"You would have given her the directions to your fencing club," Dimitri said, confirming that Felix had been right in his assumption.</p><p>"I'd have followed Sylvain," Mia promised.</p><p>"At least I'm not the only one who won't be singing," Felix grumbled."This is ridiculous."</p><p>"Are you sure you won't sing, Mia?" Dimitri asked, leaning forward to see between the two front seats."I think your voice would be very pretty."</p><p>"You don't even know anything about music," Felix snapped."Mia doesn't like to sing in front of people."</p><p>Dimitri hummed."From what I've heard, there's no reason to be nervous.No one would be judging you, because everyone is just out to have a fun time."</p><p>"Still," Mia said."I don't think I will."</p><p>"I know that I won't sound good at all, but I'm very excited anyway," Dimitri said."You couldn't have just followed Sylvain, because we have to pick up Sweetpea."</p><p>"Oh, right!Where will we find them?"</p><p>Dimitri looked at his phone and gave directions.Sweetpea was waiting by the road, standing in a literal ditch by an on-ramp to the Highway 400.Felix found that he wasn't surprised.</p><p>"There they are!" Dimitri said, pointing.</p><p>Mia did a double-take, then signalled her way over to the sidewalk.Sweetpea flashed a peace sign as they crawled into the backseat beside Dimitri.</p><p>"Hello friends," they said, monotone."I caught a shiny Caterpie.See?"</p><p>They held up their phone, revealing that they'd named the digital creature 'Snuggles'.</p><p>"You're lucky it's still cold," Mia said, "or you might have caught a tick."</p><p>"Summertime, more like lyme time," Sweetpea agreed, or Felix thought that they were agreeing. "Thank you for the ride, Mia," Sweetpea added.</p><p>"No problem," Mia said, returning to traffic. </p><p>Sweetpea tapped the back of Felix's seat."I can't imagine you singing.Why are you coming along?"</p><p>As if it were easy to imagine <em>Sweetpea</em> singing.Felix shrugged.Saying 'I was bullied into it' was the wrong answer, so Felix allowed himself a bit of positivity."I guess I don't mind listening."</p><p>"You should buy a round of drinks if you aren't singing."</p><p>"That's fair," Felix said.He would spend thousands to avoid having to sing (in front of more than one specific person).</p><p>"Sorry, that was a joke.They won't have the PokéRap, will they?" Sweetpea said.</p><p>"You never know," Dimitri said, while Felix groaned and told them 'probably not'.</p><p>"I've been practicing," Sweetpea explained."My cousin is obsessed lately.She got me into it--there's fishing so it's a good game."</p><p>"How old is your cousin?" Mia asked.</p><p>"I don't know," Sweetpea said, turning their attention back to their Caterpie."She's collecting all water types, so she won't be impressed by this.Well, water and dragon."</p><p>They were still talking about Pokémon by the time they caught up with Sylvain's group at the karaoke place.Mia had never been to such a place and had no idea what to expect.</p><p>"<em>The Savage Mockingbird?</em>" Mia read doubtfully.</p><p>"It's very cool," Sweetpea assured her."Sometimes the owner sings.I think it's a front for something."</p><p>"Terrific," Mia said.</p><p>"Perfect place for Dimitri to visit," Felix muttered.But then, the coach should know this already, that Dimitri had a public persona to protect.Perhaps it was another 'joke'.</p><p>Mia parked on the street and Felix fed cash into the meter.The evening was cold, and by now Felix thought that things should be greening up.Instead, he was still in the coat he'd been wearing all winter, and grateful to be inside.</p><p><em>The Savage Mockingbird</em> was nicely lit, which was not at all what Felix had expected.It was bright, and warm, a big open room.At the moment, a blonde woman was singing Alanis Morisette's <em>You Learn</em> at the top of her lungs.People sat clustered around tables, snacking on fries and drinking a colourful assortment of beverages.</p><p>Surprisingly, Felix didn't mind the atmosphere.Sweetpea took the lead, apparently having been here before, but still unable to recall what kind of music was available.They wove through the tables to one near the wall, but not too close to the little stage.It was the one that Felix would have picked.The group plunked themselves into their seats, shedding their outer layers and chatting.They kept their voices quiet, not wanting to disturb the current singer.</p><p>On the table was a large book with a list of the songs available.Annette grabbed it immediately, to browse the selection.</p><p>"Ooh, I've sung this one on my channel--ooh, this one got me a lot of hits--ooh I've never sung that--"</p><p>"I bet I could meet people here," Sylvain said, looking out over the patrons."Oh, he looks cute--"</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes.He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, waiting for someone to ask them what they'd like to drink. </p><p>"She's good," Mia said, leaning closer to Felix and pointing to the woman on stage.</p><p>"Hm," Felix said.He didn't like her voice as much as Mia's, but there was no doubt that she was good.He couldn't say that much, though, so he settled for "I guess."</p><p>Mia laughed.She had on one ring, smaller than most of her other ones--turquoise, red, and gold.It sparkled when she rested her hand under chin and watched the singer.</p><p>There was a round of applause as the woman finished, not looking happy with her performance.Still, she bowed before leaving the stage. </p><p>The woman who asked for their drink orders had bright red hair and called Sweetpea 'Chatterbox', which seemed to amuse them.Mia ordered a rum and coke and Felix got a beer, not planning on getting drunk enough to get on that stage.</p><p>"Two of us have to stay sober," Sylvain said.</p><p>"It's no problem for me," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix snorted."You don't drive, idiot."</p><p>"I'll be one designated driver," Mercedes said.</p><p>"I can drive," Felix said."It's in-city and my hand isn't completely useless."</p><p>"You sure?" Sylvain asked.It was like he didn't think Felix could stand to be among friends without drinking.</p><p>Felix gave him the finger with his injured hand."Yeah, I'm sure.I'm not in the mood to drink much, anyway."</p><p>"Then Mia, let me buy you a drink," Sylvain said with a wink.</p><p>Mercedes smiled sweetly."Why don't we play a drinking game?Every time Sylvain flirts with someone who isn't his duet partner, he has to take a shot!"</p><p>Sylvain rested his hands behind his head, laughing nervously."Sounds fun!You all know I was just joking with Mia, right?It was a joke."</p><p>"Yes of course," Mercedes said."So was my suggestion."</p><p>"Nonetheless, I am committed to you, my dear Mercedes, if only for the night," Sylvain declared, recovering rather well.</p><p>"And it will be one of the best nights of your life, I'm sure," Mercedes said.</p><p>"How could it not be?" Sylvain launched into a sappy speech about duets, which Felix might have suspected he came up with in the drive over--if it wasn't likely that he had been flirting heavily with both Mercedes and Annette in that time.</p><p>When Annette accused Sylvain of being all talk and no action, Sylvain extended his hand to Mercedes and the two of them put their song request in at the counter.In the meantime, a pair of men began singing a Backstreet Boys hit.</p><p>"We're lucky," Sweetpea said."There aren't many people here tonight."</p><p>"It's still more than I'm used to," Annette said."Now that I think about actually singing in front of people and not just my webcam it's kind of scary."</p><p>It was only two more singers before Mercedes and Sylvain were called up to the stage.They had kept their song choice a secret, and Felix snorted when he heard the first notes of <em>I Got You Babe</em> start to play.Mercedes opened, and Sylvain joined, grinning wide.They played off each other well, and Mercedes' singing voice was practiced and sweet.Beside him, Mia rocked from side to side, smiling.</p><p>"Oh no, but I love this one, too," Annette said, pointing to something in the big book of songs.She sat on Mia's other side. </p><p>"I could sing it with you," Dimitri offered.</p><p>"Do you know it though?" Annette asked, spinning the book around to show him.</p><p>He made a face."I do not."</p><p>"I've never even heard of that," Sweetpea said, barely looking at the page.</p><p>Annette pouted."Mia?"</p><p>Mia leaned over to look."Oh, I do know it!Hm--maybe after another one of these?" She wiggled her half-full glass.</p><p>Felix didn't like the sound of this.He had thought Mia's singing was something she did just for him.It was unreasonable, he told himself, to feel jealous--but that didn't stop him from stewing as Annette squealed happily and got up to request her song.</p><p>"Am I doing something stupid?" Mia asked, leaning closer to murmur just to Felix.</p><p>"No.Maybe," Felix said."You'll have fun."</p><p>"I hope so!"</p><p>"Pretend that you're singing to an empty room," Sweetpea suggested.</p><p>"Does that work for you?" Mia asked.She had a big gulp of her drink.</p><p>Sweetpea shook their head."I don't feel fear."</p><p>Of course not.Felix sipped his beer."Don't get plastered," he said to Mia."I don't need you throwing up on me."</p><p>"I will not be doing either," Mia said."I just want to get a little past the point where I stop caring about what other people think."</p><p>"Take comfort in the fact that you will never see any of these people again," Dimitri suggested.</p><p>"What about all of you?" Mia asked.</p><p>Sweetpea crooked one eyebrow."You don't have to see any of us again either, if it goes that badly."</p><p>"Comforting," Felix said.</p><p>Annette returned, tripping over Dimitri's chair before landing in her own."Woo!We're totally doing this!You're my fucking hero, Mia, you know that right?"</p><p>"Yeah," Mia said, bringing her glass to her lips."We'll be fine.We'll rock the house, even."</p><p>"They won't know what's hit them," Annette agreed.</p><p>Sylvain and Mercedes finished their duet and returned.Sylvain pulled Mercedes' chair out for her and kissed her hand before sitting down, himself. </p><p>"That was fun!Everyone loved us," Sylvain said.</p><p>"You were great," Dimitri agreed.</p><p>There wasn't much more gushing before the next singer was on stage, and they felt the need to speak quieter out of respect for her performance.Felix watched as Mia got more nervous as the evening went by and her time slot with Annette drew closer.</p><p>"<em>I'm</em> looking forward to it," Felix said, low, while the others were once again distracted by Sweetpea's talk of Pokémon."And Annette's going to steal the spotlight anyway--there's no need to worry."</p><p>"I heard that," Annette said."Bastard."</p><p>Sylvain, on Felix's right, covered Felix's ears."How could you?"</p><p>"Stinky. Bastard. Man."</p><p>"Meanie!" Sylvain gasped.</p><p>Felix shoved Sylvain's hands away."Get off, jackass."</p><p>Mercedes covered Sylvain's ears."Felix!"</p><p>At least this nonsense made Mia laugh, just as she and Annette were called up to do their song. </p><p>"Break a leg," Sylvain said, somewhat in a headlock by Mercedes.</p><p>"Have fun," Felix told her, under his breath.</p><p>Annette grabbed hold of Mia's hand and declared, "We've fuckin' got this!"</p><p>They went up to the stage, accepted a microphone each.For a moment, Mia looked absolutely paralyzed, while Annette giggled nervously into the mic.It got Mia to look over at her, and the music started play. </p><p>Felix leaned forward in his seat.</p><p>Annette nodded, and she and Mia started to sing.</p><p>
  <em>I really wanna stop</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I just got the taste for it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I feel like I could fly with the boy on the moon</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So honey hold my hand, you like making me wait for it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I feel like I could die walking up to the room, oh yeah</em>
</p><p>Felix didn't think he knew this song.Mia and Annette watched the lyrics on the screen over each other's shoulders, their voices quiet and a little hesitant.</p><p>
  <em>Late night, watching television</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But how'd we get in this position?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's way too soon, I know this isn't love</em>
</p><p>There was the tiniest of pauses, when Felix and the entire room could hear the two women inhale.</p><p>
  <em>But I need to tell you something</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I really really really really really really like you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?</em>
</p><p>They both smiled, Annette brightly, and Mia shyly, as they got into the song.Annette bounced a little, then faced the room.Her earlier nerves were clearly forgotten, singing louder and louder.Mia was too nervous to look away from the screen, or Annette.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, did I say too much?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm so in my head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When we're out of touch</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I really really really really really really like you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I want you. do you want me? Do you want me too?</em>
</p><p>Felix didn't know why he should be blushing--he'd only had three quarters of a beer and wasn't the one up there singing--but his face was so warm.He wanted to be the only one in this room.Maybe it wasn't so bad that Mia had agreed to this.He'd probably never hear her singing with Annette any other way.</p><p>
  <em>It's like everything you say is a sweet revelation</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All I wanna do is get into your head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah we could stay alone, you and me, in this temptation</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sipping on your lips, hanging on by a thread, baby</em>
</p><p>The second chorus was even better than the first, as they both really really got into it.Mia and Annette singing together was probably among the cutest things Felix had ever seen, he decided.He wondered if he should be recording this on his phone--but that would be rude, because he hadn't asked for permission.</p><p>
  <em>I don't know how to act</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Or if I should be leaving</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm running out of time</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Going out of my mind</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I need to tell you something</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, I need to tell you something</em>
</p><p>Mia sang the chorus, while Annette let out a long, strong <em>'Yeah!'</em>They were a team.It was wonderful.</p><p>
  <em>I really really really really really really like you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, did I say too much? (Did I say too much?)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm so in my head (I'm so in my head)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When we're out of touch (When we're out of touch)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I really really really really really really like you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?</em>
</p><p>They finished strong, and Mia hid her face, then bent over laughing.Felix stood up to applaud.Annette put her arm around Mia's back and giggled madly, and both bowed.Annette waved as they left the stage, returning their mics and skipping back to the table.</p><p>Mia turned her face away, crunching into her shoulder, as she got closer and saw that Felix was still standing.He put his arm around her shoulders before she could sit down.</p><p>"You were great," he said in her ear, as the rest of the table said the same.</p><p>Blushing, Mia sat down and threw back the melted ice cubes at the bottom of her glass."I'm <em>never</em> doing that again!"</p><p>"Oh, but you were so fun to watch," Mercedes said.</p><p>"I can't believe we did that!" Annette said.</p><p>"Annette, you share your singing all the time," Dimitri said.</p><p>"It's different!I can't see who's listening!And I scream after each song I post!"</p><p>Felix tried not to laugh, or ask Mia if she felt the same about the songs she recorded for him.</p><p>"You looked very relaxed up there," Sylvain said."Both of you can feel free to sing more whenever you want."</p><p>"Nope," Mia said.</p><p>"We'll see," Annette said doubtfully.</p><p>Mia shook her head."That was a limited, special one-time event.I'm never singing in front of people again."</p><p>"You're both really good," Felix said."Annette, you don't normally dance in your videos."</p><p>"Shut up!Felix, I was <em>not</em> dancing!"</p><p>"Then what were you doing with your feet up there?"</p><p>"Nothing!You saw nothing!"</p><p>Felix thought she had looked quite good up there.He didn't see why she was getting defensive when she had been the one to suggest this."But I did see, and I thought you were good."</p><p>"You weren't supposed to be watching me!You were supposed to be watching your girlfriend!"</p><p>"She was good too," Felix said.</p><p>Annette stuck her tongue out and then hid behind her hands.</p><p>"We were awesome," Mia promised Annette."Not doing it again, but I'm kind of glad you asked me.It was fun."</p><p>"It was!Thanks for joining me!"</p><p>"Now it's Felix's turn," Sylvain announced.</p><p>Felix swore at him."No!"</p><p>"Come on, Felix!" Annette whined."You gotta!Serenade Mia!"</p><p>"I was told I wouldn't be pressured into singing if I didn't want to," Felix reminded them."And what about Dimitri?Or Sweetpea, since this is their idea."</p><p>"Right," Sweetpea said."Dimitri, sing <em>Never Surrender</em> with me."</p><p>Dimitri couldn't say no to Sweetpea, apparently.They requested their song and returned to the table, where the group ordered something to eat.Mia scooted her chair closer to Felix's to steal fries off his plate.Dimitri sang horribly, as expected, while Sweetpea was surprisingly expressive.Sylvain went up again, choosing to sing <em>Turn Me Loose</em> by himself.Mercedes shook her head at his song choice, but smiled, too. </p><p>Surprisingly, it was a fun evening.If the others wanted to do it again, Felix found he wouldn't mind going along to listen.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ajhfg i don't know how karaoke clubs work i just wanted singing and uwu Felix to see Mia and Annette sing together and just. die instantly.</p><p>i really said 'forget Byleth I'm calling them Sweetpea from now on'</p><p>also can't believe i'm giving dlc characters cameos before Claude. Claude whom i love. but i kinda think of him as like an up-and-coming politician and just can't find a place for him. that or a curling superstar but that is also. not likely to appear.</p><p>Songs! there's lots. the title is from P!NK's duet with Nate Ruess, 'Just Give Me A Reason' which is probably my favourite duet out there (followed by Let Me Go by Avril Lavigne ft. Chad Nickleback but i digress). the girl singing Alanis Morissette is supposed to be Constance, no idea why. but I enjoy 'You Learn' best of her songs. Sylvain and Mercedes sing a famous Sonny and Cher song. Annette and Mia sing 'I Really Like You' by Carly Rae Jepsen, 'Never Surrender' is by Corey Hart, and 'Turn Me Loose' is by Loverboy. That last one is the most Sylvain song i can think of?? he'd sing it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0053"><h2>53. and i'm still waiting for the rain to fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>April</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the end of the first week of April, it had warmed considerably and the trees looked like they might burst into bud any second.Easter was that weekend, and Mia and her mother decorated the house with bunnies and eggs.The holiday itself wasn't very special to Mia, but she loved the feeling she got in the spring, the sense that everything was waking up and beautiful.Songs sounded better when the sun shone warm through the window.The air smelled alive and if not green, then wet and muddy, and that was its own kind of sweet.</p><p>The sheep had their lambs, wobbly and unsteady on their long legs.It was always a treat to see them in the field for the first time, literally frolicking.</p><p>Mia's grandmother on her mother's side visited, and Hurst brought Tris, and Mia felt guilty, like she should have invited Felix.He was busy with his house-hunting, though, and working from home making up schedules and talking to clients over the phone, rather than shadowing Dimitri.He told Mia that he was pretty good at answering phone calls, which Mia hadn't believed for a second.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> ha ha. i do know what day it is</p><p><b>Felix:</b> d i lk lk smn w jks?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> it's april 1 and you just told me you were good on the phone</p><p><b>Mia:</b> nice try</p><p><b>Felix:</b> nd to work on that eh</p><p><b>Mia:</b> im sure you'll give me a doozy next year</p><p><b>Mia:</b> here's some ideas to get you prepared</p><p><b>Mia: </b>&lt;sent link&gt;</p><p><b>Felix:</b> i know w th will take me Mia</p><p><b>Felix:</b> and Dimitri already tried</p><p><b>Felix:</b> *failed</p><p> </p><p>Easter had only come up in the context that Felix would be dragged to church for Good Friday service, which Mia didn't envy him for in the slightest.She thought of him all through the day, and wondered how things might have gone had she invited him for the weekend.If not that, then just Sunday for lunch.</p><p>She imagined his reactions to their turkey, and the dessert afterwards of mousse, which still would have been too sweet for him.When she tuned out her brother's question about how her writing was going, Mia faced the facts--she missed Felix.She wanted him to be here.Next time, she thought, she'd ask if she could invite him. </p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> how was church</p><p><b>Felix:</b> so fun</p><p><b>Felix:</b> u shouldv bn there</p><p><b>Mia:</b> wish I had been</p><p><b>Felix:</b> dnt b sappy</p><p><b>Mia:</b> u strted it :(</p><p><b>Felix:</b> :(</p><p><b>Mia:</b> oh? what happened to the moratorium on little faces</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ws mocking u?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> &gt;:(</p><p><b>Felix: </b>w th &gt;</p><p><b>Mia:</b> the.. the eyebrows?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> &gt;:)</p><p> </p><p>Mia laughed.She rubbed her finger over her lips and thought about how easy it was talk to him, and she hoped that he found somewhere closer to live, soon.</p><hr/><p>Felix's house-hunting continued, going poorly at first.He found a different agency, swearing never to look at any house shown by Gangrel--or anyone who worked with him--ever again.The houses with his new choice were mostly in the county of Ailell, which Felix was fine with, since it would put him closer to Ingrid, while not looking like he was trying to move as close as possible to Mia.It would also be near enough to Airmid, meaning it would still be easy to meet up with Lon'qu.</p><p>The first few houses were more fixer-uppers, as Leonie put it.Ingrid had suggested that Leonie knew her stuff and would probably make a good partner for his searching, although Felix had been doubtful after the things Gangrel had suggested about Felix and Mia.But he caved when Ashe heard about the sealed-off attic in the first house and insisted that it had been haunted.</p><p> </p><p><b>Ashe:</b> no. no no no no im not visiting if you buy a house thats haunted</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ghosts r n real</p><p><b>Ashe:</b> please take someone with you</p><p><b>Ashe:</b> your life depends on it</p><p><b>Ashe:</b> you will die if you dont</p><p><b>Felix:</b> fine! f i w see if leonie is free</p><p><b>Ashe:</b> thank you thank you you will be so much safer with her</p><p> </p><p>The realtor who showed him the first house in Ailell did not seem to care who Felix was shopping with.She was chipper, and optimistic that the house's flaws could easily be repaired.It was at the third one that Felix had had enough.</p><p>"With a little work, you could easily restore this house!" she declared."It's a great price and the money you save can go to redoing the kitchen and washrooms--the way you'd like to see them!"</p><p>"Mm," Felix said."I'm hoping not to do much work."</p><p>"No?" The realtor looked at him in shock. </p><p>"No," Felix repeated.</p><p>Leonie was laughing into her hand."You should have lead with that."</p><p>He looked at her irritably.  Wasn't that why Leonie had come with him?  To make the whole process easier?</p><p>The realtor sounded like a 90's anime villainess."Ah hahaha!Then there's no need for you to see the rest of this house!I can find more recently repaired homes, but they will cost a bit more."</p><p>"It's fine," Felix said.</p><p>"I could've helped with repairs," Leonie said, in a way that sounded more like 'you could've hired me to do repairs'.</p><p>"Maybe," Felix said."If I can't find a good one.I'll keep you in mind."</p><p>"'Attaboy," Leonie said, grinning.</p><hr/><p>Felix drove back and forth to Ailell all month long, staying at Ingrid's and going house-hunting with Leonie, and sometimes Mia, on the weekends.He kind of hated it, especially the busy drive, but he also enjoyed getting to see Mia every weekend--and having lunch with her and Leonie at Sol's was not terrible either.Sometimes Ingrid was able to come along, and once Leonie managed to talk Marianne into joining them.It was pleasant, and relaxing, and Felix got the impression that Mia appreciated the excuse to see not just Felix, but his friends, as well. </p><p>She polished up her second chapter and he read it at Ingrids, and talked about it with Mia on her couch, drinking too-weak coffee.It was better than her first, and Felix was tempted to tell her to just start with it.But he could see how there were aspects of the magic system and characters that needed to be described in the first chapter.</p><p>"I'm going to try to get the first one to sound more like the second," Mia said."You were way more excited about this one."</p><p>"I wasn't--excited," Felix protested."Chapter two is just more--entertaining.There was more happening."</p><p>"Right, and I can maybe put a little more tension into chapter one--or at least have some of that familiarity in it that I did by the time I got into chapter two."</p><p>"Whatever, if you want," Felix said.</p><p>Mia smiled and made notes on her laptop.</p><p>The weather kept getting warmer, and before long the trees Felix drove past were in full bud, on the brink of exploding into fresh green.It made him optimistic about his search, as ridiculous as that was.He felt like things could continue to improve, get sunnier and warmer, day by day.At home, it was nice enough to practice swinging his swords outside in the backyard, and Sylvain and Ashe visited to throw assorted things for him to slice through.It was not his favourite thing to do, but a neighbour up North had wheedled him into doing a video of himself slicing fruit years ago and according to Sylvain it had been hugely popular, so Felix had grudgingly agreed to continuing them.</p><p>On Fridays Mia still sent him songs, but halfway through the month she said that it was the last one for some time.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mia:</b> break the spell. last one before curling season starts in oct</p><p><b>Felix: </b>?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> fri is mix curling night so i have the house to myself</p><p><b>Mia:</b> i can make as much noise as i want w/o feeling self conscious</p><p><b>Felix:</b> o</p><p><b>Mia:</b> and the ice is melting for summer so fri is no longer...Mia time</p><p><b>Felix:</b> is t spposd t b a pun?</p><p><b>Mia:</b> no of course n y would u think</p><p> </p><p>Felix was disappointed that this would be the last for some time, but if he was lucky, then he'd find a house close by and maybe Mia could visit and sing--</p><p>It was probably a lot to ask, and he was grateful enough for the songs he'd gotten from her.They wouldn't go bad, and he was happily listening to them in his headphones, to fall asleep to or relax after work.But the thought of hearing more made his heart pick up speed a little. </p><p><em>Break the Spell</em> was very good, but in Felix's opinion it was more how he felt about Mia, than something she would feel about him.With a negative spin, of course, but still.Felix could believe that Mia had him under some kind of spell, the way he wanted to see her more and more, and with her voice in his head.</p><p>A part of him still felt that he was in no way good enough to feel the same.Yet again and again, Mia agreed to see him, to talk to him, to send him music.She trusted him with her words.So maybe he was worthy of it.Mia was always pretty honest, after all. </p><hr/><p>Mia was surprised when the phone rang for her at the end of the month.She hadn't been able to join Felix on this weekend's house-hunting adventure, there being a group meet-up with the Shepherds that afternoon.She had bravely shared her updated chapters one and two with the others, and Robin had said it was a strong opener, and Lissa had loved her protagonist.It was almost too much.Mia's protagonist?The little imaginary person in her head whom she had created?Was someone that Lissa <em>loved</em> after just seeing two chapters?Mia felt the glowing enthusiasm that Felix's comments had yet to bring her, but was also still very grateful for the kind of input that she <em>had</em> gotten from him.</p><p>When she answered the phone, she was surprised to hear Felix's voice, distorted by the phone's receiver.</p><p>"<em>So,</em>" Felix said, not sounding like himself."<em>I think the last house today was sort of decent."</em></p><p>"You liked it?" Mia translated.</p><p>There was a small silence, and Mia could imagine him shifting where he sat, or perhaps turning around where he stood, to begin pacing.</p><p><em>"Sure.I put in an offer.Realtor woman says I'll probably get it</em>."</p><p>"Constance?" Mia clarified.She had gone on a couple tours of houses with him, and the realtor was hardly one to let you forget her name."Anyway, that's great!"</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah."</em>
</p><p>"So that's the one closer to Ailell you were visiting?Bungalow?Just in town?"</p><p><em>"Mm.Yeah.It's like ten minutes to Ingrid's stable.Still about an hour to the city</em>."</p><p>"Anywhere would be," Mia said."That's so great.Congratulations."</p><p>"<em>I don't have it yet,"</em> he snapped.</p><p>"Good luck then," Mia retorted.</p><p>
  <em>"Hmph.Thanks.There's a 'nursery' but I think I could put my swords in it."</em>
</p><p>Mia tilted her head back."Felix, oh my God.Shouldn't Estoc get first pick, though?"</p><p>
  <em>"Estoc will pick the Master bedroom every time?It's what she deserves."</em>
</p><p>"True," Mia agreed."Still, that's really great."</p><p>"<em>Yeah.So if I get it, then apparently the deal would close or whatever at some point next month.I'd get the key for the end of May."</em></p><p>"Wow," Mia said.Hurst and Tris had spent a little over a year looking for their house.It was hard to believe that Felix had found one in just four weeks.Then again, he had more money than they did. </p><p><em>"Anyway</em>," Felix said.<em>"Just thought I'd.Tell you."</em></p><p>"I'm glad," Mia said. "Thanks for letting me know."</p><p><em>"Right.Bye, then</em>."</p><p>"Bye," Mia said, more than slightly taken aback.</p><p>After she had hung up the phone, her dad asked who that had been.</p><p>"It was Felix," Mia said, knowing full well that her dad had been the one to answer the phone in the first place."He's putting an offer in on a house."</p><p>"Oh, well good for him.Where is it?"</p><p>Mia told him, and described the house as best as she was able after only hearing Felix's description.</p><p>"Sounds good.So he'll be closer then, eh?"</p><p>"Yes, Ailell's like half an hour away, right?"</p><p>"Close to that," Mr. Cecile said."So you'll be seeing a lot more of him then."</p><p>"I guess so.But I think he's more interested in hanging out with Lon'qu if I'm being honest."</p><p>"That's the other sword guy."</p><p>Mia laughed."Maybe they can start an assassin's agency or something."</p><p>She wasn't sure what exactly her dad's thoughts were on Felix moving closer, and Mia spending more time with her sword-wielding boyfriend, but he did brighten at the thought of an assassin's agency, so she decided that it wasn't too scandalous.So it was all right that Felix might be a hired killer, but the ponytail was too much.Mia rolled her eyes at the weirdness of her family.She wouldn't really have it any other way.In that respect, Felix was strange enough himself to eventually fit right in.</p><hr/><p>Felix spent the rest of the weekend with Ingrid and her friends, doing a little riding himself.It was nice to breathe in the spring air, and the smell of horses.Felix wasn't crazy about the animals, but had to admit they were all right.And the one he was allowed to ride was somewhat old and very gentle, so there was virtually no risk of concussions.</p><p>He didn't tell the old man about putting an offer in on a house until he got home.They stood at the kitchen island, Felix sipping coffee and Rodrigue blowing on his tea to cool it down.</p><p>"So how was the house-hunting?You never mentioned anything about it.You're not getting sick of it already?"</p><p>"About that," Felix said, worrying now that he had been too hasty, "I put an offer in on the last house I looked at today."</p><p>Rodrigue congratulated him, and asked for details, so Felix sent him the listing over text, because it was easier than trying to describe a building.It earned him a little bit of a glare, but then the old man flicked through the photos on his phone with his index finger.</p><p>"Oh, I see," he murmured."Hm.Well, it's a small little thing, isn't it?"</p><p>"It'll be just me and two cats, how much space do you think I'd need?" Felix grumbled.</p><p>"Will all your swords be going with you?" Rodrigue asked, a little too hopefully.</p><p>"I'm not leaving them <em>here</em>," Felix said."There's a whole spare room I could use for them.And a yard and a finished basement, so there's plenty of space for training, or hosting duels."</p><p>"As long as there is room for that," Rodrigue said, scratching at his head. </p><p>Felix huffed."It's called a <em>hobby</em>, maybe you should get one."</p><p>"Are you saying that you're taking the piano as well?Because you won't have room for that, and even if you did, I wouldn't let you," Rodrigue warned.</p><p>"What am I going to do with a wholeass grand piano?" Felix demanded, wondering why his old man's face had turned into a glower.Ah, right, <em>language, Felix</em>."Sorry.But I <em>have</em> been trying to watch it."</p><p>Rodrigue relaxed some."You're right.  You have been making an effort.I appreciate that."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>There was a silence that bordered on tense, before Rodrigue asked when Felix might be moving in, should his offer be accepted.</p><p>"End of May," Felix said.</p><p>"So soon.You know, as happy as I am for you to be doing this, I will miss you.And the cats, of course."</p><p>"I guess we almost always have had a cat," Felix observed.</p><p>"They add character to a home.Dahlia and Spinach Puff especially."</p><p>"I'm sure they'll miss you sneaking them leftovers," Felix said.</p><p>Rodrigue gasped."I do not!I respect the feeding schedule--I understand how important it is!"</p><p>Felix just laughed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i HATE writing "Ailell" where do the double L's go?? next time, the Valley of Torment doesn't get used as a fictional Ontario place name. fictional Ontario place name privileges REVOKED</p><p>forgot while writing the previous chapter that my plan was to make Constance the realtor purely so i could make a joke about Restoring a House, so we'll say that it was Sunlight Constance singing.</p><p>there might be another brief 'passage of time montage' in the next chapter but then! then we get to something i wrote 2 months ago because i was so excited about it.</p><p>the title is from 'Good Enough' by Evanescence, and it suits both the couple and the month in which this chapter is set. neat.  'Break the Spell' is only mentioned, but it's another banger by Daughtry. love the whole thing but the last note is *chef's kiss* parfait</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0054"><h2>54. sooner or later you sleep in your own space</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>May. Felix moves in to his new house.</p><p>hardcore Leaf's fans might be offended by some lines at the beginning of the chapter!<br/>disclaimer: the opinions of the characters do not necessarily reflect those of the author. i know nothing about hockey</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix went back to work at Dimitri's side for the first part of May.He decided that his wrist would not stop him from doing his job, and wanted to do his part before moving off to Ailell and taking his vacation.With the Leafs having a miraculous season that put them well into position to be in the play-offs, Felix thought perhaps it would be best if he didn't move in to his new house right away.Dimitri would be even more in the public eye if the NHL's notoriously popular team came close to winning the Stanley Cup.Felix should be there to protect him.It was his job, after all.</p><p>Dimitri was still caught up on Felix's injured wrist.</p><p>"You really shouldn't be doing this if you're hurt.You could get more injured, and I'd never ask that of you."</p><p>Felix huffed."I'm fine.Someone needs to be there if you and Sweetpea actually do manage to drag your shitty team into the playoffs.I can just imagine the risk that'll put you in."</p><p>"If you're thinking of putting off your move," Dimitri said, reading Felix as easily as the back of a cereal box, "please stop.I will be fine.I have Dedue, and Raphael--"</p><p>"Who the fuck is Raphael?" Felix interrupted.</p><p>Dimitri stopped to stare at him."He's the other regular security guard?Huge?Blond?He has a little sister and his grandparents own a corner shop downtown?I work out with him every other weekend."</p><p>"Do you make a point to befriend every professional assigned to protect your ass?" Felix demanded.</p><p>"Yes," Dimitri laughed."Should I not?"</p><p>"No--I mean, probably not, due to contract reasons and shit," Felix said."I don't care.It's exactly like you."</p><p>"And it's exactly like you to put no effort into remembering the names of people on your own team," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix ducked his head."I'll try and remember for next time.And I guess I'm more stressed about the move than I'd realized."</p><p>"I wish I could lend a hand," Dimitri said.</p><p>"You better not," Felix snapped."You're carrying the team and they need you sticking to your routine, not injuring your back lifting a box of my swords.Besides," Felix added hastily, "you'll just...break something."</p><p>Dimitri laughed."All right, all right!I still remember what happened to your toy sword when we were eleven."</p><p>"We were ten, and 'what happened' was <em>you</em> snapped it in two."</p><p>"It sounded cool, though," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix grit his teeth, but nodded."It was cool as fuck."</p><p>"Anything you need though," Dimitri added.</p><p>"Don't worry about it," Felix said."Just focus on each game."</p><hr/><p>Felix's plan was to call a moving company and have them haul all the shit he was planning to bring with him to the new house.It would save him the trouble of it, and that was really the only reason.</p><p>The problem was that Sylvain had whined about it, saying that friends helped with stuff like that and it would be a reason for everyone to go down and see Felix's new place.Plus, Sylvain argued, it wouldn't be nice to make a moving company work on the long weekend.Felix's assertions, that he'd prefer everyone to see his house when everything was set up properly and that he didn't need help, were ignored in favour of Sylvain blasting the group chat with an invitation to help Felix move on the May two-four.</p><p>"No one is going to agree," Felix said."It's the two-four, they're going to be doing their own shit."</p><p>Almost immediately, Felix's phone pinged that Ashe would happily help out that day.Sylvain gave Felix a triumphant look.</p><p>"If it's just you, me, and Ashe, I'm hiring movers," Felix warned.</p><p>More offers to help trickled in over the course of the day, which made Sylvain difficult to be around.Felix kept rolling his eyes as he checked off the list of things he would need.That had been Leonie's suggestion--apparently Felix was too stupid to know that he'd require things like rubber mats for near the door, or toilet paper, or a shower curtain.He was beginning to think that he was in over his head, but at least he had time to pick this stuff up.</p><p>As the end of the month approached, Felix found he was getting excited for his space, even as he dreaded the tedious drive and work of unpacking.It was one reason he would have liked to do it alone, at his own pace, with no one commenting on how he organized. </p><p>Ingrid and Leonie drove in separately on the Friday night before the long weekend in their trucks--Leonie with Marianne and a trailer that she'd bought used from a guy she'd met at a scrapyard.Felix apologized to Marianne when they arrived, saying that there was no reason she should be here helping out.</p><p>"I can carry things just fine," she assured him with a small smile."I'm happy to help, and to see your cats again too, if I'm being honest."</p><p>"Marianne lifts foals and dogs on the daily," Ingrid added, skirting around a stack of boxes to give Felix an unnecessary hug."Ferdinand's driving up tomorrow morning to help, too, all right?"</p><p>"What?" Felix hadn't remembered hearing about this new development."Don't drag him into this."</p><p>"It's not a big deal, he's got his own truck and said that he would be happy to help out.Just thank him.It's not a big deal."</p><p>"That reminds me," Felix said, opening the door to the garage, "Leonie, I was going to thank you for helping me find this place and--you know.Putting up with my bullshit."Part of the thank-you gift he'd purchased on Ashe's recommendation was in the garage to keep cool--a case of beer.Felix gestured Leonie to look at it, and she grinned.</p><p>"Nice!Thanks, but it was no trouble, really," she said.</p><p>"And a card," Felix added, because Ingrid had suggested it.Inside was a restaurant gift card.</p><p>Leonie saw it and whistled, even though it wasn't that big of a card."That's real nice of you, Felix.I should help you out more often."</p><p>"Your help means a lot to me," Felix made himself say, because it was true, and he really did need everyone now, if he wanted to move in tomorrow."We'll all go out to dinner or something tomorrow evening."</p><p>"Sol's?" Ingrid asked hopefully.</p><p>"Honestly if we ordered a shitton of pizza and just ate on your floor that would be easier," Leonie said.</p><p>"You're so fucking smart," Felix said."Honestly.You're in charge of everything but my swords."</p><p>Leonie laughed."I'm so holding you to that!"</p><p>"No, let's go to a restaurant," Ingrid protested."Ailell's got a nice burger place--it's not as good as Sol's but it's like ten minutes from your new place."</p><p>Felix closed the door to the garage and ignored his friends' arguing over dinner plans, thinking about the way it felt talking about his 'new place'.He still felt a certain amount of guilt, over wanting his own space and leaving his dad on his own, but told himself it wasn't so bad.If things hadn't gone wrong the way they had, then it would have been expected of him by now.Felix realized that he had been doing all along what he'd always accused Dimitri and the old man of.It was time for him to stop letting the guilt of the past run his future.</p><hr/><p>With his furniture, clothes, swords, and the new vital housewares that Leonie had not-gently suggested he buy, Ferdinand's truck was a welcome addition to their fleet.He got there at about the same time as Sylvain, and not long after, Annette and Ashe both arrived separately in their cars, which wouldn't fit much but Felix couldn't exactly complain when he was using his own 'cute little blue car', as Mia described it.</p><p>Since she was meeting the Shepherds that afternoon, and Felix predicted that traffic would be worse than usual thanks to the long weekend, there was nothing Mia could do to help.She told him that as much as she would have loved to help, or join the celebration after all the work was done, she'd be happy to get a tour of the house at a later date.Felix was just glad that she wouldn't miss her writing thing, since from the sounds of it, all of her friends were sharing their work and she was getting a lot out of it.</p><p>After a quick breakfast, they spent the rest of the morning loading up their vehicles, before beginning the tedious drive.Saturday long-weekend traffic out of Toronto was stupid packed.Felix wondered what he had been thinking, doing this today.He sat in a sea of cars, rolling forward a few crawling metres at a time.The sun was rising higher, shining in the windows and baking him.He was glad that Estoc and Spinach Puff weren't in the car.Instead, they'd be brought the next day by the old man.</p><p>It made Felix wonder how Annette was doing.She had brought her gigantic dog with her, saying that she wanted him to have a nice trip to the country if that was all right by Felix.He'd told her that it was fine, as long as Crusher didn't leave poop in his yard or get in the way of moving. </p><p>"He'll stay by me," Annette promised."He's a big sap that way.And I'll clean up any mess he makes."</p><p>Though Felix was sure that Crusher would be more trouble than the effort of Annette bringing him along would be worth, he was glad that she was so excited by the prospect.He also hoped that Annette had air conditioning in her car.</p><p>Sylvain chatted on speaker, talking about his own cat companion and confirming directions to the new house.Felix grunted in reply, leaning his head on his hand.</p><p>"We've been over this," Felix said."Say something new or interesting or something.Or I'm hanging up on you and putting some music on."</p><p><em>"I can sing for you!"</em> Sylvain shouted, and began singing <em>Uptown Girl</em> at the top of his lungs.</p><p>"I'm hanging up on you," Felix said, trying not to smile, then wondering who he was trying to hide it from.The other drivers?No one could see him, or would be looking.</p><p>"<em>Nooo no no!I can sing something else!"</em></p><p>"Keep going," Felix groaned."I'm just kidding."</p><p>
  <em>"No offence but you suck at jokes.Work on that, okay?"</em>
</p><p>"Yeah, Mia's helping," Felix said.</p><p>Sylvain laughed, and resumed singing.His choice did not suit him in the least, but it was fun to listen to.</p><p><em>"Everybody now!</em>" Sylvain said, and belted the chorus with much more enthusiasm than was necessary.Felix laughed and leaned forward on the steering wheel. </p><p>"No!"</p><p><em>"Sing!Sing my angel!</em>"Sylvain's song trajectory took a sharp turn and Felix laughed harder.</p><p>Traffic remained slow, even on the country roads leading Felix home--which Sylvain sang about at length. </p><p>When they finally got to the right street, Felix wondered for a moment if he'd gotten the address wrong.All of the trees were in full leaf, and the lawns were lush and green.Some of his neighbours had gardens starting to bloom, and there were kids riding bicycles along the side of the street, wavering and wobbling as they pedalled.It felt small compared to the street he'd grown up on, the houses tiny--most with only one floor, his included.The street itself was old and a little cracked in places, and there was no curb, let alone a sidewalk. </p><p>The house he'd bought had a shaggy lawn out front, and a large driveway but no garage.In the unfenced backyard was a shed, old and yellowed but still good.The front door was blue, which Felix thought was outrageous, and there were concrete steps leading up to it.The door that mattered was on the side of the building, with a little blue awning over it.Felix checked the number to ensure that this was, indeed, the right house, since the shrubs on either side of the three steps looked unfamiliar now that they weren't bare twigs. </p><p>Sylvain was right behind him in his SUV, so Felix slowed and signalled before pulling into the driveway, as deep as he could so that there would be room for more vehicles.Sylvain rolled to a stop behind him, and Felix took a moment to hold onto his sword keychain and process what he was doing.</p><p>The day was here.Felix had his own place.He looked straight ahead, to the small portion of his backyard that was visible.There was so much work he had to do.Getting everything loaded into the trucks had been easy, since they'd already been in their boxes.Getting it all out?Finding places for it?That was a different story.</p><p>Felix took a breath, then gathered the first box from the passenger seat under his arm and got out.</p><p>It was a warm day and would likely get a little hotter before long.A perfect May two-four weekend, Felix thought.He heard Sylvain getting out of his own car, and the crunch of gravel underneath more tires as Leonie and Marianne arrived.</p><p>"It's nice!" Sylvain said, joining Felix, not carrying anything yet."I actually wish I could move out here, too."</p><p>"Sorry, there's not enough room," Felix said.</p><p>"Not with all the crap you're bringing," Sylvain agreed.</p><p>"Shut up," Felix told him."If you didn't want to carry my crap you should have let me hire movers."</p><p>"I love to carry your crap," Sylvain said.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes.As yet, Sylvain was not carrying any crap that Felix could see.</p><p>"But seriously, I really wanted to be the first one to see your house.And it's great.I'd have bought it."</p><p>"You'd have bought the first one I saw, the one that was--" Felix used the hand holding his keys to make jingling air-quotes, "--'haunted'.As Ashe and Mia repeatedly told me."</p><p>"So you'd have had a roommate," Sylvain said.</p><p>Rolling his eyes again, Felix headed for the door."Anyway, Leonie was the first to see it."</p><p>"As long as it was a redhead, I guess," Sylvain said, doubtfully.</p><p>"Why do I even have so many redhead friends?" Felix asked, trying to stick the front door's key into the lock."How do I manage to tell you apart?"</p><p>"You are kind of face-blind," Sylvain said. </p><p>Felix snorted, and found the right key, as Leonie and Marianne approached.The latter was carrying one box, while the former was out of sight behind a stack of three.</p><p>"You're probably right," Felix conceded.</p><p>"So I appreciate that you can recognize me," Sylvain said.</p><p>"Only because I've had to see you since before I could fucking walk," Felix grumbled, twisting the handle and opening the door to his new house.</p><p>It was bright inside, from the lack of curtains, which Marianne noticed right away.</p><p>"You'll need to get some drapes, at least for the big windows," she said, setting her box down on the counter and floating away into the house.</p><p>"I love this," Sylvain said, sticking his hands in his pockets before rethinking, extending his arms above his head to touch the ceiling."I love it.When can I crash?"</p><p>"After you've carried your share of boxes," Leonie said, before Felix could.He laughed and she raised her fist.Not used to doing this, Felix pressed his knuckles against hers, and she laughed."Let's get down to business!"</p><p>Ingrid and Ferdinand, being careful drivers, arrived after Ashe, who parked in the street.Felix opened the front door and soon they were all travelling back and forth with all of Felix's things.</p><p>"Annette's almost here," Felix said, getting a text."She says, 'Crusher threw up' and there's a little fucking barfing face?He better not have thrown up on any of my shit."</p><p>"Oh no!" Ingrid said.</p><p>Ashe passed them, on his way to his car after exploring the house.Felix stopped him to ask if he thought the house was 'safe to live in'.</p><p>Grinning, Ashe said, "It's really nice!Perfect for one person--"</p><p>"--or two," Sylvain interrupted, and Felix couldn't kick him because he was carrying a box marked 'glassware'.</p><p>"--and I didn't see anything suspicious.And no bad feelings, either.I like it."</p><p>"Good," Felix said."Not that I would have cared if you did hate it."</p><p>"Sure," Ashe laughed, and ran across the front lawn to his car.Instead of arguing the point, Felix just went back to Sylvain's SUV to hoist a box of swords from the back. </p><p>Annette's arrival held everything up, as Crusher leapt from the front seat and peed on Felix's lawn.The dog was enormous, and shaggy, a mix of light brown and dark fur.His huge paws took him to the shrubs, and Annette chased after him, yelling before he could use his massive digging mitts to destroy anything.</p><p>"You won't believe the fucking drive I had," Annette said, brushing hair out of her face."First I got stuck in an off-ramp lane and had to find the highway again after making the wrong turn, then there was an accident like two cars in front of me, then Crusher just barfed all over the floor mat, and so I pulled over and couldn't find his leash but then I did and he was fine after that but pissed on the guard rail and so I was like 'well I'm glad you did <em>that</em> outside', but I had to clean up the puke and--"</p><p>"Did any of it get on my shit?" Felix demanded, not really wanting to hear the story of Annette cleaning up dog vomit.Yet.</p><p>Annette let out a short sigh."No.Your shit's fine.I hope you already unpacked the booze."</p><p>Spreading his hands at the boxes travelling into the house at a crawling pace, Felix said, "Good luck."</p><p>Throwing her head back, Annette groaned."Ugh!Felix you're evil!"</p><p>"The faster we carry everything the sooner we can find your booze," Felix pointed out.</p><p>"Why didn't you hire movers?God."</p><p>"Because you volunteered?"</p><p>Annette growled.Crusher sat at her heels, looking sappily up at her, which wasn't very far for such a big dog."Then why didn't you buy a house with furniture!Or get the furniture delivered?"</p><p>"Because I didn't have you to tell me to," Felix said. "And it came with appliances."</p><p>"Don't buy a house with no furniture again!"</p><p>Annette, having to watch Crusher, ended up not carrying much at all.As she had said, her dog didn't get in the way much, choosing instead to follow her while slowly wagging his fluffy tail.</p><p>"Why do you have so many swords?" Leonie asked, carrying her fifth box of them.</p><p>"I packed them just seven to a box so they wouldn't be too heavy," Felix said.</p><p>"'<em>Just</em>' seven?Per box?Did you count how many boxes there are?"</p><p>"No," Felix said, because he didn't really want to say the number out loud in front of everyone.</p><p>"I understand fencing as a hobby," Ferdinand said, "but you really do have quite the collection!I would like to see it when it is on display!"</p><p>"Well, you're close enough," Felix pointed out.</p><p>"Yes!I am looking forward to seeing more of you.Ingrid talks about you quite a lot!"</p><p>Felix hadn't moved out here to be more social, but then again, he sort of had.So he agreed with Ferdinand and declared their short break over.</p><p>With most of the stuff in the house, Felix could take charge of sorting through boxes that Leonie had insisted he label.The swords were the easiest--they all went in the spare, pastel room that had come with a frame for a single bed.The rest needed to be divided into kitchen and bedroom and washroom and general houseware categories, which was a pain.And Felix had to start unpacking plates and glasses, putting them how he wanted them in the cabinets.There was paper between all of them to prevent scratches, and before long the room was filled with crumpled papers that came up to Felix's knees.He grumbled under his breath as Ashe hummed and sorted cutlery into a plastic divider.</p><p>"Oh, dear, it's like a snowfield in here," Marianne's soft voice came from the kitchen door.</p><p>"Sounds like it, too," Ashe said."Walking through.Crunchy."</p><p>Felix glanced back to see that Marianne smiled at that."I bet the cats would love it," he said.</p><p>Marianne giggled."It's paradise for a cat!Are you going to save it for them?"</p><p>"They'll be overwhelmed enough by the new house," Felix said, shaking his head."I don't think they need a whole room full of paper to explore."</p><p>"Um.If you're just going to recycle it, maybe I could take it?" Marianne asked."For shred for the birds, or to line the rabbit hutch, maybe?"</p><p>Felix shrugged."Knock yourself out.No one else has a claim on it."</p><p>"Leonie might want some for note paper," Marianne agreed.She bent, to pick up a single crumpled piece, then waded out into the middle of the room to experience the crunch, herself.From there, she began gathering pages, smoothing them out and then folding them into quarters, leaving them on a pile.</p><p>Ingrid and Leonie carried in Felix's new couch, under Sylvain's direction.Crusher followed them inside and eagerly began to sniff the entirety of the house.Annette trailed in after, bumping into unpacked boxes and suggesting furniture placement.</p><p>With the most important kitchen stuff unpacked, Felix let Annette fit the smaller emptied boxes inside the larger ones, and leave those by the door for Leonie to take.The others started to set up Felix's furniture, ignoring most of Annette's suggestions to follow Ferdinand's instead.</p><p>"You will not want the window right behind the couch, or there will be glare when you look at the tv.There is enough light on this side of the room, so the lamp might work better closer to the kitchen," he said, and so on, and Sylvain peppered in his own opinions.This sparked a debate on whether televisions belonged on mantles or not, which wasn't even a concern since this house didn't have a fireplace.</p><p>The days were getting longer and longer, which meant that by the time everything was done, and everyone was exhausted, it was still light outside.It was the perfect long weekend, Felix thought, looking out the kitchen window to the backyard.There was a 'deck area' of cracked concrete tiles at the back door, where the previous residents had put their backyard furniture.The lawn itself was as shaggy in the back as it was in the front, and Felix realized a little belatedly that he was going to have to mow it himself.</p><p>"What if we eat outside?" Felix suggested, not heeding what the others had been talking about. </p><p>"It's your house," Sylvain said, "so it's up to you."</p><p>"Yeah.Let's order something and eat outside," Felix said. </p><p>"Not delivery," Leonie said."I'll pick it up.How much do we have to drink?"</p><p>Beers had been consumed throughout the afternoon, as the movers took breaks and spent some time in the front yard chatting and admiring the neighbourhood.Felix had also gotten a single bottle of rye for himself, and for everyone to toast with.Aside from that, there wasn't much to drink.</p><p>"Sylvain," Leonie ordered, "go with Ashe to buy some more to drink.Ashe, keep him from buying anything disgustingly flavoured."</p><p>"Sometimes you need a raspberry sour," Sylvain protested."Sometimes a recipe calls for liqueur!We can't all drink whatever domestic happens to be on sale!"</p><p>Ashe laughed."We'll get a few basics.Felix doesn't have anything to mix drinks with, anyway."</p><p>"We could make a trip," Sylvain suggested."Besides, not everyone can have booze, if they're driving home."</p><p>"I ain't driving," Annette called.</p><p>"She's coming with us," Leonie said to Felix, who didn't have anywhere for her to sleep, or want Crusher throwing up in his brand new house.</p><p>"I'll just sleep in my car," Ashe said, as he got his sneakers on.</p><p>Felix had to process this, and ran after him to the front yard."Ashe you are <em>not</em> sleeping in your damn car!Sylvain, don't let him sleep in his car!"</p><p>Sylvain threw him a peace sign."I'll talk him out of it!" he called.</p><hr/><p>When everyone reconvened at the house with food and drink, they piled out into the backyard.Annette dragged the bigger cardboard boxes around, to use as tables for the pizza.She assured everyone that Crusher would not try to steal their food.It was a partial truth--Crusher went from one friend to the next, resting his chin on their knees and looking up at them with the saddest brown eyes.</p><p>"Do <em>not</em> feed him," Annette said."Ashe, I fucking see you!"</p><p>Felix glanced over to his neighbour's yard.They were out in the back, having a barbecue.Two middle-aged men fussed over that, bickering, while a bunch of teens sat around an outdoor table eating sliced veggies.Probably they all knew the f-word, but he still hoped he wasn't making a terrible impression on the first day of moving in.</p><p>"He helped Felix move," Ashe protested."He deserves a treat."</p><p>"He did Jack shit!"Annette snapped.</p><p>"He's a good boy," Ashe said.</p><p>"He has his own treats.No pizza for Crusher!"</p><p>Felix leaned back in the kitchen chair that he'd brought outside to sit on.The sky was turning lavender above him, and along the horizon it was bright orange.It was novel, seeing the sky so easily from his back door.At home, most of what he could see was just the neighbours' houses.</p><p>The smells of pizza and barbecue mingled nicely with the warm scent of sun-baked bricks.Birds still sang but a few bats already flew overhead.Without straying too far from the house, the blackflies weren't even that bad. </p><p>Ferdinand asked Annette about Crusher, what breed he was and how long she'd had him.Annette called her beast of a dog to her side and explained that she'd wanted a large dog for walking alone at night.</p><p>Next door, two of the teens, both boys, were violently competing to see who could chuck a frisbee higher into the air.</p><p>"Are you watching?" one called."Eirika, you have to make sure Innes doesn't cheat!"</p><p>"Mm-hm," a girl said from the deck, not even facing the yard.</p><p>"She doesn't need to watch to know I'm better than you," the other boy, Innes, presumably, taunted.</p><p>"I can see with my psychic twin vision," Eirika said, putting her fingers to her temples."You both suck!"</p><p>"Very cringe," the other girl at the table agreed.</p><p>"<em>You're</em> cringe!" the first boy retorted.</p><p>The second girl said something about eating all the ice cream sandwiches that made the barbecue dads raise a ruckus about dessert and dinner.Felix thought back to 'family' gatherings with the Gautiers, Galateas, and Blaiddyds, and smiled. </p><p>"If you want any plants for your yard, you should talk to Dedue," Ashe said."He's got a bunch of cuttings started."</p><p>"Right, you're plant friends," Felix said.</p><p>Ashe laughed."Sure!Does that make us book friends?"</p><p>"Sure," Felix said.</p><p>"You're a little further now though.It won't be so easy to lend you stuff."</p><p>"I'll be in the city for work every couple of weeks," Felix said.He knew that there were tasks in the company he could do from home, which was a plus, but if he was going to continue guarding Dimitri he would have to spend some time in the city.</p><p>"You'll stay with your dad for those weeks?" Ashe asked.</p><p>"Where else would I stay?"</p><p>"With me and my buddy Ruin," Sylvain suggested."Or just with Dimitri.He's got the room."</p><p>"You make it sound like I hate the old man," Felix said. </p><p>"We all just want to spend time with you," Ingrid said, scooching her chair closer to sling her arm around his shoulders. </p><p>Snorting, Felix accepted the weight of her leaning on him."You all have abysmal taste.Thanks.And for you know.Helping me move in."</p><p>Leonie was pouring shots of rye.They were in glasses of all sizes, resting in a low cardboard box in lieu of a tray.She began passing them around.</p><p>"To your new house," Sylvain said."And freedom!"</p><p>"Freedom!" Annette screeched.</p><p>"To not carrying anymore boxes," Felix said.</p><p>"To your five thousand swords," Leonie said.</p><p>Ingrid laughed, her head falling forward."To being closer to your swordsman boyfriend!"</p><p>"He's not--"</p><p>"To hoping that your cats like it here," Ashe interrupted.</p><p>"And you as well," Ferdinand added."May you enjoy your new home!"</p><p>"Y-yes," Marianne said, the only one who hadn't spoken yet."To being practically neighbours."</p><p>Felix was blushing brightly."To all of you.Thanks."Then, before anyone could 'awww' about the sentiment, he commanded them all to drink.Knocking back his mug, the rye burned the back of Felix's throat.Around him, his friends all made faces and groaned.</p><p>"Smooth," Sylvain said.</p><p>"Good stuff," Leonie said.</p><p>Marianne had just sipped hers, but seemed surprisingly unbothered by the hard liquor.</p><p>As night fell, the group grew quieter, the hard work of the day catching up to them.The neighbours ate, then set up a net in their yard to play some version of volleyball, boys against girls.While they were busy, one of the adults crossed the invisible border between his yard and Felix's to greet them during the lull.</p><p>"I hope I'm not bothering you," he prefaced.</p><p>Felix looked to his friends, and they all shook their heads.</p><p>"I didn't expect you to move in this weekend.How many of you are just here to help?"</p><p>Everyone but Felix raised their hands.</p><p>"I'm Fado," Felix's new neighbour said, finding Felix among the crowd."I live next to you, and Hayden," he pointed to the other adult next door, "lives in the corner house."</p><p>"Felix," Felix said."Nice to meet you."</p><p>"Welcome to the street, Felix," Fado said.His beard and hair were lighter than Rodrigue's, and a little thicker, but gave Felix a similar impression nonetheless."Is this your first house?"</p><p>"I lived alone in college, but yeah," Felix said."I look so young?"</p><p>Fado laughed."You sound offended?If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask one of us.We'd be happy to help, or loan you anything you might need."</p><p>"Thanks," Felix said."I'll remember that."</p><p>"If I'd known you were planning to move in this weekend, I might have gotten you a planter or something," Fado said.</p><p>"Not necessary," Felix told him."I've got enough to worry about."</p><p>"I'm sure you do," Fado chuckled."I'll leave you be for now."</p><p>"Thanks for introducing yourself," Felix said.He probably should have been the one to do so, but was grateful he hadn't had to.</p><p>The group wound down not long after that, with everyone tired out.Felix waved the girls and Ferdinand off, and got a blanket that had been protecting some of his swords for the couch, so that Ashe wouldn't have to sleep in his car.Sylvain shared the bed with him, and it wasn't the same as having the cats curled up near him, but it helped ease the nerves of sleeping in his brand new house. </p><p>Tomorrow, when his dad had brought Estoc and Spinach Puff down, Felix thought he'd really feel settled.Until then, he was tired enough to just fall asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this wasn't as hard to write as i'd initially feared. i procrastinated by starting a new curling fic, and jumping ahead to the next chapter, and drawing, and vacuuming...</p><p>Sacred Stones was my first game and it's my fic and if i can have the Shepherds then i can make Felix's neighbours all the Magvel characters! i deserve it! there are no rules except those i set for myself! afjgsjhfg should.should his other neighbour be Queen Ismaire? or maybe...Natasha...the light of my life..? Garcia and Ross--no. that's too many single dads. kjadfghdfkh Dozla??</p><p>the chapter title is from 'My Life' by Billy Joel. ajsdgh i have always loved the line: "They will tell you you can't sleep alone in a strange place/then they'll tell you you can't sleep with somebody else" and guess what! it suits this fic nicely.</p><p>also i'm thinking i will bump the rating to 'M', mostly due to stuff that's already in here such as Sylvain and Strong Language. I didn't know what A. i was doing when i originally made this fic or B. what most ratings meant, let alone C. that i would use so many innuendos or Colourful Words. but i don't feel great about the Teen rating anymore and think I'll change it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0055"><h2>55. where the hungry wolves are howling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Personal Ability: Lone Wolf</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the rating has been bumped but only for existing content--there won't be any difference in the maturity of the story going forward, i just re-evaluated some of the earlier scenes/references.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Fraldarius Line was, in general, not one suited for early mornings.Felix only ever did so because the cats woke him, and he knew he would have some of his most lucid dreams if he let himself fall back asleep.Without them there, and tired as he was, he slept soundly until long after daylight was pouring in to his new bedroom and Sylvain had gotten up to make himself tea.</p><p>Though it was his first day in his new home, Felix didn't feel the need to get up and check things out right away.He just wanted to relax and then maybe shower, or anything to ease his stiff muscles.</p><p>Thinking like this, Felix felt himself about to drift off again.He could hear sounds from the rest of the house--Sylvain and Ashe moving around and talking.If he let himself fall asleep, there'd be awful moving dreams.Groaning, Felix hauled himself out of bed and located his phone on the nightstand, which was lower than he was accustomed to.Fumbling, he checked that there was a message from ten minutes ago from the old man, who'd said he planned to set out with the cats right after eating breakfast.The time was close to 9:30.</p><p>Dragging himself upright, Felix rummaged through his dresser, trying to remember if he'd been the one to fold his clothes or not.Usually he didn't take that much care, so it must have been someone else.</p><p>Felix dressed casually with the most comfortable colour in reach, which happened to be a plain teal t-shirt over jeans.He stuffed his phone in his pocket and bumped into the doorframe on his way to the hall.It felt small and cramped compared to the high ceilings he was used to.</p><p>In the kitchen, Ashe was making an omelette with ingredients Felix hadn't realized were even in his fridge.</p><p>"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," Sylvain said from where he leaned on the counter."I almost called Mia to come and kiss you."</p><p>"Hmph," Felix said, heading to the coffee maker, which was half-full. </p><p>"Morning!I made coffee," Ashe said."How'd you sleep in your new house?"</p><p>"Hm, fine," Felix said, opening the cabinet for a mug only to have Ashe slide one closer that had already been set out on the counter."How was the uh.Couch?"</p><p>Ashe laughed."I can sleep anywhere, so it was great!And I was really tired.So glad I didn't have to drive all the way home."</p><p>"Yeah." Felix said, pouring himself some hopefully burnt coffee.</p><p>"I don't think I've seen you this rough since school," Ashe observed."It's hard to believe you had a <em>good</em> night."</p><p>Sylvain laughed."Fraldariuses age in the morning and turn young at night, it's their curse."</p><p>"I would read that," Ashe said.</p><p>"But I feel old all the time," Felix said, sitting at his little kitchen table and leaning his elbows on it.</p><p>"So when can we expect your dad to get here?" Sylvain asked, while Ashe slid the omelette onto a plate and passed it to him.</p><p>Felix shrugged."Maybe an hour and a half?Seems like he got a late start, too.How Estoc didn't wake him up, I don't know."</p><p>"Oh, I bet she did.But then he probably fell asleep standing, like a horse," Sylvain said.</p><p>"That's great.Bully him like that when he gets here," Felix said."I won't be able to remember that."</p><p>"No," Ashe whined, and Sylvain just laughed.When it was quiet again, Ashe opened the fridge door and collected three eggs in one hand."So tell me what you want in your omelette, Felix."</p><p>Felix stared."Sure.One question first."</p><p>"Ask away!"</p><p>"Why are there vegetables in my fridge?"</p><p>It was Ashe's turn to laugh.He carefully set the eggs on the counter and curled forward, while Sylvain explained that on their drink run, they'd also stopped into the grocery store to pick up pop, juice, and at Ashe's suggestion, real food for the next day.</p><p>"Right.Smart.Uh, so how much do I owe you for the food, then?"</p><p>"You got us last night with the booze," Sylvain said."It's all taken care of.You really didn't notice us bringing two bags of groceries in?"</p><p>"No?"</p><p>Ashe was beaming."It's understandable!You had a lot to do."</p><p>"Yeah, and it was all done by then," Sylvain said, reaching around Ashe to steal a chunk of uncooked red pepper.He crunched on it, then settled down across from Felix at the table, with his omelette.</p><p>"He was tired from all the work," Ashe said.</p><p>"He did," Sylvain said, "about as much as Crusher."</p><p>"I did more than you," Felix said, accidentally sloshing coffee onto the table as he gestured.Cleaning it up was a hassle, because the paper towels were somewhere else, apparently.Ashe finally tossed him a stack of napkins from the pizza place that Leonie had somehow missed as she was leaving.Felix used them to mop up his spilled drink.</p><p>As was everything made by Ashe, the omelette was delicious, despite him putting more veggies in than Felix normally enjoyed.But he cooked them right, so the texture wasn't bad.Felix wondered if he was going to get scurvy, living on his own.</p><p>"Now what?" Sylvain asked, after the three of them had finished eating.</p><p>"We can set up the sword racks," Felix thought, silently adding, <em>while Ashe is here to use the level</em>. </p><p>"How many are there?" Ashe asked."And are you sure you don't want to paint the room first?Pastel blue isn't really what I'd expect in a, er, armoury?"</p><p>"Can't we paint around them?" Felix asked.</p><p>"You'd literally paint around a picture in a frame, wouldn't you?" Ashe asked.</p><p>"Is that not how it's done?"</p><p>Ashe stared at him.Felix felt stupid, but it wasn't like he'd ever painted a room in his life. </p><p>"Maybe Mia can help you with painting," Sylvain suggested."But Bernie would probably have good advice for choosing colours."</p><p>Felix stared at Sylvain.Choosing colours was something that required thought and advice?</p><p>"Maybe we can put the nails in for your sword racks and then paint another weekend," Ashe offered.</p><p>They did so--or Ashe did so while Felix and Sylvain alternated between watching and handing him things--and shortly after they had finished, Rodrigue pulled in to the street.</p><p>Felix saw the familiar lines of his dad's car from the front window, and hurried to get his shoes on to make sure that Estoc and Spinach Puff had been brought safely to him.</p><p>Rodrigue saw him as he sped across the lawn, and waved through the window before getting out.Felix was already at the back door of the car, opening it to reveal Spinach Puff's carrier and a bag of cat food on the floor right in front of him.</p><p>"Missed you so much," Felix murmured, sticking his finger through the door of the carrier.Spinach Puff bumped his nose against it, then rubbed his gum along the edge of Felix's fingernail.</p><p>Clearing his throat, Rodrigue circled the car to look at the front of Felix's house.He was carrying a reusable grocery bag in one hand."So, this is it!It looks smaller in person."</p><p>"It's enough," Felix said, withdrawing his hand from the carrier so that he could slide it towards him.Estoc heard his voice and meowed.</p><p>"How are you going to do this?I remember the time you spent just getting them familiar with each other," Rodrigue asked.</p><p>Felix shrugged."Put their stuff out where they can see it, open their carriers, let them explore at their own pace?"</p><p>"They're going to miss me," Rodrigue said, placing the pad of his index finger against the carrier door."They're going to miss their granddaddy Rodrigue."</p><p>"Mm-hm," Felix said, doubtfully."Just--take a carrier, okay?"</p><p>Rodrigue seemed to snap out of it and reached into the car to pull Estoc closer, not letting go of the bag he was already carrying.Ashe and Sylvain had hung back on the front lawn, but when they saw that things were moving, came forward.</p><p>"How was the drive?" Sylvain asked, while Ashe offered to carry anything they needed.He ended up with the bag of food and a scratching post under one arm, while Sylvain took all of the carefully gathered cat toys and beds.</p><p>"Better than yesterday, I imagine," Rodrigue said, of his drive.Estoc meowed again."Oh, Dahlia, I'll miss you, too."</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes and carried Spinach Puff to the front door.All the while, the young cat looked around, sniffing the air.Felix wondered if it smelled familiar, almost like home, or if it was all brand-new.</p><p>"Enjoy painting while you have the cats," Ashe said wickedly from behind, stopping Felix before he could say something stupid to Spinach Puff like 'welcome to your new home' or 'I hope you like it here'.</p><p>Instead, he directed the placement of scratching posts and beds.Ashe and Sylvain ran back to the car for the litter, as Felix set the carriers down on the floor.Estoc complained loudly at the lack of freedom and stuck her paw through the door.Felix gently held her little hand and whispered, hopefully too quietly to be heard, that she'd get to explore soon.Rodrigue stayed in the doorway, his hands folded behind his back.</p><p>When all of the cats' things were in the house, spread around to be familiar landmarks in the otherwise new territory, and the doors were safely shut, Felix pinched the latch on Estoc's carrier and opened the door.She shot out, and froze in the middle of the room, looking around wildly at the strange couch and stranger walls.Felix opened Spinach Puff's carrier. </p><p>Spinach Puff was loafing, and didn't seem interested in getting up.As Mia had said when Felix had met the cat--Spinach Puff was chill. </p><p>"Come on," Felix said."New house.Look around."</p><p>Spinach Puff yawned.</p><p>Estoc, on the other hand, was offended that this was not her palace.She skulked to the couch and disappeared beneath it.</p><p>"Well," Rodrigue said."Can I have a tour?"</p><p>Begrudgingly, Felix agreed, leaving Sylvain and Ashe to sit on the couch and talk, hopefully making it feel normal to the cats.He showed the old man around, which didn't take too long.</p><p>They concluded the tour with Felix's bedroom.Rodrigue crossed the floor to the window, looking out to the view of the backyard.He still held that bag behind his back.</p><p>"It's very nice out here," he said."I think you'll find it very peaceful."</p><p>"Let's hope so," Felix said, explaining that at least one of his neighbours had teenage children.</p><p>"You can sit on your steps and yell at them to stay off your lawn," Rodrigue mused.</p><p>Felix snorted."Sure." </p><p>"Speaking of, you'll have to cut it soon."</p><p>"I know," Felix groaned, turning away."Maybe I can bribe one of the neighbour kids?"</p><p>Rodrigue laughed, following Felix into the only hall of the house.When he turned to look, the old man's hands were empty and he had closed the door behind him.</p><p>"I'm sure their parents would appreciate it," Rodrigue said.</p><p>Back in the living room, the four of them talked about the house and Felix's plans for each room.Spinach Puff emerged from his carrier, and once he had ascertained the whereabouts of the litter box, spread himself out on the floor, completely at ease.Estoc remained hidden under the couch, but as the afternoon wore on, emerged to sniff her new surroundings suspiciously.Felix gave her a treat for being brave, and then one to Spinach Puff to be fair.</p><p>Ashe had plans the next day with some friends, and the cat he had joint custody over, so he left at around four.Sylvain said that he would have stuck around all weekend, but left a little while later because the neighbour feeding Ruin for him would be out of town the next day.</p><p>Left alone with the old man, Felix felt a little bit of his usual unease return, despite everything having gone well so far.</p><p>"Dimitri couldn't stop talking about coming to visit, yesterday while driving," Rodrigue said."I think he's more excited for that than playoffs."</p><p>"He's a dork," Felix said."He needs to focus."</p><p>"Don't be rude," Rodrigue chuckled.</p><p>"It's true.I might do something for when it's over.Invite everyone else down who couldn't help because it was the long weekend," Felix said.</p><p>Rodrigue nodded."That sounds nice.And what about Mia?Has she seen the house, yet?"</p><p>"No.The open house was with Leonie.And Mia's gone up North with her family this morning to open her grandma's cottage, apparently," Felix explained.</p><p>"So she'll visit once she's back," Rodrigue concluded.</p><p>Fidgeting, Felix nodded."Yeah."</p><p>"I'd like to meet her parents, someday," Rodrigue said, which was not what Felix had been bracing for but about as bad.</p><p>"Yeah.Maybe up North it'd be easier to," Felix suggested.He couldn't imagine how it would go.He still didn't know Mia's family very well, but they seemed eccentric in a way that was at odds with his own old man.</p><p>Rodrigue's eyes widened in surprise.</p><p>Felix shrugged."At the very least it could be entertaining."</p><p>"What are you suggesting and who should be offended by it?"</p><p>"Just that her dad called me the <em>Hitman's Bodyguard</em>.I can just imagine what movie you'll remind them of."</p><p>"And you would really be all right with me meeting them?"</p><p>"<em>Now</em> who should be offended?" Felix asked.</p><p>Rodrigue's pale cheeks tinted with pink."No, I mean--it's a big step, isn't it?Are you ready for it?"</p><p>"I don't know--are you?It doesn't really affect me personally if you meet?"</p><p>"I suppose not, and each of you has met the other's parents," Rodrigue conceded.</p><p>"See?"Felix dropped his hand to let Spinach Puff rub his head on it. </p><p>"Should we plan something?"</p><p>"You can," Felix said."Or just the next time all of you are at the lake, you meet up."</p><p>"Hm, I suppose."</p><p>They talked about it for a short while longer, but the conversation soon returned to the cats, and how badly Rodrigue would miss them. </p><p>"Get a cat, then?" Felix suggested.He could just imagine the old man becoming the lonely cat-lover of the neighbourhood, leaving food out for the strays and inadvertently attracting raccoons and skunks.It made him smirk.</p><p>"Maybe," Rodrigue said."It will be lonely, going home tonight.I will, of course, not miss just the cats."</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, trying to pretend that he would not miss anything in the city, himself.</p><p>"I should probably go, soon," Rodrigue said.He didn't have much to gather in preparation to leave, and said goodbye to the cats in turn, picking them up and not trying at all to hide how much he loved them.Felix snorted, but handed over the bag of treats so that the cats would be sure to remember the old man fondly.</p><p>"I'll miss you," Rodrigue said, hesitantly drawing Felix into a hug."It's a nice house.I'm proud of you."</p><p>"Thanks," Felix murmured, returning the embrace.</p><p>Pulling back, Rodrigue looked more sad than happy, which made Felix rethink this whole move.</p><p>"Promise to answer your phone sometimes."</p><p>It made Felix guilty enough to nod."Sure.Just don't bug me too much or I'll block your number."</p><p>"Don't you dare," Rodrigue warned."Or I'll drive down."</p><p>"Fine, fine."</p><p>"You'll be all right?"</p><p>Felix hadn't thought he was doing that bad a job at hiding his worry."Yeah, of course.Stop dragging this out."</p><p>"Of course.Goodbye.Just for now.I love you," Rodrigue said.</p><p>Felix looked down, then met his dad's eyes."I love you, too."</p><hr/><p>The sudden quiet after Rodrigue's car had pulled out of the little street was shocking.Felix left the window and plunked himself down on his couch, listening to the empty space of his new house.He could hear the electricity buzzing through the walls, a low, steady hum.He could hear sounds from outside, wind and birds.He could hear his own breathing.</p><p>Estoc had retreated into her safe little cat house, which at least smelled like her.Spinach Puff was lazily exploring the kitchen. </p><p>There was still stuff that needed doing.Felix went from room to room, much like Spinach Puff, only instead of sniffing the furniture, he adjusted things to how he thought he wanted it.He tried to make as little sound as possible.</p><p>It was a heavy feeling, now that there was no one to comment on his choices, or laugh about some joke without saying it aloud.Felix checked his phone, to read a message from Ingrid asking how his morning was and to say hello to his dad.Felix replied that he had, and that it was great finally being by himself.</p><p>Felix found some leftover pizza in the fridge and ate it cold at his kitchen table, looking out the back door at the long grass.The sun hit it from high, making the lawn glow emerald.There was no wind, and Felix spotted a pair of common white butterflies dancing close to his shed.</p><p>Greasy hand twitching, Felix tried to let himself enjoy this moment.All of this was his.He had what he wanted.</p><p>It was too quiet.Felix washed his hands in the kitchen sink and prowled to his armoury for a sword--but he didn't feel right going outside and leaving the cats all by themselves in the new house.He put it down without pulling it from the sheath.</p><p>He could do whatever he wanted.Felix patrolled, instead, roving into all his open rooms.Marianne had been right, he would need drapes, and carpets, too, to soften the sound of his footsteps and make it feel warmer inside.At the moment, with no pictures on the walls, it was a little echoey. </p><p>His muscles were still sore, so Felix decided to have the shower that he had wanted upon waking.He checked his phone again, opening his chat with Mia.Her last message was the same as the night before, congratulating him on the move.She was far away now, disconnected from the internet and from Felix.He shoved his phone in his pocket and opened the door to his bedroom.</p><p>There was a bag on the bed.</p><p>Felix remembered it as the one his dad had been carrying around when he'd arrived.He hoped there wasn't any food in it, festering in the sunlight hitting the bed from the window.He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled it closer by one handle.</p><p>The bag flopped onto its side, and a threadbare rabbit ear fell onto the bedspread.</p><p>Felix froze.He knew exactly what was in the bag, now.Hand shaking, he lifted the top of the bag so that he could see it, and carefully pull Bunny out into the light.</p><p>Bunny watched him with scuffed glass eyes.His once-pink nose had been grey for as long as Felix could remember.His left arm was loose from Felix carrying him around by it.Bunny was old, and tired, and yet somehow, still here.</p><p>As gently as he could, Felix hugged his childhood toy to his chest while he explored the rest of the contents of the bag.</p><p>There were more memories inside; a pair of toy swords--one dull and scratched from play-duels with Glenn, the other broken in half--a plastic wolf with quizzical, poorly painted pupils, a stuffed lion missing an eye after a fight with Villain, a deck of Pokémon cards held together with a rubber band, the knight Glenn had given him for his eighth birthday, and the toy fox Sylvain had begged him to hide from his brother and Felix had lost the place of.</p><p>It was all in rough shape, years of hard play followed by neglect making it look much less wonderful than it once had.Felix remembered hiding some of it in the basement himself, and the afternoon he'd stored Bunny in a plastic container with his other stuffed animals before his first day of Grade Ten.He hadn't known that his dad had kept the sword Dimitri had broken.He hadn't seen his ultimate Electric Pokémon deck in years and had thought it was gone.He'd thought that he'd thrown out the knight, and was heartbroken and relieved that his dad had spared it.</p><p>Among young Felix's treasures was a note.</p><p>'<em>Felix, I found these in the basement while looking for a picture to send along with you. I'm sure you have enough to worry about packing without adding your childhood things, so consider the rest safe here with me. Hopefully these will be enough to help you feel at home, though I expect Estoc and Spinach Puff will take much of that responsibility on themselves. Love, Dad. P.S. I'm still unable to find the picture I had in mind, I wonder if it even exists. I'll keep looking.'</em></p><p>Felix held onto Bunny for a few minutes longer, staring at all his old things and re-reading the note from his dad.These had been the toys Felix had cared about the most.And the note definitely said 'Estoc', and not 'Dahlia'.All this time, Rodrigue had been paying attention, and Felix missed him.</p><p>But he didn't feel guilty about it, or leaving.Bunny was familiar in his hand, the texture of his worn fur exactly as he remembered, a blessing.Felix was welcome to return home whenever he needed to, but he was also supported in his decision to move here.</p><p>Setting Bunny on the dresser, beside his photograph of himself and Glenn, Felix smiled, feeling a little less lonely than before.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>deleted scene:<br/>Ashe looked around at all the boxes of swords, and sword racks, both wall-mounted and free-standing.  "You know, Felix?  Maybe I shouldn't have been worried.  The only entity haunting this neighbourhood is going to be you.  Don't let your neighbours see this room."</p><p>not to be a sentimental crybaby but...old stuffed animals that still love you ;n;<br/>i'm happy to be referencing throwaway lines from 40 chapters ago. see, i do know what i'm doing!</p><p>the title is from 'Wild and Free' by Serena Ryder</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0056"><h2>56. you thought by now you'd have it figured out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mia visits Felix's house</p><p>a certain t-shirt makes a comeback?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Wednesday when Mia's family drove back home, in smooth, light traffic, after the long weekend.She couldn't wait to hear from Felix how his move had gone, and then see it for herself. </p><p>Until then, Mia worked in her notebook in silence on the road, sketching as yet un-tried pendant shapes in between notes about the most important overarching threads of her story.She would have liked to say this made for an artsy, elegant combination of words and images, but in reality it was just cramped and inconvenient.Still, she was making good progress and that was what mattered.Maybe someday Mia would be able to make a page that looked half as pretty as something Olivia could make, but until then she had to just accept her progress for what it was.</p><p>When the family got back home, and had unpacked their weekend clothes and supplies, Mia set up her laptop and checked on what she'd missed over the two-four.</p><p>In the Shepherds, Ricken had gotten welcome feedback from Robin and Chrom, and unwelcome tips from Henry with regards to his crime scene not being gory enough.Sylvain had shared a picture of Ruin, who had survived two days without Sylvain, and without ruining anything in the apartment.Ashe had been added to the Cat Support Chat, so that he could show off the enormously fat tom cat that he co-owned with a friend.The cat, Sir Cabbage of Chonk, looked at least five times larger than any cat Mia had ever known.She gave the picture a thumbs up reaction and replied with 'BIG'.</p><p>Felix had thanked her for her well-wishes on his move, but been fairly silent in the meantime.Mia asked how he was finding living alone, then got to work typing out some of her notes from the weekend.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> good</p><p><b>Felix:</b> wn c u visit</p><p> </p><p>Mia didn't know whether this meant he was more lonely than he wanted to admit, or just really wanted her to see the house.Either way, she was happy to oblige, and offered to stop by the next day.She'd have the truck, and could bring by the little thing she'd made as a housewarming present.She expected he'd like it.</p><p>He replied with 'sr if u wnt', which Mia interpreted as an enthusiastic 'yes please, that sounds great'.</p><hr/><p>Mia had printed out the map to Felix's new place, but also handwritten the directions just to make sure that it was easy to follow.She put the page on the seat beside her, resting atop the small box wrapped with paper printed with little party cats.Though it was birthday paper, Mia had thought that one of the cats looked too much like Estoc for her to pass up the opportunity.</p><p>When Mia pulled onto the little street, <em>Renais Lane--</em>which sounded cute but also like a kind of pasta sauce--she could spot Felix's house easily by virtue of the blue front door and the fact that Felix was sitting on the concrete steps in front of it, in jeans and a t-shirt.His dark hair gleamed in the bright sun.</p><p>There was plenty of space for Mia to park in the driveway, behind his car.Mia grabbed her purse and her present, leaving the directions turned upside down on the seat.When she got outside, Felix was leaning against the bricks of his house, looking like he was trying very hard not to smile.</p><p>"Hi!" Mia called.She hopped out of the truck and shut the door, turning around to find Felix standing pretty much right in front of her.Startling a little, Mia exhaled and looked up at him through her eyelashes."Excited to see me, much?"</p><p>He glanced away."Almost everyone else has seen the house," he said.</p><p>"Mm-hm," Mia said."Well, I'm happy to see, you, too."She put her free arm around him and kissed him on the cheek.</p><p>He made a little sound as he let out a breath, and when Mia stepped back he looked soft again, like he did when she'd sung to him, or after the few times they'd shared a kiss.She hoped she never got used to that look, because right now it felt like a special occasion whenever she got to see it.</p><p>"So, can I see what you've done with the place?" Mia had seen photos of the empty house on the realtor's website, but imagined it was much different after five days of him living in it, and the cats living in it, too.</p><p>"Of course," Felix said, leading her to the side door, past his car.He extended his hand behind him, a silent demand that she fill it with her own."You shouldn't have gotten me anything."</p><p>Mia wrapped her fingers around his and laughed."Oh?You're certain it's something for you?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"It could be for the cats," Mia suggested.</p><p>"You don't believe in spoiling the cats," Felix pointed out.</p><p>Letting herself be tugged around the door, Mia said, "so you want me spoiling you, instead?"</p><p>"I'm already spoiled," Felix told her."You can't cause any worse damage."</p><p>"Maybe I just liked the paper and wrapped an empty box," Mia said.</p><p>"Let's see it?"</p><p>Mia hid the present behind her back."Let me get inside first!"</p><p>"Fine, fine," Felix said, guiding her into the side entryway, where they both removed their shoes before climbing the steps inside.</p><p>It was a small house, and clean.Mia had imagined herself living in a little place like this before, if she ever made it big writing or selling jewellery.It was all she could see herself needing.</p><p>"I like it," Mia said."Spinach Puff!"</p><p>He greeted her with a headbutt, then sprawled in the middle of the hall.</p><p>"How are the cats liking it, so far?" Mia asked, crouching to rub Spinach Puff's soft cheeks.</p><p>"Estoc is not well pleased," Felix said."She wishes to return to her city life."</p><p>"Oh no!What about you?How are you liking your quiet little street?"</p><p>"It's fine.I can see the sky."</p><p>"Just fine?" Mia asked.She knew he usually under-exaggerated things, but would have hoped that he'd be a little more outwardly enthusiastic about his move.She couldn't imagine not feeling like it was a huge deal, owning a house.</p><p>Felix shrugged."I'm still getting used to it.I've also got this time off and I guess I'm not sure what to do with it."</p><p>"Maybe it's a little lonely, too?" Mia asked.</p><p>"Don't be stupid, this is what I wanted."</p><p>Mia stood up."Well, show me around!"</p><p>The first stop was the kitchen, where Mia left her gift on the table.It was a nice room, and one that he probably wouldn't need to repaint.It was clean and white, with pale wooden doors on the cabinets.The floor was some kind of softwood, and creaked a little underfoot.Mia looked out the window to the backyard, recently trimmed.There was a lot of view into the neighbours' yards, there not being either a fence or a hedge, but that gave it an open feeling.</p><p>"How are the neighbours?" Mia asked.</p><p>"Fine.Got the boy to cut the lawn, he turned it into some kind of competition.House on the other side is mostly quiet, but they've got a bike and must drive it to work."</p><p>"Loud."</p><p>"It's not bad, Estoc wakes me up before then, anyway."</p><p>"So you haven't met them, yet?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix shook his head."Just the house the driveway's up against.Single dad with twins."</p><p>"That's gotta be tough."</p><p>"Hm."</p><p>Felix showed Mia to the living room, which was sparsely decorated with just a small couch and an armchair, with a television on the opposite wall.There was a low shelf set near the window, with a cushion on it--presumably for the cats to sit on.</p><p>"Spinach Puff likes spying on the dogwalkers," Felix explained."He hides when he hears the motorcycle, though."</p><p>"It might remind him of tractor noises," Mia guessed.</p><p>The 'nursery' was still unpainted, but there were hooks and nails all over the walls for Felix's swords.The weapons themselves were still packed away, in boxes stacked like a fortress in the middle of the room.There was a small window facing the driveway.</p><p>"You're going to need curtains or blinds or something," Mia said, as they explored the next room, a small space Felix planned on using as an office/gaming nook. </p><p>"I know, Marianne already said."</p><p>"Pick them out after you've painted," Mia suggested.</p><p>The washroom was a little small, but it had a bath, which was a nice little luxury.The previous owners had liked blue, and Mia suspected that so did Felix. </p><p>His master bedroom looked very similar to his room at home, though it was not carpeted wall-to-wall.There was a grey rug between the bed and his dresser, the latter of which held his picture of Glenn and his antique-store dish.They had been joined by an old toy rabbit and a little knight action figure, both looking like they'd seen better days.A bedsheet was being used as a curtain.</p><p>"Stylish," Mia said, pointing at it.</p><p>"It's temporary," Felix informed her.</p><p>"There's more space in here than I expected from the pictures," Mia said, moving on."Pretty nice!"</p><p>"Thanks," Felix said.</p><p>There wasn't much more to look at, just the basement, where Felix had some boxes and extra chairs.It was quite cool.</p><p>"Air conditioning?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix shook his head.</p><p>"This is going to be your favourite place over the summer," Mia told him."Our basement's unfinished so it's no fun to hang out in."</p><p>"Sucks," Felix said.</p><p>They returned upstairs, and sat down at the kitchen table.Estoc, who had been avoiding them up until this point, slunk into the room and sat down at the fridge, staring.Mia pushed her gift closer to Felix and told him to open it.</p><p>"Estoc," Felix called softly."Wanna see what Mia brought?"</p><p>He turned so that he was sitting sideways in his chair, and held the box out for the cat to see.Estoc stretched her nose out to sniff, then made her slow way over.Her tail swung, languid, and she rubbed the side of her face on the present.</p><p>"This cat looks just like you, but she's got a little hat.You wouldn't let me put a hat on you."</p><p>Mia smiled, watching Felix rub Estoc's ears before sitting straight again and picking at the tape. </p><p>Inside the box was a toilet paper tube, and wrapped around that were seven little copper swords, held together by a string of fine gauge wire.Felix unwound it, letting one end dangle as he examined it.Estoc's ears pointed forward.</p><p>"Not for you," Felix murmured.He laid the 'garland' on the table, touching each little wire sword."You're getting better at making swords," he said.</p><p>"Thanks," Mia said quietly."I thought you could hang it in your kitchen window, and it'd catch the light or something."</p><p>"Oh," Felix said, looking up at the bare kitchen window."Yeah, that would be great.This is really cool."</p><p>"You like it?"</p><p>Felix smiled at her in that soft way."Of course.It's perfect.Can I put it up now?"</p><p>"Sure," Mia said, and helped him to hook it over the window trim above the sink, advising how it would look best if he let the swords drape a bit lower.It was a spindly little decoration, but it added a lot of personality to the kitchen.Whether or not that could be called 'charm' was another story, but Mia was pleased with how it had turned out, and how genuinely happy Felix seemed upon looking at it.</p><p>"Nice.Homey," Felix said, stepping back to admire their handiwork.</p><p>Mia giggled."Swords are homey?But it is very 'you'."It was very cute, just like he was.</p><p>"I guess so.Annette was pretty mad that I had so little decor and called me a robot.Maybe you can begin teaching me your magpie ways."Felix leaned forward against the counter, over the sink.</p><p>"Next time Annette sees, she'll be shocked by your maximalism," Mia declared, resting her hip against the cabinet to face him.</p><p>Felix ran his fingers through his bangs."Let's not go <em>too</em> far."</p><p>"One shiny knick-knack at a time," Mia agreed.</p><p>Seeing that he was not going to get out of a cluttered future, Felix rolled his eyes, smiling, and thanked her again.</p><p>"Although I was hoping to hear you sing," Felix admitted, "but I'm happy with this, too."</p><p>"Aw," Mia said."Although, you got the house of your dreams.That might count as a victory?"</p><p>Felix reddened.Mia was conscious of the house around them, of the clear expanse of the kitchen empty of personality except for the string of tiny copper swords now dangling from the window.This was Felix's home now, and he clearly had a lot of work to do before it felt that way.Mia wondered if there were more ways that she could help.She was finding it difficult to think of anything but the two of them.</p><p>"I suppose it is," he said quietly.Whether he did not find this the house of his dreams, or count it as a victory, or simply was anticipating the moment now that Mia had brought it up, she couldn't tell.So she waited.</p><p>Felix hunched his shoulders."I--hmph."</p><p>"You okay?" Mia asked.</p><p>He nodded."Is it too much to ask?For you to sing?"</p><p>"No," Mia said.As long as it was just the two of them, she liked singing for him.She had come to treasure the feeling of trusting him, and the happiness that doing so seemed to bring him."What do you want?"</p><p>"Let's sit down," Felix said.</p><p>The two of them found their way to his couch, and Mia saw that Spinach Puff was engaging in his new hobby of watching the street.He turned and let out a soft meow, as if to say, 'You guys are missing all the good stuff!'</p><p>The couch itself was a new piece of furniture, firm beneath Mia's butt, and as simple as the rest of the room.Felix sat beside her, and leaned his head back.Then he frowned, and reached behind himself to tug the elastic out of his hair.He held it between his fingers, stretching it then letting it relax, over and over. </p><p>"Felix," Mia began.</p><p>He gave his head a little shake."I said I'd do better at this," he breathed.Mia waited.Felix swallowed, then said, "I guess it's buyer's remorse?I wanted to be alone but now I'm not sure."</p><p>"That's understandable," Mia said.</p><p>"I just think maybe I didn't need this.Like it was too big a step," Felix admitted, nearly too quietly for Mia to hear.He looked away, still fidgeting with his elastic. </p><p>"I guess it was a big step," Mia agreed."But you're not alone.You're just closer to a different set of people, now."</p><p>"I'm thinking a lot."</p><p>"Have you gotten any of your swords out?" Mia asked.</p><p>He shrugged."Not really.I feel weird."</p><p>"I think you'll get more comfortable here with a little time.Same as Estoc," Mia pointed out.</p><p>"Maybe," Felix said, almost smiling."I wish that was all it was, though."</p><p>"Well, if you need anything, or want to talk, just ask.Or drive down anytime you want," Mia suggested.</p><p>"Even in the middle of the night?" Felix asked.</p><p>"Throw pebbles at my window," Mia told him.Then laughed."But actually, don't."</p><p>"I wouldn't."</p><hr/><p>"What would you want me to sing?" Mia asked.</p><p>Felix stretched his elastic over his wrist and rolled it back and forth.His heart was pounding from admitting to his fears, and some of the loneliness he'd been feeling.But he had promised to do better when it came to asking Mia for help, and this was what he was doing.She could trust him, and open herself up and express her vulnerabilities.Felix needed to do that, too.</p><p>"<em>Porcelain</em>."</p><p>"Oh," Mia said, and Felix worried that maybe he had revealed more than she wanted to see.But then she nodded, and started to sing it, her voice soft and low, just loud enough for Felix to hear.So he leaned a little closer and closed his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You thought by now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You'd have it figured out</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You can't erase</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The way it pulls when seasons change</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It hurts sometimes</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To find where you begin</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But you are perfect porcelain</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Swallowing, Felix thought maybe he was cheating, by making Mia sing this for him instead of just asking her outright for help.But he didn't know how to say it.He was just feeling a lot, between leaving home and remembering his childhood and trying to look forward to the changes he was making.He was tired and uncertain, but happy to be sitting next to Mia even as he doubted whether he should allow himself to feel that way.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The slow and simple melody</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of tears you cannot keep from me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's all right if you don't know</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What you need</em>
</p><p> </p><p>As Mia began the second verse, Felix examined that doubt, thinking of his father in the city all by himself, and about how things would have been different if Glenn was still here.Nothing would be the same, he knew.Felix wished anyway that Glenn were there, to see Felix's progress and his house and to meet Mia.</p><p>He leaned his head into her shoulder, blinking and hoping that she wouldn't feel it if the wetness growing in his eyes got onto her sleeve.She didn't say anything, or stop, just brought her other hand to the back of his head and slowly, carefully, combed her fingers through his hair.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The slow and simple melody</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of tears you cannot keep from me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's all right if you don't know</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What you need</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She sang it into his ear, and he knew that he couldn't keep it from her, and that made it better and worse at the same time.And her hand in his hair was comforting, even as it threw him even further backward in time, to memories of tearfulness and of accepting a soothing embrace.</p><p>Felix never let himself feel this way, and it was scary how much he needed to.Ever since Glenn's death, and even in choosing to move out here, Felix had been saying, without words, that he was strong and independent and invulnerable.</p><p>Mia hummed the part where the song built up into the bridge, her fingers not leaving his hair.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh, when your heart releases</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You won't fall to pieces</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You'll let those old diseases lie</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, and your heart releases</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You won't fall to pieces</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And your breath comes crashing in</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Like perfect porcelain</em>
</p><p> </p><p>There wasn't any crashing breath, or sobbing, or release.Felix did not fall to pieces, and he did not let his old diseases lie.He just silently leaked onto Mia's sleeve, and she just held onto him, smoothing his hair and singing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The slow and simple melody</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of tears you cannot keep from me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's all right if you don't know</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What you need</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Nothing really changed about their position when Mia had sung the final note.Felix didn't want to move, but he felt bad about soaking Mia's t-shirt.She didn't seem to mind, either that or the things Felix had tried to say by choosing that particular song.For a few moments, neither said anything, and the quiet felt safe for a change, rather than empty and sad.</p><p>When Felix was ready, and most of his tears had seeped into her sleeve, he pulled away, sitting up and glancing at her.</p><p>"Thank you," he whispered.</p><p>"You okay?" Mia asked.</p><p>He nodded."I just," he began, his voice heavy, "I keep thinking how much I wish you could've met him.Glenn.Or him being here, and it's--" but it wasn't stupid, even if it would never happen.</p><p>"I wish that, too," Mia whispered.And the fingers combing through the ends of his hair seemed to also say, 'I'm right here and I'm all right with you'. </p><p>Another wave of sadness rolled over Felix and he sobbed into his hand, turning away.He tried to laugh."I hate crying."</p><p>Mia smoothed through his hair, down his back.It felt almost too nice."It's good for you, though.And you've been really stressed lately.You'll feel better."</p><p>"Maybe," Felix said.</p><p>She didn't press the matter, or say anything as Felix wiped at his eyes with his hand, drying them on his jeans.He looked over at her, sure that he was not very handsome in this moment, his pale skin probably splotchy and his eyes red-rimmed as well as tired and baggy.</p><p>"You're soaked," he said.</p><p>"Just one sleeve," Mia said, touching it and crinkling her nose.</p><p>"Wear something else."Felix was reluctant to leave the comfort of Mia's hand at his back, but didn't want her to have to sit uncomfortably with a cold wet shoulder for the rest of the afternoon--especially when it was his fault.</p><p>"I don't just keep spare clothing in the truck, since it isn't exactly my vehicle," Mia pointed out.</p><p>There was a solution."Fine.I'll find you something."</p><p>Felix got up, wiping his hand down his cheeks one more time.He heard Mia stand, behind him, and self-consciously gathered his hair behind his head, twisting it once before letting it fall loose again.He lead Mia through the hall, to his bedroom.She stopped in the doorway as he crossed the floor to the dresser.</p><p>"It'll dry in no time," Mia said, as Felix crumpled some of his shirts worse than they already were in his search.</p><p>"Shut up," Felix said.He found the proper tee, pale yellow with white writing on it, and threw it to Mia.It fell short, so she had to lean forward to catch it on one finger.It still dragged along the floor.</p><p>Mia held up the tee to read the text on the front.She was smiling."This doesn't suit me," she said, but turned and pressed on the door to the sword-room before remembering which one led to the washroom.She disappeared behind it, leaving Felix to rub at his eyes again, in the futile hope that they'd look less red.Maybe she had been right about crying making him feel better, or maybe having a distraction was enough.In moments she reappeared, wearing the replacement shirt and carrying the soggy one over her forearm.</p><p>"It does suit you," Felix said, enjoying the loose way the tee fit her.It made it a little difficult to make out the words 'I'd rather be a riot than indifferent' on the front, but he didn't mind.Mia gathered her hair behind her, smoothing it.Then she tugged at the hem of the shirt to look down and read it.</p><p>"I'm not a riot," Mia said."That's your job.Impolite would only be beneath me."</p><p>"That's not what I came for," Felix said.</p><p>"--<em>My amor, I hate to admit it but I miss the war</em>," Mia sang, finishing the line he'd begun.</p><p>"Anyway, I seem to recall you being the rude one," Felix said, intrigued by the feeling that he kind of liked seeing Mia in his clothes, while also thinking he should be aloof from it.He passed her in the hall, returning to the main part of the house, trying to look properly haughty."Criticizing my coffee and my family."</p><p>"You were the first to start a fight with your dad," Mia pointed out, trailing after him."You set a precedent for rudeness."</p><p>"So you admit that we're both riots.Impolite isn't beneath you at all."</p><p>"Fine, you got me," Mia agreed.In the kitchen, she draped her t-shirt over the back of one of the two chairs, then leaned against the counter."Are you feeling a bit better?" she asked, her tone shifting to one of concern.</p><p>Felix nodded, watching her with one hand on a chair."And you're probably right, that I'll get used to it in time."</p><p>It must have come out sadder than he'd intended, because Mia's face turned into a little frown, and suddenly she had crossed the space between them and spread her arms a little.</p><p>"Can I hug you?" she asked.</p><p>"Yes," Felix said quickly.</p><p>It was not a brief hug.Mia wrapped her arms around him and her hands found the ends of his hair again, which felt really nice.Felix curled into her, leaning his face into her shoulder.He could feel her inhale.</p><p>"Shit," Felix breathed."Uh--this is good."</p><p>Her shoulders shook a little with silent laughter."For what it's worth, I'm glad that you're closer."</p><p>Felix was too, if it meant that this could happen a little more often.He relaxed, happy just to be holding onto Mia like this, standing in the middle of his bare little kitchen.Bare except for the glinting little swords now decorating his window, of course.</p><p>He supposed it had been foolish of him to think that he'd be comfortable here right away.He and Estoc were similar, after all, and it was possible to feel worse again after feeling better. </p><p>"Anything else you need, you can ask," Mia said.</p><p>"There is something," Felix said."I meant to message you about it.We can get a coffee and then talk about it outside?"</p><p>Mia nodded, her chin on his shoulder."Of course."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this thing's longer than Jane Eyre! longer than G*blet of F*re! take that<br/>of course we've only reached 6 kiss scenes and half of them are on the cheek, but these things take time!</p><p>most of this chapter was written 5 days ahead of time because i was hyped for the Porcelain scene</p><p>anecdote with no bearing on the story: Porcelain always makes me think of when it's snowing at night and big fluffy flakes kind of appear only as they reach the orange glow of a streetlight, and that sphere is just filled with them, and you can hear them settling on the ground and you might be in space or you might be in the smallest snowglobe you've ever seen but in either case the whole world is in that moment, and there's nowhere you'd rather be because there's just peace and calm and the soft percussion of a million fluffy snowflakes, and you inhale and breathe out a cloud of mist</p><p>anecdote with some bearing on the story: while writing the snow scene at the end of chapter 40 I had Porcelain on repeat</p><p>i'm so excited because i've decided who Felix's other neighbour is and spoiler alert! they aren't from Sacred Stones! when they meet is still kind of up in the air but i'm pumped for it shgdfshg</p><p>anyway yeah 'Porcelain' is by Marianas Trench, as is 'This Means War' which we quote a little after the shirt lending scene uwu i'm loving all the little throwbacks in recent chapters</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0057"><h2>57. yeah, well, payback is a motherf----r</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>children learn by watching adults</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Speaking with Mia made Felix more confident that not only was he justified in the decision he was making, but also that it would make her very happy.He didn't give her all of the details, such as the fact that this was intended to be an act of revenge, but she seemed to think it was a good idea and said that she would gladly help however she could.</p><p>Therefore, when Felix went home that Sunday to pick up a few odds and ends, he also brought something to leave with the old man in his large, now-empty house.Mia had offered to go with him, but Felix didn't want her to be in firing range if it happened to start a fight.</p><p>It was the last weekend of May, and about a week until Sylvain's birthday.As was the norm, the weather was already summery and hot.Felix was glad for the air conditioning in his car, and put it on blast for the long drive in the sun.</p><p>Driving down the familiar streets of where he'd grown up, trying not to think of it as coming home, made Felix oddly more certain of his new house.The city was concrete and grey, the few trees and patches of lawn interspersed among the buildings he passed feeling sparse compared to the landscape of Ailell.</p><p>The house itself seemed a lot bigger, too, as Felix pulled into the driveway and looked up at the monstrous facade.The old man was really going to stay in this mansion all by himself?Felix was still adjusting to the small scale of his new home, but he was beginning to understand how excessive was the one he'd grown up in.</p><p>Most of the stuff Felix was bringing could be brought inside later.Steeling himself, Felix gathered the one thing he needed to enact his vengeance, and approached the front door.</p><hr/><p>The old man was waiting just inside when Felix got there.He looked like he was hoping for a hug, which was ridiculous, because Felix had been gone for exactly one week and they usually went months without showing any kind of familial affection.Repressing the emotions was just another one of the many Fraldarius curses.</p><p>Seeing the cat carrier Felix had in his arms made Rodrigue stop in place.</p><p>"Oh?I thought you took both cats to Ailell to stay," Rodrigue said, and Felix hesitated, not for the first time.But he was in too deep to back out now.</p><p>Keeping his eyes averted to the floor, Felix shrugged as he got his shoes off without putting down the carrier.Its passenger was staying very still at the back, out of sight."Well, it seemed like you were having a hard time.Me moving out."</p><p>"I assure you, I'm quite all right, and quite happy for you," Rodrigue said.Felix tilted his chin, directing the old man down the hall, into the kitchen.Rodrigue frowned, but went, ahead of Felix.</p><p>"I know, but I thought there might be a way to make it easier," Felix said.He stopped just inside of the room and began fiddling open the latch of the cat carrier. </p><p>"You really should keep both--" Rodrigue cut himself off as Felix reached into the carrier, pulling out a cat that was neither Estoc or Spinach Puff.Gingerly, Felix held the weapon with which he was exacting his vengeance.</p><p>"Felix, that's--"</p><p>"This is Angie," Felix said, eyes flicking upward to see his father's expression--he looked away before he could really read what it was, though."Mia couldn't find anyone else to look after him and you need a cat."</p><p>Rodrigue seemed dumbfounded.He didn't answer for what seemed like ages.Angie wriggled in Felix's grip.</p><p>At last, his father cleared his throat."I, ah, wish you would have told me you planned this."</p><p>"He's your cat now," Felix said.</p><p>"I suppose he is," Rodrigue admitted, through his teeth."I certainly have the space, now.Why--ah.Why didn't you say anything?"</p><p>Felix glared at him."You don't know?You think I brought you a cat unannounced without <em>learning</em> that from someone?"</p><p>"Oh," Rodrigue said."You mean, when..."</p><p>Felix nodded, watching the realization sink in.</p><p>"Felix, what is your plan if I decide I don't want a cat?"</p><p>"The same as yours was."</p><p>"Hmm." Rodrigue was clearly thinking back to his behaviour of six years ago."I really--the cats were always <em>yours</em>, you know."</p><p>"Please," Felix scoffed.He'd heard the nonsense the old man had babbled at the cats on moving day.He'd watched them being snuck leftovers from the fridge. </p><p>Rodrigue's eyes widened, and then he hid his sheepish smile behind one hand."I suppose I am rather--you said <em>Angie</em>?But it's a male cat?"</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Felix dumped the now-struggling Angie onto the kitchen floor."It's short for Shoulder Angel, which Mia thought you might approve of."</p><p>"Oh, how clever," Rodrigue said, and Felix fought his own smile as his father knelt to offer a hand for the cat to sniff.</p><p>"Be careful, he--"</p><p>"<em>Shi--</em>"</p><p>"--bites."Felix bit his lip to keep from laughing, choosing not to acknowledge his father's poorly-stifled curse, out of respect for the old man during this challenging time.</p><p>"You brought a cat that bites me," Rodrigue said, clutching his hand like he'd been dealt a near-fatal blow.From what Felix could see, Angie hadn't even broken the skin."I understand now.All too clearly."</p><p>"I thought it might remind you of me when I'm off in Ailell," Felix said, as Rodrigue tentatively tried to pat Angie on the head.The cat snapped at his fingers, not in an aggressive way--Angie simply liked to bite.Rodrigue pulled his hand away, just in time.</p><p>He sighed."How did I raise you?This is something--"</p><p>"Glenn would do?" Felix finished, and Rodrigue swallowed, looking up guiltily.Felix rolled his eyes, and tapped his foot on the kitchen floor."Whatever.One cat, two mementoes.And all you have to pay is the medical bills."</p><p>"And food, and time, and--"</p><p>"<em>I'm</em> not taking it back to Mia's farm and telling her that you don't mind it being eaten by foxes."</p><p>Rodrigue stood.He slowly brought his hand to his hair."The two of you are quite conniving.You say she couldn't find another home for, ah, <em>Angie?"</em></p><p>"No," Felix said. </p><p>"Due to his violent tendencies, I presume."</p><p>Felix shrugged."That, and no one either of us know wants a cat right now.Except for you."</p><p>"I do not recall saying I wanted a cat," Rodrigue pointed out, conveniently forgetting how much he'd carried on about missing the cats and how lonely he would be in his big house all by himself without any cats and how Felix had even suggested getting a cat and been met with 'maybe' which <em>could</em> be interpreted as 'yes I'd like a cat'.</p><p>"You need one.It'll take your mind off me moving out, having my own place, and a girlfriend, who could visit me at any time and--"</p><p>"Yes, yes, point taken!I do <em>not</em> want to know.Do you think I can teach him not to bite?"</p><p>Felix laughed."We thought you'd be the one with the best chance of it." </p><p>Meanwhile, Angie seemed to realize for the first time that he was in a strange place, and looked around.Something in the cat's expression, the way the black splotch on top of his head curved unevenly above his eyes, made him look calmly confused.Mia had said that there was nothing in Angie's head except for bloodlust.He did not know what was going on at any given time, but he was pretty okay with it so long as there was something to bite.</p><p>"I'll go and get the food and other stuff he needs," Felix said.</p><p>Rodrigue looked up, almost like he hadn't heard."Hm?Oh--yes, I suppose you should."</p><p>Felix turned away to leave his dad to the cat.As he got his sneakers back on for the short trip to the car, he heard a hiss from the old man and a muttered curse.</p><p>"More like shoulder <em>devil</em>, at this point," Rodrigue grumbled.Felix, in the privacy of the hall, allowed himself the opportunity to grin broadly.</p><hr/><p>After the last trip from the car was finished, Felix found the old man trailing after Angie as the cat explored the piano room.</p><p>"I might leave the doors closed," Rodrigue said."Oh, is that a scratching post?Hopefully that's enough."</p><p>"We'll see," Felix said.</p><p>Rodrigue laughed once."He's...a cute little fellow, I suppose.Handsome in a rakish way?A little smaller than I would expect.How old is he?"</p><p>"Same as Spinach Puff," Felix told him, setting his stuff down in the hall."Almost a year.Mia's not sure of the exact date."</p><p>"Hm, so I'll have to schedule an appointment with the vet."</p><p>"Yeah, that'll help with behaviour, too."</p><p>"And what do I do about yours?" Rodrigue asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Felix nearly choked."Excuse me?"</p><p>"What did you--oh," Rodrigue said."Your <em>behaviour!</em>What do I do about you bringing me cats unannounced!"</p><p>"Now you know what I went through," Felix pointed out, remembering he was supposed to be merciless."At least I thought ahead and brought supplies!And there's no more cats at the moment."</p><p>"Good.Wait, <em>at the moment?</em>Don't bring anymore--"</p><p>"We'll see," Felix said, trying to be ominous but laughing instead.</p><p>Rodrigue sighed."'Shoulder Angel'.Why do I have the feeling if I tried to put him on my shoulder I'd end up with a freshly pierced ear?"</p><p>"Because the cat bites," Felix reminded him."It's not too late to just take him to a shelter or find someone else."</p><p>Both men watched Angie explore.The cat was far stockier than either Estoc or Spinach Puff, his chubby-looking paws creamy white against the grey flooring.Unfortunately, he wasn't the softest of animals.It was yet another point against him.</p><p>"We'll see how it goes," Rodrigue said.Angie found the couch and squeezed himself underneath it.Felix glanced at his dad, to see a small--but very genuine--smile on the old man's face.</p><p>"You'll get along, it's not like you've never had cats before," Felix said.</p><p>Rodrigue let out a single laugh."I've never had one that <em>bites</em>.Even Villain never bit me.This beast has already bitten me four times."</p><p>"Mia thinks he's got bad eyesight.It started when they'd feed him from their hands and he'd just bite indiscriminately rather than the treats."</p><p>"So it's Miss Cecile's fault, then," Rodrigue said, mournfully.</p><p>"Spinach Puff turned out fine," Felix pointed out.</p><p>Angie had yet to emerge from beneath the couch, so Rodrigue crouched and tried to peer underneath."Spinach Puff is the most polite cat I've ever met.If you had brought a sweetie like Spinach Puff I would be thanking you and telling all the other parents about my wonderful son."</p><p>Felix feigned a retch."Thank God I brought Angie, then."</p><p>Angie's paw appeared, claws out, to attack the hand Rodrigue had offered."Yes, your revenge cat," Rodrigue said, yanking his fingers away just in time."At least it all turned out all right with Dahlia."</p><p>"Yeah, but you still brought me a cat without talking about it first," Felix reminded him."I--wasn't ready.Just because it worked out doesn't mean that you did the right thing."</p><p>Rodrigue stood, out of range of Angie's attacks."You're right.After Glenn--I didn't handle a lot of things very well.My intentions--and any positive results--don't make up for that.I'm sorry."</p><p>Shrugging one shoulder, Felix watched the gap beneath the couch, where Angie lurked just out of sight."Thanks," he said softly."And I understand why.I was awful, too."</p><p>"You were trying to form boundaries during an extremely difficult time," Rodrigue pointed out."Of course I understand."</p><p>"Still," Felix said."I know I said a lot of things I shouldn't have.I'm sorry.And if you don't want the cat--"</p><p>"I'm keeping the cat," Rodrigue interrupted, his voice firm."You're right that I need one.This week, I kept expecting to see either of them--and you.This is what I need.You aren't the only one who enjoys a challenge."</p><p>Some of the tension Felix had been feeling about his actions dissipated."Good.He's a bas--uh--not the nicest cat, but he deserves a good home."</p><p>"You can say 'bastard'," Rodrigue said.</p><p>Felix did choke, laughing so hard he doubled over. </p><p>Calmly, Rodrigue said, "Shoulder Bastard."</p><p>If the Shoulder Bastard in question had any intention of leaving the safety of the couch, he was no doubt rethinking it at the sound Felix made on hearing <em>that</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wrote a lot of this back in september and then had to figure out how to squeeze it in, and when. walking the tightrope of surprise and believability was not easy, and i'm still not sure i pulled that off but in general i'm very happy with this chapter. i think i am So Very Funny</p><p>the title is from 'Desperate Measures' by Marianas Trench and it used to be censored just like this in the single, but lately if i hear it on the radio they cut the entire line as well as the one preceding it, which always throws me off? Walk Off The Earth gets away with worse? it's 11 years old why change it now? so confused.</p><p>Shoulder Bastard hee hee</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0058"><h2>58. or maybe just a dangerous fantasy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>girls' night but my knowledge of Shania Twain music has run out and also i think the way this title works with the previous one is kind of cute</p>
<p>for some reason there are spoilers for the movie 'Spy' (2015)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia was about half-way through her revision, and though there was a significant portion of the middle that needed to be completely rewritten, she felt pretty good about the whole thing.The Shepherds had given her great advice on the Saturday of the long weekend, and since then, she had been coming up with more and more solutions to the sticky portions of her work in progress.</p>
<p>Maybe it was too soon to think about such things, but Mia was curious, and it was nice to message back and forth with Bernadetta about publishing, whether independently or traditionally.Bernie had lots of resources saved, from blog posts by established writers to websites that could help you discern whether a publisher or editor was worth getting in contact with, or simply one of many scammers trying to take advantage of hopeful writers.Some Mia recognized from lists Robin shared with the Shepherds, and others were new and contained welcome information.Mia passed those along to her regional group.</p>
<p>After dropping Angie off at Felix's that morning, Mia was eager to get some more work done.She was planning on doing revision for most of the afternoon, and then spending the next day photographing the latest batch of jewellery for her shop.It had slowed down as summer neared, but Mia was still making a few sales here and there and was pleasantly surprised with the success she had already had.</p>
<p>With a writing playlist softly filling the back of her mind, Mia delved into the scene she was trying to rework.The tricky part of adding a talking sword halfway through your novel was trying to explain how and why it had appeared, and then going back and making it seem as if it had been planned from the very beginning.Mia was just getting into it when her mother called up that there was a phone call for her.</p>
<p>Frowning, Mia looked at the clock.She estimated that Felix would still be on the road with Angie.She didn't even know why he would be calling her, and hoped that nothing was wrong.Pausing her music, Mia headed downstairs to find out for herself.</p>
<p>The voice on the other line did not belong to Felix.</p>
<p>"<em>Hi, Mia?It's Leonie."</em></p>
<p>"Leonie?" Mia repeated.Before she could formulate a single coherent question, the other woman launched into an explanation.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Yeah, I'm calling to know if you'd be up for coming by our place this afternoon?Ingrid ended things with Ferdinand and we're trying to get as many people together as we can to get her mind off it.Felix gave me your number.Ingrid wasn't going to text him to tell him what's going on, so I just asked whether I could have your info for regular meet-ups because I never got it the last time.That okay?"</em>
</p>
<p>Mia told her that it was.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh, good.So would you be up for it?"</em>
</p>
<p>Mia shrugged, and looked at the clock.It was just around noon."Sure.What time, and anything I should bring?"</p>
<p>
  <em>"Maybe your wire and stuff?I'm thinking the more stuff going on the better.And it's been a while since any of us saw it.Don't worry about food or anything, I nabbed some half-off muffins and cakes this morning as soon as she told us what she was doing."</em>
</p>
<p>"How is she?" Mia asked, thinking that she probably should have asked right away, but excusing herself because Leonie had not given her much opportunity.</p>
<p>"<em>She keeps going back and forth on whether and why it was the right choice.Marianne's out on a call and to be honest it's a </em>lot<em> to deal with by myself.I think she'll be fine, I mean, it's just a man, right?"</em></p>
<p>"She'll be fine," Mia agreed."But it'll be hard at first."</p>
<p>On the other end, Leonie groaned.<em>"I know, I know.Anyway, thanks a ton and I hope it turns out not to be a total cry-fest or anything."</em></p>
<p>"Ingrid's a friend, I'm happy to help if I can," Mia said, doubting that her presence could really make much of an impact.Her presence in addition to whoever else Leonie could round up, on the other hand, might go a long way to making Ingrid feel cared for."I think I can be there in an hour?"</p>
<p>"Great!See you then," Leonie said.</p>
<p>They said goodbye and Mia hung up, then sat and thought for a moment.She wasn't sure that Leonie's whole idea to bring her jewellery along was the best one, but supposed that if they were all doing something else, or talking, then she could just leave it packed away. </p>
<p>"So who was that?" Mrs. Cecile asked.Mia explained, and wished she could answer when her mom asked her what the reason had been for the break-up. </p>
<p>"I don't know," Mia said."But I kind of told her to go for it with this guy back in January?Or something.Anyway, I'd like to be there if I can."</p>
<p>"Of course," Mrs. Cecile said.</p>
<p>With the half-hour of extra time Mia had given herself, she wrote a few quick notes about the unfinished scene she was leaving before getting her things packed up for travel. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Mia was unsurprised that the ray of sunshine known as Ferdinand did not appear to offer to help carry her things to the house.It meant that Mia would need two trips, so she only brought the things she thought would be the most 'useful'--if she was being generous.</p>
<p>The door was open, and dusty paw-prints lead Mia inside.She knocked, anyway, before crossing the threshold when Leonie welcomed her in from the kitchen.</p>
<p>"Hey," Mia called, rubbing the soles of her slip-on shoes on the carpet to scrape off as much dust as she was able. </p>
<p>"Shoes can stay on," Leonie said, meeting Mia in the entryway."Blade's been all over the place so it's even more of a mess than usual.I can take your stuff."</p>
<p>"There's still more in the truck, but it can wait," Mia said.</p>
<p>Leonie nodded and relieved her of her case of jewellery, bringing it into the kitchen.She called over her shoulder."Mercie and Annette are on their way, and Hilda's picking out a movie."</p>
<p>Mia trailed after Leonie.She adjusted her bag of craft supplies on her shoulder."Is Marianne still out on her call?"</p>
<p>With a hum of affirmation, Leonie explained that one of Marianne's patients had gone into labour in the night, and was having difficulties into the morning.It took Mia a few seconds to realize that the patient in question was most likely a horse.</p>
<p>"I hope that she's doing all right," Mia said."The mother."</p>
<p>"Agreed," Leonie said, setting Mia's stuff on the kitchen table.In doing so, she shoved a pair of mugs clinking against a stack of plates, and several papers to the floor."But Marianne's the best at this, so I'm sure that mama horse and baby will be just fine."</p>
<p>"Where's Ingrid?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>Jerking her head to the tv room, Leonie lowered her voice to a whisper."She's moping with a slice of cake while Hilda tries to cheer her up.Thanks again for coming down.I suck at this."</p>
<p>"I doubt I can help much, but maybe combining our efforts will work?"</p>
<p>Leonie clapped her hand on Mia's shoulder."Let's hope so!Hilda's good at this, though."</p>
<p>"Mercedes seems like she would be, too," Mia agreed.</p>
<p>"Ready?"</p>
<p>They entered the tv room, where--as Leonie had said--Ingrid sat curled up very small in the armchair, picking at a very large slice of chocolate cake.Hilda, meanwhile, sat on the floor in front of the tv cabinet.</p>
<p>"Oh, no," Ingrid said, seeing Mia."You didn't have to come all the way out here.I'm fine."</p>
<p>She looked like she belonged in the kind of commercial featuring sad, shivering cats and dogs while Sarah McLachlan sang about angels. </p>
<p>"I'm happy to," Mia said."We haven't gotten together in quite some time, anyway."</p>
<p>Leonie snorted."This is a great excuse!"</p>
<p>Mia blushed, and Hilda giggled, before groaning, "Leonie, why don't you have Netflix like a regular person?"</p>
<p>"Because, it's a subscription and uses the internet and I can find all kinds of great movies for like a buck at a garage sale, and then own them forever!"Leonie plunked herself at the end of the couch nearest the television and Hilda."What's wrong with my library, anyway?Name one thing wrong with my movie library."</p>
<p>"It's all yucky action movies!And then there's <em>Adventures in Babysitting</em> on VHS!"</p>
<p>"The VCR still works, doesn't it?"</p>
<p>Hilda rolled her eyes."It's got three other titles scratched out because it was recorded over so many times!How stretched out is it?"</p>
<p>"Just a bit, that's why you don't pause them," Leonie protested.</p>
<p>"Who even wants <em>Adventures in Babysitting</em>?With commercial breaks?"</p>
<p>"It was on tv and I was twelve.They're vintage."</p>
<p>Hilda threw back her head."Mia, tell me you brought a decent movie."</p>
<p>Mia sat down on the other end of the couch."Sorry--if I'd known, I would have brought <em>Willow</em> or something."</p>
<p>"It's here," Hilda said, resigned. </p>
<p>"That was twenty cents at a yard sale," Leonie interjected.</p>
<p>"God, that was one Felix used to watch," Ingrid said."You and him really are two of a kind."</p>
<p>"To be fair, I like it for Sorsha," Mia said."Pretty sure Felix only cares about the sword-fights."</p>
<p>"You realize that only proves my point, right?You watching for Sorsha and him watching for Madmartigan," Ingrid said. </p>
<p>Mia didn't know what to say, struck suddenly by the fact that her presence might be doing the opposite of helping, if Ingrid looked at her and saw a person in a relationship that seemed to be going well so far.</p>
<p>"Well, we're not watching it," Hilda said.She shut the cabinet door and turned so she was sitting facing the room."I can put some music on, or we can all sing Christmas carols, but we need to have <em>some</em> kind of background noise."</p>
<p>"It's June," Leonie said, then, "I've got Celine."</p>
<p>"You're the weirdest," Hilda said. </p>
<p>Mia felt a pause, one that she knew she could fill by asking Ingrid what had happened with her and Ferdinand, but she didn't want to make her have to explain again if she didn't want to.And though she had her jewellery-making supplies with her, she didn't feel right opening it up and just starting something. </p>
<p>Ingrid used her fork to pull one corner of her cake into a pile of crumbs.This she flattened with the back of the utensil, before breaking it up again.Leonie stared at her, then tore away to the kitchen like she couldn't bear to watch.Perhaps she couldn't--Mia realized she had only ever seen Ingrid tearing into food with great gusto. </p>
<p>"I don't know," Ingrid said, after watching Leonie make her exit and then returning her attention to her plate."I don't know.I definitely don't want to hear Celine Dion though."</p>
<p>Hilda laughed."Of course not.It's one-thirty--too early to mix a drink?"</p>
<p>"Yes," Ingrid said.</p>
<p>"Mia?"</p>
<p>Mia shook her head."No--I mean, no thanks, I'm fine--"</p>
<p>"Have a piece of cake," Leonie called."I bought three.Or a muffin!"</p>
<p>"I'm good for now," Mia assured her.</p>
<p>"Well, I'll have a muffin," Hilda said, getting to her feet."Oh, good, you brought your wire.I want to see again how you start a ring."</p>
<p>"Sure," Mia said.</p>
<p>Hilda winked at her and left Mia alone with Ingrid, who sighed.</p>
<p>"Leonie really didn't need to invite everyone," she said."Sorry for dragging you out here."</p>
<p>Mia shook her head."How's it going?"</p>
<p>"I'm not sure.I don't know.Did I do the right thing?" Ingrid asked, as though Mia knew what she had even done, or why.</p>
<p>"I think," Mia said carefully, trying to remember what she knew about the two of them, "that if it felt like you needed to, and you couldn't stop thinking about it, then it was probably right for you.And you can break up with someone and still like them."</p>
<p>"I do," Ingrid admitted, her voice low.</p>
<p>Mia didn't know if asking 'why' was the right thing."Do you want to think about it more, or do you want to think about other stuff?"</p>
<p>"I can't help it either way," Ingrid groaned.</p>
<p>"What was it?" Mia asked, hopefully quiet enough that Ingrid could pretend she hadn't heard.</p>
<p>Ingrid shrugged the shoulder that wasn't crushed into the armchair."He was just--too perfect?Too much like what I always fantasized?Ugh--I'm so stupid."</p>
<p>"No, you're not," Mia said, hoping that was not the only reason, or the whole reason, for Ingrid's decision.</p>
<p>Hilda and Leonie returned, Hilda balancing a muffin on a plate and Leonie holding a beer.They filled the rest of the couch.</p>
<p>"I am, though.I got to date my crush and then I dumped him!Because he was what I wanted!"</p>
<p>"Is it possible that what you want has changed?" Mia asked, thinking about the fact that she had been very happy with the idea of never having someone like her back before Felix.</p>
<p>Ingrid was quiet.She rested her plate on the arm of the chair, and held it in place with two fingers."I kept thinking maybe I was just--looking for something in him rather than enjoying him?This is dumb.What if I'm just sabotaging myself the way I do?"</p>
<p>"You don't," Leonie said. </p>
<p>"That's Sylvain's thing," Hilda added.</p>
<p>"Maybe after all the times I had to clean up after him, I've taken on some of his habits," Ingrid said.</p>
<p>Leonie threw Mia a desperate look over Hilda's ponytail.It quickly turned to relief when they heard gravel crunching in the driveway as Mercedes and Annette arrived in the latter's car.</p>
<p>"You'd be able to recognize it," Hilda promised, as Leonie excused herself to greet the new arrivals.</p>
<p>Mia pulled the pouch containing her pliers from the rest of her materials and fiddled with the zipper.</p>
<p>"Ferdinand is," Ingrid began, as if ready to recite a list, "the most beautiful man I know, the best rider I know, the most gallant man I know, and the exact type of person who could sweep me off my feet.The kind you'd imagine rescuing you.And I said, 'no, thanks'.I'm so stupid."</p>
<p>"Oh no," Mercedes' voice came from the kitchen."Of course you're not.Oh, sweetheart..."</p>
<p>She bustled into the tv room, and gently removed Ingrid's plate of cake, setting it down beside the television.Then, she leaned down and enveloped Ingrid in a hug.</p>
<p>"You didn't have to drive all this way for me," Ingrid murmured.</p>
<p>"Oh, silly, of course we did!We're all here for you."</p>
<p>"I pulled a Sylvain," Ingrid said.</p>
<p>"I can make you a nice tea with honey--and I know Marianne has lavender.Would you like that?"</p>
<p>Ingrid gave another half-shrug.</p>
<p>Mercedes stood back, her hands on her hips."It'll make you feel better, even if you just breathe in the smell.Oh, hello Mia!It's been a few months, hasn't it?"</p>
<p>"Yes, it's nice to see you," Mia said.</p>
<p>Mercedes eyes crinkled closed when she smiled, then she was off to the kitchen again to get to work making Ingrid's tea.Annette passed her in the doorway, and sat down on Hilda's other side after greeting the room.She had a large chunk of cake with white frosting and little multicoloured confetti sprinkles on it.</p>
<p>"So what's the plan?" she asked.</p>
<p>Hilda explained that she'd <em>wanted</em> to put on a movie, but Leonie had nothing worth their time.</p>
<p>"Let's see!" Annette said, setting down her cake and crouching to explore the movie library."What happened, anyway?If you want to talk about it."</p>
<p>"I dumped him.He's--we--it's over," Ingrid said.</p>
<p>"Did you have a fight, or--"</p>
<p>"No, no fight," Ingrid said."I just--felt like it wasn't right."</p>
<p>"Oh," Annette said."I'm sorry it didn't work out.You guys were cute.But you've got to trust your gut!"</p>
<p>Ingrid curled deeper into the chair."That's the problem.I think I screwed up."</p>
<p>"It's just like Felix buying his house, though," Mia said."You always wonder if a big decision was the right one."</p>
<p>"Felix regrets buying his house?" Leonie asked, clearing an ottoman and sitting down on it.Mercedes leaned in the doorway of the kitchen, her attention divided between the friends and her tea.</p>
<p>"Sort of," Mia said, not wanting to reveal more of his insecurities than he would want her to."It was a big decision!He was worried that maybe he didn't give it enough thought."</p>
<p>"I thought a ton," Ingrid said."I still don't know."</p>
<p>"Exactly," Mia said.</p>
<p>Hilda nodded."She's right.And if the relationship didn't feel right, then it's better to end it sooner, before things start to go really wrong, or you start making plans."</p>
<p>Something about the way Hilda had said it reminded Mia of the plans Ingrid had told her about--the ones she'd made as a child about herself and Glenn.There was something there, something important, but Mia couldn't piece it together.</p>
<p>"I guess.Maybe it'll be okay," Ingrid said.</p>
<p>Everyone clamoured to tell her that of course it would, because Ingrid was tough and adaptable and they were all there for her.Mercedes disappeared back into the kitchen and the clinking of a spoon could be heard.Mia got a spool of wire out and asked if anyone wanted to see a specific colour ring.</p>
<p>"A happy one," Annette declared."Like a snowdrop!"</p>
<p>"Oh, that's cute," Mia said."I'll add some icy blue?"She didn't really love just using white and clear beads.Colour was where it was at.</p>
<p>"Green, for the leaves," Annette said."Maybe a little light yellow."</p>
<p>"That sounds delicate.Make it in size nine," Hilda suggested."Maybe I'll buy it."</p>
<p>Annette waggled her finger."Ingrid gets first dibs."</p>
<p>"I don't need a ring," Ingrid said."I'm not going out on anymore dates."</p>
<p>"It's not for a date," Mia said.</p>
<p>Annette agreed."Right!Wear it for girls' night!Which we're doing once a month from now on.I've just decided."</p>
<p>"First Sunday of the month?" Leonie asked.</p>
<p>"Make it the second Saturday," Hilda protested."I can't always do Sunday."</p>
<p>"You're all going to need so many more rings and stuff," Mia said, laughing.</p>
<p>Mercedes giggled from the kitchen."Oh, of course.And we should meet up twice a month, shouldn't we?"</p>
<p>"Mia's like, 'cha-ching!'" Hilda laughed."Wait, I sell jewellery, too.Let's make it a weekly thing."</p>
<p>Mia snipped her base wires and wrapped them around her mandrel.She had made a note of everyone's ring size, but that was mixed in with other papers and she hadn't seen it in a few months.Mia tried to remember what Ingrid's size was, since she'd made one specifically for her before, and began with 8.5 on her mandrel.</p>
<p>"It should go down a full size once it's finished," Mia said, for Hilda. </p>
<p>"Oh, duh, that's what I forgot from the first time," Hilda said."I tried but ended up with a pinky ring.I want to do one with a resin cab, since usually for those I use a solid base rather than a wrapped one.It's hard to match the wire sometimes if you're making a set."</p>
<p>"I don't even know how you'd get a cab to lay flat, but it sounds like it would be gorgeous," Mia said.</p>
<p>Mercedes brought a steaming mug of tea in and bent to press it into Ingrid's hands."There you are!Made with love."</p>
<p>Ingrid held onto it for a short moment, closing her eyes and inhaling the steam.And then her lips trembled."You didn't need to--"</p>
<p>"We all want to help you feel better," Mercedes said.</p>
<p>Mia couldn't see, as Mercedes moved in front of Ingrid to steady her mug and offer a one-armed hug, but Ingrid sniffled.</p>
<p>"I don't deserve any of you." Ingrid's voice was quiet, and high-pitched with the effort of not crying.</p>
<p>"Shh, of course you do.You deserve the best."</p>
<p>Ingrid said something incoherent, and Mercedes continued to soothe her.Leonie looked incredibly relieved that the other woman was there.Mia was, too.</p>
<p>After a little while, Mercedes pulled back, and Ingrid wiped her eyes, sniffling."Thank you," she said."All of you.Sorry for being such a mess."</p>
<p>There was a chorus as everyone said some variant of "There's nothing to be sorry for", and Ingrid mustered a smile.She sipped her tea and asked Annette if she'd found anything she wanted to watch.</p>
<p>Annette startled."Ooh, maybe.Maybe you don't want to watch it--but I so want to watch <em>Spy</em>."</p>
<p>"I never saw that in there," Hilda accused.</p>
<p>"Oh my God," Ingrid said."Why not?"</p>
<p>Annette pulled a section of five dvd's from the shelf to demonstrate for Hilda."There's more in behind."</p>
<p>"Why would you <em>do that</em>?" Hilda yelled at Leonie.</p>
<p>"Oh, yeah, I put the newer stuff in the back, in case of thieves," Leonie explained.</p>
<p>"No one's going to steal <em>Spy</em>," Hilda groaned."You really want to watch that?"</p>
<p>Ingrid seemed to think."Yeah.It's stupid and funny, let's watch it."</p>
<p>Annette cheered and pressed the button to open the dvd player.Mia nudged Hilda with her elbow to get her attention, as she reached the step in the process where the end wires of the newly-formed ring were wrapped around the top, keeping it in shape.</p>
<p>"That works?It doesn't stretch out any?" Hilda asked.</p>
<p>"Sometimes it springs a bit, you've got to snug it on the mandrel in that case.Other than that, it stays the same size after this point."</p>
<p>The movie began to play, and Mercedes sat down in another chair with a tea of her own and a muffin.Annette left the floor and took her spot on the couch beside Hilda, controlling the remote despite Leonie reaching her hand for it.</p>
<p>Mia cut a second, finer wire to wrap around the base, and set to work.Hilda divided her attention between Mia's crafting, the movie, and asking everyone how things were going.She was just teaming up with Mercedes, arguing with Annette that she needed to rest every now and then, when Mia finished her wire wrapping.The next step were the beads, which Mia would have to balance somehow on the cluttered coffee table.She set her things aside for the time being and got up to get what she needed from the case left in the kitchen.</p>
<p>While searching for a small dish on which she could sort beads, Ingrid came into the room.She rinsed her cup and leaned on the counter, watching Mia.</p>
<p>"I was thinking," Ingrid said.</p>
<p>Mia had been, too, about what Hilda had said about plans, and what Ingrid herself had said.</p>
<p>"You said maybe what I want has changed.What did you mean?"</p>
<p>Mia shrugged."You said before you were dating him that you wanted a hero--a relationship that would fix everything.And I know you weren't looking for that in Ferdinand, you said something about just <em>liking</em> him, and I don't know.You can still like him but not want to be in a romantic relationship, right?"</p>
<p>Ingrid tapped her lips.She nodded."I kind of still was thinking about Glenn.All this time.I could see how Ferdinand was what I wanted when I was younger.But I don't want to ask him to swoop in and save me or anything.I told him I felt like I wasn't ready, and he was really understanding.But I think, maybe I am--and I just needed this to see what it is I'm ready for."</p>
<p>It was a difficult sentence for Mia to follow, but she nodded."And that's what you concluded, when you made your decision, isn't it?"</p>
<p>"Yes.I just--the way his face kind of fell when I told him--I keep thinking 'what if we <em>were</em> meant to be?'"</p>
<p>"If that's real, then you'd find your way back to each other," Mia said."And you'd both understand about the other needing time away.And if 'meant to be' isn't real, then it's silly to stick around in the hopes that it is."</p>
<p>Ingrid inhaled, and nodded."I guess so."</p>
<p>"And we're all on your side," Mia added.</p>
<p>"Thanks." Ingrid looked up."What are you trying to find?"</p>
<p>"Oh!A dish for beads."</p>
<p>Ingrid reached under the counter and withdrew a small glass bowl, big enough for just a handful of peanuts."This good?"</p>
<p>"Perfect," Mia said."And--thanks for including me in your group.I'm happy to be friends with you."</p>
<p>"Oh," Ingrid said."You, too."She stepped a little closer, and the two of them shared a hug."Thanks so much."</p>
<p>They returned to the tv room, all of them talking over most of the movie, except for the moments Annette or Leonie shushed them to hear their favourite lines.  By the end, Mia had made a twinkling snowdrop ring in exactly Ingrid's size, and Melissa McCarthy's character had turned down a date with Jude Law in favour of spending more time with her best friend.  </p>
<p>Not long after that, Marianne arrived and said from the door to the tv room, softly, that both the mare and foal were healthy and happy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>my outline called for a "mia socializing chapter" and this is what i came up with skskdjghjkdshg sorry Ingrid! happy birthday tho i updated on time</p>
<p>i have titles for the next 6 chapters which for me is half the battle! this one is from 'Rhythm of Your Heart' by Marianas Trench. </p>
<p>i saw 'Spy' once and it's what i've based Annette's sense of humour and her profanity on</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0059"><h2>59. at anytime an invitation you can't decline</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This chapter's got a little bit of everything!!!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mia was still somewhat baffled by Ingrid's decision when she left for home with a few more dollars in her pocket from a custom ring for Hilda and a bracelet for Annette.At least her friend seemed less withdrawn in her sadness than when Mia had arrived at the house.With Ingrid talking and smiling sadly, Leonie seemed more able to deal with the situation, too--or perhaps Marianne's presence was enough to give her some confidence in emotional matters.</p>
<p>Whatever it was, Mia felt like it had been a productive afternoon and, she learned when she turned on the truck's engine, evening.No wonder she felt so tired. </p>
<p>There wouldn't be much time to slow down, either.Mia had lots to do during the week, and the following Sunday was apparently Sylvain's birthday.Everyone was invited to celebrate up North--at the Fortress, of course.<span class="Apple-converted-space">  The plan was that </span>Mia and Felix would drive up together, early.  She would stay with her grandmother at their cottage while Felix supervised Sylvain's party preparations. </p>
<p>All of this, and Ingrid had not yet confirmed when or whether she planned on telling her closest friends about her breakup.Mia hoped she wouldn't have to lie, and was in this case grateful that her main source of communication with Felix was over text chat.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, he wanted her to visit in person that week, because they were nearby now.Mia couldn't think of a reason to turn down the request--not that she tried very hard.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Monday morning, back at home, Felix fed the cats and then walked through each of his rooms.He was going to have to paint some of them, because the beige of most of the house looked dirty and old compared to the crisp white and grey he was accustomed to.He was going to have to decide what to change them to.A note went into his phone, reminding him to visit the hardware store.</p>
<p>He added to it throughout the morning, and entertained the cats until they decided to play by themselves, chasing a ball from the kitchen back to the front room.</p>
<p>The restlessness he was growing accustomed to began to take hold again.Felix looked out at the yard from the kitchen window.The sky was overcast, looking like it might rain any minute.The little garland of copper swords framed the scene.</p>
<p>Felix made his way to the nursery/armoury, and looked around the room.Ashe had been right, pastel blue was wrong for what he had in mind.He'd need something dark and elegant, and made a note to pick out a paint colour in dark blue or teal or grey or something.Then, he opened the nearest box of swords, to begin the process of sorting them by use, time period, and personal preference.</p>
<p>He got quite carried away by it, breaking only for a late lunch close to two.After a little more organization, he picked out his favourite blade and went to the backyard to slowly care for it.</p>
<p>The sword was in fine condition, but there was something soothing about polishing the blade and honing the edge, running his fingers along the smooth metal and then the leather of the grip.The air was blissfully cool after the last hot weekends, and smelled humid and grassy.Birds still sang in a spring cacophony.Robins bounced across his lawn and vigorously yanked worms from the ground.</p>
<p>It was easy to lose track of time, but Felix was grateful for it.He stood and went to the middle of the grass, and began running through his usual training routine.</p>
<p>Like always, he began slow and careful, and the private feeling he'd been living in since coming outside only continued as he tuned out the world and went through his steps and swings.A thrust, a pivot, a slow turn.Felix breathed deeply, expanding his lungs and inhaling the sweet grey air.</p>
<p>Other sounds came through--people loudly talking as they strolled along the street, the shriek of a school bus' breaks, a dog barking a few streets over.It was easy to acknowledge them and then put them aside for the immediate sensation of adjusting his grip on his weapon, or the way the grass felt underfoot.</p>
<p>Felix turned again, swinging his blade in a wide arc--</p>
<p>He froze, stopping his sword before it could hit the young man suddenly standing right in his way.Felix bit back a curse when he recognized that the boy was just out of range of the tip of his sword, but he narrowed his eyes anyway.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" the neighbour boy asked.</p>
<p>Felix's lip twitched."You.Never come this close to me while I'm holding a blade again."</p>
<p>"It's fine.What are you doing?Are you like, an assassin or something?"</p>
<p>What was it with people--Felix let his blade drop and growled."Do <em>not</em> come near me when I'm training.This is a real blade."</p>
<p>"Okay, I get it," the boy--brat--<em>Ephraim</em>, Felix managed to drag the name from the depths of his memory--said, holding his hands up.</p>
<p>Suspicious, Felix raised his chin."Good."</p>
<p>There was an awkward pause.The boy kept on staring at Felix, right at his face, like there wasn't anything uncomfortable or rude or awful about direct eye contact.</p>
<p>"So you're training with a sword because," Ephraim trailed off.</p>
<p>Felix used the opportunity to look down at the weapon in his hand."I like to."</p>
<p>"You know, I bet a long weapon like a spear or something'd be better than a sword.If I had a big stick with a knife on it I could just stab you from here," Ephraim mused.</p>
<p>Felix clicked his teeth together."It would depend on the sword, and the skill of the fighters.This isn't a video game, all polearms aren't magically going to have an advantage over swords."</p>
<p>"Well, kind of," Ephraim said. </p>
<p>"Will you leave me alone?" Felix snapped."I'm busy."</p>
<p>"Can you teach me?"</p>
<p>"No," Felix said.</p>
<p>Ephraim snorted."Makes sense."</p>
<p>"I <em>could</em>," Felix snapped."I won't."</p>
<p>"You don't seem like you'd be a very good teacher, that's all," Ephraim said.</p>
<p>"You don't seem like you'd be a very good student," Felix retorted.</p>
<p>"Is that so?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Prove it," Ephraim said.</p>
<p>Felix glared at him, and the teen stared back, just as stubbornly.Breaking eye contact first, Felix stormed past him to the house.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Mia scattered some beads loose on the covered surface of her desk, then tried to arrange them a little more artfully.She needed to shake things up a little, so she took a break to rummage under her bed for some fake flowers.None were the right colour, but there was a branch of fake greenery that would work.Separating it from the rest of the bunch, Mia laid it along the side, then the bottom, of the frame she was trying to make.</p>
<p>A single ring was placed in the middle, bright pink with little peridot beads to make it look springy and sweet.Mia moved the branch to the upper corner.Better.</p>
<p>This one wasn't as nice as the one she'd made for Ingrid, but perhaps it was just personal taste.This ring had a lot of pink--it would stand out against anything Mia wore and scream 'pink'. </p>
<p>Mia wondered how Ingrid was doing, and how much back and forth-ing had been done since the girls had all left.She wondered at making such a big decision based on uncertainty.Mia zoomed the camera in, and then back out, trying to get the picture on the display to look crisp.</p>
<p>Ingrid had said that she didn't want to ask Ferdinand to rescue her.What Ingrid wanted, and her long-term plans, had changed enough that she didn't think the relationship was worth pursuing.As someone with a habit of avoiding thoughts of the future, Mia could hardly understand.</p>
<p>She snapped a picture of the ring, then turned the piece to show off the wire-wrapped band properly.Another photo.</p>
<p>Mia supposed that she should not want to be rescued, either.It was important that she find a way to be independent and strong and capable and everything.And though she was doing a lot better now than she had even last year, with her jewellery sales, Mia knew she could only do so because she was living with her parents.</p>
<p>Would making plans for the future that included Felix be like asking for rescue?Was there something inherently wrong with that?Mia liked Felix, the way that he smiled and the way that he encouraged her writing even after the rivalry of November had ended.She was editing her work seriously, partly because of him, and partly because she really loved her story.But even that had been influenced by him, becoming something more pointed and clear than it had been.</p>
<p>Something else became clear to Mia, as she plucked her ring from its backdrop and rested the next one in its place.This one would look nice with yellow flowers in the background, so she swapped out the greenery for three stems of fake buttercups.</p>
<p>Mia would be wrong to hinge all her plans on Felix.If his own wishes changed, or something went wrong, Mia needed to be able to continue moving forward for herself.She didn't have to try to fit some ideal that was 'worthy' of the future, she just had to know who she was.Mia's story had been changed by Felix, but it would have gone forward without him.It still would, if it needed to.Mia would still make her jewellery, and she would still be collecting resources for getting published.There was nothing for her to be afraid of. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Felix stormed out the backdoor with two wooden swords in his hand.Surprisingly, the neighbour boy was still in the yard, one hand in his pocket while he looked at his phone.At the sound of Felix slamming the door, though, he looked up.</p>
<p>"You're still here?" Felix demanded.</p>
<p>"Obviously?I thought <em>you</em> might not come back."</p>
<p>Felix just growled and pushed one wooden sword towards the boy, who slipped his phone into his shorts pocket and accepted it.His eyes had lit up like a kid's, and why not?These weren't cheap toy swords, they looked <em>good</em>.</p>
<p>Grinning, the brat--Ephraim--looked up at Felix."So we're having a duel?"</p>
<p>"No.If I killed you I'd have to move away and I just unpacked."</p>
<p>"No need to be so dramatic," Ephraim said, holding the sword wrong in front of him."So what comes first?Vertical slashes?Stabs?"</p>
<p>"Stand over there."Felix pointed to a spot near the back of the yard, near the shed.</p>
<p>"And?"</p>
<p>"Just stand there.Posture first."</p>
<p>Ephraim groaned, but went to stand where Felix directed and wait for further instruction.Felix rolled his eyes and used the point of his wooden sword to indicate where Ephraim's stance needed work. </p>
<p>"Good.Don't move."</p>
<p>"For how long?" Ephraim asked.</p>
<p>Felix was already walking away, to the middle of the yard."Until I say so.Try not to move your mouth, either."</p>
<p>When Felix looked back, Ephraim was holding his position with a determined look in his face.Of course, Felix had been goaded into teaching a brat who was just as stubbornly competitive as he was.Just great.</p>
<p>After a few drills of his own, Felix returned to find Ephraim still standing as instructed.He gave him a new task that did not involve the sword in his hand--taking a single step forward, and then back.</p>
<p>"This is stupid," the boy said.</p>
<p>"Are you quitting?"</p>
<p>"Not until I'm better than you."</p>
<p>Felix blinked, and looked away across the other neighbours' yards."So I'm stuck with you forever."</p>
<p>"Guess so!"</p>
<p>"I hope your muscles are sore tomorrow morning."Felix was just returning to his previous position when the other teen from next door approached.Thankfully, she went to pick on her brother--twin.</p>
<p>Felix moved slowly, listening in.He had been smart to change to a wooden sword.If children were going to be running around his yard he felt much better without a metal blade in his hand.</p>
<p>"What are you even doing?" she asked.</p>
<p>"Shut up.I'm learning the blade."</p>
<p>"For real?"</p>
<p>"Yes, and I'm not supposed to talk."</p>
<p>"This is great.Can I learn, too?"</p>
<p>Felix, in the middle of the lawn, groaned."No."</p>
<p>The girl--Eirika, Felix reminded himself, he had to get better at remembering names--rounded on him."Why?Because I'm a girl?"</p>
<p>"What?Because--"</p>
<p>Ephraim snorted."Are you a <em>sexist</em>, Felix?"</p>
<p>"No, I don't even want to teach one brat, let alone two," Felix groaned.</p>
<p>"It's okay, I'll teach you everything I learn," Ephraim said to his sister.</p>
<p>"No, you'll do it wrong," Felix said. </p>
<p>"So you'll teach me?" Eirika said.</p>
<p>"No!"Felix growled, and ran his hand through his hair, messing up the ponytail.He tried to tighten it one-handed, then pushed the hair that had fallen free away from his face."God.Fine.Here.Stand.Enjoy yourself."</p>
<p>He held the sword in his hand out and Eirika skipped forward to pluck it away."Eugh, it's all sweaty."</p>
<p>"Because I was training.Real training," Felix said.He ushered her to stand next to her twin and gave her the same instruction.She wore the exact same dogged expression as her brother while she got into position."Don't you two have homework or something?"</p>
<p>"I do mine on the bus," Eirika said.</p>
<p>Ephraim rolled his eyes."<em>I do mine on the bus</em>," he mocked.</p>
<p>"No swords if you won't do your homework," Felix spat.</p>
<p>"I do mine later," Ephraim said."I'm not wasting the daylight doing homework."</p>
<p>"He procrastinates everything to the last minute," Eirika ratted.Ephraim shot her a glare.</p>
<p>Felix concealed a smirk behind his hand."Part of learning the blade is learning to control your mind.It's called 'discipline'."</p>
<p>"Whatever, it gets done."</p>
<p>"Sometimes," Eirika muttered.</p>
<p>"This is important.I'm not teaching you swordplay if you aren't taking your actual education seriously," Felix said.</p>
<p>Ephraim made a face.Felix had his doubts whether the boy would even come back for a second lesson, but when he thought back on that determined set to his jaw, the possibility was real that Ephraim really did want to learn.</p>
<p>"I'll start my essay right when I get in," Ephraim said, gloomy.</p>
<p>Felix nodded once, sharp."Then let's move on."</p>
<p>He taught them steps for another half hour, then told them they were done--not just because of the time, but also thanks to the intermittent raindrops landing on Felix's head, making him wince.</p>
<p>"Thanks for teaching us!" Eirika chirped."You're just like Obi-Wan!"</p>
<p>Felix accepted his training swords from them, the corner of his mouth lifting up.</p>
<p>"Yeah, you don't have a single fuck growing in your field," Ephraim said.</p>
<p>Felix had to turn away and do his best to disguise his laugh as a cough.Eirika gasped and told her brother he was rude, and Felix waved his hand at them to just go away.With both practice swords under his arm, he crossed the yard without looking back.After resting the weapons just inside the doorway, he took off his shoes and lay flat on his back on the couch. </p>
<p>Estoc jumped up onto his chest, complaining about the new living conditions and the lack of customer service.Absently, Felix rubbed her large ears.</p>
<p>"What the Hell," he breathed."What the Hell..."</p>
<p>Hopefully, this was a one-time thing.When moving out here, he had not planned on taking on a student.This was worse.It was two students, both teens.Felix couldn't believe he'd been so easily bullied into wasting his afternoon.</p>
<p>Then again, if they really <em>were</em> interested--</p>
<p>Felix pulled himself up to a sitting position so that he could rest his forehead against Estoc's.She purred, kneading at his chest.</p>
<p>"Gonna have to call Lon'qu, too," Felix murmured to Estoc.He thought about duelling in his own backyard, and then about having an audience.Was that good, or bad?</p>
<p>A knock came from Felix's side door.Sitting up, he listened for whoever it was to go away.Another knock sounded.</p>
<p>Groaning, Felix set Estoc on the cushion beside him and stood, feet sliding on the bare floor and forcing him to slow.Not that he was complaining.If whoever his visitor was decided to give up, far be it from Felix to complain.</p>
<p>With a yank on the door, Felix's next door neighbour--the father of the twins--was revealed.</p>
<p>Biting back a sharp 'What', Felix said, "Hello?"</p>
<p>The neighbour smiled."Hello, Felix!It's Fado."</p>
<p>So the concentration as Felix tried to remember the man's name had been writ all over his face."I know.What is it?I--what can I help you with?"</p>
<p>"My kids were very excited to tell me that they were getting lessons in fencing," Fado said, stifling a laugh."From you."</p>
<p>"Ah.Is that a problem?" Felix asked, hopeful.</p>
<p>"Not unless they were a bother to you.I know they can be--" Fado paused, searching for the right word.</p>
<p>"Pushy?" Felix offered.</p>
<p>"Well," Fado said, sheepish."Together they can be very convincing.I hope they didn't cause you too much trouble?"</p>
<p>Felix hissed a breath through his teeth."As long as they understand not to walk right up to me while I'm swinging a blade."</p>
<p>"Ha," Fado said, a little anxiously."I should hope they understand.So how long have you been interested in fencing?Is it an exercise thing, do you enter competitions," Fado trailed off.</p>
<p>Leaning on the doorframe, Felix looked past Fado to the grey sky."I've been interested in blades since childhood.I fenced competitively through school and now it's more of a personal hobby.I have an internet channel for it.Your--kids have probably sniffed it out by now."Felix bit his tongue, silently chiding himself for nearly calling them brats in front of their father.</p>
<p>"Oh?I'm sure they have, they're very tech-savvy.Well, if--" Fado paused, as Felix bent to scoop up Estoc from between his ankles.She sniffed the damp outside air.Felix stood back and offered to let Fado inside. </p>
<p>"I won't take too much more of your time, I promise," Fado said, standing at the bottom of the stairs leading inside as Felix stopped on the middle step, still holding Estoc."That's a beautiful cat.What's his name?"</p>
<p>Felix felt the bridge of his nose warm up."Estoc.She's--from a breeder in Kingston.Spinach Puff is around here somewhere--he's my other cat."</p>
<p>"Oh, I think he's the one I've seen in your front window?"</p>
<p>Felix nodded.</p>
<p>"As I was saying, if it's too much trouble for you to teach them, or they were rude--I know Ephraim can be direct," Fado said.</p>
<p>"It's fine.They weren't a problem," Felix said."I'm sure they'll get bored, anyway."</p>
<p>Fado's laugh was high and nervous."I'm less sure.They can both be single-minded.I don't mind them learning, especially if it can give Eirika some knowledge of self-defence.But I would hate if they made it seem like you had no other option.If they really want to learn, I can find a class somewhere to sign them up for."</p>
<p>Felix hadn't considered self-defence."If you wanted, I could teach them some hand-to-hand combat.If they really want to learn, it's not a waste of time."</p>
<p>"Still, I'm sure you have other things to do," Fado said.</p>
<p>"I'm on leave.And I'm usually less busy over the summer, anyway.It's fine with me."Felix almost couldn't believe what he was saying, but there had been something satisfying about having his instructions followed and seeing the excitement in the twins' eyes when they saw the swords.They were not so different from himself.</p>
<p>"You would teach them?That's--thank you, Felix.I know neither of them would have thought to ask, but what would the fee be to take a class like what you'd be teaching them?I can't let you do it for nothing."</p>
<p>Felix momentarily hid his face in Estoc's fur."I don't care.If the--if Ephraim keeps taking care of my grass that's all I need."</p>
<p>"Are you sure?" Fado gasped.</p>
<p>Shrugging, Felix amended, "but if they try to bring friends along and I end up with more than two students, that changes.F--I don't know if it's even legal to run a class like this."</p>
<p>Fado laughed."I'm sure I could find out, but it won't come to that."</p>
<p>Felix raised an eyebrow."Well, if they take it seriously I don't mind.Sorry if it was a whole thing--I didn't expect anyone to notice me training this afternoon."Maybe there was something to be said for having fences.</p>
<p>"It's fine, I just don't want my children imposing on you.You're sure you don't want any compensation?"</p>
<p>"Don't worry about it."</p>
<p>"That's very generous of you," Fado said."Thank you.How have you been finding the neighbourhood, by the way?"</p>
<p>"I haven't run into anyone, but it's nice here," Felix said."Different from the city, but I can't complain."</p>
<p>"Good.Well, thank you, again, and if there's anything you need, just ask."</p>
<p>"Sure," Felix said, still holding Estoc as Fado opened the storm door."Thanks for coming by."</p>
<p>"Yes, thank you for doing this.And being so patient with them.I'll see you around, then, neighbour," Fado said.</p>
<p>"Yeah.See you," Felix replied. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Mia was faced with a cryptic message when she opened her chat with Felix that evening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> i have made a mistake</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not sure if he was even online, Mia asked him what was wrong, and immediately the message indicating that her boyfriend was typing appeared at the bottom of the screen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> got swrd out td wch ws gd</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> fnly relaxed 4 chg BUT failed 2 ntce neghbour snk up n me</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> t demand lessons</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> oh no</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> got tricked into teaching him and then</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> this is lawn boy?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> the sister shows up and cals me sexist</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> y lwn boy and twin ganged up on me</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> so apenrtly i m sword instructor n</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> they're kids, you're an adult, tell them to get lost?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> t r so srs about it</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> jst as comptv/stbbrn as me</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> they called me obi wan</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ridiculous</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> cute! u are like obi wan</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> f</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> f</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> pls do not become one with the froce</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> shit t are twins</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> an unfortunate coincidence</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> thn lwn dad kncks n door 2 try paying me</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> bc girl nds self defence lssn</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> whch ya</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> would b useful</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> s h says hell fnd a class smwhr if i m n intrst n tch</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> idiot m says id teach thm</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> was it a case of not wanting to say no?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> myb?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> also knd f w 2 tch t? t d n comlain ab methd?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia stared at her screen, having reached the point of losing the ability to transcribe his shorthand into actual words.She was trying also not to laugh too hard out loud, because though she hadn't met Felix's neighbours, she could just imagine a pair of teens--looking in her mind like Luke and Leia--surrounding Felix and pestering him into teaching them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> slow down a bit</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> sorry</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> maybe want to teach them</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> they didnt complain abt me as tchr</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> if t r srs i will continue</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> and if they joke around or are irredeemably bad?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> then i win bet wi lwn boy that he is a bad student</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> and lwn dad cn fnd class smwhr else</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Giggling about lawn boy and his lawn family, Mia told Felix she was glad for him, and that she hoped he dropped them as students if they ever stressed him out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> thnks</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> cant wait t c u wed</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> me 2</p>
<hr/>
<p>Mia spent the next morning working on her novel, and chatting with Ashe and Bernadetta about the new Tortall book that had just been announced for release in October.They speculated on what it would be like and discussed their favourite stories from the series.</p>
<p>When Felix was online, he gave no sign that Ingrid had told him about her and Ferdinand's breakup.Instead, Felix talked about a trip to the hardware store and shared a picture of a handful of paint chips in what seemed to be about twenty shades of slate grey. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> you're about 30 shades away from a certain book series</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> i dnt kno what that means</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> bless you</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> &gt;:</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> unbless me rn</p>
<p><b>Mia:</b> so...damn you?</p>
<p><b>Felix:</b> ty</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the afternoon, Mia began tweaking and then uploading photos to her online shop, a tedious task even without having to fill in the rest of the listing information.It would pay off, literally, but Mia still hated it.</p>
<p>She could hardly wait to take a break and visit Felix the next day. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Wednesday morning was once again overcast and cool, for which Felix was grateful.He fed his cats and brushed their fur, rewarding them each with a treat when all was said and done.Toenails were next--a complete spa day.Spinach Puff wrestled the brush while Felix carefully saw to Estoc's claws.</p>
<p>"What are you doing," Felix said."The brush is your friend.Leave it alone."</p>
<p>Spinach Puff did not heed him, and Felix did not try any harder to stop the cat.When both were sufficiently pampered, Felix set Spinach Puff on the windowsill so that they could both wait for Mia--the latter staring outside in fascination, the former reading a very used copy of <em>Fire and Hemlock</em> that Ashe had lent him. </p>
<p>The Cecile family pick-up rolled onto the street just after eleven, making Spinach Puff's tail swing and Felix stuff a bookmark between the pages without bothering to finish the sentence he was in the middle of.</p>
<p>Normally Felix hated the idea of looking enthusiastic or eager about anything, but it had made Mia smile the last time she visited.Felix got his shoes on and made his way outside by the time she had pulled into his driveway.</p>
<p>As he had hoped, Mia grinned wide when she saw him.Hopping out of the truck, she closed her door and met Felix in a hug.</p>
<p>"Excited to see me, much?" Felix asked, unable to resist teasing her the same way she had done the week before.</p>
<p>"Yes," Mia said, quickly, shamelessly."I've been at NaNo levels of work the last two days for absolutely no reason."</p>
<p>"Your store photography session," Felix said, thinking it would be nice to sit outside but expecting Mia would like to see the cats, first.He backed up a couple steps, Mia coming with him, and opened the door so that they could enter.</p>
<p>Mia hummed."Yeah, I had a ton of stuff made but not photographed, so there was a huge backlog and I wanted to just get it all <em>done</em>."</p>
<p>"Did you?" Felix asked as the two of them got their shoes off.</p>
<p>"Yes.And listed.Ugh, I dreamt about filling in the online form.I'm ready for a break."</p>
<p>Laughing, Felix took her hand and led her into the front room.Mia followed with a roll of her shoulders.</p>
<p>Spinach Puff chirped when he saw her and came to greet them.On the couch, Estoc yawned.Felix sat down, bringing her onto his lap, while Mia crouched to stroke Spinach Puff.She picked the fluffy cat up, but as soon as she had sat down, he leapt from the seat she offered to return to the window.</p>
<p>"Sorry, his show is on," Felix said. </p>
<p>Mia leaned against the couch, tilting her head back against the top edge."Oh?What's it called?"</p>
<p>"Old Guy and Sweater Dog," Felix said."I think it must be one of those retired rescue greyhounds or whatever.Sometimes he puts a little hat on it."</p>
<p>"Cute!But I don't think I've heard of that show," Mia said, smiling.</p>
<p>Felix laughed."It's surprisingly deep--the current arc is all about the fat squirrel across the street."</p>
<p>"Sounds intriguing."</p>
<p>"I missed it the last two days.You were right about getting my swords out," Felix said."I knew it already, but it helped to hear."</p>
<p>"So you're settling in?What about the cats?"</p>
<p>Felix leaned back, too, feeling Mia's eyes on him.He looked out the window."Starting to.All of us.Estoc's still not impressed."</p>
<p>"Too bad," Mia said, reaching to rub the fur of the diva in question.</p>
<p>"I need your opinion," Felix said.He sat up straight, and felt for his stack of paint chips on the side table.Leaning forward, he fanned them out on the coffee table for Mia to admire."Which is the best one?"</p>
<p>Mia bent to get a better look, and groaned.</p>
<p>"All right?"</p>
<p>She shrugged."I spent too much time crunched into a pretzel at my desk."</p>
<p>"You're getting old," Felix said.</p>
<p>"I'm in pain," Mia told him."Oh, thank God, some of these are more blue than they looked in your picture."</p>
<p>"Where?"</p>
<p>"The picture you sent me?Of your fifty grey paint shades?"</p>
<p>"No, where does your back hurt?"</p>
<p>Mia stared."The spine?Mid to upper?"</p>
<p>"You should take breaks to stretch," Felix said.One hand left Estoc, to hover behind Mia.He cleared his throat, and Mia looked at him.</p>
<p>Seeing his outstretched arm, she flushed."Are--" she giggled, "Help me, Obi Wan, you're my only hope!"</p>
<p>Felix snorted, but spread his fingers and began gently rubbing up and down Mia's back.He could feel the bump of her spine--and the lump that was her bra--beneath her t-shirt.Swallowing, Felix persisted, giving a little more pressure.</p>
<p>"I don't really know what I'm doing," he confessed.</p>
<p>Mia leaned backwards, slightly, into his touch."I can't tell if it's helping," she said."But--I like it," she added in a whisper.</p>
<p>Wordlessly, Felix continued more or less exploring the feeling of Mia's back, the way her skin moved beneath her shirt and his hand, the warmth coming from her body.It was not qualified to be labelled a massage, but Mia sighed, very softly, and leaned forward again to look at Felix's paint choices.Felix's mind went unbidden to the question of what Mia's skin might feel like without the barrier of clothing, and whether freckles such as the ones adorning the back of her hands could be found in the places his palm was currently smoothing across.</p>
<p>"You haven't sorted them at all?" Mia turned her face to look at Felix, and went pink when she realized he was not paying the paint chips any attention.He coughed into his free hand, and looked away.</p>
<p>"No, how would you sort them?"</p>
<p>Mia shifted a bit, making Felix even more conscious of the fact that she was another person, a body separate from himself."I'd put the greyest ones here, and the blue-blue ones together, and the blue-green ones here."</p>
<p>"Did I pick good colours?"</p>
<p>"It's grey, Felix," Mia said.</p>
<p>"What should I have picked?"</p>
<p>Mia tilted her head."The colour you want to see.The one you like best and can imagine all your swords in."</p>
<p>The corner of Felix's mouth tugged to the side.He watched Mia arrange the paint chips into the categories she had described, and he had to agreed that the most grey tiles were the least interesting.</p>
<p>"So you can hold them up to your swords or the racks or whatever has the most colour," Mia said, pausing when Felix's hand stopped moving, and resuming when he did, "and the one that makes the colour you like stand out most is the one that you take."</p>
<p>"So the grey with the steel blades would be," Felix trailed off.</p>
<p>"Maybe a little cold?Again, it's better to look at it.You can paint a swatch on something and then see how the light from the window dances across it at different times," Mia suggested, with the tone that implied she was quoting something, "or you can just choose from this."</p>
<p>"I'm not painting a swatch and all that," Felix said.</p>
<p>Mia laughed."That was from the episode where Lacey and Davis flip a house.<em>Corner Gas</em>?"</p>
<p>"Ah, I should have suspected."</p>
<p>"We're going to marathon it sometime, okay," Mia said.</p>
<p>"That wasn't said as a question," Felix observed.</p>
<p>Mia straightened and leaned back, so Felix withdrew his hand."It wasn't," she said."This is non-negotiable."</p>
<p>"Then I suppose it's a date."</p>
<p>"I suppose so," Mia replied, tilting her face up, a little, almost like a challenge.Her lips were curled into a somewhat mischievous smile.Felix licked his own and then pressed them together. </p>
<p>Mia turned where she sat so that she faced him more directly.Maybe it was silly to overthink whether this was an invitation for him to kiss her, after he'd just had his hand all over her back.In any case, Felix was fine with waiting, smiling back at her as he took in the sight of the freckles that <em>were</em> in view.Mia's eyes were as bright as ever, and Felix had no doubt that she could see everything he was feeling.</p>
<p>He liked that she was here, he liked her, he liked this, he liked the quiet warmth and comfort of the moment.It was all mushy and embarrassing and soft.</p>
<p>Felix said, "I like us."He managed to not break eye contact as he said it.</p>
<p>"Me, too," Mia said, with a flicker of something crossing her gaze.It didn't seem like uncertainty, but there was something.That didn't last long, though, before she rested her wrists on either of Felix's shoulders.When she leaned into him, bringing her face close to his cheek, it disrupted Estoc from Felix's lap. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Felix said, to the cat, but also to Mia if the reason for the fleeting expression had been that he'd said too much, or not enough, or done something wrong.</p>
<p>"My fault, sorry Estoc," Mia said.She sort of hung off Felix's shoulders, which seemed a little uncomfortable for the both of them, until she pulled herself close again and pressed a kiss against Felix's jaw.</p>
<p>The way his spine twisted to face her wasn't that big of a deal.Felix let out a nervous sound at the gentle brush of her lips a second time, the sensation ticklish on his skin. </p>
<p>Mia leaned back a little, smiling.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" Felix asked, thinking that he'd like to help if there were some worry in the back of Mia's mind.</p>
<p>Mia nodded."I was just thinking.Lately.About future plans.And it's kind of scary," Mia said, "but I do like us.As we are now."</p>
<p>"What kind of plans?" Felix asked."Your book?"</p>
<p>"That, and just--everything.I never let myself think ahead because I never knew what I wanted.Now I'm not sure I know how."</p>
<p>Felix could relate to that, in his own way.The most important thing was always to see to what needed to be done immediately.He had started putting aside any consideration for what he might want in the long run. </p>
<p>"And while I have my plans--or maybe just hopes--for my book, and my shop, I wonder if--" Mia exhaled loudly."But then, I'm also just happy that you're closer, so that we can spend more time together like this."</p>
<p>"Call them plans," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Okay," Mia said, ducking her head."Let's look at your paint chips, all right?That's something we can do <em>now</em>."</p>
<p>She stood up, and gathered the three piles she had made of Felix's colour selections.Felix followed suit, getting to his feet.</p>
<p>"Hang on," he said, reaching for her hand."I agree.I think--if there's something one of us wants to do, then we should talk about it and make a plan to.I mean--I've liked the times when I know you'll be with me for something.And this weekend we're going to Sylvain's birthday, but there can be other stuff, even if it's a month or more away."</p>
<p>"Oh.Oh!" Mia said.She stared at, or through, Felix, for a few seconds."That reminds me.Um--I can invite a plus one to Hurst's wedding.I haven't asked yet if you'd want to."</p>
<p>Blinking, Felix said, "Oh."He hadn't really imagined that he would be invited, either due to the guest list having been decided long ago or Mia's participation in the wedding party not giving her room for such a thing.</p>
<p>"I know, it's--"</p>
<p>"I'll go with you," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Really?" Mia had said something about weddings not being her thing, and Felix didn't really care for parties among strangers, himself.He could understand her confusion.</p>
<p>"Yeah.Really."Then he smirked."Someone has to stop you from being rude to the other guests."</p>
<p>Mia cackled."You <em>wouldn't</em>, you'd escalate the fight!"</p>
<p>"So you are planning on being rude?"</p>
<p>"Yes.The rudest.And I can blame it all on you, now," Mia said, pulling Felix away from the couch to do what they had planned and pick out a colour for the armoury.</p>
<hr/>
<p>They ended up agreeing on a colour called 'Quiet Peace', which Mia said was ironic.It was a dark blue, nearly black, and it brought out the red in the rich, stained wood of most of the wall-racks.Mia called it luxurious and old fashioned, and Felix was glad to be able to start painting whenever he was ready.And Mia was right--he did like blue, especially tones that were different from the bright, simple primary colour. </p>
<p>"We should look for a fancy old chandelier," Mia said, standing in the doorway to picture how the room would look completed.</p>
<p>"What for?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>"To look fancy and old?Like you're a baron in some secluded fortress guarded by a pair of lions."</p>
<p>"I wouldn't be a baron," Felix complained."Barons are lame."</p>
<p>"A <em>duke</em>, then, my apologies," Mia said, trying to bow and bumping her elbow on the doorframe in the process.</p>
<p>With the extremely labour-intensive task of choosing a paint colour finished, the pair decided to go for lunch in Ailell.Taking Mia's truck was the easy choice, as it was blocking the driveway, but Felix had to keep from making too obvious of a face at the state of the cab.It was dusty, musty, and messy with receipts, old Ag equipment flyers, and at least half a dozen empty Tim Horton's cups.</p>
<p>"Sorry for how disgusting it gets in here," Mia said, clearing the passenger seat."I hate it too, but I've built up a tolerance.You should see the workshed."</p>
<p>"I really should not," Felix said, crinkling his nose as he slid into the truck."Please."</p>
<p>Mia laughed and started the engine.She sang on the way to the restaurant on Ailell's main street, and then again on the way home.Felix tried to relax while touching as little crusty truck interior as possible.</p>
<p>He still had to wonder if there was more that Mia had not said, about the future and the things that worried her, but he felt that she meant what she had said.Felix was still getting used to the idea that Mia liked him, and found him funny, but he did believe it, now. </p>
<p>His confidence in this only grew when before Felix got out of the truck and Mia returned home, they shared another kiss--Mia's fingers grazing the place on his jaw that her lips had brushed earlier.Her hand was warm and the truck smelled awful but Felix closed his eyes and savoured the moment, and the way both of them were pink-cheeked and sheepish when they broke apart.</p>
<p>"See you this weekend," Mia said, softly.</p>
<p>"You could stop by before then, or I could," Felix suggested. </p>
<p>"Maybe you should do something with Ingrid," Mia offered."You did move closer to her, too."</p>
<p>"You're right," Felix said.He should have reached out a little sooner, offered to go with Ingrid to Sol's.</p>
<p>"But I'm looking forward to the weekend," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix grinned."Is it weird that I'm excited for the drive?"</p>
<p>Mia kissed his cheek."No."She smiled brightly."It's weird that I'm actually looking forward to singing."</p>
<p>"I'm glad that you are."</p>
<p>"Oh, what are you doing about your pupils?" Mia asked."On the weekend?"</p>
<p>Felix shrugged."Seems like an after school thing.I'll tell them tomorrow I'll be busy on the weekend?"</p>
<p>"That's probably good.So on the whole, a good neighbourhood?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>"Yeah.I'm getting a lot more settled.I think it was a good choice after all."</p>
<p>"I'm happy for you," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix was, too.</p>
<p>He was sad to wave her off, but at least he had some plans to make now, with regards to painting and the long process of bracing himself for her brother's wedding.He didn't have to worry about something to wear, but he supposed he was expected to bring a gift.Maybe that would be something he could talk to Ingrid about.</p>
<p>Before Felix turned towards his side door, there was a loud rumble as his other next-door neighbour turned onto the street on her motorcycle.It was a dark machine, all black but with a subtle flame detail on the side.It was at odds with the bright pink and orange striped lesbian flag stuck on the back.As the rider pulled into her driveway, she pointed at Felix as if to stop him from going inside.</p>
<p>Felix wasn't in the mood to make friends with all of his neighbours all at once, but he'd already gone a week and a half without meeting this one.He would have to get it over with sooner or later.</p>
<p>Crossing his front lawn, Felix found her just getting off her bike.She pulled off her helmet to reveal long hair dyed dark green.</p>
<p>"Hey," she said, her voice sharp.Her lips were dark and when she unzipped her leather jacket, Felix could see the edge of a tattoo under the hem of her tank top.She was taller than him, but maybe it was the heels.</p>
<p>"Yeah?" Felix answered.</p>
<p>"You moved in over the long weekend," she said, jerking her thumb at Felix's house.</p>
<p>"Yeah?"</p>
<p>"What's your name?"</p>
<p>"Felix."</p>
<p>The woman nodded."Petrine.I'm not trying to get cozy, just sizing you up."</p>
<p>Felix folded his arms in front of himself."Fine.Nice machine."</p>
<p>"Thanks, you ride?" Petrine asked.Felix shook his head, and Petrine smirked."Spend all your allowance on toy swords?"</p>
<p>Felix bristled.</p>
<p>"I saw you giving the brats two houses down lessons--how'd they rope you into it?"</p>
<p>"A combination of goading and persistence.Do you know something about them?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>Petrine shook her head.She removed her jacket fully to reveal muscular arms covered in more tattoos."I don't care much for gossip.Although I can say that the last family to live in that house was too normal for this street.You're already off to a better start."</p>
<p>"Great," Felix said drily.</p>
<p>"So what's with the swords?"</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes."It's a hobby.I've got a collection."</p>
<p>"All right," Petrine said."I've got a sword, myself."</p>
<p>Now it was a conversation worth being invested in."Oh?What kind?"</p>
<p>"It's from this series I used to like," Petrine said.She gestured for Felix to follow and unlocked her door.</p>
<p>Petrine's house was cluttered, with dark, high-contrast art tacked and taped to the walls.She told Felix to keep his shoes on and clomped across the floors, herself, in her high boots.Above the tv were a number of plaques and fantasy decor, among them a sword with a flame-like blade.Petrine reached up to bring it down, holding it out for Felix to examine.</p>
<p>"Ah, this is nice," Felix said."Is it custom made?"</p>
<p>"Mm, ordered from a shop in Alberta."</p>
<p>"Mind sharing their website?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>Petrine shook her head, taking her sword back and returning it to its place of honour."They closed up two years ago.Was going to splurge and get a lance but it was too late."</p>
<p>"Too bad," Felix said, wondering how he ended up with two neighbours who preferred pole-arms.</p>
<p>"Shit, I should offer you a beer or something," Petrine said, raking her hands through her hair.</p>
<p>Felix shook his head."Thanks, I'm fine."</p>
<p>"I think I've only got enough to last me til the end of the week, anyway."</p>
<p>"I might know a shop that could get you your lance," Felix said."If you still want one."</p>
<p>"Might take you up on that," Petrine said. </p>
<p>"Good," Felix said, nodding once.</p>
<p>Petrine mirrored him and lead them to her side door again.</p>
<p>"Nice meeting you," Felix said, remembering just in time to be polite.</p>
<p>Petrine grinned wolfishly."Sure.Just remember--you need anything, ask someone else."</p>
<p>With a laugh, Felix stepped outside.The sky was heavy and grey again.Felix hoped that things would clear up by the weekend, not so much for the drive, but for Sylvain's birthday.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>okay i can explain why Petrine Path of Radiance is Felix's neighbour. there's a Reason. it's this:<br/>she's hot</p>
<p>no further questions.</p>
<p>but seriously, i hope there was enough in here for you to enjoy, even if you've never played or have no interest in the older games. i don't intend for these characters to start dominating the story, just want to fill out the cast a little with some of my past faves (problematic or otherwise). and making Felix teach swords to a couple of teens is Hilarious to me. Duessel? who's that?</p>
<p>this is now the longest chapter at 7,585 words! could i have broken it into 2 parts? sure! but the title! the title fit with the Whole Thing, and i couldn't come up with a better one for either part. the title, by the way, is from 'Killer Queen' by Queen.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0060"><h2>60. maybe i was killing time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felix hangs out with Ingrid</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Inside Sol's restaurant, Felix sat across from Ingrid, watching her study the menu.She bit her lip and flipped the page, back and forth, from the burger section to the pastas.Frowning, Felix sipped his water.</p>
<p>After several minutes of deliberation, Ingrid noticed him watching.She smiled sheepishly and set the menu down, open to the burgers.Felix glanced away, and then back to her face.</p>
<p>"Is something wrong?" Ingrid asked.</p>
<p>Felix fidgeted."No.You?"</p>
<p>"Of course not," Ingrid said."I'm fine."</p>
<p>"Are you?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>Felix knew she was lying, because she sounded non-committal and airy.Honest Ingrid sounded angry to most people.She was always very insistent when she was telling the truth.He also knew, because it was easy to tell that something was wrong.Normally she would be diving into the menu, eyes agleam at the grainy photos of sandwiches and soups.It wasn't like her to be so indecisive--usually if she couldn't make up her mind, she would just order one of each item.</p>
<p>"How was your day with Mia?" Ingrid asked, her voice thin.</p>
<p>"Fine," Felix said."She helped me pick out a colour for the sword room.We went to lunch."</p>
<p>"Always so descriptive," Ingrid said, finally smiling like herself.</p>
<p>Felix smiled, too.</p>
<p>Stahl appeared, asking if they were ready to order.Felix opened his mouth to answer, but Ingrid said that she needed some more time.Nodding, Stahl said that was great and saw to another table.</p>
<p>"What about your neighbours?" Ingrid asked."Your pupils."</p>
<p>Felix grunted, and gave Ingrid the full story of how they had needled him into giving lessons.</p>
<p>"It's so funny that your neighbours want sword lessons," Ingrid said."I mean, I know they're kids and it makes sense, but that they'd be serious enough to get you to teach them.I can't wait to hear if your other neighbour is as bad."</p>
<p>"She's got a sword, but I don't think she knows how to use one.It's just decorative," Felix explained.There was nothing wrong with decorative swords, or only enjoying them as such.He just knew that he preferred the real thing.</p>
<p>"So you finally met them?What happened?"</p>
<p>Felix explained how he'd met Petrine, who had apparently seen him teaching the neighbour kids and then offered to show him her sword.</p>
<p>Ingrid stared at him.Her mouth was agape."Felix--what did you just say?"</p>
<p>"We were talking about swords, so she invited me in to show me hers."</p>
<p>"Felix, that sounds--"</p>
<p>"I know, I grew up with Sylvain, too," Felix said, irritably."You're supposed to be the mature one."</p>
<p>Ingrid shook her head, holding up her finger, even.Cautiously, Felix stopped talking.Ingrid looked furious, outraged as though Felix had just done something wild and irreparable.He couldn't think what that was.</p>
<p>"A stranger," Ingrid said, her voice shaking a little with the effort of not raising it, "said that she'd show you her sword if you just came inside her house?"</p>
<p>Felix paused, waiting for more.But he was expected to answer, it seemed.Slowly, he said, "Yes?"</p>
<p>Flattening her palms on the table, Ingrid leaned closer to him."What were you thinking?" she hissed."You can't just go into strangers' houses!"</p>
<p>"But she--"</p>
<p>"I don't care!What she lured you with!"Ingrid snapped.</p>
<p>"I wasn't <em>lured</em>," Felix said, crossing his arms.</p>
<p>Ingrid threw her hands up, leaning back and looking angrily out the window."You are so stupid."</p>
<p>"But she's my neighbour," Felix said, still careful, even as he began to understand what Ingrid was saying he had done wrong.</p>
<p>"Neighbour or no, you don't know her!God, Felix, she could've poisoned you or taken advantage of you or--"</p>
<p>"She offered me a beer, and I turned it down, and she was glad that I did," Felix said."I think--"</p>
<p>"No, Felix, you need to think things through better.Get a sense of self-preservation."</p>
<p>"I think I could defend myself if she tried to kill me," Felix grumbled."Which she would do for no reason?"</p>
<p>"People don't always need a reason," Ingrid said, with the tone of someone who had a reason."And you can't be sure!"</p>
<p>"But everything was fine," Felix protested feebly.</p>
<p>Ingrid rolled her eyes."This time," she retorted.</p>
<p>Before she could continue ranting, Stahl approached the table, coughing politely."Hello again!Have you made up your minds or still need a little more time?"</p>
<p>Felix's mouth twitched into an uneasy, grateful smile.He gave his order before Ingrid could stop him, forcing her to make a snap decision and order a burger with a pasta salad and a side of fries.Stahl wrote this down, and then smiled sunnily before leaving them again.</p>
<p>"Felix," Ingrid said, running her hands up and down her face, "didn't your dad ever tell you to be careful about strangers?"</p>
<p>"Of course he did," Felix said, hurt that she thought that he wouldn't have, or that Felix would have forgotten, or that Felix was still a child."But I'm an adult."</p>
<p>"Please be more careful, that's all," Ingrid said."Adults can hurt each other, too."</p>
<p>Felix had to give her that."Fine.I will.I won't invite her into my house until I know her better."</p>
<p>"Good," Ingrid said."But I mean, considering that you're dating Mia, maybe you should just not invite the sword-owning biker woman into your house at all."</p>
<p>"She's gay, Ingrid," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Oh.Still."</p>
<p>"I'll be careful," Felix promised."Anyway, aside from her wanting a link to a shop I doubt she has much interest in being friends."</p>
<p>"Good."</p>
<p>They fell silent for a short time, and Ingrid fell back into that uncertain, unhappy look that she had been wearing since Felix had met up with her.He bit his tongue before asking, again, what was wrong.</p>
<p>"I should ask where you want Ferdinand to sleep, up North," Felix said, realizing that he was in charge of the Fortress and such things, for Sylvain's birthday weekend.</p>
<p>The blood drained from Ingrid's face."He's not coming, don't worry about it."</p>
<p>"Oh.Does he have a competition or a--"</p>
<p>"I broke up with him," Ingrid blurted.Then, she hid her face in her hands.</p>
<p>Felix stared at her.</p>
<p>"It's okay, just tell me I'm stupid.Get it out of your system.I'm ready now."</p>
<p>"What--no--Ingrid, I'm sorry," Felix said, half standing and then sitting back down.He glanced around the restaurant, then back to Ingrid, who looked small and miserable."What happened?If he did something, I swear I'll--"</p>
<p>"No, no," Ingrid said, shaking her head quickly.Her eyes were reddish."Please don't.I just--felt like I wanted the wrong things from this.I felt like I needed to.Ferdinand did nothing wrong, it was all me."</p>
<p>Settling back, Felix was relieved.Ferdinand had seemed radiant and positive, but that would not spare him if he'd hurt Ingrid somehow."When?"</p>
<p>"Last weekend," Ingrid said, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand."I'm surprised Mia never told you."</p>
<p>Felix frowned."Why?"</p>
<p>"She came down to help try cheering me up.And she helped a lot and I mostly feel like I did the right thing, but I mean--I feel bad, too.I didn't want to hurt Ferdinand," Ingrid rambled.</p>
<p>There was no way Felix could pretend to understand why Ingrid would've dumped Ferdinand when he was exactly what she had always wanted, but he nodded."Oh.I guess that's why Mia seemed a little serious.She didn't say anything, but she was thinking about the future, she said."</p>
<p>"Oh, God, I hope that I didn't make her doubt you two," Ingrid gasped."You're great together."</p>
<p>"So were you and Ferdinand," Felix pointed out.</p>
<p>"It didn't feel great," Ingrid said.Hastily, she added, "It didn't feel bad, either, but--I don't know!It just wasn't--I can't explain it."</p>
<p>Felix watched her sadly, wishing he could do something to make her stop worrying."If it wasn't, it wasn't," he said, hoping that was vague enough and held none of the judgement she had seemed certain he would have had for her.</p>
<p>"Thanks," Ingrid breathed."Still, I really hope that she isn't overthinking because of me."</p>
<p>"Ingrid, you're great, and strong, and very independent.But I don't think that Mia thinks of you as a role model."</p>
<p>Ingrid shot him a look."Hey!I thought you were complimenting me."</p>
<p>"I was!But I think Mia doesn't really go in for role models," Felix explained.</p>
<p>"Ah.That explains why she likes you," Ingrid said, smiling a little again.</p>
<p>"I'm her local hero," Felix said without thinking.</p>
<p>Ingrid cackled."Don't tell me she lets you get away with that kind of ego!"</p>
<p>"It wasn't--" Felix sighed, shaking his head and smiling at the light in Ingrid's eyes.How was he to explain that it was a reference to a song, that he and Mia both teased each other about their rivalries and competitions and the roles they played?"It was a joke," was what Felix settled on.</p>
<p>"I know," Ingrid said."Anyway, I just--I'm sorry for ending things with Ferdinand."</p>
<p>"Why apologize to me?" Felix asked."You're not my role model, either, you know."</p>
<p>"Actually, I am," Ingrid insisted, then sobered."But it's also--just--after all the time I spent wishing for Glenn and being unbearable, for me to--"</p>
<p>"Don't feel guilty about that," Felix said, knowing he'd told her something along those lines before."And stop punishing yourself for it.Just do what makes you happy."</p>
<p>Ingrid deflated a little."Okay."Her voice was small."Are you really one to talk, though?"</p>
<p>It was Felix's turn to sag a bit."Maybe not.But I have tried.Doing what makes me happy.I still feel people's expectations on me," he admitted, softly, "but they don't matter.Whatever expectations you think I have, forget them.Do what's best for you."</p>
<p>"Even if that means giving up something really good?" Ingrid asked.</p>
<p>"If you're not doing it to get even with yourself," Felix said, thinking, "then yes.Even if you are, I won't be mad.We all just want you to be happy."Mia wanted Felix to be happy, and so did Dimitri, and Sylvain, and the old man, and everyone.The same, naturally, went for Ingrid.</p>
<p>She relaxed."I know.Thanks, Felix.I'm starting to feel better about it."</p>
<p>"Good," Felix said.And when their meals arrived, Ingrid dug into hers with gusto.It was a sign that she meant it.</p>
<p>"Do you want me to tell Sylvain?" Felix asked, three-quarters into his meal.Ingrid had the same percentage left, despite her much larger portion.</p>
<p>"No," she said, "I'll do it myself.I just don't want to take away from his party.Or give him a reason to worry."</p>
<p>"If you tell him beforehand, then he won't have to find out for the same reason I did," Felix suggested."And maybe he'd be better off worrying about you a little."Sylvain's birthdays had never been purely happy occasions.That feeling had stuck long after he'd moved out on his own.</p>
<p>Ingrid bit her lip.Felix could see that she was weighing whether she'd be a burden by telling Sylvain, but their friend had to find out sooner or later.</p>
<p>"He'll understand," Felix said."Of all people."</p>
<p>"You know--that might be true.Although it seems that you understand, too," Ingrid said.</p>
<p>Felix snorted."You don't have to sound so surprised.Why are you smiling like that?"</p>
<p>It had been a roller-coaster of a lunch.Ingrid had gone from being listless and sad to amused and back again.Now, she looked like she might cry, even though she was grinning.</p>
<p>"I'm just--I'm so glad that you're back.Even though nothing's exactly perfect, we're back.The four of us."</p>
<p>"I never went away," Felix pointed out, but he knew that she was right."I'm glad, too."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>60 chapters!! excuse me!!! we're 5x longer than my original estimate which was laughably inaccurate, in hindsight</p>
<p>worse (better?)~~Amusingly~this is an unplanned chapter meaning that the total is now at least 71. i feel i haven't seized upon many opportunities for just the childhood friends to hang out. so i was glad to squeeze it in. ugh but that means we're just putting off the inevitable group-scene that will be Sylvain's b-day...</p>
<p>title is from 'Killing Time' by Serena Ryder because i've been listening to Utopia a fair amount lately</p>
<p>also there's another MTrench joke, the song 'Toy Soldiers' (which gives me very Ingrid vibes) has a line "you'll be my local hero, be my role model and don't, don't, don't, don't fail me now"</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0061"><h2>61. hold on to me i never wanna let you go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i can't NOT have a driving scene what do you take me for? by now i am sure you Know what this means</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix drove first to Mia's, where he would graciously offer her the keys so that she could drive the rest of the way to the lake.He wondered if he should be the one to drive for a change, but supposed if he had to admit it, he preferred being in the passenger seat.It meant he could relax, and not be the one worrying about other people's safety for a change.He didn't mind it if Mia knew, he supposed.He'd gotten her to drive enough times.</p>
<p>"You really don't mind?" he asked, sitting in the quiet of the car with Estoc and Spinach Puff loaded in the backseat.Mia was adjusting the mirrors yet again."Driving, as well as," he trailed off.</p>
<p>Mia shook her head."I sing when I drive.This gives me something to hang onto while I do.Plus driving's fun, even though your little car is a bit too close to the ground for comfort."</p>
<p>"You're always belittling my car," Felix said."It has enough space to fit my stuff, the cats, <em>and</em> your things, doesn't it?"</p>
<p>"We're packed in like a bunch of clowns," Mia said brightly.</p>
<p>"That's too far," Felix said.</p>
<p>Mia laughed, shoulders crunching inward as she apologized."I'm sorry.It's quite comfortable, and even better, it's clean."</p>
<p>"Thank you."</p>
<p>"Shall we get started?" Mia said, turning on the engine.Felix had offered to carry her things to the car, but she only had one large bag of clothes and a container of squares.She'd laughed and said that she wasn't planning on doing any work.All she had brought along for that was a notebook and pen in case inspiration struck.</p>
<p>Her plan really was to spend most of the weekend with Felix and his friends.It pleased him to think of, and he wished that they might stay a little longer after everyone else went home.Felix didn't have anywhere to be.He didn't know how far ahead Mia's plan went.</p>
<p>"So what will it be this time?" Mia asked, pulling out of her driveway onto the long country road."<em>Astoria?</em><em>Ever After?</em> <em>Baptized</em>?<em>Cage to Rattle</em>?"</p>
<p>She was wearing a coppery floral tank, and a ring to match in bright summer colours.The sun made the green fields on either side of them a vivid emerald, pastures rippling in the warm breeze.Birds darted above them and rested on fences barely standing.</p>
<p>"Something different," Felix said."I hope you don't mind."</p>
<p>"Of course not!Even if I don't know it I'll listen to what you want," Mia said, and Felix wondered if this meant she'd listen and learn, no matter what kind of trash he put on.</p>
<p>That wasn't his plan, though.He found the playlist Annette had shared and opened it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>You're stuck in my head, stuck in my heart, stuck in my body, body</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I wanna go, get out of here, I'm sick of the party, party</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'd run away</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'd run away with you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia said "Oh!" and smiled brightly.The sky was open and blue in front of them. </p>
<p>He had told her over messaging that Ingrid had let him know about her and Ferdinand's breakup.Mia had answered with relief at no longer having to pretend to know nothing of it.Felix had asked if that was what her worry had been about, when they'd met up.</p>
<p>Mia began singing along to the music coming from the car's speakers, quiet at first. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>This is the part, you've gotta say all that you're feeling, feeling</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Packing a bag, leaving tonight while everyone's sleeping, sleeping</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Let's run away</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll run away with you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe neither of them would ever know what it was they wanted.Felix wondered if anyone ever did.Then again, maybe in his case it simply hurt to think of the future, knowing how badly dreams could be broken.Mia talked about the present, not in the way Felix was resigned to it, but like it was something to cling to even as it changed and changed.He thought about the most recent book Ashe had lent him and the way the protagonist had held on to love despite every effort to make her let go. </p>
<p>Felix leaned back so that he could check on the cats in their carriers in the back seat.Estoc glared at him for trapping her, but he knew that he'd be forgiven when they made it to the Fortress.Spinach Puff was already asleep.</p>
<p>Mia threw herself into the chorus in the way that she did, like she'd forgotten that she wasn't alone. But she briefly met Felix's eyes with a smile as he settled back to facing forward. They were on the highway and though the traffic was heavy it moved along well enough.There was no trouble getting to the HOV lane, where Mia could set the cruise control and relax.</p>
<hr/>
<p>It had been sweet of Felix to pick Carly Rae Jepsen for the trip.Mia hadn't sung much besides the two bands she'd suggested at the start of their journey and it was fun to have something new.And the feeling of <em>Run Away With Me</em> seemed to fit driving and the way the early-summer sun bounced off every surface with that breathless optimism still hanging on from spring.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>'Cause you make me feel like</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I could be driving you all night</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And I'll find your lips in the street lights</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I wanna be there with you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia laughed, because it was suddenly clear that it also fit the way she had felt inviting Felix as her plus one to Hurst's wedding.She wanted Felix there with her, she wanted to be at Sylvain's party with him.It was like Hurst had said, and it was terrifying.</p>
<p>Felix looked over at her, and though Mia could feel his sharp eyes she knew that he no doubt wore that amused look--not understanding why Mia was giggling but happy nonetheless.And this was what it felt like, Mia thought.This was late spring, this was long grass and swaying trees and colour.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Baby, take me to the feeling</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll be your sinner in secret</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When the lights go out</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Run away with me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Run away with me</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a lot Mia had learned to feel bad about, with no good reason--things that made her feel like a 'sinner'.Her opinions, her curiosity, her future--but in this moment she could let it go.She wasn't alone.Hanging onto this feeling, this moment, was the most important thing.Whatever rules she was breaking, set by herself or by others, deserved to be broken.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Baby, every single minute</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll be your hero and win it</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When the lights go out</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Run away with me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Run away with me</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another line that made Mia smile.She had made sure to never let herself find its way into her protagonist.She had told herself that the role of a hero wasn't for her, but she was a siren to Felix.She was a magpie.She thought of how they'd met, and the big and little gestures they'd made.Hadn't she defeated her rival in battle?Did that not embody this line of the song?</p>
<p>As she sang along, Mia wondered whether Felix had listened to this ahead of time and felt the same as she did.He'd been her champion, after all.Even if he'd only picked this because of their unexpected karaoke night, she was happy.She felt listened to and appreciated, just for being her silly self.Whether or not he had paid attention to the lyrics, he wanted to be there with Mia, too.</p>
<p>When he'd asked her what she thought of Ingrid's decision, Mia still had no answer.She hadn't understood, and she hadn't known what she wanted, either.But maybe she did.Maybe what she didn't know was what she <em>might</em> want, in the future. There was so sense in worrying about <em>that</em>.</p>
<p>Glancing to her right, Mia saw that Felix was staring at her.What was he thinking about?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Hold on to me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I never wanna let you go</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Run away with me, run away with me</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Felix was thinking about holding on, and all the times he'd made himself sharp and off-putting.Mia had held on regardless, just like the girl in the book.She really was a hero, he supposed.He had thought he'd paid attention to the lyrics in this song, listening to this playlist while he'd cooked the night before.Mia's voice always made him think about them a little differently, though.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Over the weekend</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We could turn the world to gold</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Run away with me, run away with me</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He thought about running away, to his little house with his cats.Soon he wasn't just thinking about it.He wanted it.He wanted to hide away and feel breakable and cared-for with Mia.</p>
<p>The song ended, and the car was quiet for a few seconds in between songs.Felix was caught in his revelation.He didn't know what to say.The next song came on, a quiet one, and Mia didn't start singing along right away.</p>
<p>"I want to do this more," she said, slowing as a car crossed into their lane.</p>
<p>"Me, too," Felix said, thinking he'd drive anywhere with her.He'd drive nowhere with her.</p>
<p>The car in front picked up speed, so Mia adjusted the cruise control accordingly."Felix?"</p>
<p>"Yeah?" Felix replied.<em>Anything</em>.</p>
<p>"I think--when you're with me, I--well," Mia stumbled, and trailed off."Um--"</p>
<p>Felix shook his head.Whatever she was trying to say, it could wait until she knew how she wanted to word it."You don't need to say anything." </p>
<p>Inhaling, Mia nodded.She looked straight ahead at the road. </p>
<p>"It's the <em>Deep End</em>," Felix guessed."Underwater and on fire."</p>
<p>"<em>There's nothing wilder than my heart</em>," Mia sang softly."Do you still listen to that one?"</p>
<p>"All the time," Felix said.</p>
<p>Mia's hands moved very consciously on the steering wheel, guiding Felix's car along a curve in the highway.She exhaled, a soft sound of acknowledgement barely heard above the music.Felix didn't really hear any of the words.</p>
<p>At the end of the curve, Mia asked about Angie and Rodrigue.Felix gave her the latest progress, about Angie's upcoming vet appointment and the unlucky toy fish that had been purchased as a means to distract the cat from Rodrigue's fingers.The toy was already missing a fin.</p>
<p>The next song was one Mia loved, and she sang along again.It went like that--quiet conversation in between bubblegum love songs--for the rest of the trip.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The landscape went from flat fields to rocky outcrops and bare patches of stone.They passed by lakes and pastures that were hilly and contained small numbers of beef cattle.The animals were unbothered by the cars running along the highway.</p>
<p>Felix spotted a heron flapping above them, heading to a marshy section of lake.The store you could see from the highway that sold canoes and other man-powered boats was open, dozens of brightly-coloured watercraft in its yard.The trees were bright green and alive. </p>
<p>They turned off the highway to a winding back road, following Felix's directions to the gravel lane that lead to the Fortress.They'd unpack their things there, and Felix would take Mia to her grandmother's by boat.He was sorry that the trip was ending, but enjoyed the wilder scenery of this final stretch.The trees seemed to close in the nearer they got to their destination, cutting them off from the rest of the world.He wished that the cottage itself still gave that feeling, but it was better now, he supposed, for hosting all of Sylvain's friends.</p>
<p>No one else was there when they arrived.Mia turned at the sign that read 'Fraldarius'--painted by Glenn ages ago in stripes of different blues with the name in white.It wasn't perfect, but it was readable and probably the last recognizable object from the way the property had once looked.</p>
<p>Felix told Mia about it, then directed her where to park.There was an expanse of gravel for it, but Sylvain would have heavier things to carry and therefore needed the space closest to the door.</p>
<p>Then they were out in the open air.It smelled fresh and like spruce and pine and juniper.It smelled like water and summer.Felix could hear the lake sloshing. </p>
<p>The first task was getting the cats to the Fortress and their water and litter set up.Felix did that, with Mia helping to carry things while she admired the building.This was the second time she'd ever been here, Felix remembered, and the first time in daylight.</p>
<p>"It's weird being close up after seeing it for so long from the water," Mia said."I feel out of place.Do I look out of place?"</p>
<p>"No," Felix said."I may be biased, though."</p>
<p>Mia laughed."You looked out of place, in the fall when you came by our cottage.I wonder if I'm biased the other way, too, now that I know you more."</p>
<p>"I guess we'll see."</p>
<p>Felix gave Mia a tour once the cats were settled and the important things, namely food, had been put away.Mia's bag was waiting by the front door, for when he dropped her off at her place.</p>
<p>For now, it could wait.Felix showed off the expanse of the Fortress, the guest rooms and the kitchen.Mia knew the open sitting area from her first visit.Outside, they walked along the deck that ringed the building's second story like battlements.Mia leaned on the railing and looked down at the sparkling blue water.</p>
<p>Her hair was down to her shoulders, now.It was shiny in the sun.Felix stood next to her and watched the lake shimmer. </p>
<p>"Let's feel how the water is," Mia said.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Sitting on the end of the dock, their legs in the cool water, Mia tipped her head back to take in the sky.Her jeans were rolled up to her knees, as were Felix's.Both agreed after testing it with their toes that they would prefer not to swim, but the sun was warm and so was the breeze.</p>
<p>She never thought that she'd be here. </p>
<p>They spent a few minutes in silence, listening to the world.Mia lifted her leg, wincing at the dark hair curling all over it.Water made the skin shiny and bright--and also pale after the long winter.Droplets ran off her toes.She'd shave when she got to her cottage. </p>
<p>When she dipped it back safely under the water's surface, Mia caught Felix watching.She went red."It keeps getting chilly so I haven't--er--"</p>
<p>"Hm?Oh.I don't care.It looks fine.Better, good--"He blushed, sputtered, and hid his mouth behind his wrist, looking straight ahead.</p>
<p>"Thanks.Even so," Mia trailed off.Was this scandalous, to be talking about body hair with her boyfriend?</p>
<p>"I mean, I've seen your leg hair before," Felix said, pulling himself together."We've slept together."</p>
<p>Mia burst out laughing."You're right.You're right!It's weird.Feeling more comfortable around you and yet shy, too."</p>
<p>"I know," Felix said."I want to just--not <em>expose</em>--but--"</p>
<p>"<em>Felix!</em>" Mia shrieked, dipping her fingertips into the water and flicking a paltry three drops at him.He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned away.</p>
<p>"I just want you to <em>see</em>," Felix said, digging himself deeper.</p>
<p>"I've <em>already</em> seen your sword!" Mia squealed, pedalling at the water with her feet, making it churn and slosh noisily.</p>
<p>"Mia!"</p>
<p>She doubted they were the only ones on the lake.Hopefully no one else was near enough to hear--she knew very well how well sound travelled over water.If they were lucky no one would make out the words they were saying, though.</p>
<p>Maybe just their laughter would carry.</p>
<p>"But I mean the things I'm scared of," Felix said quietly, when they'd both sobered."That--that sometimes I want to be protected, too."</p>
<p>Mia knew what he meant.She had seen this side of him already, when he'd moved into his new house and was feeling lonely and unsure and like <em>Porcelain</em>.</p>
<p>"Thank you," she said, "for telling me."</p>
<p>She turned her left hand over, so that it faced up.Felix followed her gaze down to it and smiled small, putting his hand in hers.She felt music in her heart and wondered if Felix did, too.His hand was calloused, no doubt from his swords, with a few pink scratches standing out on the back.</p>
<p>Mia lifted it, partly to get a better look.A few veins were blue beneath the skin, but there were no freckles.His knuckles were bony--she brought them to her lips.</p>
<p>With that hand, Felix cupped her cheek.Her fingers moved, to hold loose around his wrist.It was still strange, feeling touch on her face and the way his little finger rested on her jaw.Mia liked it.She liked the sense that she was close to him.She liked the way he looked at her like she was incredible.</p>
<p>"May I," Felix murmured.</p>
<p>Mia nodded slightly."Yes."</p>
<p>Tipping her face up, Felix kissed her, lightly.It felt so private, even though they were perched on the end of the dock.Mia closed her eyes and let him deepen the kiss, opening her mouth and tasting his breath. </p>
<p>It was different from what they'd done before, all awkward tongues and hard teeth.Mia needed a moment to get used to the feeling, and Felix needed more than that.He separated slightly from her, breath hot on her face, and laughed nervously.He withdrew his hand from Mia's cheek to hold his stomach, curling forward and <em>giggling</em>.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>He tread at the water with both feet."That felt weird!Your mouth's all wet."</p>
<p>He wasn't wrong."I think mouths are like that.Do you think we did it right?" she asked. </p>
<p>"We're so stupid--I can hear Sylvain yelling at me," Felix gasped."I have no idea.<em>You</em> read a lot."</p>
<p>"No more than you," Mia said."And I haven't been reading <em>The Passion in the Willows</em> so it's not like it makes a difference anyway."</p>
<p>"The what--oh not--don't go on a quote tangent again, not right now," Felix pleaded.</p>
<p>Mia thought he deserved some generosity."Very well."She tried to sound haughty but doubted she came across that way.Giving up on that, she asked, in her natural voice, what they should do, then.</p>
<p>Surprisingly resolute, Felix said, "We should try again."</p>
<p>"Give me a second," Mia said, swallowing and adjusting her right hand on the dock where she leaned on it."Okay.Come at me."</p>
<p>Felix snorted, and they tried again.Snickering, noses bumping, the sun high above them--it felt at last like they had all the time in the world all to themselves.If anyone boated past, neither of them would have noticed.Maybe Mia didn't care--she was for the first time just a dumb young person making out with her sweetheart.If he happened to be taking this as seriously as studying the blade, then so be it.Serious until he had to break off for a fit of laughter, that is.But once he'd composed himself he was trying again, like it was a tricky sword manoeuvre to master.Mia tried her best, too, to figure out what felt good for both of them and to get used to the feeling of being in someone else's mouth.</p>
<p>Her leg lifted out of the water and she thought she might just fall back onto the dock. </p>
<p>"Okay?" Felix asked, sensing that she was losing balance.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Mia said."I'm having fun."</p>
<p>"Good.So am I.I don't think you're gross."</p>
<p>"You are so lucky that--" Mia stopped herself, then changed course "--that I know what you <em>do</em> mean."</p>
<p>Sheepish, Felix was the ideal target for a kiss on the jaw, so Mia got him there with a swift peck.</p>
<p>"'Not gross'," she muttered.</p>
<p>"You are the opposite of gross," Felix said.</p>
<p>"It's too late," Mia said."And please don't try coming up with a word for the opposite of gross."Then they'd really be in <em>Passion in the Willows</em> territory, and Mia had laughed hard enough for one afternoon.</p>
<p>"But you <em>do</em> know what I mean?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>Mia nodded."It's weirder than everyone makes it out to be, but better than you'd be worried about."</p>
<p>"Exactly.I thought it would be more gross.But I want to do it with you."</p>
<p>"And I feel the same," Mia said.And she knew that what they both also meant was this: 'I'm falling in love with you, I'm falling in love with you, and I'm letting it happen.' </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hghfghfjghhajhhhkjhs i said to myself i'd dial up the romance because we all deserve it. we deserve romance. We deserve it! i wasn't prepared for it.</p>
<p>and yes, i did reread <em>Fire and Hemlock</em> and therefore i am also thinking of Tam Lin and holding onto someone as they change and never letting go and i'm a little breathless<br/>so there were a few references to that novel, which is by Diana Wynne Jones. if you don't hear from me it's because i've restarted <em>Deep Secret</em></p>
<p>the title song and the lyrics during the drive are from Carly Rae Jepsen's "Run Away With Me" which i had on repeat along with "Making the Most of the Night" so that certainly added to my already sappy mood. "Sentimental drivel" lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0062"><h2>62. to those barefoot summer nights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"remember when we said 'don't let go til we die'<br/>take me back to that fire in your eyes,<br/>'cause i know it ain't gone too far<br/>take me back to you and to your wild heart"</p>
<p>Sylvain's birthday</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sylvain had given Ashe a ride.They got to the Fortress in the late afternoon, after Felix had dropped Mia off at her cottage to do what she needed to do.Felix helped carry bags of liquor from Sylvain's SUV and listened to him talk about the drive and the guy who'd be feeding Ruin over the weekend.</p>
<p>"I've never met him, but he's a good friend of Lorenz and really sweet, kinda cute in a nerdy way.He's not going to scare Ruin so I've got nothing to worry about," Sylvain said, walking alongside Felix, carrying a paper LCBO bag.Felix had his arms full of food prepared ahead of time by Ashe--who was at the door ready to hold it open for them.</p>
<p>"Ruin's still shy with new people?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>"Yeah, he's great with me and hangs around if Mercedes or Ashe drops by--he doesn't mind Lorenz either--but anyone else and he disappears.I get it, though.Thanks Ashe, one more trip and we're done."</p>
<p>They set their things down on the counter.Estoc was exploring Sylvain's bag on the couch.</p>
<p>"He doesn't mind <em>Lorenz?</em>" Felix repeated.When they were in sixth grade Lorenz had called Villain 'awful' and complained that cats were always 'out to get him' so Felix had insulted Lorenz's hair.Things had escalated and they hadn't spoken much ever since, despite having to see each other quite frequently at family gatherings. </p>
<p>Sylvain pouted."He <em>has</em> grown since your little feud.You'd know that if you didn't ignore him at every opportunity."</p>
<p>"So you keep saying," Felix said.</p>
<p>Ashe leaned on the door so that the two of them could pass. "Felix, hold a grudge?Impossible."</p>
<p>"It's a family thing," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes."Blood means nothing."</p>
<p>"You're cousins, you have to be nice!I've been keeping the peace all this time," Sylvain whined.</p>
<p>"We'll see," Felix said."It depends on what he says about Spinach Puff."</p>
<p>"He's human, he's going to love Spinach Puff."</p>
<p>They seized the last of the bags from the car and Sylvain let the door close automatically behind them.Their feet crunched on the gravel. </p>
<p>"How was the drive with Mia?" Sylvain asked.</p>
<p>"Good.Traffic was weirdly light."</p>
<p>"Okay," Sylvain laughed a little."And when you got here?"</p>
<p>Felix did not dare think about what they'd done when they'd gotten here, or he'd go red and Sylvain would think it was much more than what had actually happened."Shut up."</p>
<p>"I didn't even say anything!"</p>
<p>"You were suggesting!"</p>
<p>Ashe opened the door for them."Suggesting what?"</p>
<p>"What Sylvain always suggests."</p>
<p>"Ah."Ashe followed them in and began sorting through his things, taking charge and getting Felix to load up the fridge."So <em>did</em> you--"</p>
<p>"No!God, Ashe, not you, too," Felix groaned.He dutifully accepted another container of food and slid it into the fridge."There better be room for the cake."</p>
<p>"I hope so, too," Ashe said, laughing."I won't tease you anymore, I promise.It's nice seeing you so happy, though."</p>
<p>"You don't have to get all sappy," Felix grumbled.</p>
<p>Sylvain was not helping at all with unpacking, but it <em>was</em> his birthday tomorrow.He scooped up Estoc and held her close."<em>Who's</em> the prettiest girl?Look at your little nose."</p>
<p>"So Mia's at her family's place on the lake?" Ashe confirmed.</p>
<p>Felix waited for this to lead into mockery, but Ashe was keeping his word about not teasing.It made sense.Ashe was honourable, unlike certain people. </p>
<p>"Yeah.Dropped her off by boat about an hour ago.She'll come around tomorrow morning."</p>
<p>"I can't believe I haven't seen her since your birthday," Ashe said.</p>
<p>Felix shrugged."You've been talking online."The cat-chat was growing and included all of their friends at this point. </p>
<p>"You're right," Ashe conceded.He then asked cheerfully about Angie, so Felix told him and Sylvain both about his old man's latest adventures with the Shoulder Bastard. </p>
<p>Mercedes and Annette got there in the evening, with cake and cookies and and other baked goods.The fridge was stuffed to maximum capacity.All of them sat around and talked, about what was new and what was changing, and how Dimitri would definitely win the play-offs.Felix held onto Estoc and Ashe sat with Spinach Puff in his lap.Sylvain chatted with Mercedes over his head and Annette looked for the stupidest memes she could find.Felix settled back and smiled.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Ingrid and her friends from Ailell arrived early the next morning in Marianne's truck, which Leonie slapped affectionately and called 'Motor-Dorte'.Marianne hid her face, embarrassed.Ingrid circled to the back and began pulling their things out from under the tonneau cover.Felix accepted a cardboard box, a little groggily after being woken up by a very excited Sylvain and Ashe.</p>
<p>"Motor what?" he asked, after Leonie had already greeted Sylvain and probably begun talking about something else.</p>
<p>She looked at him."Dorte is Marianne's horse.So the truck.It's--Motor-Dorte."</p>
<p>"Okay," Felix said, defeated. </p>
<p>"Only Leonie calls it that," Marianne said.</p>
<p>"And now, Sylvain," Felix told her."How was the, uh, drive?"</p>
<p>They carried the three women's things inside, and Mercedes greeted them by preparing coffee and tea.Annette was still in the process of getting up, but appeared soon enough to steal a breakfast cupcake and ask after the horses and animals of the farm in Ailell.</p>
<p>"Is Crusher staying home alone?" Marianne asked.</p>
<p>Annette shook her head."My dad's watching him.Crusher kind of hates him but mom's busy and he owes me, anyway."</p>
<p>"I figured your dog would have a great time here," Leonie said, settling onto the couch with a cup of tea. </p>
<p>"Oh, he sure does," Annette growled."Last time he visited he ran straight into a patch of poison ivy, and chased a rabbit all the way to the fucking marina, and minutes before we left he dove into the lake so he was soaking wet and <em>stank</em> like wet-ass dog the whole trip home."</p>
<p>With his coffee, Felix could smile at the memory of this.While Crusher was devoted to Annette, the dog <em>was</em> close to a hundred pounds and able to cause all kinds of destruction."So he's in old man detention."</p>
<p>"That makes it sound like detention for old men," Annette protested.</p>
<p>"Crusher looks like an old man," Sylvain pointed out.</p>
<p>Annette gasped."How dare you!He's my little boy, not an old man."</p>
<p>"I meant detention with your old man," Felix said, realizing he hadn't drunk enough of his coffee to sound smart and that he wasn't actually funny.</p>
<p>"How's Crusher with cats, anyway?" Leonie asked, reaching down to Estoc as she passed by the foot of the couch.</p>
<p>Annette laughed."Terrified of them.He's such a big baby.Small dogs, too.I can't count the number of times we've had to cross the street to avoid walking past a little dog."</p>
<p>"Crusher thinks he's a kitten," Mercedes observed.</p>
<p>"Kittens are braver," Annette said.</p>
<p>As the morning turned to bright summer day, more of their friends began to arrive.Hilda and Lysithea drove in together, and Dorothea came onto the scene with Bernadetta at the same time that Mia got there by aluminum boat.</p>
<p>Felix was just beginning to understand that Dorothea had been flirting with him all this time when Mia came up the path from the dock to greet the others on the driveway.</p>
<p>"Mia, it's been too long," Dorothea said.</p>
<p>Mia blushed and said hello to her and to Bernadetta, who Felix knew was in a hurry to see the cats and probably get used to the sounds of conversation before joining the main group.</p>
<p>"Is everyone already here?" Mia asked, looking at all the cars in the driveway.</p>
<p>"I wish," Felix grumbled. </p>
<p>"Okay?Who is it," Mia said, "You said Dimitri's got a game."</p>
<p>"A friend of Sylvain's," Felix said.He wasn't going to talk to Lorenz if he didn't have to.</p>
<p>Mia shrugged and they went inside, to find Spinach Puff and Estoc for Bernadetta and to listen to Dorothea describe her latest tour experience.Lysithea was talking cake with Mercedes and Annette.Felix pulled Mia to where Ashe and Ingrid were, since Ashe had been complaining about not seeing her.Mia laughed.When Sylvain came by, to say hello, she wished him a happy birthday and agreed to a hug. </p>
<p>It made Felix smile to see.He hoped that the proud grin Sylvain wore could stay there all day.</p>
<p>"Oh, someone else is coming in," Leonie said."Gotta be Lorenz."</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes.He hung back, and Mia stayed with him.Ashe wasn't particularly close with Lorenz either, so he only glanced over at the door before going back to talking about the plant cutting Dedue had shared with him.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Mia was getting better at reading Felix.She had no idea who this Lorenz was, but she could tell that Felix was exasperated by him.It wasn't the kind of hate and sadness that he'd felt towards Dimitri when she'd first met them.But it was clear that this newcomer was there to see Sylvain, not Felix.</p>
<p>Lorenz appeared in the doorway, quite tall and narrow, wearing a short-sleeved purple button-up.He carried a gift bag that clearly held a bottle of wine, which he handed to Sylvain with birthday wishes.</p>
<p>Glancing to her right, Mia saw that Felix was rolling his eyes yet again. </p>
<p>"Better say hello," Ashe murmured, leaving them to their corner.Mia decided to wait with Felix rather than have to introduce herself.</p>
<p>It was some time before Lorenz finished greeting everyone and spied Felix above everyone else's heads.He walked over, a little bit sheepish.</p>
<p>"Thank you for hosting, Felix," he said."It's always a pleasure to visit your cottage."</p>
<p>"Hmph.Sure," Felix said.</p>
<p>Lorenz seemed to have expected that kind of a response."How have you been?And Uncle Rodrigue, too."</p>
<p>Mia coughed into her fist.They were <em>cousins</em>?She couldn't say that it was possible to imagine Rodrigue as anyone's uncle, but that was secondary to the fact that Felix had acted like he didn't even <em>know</em> Lorenz.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I'm being rude.Lorenz Gloucester," he said, extending his hand.</p>
<p>"Mia."</p>
<p>Lorenz took her hand and brought it to his lips, just brushing her knuckles.Mia looked over at the <em>very</em> disgruntled Felix and could have screamed with laughter.</p>
<p>"You do realize that's my girlfriend," Felix grumbled.</p>
<p>This got a reaction out of Lorenz, who blinked wide."You?Felix?"</p>
<p>"What's that supposed to mean?"</p>
<p>"Sylvain never mentioned that you had a girlfriend," Lorenz said, letting go of Mia's hand."What a pleasure to meet you."</p>
<p>"Yes, you too," Mia said.She did not add that Felix had never told her anything about his cousins.</p>
<p>"Why would Sylvain tell you I had a girlfriend?" Felix demanded. </p>
<p>Lorenz was not intimidated by Felix's sharp tone or glare--possibly because he was quite a lot taller."Please, this is Sylvain we're talking about."</p>
<p>"It's rude to gossip," Felix said, crossing his arms and looking like he'd just scored a point.</p>
<p>For a second, Lorenz seemed flummoxed, but recovered well."Yes, in any case, I'm happy for you.How long have you been together?"</p>
<p>Since Felix didn't look like he was going to answer, Mia said, "Since December.Give or take."</p>
<p>"Half a year!"</p>
<p>Felix grumbled."What do you mean, you're 'happy for me'?"</p>
<p>Lorenz stared."I mean I'm glad that you've found someone you like enough to date," he said carefully.</p>
<p>"Why?" Felix asked, suspiciously.</p>
<p>"Because I'm over what you said to me and hoping that you feel the same?"</p>
<p>Mia could only <em>imagine</em> what they had fought about, or said, that was terrible enough for Felix to be so suspicious about his cousin's intentions.She looked back and forth, from one to another, her chin lifting and dropping as each man spoke in turn.</p>
<p>"You're over me calling you a friendless parrot who only repeated--"</p>
<p>"Yes," Lorenz cut in."And I suppose I'm flattered you bothered to remember.And I apologize for what I said in retaliation.I was immature." He stood straight, and tall, and nodded demurely."I know better now, but that doesn't change that my words made you--that they hurt you.I am sorry."</p>
<p>Mia heard Felix mumble something like <em>"--</em>did not make me cry--" before he too, drew himself up to full height, which was not much compared to Lorenz."So what is this, then?'<em>Forgive and forget?'</em>" He spoke the words like they were cotton candy, nothing but hateful sugar.</p>
<p>Lorenz laughed."Of course not!Neither of us can forget a slight.I, for one, am willing to forgive, and move forward on the assumption that both of us are significantly different people now."</p>
<p>Even Mia heard the challenge in that.She looked at Felix.</p>
<p>"You think I'm petty enough to keep holding a grudge for that?You were barely worth my time <em>then</em>," Felix said."I forgive you for your little comments," he added, face slipping into a sneer.</p>
<p>"Excellent," Lorenz said.</p>
<p>"Good," Felix snapped.</p>
<p>Mia thought about backing off in case a fistfight broke out.Then again, it was entirely likely that Lorenz had a glove somewhere on his person--useful in initiating a duel, which Felix would never turn down.</p>
<p>"Good," Lorenz repeated, smile beginning to form.</p>
<p>"So.Last I heard," Felix said, voice strained with the effort of trying to sound conversational, "you were still," he hissed, "single."</p>
<p>The smile on Lorenz's face became a grin."Are you really trying to use your girlfriend as a weapon?Wait, that's the <em>least</em> surprising thing you'd do.I remember you weaponizing your lab partner in science to steal the highest grade from me."</p>
<p>"All I did was study harder," Felix said, his sneer beginning to lose some of its sharpness."And I bribed her.I knew she'd get my mark over that threshold."</p>
<p>"You--!" Lorenz gasped."I knew you cheated!What was the one after that--oh, of course.After that--"</p>
<p>Felix's posture sunk."Yeah.That was when it happened."</p>
<p>"You missed several weeks of school.And I don't know if I ever said how sorry I was," Lorenz said softly."I was so caught up in being your enemy, but we don't have to be."</p>
<p>It took Mia a second to realize that they were likely talking about Glenn.</p>
<p>"It's fine, it wouldn't have made a difference.Besides, a worthy opponent is worth as much as a friend," Felix added.For the first time, it sounded like he really did forgive Lorenz for whatever had transpired. </p>
<p>Lorenz' eyes widened a little and he looked like he was going to say something, but then he shook his head.He conceded, "I did miss our competition.But I do not think we should try to outdo each other in, ah, personal relationships."</p>
<p>"Oh, don't act like you never competed with Sylvain about them," Felix snapped."You're only saying that because you're losing."</p>
<p>Mia gasped."Felix!"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"I don't even <em>know</em> what to say!" Mia protested."You really are the most competitive person I've ever met."</p>
<p>"Says the woman who picks fights with <em>writers</em>," Felix muttered.</p>
<p>It was not so quiet that Lorenz couldn't hear, so he asked about it, and Mia was forced to explain that not only did she write, but also her experience with NaNoWriMo and her rivalry with Virion.</p>
<p>"Virion?" Lorenz repeated."Does he write a lot of poetry?"</p>
<p>Mia rolled her eyes, since she had been on the verge of complaining about Virion's use of repeated stanzas to increase his word count."Oh, yes.It's all very romantic."</p>
<p>"Ha, I knew it!There aren't many Virions.I believe I've heard of you," Lorenz said, grinning.</p>
<p>"What?" Mia said.She hadn't thought it was possible.</p>
<p>Lorenz nodded."Yes, I know all about the rivalry.Oh, he's so very mad that you came along and made things difficult for him.Of course he's glad to have the motivation," he added, "but he isn't happy to keep losing to you.He's trying to outline a 300k novel for next year."</p>
<p>"<em>Three Hundred Thousand words?</em>" Mia asked."Oh my God.And I haven't done any planning at all."</p>
<p>"Start," Felix said."Start now."</p>
<p>"What is this," Mia asked.</p>
<p>Lorenz was laughing."Wait.Wait, he told me that he thought he'd win last year, because his rival had gotten a boyfriend.A boyfriend who tried to <em>intimidate</em> him.Of course it was Felix--I should have known right away--"</p>
<p>"We can't lose to him," Felix said urgently."Especially knowing he's a friend of this parrot."</p>
<p>"I'm going to pretend you didn't just call me that," Lorenz interjected.</p>
<p>"We?" Mia asked Felix."So you'll be helping me come up with a 310k outline?"</p>
<p>"Perhaps I shouldn't have revealed his goal," Lorenz said.</p>
<p>Mia looked up at him."Virion doesn't have to know.I won't tell him."</p>
<p>"We're a team," Felix told her.</p>
<p>"Fine, we'll crush him again," Mia said.She mentally added to the projects she was already working on and held back a groan.</p>
<p>"You did it," Lorenz said, awed, to Felix."You found someone as violently competitive as you are."</p>
<p>Felix snorted."Shut up.You're competitive, too."</p>
<p>"But not <em>violently</em> so," Lorenz clarified.</p>
<p>"I am not violently competitive," Mia said, pouting a little.</p>
<p>Felix stared at her, incredulous."You said you wrote enough for <em>four</em> novels in a month!"</p>
<p>"You egged me on!" Mia's pout grew.</p>
<p>"It didn't take much," Felix said."Besides, when you have a <em>rival</em> the point is to destroy them."</p>
<p>It was then that Sylvain managed to break away from his own conversation with Lysithea in order to check up on Felix and Lorenz.</p>
<p>"Heyy," he said, with the tone of someone about to ask that everyone put down their knives."Nice to see you two talking!How's everyone behaving?"</p>
<p>Felix and Lorenz both glared daggers at him. </p>
<p>"We are not children," Lorenz said."I've just learned that Mia is the mysterious rival Virion has been battling for the past few Novembers."</p>
<p>"No way," Sylvain laughed.</p>
<p>"You mean 'losing to'," Felix corrected Lorenz.</p>
<p>This lead to another round of not-quite-arguing whether or not Felix was trying to use Mia to one-up Lorenz. </p>
<p>Sylvain turned to Mia."So it's like this again?"</p>
<p>"I guess so."</p>
<p>"Better than them ignoring each other," Sylvain mused, though he didn't sound fully convinced.</p>
<p>Mia wanted very much to ask about their apparent feud--or was it just an intense rivalry?How did something like that even start?With Felix, Mia realized, it likely didn't take much.</p>
<p>"They're <em>cousins?</em>" she asked, in a whisper.</p>
<p>Sylvain nodded, and noticed that Mia was on the brink of hysterics."You think this is funny.I am as usual stuck in between Felix and an imaginary grudge and you think it's funny."</p>
<p>"You're right.How many enemies does he have?"</p>
<p>"Countless.Luckily most of them aren't people we see very often, anymore."Sylvain peered down at her."Are you willing to stand with him against the hordes?"</p>
<p>"Might as well," Mia said, thinking of how readily Felix had joined her in her rivalry against Virion.Then she giggled."The first realtor he went with has some history with Chrom--one of the other writers and the host of all his and Lon'qu's duels.When I said this Felix was like 'so he's an enemy'," she tried to sound as intense as Felix.</p>
<p>Sylvain laughed."Oh, I believe it."</p>
<p>"I am right here," Felix reminded them.But he shot Mia a quick smile.She caught Lorenz smiling, too, but his expression was schooled back to seriousness when Felix returned his attention to his cousin.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Lunch was barbecued hamburgers and hot dogs, with numerous salads and sides.The entire group spread out over the sprawling decks of the Fortress, listening to the wind in the trees and the lake sloshing past.Mia found herself in between Bernadetta and Annette while she ate, and watched Felix and Ingrid enter a stare-down before he conceded the last burger.Ingrid piled it high with condiments and salad, and settled down beside Dorothea to enjoy her prize.Felix leaned on the railing and rolled his eyes as Lorenz flirted with Hilda.Annette's hot dog was squeezed out of the bun as she ate, and she swore violently when it dropped onto her plate, which then flipped over in her lap.Ashe and Leonie both were there in an instant with extra napkins for the ketchup that ended up on her knees.</p>
<p>Mia asked Mercedes, perched on the arm of Sylvain's chair, what she was knitting at the moment.Mercedes described the sweater she was making for her brother, and the new yarn shop she had discovered and splurged on.Marianne asked what kind of wool they used and leaned forward as Mercedes pulled up the shop's information on her phone.</p>
<p>Lunch tapered off into the afternoon, and Felix, Mercedes, and Ingrid went into the house to arrange the cake.It was brought out, covered in candles, and everyone sang while Sylvain pretended to be embarrassed.</p>
<p>As was everything baked by Mercedes, the cake was delicious.If there were no other benefits to being in this friend group, Mercedes' baking would be enough to make a person want to stay.Even Felix had a small slice, which made Lysithea cheer, pumping her fork into the air.</p>
<p>After eating, everyone worked together to clean up, though Mercedes brought out more baked goods to leave on the counter so people could snack. </p>
<p>"I'm going for a swim," Sylvain said, when the dishes were all clean and everyone had settled into a relaxed sprawl throughout the Fortress.</p>
<p>"Water's cold," Felix said, as Mia said, "I don't think it's warm enough."</p>
<p>"Ooh, tested it, have you?" Sylvain asked, wiggling his eyebrows.</p>
<p>Mia said, "Yeah?That's what you do when you get to the cottage?"</p>
<p>Sylvain flapped his hand at her.</p>
<p>"I don't care how cold it is," Ashe said."I'm not wasting this opportunity."</p>
<p>In the end, less than half of them ended up in the water.Hilda refused outright, and Dorothea said that if Felix thought it was cold, then it probably was.Lysithea was goaded into swimming by Leonie, who was the first one back out of the lake.</p>
<p>Those who didn't want to test their luck stayed inside playing cards and board games.When everyone was dried off, Sylvain opened gifts from his friends.Felix began checking the clock and constantly watched Sylvain's face, but he seemed relaxed to Mia.</p>
<p>In the evening, they turned on the tv to watch Dimitri's hockey game.Mia liked to think that she wouldn't have known a thing about it if not for Felix, but the truth was, the Leafs were playing for the Stanley Cup for the first time in decades and they seemed to have a good chance at winning.Mia couldn't have gone outside without hearing about hockey.</p>
<p>Not that she understood it.She sat beside Felix, who leaned forward eagerly to watch.</p>
<p>Bowls of chips and snacks were passed around.Mia didn't think she could eat anymore ever again.She sipped on some kind of sangria mix that Lysithea had made, fruity and extremely sweet.</p>
<p>Everyone groaned, and Mia gathered that the opposing goalie had stopped Dimitri's shot.Someone commented that he was feeling guilty about not being able to make Sylvain's birthday.</p>
<p>"But if they won the Cup it would be the greatest gift I could ask for," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Mia watched the others watch the game.Hilda was surprisingly engrossed, but Dorothea was talking quietly to Bernadetta and not paying much attention, either.Ashe watched, but was also scrolling through something on his phone.Lorenz offered to get Leonie another beer and she waved at him irritably to leave her alone, so that she could focus on the game.</p>
<p>"So what are the odds on the <em>Leafs</em> winning?" Annette asked.Sylvain told her to wait a moment and then seemed to try doing some kind of math in his head.</p>
<p>"Fifty-fifty," Mia said, "they win or they don't."Felix clinked his glass against Mia's.</p>
<p>Annette stuck her tongue out."You're <em>so</em> funny.I'm serious.We should put money on this."</p>
<p>"Okay," Sylvain said, "It would be--hang on."He reached into his pocket for his phone as an ominous horror ringtone quietly began to shriek.</p>
<p>Beside Mia, Felix had gone rigid.He shook his head at Sylvain.</p>
<p>"Sorry, guys, I've gotta take this," Sylvain lifted his phone half-heartedly and stood.</p>
<p>"Don't," Felix said.</p>
<p>Sylvain smiled weakly and walked out, barefoot.The door to the deck slid closed and for a minute the only sound came from the tv.Felix half-stood.</p>
<p>"No, Felix," Ingrid said.</p>
<p>Felix sank back down into the couch.He looked murderous."I <em>knew</em> this was coming."</p>
<p>"He'll be back in, soon," Ingrid said."Don't interrupt."</p>
<p>"Fine," Felix snapped.He downed the rest of his rye and got up for more.Mia watched, uncertain, but the attention of most of the room was returning to the tv.Mia followed Felix's gaze to the door, as he crossed the room with a fresh drink as well as some bottled water.He sat down next to her, sighing irritably.Ingrid looked sad, while Felix slowly rearranged his bangs in front of his face. </p>
<p>Mia felt him trying to relax, and wished she knew what he was so upset about. </p>
<p>Sylvain didn't come back right away.For the first few minutes--which probably felt longer than they needed to with Mia bored by the hockey yet on alert from the birthday boy's departure--there seemed to be a big, gaping space where Sylvain had been sitting.But as the announcers on tv got more excited, as someone made a pass to Dimitri and he broke away, everyone started to lean forward again, hopeful and excited by the history-making moment that might be unfolding in front of them.</p>
<p>He scored, and even Felix cheered.</p>
<p>Mia smiled at him, but she only knew which of the players was Dimitri when someone pointed him out to her--otherwise, he looked like any of the other little blue-and-white clad action figures gliding to and fro across the ice.But she was happy that Felix was becoming invested in it, especially after the way his and Dimitri's relationship had been when she'd first met them.Mia had to wonder if Felix would be much of a security guard, caught up in the excitement of the playoffs as he was.</p>
<p>With her own drink finished, Mia stood and walked barefoot to the kitchen.Outside, the sun was beginning the long, long, process of setting.Unlike home, the Fraldarius cottage face East, so the grass in front of the building and the water she could see from here were already in the shadows of the trees.</p>
<p>Mia glanced back at the crowded tv, and then crept to the sliding door.She slipped outside and walked along the deck, with the intention of heading down to the dock to enjoy a break from the party.</p>
<p>Leaning against the railing, looking sadder than Mia had ever imagined he could, was Sylvain.</p>
<p>"Oh," Mia said, not wanting to seem like she was sneaking up on him."Hi."</p>
<p>Sylvain looked up and immediately brightened, giving her a wink."Hi there.Off to a clandestine meeting with Felix, or are you here for me?"</p>
<p>Mia felt herself blushing."I guess I'm a little bored with the hockey," she admitted.</p>
<p>"Don't tell Dimitri," Sylvain teased.</p>
<p>"I wouldn't," Mia assured him."But it's also nice out here."</p>
<p>"It's a lot nicer now that you're out here, with me," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Mia laughed and leaned on the railing beside him."I thought you weren't going to flirt with me anymore!"</p>
<p>"I can't resist," Sylvain said.Resting on the rail in front of him was his phone.</p>
<p>"Everything all right?" Mia asked, thinking of how upset Felix had been about him taking that phone call, and how even Sylvain hadn't been able to hide how unhappy he'd been about it.</p>
<p>Sylvain smiled dazzlingly."Of course!Just fine.It's my birthday, after all."</p>
<p>"Oh, well, good."Mia didn't think he was being honest with her, but she wasn't going to pry."Do you want me to bring anything out for you?"</p>
<p>"Huh?Oh, no, thanks.I should probably get back in there, shouldn't I?"</p>
<p>"If you want," Mia said."I don't mind hanging out here for a bit."</p>
<p>"With me?"</p>
<p>"Yes, with you," Mia said, bumping her shoulder against his.</p>
<p>"Careful, I might just fall in love with you," Sylvain said with another wink.</p>
<p>Mia rolled her eyes, but smiled."That sounds like a you problem."</p>
<p>"No mercy," Sylvain laughed. </p>
<p>"If you're going to keep flirting, then it's tit for tat," Mia said.Sylvain giggled at her word choice, and she felt herself flush."Oh--come on!It's an expression!"</p>
<p>Sylvain rocked his weight back and forth."I know some more expressions using the word 'tit'.I could teach them to you.You might find them," he leaned over and said, low and perhaps sultry, "<em>titillating</em>."</p>
<p>"Oh, shush," Mia said, through laughter and her fingers. </p>
<p>"Shush me, yourself," Sylvain countered.</p>
<p>Mia folded her arms on the railing and hid her face in them."Ugh, <em>stop</em>."</p>
<p>"All right, I'm sorry.I said I'd stop flirting," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"Thanks."Mia turned her head so that her cheek rested on her arm, but she could look up at Sylvain."I know you don't mean anything by it, though."</p>
<p>"You're right, but still.And I'm glad that you're not so nervous around me," Sylvain told her, "but--I'm a little on edge.I shouldn't take it out on you."</p>
<p>"It's fine," Mia assured him."I hope that you can relax."</p>
<p>Sylvain smiled sadly down at his phone."Thanks.What's the score, in there?"</p>
<p>"Hm?Oh, I think it was one-one when I left."</p>
<p>"Ugh, I want them to <em>win</em>," Sylvain groaned.</p>
<p>"It's going to be chaos for weeks if they do," Mia said, not sure how long it had been since the <em>Leafs</em> last won the Stanley Cup. </p>
<p>Further down the deck, the door slid open.Felix craned his head out.Seeing Sylvain and Mia, he nodded and joined them at the railing.</p>
<p>"So, are you doing all right?" Felix asked.Mia was relieved that he hadn't been angry at Sylvain--rather he was upset at whatever the phone call had been about.</p>
<p>"Fine.Thanks for checking up on me," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>"Oh?Good."</p>
<p>"We were just talking about the game," Mia said.</p>
<p>"<em>Leafs </em>are up one," Felix informed them, suddenly fighting a smile."If they win, then next Saturday could be the game that ends the series."</p>
<p>"Let's cheer them on, then," Sylvain said."Mia?"</p>
<p>She nodded, happy that things seemed to be getting back to normal."After you."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Felix was relieved that Sylvain had been so composed talking to Mia, but worried that was the only reason for it.He knew how Sylvain was about putting on a brave face--so for the rest of the night he kept an eye on his friend in case the mask became too heavy to hold up.</p>
<p>The <em>Leafs</em> won their game, so most of them had shots--except for Mia, who was driving back to her cottage by boat before it got too dark.Felix might have liked her to stay, but it would have been more difficult to be there completely for Sylvain were she also on his mind.So he kissed her on the cheek--a little tipsy--and watched her start the motor on her family's aluminum boat.</p>
<p>"Stop by tomorrow morning?" he asked, then hid his mouth behind his hand.</p>
<p>"Sure," Mia said, loudly over the puttering of the engine.</p>
<p>"Good," Felix said.Mia waved, and the boat drifted away.</p>
<p>Felix watched her go, then headed back inside.</p>
<p>Everyone was full and happy.Those who planned to drive home the next day turned in earlier, and those staying longer sat up to talk.Felix was glad of the extra guest rooms and that the friends that were sleeping might not be disturbed by chatter.</p>
<p>Eventually, though, everyone decided that it had been a good day and that it was time for bed.Sylvain smiled brightly and thanked everyone, and disappeared to the room that had been designated as his ever since the Fortress had been completed ten years ago.</p>
<p>Felix got dressed for bed, himself, leaving the door ajar as he always did, for the cats to come and go as they pleased.Spinach Puff hadn't chosen Felix's room as his base of operations, so his whereabouts were a mystery, but Estoc had spent the day hiding out on top of Felix's bedspread.He laid down and let her curl up on his chest.Felix stroked her and watched the door.</p>
<p>It was about half an hour before Felix's suspicions that Sylvain was not as fine as he'd said he was were confirmed, and his door slowly opened on the silhouette of his oldest friend.</p>
<p>"Fe, you awake?" Sylvain called, his voice soft.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix answered."Come on in."</p>
<p>He sat up, gathering Estoc in his arms, and Sylvain padded closer, to sit in the middle of the bed.Felix dumped Estoc into Sylvain's lap, then adjusted his position so he was cross-legged beside his friend.</p>
<p>"Hope I didn't wake you up."</p>
<p>"No, I was awake," Felix said.It was only because he'd been worrying about Sylvain, but no one needed to know that."What's up?"</p>
<p>Sylvain seemed reluctant to touch Estoc."I think I'm going to die."</p>
<p>"Not without me," Felix said.</p>
<p>Sylvain's laugh was thin."I might throw up."</p>
<p>"Not without me," Felix repeated.He reached for his phone on the nightstand, pulling it closer."Was it the call?" </p>
<p>Sylvain nodded wordlessly, then, "What if he knows where I am?"</p>
<p>Miklan called Sylvain every year on his birthday.It was Gautier tradition since their oldest son had been kicked out.While it was better than Sylvain having to actually <em>see</em> his brother on his birthday, it always played out the same.</p>
<p>"Then I'll protect you," Felix said.It was simple.To prove it, he twisted where he sat, leaning over the edge of the bed to rummage underneath it.His fingers closed around the sheath of an old sword.It wasn't one of his better ones, but it was real enough and could slice through cantaloups with ease.Sitting up straight, Felix laid the weapon down across his lap.</p>
<p>"Do you want me to call Ingrid, too?"</p>
<p>"Felix, what the fuck," Sylvain said, but he smiled despite his trembling.</p>
<p>"All of us will defend you."</p>
<p>"That's what I'm scared of, though."Sylvain put his head in his hands."What if that gets you hurt?What if--"</p>
<p>"He can't," Felix said."He's not here, now.He made his call, he's probably already blackout drunk and forgotten the date."</p>
<p>"I guess," Sylvain said, hugging himself."And I know--I know!But I'm still--" he inhaled loudly."My chest--I think I'm dying right now."</p>
<p>"I'm calling Ingrid, is that okay?"</p>
<p>"Okay," Sylvain whispered.</p>
<p>One handed, Felix sent a brief text to Ingrid, then inched a little closer and let his hand hover over Sylvain's shaking shoulder."Is this okay?"</p>
<p>Wordlessly, Sylvain nodded.Felix rubbed Sylvain's shoulder, and back, as his friend curled forward, hugging his stomach but still not touching Estoc.</p>
<p>Felix heard footsteps in the hall."I'm going to make sure that you don't die, okay?"</p>
<p>A shadow appeared in the door, making Sylvain jump.</p>
<p>"It's just Ingrid," Felix said, trying to be soothing."She's here to help."</p>
<p>"Hey," Ingrid called, her voice soft."How is everything?"</p>
<p>"Not great," Sylvain admitted.</p>
<p>At that, Ingrid crossed the room and sat down on Sylvain's other side.She hugged his shoulders, her fingers bumping against Felix's.Leaning her head on Sylvain's right shoulder, she sighed.</p>
<p>"We're both here."</p>
<p>"Thank you," Sylvain whispered.</p>
<p>They were quiet, except for Sylvain's loud breathing.He inhaled shakily, and Felix tried to match the movement of his hand to it, then draw it into something a little calmer.Felix reached his other hand to Sylvain's lap, searching out Estoc in an attempt to get her purring.Gradually, Sylvain settled into a steadier rhythm.</p>
<p>"It was all just the same as every year," Sylvain said in a whisper."I don't know why it's got me like this."</p>
<p>"He's got no creativity," Felix said, and Ingrid said, "Because what he says is awful."</p>
<p>"I shouldn't have answered," Sylvain said.</p>
<p>Felix wasn't going to say that he'd told him so."He shouldn't have called."</p>
<p>"I just--think I--" Sylvain shuddered, "I can put up with it.He needs to get that out.It's fine.And if I hadn't answered he might have--who knows."</p>
<p>"It's not fine," Ingrid said.</p>
<p>"None of it is anything you deserved," Felix said."You aren't responsible for him."</p>
<p>Ingrid nodded against Sylvain's shoulder."Do you need anything?Tea, or something to hold?"</p>
<p>Sylvain swallowed."No.But maybe--" he peeled one arm from himself and reached for Ingrid.She took his hand.</p>
<p>"We're always with you," Ingrid told him.</p>
<p>"<em>Don't</em> say you don't deserve us," Felix said, before Sylvain could speak.</p>
<p>Sylvain ducked his head."Okay, okay.Thanks for reading my mind.Sorry for making you boost me up every year."</p>
<p>"Don't apologize, either," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Yeah, we love you," Ingrid said."You know that."</p>
<p>"We love you," Felix repeated, in a whisper.He didn't know what he would do without Sylvain.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Sylvain breathed.</p>
<p>It wasn't easy to reassure him, to extinguish the fear and guilt he felt from that one call--and his parents hadn't even sent him a birthday message--but Felix and Ingrid were willing to sit up with Sylvain as long as it took. </p>
<p>Gradually, Sylvain's breathing evened out more, and his hand joined Felix's in slowly smoothing across Estoc's silky fur.Softly, Sylvain said that he'd been really happy, for the most part, with how his birthday had turned out.They quietly agreed and talked about their friends and the game, until they were all tired and stiff from sitting up.It was then that the three friends lay down, continuing to murmur reassurances and memories of happy things.Felix lay on his side and listened, and watched, until he was certain that Sylvain had fallen asleep.Only then did he, too, close his eyes and let himself relax.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh hell yeah this chapter is over i thought i was cursed. had like a Month of reduced focus and 2nd guessing myself but we're crawling out of that into the better writing zone. still, i wrote this chapter in disordered chunks i hope it's legible or whatever<br/>regrettably there are more group scenes in my future. haha yay</p>
<p>so originally the plan was for Felix and Lorenz to be 2nd cousins but you know what's Funnier AND makes me Sad for Rodrigue? them being literally first cousins. so Mama Fraldarius was the sister of Count Gloucester. i suppose i could've fit that in to the chapter itself but this was hard enough to hammer into shape as it was.</p>
<p>i know where Miklan fits into the eh-u now but he is Not going to appear and hopefully not be mentioned again. bastard.</p>
<p>chapter title and summary lyrics are from 'Wild Heart' by Daughtry. their album 'Baptized' is terrific by the way do listen if you're feeling sentimental.</p>
<p>Edit: i forgot to add that i finally made an 'official abridged' <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/29U8aRn4kjgPnZpaLdFk6m?si=66bfc5804ba04a2a">playlist</a> if you're interested</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0063"><h2>63. hello out there, we're on the air</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hell freezes over</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Oh, wait," Mia said, as her dad began flicking through the stations."It's hockey night--that's the game.Felix is there!We can see Dimitri."</p>
<p>It had been a week since Sylvain's birthday, and that meant it had been six days since Mia had dared to swim in the far-too-cold lake at the birthday boy's insistence, and five days since she had kissed Felix on the deck of the Fortress before they embarked on the journey home.It had been four days of packing jewellery orders and messaging back and forth with Bernadetta about writing, while trying to figure out a plot for the upcoming November.</p>
<p>"Dimitri?" Mr. Cecile said, disgusted."Is he a <em>Leafs fan?</em>"</p>
<p>Mia shook her head."No, he <em>is</em> a <em>Leaf</em>.Captain <em>Leaf</em>.He's Felix's friend who took Llamaface, and he might win."</p>
<p>"The <em>Leafs </em>aren't going to win," Mr. Cecile scoffed.You didn't have to be a hockey fan to have strong opinions about the <em>Toronto Maple Leafs</em>.</p>
<p>"Maybe, but I want to see if we can spot Felix.And if they <em>do</em> win, we can say we saw it and that Dimitri Blaiddyd adopted one of our barn cats," Mia explained.</p>
<p>"Fine," Mr. Cecile said.</p>
<p>"We don't have to watch the whole game, just bits," Mia said.</p>
<p>That comforted Mr. Cecile.It did, Mia, as well.She really didn't care about hockey, but she did want to be able to say to Felix, and his friends, that she'd at least seen some of the big game.</p>
<p>Mr. Cecile put the channel back to the game, which was yet to begin.</p>
<p>As soon as he had, Mia realized that there was absolutely no way she would be able to see Felix in the crowd.The Scotiabank Arena was packed full, and why wouldn't it be?The <em>Leafs</em> were playing for the Stanley Cup on home ice.They hadn't had a shot at winning in decades.The moment was <em>now</em>.These die hard fans had been waiting all their lives for it.</p>
<p>Mia hoped, for Dimitri, that their wishes would come true.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Felix sat on Ingrid's left, and Sylvain on her right.They balanced drinks, snacks, and flags on their laps, all three wearing team jerseys bearing Dimitri's name and number on the backs.Felix watched the empty ice and listened to the roar of the stands.There were <em>so many people</em> here.He hated it, but he was almost too excited about the game to care. </p>
<p>They were close to the ice, near the middle of the rink, which meant they had a great view of both nets.Felix glanced up at the time on the big, empty scoreboard.He wondered how Dimitri was feeling, preparing for the game.He had admitted to some nerves, but mostly excitement.This was his dream, and to take home a win for the <em>Leafs</em> would mean the world to him.He said, quite often, that he was doing it for his father, but Felix knew that Dimitri loved the game and the team and wanted it for himself, too.</p>
<p>"I wonder what Sweetpea's telling them," Sylvain said, loudly, across Ingrid's lap.</p>
<p>At her feet, Ingrid's huge game-day purse was stuffed with illicit treats, and she was already tearing into a bag of pretzels. </p>
<p>"They're probably trying to bribe the team with flowers," Felix guessed, remembering being told to send Mia flowers.He had yet to do so, but now was really not the time to file that away for future plans."Making flower crowns?"</p>
<p>"Well, you know them best," Sylvain said, as Ingrid scoffed through a mouthful of pretzel.</p>
<p>"I don't think <em>Sweetpea</em> even knows Sweetpea," Felix said.Ridiculous though the nickname was, it was even weirder to be the only person calling them 'Byleth', so he had swallowed his pride and joined the nonsense.</p>
<p>"They're a good coach," Ingrid protested."Dimitri swears by them.They aren't going to talk about flowers."</p>
<p>"You've never driven them anywhere," Felix pointed out."But yeah."</p>
<p>Sylvain stuck his hand into the bag of pretzels, heedless of the dark look that momentarily passed over Ingrid's face.</p>
<p>"It's polite to ask first," she muttered, and Felix only heard because he was leaning close.</p>
<p>"Sweetpea's always got good strategy," Sylvain said, crunching.</p>
<p>The three of them discussed players and plays, until the players came onto the ice to a roar of cheering.Then came the anthem, and then the players got into position, and anticipation hung in the air.Felix leaned forward in his seat, watching the referee in between the two teams.</p>
<p>With a shrill note of the referee's whistle, the puck dropped.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Mia's attention was divided between the frenzied scraping of hockey sticks and the sea of blue and white in the stands.If she could spot Sylvain's red hair, then she might be able to see Felix--but the camera panned too quickly and she gave up in favour of trying to figure out which of the players was Dimitri.</p>
<p>The announcers were helpful once she began listening, so when Mia was sure of which one he was, she pointed and said, "I know him!"</p>
<p>He skated down the ice, chasing the puck, unrecognizable in his helmet and jersey.When another player tried to intercept him he threw them off, bodily crashing them aside with one shoulder. </p>
<p>
  <em>"And the Boar is making a breakaway--"</em>
</p>
<p>"The Boar?" Mr. Cecile asked.</p>
<p>"I guess that's one of his nicknames," Mia explained."Boars are big.They crash through things?"</p>
<p>Mr. Cecile nodded."Mm."</p>
<p>"But he's very nice in person," Mia clarified, as Dimitri crashed into another player, unfazed. </p>
<p>
  <em>"--no sign of the Prince, today--"</em>
</p>
<p>Mia snorted, remembering Dimitri's other nickname.Felix had tried to explain hockey strategy to her, as well as some of Sweetpea's goal of getting Dimitri to play less brutally, but apparently that wasn't the plan for tonight.</p>
<p>"Those hockey players get paid too much.Why aren't you dating <em>him</em>?"</p>
<p>"Because I was already dating Felix when I met him," Mia said, shaking her head.As if she knew anything about dating.She was lucky Felix had been just as unsure as she was.</p>
<p>Dimitri made a shot on net, but the opposing goalie caught the puck in his glove.The stands went from anticipated cheering to rowdier shouts of disappointment.</p>
<p>"It's not like you're <em>married</em> to him," Mr. Cecile commented.He flicked the channel to one that was playing a <em>Jason Bourne</em> movie.</p>
<p>"I'm not dumping Felix for Dimitri," Mia protested. </p>
<p>Mr. Cecile stared at the tv, mesmerized by Matt Damon walking down a crowded Paris street.With great effort, he tore himself from his trance, "Why not?"</p>
<p>"Because I don't want to," Mia said."I l--we have so much in common," she added, her heart skipping.</p>
<p>Her dad made a non-committal sound, surrendering to the call of the movie.Mia sighed, leaning back and closing her eyes.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Felix stood up to shout as the puck flew past where they sat.Dimitri tore after it, and passed it to a teammate.Neither team had gotten in a goal yet, and the first period was close to ending. </p>
<p>"Go, go!" Felix yelled, well aware that not even Sylvain, and possibly not even Ingrid right beside him, could hear him--let alone Dimitri on the ice.Dimitri swerved past the opposing team's defence.He reached out with his stick to catch the puck.Felix was on his feet, as was probably every fan in the arena.</p>
<p>Dimitri wound up and shot the puck at the net.The goalie jumped--one of the opposing defencemen crashed into Dimitri, too late.</p>
<p>Behind the goalie, the red light flashed and the whole stadium erupted into a roar.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Mr. Cecile had flicked through the stations a few times that night, but was mostly stuck between <em>Bourne</em> and a western on a different station.The few times he'd scrolled past the <em>CBC</em>, the score had been unchanged.</p>
<p>"Let's check up on the game?" Mia suggested, when even the ads on the <em>Bourne</em> station had enthralled her dad.</p>
<p>He took the long way, scrolling up until the channels cycled back to hockey.</p>
<p>"Two-one?" Mia read."Oh no!"It was nearly the end of the second period already, and the <em>Leafs </em>were down.It was not too much of a surprise, but she was sad for Dimitri.</p>
<p>"This way they can charge more for tickets and hats next year but an American team still wins," Mr. Cecile explained.For someone with no use for hockey he really did have a lot of 'knowledge' about it.</p>
<p>"Oh, look!They're skating faster," Mia said, hearing the announcers were also getting more excited.A player in a blue and white jersey had grabbed the puck and was skating fast to the opposing net.They passed, crossing the blue line.Dimitri had control of the puck--he sent it to a teammate, who was moving fast enough that none of their opponents was ready to stop him from making a shot on net.</p>
<p>The puck slid inside, just below the goalie's guard.</p>
<p>The stadium and announcers erupted into excitement.Mia laughed, trying to imagine Felix somewhere in the crowd, which was chanting and waving jerseys, signs, and flags around. </p>
<hr/>
<p>The third period was almost too intense to watch.Both teams kept making shots on nets, and both goalies were determined to block each one.Felix's feet were cold and his throat was hoarse but the thought of leaving or shutting up did not even cross his mind.Beside him, Ingrid's snacks rested forgotten in her bag.</p>
<p>Across from them, the coaches stood by their teams and watched the game.Sweetpea stood straight, their gaze unwavering as they tracked the movement of the puck.They'd called for a timeout at the start of the period and the team was playing differently now, almost lazily, like they were wasting time and saving their energy for something.</p>
<p>Glancing up, Felix saw that there were just five minutes left of the period.</p>
<p>"Felix look!" Ingrid grabbed his hand, clutching his fingers so tight that it hurt.She had Sylvain in her right hand, and he didn't even seem to notice it."There they go!Dimitri!Go!"</p>
<p>Dimitri passed to a teammate on the other side of the rink.The puck was intercepted and the other team began carrying it towards the <em>Leafs' </em>net--only to steal it back. </p>
<p>The entire atmosphere of the arena had shifted.Felix breathed in deep, and held it as the <em>Leafs</em> passed back and forth, racing to the other net. </p>
<p>"Yes!" Felix yelled."Yes!"</p>
<p>He could see Dimitri was in position, that once the puck was passed to him he would have an easy shot on net.Ingrid yanked his hand--and Sylvain's--to her chest, holding them pinned together.She jumped up and down, shouting.</p>
<p>The crowd roared and Felix could feel the sound vibrating in his chest.It was happening, they were really going to do it--</p>
<p>Dimitri's teammate passed him the puck--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Now the final flick,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>of a hockey stick,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>and one gigantic scream:</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"THE PUCK IS IN! THE HOME TEAM WINS!"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>At the good old hockey game</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i have never been to a hockey game nor do i know anything about the sport outside of what you'd see in a Corner Gas episode so please forgive any inaccuracies</p>
<p>askjdgh IS it even possible to watch the finals on like. standard airwaves cbc?? or does it go to one of those fancy cable networks for that? not my problem.</p>
<p>and like. once again, i do not wish to offend the Leafs but i DO find it very funny to hear:<br/>Leaf's fan (derogatory)</p>
<p>the title and the lyrics at the end of the chapter are from 'The Hockey Song' by Stompin' Tom Connors!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0064"><h2>64. you were my favourite hockey card</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>okay remember when the Raptors won basketball that year? not sure how the response was outside of a certain radius of Toronto but within it there was unfiltered chaos for at least a week and a half? imagine if the Leafs actually Did win hockey. </p><p>this chapter doesn't really explore that but. imagine.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix woke up in his bed in Toronto, groggy, slow, and not feeling rested at all.Estoc was not there to greet him, but judging by how light it was that wasn't surprising.She'd obviously found someone else from whom she could demand breakfast and attention.</p><p>Sitting up, Felix remembered with a start that the cats were at <em>home</em>, back in Ailell, and that Mia was going over that morning to feed them.He was at his dad's, after celebrating Dimitri's win the night before.</p><p>With a stretch and after running his fingers through his tangled hair, Felix got out of bed and dressed in an old <em>Leafs</em> hoodie that was two sizes too big for him.It was probably too warm for that, or would be soon, but the house was cool and he was still sleepy enough for that to bother him.He tugged his hair back and picked the elastic from last night off the dresser.</p><p>Felix drudged his way downstairs and put the coffee on.He could hear Ingrid and Sylvain in the other room, and when they heard sounds from the kitchen, Sylvain appeared in the doorway.</p><p>"Morning!" he declared.</p><p>Felix shook his head and picked out a mug.</p><p>"Guess I could've put that on," Sylvain said, of the coffee."I'm so out of it."</p><p>Not likely--he looked as put-together as always and it would have been irritating if Felix wasn't exhausted, himself.He rocked his weight from one foot to the other, holding his cup with both hands.</p><p>"Look at you, grinning away," Sylvain observed.</p><p>"Shut up," Felix said, but he was, in fact, grinning, and must have been since getting up.He turned to face his friend, attempting to school his face to at least a neutral expression."How's this?Better?"</p><p>"Nah, lips still kinda quirking up.You just look like you're about to burst out giggling."</p><p>Felix shrugged and leaned back, waiting for the first cup of coffee to make it through the machine."I guess it can't be helped, then.I don't even care.We did it."</p><p>"'We'," Sylvain said, making annoying little air quotes.</p><p>"It was a team effort," Felix said, although it obvious.</p><p>Sylvain laughed and waited until Felix had snuck a cup and had one sip of coffee, before chattering about the night before, the best plays and saves and what he'd been thinking.They joined Ingrid on the couch--she was smiling into her tea, in spite of her dark circles and barely-brushed hair.</p><p>"We're not going to be able to do that big housewarming with Dimitri for weeks," Sylvain said eventually.</p><p>"Who's housewarming?" Felix asked.</p><p>Sylvain elbowed him, nearly causing him to spill his remaining coffee."Yours, my sleep-deprived friend!You said you'd have everyone over who didn't help move, to see the house.Once Dimitri was free."</p><p>"Oh," Felix said, frowning."I guess I did."</p><p>Ingrid snickered."Don't tell us you were lying when you said that?"</p><p>"No, I want to," Felix admitted."He's probably more excited about seeing my dingy little cardboard box house than he is about winning the Stanley Cup."</p><p>"I wouldn't describe it as a dingy little cardboard box," Sylvain protested."It's cute--I mean--uh, it's cool, and mysterious and full of independence.Like something you'd find in--"</p><p>"Shut up," Felix said, fondly."You may call my dumb little house cute if you must."</p><p>Sylvain leaned forward, hiding his laugh behind his fist."It's cute!It's a really cute house."</p><p>Felix watched him, offering neither sympathy or assistance when Sylvain spilled lukewarm tea on his jeans. </p><p>"Hm," came a tired voice from the door leading to the hall.Felix turned where sat, to see the old man looking like he'd been run over by a bus.</p><p>"Sh--Sorry, did we wake you up?" Felix asked.</p><p>Rodrigue shook his head.He looked droopy."Been up since five getting the schedule ready for--there's going to be a parade," he said, the picture of distress."We've got to work with local--"</p><p>"It's okay," Felix said."Stop thinking.Tea?"</p><p>"Stronger," Rodrigue said.He did not move.</p><p>Felix exchanged a look with Ingrid and Sylvain, and got up to get a cup of coffee for his dad.He returned to see that the old man had collapsed into a chair like the swooning mother of a Jane Austen heroine.</p><p>"I cut it enough that it won't erode anything," Felix said, offering his old man the coffee.</p><p>"Felix, thank you." Rodrigue accepted the drink and seemed to melt into the chair.</p><p>"When did you get in?" Felix asked.</p><p>Rodrigue shook his head, holding the cup in front of his nose."Three."</p><p>"You slept two hours?" Felix asked."You're too old for this."</p><p>"Hmm, I'm not going to argue that."</p><p>Felix scoffed and sat back down in between Ingrid and Sylvain, in time to watch Rodrigue take his first sip and fail to hide his disgust.</p><p>"Problem?" Felix asked.</p><p>"No, nothing," Rodrigue said.He took another sip, and groaned.Felix gave him a pointed look, and the old man admitted, sheepishly, "Miss Cecile was right.This does taste like poison."</p><p>Felix tipped his head back."My own father," he lamented.</p><p>Ingrid grabbed Felix's mug and had a sip from the opposite side."Eugh!Felix, this is disgusting.I second that.Third it?This is poison."</p><p>Before Felix could snatch his coffee back, Sylvain swooped in to steal it.He had a big slurp.</p><p>"Nasty!And not in the fun way," Sylvain added."I fourth the poison verdict."</p><p>"You're all just weak," Felix snapped. </p><p>"Everyone deserves a vice I guess," Sylvain said, winking.He passed the cup back to Felix, who wiped the rim with the end of his sleeve.</p><p>In a testament to how beat he was, Rodrigue didn't even seem to notice."Have any of you seen the bastard?"</p><p>Sylvain coughed into his mug, spilling more tea.</p><p>"Not yet.Did you feed him already?" Felix knew the answer had to be 'yes', or Angie would have been gnawing on their ankles.</p><p>"He's eaten.Now he's biding his time," Rodrigue said, perhaps not realizing how ominous that sounded.</p><p>The cat in question surfaced a few minutes later, sitting in the doorway to the kitchen and just staring at Rodrigue.By then, talk had returned to the myriad of celebrations and security complications that would be happening in the next few days.</p><p>"You're not going to be any use out there today," Felix warned.</p><p>Rodrigue laughed."For once I agree with you.No, I just need to finish up a few administrative duties and then I have the rest of the day off."</p><p>"You better spend it sleeping, old man," Felix said.</p><p>Rodrigue flapped his hand absently at Felix, wearing a tired--but warm--smile on his face.</p>
<hr/><p>Mia drove to Felix's again on Monday morning, to feed Estoc and Spinach Puff.With much of the city celebrating, getting into or out of Toronto was more hassle than it was worth, especially when Rodrigue's house was available and comfortable.As far as Mia was aware, Ingrid was staying there, too, and Leonie and Marianne were taking care of her horse and other stable duties in her absence.</p><p>Felix had loaned her the spare key, which had been without a keyring at all.She'd taken the liberty of adding one, and a wire sword she'd made as practice months ago.</p><p>He had also given her detailed instructions for how much to feed the cats, and left a reminder on the counter next to the bin of cat food.It had made Mia laugh to see--although he trusted her more than the neighbours with this task, he needed to be sure that the cats were fed the <em>proper</em> amount. </p><p>Unlocking the door, Mia slipped inside.It was already getting warmer outside, but the house's interior was comfortable.</p><p>"Hey guys," she called."It's me again."</p><p>Spinach Puff barrelled into view, stopping at the top of the steps to meow at her to hurry up and feed them.</p><p>"Yes, yes, I'm on it, let me get my shoes off first."</p><p>Estoc peered around from the hall, her eyes enormous.</p><p>"Sorry, just me," Mia said.Estoc looked scandalized by the intrusion.Clearly it was <em>Mia's</em> fault that Estoc's favourite person was never ever coming back to her.Spinach Puff, on the other hand, was happy to greet Mia and let her pick him up for a quick cuddle--before wriggling to signal his need to get down and get <em>food</em>.</p><p>Laughing, Mia followed the cats to the kitchen and measured out the exact amount of kibble that each animal required.Spinach Puff wound around her legs while Estoc screamed at her from about a metre away.When she placed their dishes down, the cats began gobbling their breakfast.Estoc grumbled, like she expected Spinach Puff or Mia to steal her hard-earned meal.</p><p>As the cats crunched away, Mia leaned back against the counter.Although the kitchen faced west, light still poured in from outside.The little garland of swords above the sink was bright and shiny.It made Mia smile to see, a piece of herself in this place that was beginning to smell of cats and of Felix.</p><p>It was strange to be here, alone, in his space.Then again, with the cats, she wasn't exactly alone, and somehow, she didn't feel too strange, either.She wished that he were there, of course, but she was also happy knowing that he was in the city with his friends and his father, celebrating something wonderful and important to them.</p><p>Mia ran her fingertip, lightly, back and forth along her lips.And she smiled.</p><p>She smiled about the times he'd 'protected' her, whether from a scene in a movie she couldn't handle seeing, or when she was too upset to sleep.She smiled about the cats--Spinach Puff and Estoc living at complete ease with one another.She smiled about Felix's voice joining hers.She smiled about her little swords joining his collection.She smiled about his friends and how kind they were.</p><p>The night before, she'd almost put into words the way she felt--casually, without any thought to it.She meant it, she felt it.While it wasn't what she'd expected, it was strong and she wanted to hold on to that feeling until she died.</p><p>Spinach Puff finished eating first, perhaps because he was not also busy snarling at non-existent kibble-thieves.He licked the crumbs from his dish, pushing it across the mat with a low scraping sound.</p><p>Tipping her head back, Mia thought about whispering the words into Felix's space, letting them hang there on her breath to greet him when he returned.She nearly did, but it didn't seem right to say it, when he wasn't there.She could wait.</p>
<hr/><p>Felix was glad to be home, on Monday evening.The cats greeted him, Estoc practically climbing into his arms before he'd fully closed the inner door behind him.He hoisted her up and let her rub her cheeks all over his face.</p><p>"Okay, okay," Felix laughed."Did Mia take good care of you?Did you behave like I asked you to?"</p><p>Spinach Puff stood at his feet, swivelling his ears.</p><p>"No?Estoc--what a bad girl," he said, tone no less affectionate than before.He held most of her weight in one arm, and stroked her ears with his other hand."Such a diva, what a perfect little monster."</p><p>It was gibberish, but with no danger of being overheard, there was nothing to stop him from continuing to talk to his cats, even after setting Estoc down and getting his shoes off, and climbing the steps with his bag of clothes.He had a mountain of laundry waiting for him.While it was perhaps a little late, he still felt restless from driving and the change in scenery, so he threw in a load and poured himself a drink while he waited for it to be done.</p><p>Sitting on his couch, the sky outside still bright, Felix sighed.Estoc found her way to his lap to catch up on snuggles, while Spinach Puff rubbed against his legs before resuming his place at the front window. </p><p>"Home again," Felix said, softly.</p>
<hr/><p>The next afternoon found him with his teenaged pupils.They were still learning the basics, and Felix had assigned Thursdays as hand-to-hand days for Eirika's benefit and their father's peace of mind.She and Ephraim both enjoyed it.Clearly, they enjoyed all of it, because they kept coming back.Felix grumbled that maybe he <em>should</em> be asking for compensation, if only in the form of much-needed alcohol, but he was secretly impressed by their dedication.</p><p>"I think you're good for today," Felix said, looking up at the sky.He wished he had a tree to offer some shade.If they wanted to learn throughout the summer, it would have to be in the early mornings, before the air heated up and while the shadow of the house still covered the grass.Felix thought of dew and crinkled his nose.</p><p>"I think we're getting better," Ephraim said, holding his practice blade in two hands and swinging it rather low to the ground.</p><p>"I'll be the judge of that," Felix said.</p><p>"Well?" Ephraim demanded.</p><p>Felix let out a small huff."You've improved some.Still need to learn to keep quiet.You play hockey, don't you?"</p><p>Ephraim hastily let his left hand release the handle of the sword."Yeah.Why?"</p><p>Felix ran his eyes along the wooden blade.It wasn't <em>likely</em> to break, but he could remember the way Dimitri had been holding their plastic swords as children.Hopefully this was different.</p><p>"One of my oldest friends is a hockey player.He held a blade the same way--like a hockey stick."</p><p>"Ah," Ephraim said, relaxing a little."Does he play professionally?"</p><p>"Oooh," Eirika chimed in, "Maybe he plays for the <em>Leafs</em>!"She drew out the last word, clearly with the intent to annoy her twin.</p><p>It succeeded in tinging his ears pink, but Ephraim still looked at Felix expectantly.</p><p>"Yeah, in fact he does," Felix said.The pride he'd felt since Saturday night wasn't going away anytime soon."Dimitri Blaiddyd."</p><p>Ephraim dropped his sword, and his jaw."What!What the fuck!How?"</p><p>"Ephraim has a crush on Dimitri Blaiddyd," Eirika explained.</p><p>"Eirika, shut up!Can I meet him?"</p><p>Felix regretted saying anything.He opted for trying to sound indifferent."You don't even know if I'm telling the truth."</p><p>"<em>Are you?</em>" Ephraim practically yelled.</p><p>"Maybe," Felix said.</p><p>"Come <em>on</em>," Ephraim whined."You're such an asshole."</p><p>"Don't forget it," Felix snapped."Yes I know him.Our dads were close, so I've known him all my life."</p><p>Ephraim's face morphed into pure joy again."So can I meet him?I promise I won't tell anyone, I get about privacy and stuff and--"</p><p>"Oh," Eirika said, "please let them meet.I <em>need</em> to see Eph embarrass himself in front of Blaiddyd."</p><p>Someone would be embarrassing, Felix thought, but it wasn't necessarily going to be Ephraim."I suppose I can tell him my fencing student is a fan," Felix said."It's up to him, though."</p><p>If Dimitri agreed, then he could say hello when everyone was down for the big 'housewarming' party--which would make an easy excuse for not lingering too long.While it wasn't likely for Dimitri to decline, Felix imagined he could still get something signed for the twins if that were the case.</p><p>"Of course," Ephraim said, seriously."I <em>won't</em> be embarrassing, I swear. </p><p>"And what about you?I don't want anyone to think I'm favouring him of all people," Felix asked Eirika, pointing off-hand in her brother's general direction.</p><p>"Me?Like I said, I want to watch Ephraim make a fool of himself."</p><p>Felix stifled a laugh."That's fair."</p><p>"But I'd also like to meet your cats?Please," Eirika said.</p><p>She'd been putting so much effort into her practice that Felix couldn't bring himself to tell her 'no', but he also remembered what Ingrid had said about entering people's houses."If it's all right by your dad," he said.</p><p>"You've had plenty of chances to slit our throats," Ephraim said."Our dad trusts you enough to teach us."</p><p>"Text him anyway," Felix said, not wanting to get in trouble with his neighbour."So he knows where you are.But you're not staying long."</p><p>"Right," Eirika said."That's responsible."</p><p>"Don't forget it," Felix said.</p><p>Eirika looked up from her phone and grinned.</p><p>The twins followed Felix inside, and he directed them where to put their swords.Because he didn't want to put on the show of calling the cats by name, Felix simply sought out the bag of treats in the cabinet and gave it a shake.</p><p>Spinach Puff appeared in an instant from the front room.He ignored the twins and looked up at Felix, swinging his tail expectantly.Estoc appeared shortly after, stopping in the doorway at the sight of the strangers.</p><p>"Estoc," Felix called quietly.</p><p>"Estoc?" Eirika repeated.</p><p>Felix explained the type of sword he'd named his cat after, and Estoc came closer.Felix offered them each a treat and placed the bag on the counter. </p><p>"What's the brown one's name?" Eirika asked.</p><p>Felix tilted his head back, embarrassed."Spinach Puff."</p><p>"That's so <em>cute</em>," Eirika said.</p><p>"So you named one cat after a two-handed, armour-piercing sword and the other one is <em>Spinach Puff?</em>" Ephraim clarified.</p><p>Eirika crouched to greet the cats.Felix passed her the bag of treats.</p><p>"Yeah," he said."Spinach Puff came with that name.I didn't care enough to change it."</p><p>"It's such a cute name," Eirika repeated.</p><p>Ephraim joined his sister in crouching on the kitchen floor, petting the cats and offering them treats.While Eirika was clearly the cat-person between the two, Ephraim was still respectful of the animals' boundaries, and also very happy to be petting them.Felix took the bag from the kids when he decided the cats had had enough.</p><p>"They're both so pretty and soft," Eirika said, standing up straight with a stretch.There, she caught sight of the little swords dangling over Felix's sink."Aw, these are so cute.Where'd you get them?"</p><p>Felix watched her, warily, as she reached out to gently brush a finger along one of the swords.She was careful, though, and the garland barely even swayed.</p><p>"My girlfriend made it," he grumbled, but not without some pride. </p><p>Both twins snapped around to stare at him, mouths agape."You've got a <em>girlfriend?</em>" Eirika asked.</p><p>"How?" Ephraim said.</p><p>Felix felt very vulnerable all of a sudden, and wished he could reach for one of his training swords propped up near the door.He realized he should have seen this coming, but it was too late to undo it now.</p><p>"Maybe," Felix said, knowing that the twins already knew that this meant 'yes'."It's not your business."</p><p>"Of course, sorry," Eirika said.And then, "So what else does she make?"</p><p>Felix shrugged."Jewellery, mostly.Wire things."</p><p>"Cool," Eirika said."Does she live around here?What's she like?"</p><p>"She's from Airmid.She's," Felix thought a bit, and remembered something Sylvain had said, "she's a lot like I am."</p><p>Ephraim snorted."Well that explains it."</p><p>"Does she teach classes?" Eirika asked, throwing her brother a glare.</p><p>Felix shook his head."No, and if she did it wouldn't be for free.She's not as charitable as I am," he added.</p><p>Eirika's eyes widened."Of course not!"</p><p>"Good.Now get out, I have things to do," Felix said, gathering Estoc in his arms.</p><p>The twins bustled to the door, thanking him for showing them his cats.Their tone suggested that they knew he wasn't <em>really</em> an asshole, but their speed in leaving told him that they were fine with him keeping up the charade.</p>
<hr/><p>Mia was glad to get another update from Felix, telling her about his students and how he'd let slip that he had a girlfriend.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> grl twn mght wnt wire lessons j a hds up</p><p><b>Mia:</b> oh? how did this come t pass?</p><p><b>Felix:</b> on visit cats s saw ur lttl wire swrds</p><p><b>Mia:</b> oh exposure so nice</p><p><b>Felix:</b> tld her u d nt d lessons</p><p><b>Felix:</b> nd if so nt free</p><p><b>Mia:</b> well not free</p><p><b>Mia:</b> hh i don't think i'd know how t give lesson</p><p><b>Felix:</b> so i charctreized u right</p><p><b>Felix:</b> id doubt her srsness bt thse kids are v srs</p><p><b>Mia:</b> doubt i'll ever even meet them. although</p><p><b>Mia:</b> we shld get together soon</p><p><b>Felix:</b> y id like that</p><p><b>Mia:</b> for that corner gas marathon ;)</p><p><b>Felix:</b> ah</p><p> </p><p>Before Mia could apologize and say that they'd only do the marathon if he wanted to, Felix had replied.</p><p> </p><p><b>Felix:</b> sure. fri maybe?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>smh teens really do think polearms are cooler than swords<br/>i love Eirika so much she's so gentle and kind but...she can be a little shit when she needs to</p><p>i'm trying to always have one chapter in reserve so that i'll have something to post on april 9. chapter 65 is like..76% completed as of my posting 64 so hopefully i can do a weekly update as opposed to the weird empty space that was february.</p><p>the title is from 'Cherry Popsicle' by Jann Arden and i thought it was cute.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0065"><h2>65. and that's why you can stay so long</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>(when there's not a lot goin' on)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Mia visited Felix, it typically went the same way.She would pull into his driveway to find him waiting, either sitting on his front steps or leaning against the wall by the driveway, and one of them would comment on the other's eagerness to see them.This time was no different, although Felix did worry that the neighbours might be watching him now that they knew he was involved in a relationship.</p>
<p>But it was a Friday, and they had yet to return home from school.Felix had no lessons scheduled with the twins on Fridays, which meant that this was the perfect day to have Mia over.Her masculine old farm truck, which was turning into the lane at that moment, would also deter suspicions about who was visiting.Felix <em>hoped</em> that even if the twins did suspect that he had his girlfriend over, that they wouldn't snoop.</p>
<p>All thoughts of that slipped his mind as Mia pulled into his driveway, her smile visible through the truck's windshield.</p>
<p>Leaving the wall, Felix was there at the door as Mia hopped down onto the driveway, a small tote bag swinging from her arm. </p>
<p>"Hi, Felix," she said."Happy to see me?"</p>
<p>Beat to the punch, Felix said, "I want to get this over with so you can stop pestering me about watching your show."</p>
<p>"Ha," Mia said."Well, I'm happy to see you."</p>
<p>"Me, too," Felix agreed, and leaned closer, questioning.When Mia nodded, he gave her a quick kiss, mostly shielded from view of the street by the truck and the wall of the house.</p>
<p>Humming, eyes closed, Mia rocked back on her heels."You beat me to it.I was going to congratulate you properly for your team winning."</p>
<p>"Oh?" Felix said.He looked over her head at the street.Quietly, he added, "You still can."</p>
<p>"Shush," Mia said, going pink."Listen to you."</p>
<p>It was all Felix had in him, so he ducked his head, embarrassed, and lightly took Mia's hand to lead her inside.</p>
<p>"So were the cats happy to see you?" Mia asked, as Felix considered forgoing the <em>Corner Gas</em> marathon entirely, to instead just sit outside behind the house.</p>
<p>He knew that Mia would not be swayed.</p>
<p>"They were.Spinach Puff tells me Estoc gave you a hard time."</p>
<p>"Oh did he?" Mia laughed."They were both sweeties.Estoc was just offended that I wasn't you."</p>
<p>Inside, Mia revealed that not only had she brought the first season of <em>Corner Gas</em>, but also some dark chocolate--one bar made with sea salt, the other with chili pepper.Felix looked at them doubtfully.</p>
<p>"It's worth trying, anyway," Mia said."I've never had the pepper one--but I <em>have</em> tried one with pink pepper<em>corn</em>, and that one's, hmm.It's a texture."</p>
<p>Felix crinkled his nose."Shouldn't they be crunchy?"</p>
<p>"You'd think," Mia said.She shook her head."They were kind of weirdly chewy, but crisp.You know how raisins get compared to houseflies a lot?And rightfully so--"</p>
<p>"Oh please stop," Felix said.</p>
<p>"--but these peppercorns gave the illusion of the fly's exoskeleton and everything."</p>
<p>Faking a retch, Felix lightly shoved her shoulder."And you think this is going to be better?"</p>
<p>"Well, I hope so," Mia said, brightly."Do you want your victory prize?"</p>
<p>"After the fly comment?" Felix asked, and Mia giggled, which made him smile.</p>
<p>"Should I brush my teeth first?Maybe floss in case there's any wings--"</p>
<p>Felix covered her mouth with his hand."Stop!"</p>
<p>Grabbing his wrist, Mia laughed, loud and hard."I'm sorry!"</p>
<p>"You don't sound very sorry," Felix said, grinning. </p>
<p>"I'll stop, I'll stop," she promised.And laughed some more.It sounded as good as her singing, and like her singing, Felix didn't think he could ever get enough of hearing it.<em>He'd done this</em>."Okay."Mia calmed herself."My champion."</p>
<p>"I wasn't on the ice, you know," Felix said, relishing the feel of her fingers still around his wrist.</p>
<p>Mia smiled and tilted her head."But you're on Dimitri's security team, so that's like, the closest thing."</p>
<p>"Maybe," Felix said.He would have been abysmal as a security guard on the day of the game.He'd been much too invested in the end result of the game, and hadn't envied either his father or Dedue their roles for the day.</p>
<p>"Definitely," Mia corrected him.</p>
<p>"I can't argue it," Felix said.</p>
<p>Cheeks red from laughing, Mia guided his hand to her lips and kissed the back of it.She looked at him through her eyelashes, then smiled like she had a secret.Felix desperately wanted to be in on it.He flushed as she kissed his wrist next, and then pressed her lips to a spot further up his arm, and then leaned up to do the same to his cheek.</p>
<p>"You're--" Felix began, but couldn't decide whether he found this behaviour cute or ridiculous or perfect.</p>
<p>"Mm?"Her face was so near to him, and Felix could count the freckles across the bridge of her nose, if he weren't momentarily trapped by the light fragments in her brown eyes.</p>
<p>"You're beautiful."</p>
<p>Mia squeaked, but had nowhere to hide and nothing to say.Felix knew he should feel a little embarrassed for just <em>saying</em> that out loud, but he meant it so much and there was no use in trying to deny it anymore.He wouldn't take back the words.</p>
<p>"I mean it," he said.He never wanted her to leave.He wanted her to be there in the morning when he woke up.</p>
<p>"Felix," Mia breathed.She searched his face, and then tilted her head back, eyes half-lidded.Felix leaned closer, until their noses touched, and then Mia met him in a kiss, gentle and quiet.It didn't feel like a trite victory celebration, it felt like soundless words, spoken against each other's lips.Felix's heart swelled and he felt like an idiot for taking so long to let himself look at this feeling directly. </p>
<p>No, taking their time had worked out just fine.When they parted, Felix still able to taste weak coffee on his lips, he couldn't think of anything else.</p>
<p>Blushing, looking away, Mia reached for the counter and slid one of the chocolate bars closer, to begin unwrapping it.Felix stepped a little bit out of her space and, finding Spinach Puff was looking up at the exciting wrapper sounds, reached down to pick up the cat.He backed further from the counter so that Puff would not be tempted by what he saw there.</p>
<p>"Oh, where can I find a dish or something?" Mia asked, her voice startling in the quiet kitchen. </p>
<p>"Uh, just up there," Felix said, pointing with Spinach Puff's paw.Mia laughed and opened the cabinet.</p>
<p>When her snacks were broken up into a single dish, she wrapped the foil around the remaining half of each chocolate bar and stuck those in Felix's fridge.He raised his eyebrows, but put down the cat and said nothing.He just hoped she'd remember to take them away--then again, if she left them, he would have something to offer her when she came back.</p>
<p>"All right, let's get you some culture," Mia said, bringing chocolate and DVDs with her to the front room.Felix set up the tv and slid the first disc into the machine, then joined Mia on the couch.He sat on her left, and she offered the dish of chocolate to him.</p>
<p>"Ugh, fine," he said, taking the smallest piece he could find.</p>
<p>"That's the one with salt," she told him.</p>
<p>Felix bit off a corner, and the sharp cocoa taste went into his nose, making him sneeze. </p>
<p>"Bless you," Mia said.</p>
<p>"No."Felix put the rest of the piece on his tongue.Now he could taste the salt, and it was pretty balanced with the rest of the flavours. </p>
<p>"What do you think?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>Felix shrugged."It's kind of sweet."</p>
<p>"Too much so?"</p>
<p>"I don't know.It's fine I guess."</p>
<p>Mia said that was good enough, and asked if he was ready for the one with peppers.Felix took a piece, and was happy that there wasn't a housefly texture when he bit into it.It was hardly spicy, but what heat there was made the sweetness more bearable, like a lot of hot sauces that he didn't mind.</p>
<p>"That's not bad," he said.</p>
<p>"Oh, good," Mia said.</p>
<p>"Play all, or episode selection?" Felix asked, pointing to the tv with the remote.</p>
<p>"Episode selection!I like seeing the titles and the chapter names," Mia explained.</p>
<p>Felix let out a low laugh."Okay."</p>
<p>The first episode was called <em>Ruby Reborn</em>, and Mia was already smiling brightly."It's so good."</p>
<p>"I trust you," Felix said.</p>
<p>The scene opened on a Saskatchewan view, and a little gas station, and Felix knew he'd seen <em>some</em> episodes of this.Mia, clearly, had seen all of them.Many times.</p>
<p>She began by saying, in unison with the show's main character, "There's <em>lots </em>to see.Nothing to block your view!"Felix was a little unnerved, but her brother's fiancee had said something about this being her experience with the Cecile family, so Felix just braced himself for more.</p>
<p>After some banter, the opening credits played, and Mia bobbed her head along to the song, but didn't sing. </p>
<p>Felix enjoyed the first episode, and Mia's intermittent commentary.'Wait for this' and 'Felix.Listen.'She laughed even though she knew each word and each space of quiet.The closing credits played, and then the DVD returned to the menu, where outdoor sounds, such as birdsong and the moo of a cow, played on loop.This made Spinach Puff look away from his window in confusion.Estoc was hiding out in her cat house, jealous of Mia.</p>
<p>"So, what did you think?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>"I liked it.I know I've seen some of it," Felix added."But it's funny."</p>
<p>"Sorry if I'm annoying during it," Mia said, sheepish.</p>
<p>Felix snorted."It's cute."</p>
<p>With a nervous laugh, Mia told him to put on the next episode, <em>Tax Man</em>."It's <em>even</em> better, and it's the first episode they filmed."</p>
<p>"Trivia, hm?"</p>
<p>"Yes, okay, I'm a <em>Corner Gas</em> geek, you got me.I'm a whatchamacallit.A Trekkie."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>Mia cackled."Oh, sorry, that one's from Season 2."</p>
<p>"Ah."Felix reached across Mia to the dish of chocolate on the side table--he wanted to try another piece of the kind with chili peppers.</p>
<p>He could <em>feel</em> how happy Mia was, watching her favourite show with him.It made him giddy, which was ridiculous.And the show <em>was</em> funny, in a laid-back, yet quick way.After the title guest had engaged in banter with the main character, Brent, the theme song played again.</p>
<p>
  <em>You'd think there's not a lot goin' on</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Look closer baby, you're so wrong</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And that's why you can stay so long</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When there's not a lot goin' on</em>
</p>
<p>Felix settled back, leaning slightly against Mia.She gave him a gentle headbutt, and Felix didn't care how long this marathon lasted, he was so happy to be with her.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Mia was so glad that Felix was enjoying himself.She knew how unlikely it was for him to humour her, so when he said that her trivia and quoting of the show was cute, it made her feel another huge surge of affection for him.His laughter was quiet, but as real as his smile, and Mia was so <em>glad</em>.</p>
<p>"I'm happy you're here," Felix said, as the credits wrapped up.</p>
<p>"Me, too," Mia agreed, and Felix blushed. </p>
<p>He leaned in and kissed her, lightly, before pressing his face into her shoulder.Half of his hair had fallen loose, smooth and shiny.The way he pressed his face against Mia's sleeve was almost shy, and she loved to be close to him like this, loved the way he looked and the way he talked and the way he'd put up with all her silliness today.She loved the way he hoarded swords like some kind of sword dragon and that he was teaching his neighbours for nothing.She loved the way he looked at her when she sang and when they kissed and each time he took her hand.She loved every moment she'd spent learning about him, every increment he'd opened up in.She wanted to keep doing this, learning and sharing and being with him.Her heart fluttered and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop herself from saying it--wouldn't dream of stopping herself.</p>
<p>Felix mumbled something into her neck that Mia couldn't quite make out, but made her smile anyway, the way his breath tickled her skin. </p>
<p>"I love you," Mia said.And it was like a weight was lifted.She'd been falling in love with him ever since she'd met him.</p>
<p>Felix sat up.His cheeks were red."You--you don't have to," he looked away, "to say it, just because I did."</p>
<p>Mia stared at him."You what?"</p>
<p>"You...didn't hear me?" Felix faced her again.</p>
<p>"You said you loved me?" Mia asked, incredulous."No!I didn't hear you!"</p>
<p>Felix's mouth was open.He looked almost like he was angry, but his face was flushed and he did a poor job of hiding his smile behind his hand."Oh my God.Fuck.Shit.Mia.I--I said it."</p>
<p>Felix loved her?Mia's hands twisted in her lap."And I said it, too."</p>
<p>"You said it," Felix agreed. </p>
<p>Neither of them knew what they were supposed to say <em>now</em>.</p>
<p>Mia finally broke the silence."I can't believe it was like this!"</p>
<p>Felix shook his head."You're right.So--I better do it properly."He turned his shoulders to face her more directly, and took her hand in both of his.He ran his thumb over her knuckles.His gaze was intense, though it flitted across her face. </p>
<p>Mia knew what he was going to say.She knew he already <em>had</em> said it, but the way he inhaled, expression as sober as a knight swearing fealty, threw her off-balance.Mia held her breath.</p>
<p>"I love you."</p>
<p>He made it sound like a deathbed confession.As if he was going off to battle and might never return.His brows were furrowed and he was so, so serious.Mia had to force herself to inhale, long and slow, so that she wouldn't let out an involuntary shriek of laughter.He meant it.He wanted her to know.But it was all so funny--first that they both said it at the same time without realizing it, second that he was being so <em>intense</em> about it, and third because Mia still had the <em>Corner Gas</em> theme playing on loop in her silly head.Dimly, in the background, she could hear a cow low on the DVD menu.</p>
<p>Felix's grip on her hand tightened, and he tilted his head away from her."I don't know what you saw in me, when we met.I still doubt that I'm actually worthy of hearing it back.But I'm grateful for all the time you've spent with me.I've been trying to improve myself--and I hope that someday it can be enough."</p>
<p>Mia didn't feel like laughing anymore.She thought she was probably blushing from her head to her toes.How could he say things like that?Mia was the one not good enough--although she was getting better at not feeling that way.She cupped his cheek with the hand he was not gripping and her heart stumbled when he leaned into the touch.</p>
<p>"I love you <em>now</em>," Mia said, unable to find the words she wanted, to reassure him.To say it made it feel like fire was breaking out across her face.When he looked at her, eyes dark and lips parted, the flames grew hotter.</p>
<p>"Mia," Felix breathed. </p>
<p>"And--it makes me sad that you might think you don't deserve it, or haven't done enough, because you've thrown yourself behind me ever since we met.Even when I was just a stranger singing, you told me--to keep doing it.And," Mia paused, upset at how choppy her words came out, "we're both always going to be changing.And I love you.And I've been falling in love with you this whole time."</p>
<p>She felt light-headed, and out of breath, and then Felix lifted her hand and kissed it.</p>
<p>And kissed it.</p>
<p>Mia let herself fall forward into him, laughing to release the pressure of so many emotions building up in her whole body.Felix caught her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close while she laughed into his chest.The smell of him surrounded her, safe and familiar.</p>
<p>"Mia," Felix said, sounding helpless.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Mia laughed."I'm just--" she was overwhelmed, she was relieved to have said it aloud, she was grateful that he had said it <em>back</em>, she was trying to think of ways to convince him that she meant it "--I'm happy.Are you happy?"</p>
<p>Exhaling across her back, Felix nodded against her shoulder."Yeah.Yeah, I'm really happy."</p>
<p>Mia let out another bubble of laughter, curling her fingers against his t-shirt."Good."</p>
<p>"I think," Felix said, and cleared his throat, "I think the day I picked up Spinach Puff, was the day I wanted--for you to like me.To want me.I don't--feel attraction easily, but I wanted to know you better, and I wanted you to know me.Seeing you up North--you didn't seem real.But seeing you in Airmid, with the cats and your friends," he trailed off."I didn't want to go without knowing I'd see you again."</p>
<p>"You made me promise Spinach Puff I'd visit," Mia remembered.</p>
<p>"I felt so stupid."</p>
<p>"It was sweet," Mia said.</p>
<p>Felix clicked his tongue."You looked me in the eye and promised the cat you'd visit."</p>
<p>"And I still managed to convince myself that that wasn't a date," Mia said, moving with the intention of sitting up--she stopped partway, with Felix's hands still on her back."Even after you held my hand through the whole movie.And never said otherwise to the Shepherds."</p>
<p>"They're your friends, that was your job," Felix protested. </p>
<p>Mia snorted, and curled her legs underneath her."We actually had no idea we were dating for like, two whole months, huh?"</p>
<p>"I remember doing algebraic equations in my head to try and figure out if you liked me or were just humouring me," Felix said. </p>
<p>"God.Same."</p>
<p>Felix smiled, tilting his head so that their foreheads were touching.He looked at her from beneath the dark fans of his eyelashes."How long?"</p>
<p>"I don't know.I almost said it out loud on Saturday.When I fed the cats, I knew I had to, the next time I saw you.But it's been building up--I don't know when exactly."</p>
<p>"Oh."</p>
<p>Mia was once again frustrated with how hard it was to find the right words."I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"No, that's--"</p>
<p>"I mean, there were all kinds of moments.I've been falling in love with you whenever you look at me like this, or when you take my hand, or when you sang with me--and it all adds up to now."Mia hadn't been unable to keep from saying it.She'd reached the point where it needed to come out.She felt ridiculous trying to explain it, but knew that Felix wouldn't give her a hard time, not after the way that he'd said it back.</p>
<p>Felix made a soft sound."Oh."He shook a little, and turned his face slightly to the side."I guess it's been the same.And I kept trying to pretend it wasn't a big deal to me, but I kind of--couldn't escape it, after the second duel with Lon'qu, and that house we looked at.That nightmare I had--I wasn't just afraid of losing you, I was--" he inhaled, pushing his face closer to her neck so that his breath tickled her shoulder, "I was scared that you might not love me back.That everything I do is on purpose to push people away, and that I'd--"</p>
<p>"Felix," Mia said. </p>
<p>"I'd made a habit of being cruel to the people I--I love," Felix said, sighing."I don't want to do that anymore."</p>
<p>Tracing her hand down his cheek, Mia wished he didn't look so serious, almost sad."I think you've come so far."</p>
<p>That earned her a small smile."I guess I must have."</p>
<p>"Just one reason why," Mia said, testing the way it felt to say it again, "I love you."</p>
<p>Smile broadening, Felix met her eyes."I love you, too."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>listen felix is melodramatic. he's theatrical. he's so, so stupid. the whole ‘Boar Prince’ thing and all his weird cryptic-but-sort-of-true warnings about dimitri... the obsessive dedication to training...hiding out in his room to avoid running into his dad and pleading with the professor to lie for him as though it’s this huge deal...the dramatic way he reveals that he knew the book Ashe tried to lend him...making a death pact as an actual child..the gravestone line, you know the one...the Boots...</p>
<p>his brother is Glenn, and i think that probably says a lot, too. like here's the youngest knight on the prince's guard or whatever, reading tales of chivalry to his younger brother. they're nerds. they are both such nerds.<br/>"It's like I'm your captive" fucking hell, Felix. stop being melodramatic for 10 seconds. actually don't stop</p>
<p>tldr: felix is a theatrical bastard and would 100% confess his love in the most Honest, Serious, Over the Top Speech he could think of. i tried my best.</p>
<p>it wasn't until...about chapter 61 that i realized that there needed to be a chapter for This, and that it would be a rather significant event in our heroes' young lives. i'm not always with it ajfhg but i try</p>
<p>the title is from the Corner Gas opening theme by Craig Northey, 'Not a Lot Goin' On' and i kept sticking "I love you" in front of it and giggling</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0066"><h2>66. i don't know why it took me so long to see</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i just stutter, stutter, stutter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix didn't want Mia to go, but he couldn't ask her to stay.It was a stupid rule of propriety, that Mia could stay in Toronto under the assumption that the old man's presence would prevent any 'inappropriate behaviour', or drive with him to the Fortress, but not stay overnight in his bungalow.Felix had been right months ago, when he'd said to his father that they could have done anything at any point already.There should have been no issue with Mia staying with him.He was pretty sure that her parents should be able to trust her when she said that <em>she</em> trusted Felix--were that their only concern.Other concerns were none of their business.</p>
<p>There was a second reason that stopped him from blurting out the suggestion, that she could stay longer, overnight even.It was the fear that she might think he only confessed his feelings so that she <em>would</em> stay, that he was taking her trust for granted. </p>
<p>Felix couldn't help but overthink.This was new, and sensitive, and he realized he wanted to rest in it for a little while before letting either of them do anything that might change things again.Felix was slow to accept such changes--he had always been that way.</p>
<p>"I should probably get going," Mia said, when they'd finished all of season one and left it on the menu for over half an hour, while they talked about little things in between memories that helped illuminate how far the both of them had come since meeting.</p>
<p>Felix swallowed."Yeah.I don't want to keep you from dinner or anything."</p>
<p>"We usually eat late," Mia said, not moving yet.</p>
<p>Felix knew."How many seasons are there?"</p>
<p>"Six."</p>
<p>Five more excuses for her to come and watch them for hours, just the two of them.Felix would have to think of something else that she could enjoy with him--maybe they could go through all of the movies with swords that he'd watched growing up.They held bittersweet memories for Felix.If Mia became a part of them, would those be overwritten, or could they settle together, old and new--the closest he would ever come to her meeting Glenn?</p>
<p>It was a lot to think about.They could always go out, though Felix wasn't sure what made a 'date'.But it had been some time since they'd gone on one--the museum and karaoke had both been with friends, which had been fun but probably didn't count.Felix decided he didn't really care where they went, so long as he got to see Mia smiling at him. </p>
<p>"Do you want to make it a weekly thing?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>"That sounds good," Felix said.Five weeks would give him time to come up with something, or figure out how he felt.</p>
<p>"Are you going to be teaching your neighbours over the summer?"</p>
<p>Felix shrugged."Not sure yet.They're still on the basics so if they want to learn how to fence for real they probably will."</p>
<p>"But you'll be going to the city every couple of weeks, right?"</p>
<p>"I wasn't going to until the fall, but Dimitri's going to make a lot of appearances over the summer.I wouldn't feel right not being there," Felix admitted.He really had come a long way."I'm going to call him later and ask when he thinks he can come down to see the house." </p>
<p>"He's been wanting to ever since you got it, hasn't he?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>Felix laughed."Yeah.I'm surprised he could focus on hockey at all."</p>
<p>"Sweetpea must have helped," Mia guessed.</p>
<p>That reminded Felix of something.This time, he wouldn't forget. </p>
<p>"They really have," Felix agreed.Almost with a jolt, Felix realized how well things were turning out--not just that Dimitri had won the Stanley Cup, or that Mia loved Felix back.Somehow, Felix and Dimitri had managed to reconcile, and somehow this made every interaction with the rest of their friends easier.Felix had bought his own house, but now felt more understanding from his father than he ever had living under the same roof.He'd spent so long thinking nothing would ever improve, but it had--and so had Felix.</p>
<p>He must have been smiling about it, because when he looked at Mia, she was watching his face, and she looked beautiful and like she had when she'd said that she loved him.</p>
<p>"You have things to do," Felix said, taking her hand."Go."</p>
<p>"You're right," Mia said, and stood up, taking his hand with her.Felix got up as well, and could feel that she was lingering with something unsaid.</p>
<p>"What is it?" he asked.</p>
<p>Mia shook her head."I just feel weird, like I don't know what to do next or say."</p>
<p>"We're the same as we were before," Felix told her."Just," he gave it a little thought, "happier."</p>
<p>"I guess so," Mia said."And I'll see you soon."</p>
<p>"Of course."</p>
<p>Mia packed away her DVDs, and did end up leaving her chocolate in the fridge.Felix didn't mind.She said goodbye to the cats, and to him, and he told her not to let the neighbours see her if possible.</p>
<p>"Oh?Am I your secret?"</p>
<p>"I don't want them asking nosy questions," Felix said.</p>
<p>"I'll be discreet," Mia promised.</p>
<p>At the bottom of Felix's steps, Mia leaned on the door, about to go. </p>
<p>"This is ridiculous," Felix said under his breath.</p>
<p>"We've never done this before," Mia said."I can't let Hurst know I'm like this though, it's so embarrassing."</p>
<p>"Ha," Felix agreed."And thanks."</p>
<p>He didn't really know what he was thanking her for, whether it was that she'd shown him her favourite show or brought him chocolate that she thought he might like, or just the time spent together.Mia brightened all the same, and stepped away from the door to put her arms around him.</p>
<p>He embraced her back, spreading his fingers out as she did the same.The herbal smell of her shampoo was getting to be familiar in a very good way, and Felix could feel her ribs expand as she inhaled, too. </p>
<p>"Bye," Mia said, and Felix thought that he'd done a very good thing by moving this close to her.</p>
<p>When her truck had crunched out of his driveway, back to Airmid, Felix shut the inner door and locked it for the evening, then went in search of Estoc to make up for the time he'd spent with Mia instead of his Duchess.</p>
<p>"She's gone, you can come out," Felix said, sitting down, leaning forward to try and coax Estoc from her cat house.</p>
<p>Estoc stared at him, betrayed. </p>
<p>"Oh, I see," Felix said."We'll have to teach her to appease her Ladyship properly."With a grunt, he stood up and went to the kitchen for the bag of treats.</p>
<p>That got Estoc to forgive him.Before long, he was stretched out on the couch with both cats on his chest. </p>
<p>"I know you don't hate her," Felix said, "but you still can't get jealous and huffy, it's rude.Spinach Puff, you're fine."</p>
<p>Spinach Puff was purring happily, right across his diaphragm.It was too warm for a two-cat heated blanket but Felix had no choice.</p>
<p>"You're good, and friendly, and I know this," Felix said, to Estoc.She was right in the middle of his chest, her whiskers tickling at his neck."And I love you.You should know this.But I neglect you," he said, thinking of how he'd thoughtlessly left her behind for the weekend."I'm cruel.I will try to make it up to you."</p>
<p>Estoc slow-blinked at him, so he bent his neck to give her a kiss on the forehead.</p>
<p>"I have to talk to Dimitri," he said."If that's all right with you."</p>
<p>The cat did not stop him from sliding his phone from his pocket and messaging Dimitri to call him.It buzzed almost instantly with the incoming call.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix answered.</p>
<p><em>"Is something wrong?"</em> Dimitri asked, and that was fair--Felix usually was not the one to initiate a phone conversation.</p>
<p>"No, I'm asking how many weeks it'll be before people start leaving you alone."</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh!To see your house!I can cancel my interview on the twenty-sixth--"</em>
</p>
<p>"Do not cancel anything to see my house," Felix said.</p>
<p>
  <em>"--and then have the whole weekend!"</em>
</p>
<p>"The house isn't going anywhere."</p>
<p><em>"I can't be accessible all the time," </em>Dimitri said, laughter in his voice.<em>"My friends are important, too."</em></p>
<p>"We're not going anywhere, either?"</p>
<p>
  <em>"But I've been too busy!Even to go to Sylvain's party and I feel awful about that--"</em>
</p>
<p>"It's all right," Felix insisted.</p>
<p><em>"I can reschedule for the morning,"</em> Dimitri suggested.<em>"That way I can get out of the city by the afternoon, and stay until Sunday.Oh!But do you have room for me and Dedue?</em>"</p>
<p>"Dedue--sure.I'm sure I can find room," Felix said, frowning.Someone could sleep on the couch, even if it ended up being himself."And the girls have room at their place if anyone else isn't going to drive back that night."</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh!I hope that everyone can make it!"</em>
</p>
<p>"Yeah I don't have room for <em>everyone</em>," Felix said.</p>
<p>Dimitri laughed."<em>But you have a yard, and enough space for us to just hang out--"</em></p>
<p>"You've never been here.What if it rains?"</p>
<p><em>"It won't, it's going to be sunny and nice and we'll eat outside and have a wonderful time.</em>"</p>
<p>It was kind of adorable how excited Dimitri was about this."Fine," Felix conceded."There'll be a big rainbow in the sky and I'll make Ashe bring a cheese fondue."</p>
<p>
  <em>"Don't make Ashe bring anything!He's always making food for us and it's not fair!"</em>
</p>
<p>"Okay, I'll tell him you commanded him not to bring any food."</p>
<p><em>"Don't phrase it like that!</em>"</p>
<p>Felix laughed."You're being pushy."</p>
<p><em>"And you're in a good mood,</em>" Dimitri observed.</p>
<p>"Maybe I am."</p>
<p><em>"You had Mia over this afternoon, right?Your fencing students don't have lessons on Friday," </em>Dimitri confirmed.</p>
<p>Felix tipped his head back, and rubbed Estoc's cheek with his index finger."Yeah.I--after this call I'm going to look up flower places."</p>
<p>
  <em>"They're called florists I think.Sweetpea would be proud.Oh!Can I invite Sweetpea if they're available?"</em>
</p>
<p>"Sure, go for it," Felix said.He could only imagine that Sweetpea would happily drop any prior engagement for the chance to visit a total stranger's house.As the two of them were acquaintances, it was even more likely for Sweetpea to visit. </p>
<p>Probably.Felix heard voices from Dimitri's end, and then, <em>"Ah, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to go soon, but will you ask around about who's available that weekend or should I?</em>"</p>
<p>"Why would <em>you</em> invite people to <em>my</em> house?" Felix asked."I'll send the message out.Go do your thing."</p>
<p>
  <em>"Thanks, and thanks for doing this!I'm excited.I can't wait to see it."</em>
</p>
<p>"I know.Bye."Felix could hear Dimitri cheerfully wishing him goodbye as he pulled the phone away to end the call. </p>
<p>That had gone well, but it meant a lot of work for Felix, now.He groaned.Well, there was nothing he could do at the moment--Estoc still needed his full attention.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Over the weekend, Mia and Felix exchanged more messages, mostly about his plans for the last weekend of June, where everyone would come down to see his house--or rather, to see Dimitri see Felix's house.Mia herself did her usual activities, working on her novel and now her plan for the next November, as well as jewellery orders.In addition, she explored outside--Spinach Puff's mother had been very pregnant recently and no longer looked that way.Hoping to find the kittens, Mia checked out the barn and even ventured into the first section of her dad's shed, but she neither saw nor heard any cats.</p>
<p>Monday morning was quiet, spent in comfortable silence with her mom.They had eaten breakfast and were now sipping weak coffee.Mia commented that she was finished searching for kittens until the mother cat was ready to move them somewhere they were easier to find, and then the two of them heard a vehicle rumbling into the driveway.</p>
<p>"Is that dad?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>"It sounded too heavy," Mrs. Cecile said.</p>
<p>Mia had a slurp of coffee before getting up to look out the front window."It's a delivery truck.Did dad order something?"</p>
<p>"Not that I know of," Mrs. Cecile said, getting up to see for herself.</p>
<p>Mia watched the driver get out and circle to the back of the truck."Hurst?For the wedding?"</p>
<p>"That must be it," Mrs. Cecile agreed.</p>
<p>The delivery man reappeared--now obscured by a huge bouquet of flowers.</p>
<p>"Oh that's not for Hurst," Mrs. Cecile said.</p>
<p>"Why are we getting flowers?" Mia asked.The only time she'd seen flowers delivered here had been after her grandfather had passed away.</p>
<p>"We," Mrs. Cecile repeated, flatly.</p>
<p>Mia looked at her mom in confusion.</p>
<p>"I think they're for you," Mrs. Cecile said.</p>
<p>Mia stared.</p>
<p>"From your boyfriend."</p>
<p>"<em>Ohh</em>," Mia said."I guess we're dating!"</p>
<p>"Why did you think 'we' were getting flowers?" Mrs. Cecile asked, and went to open the door.</p>
<p>"I--don't know?Why do people usually get flowers?For an occasion," Mia said.</p>
<p>The bouquet was bushy and full with red and orange roses, lilies, and snapdragons.It looked warm and coppery, and very summery.There was a little note with it, and as her mother had suspected, it was addressed to Mia.</p>
<p>"So what is this occasion?" Mrs. Cecile asked.</p>
<p>Mia opened the note, and grinned."I guess <em>Corner Gas</em> went over better than expected," she said.Sharing favourite things as a love language, she thought.</p>
<p>"Oh?"</p>
<p>"And why wouldn't it?So what do we do with these, do we need to clip the bottoms or--"</p>
<p>When the flowers were seen to and put in a large, simple vase, Mia carried them up to her room.With some effort, she cleared the top of her desk and set them on top of it.</p>
<p>She read the note again, smiling, because of course he wouldn't be able to directly say the reason for the flowers.Mia booted up her laptop to open her playlist and begin playing <em>Stutter</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>I know</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I never make this easy</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's easier to disappear</em>
</p>
<p>Mia lay on her bed to admire the flowers and even the greenery in the arrangement, which gave it depth and a kind of vigour that made her smile.She loved the colours, and how ridiculously large the whole thing was on her little desk, in her small childhood bedroom. </p>
<p>
  <em>Sing it back!</em>
</p>
<p>Felix had to have no concept of size or money.On the other hand, the colours and flowers reminded Mia of some of her favourite patterned tops, at least one of which she'd worn on a drive with Felix.</p>
<p>
  <em>And I'm begging you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Bring me back to life</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I just can't stand leaving you alone tonight</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's too late to go</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Already taken me forever just to try you know</em>
</p>
<p>Mia unfolded the note again, and looked up from that to the bouquet.She tried to imagine Felix saying what was in the lyrics--it wasn't easy when this was one of the peppiest songs she'd ever heard, let alone from Marianas Trench.</p>
<p>
  <em>One for the money two for the show</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Three to get ready and four to go</em>
</p>
<p>The next lyric was written on the note, carefully--probably by the florist. </p>
<p>
  <em>For the life of me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I don't know why it took me so long to see</em>
</p>
<p>Thinking back to when Hurst had asked Mia if she loved Felix--it had been after they'd sung together for the first time.Mia hadn't known it then, but it really had taken her a long time to see. </p>
<p>
  <em>I just stutter, stutter, stutter</em>
</p>
<p>Maybe Felix <em>didn't</em> know how to find the right words all the time.Maybe it was hard for her, too.But it made Mia so happy that they were figuring it out, and that they both felt the same way--they were on this journey together, and it was real, and it was good.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>posting this because i'm 3k into chapter 67 and have been using sprintobot in my nanowrimo server akdjfgh for nefarious fanfic purposes so i'm pretty sure i can have it finished for when i want to post it. sharing my reserve chapter gives me extra motivation, shall we say</p>
<p>apparently i made this note in my sidebar while writing: "oh oh god i just wanna be hold"<br/>ok</p>
<p>title lyric is from 'Stutter'. marianas trench is allergic to making straight up love songs they've always gotta have a pessimistic spin to it. regardless Stutter is, in fact, a bop</p>
<p>group scene on the way *jingles miserably across the floor*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0067"><h2>67. here's to the fact that i'd be sad without you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felix's housewarming, hopefully you'll find it heartwarming</p><p>at over 13,000 words this SMASHES the previous 'Longest-Chapter' record! please enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix asked for Mia's help when it came to getting his house ready for what Sylvain was pre-emptively calling 'The Party of the Century'.Felix knew that anything <em>he</em> had organized would never be in the top one thousand parties of the century, but whenever he looked at the guest list scrawled on the receipt for his armoury paint and stuck to his fridge with a cat-shaped magnet Mia had found in a dollar store, he felt the magnitude of this undertaking.The point of this party was for Dimitri to see the house, as well as anyone else who hadn't helped him move in.That didn't stop it from growing to include all of Felix's friends--which when he saw them all on paper, was quite a lot.It was hard to believe.</p><p>Fifteen people including himself wasn't unreasonable, probably, but to Felix it was a nightmare.He had to have food, and booze, and he had to be <em>ready</em> when they got here. </p><p>"Don't look at me," Mia said, bribing Estoc with a treat."I've never organized anything in my life."</p><p>"You organized a novel," Felix said.</p><p>"Felix.Mr. Vampire.Champion.'<em>Organized'</em> is the very last word you could use to describe my novel."</p><p>"But you've been working on it all year," Felix said.</p><p>"'All year' being the key words in that sentence," Mia told him.She sealed the bag of cat treats, placing it on the side table.Estoc jumped onto the couch to protest loudly about the paltry amount she'd been given, while Spinach Puff sniffed the floor for crumbs."I'll help if I can.Learning experience."</p><p>"Let's make a list of what we think we need, and then you can sing."</p><p>Mia jostled him."Oh, <em>finally</em>, I thought you'd never let me."</p><p>"I meant--if you would.<em>Wanted</em> to," Felix amended, weakly.</p><p>"I've had <em>Stutter</em> stuck in my head since Monday," Mia said, smiling and moving closer--snugging her body against his where they sat on his couch.</p><p>Felix wanted to put his arm around her, and pull her even tighter against himself--but refrained."Funny," he mused, "so have I."</p><hr/><p>It was good to have so much to do before the 26<sup>th</sup>.Felix spent a lot of time moving his swords and sword-racks from the armoury so that it would be easy to move around and paint.He went to the store with Mia to buy cushions for the floor so people could just sit wherever they wanted--Estoc saw them and immediately claimed the pile as her throne.</p><p>Felix texted Leonie and asked her for a quote on helping him paint.She replied instantly and was there the next day, ready to work.He was grateful for her help--he would have made a mess, and taken six times as long as with her.Leonie slapped the paint on the walls, saying that she'd done four rooms in the house she shared with Ingrid and Marianne.Felix paid her for her time and they ordered a pizza to celebrate finishing.</p><p>"It's weird that the only like, <em>stuff</em> you have is swords," Leonie mused, seconds after complimenting the progress he was making on his house.</p><p>Felix shrugged."We can't all be hoarders."</p><p>"No, I'm saying you <em>are</em> a hoarder, you just hoard one kind of thing," Leonie said.</p><p>"That's called being a collector," Felix pointed out.</p><p>Leonie cackled."You're not even gonna be able to see the walls, you have so many swords.That's a hoard.You have a problem, Felix."</p><p>"It's contained to one room.I haven't bought a new sword in months."</p><p>"Sure, sure," Leonie said."Hey, do you ever let Mia handle any of your swords?"</p><p>Felix coughed on his beer, but managed to keep it from getting everywhere using the back of his hand.He looked at that in disgust, then glared at Leonie.</p><p>"What?Ohh!No I meant literal swords.I don't give a shit about your sex life," she said, making Felix cough all over again, because there <em>was</em> no sex life and if there was, he would not be talking about it with Leonie.</p><p>Wiping up beer with a cheap brown takeout napkin, Felix shook his head."I don't think she's interested in learning fencing.She's never mentioned it."</p><p>It kind of made him sad, which was weird, because even if Mia <em>did</em> want to learn fencing, he didn't think she'd want to commit to becoming the kind of opponent Lon'qu was.Still, when he pictured her holding a sword it sent a pleased feeling through his chest.And she <em>liked</em> swords, enough to include them in her story, and to listen to him rambling on about them.</p><p>"She probably knows what kind of teacher I'd be," Felix added, hopefully before his expression gave anything away to Leonie.It was true, anyway--he wasn't easygoing on his students.He didn't wish that on Mia.</p><p>"Yeah, I wouldn't want to learn from you," Leonie agreed."But Mia might be different!You should ask her if she's interested.Be a cute little battle couple or some shit."</p><p>"Shut up," Felix said."That's stupid."</p><p>Leonie just laughed, shaking her head. </p><hr/><p>On the day of the party, Felix considered waiting out front for when the others started arriving.Dimitri had texted that they were on the road and would arrive at around one, in the heat of the day.Felix reconsidered.</p><p>He sat in his front room instead, watching the street with Spinach Puff.</p><p>"Your show's going to be a good one today," Felix said, sitting on one of Estoc's cushions.She was perched on her pillow throne, irritated that it was missing a layer."Lots of cars on the way."</p><p>Spinach Puff turned to look at him, and let out a quiet meow.</p><p>"Yeah.I won't spoil it, though."</p><p>The cat's attention returned to the window.Felix scrolled through his phone, and ran through his mental party checklist a few more times, before Spinach Puff's tail jittered as a car pulled into the street. </p><p>Looking up, Felix recognized Sylvain's big SUV--the first guests were here.</p><p>Felix stood up and went to the door to greet them--Sylvain had said he was driving down with Ashe and Bernadetta.They pulled into the driveway and got out of the vehicle.</p><p>They were not a group of three, however.A fourth person, very tall, with very straight hair, had also emerged from the SUV.Felix ground his teeth, but tried to school his face to neutrality as they all approached--for Bernadetta's benefit.</p><p>"Sylvain," Felix said, ignoring Sylvain's cheery greeting and outstretched arms."I don't have Lorenz on my guest list."</p><p>"Feee-lix," Sylvain sang it, insufferably."I thought you were getting along and that maybe he'd like to see the house, too, and it was just a last-minute thing!"</p><p>Felix glared at Lorenz, who was holding a gift bag--a clue that this was not, in fact, as last minute as Sylvain claimed.</p><p>"Hello, Felix," Lorenz said."I do apologize if I'm crashing your party."</p><p>"You are," Felix said.</p><p>"Ah.Well, I'm sorry."</p><p>Felix growled, then caught himself, because he did not want to make a big scene before the party had even started."It's fine.There's probably too much food and beer anyway."</p><p>"I don't drink beer," Lorenz said.</p><p>Felix shot him a patronizing sneer."Of course you don't.Y--never mind.Bernie, come see the house and the cats.It's--the basement is open if you ever need some quiet space."</p><p>"Oh!" Bernadetta squeaked, from behind Ashe."Okay!Thanks!"</p><p>"You can stay," Felix said to Lorenz, "just behave."</p><p>It was Sylvain who snorted, trying to hold in a guffaw."It'll be <em>fun!</em>I think it's going to be fun."</p><p>"This is for you," Lorenz said, as Felix rolled his eyes and held the door open for the four of them to enter, past him.</p><p>"What is it," Felix asked, not taking the bag.</p><p>Lorenz laughed."It's not a trick if that's what you think.It's a housewarming gift.Commonly given when visiting someone's house for the first time?"</p><p>"I know what it <em>is</em>, what's in it?"Felix pulled the door shut and directed his friends and Lorenz to leave their shoes on, as the plan was for everyone to come and go, between the yard and the house.</p><p>"That's why it's wrapped," Lorenz said, like he was explaining to a kindergartener.</p><p>"Sylvain's not invited here again," Felix muttered.</p><p>"You say something to me?" Sylvain asked, oblivious.</p><p>"No," Felix said loudly.</p><p>Bernadetta was caught in the hall, clearly unsure whether she was supposed to just go into the house proper or wait for him to offer a tour or something.She had a little gift bag in her own hands.</p><p>"Head to your left," Felix said.Bernadetta nodded, and tiptoed down the hall.</p><p>"Did you get your nursery painted?" Ashe asked.</p><p>Sylvain burst out laughing, and Lorenz gave Felix a puzzled look.He still held his gift bag, purple with gold dots on it.</p><p>Felix snatched it from him, which took him from puzzled to shocked."Yes, it's painted, no it's not a nursery.It's where I've got my sword collection."</p><p>"Oh, yes, of course you still fence," Lorenz said.</p><p>"The <em>armoury</em>," Sylvain said, mocking.Felix pushed past to the front room, where Bernadetta was greeting Spinach Puff in the window.Felix sat down on the couch and pulled the bottle from Lorenz's gift bag.</p><p>"He loves the window," Felix said.</p><p>"Does he have any animal friends out there?" Bernadetta asked, looking over her shoulder at him.</p><p>"Mm, not friends so much as court jesters.The squirrel, and down the street there's a guy with a greyhound that walks by with a different hat every day."</p><p>"I want to see that!" Bernadetta gasped.</p><p>"I'll see if I can sneak a picture next time he goes by," Felix offered.</p><p>"Only if he doesn't mind!"</p><p>"I'll only share it with you, we won't sell it or post it," Felix said."I don't want to talk to him."</p><p>Bernadetta nodded."Okay.Valid.Fair.Right, that's good."</p><p>Felix smiled, and turned his attention to the bottle in his hand.</p><p>"That's an Irish Whiskey," Lorenz said."Double barrel.Your house is charming."</p><p>"Cute," Sylvain supplied, from the kitchen where he was helping himself to something out of Felix's fridge.</p><p>"Thanks," Felix muttered.He'd been prepared for wine, but a whiskey like this was not only more expensive, he'd get more enjoyment out of it."I can show you and Bernie around if you want.There's not much to see.But."</p><p>"I would love that," Lorenz said.He was out of place in Felix's front room, too tall and too sleek, but he was smiling at Felix's minimal decor nonetheless.</p><p>"Yes!Let's see," Bernadetta said, leaping to her feet.</p><p>"I need to see how your walls turned out," Ashe said."I haven't seen any little paw-prints in the hall so I'm guessing you had help."</p><p>"Leonie," Felix said.</p><p>"Oh, then it'll look good," Ashe said.</p><p>The tour did not last long, but Felix knew it was only the first of several for the day.Ashe was impressed with the armoury, and Bernadetta complimented the colour.Lorenz tried not to comment on the quantity of swords in Felix's collection, but it was easy to tell he had some concerns about it.</p><p>When that was done, they settled again in the front room.Bernadetta had taken her sandals off and was cross-legged on one of the new cushions.She had Estoc in her lap and was making the cat purr and purr.</p><p>Felix sat on the couch in between Ashe and Sylvain, and Lorenz had taken the chair.</p><p>"I like it.I'm a little jealous, actually," Lorenz said."I love my apartment, but it's still so close to," he gestured vaguely in front of himself."Everything."</p><p>"We should get a place out here," Sylvain suggested."Two bachelors, living it up in the countryside--"</p><p>"I hear Kingston's nice," Felix interrupted.</p><p>"Felix, buddy, that's the other side of Toronto," Sylvain said.</p><p>Felix let out a quiet laugh."That's why I suggested it."</p><p>While Sylvain let out a horrified--and very fake--gasp, Felix turned to Bernadetta to ask what <em>she</em> thought.</p><p>"Oh!I like it.You need more colour!Which is why--I mean, I'm not judging you and you don't even have to put it up if you don't want to, but I made you this!" Earlier she must have left her gift on the floor, under the window, and she produced it again and held it up to Felix, her face averted.</p><p>He accepted it, and pulled out a small, flat bundle of crinkly blue tissue paper.Pulling that away revealed a small, framed piece of embroidery, which clearly depicted Estoc and Spinach Puff with a few little blue flowers around the edge.</p><p>"It's the cats," Felix said."A family portrait.I love it."</p><p>"You--you do?"</p><p>Felix nodded.He was always amazed by how good Bernie was at making things.It was like a power.</p><p>"Yes.Thank you for this, it's really good," Felix said.</p><p>Bernadetta shrieked and hid her face."Good!Aaah!!I'm so glad!It's just little!"</p><p>Leaning forward, Felix held the little frame out to the cats."That's you guys."They sniffed it, and Spinach Puff rubbed his cheek against it before flopping onto his side."They approve."</p><p>"Yay!" Bernadetta giggled, and Felix leaned back, smiling.</p><p>He caught Sylvain looking at him with a big, dopey smile, and Lorenz looking surprised.It didn't matter what he thought, though.</p><p>"So what's the best part of living out here?" Ashe asked.</p><p>Felix shrugged."I don't know.I still haven't met up with Lon'qu for any duels."They'd both been busy, and Felix had had so much to do with the house, and was preoccupied with his feelings for Mia and his excitement for Dimitri, that they just hadn't been able to agree on a date to meet.</p><p>"Really, Felix?" Sylvain asked."The first thing you can come up with is your fencing buddy?"</p><p>"I don't know what you want me to say," Felix snorted.</p><p>"What about uhh, Mia?" Sylvain prodded.</p><p>"I was trying to be subtle!" Ashe hissed.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes.</p><p>Lorenz leaned forward."Oh, will we be seeing her today?"</p><p>"Yes, she'll be here," Felix said."Fine.It's nice not having to drive two hours through traffic if I want to see her.Are you all happy?"</p><p>"We're happy as long as you are," Sylvain said.</p><p>"Yes," Ashe agreed."We want things to keep going well for you."</p><p>"Well, it is going well, so you can drop it now," Felix said.</p><p>The others laughed, and Bernadetta piped up that she liked Mia and found her okay to talk to.Felix knew that was a huge endorsement.</p><p>It wasn't long before Ingrid and her housemates arrived, after finishing their daily work at the stable and presumably cleaning up from that.They all had been there to help Felix move in, but Ingrid wasn't going to miss the chance to see their friends, Leonie wanted to show off her painting job, and as far as Felix knew, where they went, so did Marianne.He had to confess that he was happy for her, and considered her a friend, too.</p><p>At close to one, Annette pulled onto the street with Mercedes and Lysithea.The latter two were seeing the house for the first time, so Felix gave them a begrudging tour when Lysithea demanded it before even entering the building.Annette went to the front room to chat with the others.</p><p>"It's tiny," Lysithea said, her tone accusatory.</p><p>"I'm one man and two cats," Felix protested.</p><p>Mercedes beamed at him."I can see you being very happy here, Felix!"</p><p>"One man, two cats, and like two hundred swords," Lysithea grumbled.Maybe Felix should have kept his swords in boxes, or the door to the armoury closed.No one appreciated his collection.</p><p>"Go have a sugary drink or something," Felix retorted.</p><p>Mercedes giggled."Why don't you have a sugary drink or something and maybe you'll calm down?"</p><p>The reference went over Felix's head, but Lysithea let out a combination groan-snort, and rolled her eyes."I guess I <em>am</em> thirsty after the drive."</p><p>Sylvain's voice interrupted from the front room."Dimitri's here!"</p><p>Felix hurried down the hall, to the side door.He stepped out into the heat and watched Dedue park on the street, behind Annette's little car.</p><p>There were a few moments of stillness, then the back passenger door opened and Dimitri spilled out, grinning like a golden retriever.</p><p>"Felix!"Dimitri rushed him, colliding in a bear hug that knocked the air out of Felix's lungs.</p><p>"Don't lift me--"</p><p>Dimitri lifted Felix, and turned with him to set him down again on the grass."Felix!Hello!"</p><p>Pushing stray hairs out of his face, Felix's embarrassment warred with his happiness."Hey.Calm down."</p><p>"No," Dimitri said, smiling."How has it been?"</p><p>"Fine.How's being a hockey superstar?"</p><p>"It's tiring," Dimitri said, but he didn't droop like he sometimes did when he talked about being tired.</p><p>From behind him, Dedue and Sweetpea had gotten out of the car, carrying a potted plant and a bouquet, respectively.</p><p>"So this is the House of Felix," Sweetpea said, stopping in the middle of the yard.</p><p>"I guess," Felix said.</p><p>Dedue held his potted plant under one arm, and offered the other hand to Felix."Hello."</p><p>"Hey.How was the drive?" Felix asked, clasping Dedue's hand and then standing, awkwardly, between him and Dimitri while Sweetpea tilted their head up and inhaled deeply.</p><p>"It was without incident," Dedue said."I brought you a housewarming gift.Ashe said that you had a sheltered enough wall that it might thrive.This is an azalea."</p><p>"Ah," Felix said.He didn't even know what the shrubs in front of his house were called, and hadn't planned on giving the garden any attention."Thanks.I'm not experienced with plants, but I'll do my best."</p><p>"You can cover it over the winter, but it shouldn't need much attention other than that," Dedue said, holding out the pot to Felix.</p><p>He accepted, thanking Dedue again.At the moment, the little bush was leafy and wiggled in its container, but had no buds to speak of.</p><p>"You'll have to tell me when I can expect it to do anything," Felix said.</p><p>"I would be happy to."Dedue looked at Dimitri, who was watching him with a bright, open expression.</p><p>Sweetpea was finished whatever they had been doing, and held their bouquet out to Felix without any flourish."Happy house.You keep your cats inside, right?"</p><p>Felix wasn't sure how to accept the flowers while he was holding the potted plant, but Dedue saved him by taking the azalea back with a suggestion of where to put it.</p><p>"Of course," Felix said, bewildered to suddenly have a bouquet of cute yellow flowers in his hand.</p><p>"Good, because you've got raccoons."</p><p>"There's raccoons everywhere," Felix noted.</p><p>Sweetpea looked thoughtful."We are all raccoons."</p><p>Felix and Dedue stared at Sweetpea, but Dimitri bellowed with laughter and then clapped his hand on Felix's shoulder.</p><p>"Show us the house!I love the outside!"</p><p>The spell broken, Felix turned to the house."Okay.This is the house.I use the door against the driveway instead of the front.I don't know what those bushes are."</p><p>"They look like holly," Dedue said.</p><p>"Festive." Felix led them to the side door, but Dimitri wanted to see the backyard first--and that way Dedue could set the azalea down against the wall, in the thin stripe of shade beneath the eaves.</p><p>Dimitri walked out into the middle of the yard and the bright sunlight.Felix groaned a little and joined him, still holding his flowers. </p><p>"You have so much space!So you practice with your swords out here, and give your lessons too?" Dimitri asked.</p><p>"Yeah, but I might clear a space in the basement instead for the summer.It's too hot," Felix explained, at Dimitri's confused expression."And for the winter."</p><p>"That makes sense!You got garden furniture!"</p><p>"I--yeah," Felix said, as Dimitri strode across to explore the outdoor seating.It could have been more stylishly arranged, but the tiled square at the back door wasn't exactly huge.This was enough though, and everyone would be able to hear each other without yelling.Knowing Felix's friends, though, there would be yelling regardless.</p><p>"This corner should be a sheltered enough place for a little garden," Dedue suggested, nodding to the edge of the seating area, which on the side nearest Petrine's house had an old lattice that supposedly could keep out some wind.</p><p>"I can stick something like that--a low wall or something, then it'd be easier to cover," Felix said, aware that he was neither capable of building a low wall out of any material and that he wasn't being coherent."If that's the North side?"</p><p>Sweetpea nodded."North."They pointed, arm straight, towards the twins' house."But you've got that other house there to help block the wind."</p><p>"I guess we'll see how it goes," Felix said.He wasn't ready to visualize his perfect backyard, let alone modify it.Then again, it could be neat to make it look a little more polished than it was.The addition of the garden furniture had made a very pleasant difference.</p><p>"I love it," Dimitri said.</p><p>"Thank God," Felix drawled."I'd hate if you came all this way only to be disappointed."</p><p>Dimitri shot him a rueful grin."I want to sit out here, but first I need to see inside.Oh!And say hello to everyone, of course."</p><p>Laughing under his breath, Felix let him in through the back door to the kitchen.</p><p>Of course, Dimitri loved that, too, but pouted when Felix told him to keep his shoes on.Dedue noticed the swords Mia had made, which divided Dimitri's attention from greeting Mercedes and Annette with a hug.</p><p>"Oh, let me see!"</p><p>"It's not going anywhere," Felix said.</p><p>Sweetpea had other priorities."I've yet to meet your cats.Fix this."</p><p>"I'm still holding flowers," Felix realized.Mercedes giggled and took them, asking whether he had something to put them in.</p><p>He shook his head."No?That's the problem."</p><p>Sweetpea, uninterested in a guided tour, threw an incredulous look over their shoulder."Get a vase."It sounded like a threat.</p><p>"Uh, right on it," Felix said.He wavered between following Sweetpea to the front room to introduce the cats, and staying in the kitchen to deal with everything else.He needed help."For now--I've got a pitcher I was going to get Sylvain to mix something to drink in."</p><p>Mercedes followed Felix's finger to the pitcher on the counter, and set about taking care of the flowers.Dedue joined her in taking apart the bouquet and then rearranging it in its new home.Mercedes commented that the flowers were a lovely colour.</p><p>Meanwhile, Dimitri was sticking his head into Felix's fridge."You didn't make Ashe bring anything?"</p><p>"No, I made sure he was here just to enjoy himself," Felix said."Do you want something?"</p><p>Dimitri hastily withdrew from the fridge and shut the door.He pulled at his hair, sheepish."No, thank you.Let me say hi to everyone and then show me the rest of the house?"</p><p>"All right," Felix said.</p><p>Of course, in between saying hello to all of their friends, which meant hugs and inquiries to how they were all doing, Dimitri interspersed his thoughts on the front room.</p><p>"Sylvain!Happy belated birthday!I'm so sorry I couldn't make it--what a nice window!Is that the one Spinach Puff likes to look out?"</p><p>Felix hung back, a little bewildered."Yeah.He sits there."</p><p>"Lorenz!I haven't seen you in ages!Does this mean you and Felix are friends again?"</p><p>Lorenz cleared his throat."I wouldn't go so far.Sylvain insisted I go with him, and that it would be fine--"</p><p>"Sylvain!"</p><p>"--anyway, it's quite a nice house.And I believe that congratulations are in order, I'm surprised you weren't too busy to get away."</p><p>Dimitri hunched forward a little, trying to make himself smaller in his embarrassment."I've put off seeing Felix's house for long enough.That's more important."</p><p>"Well, I'm glad that you could make it," Lorenz said.</p><p>Felix coughed from the edge of the room."Are you done yet or--"</p><p>"I have to say hi to Bernadetta and the cats and then I'll be right with you!"</p><p>Felix leaned against the wall, arms crossed.Ingrid got up from where she sat on the arm of the couch and stood beside him.</p><p>"He's like a kid," she said, low."This is adorable."</p><p>"You should've heard him when I called to ask when he'd be able to make it out," Felix answered, just as quiet.</p><p>"You'd think you'd bought a chateau in France," Ingrid mused.</p><p>Dimitri was greeting Bernadetta, which meant that he had her pinned with his bright blue stare.She was getting redder and redder at his enthusiastic chatter.</p><p>"All right," Felix called, "you've said your hellos."</p><p>"Ah!I'm so sorry, I'll ask you about how your writing is going later!" Dimitri said to Bernadetta, in a hurry.He stood up from his crouch and picked his way between everyone seated's legs to rejoin Felix and Dedue.</p><p>"Sweetpea, will you join us?" Dimitri asked.</p><p>Sweetpea was lying on their stomach on the floor, legs in the air, with their cheek resting on one hand, squished.In front of them was Estoc, who sniffed the fingers of their other hand with interest.</p><p>"I'm getting acquainted with the lady of the house," Sweetpea said, aloof."I'll explore later by myself."</p><p>"I can't stop them," Felix said.He had already resigned himself to Sweetpea possibly snooping or just making themselves at home somewhere.</p><p>Dimitri laughed, and he and Dedue followed Felix on the short tour of the house.Dedue was mostly silent, while Dimitri went on and on about each room and every little thing that he noticed. </p><p>"Here's the--uh, armoury," Felix said, through gritted teeth, because the general reception to it hadn't been very positive.He crossed the room to the window and leaned back, as his guests looked around.</p><p>"It would seem to be one," Dedue said.</p><p>"Sword collection," Felix clarified, feeling like a weirdo.</p><p>"I hadn't realized how large it's gotten!" Dimitri said."Oh, where's the one I got you?"</p><p>"Which one?" Felix asked.</p><p>"For your twentieth birthday!"</p><p>Felix nodded."The dirk.That's a dagger, technically.Here."</p><p>As a dagger, it was on the wall near the window, and displayed vertically instead of on its side.Ashe and Sylvain had both complained that it ruined the lines made by the rest of the weapons, but he had racks on the floor that held swords standing upright.This was no different.</p><p>Felix only had about a dozen daggers, because he usually passed them up for longer blades--but he thought they were very cool, regardless. </p><p>"Ah, I remember.I'm glad that you still have it."</p><p>It had been one of the blades out of sight beneath his bed.At the time of receiving it, Felix had still been upset with Dimitri and didn't want to think about him.He was glad how things had changed, and was proud to display it now.</p><p>"Of course I still have it," Felix said."And of course I remember where it came from."</p><p>Dimitri looked like he was going to hug him again. </p><p>"Don't get all sappy," Felix warned him.</p><p>"Of course not," Dimitri said, shrinking a little and ducking his head."It's hard to help it--but thank you for being so patient with me so far."</p><p>Felix had to admit that he disliked emotional displays, like the kind Dimitri usually made.Big, bright smiles and sweeping statements.It was one of the things that had made him particularly uncomfortable while he and Dimitri had been on uneven terms.Now, things were different, and he was glad that his friend was so enthusiastic.</p><p>"I understand why you're excited," Felix said."And," he mumbled, "I'm glad that you're here.I'm not going to show it, though."</p><p>Dimitri nodded sagely."I understand, too.We're like a dog and a cat."</p><p>Felix snorted, covering his mouth with his hand."Dimitri!That--that explains a Hell of a lot."</p><p>"Yes, I've been thinking about it that way since getting Princess," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix tried to be insulted that apparently he was being approached as if he were a skittish and unfriendly cat, but it had also been working very well and he <em>couldn't</em>.He couldn't do anything but laugh.All this time he'd been calling Dimitri a boar, when in actuality they were just a dog and a cat that hadn't been properly socialized.It was so <em>stupid</em>.</p><p>"I'm glad you think it's funny," Dimitri said, clearly amused.</p><p>Felix pulled himself together to say, "Whatever works, I guess.Dedue wants us to shut up and finish the tour."It was rude of Felix and Dimitri to talk about their past and their relationship and leave Dedue off to the side.</p><p>"I don't mind," Dedue said."I'm sorry if I've been intruding."</p><p>"Not at all!" Dimitri exclaimed.</p><p>Felix shook his head."It's on us for having all this baggage.So what about you?Cats or dogs?"</p><p>Dedue offered one of his small smiles."I like animals, but really for me it's plants.Although I've enjoyed visiting Princess regularly."</p><p>"Princess loves you," Dimitri said, as the three of them filed out of the armoury.</p><p>"Princess loves my cooking," Dedue corrected.</p><p>"We both love your cooking," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix found that he wasn't surprised to hear that Dimitri and Dedue met regularly, outside of their work relationship.He already knew they were friends, so it wasn't a stretch to imagine Dedue stopping by to cook with Dimitri.</p><p>"I guess we should talk about sleeping arrangements?Or," Felix trailed off, in the doorway to the bedroom.He frowned."You said that you'd stay overnight, but you hadn't mentioned bringing Sweetpea."</p><p>"Sweetpea will probably be happy on those big cushions you've got," Dimitri said.</p><p>"I can take the couch," Dedue said.</p><p>Felix shook his head."I don't think you'd be comfortable?"</p><p>"Dedue and I can share the bed," Dimitri said."As long as you have somewhere comfy to sleep, Felix."</p><p>"Yeah, I'll be fine," Felix said."We can talk about it after everyone's gone."</p><p>Dimitri sighed, walking into the bedroom.Felix had stashed Bunny away in a drawer, embarrassed at the thought of his guests seeing, but the little knight Glenn had given him was still on top of the dresser. </p><p>"So, now you've seen the whole thing," Felix said."What do you think?"</p><p>Dimitri finished looking around the bedroom, from the bright light of the window to the toy knight to the shut closet that held stacks of things that would spill out the moment the door was opened.Finally, his gaze rested on Felix.</p><p>"It's perfect for you.I love it."</p><hr/><p>Mia was more worried about the heat than making a good impression, since she'd met everyone who would be attending Felix's 'housewarming'.She threw on a pair of at least partially-linen shorts, and a loose tank.She gathered her hair behind her head and clipped it there, although she was pretty sure she'd spend the rest of the day re-twisting it after each time she moved.</p><p>Everything Felix needed for the party was already at his place, so all Mia needed was to bring herself.She got in the truck and fired it up, after cranking the windows so that they were fully open.</p><p>That alone was enough of a promise that her hair would fly loose before she even reached Ailell.</p><p>It didn't bother her much.Mia was more than excited enough about seeing Felix's friends--her friends, too--that she wasn't too concerned about her appearance, or the inconvenience of her long hair.</p><p>Mia usually kept it short, above her shoulders, but she'd also always wanted to try it <em>really</em> short, pixie length or even a 'boy's' cut.After the wedding, Mia decided.She could cut it off the minute she got home, if that was what she wanted.</p><p>Maybe she could even borrow one of Felix's swords. </p><p>Laughing, Mia pulled out of the driveway and onto the road.She did <em>not</em> trust herself to cut her own hair, and she didn't trust Felix to cut it, either, based on the uneven way it fell down his back when it was free. </p><p>There were already several cars in the driveway and on the street in front of Felix's house when Mia got there.She saw Sylvain's SUV and a big black vehicle that probably had carried Dimitri here.She found a spot on the street to park, rolled her windows up so that they were just open a crack, and dreaded the return drive after the truck had been baking in the sun all day.</p><p>The house was full and loud with chatter when Mia opened the side door and stepped inside.Felix appeared at the top of the steps to greet her, calling over his shoulder for someone--probably Sylvain--to shut up.</p><p>"Hi," Mia said, climbing the steps in a hurry so that she could give him a quick peck on the cheek."How's everyone liking the house?"</p><p>Felix gave her shoulder a squeeze in greeting."They hate my armoury.Well, everyone but Dimitri, but he loves everything.Keep your shoes on."</p><p>"It's messed up to have so many swords," came Lysithea's voice from the hallway, behind Felix."Hi, Mia!"</p><p>"Hi!How many swords is appropriate?" Mia asked, following Felix--and Lysithea--through the hall to the front room.</p><p>"Five," Lysithea said, with such certainty that she'd either put a lot of thought into it beforehand, or there had been a discussion about it among the group that was here, today.</p><p>"So if Felix gave five swords to everyone here today, he still wouldn't have a suitable number of swords?"</p><p>Felix turned back to gasp at the suggestion that he give swords away."No!"</p><p>"But you do admit that's something you'd come across in a math textbook?" Mia asked.That got her a quiet snort, from both Felix and Lysithea. </p><p>The front room and kitchen were both busy as friends got themselves drinks and snacks that were set out on the counter.Mia was met with a chorus of 'hello!' and 'hi!' and waved to the different groups.</p><p>"Mia!" Dimitri boomed, half out the door."Hi!"</p><p>He was carrying two drinks, so when he hurried over to see her, he sloshed some ice water onto the floor.He held them up a little awkwardly when he realized he wouldn't be able to give a hug while his hands were full.</p><p>"Hi!" he said again.</p><p>"Hi!Congratulations!I saw you!"</p><p>Dimitri ducked his head, smiling sheepishly."Thank you."</p><p>"I'm happy for you.What do you think of Felix's house?"</p><p>This made him brighten."I love it--" and he launched into a lengthy list of all the things he loved, from the street itself to the armoury to the windows to Mia's wire swords.</p><p>"--and we were just going to go outside to sit and maybe in the evening we can set up a game of something to play!" Dimitri concluded, somehow not breathless.</p><p>"Dimitri thinks we should bake in the yard like potatoes," Felix scoffed.</p><p>"We'll be like the cats when it gets hot," Mia said."All limp and melted, lying around the lawn like we've been struck down by the plague."</p><p>Dimitri had looked delighted by the first half of Mia's description, then horrified by the second."Oh no!"</p><p>"It's cuter than it sounds," she assured him.</p><p>"Ah!And what will you have to drink?"</p><p>Felix muttered that that was <em>his</em> job, being the host, and Mia would have liked to wait until she'd settled in a bit before getting a beverage, but allowed herself to be swept along by the friends.She let Sylvain mix her a drink, fruit juice and vodka.The pitcher that would have meant he'd only needed to do this once was currently occupied by a bouquet of cheerful flowers, yellow roses and a big peony.</p><p>"This is nice," Mia said.</p><p>"Yeah, Sweetpea brought it.If I don't buy a vase I think they're going to stab me."</p><p>Leonie, in conversation with Bernadetta, laughed."You should think about getting a lock for your armoury."</p><p>"That sounds smart just in general," Ingrid called, from the front room.</p><p>"Where's Sweetpea now?" Mia asked.She hadn't seen them inside.</p><p>Sylvain gestured at the window with the cocktail shaker."Lying on their back in the grass."</p><p>"They have an apartment so they like to enjoy the outdoors when they can," Dimitri explained."I can sympathize."</p><p>"Hopefully you can make it out again, then," Mia said.</p><p>Felix snorted."Don't invite people to my house.But yeah.That or the Fortress--I mean, the cottage."</p><p>"Fortress?" Ingrid repeated.</p><p>Felix groaned while Mia explained, giggling, how from the water she'd thought the Fraldarius's new cottage looked big enough to house a battalion of knights.</p><p>"That's cute!" Sylvain said, and poured the mix of fruit juice, booze, and crushed ice into a glass for Mia.She had to admire that he didn't make a mess of the shaker.Catching her watching him, Sylvain winked."I bartended in school to try and get peoples' numbers."</p><p>"Did it work?" Mia asked, trying a sip of the drink.It was delicious, and he'd gone easy on the vodka to her immense relief.</p><p>"Unfortunately, yes," Ingrid said, through her teeth.</p><p>"Well I didn't need 'fortune' so yeah, that's accurate," Sylvain said, flicking his fingers at Ingrid over Mia's head.</p><p>"No bragging about your escapades," Leonie said."I don't wanna hear it."</p><p>"Agreed."Felix reached up to tousle Sylvain's hair, then fled outside with Dimitri.Mia shook her head and joined them with Sylvain.</p><p>It was hot out, but a patio umbrella stood in the corner of the set up of outdoor furniture, casting merciful shade on the group.Ashe and Annette were already taking up either end of the sofa, and Mia could see Sweetpea's peaceful form on the lawn. Dedue was settled in a chair.Mia was surprised to see Lorenz leaning against the wall of the house, wine glass in hand.</p><p>"Are you wearing sunscreen at least?" Dimitri called to Sweetpea.There was a groan in response.</p><p>Mia said hello to Lorenz, who did not kiss the back of her hand this time."I'm surprised to see you here."</p><p>"Yes, that is the general consensus.Sylvain said it wouldn't be a problem.I wonder if I was only permitted to stay because of the old adage--<em>keep your enemies close</em>."</p><p>"I'm sure that's not it," Mia said. </p><p>Lorenz laughed quietly."How is your writing going?I won't tell Virion of your progress if you don't want me to."</p><p>"You may tell him," Mia said."My plan is to do gratuitous fight scenes and magical explosions since that's always gotten me quite a few words at a time."</p><p>"An action-novel, then.Not going to try a romance like Virion?Clearly it works for him."</p><p>Mia laughed."Considering I keep beating him, maybe that's not so true."</p><p>"Oh!No wonder he enjoys your rivalry.You don't go easy on him."</p><p>"He's the one with the 300k outline," Mia said.</p><p>The afternoon grew hotter and heavier, and talk was calm and easy.Mia sat on the arm of the couch, on Annette's right, while Felix sat in the middle.Ashe went in for water and fifteen minutes later, Mercedes and Marianne joined them instead.Sweetpea peeled away from the grass, the back of their t-shirt a little stained, to sit cross-legged in the shade.They asked after Annette's big dog.</p><p>Marianne and Lorenz talked quietly about horses, which made Felix roll his eyes and comment behind Annette's head, to Mia, that probably Marianne had left a conversation with Ingrid about the same topic inside the house.</p><p>Dimitri seemed to have gotten most of his excitement out, and was happy to listen to all his friends chatter away while beaming at each of them in turn.Dedue, sitting across from him in the other chair, wore a calm smile as he sipped his water.Mia noticed a little bush against the wall and guessed that Dedue had brought it as a housewarming gift.</p><p>"Don't look now," Sweetpea said, under their breath, "but there seem to be children watching us."</p><p>Felix immediately looked over to his neighbour's house."Ugh, I told them Dimitri would be here and the boy is a fan."</p><p>"Oh!I completely forgot and left my things in the car, should I get them now?"</p><p>"Don't worry about it."</p><p>Dimitri was pink."I'm being stared at.Should I go over?"</p><p>Felix snorted and gestured for the kids to cross the property line."Stop gawking," he called to them.</p><p>So these were Felix's students, Mia thought, as the girl twin pushed her brother from behind.She looked delighted, while the boy seemed mortified.</p><p>"There's no fencing lesson today," Felix said, coldly, as though he hadn't called them over.</p><p>"You're mean!" Annette said. </p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."My fencing students, Eirika and Ephraim.They only care about getting introduced to Dimitri."</p><p>Eirika protested that she only cared about watching Ephraim make a fool of himself.</p><p>"It's very nice to meet you," Dimitri said, waving awkwardly."Would you ah--care to join us?"</p><p>Ephraim needed no further invitation.He plunked himself on the ground beside Dimitri's chair and launched into recounting the final game and how much he loved Dimitri's style of playing and wanted to play in the NHL one day, himself.Eirika smirked and stood inside the edge of the shade, watching.</p><p>"I better ask if either of you two want a drink--I'm acting bartender for this shindig," Sylvain said."Beer?"</p><p>"Yes, please," Ephraim said.</p><p>Eirika shook her head."We're too young to drink."</p><p>"Eirika!" Ephraim hissed."<em>She's</em> too young.I'm older."</p><p>"We're twins," Eirika corrected.</p><p>Ephraim glared at her and Sylvain bellowed with laughter. </p><p>Dimitri successfully distracted the boy by prompting him with a question about where he played.While Ephraim lit up and began talking a mile a minute, Eirika asked to be introduced to all of Felix's other guests.</p><p>"Ugh, fine.Who's out here?" Felix asked, leaning back where he sat."Marianne, Mercedes, Annette, Mia--</p><p>Annette giggled."That's a lot of 'm's!"</p><p>"--Sylvain who will not be serving you alcohol, Dedue, Sweetpea--Byleth?Do they use your nickname or not?"</p><p>"You're the <em>add</em> one out," Mia said, tapping Annette's arm with her elbow.Annette groaned.</p><p>Sweetpea looked like Mia's description of a melting cat."But I've always been known as Sweetpea."</p><p>Felix just shrugged."Uh-huh.So those are friends, Lorenz there is my cousin--"</p><p>Mia tried not to laugh at being introduced as a friend and not his girlfriend.She sipped the melted ice at the bottom of her glass and decided she would not say anything, either.</p><p>"--and there's more of us inside.How long is he going to be here?" Felix jerked his thumb at Ephraim.</p><p>"You know how he's like," Eirika said.</p><p>"You're both pains in the ass," Felix grumbled."So you're here for the long-haul.Get your dad if he wants to join us.Might as well.Since Lorenz started a trend of people crashing my party."</p><p>"Excuse me, but it was Sylvain's idea," Lorenz protested.</p><p>"All right," Eirika said."And thanks."</p><p>"What for, it's not like you're getting any booze from us," Felix snapped.</p><p>"I can't believe you're so mean to actual children," Annette said."Wait, no, that does sound like Felix."</p><p>Dimitri looked up absently from his conversation with Ephraim."Be nice."</p><p>Felix laughed, which made Ephraim look up in surprise.The teen gaped for a moment, then pulled himself together to say, "I'm not a child, I'm almost seventeen."</p><p>Everyone, even Marianne and Dedue, even <em>Dimitri</em>, said, in unison, "<em>Child.</em>"</p><p>Ephraim's jaw dropped, indignant, but he didn't seem able to come up with a reply.</p><p>"Excuse me," Lorenz broke the silence, "But you have fencing students?How did this happen?"</p><p>Felix recounted the story of how he'd nearly given Ephraim a concussion before being pestered into teaching, and that he'd hoped the siblings would quit after the first day.Marianne hid a soft laugh behind her hand, and Dedue asked Felix if he'd ever taught anything before.</p><p>"Not like this, I haven't.But I must be doing something right."</p><p>Ephraim scoffed in a very Felix-like way."As your student shouldn't I be the judge of that?"</p><p>"You little--so what's your verdict?"</p><p>"You've improved some," Ephraim said loftily.</p><p>Felix's scowl looked more like a grin."I can't believe I put up with you."</p><p>"Neither can I," Lorenz said.</p><p>"I wonder if you're even any <em>good</em> with a sword," Ephraim went on."I've never <em>seen</em> you fight anyone."</p><p>"I thought you'd have found my social media," Felix said.</p><p>"Nope, not me," Ephraim said."Don't any of your friends here know how to fence?"</p><p>"You're fishing for an exhibition match?In this heat?"</p><p>"Are you too p--hi Dad!"</p><p>Suddenly, Mia understood how Felix had been goaded into teaching the twins.If this was how Ephraim worked on his own, she could just imagine how well he could needle Felix with the help of his twin.</p><p>She was currently crossing the property line with a man who could only be their father."I really hope I'm not intruding on you young people," he said.</p><p>"It's fine," Felix said.He didn't get a chance to add that his party had already been crashed.</p><p>"Oh, you must be Dimitri Blaiddyd," the twins' father said, and introduced himself as Fado, and apologized for his children's behaviour.</p><p>Dimitri shook his head.His hair was pulled back, and he looked much neater than he had when Mia had seen him on tv, being interviewed after the game."I don't mind.I'm always happy to talk to young fans.Ephraim is telling me about his school league."</p><p>Fado declined an offer for something to drink, but Sylvain got up anyway to refill Mia's.Eirika sat on the arm of the couch, next to the spot Sylvain had just vacated--at the very edge.</p><p>The screen door slid shortly afterward, revealing Leonie.</p><p>"Yo, Felix, are we going to eat soon or what?Ingrid's cleaned up all the chips."</p><p>Felix groaned."We're still waiting for Dorothea, she shouldn't be much longer."</p><p>"How long is 'not much longer'?" Leonie asked."Holy crap there's new people out here."</p><p>Sighing, Felix apologized on her behalf and introduced his neighbours.</p><p>"Oh <em>you're</em> the fencing students!Hilarious," Leonie said."I'm so mad that he's teaching you for nothing."</p><p>"Oh my God, are you the girlfriend?" Eirika asked.</p><p>Leonie blinked."Am I the what now?"</p><p>Felix sat up straight."<em>Don't</em> tell them who it is," he insisted--and it was most likely directed at Dimitri, who was just opening his mouth, probably to point out Mia.</p><p>"That's not very kind," Dimitri said instead.</p><p>"It's not their business," Felix snapped."Besides, she doesn't want to get pestered."</p><p>Fado wore a look of disapproval."Please, Eirika, he's being kind enough to teach you self-defence.Don't pry."</p><p>"I'm not prying, I'm just <em>curious</em>!She made pretty little swords out of wire," Eirika pouted.</p><p>"Is your decor nothing but swords?" Fado asked.</p><p>Everyone outside said, "Yes."</p><p>"No, and it's called having a hobby," Felix said."Do you want a look around?See what I've done with the place?"</p><p>"Oh, I wouldn't want to take your time," Fado said.</p><p>Felix snorted."You think I want to stay out here with everyone mocking me for my taste?"</p><p>"Really, people," Leonie said, "what will his girlfriend think about your bullying?"</p><p>"Probably that it's f--fudging hilarious," Annette said, catching her language just in time.</p><p>The door slid open again, this time so that Sylvain could squeeze past Leonie with Mia's drink."What did I miss?"</p><p>"Apparently Felix's kids think he and I are dating," Leonie said.</p><p>"We're not 'Felix's kids', we're fencing students," Ephraim said, only to be ignored.</p><p>Sylvain cackled."I'm sorry, <em>why?</em>"He handed Mia her glass and she put a finger to her lips, hoping that conveyed the fact that Felix had not told them who his girlfriend really was.Sylvain winked at her and laughed. </p><p>"It's because she was upset at the idea that he'd give us lessons for free," Eirika said."Felix said that his girlfriend wasn't charitable like he is."</p><p>"Leonie's just cheap.They'd be so weird together, can you imagine?You two'd be in constant competition."Sylvain lightly punched Felix's shoulder as he passed.</p><p>"She'd be no competition when it came to fencing," Felix said, crossing his arms.</p><p>Leonie guffawed."I'd just dig a hole somewhere and then trap you."</p><p>"Hmm, they'd be cute," Annette said.</p><p>"Oh, and you, he would just ask to sing for him," Sylvain said.</p><p>Annette shouted."You're <em>right!</em>Mia, remember when he gave us a standing ovation at karaoke?He would be such a pain."As an afterthought, she added, "We're so lucky not to be dating him."</p><p>"Definitely dodged a bullet," Mia joked."Or--sword?"</p><p>"Okay, now I'm feeling bullied for real," Felix said.</p><p>Eirika apologized and stepped away from Sylvain's seat as he approached to sit down.</p><p>"Why don't you trade spots with Mia, she can come over here and sit on my lap," Sylvain said.</p><p>"Sylvain!" Dimitri gasped.</p><p>Mia slowly let her mouthful of drink back into the glass before she laughed and it ended up everywhere."Sylvain, <em>please</em>."</p><p>"I never get tired of hearing you say that, darling."Whether he was just trying to rule Mia out as being possibly Felix's girlfriend, or was trying to tease either of them into revealing the truth, she couldn't tell.Either option was very Sylvain-esque.Dimitri gasped and Annette shrieked.The twins and their father all looked perplexed, and a little appalled--the natural reaction to Sylvain.</p><p>"You're disgusting," Felix said."I'm showing off the house and then I'm gutting you with a training sword."</p><p>"I never get tired of hearing you say that, darling," Sylvain said."But if you want to actually do an exhibition match, the answer is no, I haven't fenced in years, and I'd rather stay in one piece.Tell him, Mia.I'm better in one piece."</p><p>Mia hid her face in her hand, which was dewy from the condensation on her glass."Felix, I give you permission to cut him into pieces with a blunt training sword."</p><p>"So it's settled," Felix said, while Sylvain whined.</p><p>Dimitri apologized for all of his friends, insisting that they were really quite nice people but sometimes their antics got out of hand."Please forgive them," he added."We're a lively group, as you can see, but we care about each other quite a lot."</p><p>"All right, I'm going in for a drink," Felix said, standing up."If you want to see the house, come on in, if not, I don't care."</p><p>"I wouldn't mind seeing what you've changed, I suppose," Fado said.</p><p>"Dimitri, go get your stuff from the car while Ephraim looks around inside," Sylvain suggested. </p><p>"But--" Ephraim protested, "I don't care about a tour of the house."</p><p>"I want to see his cats again," Eirika said.</p><p>Dimitri nodded and stood up, as well."Ah, yes, I should do that."</p><p>"You need to see Felix's sword collection," Sylvain said.</p><p>A little grudgingly, Ephraim agreed, and Felix's neighbours went inside.Dimitri held his hand out for the car keys, which Dedue tossed to him.</p><p>"Do you need me to go with you?" he asked.</p><p>"There's no need, you look comfortable, anyway," Dimitri said.He circled around the house, carried by his long legs.</p><p>There was a space of quiet, before Sylvain laughed."Okay, okay, I'm sorry Mia!It was too tempting.But that was the game, right?"</p><p>Mia got up from the arm of the sofa to sit in between Sylvain and Annette."I guess so.And there's no hard feelings, but I do wonder if Felix really is planning on disemboweling you."</p><p>"Fuck, I hope not," Sylvain said.</p><p>"Why's he so secretive," Annette whined."Is it just to mess with his neighbours?"</p><p>Leonie, still outside, took Mia's previous seat."Is that his idea of a joke?"</p><p>"I don't even know.I think he doesn't want them bothering him about it, and is basically just digging his heels in at this point," Mia said."Like he's been keeping it a mystery for this long and he doesn't know how to demystify it?"</p><p>Sylvain said that <em>he </em>thought it was funny."I promise not to push to see how far he's willing to take it, though.But fuck is it funny."</p><p>"I can see him dragging something like this out to make some kind of point.What's hard to imagine is him taking on students," Lorenz said.</p><p>Dedue cleared his throat."They clearly return his attitude, though.He seemed entertained."</p><p>"Oh yeah, he's so proud of them," Sylvain said.</p><p>"The way he introduced them as his fencing students was cute," Mercedes agreed.</p><p>"They're exactly what I'd expect Felix's students to be like," Marianne said.</p><p>Sweetpea reappeared, sitting up and resting their elbows on the table."They're just like me and Spike."</p><p>"Who?" Sylvain asked.</p><p>Sweetpea stared at him."Spike.Brier.My twin?"</p><p>"You've got a <em>twin</em>?" Annette yelled.</p><p>"You never mentioned that," Dedue said.</p><p>"Oh, which one of you is older?" Mia asked.</p><p>Sweetpea looked at her."Spike is.That's what we all call her--Brier's her official name."</p><p>"So, Spike as in like briar thorns?" Mia clarified.She could picture a woman of close to Sweetpea's height, with short, spiked up hair.</p><p>"Yes, well done.That and she's prickly, kind of like Felix."Unprompted, Sweetpea told them about Spike's cat, an enormous Maine Coone called Madame Pantaloons."If you ever have more kittens to re-home I think she'd take one."</p><p>Mia said that she would remember that.The conversation turned to pets again--and who Mia could possibly foist a cat on should the need arise.Marianne said that she wished she could, but with the three of them, Blade the dog, and their tendency to leave the doors open in the summer for air, it wouldn't be easy to cat-proof their home.Leonie reminded her of the cats that sometimes frequented the stables, but agreed that Blade would not be good with cats.</p><p>"He's still too excitable," she explained."Wait until he's an old man, then he'll be better."</p><p>Mercedes laughed, and asked Annette whether Crusher would like a friend.</p><p>"Ugh, he'd be <em>terrified</em> of a kitten!It would be cute.But I can't put my baby through that," Annette said."Why don't you get a cat, Mercie?"</p><p>"My brother actually has one, she's blind in one eye but very sweet."</p><p>Dimitri reappeared from around the house, with a bag in his hands and Dorothea at his side."Everyone's here now!"</p><p>Leonie grinned."Oh thank God, I can tell Ingrid and we can eat.How was the drive?"</p><p>Dorothea described the horrible traffic and the construction that had made her so late.Everyone got up and filed into the house.</p><p>With everyone inside, the kitchen and front room were packed.Mia didn't see Bernadetta anywhere, which made her wonder if she was hiding out in the basement to get a break from all the people.Sylvain said he'd text her and see about bringing some food down for her if she wanted.</p><p>Felix was wrapping up his tour."I <em>might</em> paint the other rooms, but it'll be harder to keep the cats out of some.I guess I can leave them with my dad, but it's kind of a hassle."</p><p>"We could babysit them, right dad?" Eirika chirped.</p><p>Mia saw Felix stiffen at the suggestion.He barely trusted <em>her</em> to feed them right, she could just imaginehow he felt about them being in a strange house, with <em>teens</em>. </p><p>"It's not like I won't be taking them back to the city when I go for work," Felix said, carefully.Mia wondered what Estoc would think of Angie, were they to meet.Maybe it wasn't a good idea."Either way, it's not something I'm worried about at the moment."</p><p>"No," Fado agreed, "it's quite nice inside.I wouldn't change anything that wasn't really bothering me."</p><p>"Felix!" Dimitri called, "Dorothea's here now!"</p><p>Felix looked over at Dimitri's shout, then said over his shoulder, to Ingrid in the front room, "All right, <em>now</em> we can eat."</p><p>Ingrid pumped her fist in the air.Felix went into the kitchen to begin getting the food ready--all cold things stored in the fridge, wraps and sandwiches from the local grocery chain.</p><p>"Fe-Fe, you won't even say hello to me?" Dorothea protested.</p><p>He withdrew from the fridge, rolling his eyes."I've told you not to call me that.Hello."</p><p>Dorothea hugged him one-armed around his shoulders, and stood up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek."Was that so hard?"</p><p>Going red, Felix muttered at her not to <em>do</em> that, and returned to the business of setting up the counter.</p><p>"Oh, <em>that's</em> gotta be her," Eirika whispered.</p><p>"Eirika," Fado chided."What did I tell you?"</p><p>Dorothea noticed the unfamiliar guests and made Felix introduce them.</p><p>"Dorothea and I fenced together in school," he said, gruffly.</p><p>"Oh, cool!" Ephraim said.Sylvain, opening a bottle of wine, said that maybe <em>she</em> could duel Felix to show off.</p><p>"Wow, that's so romantic," Eirika agreed.</p><p>Felix snorted."Huh?No."</p><p>"We did fence together," Dorothea said, and Mia could picture it--Dorothea gracefully holding a blade."I joined the club to impress girls, and then I <em>tried</em> to impress Felix but I wasn't good enough.He was single-minded back then."</p><p>"I'm still single-minded," Felix muttered, prying the plastic lid off a tray.Ingrid hovered behind him, a paper plate already in her hand.</p><p>Dorothea shot him a patronizing look."Oh, honey."</p><p>"Okay, but how many girls did you impress?" Sylvain asked, pouring her a glass of white wine.</p><p>"A couple," Dorothea said, coyly."Felix wasn't interested in me but he helped a lot with my form.And I say that in the most boring way possible."</p><p>"You were good, you just needed to commit more," Felix admitted.Mia felt a pang of something at the thought of his and Dorothea's shared history.With a little start, she realized it was jealousy.Mia shook her head, because she hadn't even been a part of Felix's life then, he hadn't even had feelings for Dorothea, and Mia was happy with how things were going, now.With all that settled, Mia let herself relax, and turn over in her mind the more intriguing question of whether she should ask for a sword lesson or two, herself.</p><p>Ingrid reached for a sandwich that looked like roast beef, and Felix slapped her hand away.She made a face at him, which he ignored.</p><p>Dorothea mused that fencing wasn't even the way to get to Felix's heart."When here it was cats all along."She glanced at the window."Oh, Mia, these are adorable!"</p><p>So the jig was up.Sylvain let out a drawn out "Noo!Ah, we forgot to brief her!"</p><p>"Thanks," Mia said, scooting closer."I didn't know you fenced."</p><p>"Wait, <em>she's</em> the girlfriend?" Eirika asked.</p><p>"Are you impressed?" Dorothea asked Mia, who laughed and said that she was, a little.</p><p>"I thought you said she was like you," Ephraim said."I was picturing more of a--never mind."</p><p>"Hang on, are you flirting with my girlfriend," Felix asked Dorothea.</p><p>She just looked at him over the rim of her glass.</p><p>"Wait.All this time.Have you been flirting with <em>me?</em>"</p><p>Dorothea laughed."Yes?Thanks for noticing?"</p><p>Mia spotted Lorenz talking to Lysithea."Hey, Lorenz!Tell Felix's neighbours how you heard of me."</p><p>"Can we <em>please</em> start eating?" Ingrid moaned.</p><p>Dorothea apologized for keeping them, and Felix snapped at her not to be sorry.Fado protested that they didn't want to impose, and was met with insistence from everyone that there was more than enough food for all of them.</p><p>"I thought you didn't want anyone that wasn't on your guest-list," Mia heard Lorenz murmur to Felix, who scoffed, held his nose in the air, and said that he didn't dislike his neighbours.Lorenz looked too amused to be offended.</p><p>While everyone got food--and there <em>was</em> plenty--Sylvain asked if Dorothea would be willing to take his place in an exhibition match against Felix.</p><p>"No, you're the one I want to gut," Felix said.When Ashe asked him why, Felix said that Sylvain had flirted with Mia outside.</p><p>"Dorothea flirted with Mia <em>inside</em>," Sylvain whined.</p><p>"She flirted with me, too," Felix said.</p><p>
  <em>"So did I!"</em>
</p><p>Dimitri said that he would offer to duel Felix, but that he'd probably break one of the training swords by accident. </p><p>"If you want to duel Felix you have to flirt with Mia, first," Leonie announced.</p><p>Dimitri looked horrified and Felix said "No!"</p><p>Lysithea groaned about the conversation <em>always</em> coming back to swords, to which Mercedes remarked that at least this time they were talking about <em>using</em> them.Mia agreed, saying there was really no point to having swords if you weren't going to stab someone with them.</p><p>Ephraim and Eirika, who had also heard Lorenz describe Mia's competition with Virion, seemed to get it after that.</p><p>With her plate balancing a very full wrap and some salad, Mia followed Felix to the front room."I'm sorry for bullying you before."</p><p>"When?Oh, with Annette.Don't worry about that, and besides, I'm the one who tried to pretend you weren't even here."</p><p>"You're silly," Mia said."It was funny."</p><p>"Felix, come eat outside with us!" Dimitri called.</p><p>"What about my other guests?"</p><p>"Ah, you're right, I'm monopolizing you and I'm sorry, I--"</p><p>"Don't worry," Felix said."It's fine."</p><p>Dimitri relaxed."I really did want to eat outside."</p><p>"Then eat outside, I'll join you for dessert."</p><p>Lysithea perched on the edge of a chair."<em>You</em>, eat dessert?I need to see this."</p><p>"I never said that <em>I</em> was going to have dessert," Felix clarified.</p><p>"Annette's right, you are evil," Lysithea said.</p><hr/><p>Felix was relieved that everything was going so well.He'd known that it would have to, but a part of him had been worried that the weather would have been a problem, forcing them all inside where they would be pressed against each other like sardines.He'd worried that the amount of people would have been too much for Bernadetta, or even himself, but she emerged on her own to get a plate of food, and ate it at the edge of the front room, sitting beside Dedue.Felix himself was only a little overwhelmed, when too many of his friends tried to talk over each other at once, while he was also worrying about his neighbours.</p><p>His concerns proved unfounded, though.Ephraim was happily talking about sports with Dimitri and Sweetpea outside, while Eirika asked Mia quietly about her jewellery.Mia swallowed a mouthful of salad and showed off the ring she was wearing, blues and teals like the ocean.</p><p>"That's really pretty," Eirika said.</p><p>Mia thanked her, and told her about her shop and also Hilda's."Maybe we'll have to do a crafting get-together here sometime," Mia suggested.</p><p>Felix could just imagine how that would look."What's wrong with your house?"</p><p>"Yours is closer to Ingrid," Mia said.</p><p>Eirika asked what Mia used to make all these things, to which Mia replied, "Wire. Pliers."</p><p>Felix snorted."Some things just go together."</p><p>Mia nodded."Yes, that's how that goes.Higher, wire, and pliers.And beads.Bring sparkly back once more."</p><p>"They'll love that," Felix said, not sure why he was pushing his luck with the <em>Pop 101</em> references in front of people.</p><p>"For sure.Anyway," Mia went on to describe, simply, how she made either rings or pendants or earrings.Eirika listened with interest, and Felix turned his attention to Dedue and Bernadetta quietly discussing plants.Fado asked after the cats, and Felix explained that this was more people than they were typically used to.That, and Spinach Puff was probably having a nap under the bed.</p><p>Everyone finished eating--Felix saw Ingrid creep into the kitchen for seconds, and thirds, although she wasn't alone in this.Dimitri and Sweetpea both ate a fair amount as well, and Ephraim gobbled sandwiches at an impressive pace. </p><p>Before the dessert Mia had chosen--ice cream sandwiches and popsicles--could be distributed, though, Dimitri called everyone inside with his booming voice.</p><p>"I want to do a toast first!"</p><p>Felix groaned, along with Ingrid and Lysithea.</p><p>"We did one in May," Ingrid protested.</p><p>"I wasn't there, so it doesn't count," Dimitri said.</p><p>"You don't even drink," Felix said.</p><p>Dimitri held up a glass of water."But I do!"</p><p>"Fine, but I don't have enough shot glasses if the <em>adults</em> who drink want anything stronger."</p><p>It took some fussing before everyone had either refilled their drinks from earlier in the afternoon, or decided on something new to enjoy.Felix stood at one end of the counter with the bottle of whiskey he'd already had open, leaving the gift from Lorenz untouched for the time being.</p><p>"Oh, good, so Sylvain's suggestion wasn't completely unfounded," Lorenz said.To Felix's surprise, he accepted a shot of whiskey rather than a refill of wine.</p><p>Leonie cracked open a fresh beer <em>and</em> asked for a shot, while Mia and Lysithea each asked Sylvain to mix them up something fresh.That suited Felix, who wanted the sweet fruit juices out of his fridge by the end of the weekend.Eirika asked for an alcohol-free version of the drink, and Fado let himself be pressured into a shot by Sylvain.</p><p>When everyone had a drink in hand, crowding in Felix's little kitchen, Dimitri took centre-stage and held up his water.</p><p>"I want to begin by thanking everyone for being here," Dimitri said.</p><p>Felix threw his head back."Not a speech.Come on--"</p><p>"--and also Felix, for hosting us in his lovely new home."</p><p>"Cute home!" Sylvain yelled.</p><p>Dimitri beamed at him."I wish that I could have helped you move in, so I'm very grateful that you wanted to invite us all here so that the rest of us could see it for the first time.I'm so happy that all of us could make it today.It's also really nice to meet your neighbours, and I do love how much our little group of friends has grown just in this past year."</p><p>Felix shut his eyes and rocked his weight back and forth, impatient for the speech to be over.Had Dimitri practiced this?Or was it just a talent, that he could talk for hours about sappy things like it was nothing?</p><p>"--You've always been independent, and I've always admired you for that.But it also means we've had our difficulties, and seeing you here in your new home, not cut off from anyone but welcoming us into your life--the significance is not lost on me, and I'm so happy for you.I'm happy for you to have this house, and to have your cats and neighbours that you like, and I hope that you can have many wonderful memories here.It's a lovely street."</p><p>Oh, Dimitri had <em>not</em> practiced this, he was making it up on the spot, which made it worse.He could ramble on endlessly.But it seemed he wasn't going to.</p><p>"So!"Dimitri held his glass high over his head."Here is to you and to the new life you are starting in this home!I hope that it is bright and happy and everything that you want.Felix, our friend!"</p><p>Everyone <em>awwed</em>, and drank.Felix knocked back his shot, then hid his burning face behind the hand holding his glass.This was much worse than the toast that had been made when he'd first moved in.All eyes were on him, and he felt like he was expected to say something to follow <em>that</em>.</p><p>"Thank you," Felix whispered.Louder, he said, "Everyone, for dropping in.Thanks for being a part of--this.It'd be pretty sad if you weren't.Ugh, why'd you have to--just--I guess, drive home safely and shit."He was aware that he finished by mumbling, and that he was swearing in front of his neighbours which he'd been trying not to do.He turned to the side to better hide his face as his guests <em>awwed</em> again, along with letting out a few audible snickers. </p><p>"Felix," Dimitri said, softly.</p><p>Ingrid stepped up."Yes, to all of us!Let's have dessert now!"</p><p>There was a ragged cheer, mostly from Lysithea.Felix hung back, seeing as he didn't want any dessert and Ingrid was taking charge of that, anyway.Dimitri hunched his shoulders and joined him at the wall.</p><p>"Did I embarrass you?I'm sorry.I just wanted to express--"</p><p>"It's fine, Dimitri," Felix said."I'm just bad at this.How do you do it?"</p><p>"I just worry about <em>not</em> saying anything and so then I let anything spill out," Dimitri said."I get so nervous beforehand that I'll--do what I just did.And then I do it anyway.I'm just so glad that we're all together."</p><p>Felix rubbed his glass against his lip."Yeah.Me, too."</p><p>Everyone went outside to eat their dessert, so that any melted ice cream would land in the grass and not on Felix's floor.They spread across the lawn, in the bright sunlight, wishing for clouds but expressing their gratitude that the weather had been clear.In the end, Dimitri had been right--it was sunny and nice, and a wonderful time.</p><p>Sylvain stole half of Ingrid's popsicle and she chased him, indignant.Leonie and Marianne laughed, and Sweetpea had taken off their shoes to stand barefoot in the grass.Mercedes and Annette stayed in the shade of the big umbrella, talking to Dedue.Mia and Ashe caught up, discussing what he had been reading and what Mia had been doing instead.Felix had poured himself some water and stayed at the edge of things.</p><p>Once sticky fingers were cleaned up, Dimitri offered some Leaf's merch to Ephraim and Eirika, which he signed for them.They thanked him, and he got awkward.Felix looked on happily, then suggested Sylvain get ready for a duel.</p><p>"You were <em>serious?</em>"</p><p>"I'm always serious about swords," Felix said."I'll go easy on you."</p><p>"No you won't," Sylvain said.</p><p>Felix felt his mouth quirk up."No, I won't."He went inside for his practice swords and tossed one to Sylvain, who caught it easily, then leaned it against the couch to begin unbuttoning his patterned shirt.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Felix asked.</p><p>Sylvain pouted."I don't want to sweat up my shirt.It's stupid hot."</p><p>"Your shirt?I wouldn't say that," Dorothea said.</p><p>"I meant the weather," Sylvain retorted."Although I don't need a hot shirt when I am hot enough."</p><p>Dorothea rolled her eyes at him.</p><p>"He'll have the advantage if you overheat," Mia said.</p><p>Felix gawked at her."Are you--"</p><p>"True," Sylvain said.Shirt discarded, he picked up his sword and gave it a couple of test swings."Are you shy, Felix?Do you think I look that much better than you?"</p><p>"Ugh, whatever," Felix didn't care.He pulled his t-shirt over his head and threw it down."I'm not only not going to go easy on you, I'm going to go extra hard and make you regret coming here today."</p><p>"Felix, take it easy," Ingrid said.</p><p>"I'm destroying him."</p><p>"So sure about that?" Sylvain said.</p><p>They both knew that Felix was not only much better at fencing, but also practiced regularly.That didn't stop Sylvain's goading from working, or the excitement of having his first practice duel in his own backyard.</p><p>"Cut him apart!" Mia yelled, as everyone made a space in the yard and the two combatants stood across from each other.</p><p>Despite her competitive words, she was red-faced, watching him.Felix blushed, too.What was he doing?In front of him, Sylvain struck a pose and some of the girls booed him, while Mercedes whistled.</p><p>Felix shook his head--his hair was sticky where his bangs rested on his forehead, and against the back of his neck.This was ridiculous, but he was maybe a little happy to be showing off.While he knew this wouldn't be nearly the kind of duel that Lon'qu gave him, it was like the old days, playing with his friends.</p><p>Ingrid, as the most reasonable of their childhood group, took it on herself to be the referee and judge.She raised her hands like this was a formula one race, and then dropped them, shouting to start the duel.</p><p>Felix made a light swing at Sylvain's side.Instead of blocking, he jumped out of the way. </p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>"Backing out already?" Felix asked, trying to sound bored.</p><p>Sylvain laughed, and thrust.Felix blocked it easily.If he'd parried, Sylvain would have been disarmed and the match would be over.</p><p>"Come on, you remember more than that."</p><p>"I remember you being insufferable," Sylvain remarked."Glad that hasn't changed."</p><p>He thrust again, and this time his footwork was better and his shoulders were almost in the proper line.Felix blocked, parried, easily and gently.Sylvain managed a block, then picked up speed as his body remembered the moves.</p><p>Felix found he didn't mind going a little easy on Sylvain, either.The air was warm and sweet, the sun beginning its long descent.Their friends surrounded them, cheering and yelling.Their swords let out a sharp, wooden clatter whenever they met. </p><p>Once Sylvain began to feel comfortable in the rhythm, he tried taunting Felix, asking if that was all he had."I guess it's true, those who can't do, teach!"</p><p>Felix grinned wolfishly and went on the offensive.He swung his sword with more force, pushing Sylvain backward.Then, on purpose, he let their swords meet--the wood ground out a rough sound.</p><p>Sylvain had a lot of strength with which to bear down on Felix, digging into the lawn.But Felix had practiced this with Lon'qu.</p><p>He dropped to one knee and rolled, kicking Sylvain's legs out from under him.Sylvain went down into the soft grass, letting out an 'oof!'</p><p>Jumping to his feet, Felix pointed the tip of his wooden blade at Sylvain's throat.</p><p>"Too easy," Felix said.</p><p>Sylvain groaned."You could've made me look cool for a little longer, you know."</p><p>"Impossible, you didn't look cool once," Felix said.He wiped his hand on his shorts and offered it to Sylvain, who yanked him down.Felix tumbled into the grass, growling as Sylvain rubbed his hair madly.</p><p>"Now who's not coo--eugh!"Felix's elbow caught him in the chest.</p><p>"You're both such dorks," Ingrid said.She did not reach out to help either of them, knowing that they would pull her down with them.That was left to Dimitri, who offered both hands.Felix and Sylvain each took one, and yanked.</p><p>Dimitri did not budge.Instead, he hauled them upright in unison, laughing."That looked so fun!Sylvain, you must still be practicing!You did great."</p><p>"He didn't," Felix said.</p><p>"Felix was toying with me, a cat with a mouse," Sylvain said.</p><p>"At least you could tell," Felix said, wiping his sweaty hand on his shorts again once Dimitri had let him go."Who's next?"</p><p>Ingrid groaned."No one, you're both getting out of the sun before you burn."</p><p>That was for the best.Felix rolled his shoulder and tried not to look at their gathered friends, as he was suddenly feeling quite exposed now that the competition was over and the stupidity that had washed over him had receded.</p><p>"I'd face off against you," Ephraim said.</p><p>Felix snorted."Remind me.Have I taught you how to block yet?"</p><p>"Starting to think that's the first thing you should teach," Sylvain said, flexing his hand.</p><p>"Offence is more important," Ephraim said.</p><p>Felix shook his head."<em>Speed</em> and <em>precision</em> are more important.You heard Ingrid, anyway, we're getting out of the sun."</p><p>Ephraim made a remark about how Felix let himself get bullied by a horse girl, but Ephraim had never been ordered to do something by Ingrid.It was usually not worth it to argue.</p><p>"Mia," Sylvain whined, "give me a consolatory kiss?"Felix punched him on the arm for being embarrassing.</p><p>Mia stood between Ashe and Annette, and seemed like she was trying very hard not to look at either Felix or Sylvain."No.You lost, and I'm dumping you.It's over between us, Sylvain."</p><p>Sylvain gasped."Oh!Scorned again!You're right Felix, I should have practiced more!Mia please, reconsider!"</p><p>"You're so stupid," Felix grumbled.</p><p>"You can't defend me, Sylvain," Mia said, clearly fighting laughter--as were Annette and Ashe."My heart belongs to Felix, now."</p><p>It was a weird conclusion to a stupid game, but Felix's stomach twisted up when he remembered that she <em>did</em> love him.For real.And he loved what they had, and that she was so comfortable among his other friends, a welcome part of the group who could make them laugh. </p><p>"I'd say I'm lucky," Felix said, "but I guess.In this case, it was skill."</p><p>"Yes," Mia said, "although I did notice you recycling moves from your duel with Lon'qu."</p><p>Annette squealed."Oooh!Kiss lady fair!Kiss lady fair!"</p><p>"No," Felix snapped.It was mortifying, with so many people around, and when he was feeling deep feelings for Mia and actually really wanted to kiss her.That was unfair.</p><p>"Awww," Annette and Ashe groaned.</p><p>"Awww," Sylvain said, in Felix's ear."Don't you want to?"</p><p>Felix swatted at him, red-faced."Of <em>course </em>I want to, just not--"</p><p>"Then what are you waiting for?"</p><p>Regrettably, Sylvain was right.Everyone knew that Felix was crazy about Mia, no matter how he tried to hide it, and he didn't really want to do that, anymore.He wanted her to know that he meant what he said, that he loved her, that he wanted to be good enough for her--not just for a moment but all the time. </p><p>"Mia?" he asked.</p><p>"Just kiss me," Mia said, placing herself squarely in front of him."Oh champion."</p><p>Felix leaned closer, mindful that he didn't get his sticky chest anywhere near her, and they kissed to a ridiculous chorus of cheers.Their friends were stupid, Felix thought, dimly.But he was glad that they were, and glad that they pushed him beyond what he was comfortable with.He was glad that they wanted him and Mia to be together, as ridiculous as it seemed.</p><p>The sun was still harsh, and hot.The air smelled of warm grass and dry soil, and the pale blue sky was free of clouds.Their friends talked and laughed, and Felix looked at his house with the sunlight glancing off the windows.A feeling of <em>home</em> settled on him, of comfort, and acceptance.He'd done the right thing, after all, moving out here, and he was so happy that his friends agreed. </p><p>Dimitri had been right in his speech, about a lot of things, and he'd been right about how different he and Felix were.They were so lucky to have reconciled.</p><p>As the sun sank lower, casting long shadows on the street, someone suggested they set up a game of street hockey.Felix joined, playing with Sylvain and Ingrid against Dimitri, Sweetpea, and Ephraim.The others watched from the front yard, or at the very least, glanced over between their own conversations.</p><p>Things would never be the same as when they were kids.Each of them--Felix, Dimitri, Sylvain, and Ingrid--had gone through too much, grown and changed almost to the point of being unrecognizable.Underneath it all, though, and no matter who else they brought into their lives, they would always have the same love for each other.</p><p>Together, they'd built this, and Felix wouldn't trade it for anything.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's been exactly 1 year since I posted chapter 1 of the Eh-U!! So far it's been such a blast writing this, and such a big help to me personally to have such a positive project during what was a really awful year.</p><p>Thank you to anyone who's read, commented, kudos'ed, or shared this! I love you! Whether you were here from the start or just recently, whether you've left a comment or not, I'm happy that you've joined me on this journey. It's stretched out Way longer than I ever expected, but I'm so happy it has.</p><p>And there's still more on the way! I'm really excited for the next few chapters ;)<br/>I hope that you stay safe and take care of yourself! Be well!</p><p>..also the title is from 'Have it All' by Jason Mraz</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0068"><h2>68. i'll sift through all the words i spoke</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>well i guess this is one way to wind down after the Longest Chapter Yet</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Slowly, Felix's guests said their goodbyes and headed back home, and he was left just with Dimitri, Dedue, and Sweetpea.They sat in Felix's front room after a little bit of cleanup, which Dimitri insisted on, chatting and stroking the cats.Dimitri seemed inclined to stay up all night, talking, but Dedue succeeded where Felix failed, in convincing him that such a late night wouldn't be good for him.</p><p>Felix wished them goodnight after brushing his teeth and his hair, and bringing a sheet and pillow out to the front room, as well as a blanket for Sweetpea.Settling down on the couch, Felix quietly explained to Estoc why things were different for tonight.She yelled at him.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he murmured."But we can sleep out here one night."</p><p>Rubbing her ears finally calmed her down, though she still kneaded at his chest with her claws.Felix grit his teeth and let his head fall back, and tried to relax.</p><p>He--and Estoc--were both drifting off when Sweetpea spoke up.</p><p>"It's like a sleepover," they said, their voice low.</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"A sleepover," Sweetpea repeated.</p><p>Felix exhaled, long and loud."Okay."</p><p>"I never had sleepovers as a kid."</p><p>Felix had never given much thought to what Sweetpea's childhood might have been like, he'd just assumed it must have been unusual and left it at that.</p><p>"It's only fun if you like the people," Felix said.Sylvain, Ingrid, and Dimitri had stayed over so often they felt more like a part of growing up than a special occasion.</p><p>"Truth or Dare," Sweetpea said.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Sweeptea repeated it.</p><p>Felix groaned."It's midnight, I had a long day with a million people, I'm not--"</p><p>"Okay," Sweetpea said, and there was actually something like sadness in their voice.</p><p>This was unacceptable, Felix was not going to let the enigmatic coach play on his heartstrings.He was cold and unfeeling and above all, <em>tired,</em> and Sweetpea was sad about missing out on sleepovers as a child and might not have even <em>had</em> friends outside of their twin, who Felix hadn't even heard about until today.</p><p>Growling, Felix said, "Fine, Truth."He was <em>not</em> going to be getting up for any reason.</p><p>"Why do you like swords so much?"</p><p>Of course they had gone for a question with a long, difficult answer.Felix turned his head, but the coffee table blocked his view of Sweetpea.</p><p>"They're cool.There's different kinds.There's something about--weapons where it's just you and your opponent and your skills.Always getting stronger."</p><p>"But what got you into them?" Sweetpea asked.</p><p>"That's a different question.Either you take your turn or go to sleep."</p><p>There was a sound of Sweetpea turning over, or moving around."Fine.Truth, because if I say Dare you'll dare me to sleep."</p><p>"That's true."Felix tried to think of something to ask Sweetpea, but no matter how his mind raced, it seemed to come up empty. </p><p>"Felix?Did you fall asleep?"</p><p>"No.Why do you like flowers so much?"</p><p>"They're pretty.They make good gifts.They're impermanent.If I give you a daffodil you get to enjoy it for a few days and then throw it out.You're not obligated to keep it around forever."</p><p>For some reason, Felix's mind went to Mia's swords, and the dagger from Dimitri, and the knight from Glenn, and even Bunny, who had been a gift from his parents."Sometimes it's nice to have something to remember people by," he whispered.</p><p>"Hm.I'd rather not burden people when I'm not around."</p><p>"That's not really up to you," Felix snapped."Sometimes people want to keep their memories forever.Besides, if you always give someone daffodils then they're still going to think of you whenever they see one."</p><p>"Are we talking about death?"</p><p>"No," Felix said, and he would have turned onto his side, away from the disembodied voice of Sweetpea, except Estoc was still lying on his chest.</p><p>"Oh.What got you into swords?"</p><p>Felix grit his teeth."My brother, when we were kids."</p><p>"The one who died?"</p><p>"I only had the one," Felix hissed.</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>Sweetpea went quiet, and Felix could just hear his own breathing.Estoc's weight on his chest was almost unbearably warm, so he stuck his leg out from under his sheet.Light from a vehicle turning onto the street shone bright through the window, then it was dark again.</p><p>Felix shut his eyes. </p><p>"I'm bad at this, I'm sorry."</p><p>Felix wished that he could just pretend to be asleep, but he couldn't."Bad at what?"</p><p>"Emotional things.I can get a team to co-operate.I can figure out people's weaknesses and how to help them improve on them.I'm good at guessing how long things are going to take.But I'm bad at being a person."</p><p>It was a lot for Sweetpea to say, and seemed strangely honest--though Felix had never any reason to believe they had a tendency to lie.Not about something like this.</p><p>"You helped Dimitri, though.Emotionally," Felix added.</p><p>There was a soft sigh."He just needed to talk.I can listen pretty well if I don't have to talk.Are you like that?"</p><p>Felix nodded."But I'm also bad at listening."</p><p>"So if you don't want to talk, and I don't have any flowers to give, I don't know what to do," Sweetpea said.</p><p>"You gave me flowers," Felix reminded them.</p><p>"But not for bringing up your brother."</p><p>"You don't have to do anything, it's fine."</p><p>Sweetpea lurched upward, into view."I don't get it."</p><p>"You can drop it.We don't have to talk.And seeing as neither of us wants to, it should be easy to get along."Thinking about Sweetpea's mysterious childhood, he added, "As friends."</p><p>"Oh!We are?"</p><p>"You're sleeping at my house, I should think so."</p><p>"I guess so.Thank you."Sweetpea stayed sitting upright, their face impossible to see in the darkness.</p><p>Felix huffed, and lightly ran his fingertips along Estoc's long tail."Whatever.I'm sure it's not as great as Dimitri makes it sound."</p><p>"Maybe not, but he thinks we should get along, too.He says I'm his friend, but I'm not sure."</p><p>"What, that he means it?Dimitri always means stuff like that."</p><p>In the dark, Sweetpea tilted their head."I'm always faking it though."</p><p>It occurred to Felix that he knew next to nothing about Sweetpea, and instead of being more open, they'd only gotten more difficult to read.In the time he'd known them, they'd completely overwritten their own name with a nickname.</p><p>Felix didn't talk about Glenn a lot, but he had his reasons.Sweetpea's sibling was still alive, but she'd never come up once in conversation until that afternoon.How much did Dimitri know about his coach?How much was enough to consider them a friend?</p><p>Did Sweetpea think that no one would like them, if they didn't put on an act?Was that what their often cryptic statements were really about?</p><p>"We can end the game, if that's what you want," Felix said, carefully.He didn't know whose turn it even was, anymore.</p><p>"No, that's losing.I'll go."</p><p>Felix bit his lip."All right, Truth?Or Dare?"</p><p>There was a long pause where Sweetpea just stayed very still.Felix hoped he wasn't being watched by those bright green eyes of theirs.</p><p>"Dare," Sweetpea said at last.</p><p>"I dare you to go to sleep."</p><p>Sweetpea exhaled and flopped down onto their pile of cushions."Okay," they breathed."Thank you."</p><p>"Hmph.Anytime."</p><p>The sound Sweetpea made might have been a laugh, but after that, they were quiet.On Felix's chest, Estoc stretched in her sleep.He relaxed, too, and dreamt of swords and the party.</p><p>The only real difference from the actual day was that Glenn was there, too.</p>
<hr/><p>The next morning, Felix didn't see Sweetpea until he was feeding the cats and chanced to look out the kitchen window.Sweetpea was lying in the morning sun, in the middle of the lawn.It reminded Felix of their strange, late-night conversation, but Sweetpea didn't mention it when they came inside with a few blades of grass stuck in their pale green hair.They just greeted Felix and bent down to pet the cats.</p><p>After breakfast, Dimitri insisted on helping Felix clean up the rest of the house after the party, including vacuuming the floors and putting chairs and pillows back to rights.With her throne reassembled, Estoc climbed to the top of her cushion pile and yawned wide.</p><p>"Well, I don't need to ask what you plan on doing with all of these after the party," Dimitri said.</p><p>Dedue was smiling."I can see that you're already thinking of something similar for Princess."</p><p>"Well, she deserves a throne!Ten cushions high!"</p><p>"No, not higher than Estoc's," Felix said.</p><p>"Princess and the Pea," Sweetpea murmured, thoughtful.</p><p>Felix snorted."What kind of pea?"</p><p>Sweetpea blinked at him, then smiled."Oh!That's funny."</p><p>Soon, Felix's house was back to normal.He would have liked to take care of this all by himself, after everyone had gone, to combat the sudden emptiness of the building, but he was also glad for the help.Dimitri said that he wished that he could stay longer.</p><p>"Oh, I'm so sorry, I meant to ask back in May, but what did your dad think of the house?"</p><p>"You were a little busy then," Felix pointed out."He likes it.Ugh, that reminds me, I'm supposed to call him tonight."</p><p>"Is everything going well, there?" Dimitri asked, quietly.</p><p>Felix shrugged."I think so.Better than when we were under the same roof."</p><p>"Oh, good.I'm relieved.I didn't like it when you were fighting," Dimitri said.</p><p>Neither had Felix. </p><p>"I was so surprised to see Lorenz," Dimitri went on, and Felix had to explain that they'd seen each other at Sylvain's birthday and somewhat reconciled. </p><p>All of Dimitri's conversation couldn't change that he and his companions had to leave, soon.The discussion tapered off into goodbyes and Felix suffered through another hug from Dimitri, which he returned since he wasn't sure when they'd get to see each other next.</p><p>And then Felix was on his own again, with his cats and nothing much to do.</p><p>Putting on some music, the volume low, Felix did some exercises with his swords in the basement where it was cooler, then had a shower. </p><p>That was when he remembered his dreams, and that he hadn't written them down.To his immense relief, nothing horrible had happened in them, but it was still important to record that.Felix forwent drying his hair and let it hang damp down his back after towelling it off to the best of his ability.Then, he sat on the bed, cross-legged, and wrote down what he remembered.</p><p>It wasn't much, but he wanted to cling to it.In the dream, Glenn had just been a part of the group.Of course, he would be much older than how Felix remembered him, but the feeling was what mattered.Felix hadn't had a chance to talk to him or hear him say anything in the dream, but Glenn had been smiling, talking to Mia and Annette.</p><p>Glenn's birthday was at the end of July.He would have been turning thirty-five.Felix closed his notebook and tapped his pen against the cover.</p>
<hr/><p>That evening, Felix decided to mix two tasks into one session.He hated talking on the phone without something to occupy his hands, so he picked one of the neglected swords that had once slept beneath his bed to polish.Sitting down at his kitchen table with it, Felix set his phone to speaker and placed it beside him.</p><p>Calling his dad every week wasn't as bad as Felix had dreaded when the old man had first suggested it.Felix never had much to say, but Rodrigue gave him work updates, and Angie updates, and it alleviated some of the guilt he'd felt about leaving home. </p><p>This week he had the party to talk about, but Felix was already tired of discussing it after going over everything that had happened with Dimitri just that morning.</p><p><em>"Well, as long as everyone had fun, and got home safely,"</em> Rodrigue said, after getting nothing more than a few one-word answers from Felix.</p><p>"We're adults, dad, you don't have to worry about us," Felix groaned.</p><p><em>"I know, but you know how I am</em>," Rodrigue said.He sounded sheepish.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."Everyone got home safe, because we're smart."</p><p>
  <em>"Yes.I'm glad."</em>
</p><p>"Uh-huh."</p><p>
  <em>"And when can I expect you home?"</em>
</p><p>This was home, Felix thought--that had been the point of him moving out."Next weekend.Hey, can I ask something?"</p><p>"<em>Always!"</em></p><p>Felix let out a 'hmph'."On the twenty-ninth, can I bring Mia with me?"</p><p>The silence that met his question was less than encouraging.</p><p>"Dad?"</p><p>Rodrigue's voice was almost too quiet to hear.<em>"That's Glenn's birthday."</em></p><p>Every year, they visited the cemetery to lay flowers on his grave, and Felix's mother's.It was better than the anniversary of Glenn's death, when Rodrigue would have that week's church service dedicated to him and the feeling of loss was almost too much to bear.Felix hated marking that date, dredging up all the awful memories of how they'd heard the news, and how afraid and in pain he'd been.Glenn's birthday was different.It still hurt, but at least they could think of the happier times.</p><p>"Yeah.I--that's why I'm asking."</p><p>"<em>Are you sure you want to bring your girlfriend?</em>" Rodrigue asked, a little plaintive.</p><p>Felix scowled down at his phone, hand slowing as he removed tarnish from the handle of this sabre."Yes.Why else would I suggest it?"</p><p>"<em>I know that Miss Cecile is a lovely young woman, but this is-</em>-" Felix heard his father sigh on the other end."<em>--this is private.It's--I know you must understand.</em>"</p><p>"I do, and that's why she can wait until we're done and then she can meet him.This is important, Dad," Felix said, pausing in his sword maintenance. </p><p>"<em>I suppose she could,"</em> Rodrigue conceded.<em>"But.Maybe it could wait, or you could bring her by on another day."</em></p><p>Felix growled."She's not going to intrude.I want this.It's the closest I'll ever get to--to having a family gathering.I love her and I want her to be there."</p><p>Rodrigue let out a strange sound and then began to cough, and Felix's mind went entirely blank with the realization of what he'd just said aloud."<em>Felix?</em>"</p><p>"What--no, I didn't--" Felix dropped his polishing cloth and jabbed the 'end call' button with his finger.</p><p>He sat, sword across his lap, feeling pale while his heart raced.He'd really just said that aloud.He'd really just admitted to his old man that he loved Mia--not that he was falling in love, or that he had some kind of infatuation, but the real thing.And it was, but he hadn't wanted to have to say it to anyone but her, and certainly not like this.</p><p>Shortly, his phone began to ring again.Felix pushed his bangs back and answered.</p><p>"<em>Felix this is a video call.I can't see you.</em>"</p><p>Felix fumbled his phone and saw his old man, who was covering the lower half of his face with his hand.Felix tried to scowl but his image in the bottom corner of the screen just looked dismayed.</p><p><em>"You hung up on me,</em>" Rodrigue said, as though he didn't know that Felix had done so on purpose.</p><p>"Yeah.Sorry."</p><p><em>"I missed what you said.The Shoulder Bastard got my ankle,</em>" Rodrigue said.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes."You're the worst liar.You're making it worse by pretending it didn't happen."</p><p>
  <em>"You aren't exactly much of a liar, yourself.But I see.You--you love Mia?"</em>
</p><p>It was not often that he heard his father call her that, and not 'Miss Cecile'.He desperately wished that this was not a video call.He looked down at the sword in his lap and nodded.</p><p>
  <em>"Oh.Felix--"</em>
</p><p>"Don't say anything."Felix needed a minute or thirty to compose himself before hearing whatever the old man had to say. </p><p>"<em>Do you expect me to disapprove?"</em></p><p>"Shut up.Maybe.I don't know."</p><p>Rodrigue chuckled, and Felix didn't look to see what kind of expression he wore."<em>Well, I don't disapprove.As long as--but you're careful with your feelings.You love her."</em></p><p>"Yeah," Felix breathed. </p><p>"<em>Does she know?</em>"</p><p>Felix nodded.He still could not look.He didn't know why he felt so ashamed--not for loving Mia, but for admitting it so easily.</p><p>"<em>And--she must feel the same, or you wouldn't--"</em></p><p>"She does.And--" Felix paused, and his father let him.It was a relief to have some time to think."I can--when she looks at me, it's like I'm something," he inhaled, filling his lungs."Good.Special.She looks at <em>me</em> and it's like she sees it."</p><p>"<em>Felix, you are good, and special. </em></p><p>Felix huffed."No, I mean--just that--she understands what I need her to and she just," he propped his elbow on his knee and leaned his forehead in his hand, "she gets that I'm a fucking disaster and she accepts me anyway.Language.Sorry."</p><p>Glancing at his phone revealed that his old man was thinking through what he wanted to say, which was a lot better than him launching into some kind of sanctimonious rant but gave Felix time to worry that he'd worded things completely wrong.</p><p>"<em>I don't think you're a disaster,"</em> was what Rodrigue settled on.</p><p>"Well, whatever, I'm a work in progress, I've got flaws that I'm working on, I don't know," Felix said, tangling his fingers in his bangs."She knows how hard I've been trying.She never holds anything against me."</p><p>"<em>Your bar for romance seems,</em>" Rodrigue began, awkwardly, <em>"I'm not sure.This is all good, but--"</em></p><p>"God, it's not just that," Felix snapped. </p><p><em>"Well, good</em>," Rodrigue said.</p><p>"She makes me feel better when I'm too in my head and I know she's there if I need help.She's funny, and she thinks that <em>I'm</em> funny, and she si--" Felix took a deep breath while he tried to reroute what he had been about to say, "I just like the sound of her voice.I'm so--happy, with her.She listens and I like to listen to her.It's weird."</p><p>"<em>It's not weird, Felix, it's love</em>," Rodrigue said."<em>I've never seen you like this."</em></p><p>"Yeah, that's what's weird," Felix pointed out.</p><p>Rodrigue laughed."<em>All right, that's fair.So you talk?About what you each want, what you're comfortable with?"</em></p><p>Half-way through rolling his eyes, Felix realized that was a valid question, based on past experience."Yeah.We talk."</p><p>"<em>I would have commented that your communication with me has been improving, too, but you never hinted at this before."</em></p><p>"Because it isn't your business.Besides, was I supposed to call you up and say 'guess what dad I'm in love?'"Felix scoffed."Is that what <em>you</em> did?"</p><p>"No," Rodrigue admitted."I told my parents after dinner one night that I loved Felicity and wanted to marry her."</p><p>Felix coughed."That's not what I'm saying--for the record--"</p><p>
  <em>"No?Well, whenever you are ready to get married, you both have my blessing."</em>
</p><p>"Dad!We're not there yet.Now.That discussion is not happening," Felix said, tempted once again to end the call, though that wouldn't get him confirmation of whether or not Mia was welcome at the cemetery.</p><p>"<em>Apologies.Well, until it is, I won't ask anything else, just offer my ear if you need it for anything."</em></p><p>"Okay.Thank you," Felix breathed."So--is it okay?For Mia to join us?"</p><p>"<em>Hm?Oh, I--Felix, if she's willing to, and if it means that much to you, I can't forbid her from joining us."</em></p><p>"She'll be respectful, and we can get something to eat out or have a quiet night in or something.I just," Felix sighed, making himself look at his father's face on the screen, "I want her to be a part of this.Of what we have."Maybe he <em>was</em> talking like they were getting married.Or maybe he and his dad had been a family of two for so long that it seemed like something they both needed."If you don't want her there, though, she and I can go another day.It's fine."</p><p>Rodrigue nodded, the movement choppy on the small screen."<em>Yes, I understand--I'll think about it?I'll give you an answer soon, I promise, I just need to think about it.Is that all right?</em>"</p><p>"Yeah, that's why I brought it up now.Thanks." </p><p>
  <em>"Have you talked to her about this?"</em>
</p><p>"Like visiting the cemetery or just in general?"</p><p>"<em>Either</em>."</p><p>Felix breathed in deeply."I never brought this up yet.I have talked to her about Glenn.What we did together.What he was like.How--I--How I--" he dragged his hand down his face."How I wish they could've met," he said, softly."And I think she'd say yes.She's always willing," Felix stopped, swallowing, "to listen.And try and find me in the rubble.And--I think--I really want her there, and that she'd go with us, or just me.I know it's been our tradition and it's private.I get it if you say no."</p><p>"<em>Felix,"</em> Rodrigue said, his voice breaking a little.</p><p>"Don't worry, it's fine," Felix said, wondering if he'd made the mistake of appearing more broken than he should.He was fine, that was true, but it seemed that he was going to hurt forever.He didn't want his father to worry about him, though.</p><p>Rodrigue shook his head.<em>"I'm probably going to say yes.I'm glad that--that you've found someone who understands you.I hope that you can make it work."</em></p><p>There was something unsaid in that sentiment, but Felix decided not to press for it.He'd already been given the old man's 'approval', even if that were predicated on the assumption that certain traditions would be followed.Felix hadn't ever given any thought to how they would apply to himself, but he knew Mia's opinion on them hadn't been favourable.Was that what the old man left unspoken--that he hoped that Felix could make it work, in the context of how Rodrigue thought a relationship should be?</p><p>It didn't matter right now."Sure," Felix said, slowly."Thanks."</p><p>"<em>Is there anything else on your mind?</em>"</p><p>"No.That's all."</p><p>"<em>I'll call soon and we can talk about this more</em>," Rodrigue offered.</p><p>"Yeah.Okay," Felix said, not looking forward to it at all.</p>
<hr/><p>Thankfully, the second phone call had gone smoother then the first--possibly because Felix didn't have any admissions of feelings left, or possibly because Rodrigue had practiced what he wanted to say.In either case, Mia was welcome to join them, which meant that Felix had had to bring that up to her.</p><p>She'd been quiet at first, likely trying to decide if there was a polite way to decline, because why would anyone want to go see a graveyard for someone else's family?But then she'd nodded, slowly and carefully.Felix wondered if it was too much, too soon.They'd only just confessed their feelings a few weeks ago--maybe he should have waited before suggesting she meet his dead brother. </p><p>Thinking about it stressed him out."You don't have to go if you don't want.I really do understand."</p><p>Mia had shaken her head."It's important to you.I want to be there with you."</p><p>It was still hard for him to believe her, but he would have an easier time if he just accepted it.Mia then asked what she should wear, this being something she'd never done before.</p><p>"It's the end of July, wear something cool," he'd said.</p><p>Aside from discussion of the twenty-ninth, the month of July passed quickly, and brightly.Mia had numerous small worries about her brother's wedding in August, which kept her busy and made her distracted.She didn't want to be in the wedding party, really.</p><p>"I don't know, I just feel like I don't fit in," Mia confessed, after they'd watched half of <em>Corner Gas</em> season four and gone to sit outside. </p><p>"In the wedding party?"</p><p>Mia shrugged."With Tris and the other bridesmaids.I don't know.I'm not in their circle of friends.And--as far as--hmm, I don't know.I just feel like an outsider.Like I don't get the 'rituals'."</p><p>"That's fine.You don't have to do much, anyway," Felix said."If you screw it up it won't matter."</p><p>"That's so sweet," Mia drawled.</p><p>"You won't screw it up.And if they make you feel that way I'll fight them."</p><p>Mia giggled."I think they're nice, it's probably just me making <em>myself</em> feel that way."</p><p>"I don't want to fight you, but I will if I must," Felix said.</p><p>"You'd fight anyone."</p><p>"I'd fight anyone."</p><p>Mia laughed, and it was the best sound Felix could think of.</p><p>"I'm glad that you asked me to go with you," Felix said."Not because I like the idea of being at a stranger's wedding."</p><p>"Why, then?"</p><p>It was easier to know why not then to know <em>why</em>.Maybe it was because he'd be meeting her family, although he'd rather avoid that if he could.Then again, that was the thing he was trying to do by inviting her for the twenty-ninth. </p><p>"Because it's with you," he said quietly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sweetpea raised their hand and said, 'excuse me, i have some things to say' and i was like, 'yes the floor is yours'<br/>and then they were like 'i'm the most closed-off person in this story and i wish i had friends who liked me not just for what they can gain from me'  O.O</p><p>it was back in february that i thought of the phone call and i'm really glad to have reached the point where i can share it. the next chapter has a couple thousand words already but as you can imagine it's not the easiest to get right, so there's a fair amount of work to be done still.</p><p>the title lyric is from 'All the Days' by Jann Arden</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0069"><h2>69. and picture all our happy times</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Glenn's birthday</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The drive to Toronto on the twenty-ninth was quiet.Felix didn't shove the keys into Mia's hand and demand that she chauffeur him there and back.Instead, he helped her pack her modest bouquet, and her things for the night she'd sleep over, into the day she'd be staying with them, and then circled back to the driver's side door.</p>
<p>Mia got in beside him, wishing he didn't look so nervous.She was anxious, herself, about what she might be expected to say or do, but mostly when she tried to picture what the day would be like, she couldn't.But the morning was hot already, and she was glad to have chosen a pair of light, shin-length capris instead of the dark pants that might have been more formal.Even then, she felt like she'd be uncomfortable, though not as much as Felix, who was in dress pants and a short-sleeved shirt.</p>
<p>"How are you?" she asked, as he started the engine.</p>
<p>"Fine."He sounded more tired than curt.</p>
<p>"I could drive if you wanted."</p>
<p>Felix shook his head, slightly."I'm always getting you to drive."</p>
<p>"That's fine with me."</p>
<p>He managed a small smile."Don't worry about it, today."</p>
<p>Felix didn't ask Mia to sing, either, and possibly hadn't been able to decide what he wanted to hear at all, because the car's speakers remained silent for the whole drive.</p>
<p>The two of them talked, a little.Mia had picked up her dress for the wedding the day before. </p>
<p>"Are you supposed to tell me what it looks like?" Felix asked sharply, glancing over at her.</p>
<p>Mia laughed."That's for the bride.I don't think you'll be cursed if you know it's green."</p>
<p>"Green's all right," Felix said, his nose crinkling.</p>
<p>"But not a real green dress, that's cruel," Mia said."It fits and everything but I hate that I have to wear it."</p>
<p>"Shit, I've never seen you in anything but pants so far," Felix agreed.</p>
<p>"Yeah, you're not missing out," Mia said, and didn't elaborate on how she'd felt about her reflection when trying on the gown to see that it fit properly.The emotion had been hard to describe.She wished that she would have looked like a different person, but she was still her, just in a dress.Supposedly, the worst part would be how everyone was going to make a big deal about seeing her dressed up.Mia decided to switch the topic to Spinach Puff's mother, and how they'd finally caught a glimpse of one of her new kittens.</p>
<p>"It's black and white--a little tuxedo kitten."</p>
<p>"That would've been more fitting for dad," Felix said."But the shoulder bastard is good, too."</p>
<p>It would be interesting to see Angie in his new home, and how well he and Rodrigue were getting along.Mia went over again in her head the things she would try to say, including always referring to him as 'Mr. Fraldarius' so as not to offend.It would be fine.</p>
<p>Traffic into the city was weekday slow, and when it came to a near standstill due to construction, Felix tapped his hand on the wheel.</p>
<p>"He knows that I love you."</p>
<p>Mia hurt her neck when she whipped around to stare at him."What?"</p>
<p>Felix looked pained."It slipped out.On the phone.I didn't want to tell you but I keep thinking, what if he's weird about it?He might be too distracted to bring it up.But in case he does, here's your warning."</p>
<p>"As long as you don't start a fight about it," Mia said, thinking back to the first 'warning' she'd gotten about Rodrigue.</p>
<p>"And if he brings up marriage, you don't think you'd start a fight?"</p>
<p>Mia bit her lip."Fair.No fights."</p>
<p>"That's my plan," Felix said with a cautious laugh."No fights."</p>
<hr/>
<p>The house hadn't changed since Felix had last been there, but it still felt odd to pull into the driveway as a guest.Mia looked around the neighbourhood, her expression closed-off and hard to read.She faced forward again as he slowly parked in the garage.</p>
<p>Shutting off the ignition, Felix let his hands fall to his lap."Are you ready?"</p>
<p>Mia had her seatbelt off, and leaned closer and reached for his wrist.Pulling his hand towards her, she entwined their fingers."If you are."</p>
<p>He inhaled, not looking forward to the day at all, no matter how glad he was Mia was there, and how important he felt the occasion. </p>
<p>"Yeah, let's go."</p>
<p>Felix snatched Mia's bag before she could, leaving her to carry just her bouquet.He thought it was nice, and wondered what Sweetpea might think of it.With Mia's bag, and his own, Felix shut the back door of his car and lead the way to the inside of the house.</p>
<p>There, the old man was pacing the hallway."Felix, you're here."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix said, not getting a chance to discard what he was carrying before he was pulled into a hug."Ugh, hey, dad."</p>
<p>"How was the drive?" Rodrigue asked, pulling away but keeping his hands on Felix's shoulders.He was dressed mostly the same as Felix, with the addition of a tie.</p>
<p>"Rush hour lasts all f--all day," Felix said."It was fine."</p>
<p>"Good.Miss Cecile," Rodrigue said, and here it was, the moment where he would make things awkward.He held out a hand, then hesitantly opened his arms, before almost flinching back to a closed stance again.</p>
<p>"Don't be so nervous," Felix snapped, unable to help himself.</p>
<p>Rodrigue apologized, looking down at the floor and then giving Mia a brief, clumsy hug before pulling away like he'd been burned. </p>
<p>"How did you find the drive?"</p>
<p>Mia looked more confused where the old man was anxious."Fine."Clearly, she didn't know what more to say.</p>
<p>"I'm going to take this all upstairs and then we can go," Felix said.</p>
<p>"I better use the washroom."Mia sounded relieved to have an excuse not to wait around in the hall with the old man.She placed her bouquet on the table, carefully.</p>
<p>"Ah, of course.You know where it is.Ah," Rodrigue said."You're going to change before we go?"</p>
<p>Mia looked down at herself.She looked up at Rodrigue, then over to Felix.He shrugged--her outfit seemed fine to him, short pants--capris or something, a simple sleeveless thing in a soft blue.She wasn't wearing any of her jewellery to look ostentatious or something.</p>
<p>"What's the problem?" Felix asked, trying not to sound too defensive or on edge.He didn't want to start this whole excursion off on a fight. </p>
<p>"Nothing.I should have thought--it's a cemetery, you might have worn something more formal, maybe a skirt?"</p>
<p>Mia exhaled, standing frozen in front of the old man."I--don't own a skirt."</p>
<p>"Pardon?"</p>
<p>"I don't have one.I wasn't--I'm sorry if this is too casual, I didn't know--" Mia didn't look like she was about to cry, but she did seem distressed.</p>
<p>Felix didn't see a problem, and hadn't expected this of all things to become one."It's fine.I told her to dress for the heat and it's not like she's in ripped jeans."</p>
<p>"You really don't own a single skirt?"</p>
<p>"No, I don't find them comfortable--I've never needed one."Mia looked away, her arms crossed."I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Rodrigue sighed, in a disappointed sort of way."No, there's no need to apologize.There's nothing to do about it now."He gave Felix an unreadable expression.</p>
<p>"Right," Felix said, trying to maintain a level tone, "because we're here, it's time to go, it's at least thirty-two degrees, no one there is going to care.Plus I invited her.Don't fixate," he finished.</p>
<p>"I'm not," Rodrigue insisted."I'm just surprised.But you're right.Let's all get ready to go."But he looked like his day was already ruined.</p>
<p>Hastily, Felix brought their things upstairs, and returned to find Mia was still in the washroom, while the old man was in the garage.He was packing their flowers in the car. </p>
<p>"What's your problem?" Felix hissed.</p>
<p>Rodrigue jumped, bumping his head on the top of the door.He scowled, holding his hand to it."Nothing.I just want this to be--" he faltered, and exhaled."I'm just surprised.Even Ingrid owns a skirt."</p>
<p>"Well you can't use Ingrid as some kind of litmus test of femininity," Felix retorted, not even knowing what he was saying.What mattered was that Mia was already worried about today, and doing or saying the wrong thing."Don't make her stressed about her appearance."</p>
<p>"I wish you'd gone with her on a separate occasion," Rodrigue said, like he'd had no say in it.</p>
<p>"You said it was all right," Felix reminded him, darkly."Don't make it hard for her because you've changed your mind."</p>
<p>"This is hard for me, too.You should know that."</p>
<p>His father stared him down, and it was still so hard to meet his eyes.Felix could picture them fighting again, he could see all the effort and progress they'd made recently threatening to teeter and crash to the ground.He couldn't take it, not when they'd been trying so hard, not when it was about Mia.He couldn't lose either of them, especially not today.</p>
<p>Felix looked down."Please just give her a chance," he murmured.Maybe it was more than he could ask for, when Mia had made her impression on the old man. </p>
<p>"I'm not--ah, Miss Cecile.Are you ready?"</p>
<p>Felix clenched his fists at his side. </p>
<p>"Yes, Mr. Fraldarius," Mia's voice came from the door to the garage. </p>
<p>"Why don't you sit in the front, as you're our guest?"</p>
<p>Felix wondered if half the backseat had been taken up with the flowers on purpose.He wondered what any of this meant for them.</p>
<p>"O-okay," Mia said, and she looked pale when she circled to the passenger side of Rodrigue's precious car.She slid into the front seat and closed the door, softly.</p>
<p>"Felix, I'm not condemning her.I'm just--scared of how things are changing.Scared because she's so--she's unorthodox, but so are you.So I shouldn't worry.It's just today being what it is.I promise."He hesitantly put his hand on Felix's shoulder for a second, before turning to get into the car, himself.</p>
<p>It would have been nice to be able to take comfort in that, but there was still the rest of today to get through.Felix wondered what he had been thinking, when he'd decided that this was a good idea.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Mia was tense, not just because she was clearly underdressed for this outing, but also because Felix was clenching his jaw in the seat behind his father, and Rodrigue was driving with a blank, thoughtless expression on his face.She tried to imagine if it would have been better if she'd told them to just go without her, and leave her alone with Angie at the house.</p>
<p>"I went to high school, here," Rodrigue said quietly, as they passed by an old, grey building with a weird chunk of modern art plunked in front of it."With Dimitri's father."</p>
<p>"Oh," Mia said, because there wasn't much to say to something like that.</p>
<p>"Felix would have, too, but he wanted to be in the same school as his friends."</p>
<p>"That's nice."</p>
<p>"Are you still close with your friends from school?"</p>
<p>Mia didn't think he'd enjoy her answer if she said she hadn't been close to anyone in school, and was hoping she'd never see any of them again."Not really.But I've got the Shepherds--that's our local writing group, and Felix's friends are all really nice, too."</p>
<p>"I see.That's good," Rodrigue said, and that was the end of his attempt at conversation.Mia wondered if she should have asked something in return, shown some interest in his high school days.She wasn't, but it would have been polite.As the time stretched out, she thought it would sound weird if she tried, now.</p>
<p>Felix was no help from the backseat, and eventually Mia decided that a silent drive was probably what they were used to.She tried to relax in it, rather than let herself seem worried.She turned her face to the window and let her shoulders drop, consciously willing herself to at least appear calm.</p>
<p>At last they reached the gate of the cemetery, and Mia realized she should have guessed it would be a fancy one, landscaped with gardens, and trees, and even a fountain.Thankfully, there might be some shade.</p>
<p>They parked, and got out into the hot sun.Mia thought of their poor flowers drooping in the summer heat.</p>
<p>"Dimitri's here," Felix said.</p>
<p>"Oh, did he message you?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>Felix shook his head and pointed at a dark SUV parked in the shade near the edge of the lot."He's right there."</p>
<p>"Ah!" Mia said, her bouquet rustling as she jumped. </p>
<p>Dimitri and Dedue left their vehicle, bringing several large bouquets of their own, and joined Felix, Mia, and Rodrigue in the sun.</p>
<p>"Rodrigue," Dimitri greeted."Felix, Mia.Felix said that you would be joining them."</p>
<p>"Oh," Mia said.</p>
<p>Everyone said hello.Mia found her eyes drawn to Dedue's armful of greenery--ferns and dark, lobe-shaped leaves mixed with bright, lime-green vines.</p>
<p>"Maybe you can wait with Mia, while Dad and I--?" Felix suggested, as they fell into step towards the cemetery.</p>
<p>"Of course!" Dimitri said."We'd be happy to."</p>
<p>"Hm?" Rodrigue said."Oh, that's very thoughtful."</p>
<p>There was a path of stone tiles that lead them deeper among the headstones and crosses, under trees and past trickling fountains.A robin bounced on the cropped grass.</p>
<p>It was clear that everyone knew their way, in the certain steps they took.Mia was the only one who looked around, reading the names visible on the stones nearest the path, feeling her heartbeat pick up with the discomfort of being in such a place.</p>
<p>"Why don't you wait here?" Felix said, as they came to a bench beneath a large maple tree, its leaves a purply, ornamental red.</p>
<p>"Okay," Mia said.Her voice felt cracked and dry.</p>
<p>Rodrigue was looking ahead, and Felix followed his father's gaze down the rows of graves.</p>
<p>"All right," he breathed, and nodded to Dimitri and Dedue before setting off with Rodrigue.</p>
<p>Mia watched them, feeling nervous about what she was expected to do, and sad at how lonely the pair looked in the harsh sunlight of the nearly empty cemetery.</p>
<p>Her thoughts were mercifully interrupted by Dimitri's soft voice."How have you been doing?"</p>
<p>"Hm?Fine.I'm good.How are you?"</p>
<p>"I'm well," Dimitri said.</p>
<p>Dedue nodded."Yes, we both are."</p>
<p>"Good," Mia said.She looked down at her bouquet, and then at the copious flowers in her companions' arms.</p>
<p>"Ah, we're here to see Glenn, as well--I never like to intrude on Felix and Rodrigue, of course," Dimitri said, noticing Mia's gaze or perhaps just wanting to fill the silence."But I like to stop in whenever I can.My parents are also here and I like to tell them what's going on in my life."</p>
<p>"Oh," Mia said, remembering what she'd read about the tragedy."I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Dimitri looked down."Thank you."</p>
<p>Mia didn't know what else to say.She wished that he and Felix hadn't lost so much.She wished that there were words that might make things better.</p>
<p>"I think--obviously I can't speak for him--but I think Glenn would have liked you," Dimitri said.</p>
<p>"Thanks," Mia said.He hadn't needed to say that, but it echoed what Felix had told her, and she really did want to know more about Glenn."You--must have known him pretty well?"</p>
<p>"He was like an older brother to me, too.Rodrigue is sort of like a second father--and you know how polite and proper he is?"</p>
<p>Mia nodded."Oh, yeah."</p>
<p>"Well-spoken?Sort of refined?"</p>
<p>"Mm-hm."</p>
<p>Dimitri grinned, and looked over at where Rodrigue and Felix had stopped, backs to them."Well Glenn was not like that at all."</p>
<p>Mia stifled a laugh."So it wasn't just swords and his taste in music that Felix learned from him?"</p>
<p>"No," Dimitri said, smiling."They--Felix is very much like Glenn.I think the comparisons are hard for him.He's proud of it, but he--"</p>
<p>"He wants to be himself," Mia finished, softly.</p>
<p>Dimitri looked down at her.His blue eyes were sad."That's right.It took me a while to figure it out.Felix also doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeve the same way he used to."</p>
<p>Across the rows of the cemetery, Felix and Rodrigue stood shoulder to shoulder, their heads bowed.Mia wondered if they were praying, or just talking.She wondered what Felix would have been like, if none of this had happened.</p>
<p>Dedue spoke up."I only met Felix in the fall, when I began working for the Shield, but it seems to me that he's grown calmer.Less angry.Or perhaps it's only that we've grown more familiar with each other."</p>
<p>"No, he's definitely grown," Dimitri said."I'm happy for him."</p>
<p>Mia exhaled, and looked up at the still boughs of the maple."Me, too."</p>
<p>There was another space of quiet.Mia shifted her weight from one side to another.Dimitri was looking wistful and sad, while Dedue stood tall and quiet to his right.</p>
<p>"Are--did you grow those yourself, Dedue?" Mia asked, nodding to his bouquet.</p>
<p>"I did.I would have liked if more had been in bloom, but the heat has been too much for the plants on my balcony."</p>
<p>"It still looks beautiful," Mia said."I love those lime green things."</p>
<p>Dedue's laugh was very quiet."Thank you.Those are <em>coleus</em>."</p>
<p>"They look very happy," Mia told him.</p>
<p>"I like to think that they are," Dedue said.</p>
<p>Dimitri bobbed his head."I think they must be.Probably anyone would want to be a plant in your care."</p>
<p>Dedue caught Mia's eye and gave her the barest of smiles.She tried to stifle another laugh.</p>
<p>"Thank you," was all Dedue said.</p>
<p>They spoke quietly, about plants and about the day, until they saw that Felix had broken away from Rodrigue.</p>
<p>"We'll leave you now," Dimitri said."It was very nice talking to you, Mia."</p>
<p>"Yes, the same to both of you.And Dimitri--"</p>
<p>"Yes?"</p>
<p>Mia looked at her feet, then back up, into his bright eyes."Say hello to your parents from me?"</p>
<p>He smiled."I'll do that.Thank you."</p>
<p>Dimitri and Dedue turned away, back down the path in the direction from which they'd come, and Mia joined Felix at the end of the row where Glenn was buried.</p>
<p>"Are you ready?" he asked.His expression was carefully stoic, like he didn't want to reveal anything beneath.Mia nodded and let him take her sweaty hand in his, and guide her to where Rodrigue was waiting.Mia tried to smile at him, but dropped it when she thought of how inappropriate that probably was.She stopped, on Felix's left.</p>
<p>In front of them were two polished headstones--one engraved with <em>Glenn Merle Fraldarius</em>, the other <em>Felicity Eirian Fraldarius</em>.</p>
<p>"Your mother?" Mia said, involuntarily.She hadn't known--Felix had never said anything about his mother before, and she hadn't wanted to assume either divorce <em>or</em> death.The second date on her headstone read February 26<sup>th</sup>, the year of Felix's birth.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix said, nodding."I'm sorry--I should have said that she's here, too.I--I can't believe I forgot."</p>
<p>"It's all right," Mia said.She could split her bouquet between the two.It was small, but the flowers left by Felix and Rodrigue more than made up for that.What mattered was that they were remembered.</p>
<p>Felix inhaled loudly."Yeah.Um."</p>
<p>He exhaled, hanging his head.</p>
<p>"I never knew her," he breathed.</p>
<p>Rodrigue clasped his hands in front of himself."Do you want to introduce Miss Cecile?"</p>
<p>Mia gave Felix's hand a little squeeze.She didn't look at his face, if he didn't want anyone to see how he was feeling about this.</p>
<p>"Okay," he said."Uh."He took a few loud breaths, then she felt him stand straighter beside her."Glenn.And Mom.This is Mia.She's--I met her, up by where we used to have a campfire and make up stories and--and throw acorns--into the water.And we've been dating and she's creative and she makes me happy.And I love her."</p>
<p>Maybe it was too warm to be clutching Felix's hand the way that she was, but Mia squeezed it again, and leaned against him. </p>
<p>"And--I wish you could meet.I really wish--I think you'd really like her, and," he sighed, frustrated."This is so--stupid.You aren't here--and I just--"</p>
<p>Mia looked up to see that Felix was covering his eyes with the back of his wrist, that his cheeks were wet and his chest was shaking.She wanted to make it better, she wanted to hold him until he didn't need to cry anymore, she wanted to <em>help</em>, somehow.Her own eyes stung.</p>
<p>"I miss you so much--"</p>
<p>Felix sobbed and Mia turned, so that she could press her face against his shoulder.It was shaking, Felix was shaking, and his fingers were sticky entwined with hers.On his other side, Rodrigue had one hand on Felix's shoulder, the other rubbing up and down his back.</p>
<p>"It's not fair," Felix gasped, his voice little more than air."I miss you--"</p>
<p>Rubbing her forehead against him, Mia wished she had more to offer than just the tears she blinked from her eyes from seeing him so affected.Felix wiped his face, and cried.Rodrigue was very quiet, just holding onto his remaining son.</p>
<p>It wasn't fair, and it only felt worse when Mia looked up again at the dates on the headstones--Glenn had just been twenty-three, younger than Felix and Mia were, now.She only knew him from a picture in Felix's room, and from Felix himself, the mannerisms and hobbies that he and others said came from Glenn. </p>
<p>Mia didn't know how long they spent standing with Felix, holding onto him.It seemed like a long while, with the sun hot on their backs.It was all they could do, and slowly Felix's shaking subsided, and he wiped at his face with his hand.Mia let go of him for a second, to rummage in her purse for a tissue.She offered it to him, wordlessly.Felix took it and held it to his face, steadying his breath.</p>
<p>"Thank you."His voice was small.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" Mia asked.</p>
<p>Felix opened his mouth, then shook his head.</p>
<p>"We're here," Mia said, taking his hand again.</p>
<p>He swallowed."Thank you," he said again, a little stronger.Mia squeezed his hand."I've never--that's never happened before."</p>
<p>It sounded like something a person might say to deflect, but Mia got the feeling he was telling the truth.He was surprised by it.</p>
<p>"It's okay," Mia whispered.</p>
<p>Felix sighed, and nodded, thanking her again."Do you want to--you don't have to say anything, just--"He gestured with his kleenex at the bouquet in Mia's hand.</p>
<p>She looked down at it, then at the flowers already resting on the two graves.She'd planned something to say, if she needed to, but all her words felt jumbled up in her head.She took a moment to try and compose herself before speaking.</p>
<p>"I know how much it means, being a part of this," she said, quietly."I know--how important you are to Felix.I don't know what to say, just--I hope you know how strong he is, and that he's loved, and that he loves you."</p>
<p>She let go of Felix's hand again and tried her best to evenly divide her bundle of flowers.They were stuck together with some kind of floral tape and Mia couldn't get it off without feeling like she was going to crush all the stems.</p>
<p>"Let me," Felix said, when he seemed to realize what she was doing.He reached into his pocket for a knife.</p>
<p>"Oh, I shouldn't be surprised you have a knife," Mia said, holding the bouquet towards him.</p>
<p>Felix opened his knife and told her to watch her fingers before sawing through the tape.When Mia was able to separate the flowers into two bunches, he closed it up and slipped it back into his pocket. </p>
<p>"It was Glenn's," Felix said.Mia looked up at him, and his lips twitched before he returned his attention straight ahead.</p>
<p>Mia didn't know where to step, and so carefully picked through the grass and crouched, nestling her bouquets beside the ones from Felix and Rodrigue.They didn't add much in either volume or colour, containing just a few white flowers and greenery, but at least it was something.Mia closed her eyes, and tried to formulate something in her mind, a wish, maybe a prayer, that conveyed her respects and feelings.Then she stood, and backed up until she was beside Felix again.</p>
<p>Rodrigue spoke up."I'm going to--you two should get out of the sun.I'll just be a moment."</p>
<p>Felix looked like he wanted to say something, but then he exhaled, and nodded.They made their way back to the path, and the big red maple.In the shade, Felix sank onto the bench and put his face in his hands.</p>
<p>Taking a seat next to him, Mia rested her hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>"I'm fine," he said, putting his hands in his lap."Thank you for doing this."</p>
<p>"Thank you for including me."</p>
<p>"You don't have to say--" Felix stopped himself.He smiled weakly, and stared off into space."It's always hard."</p>
<p>Mia could only imagine.She didn't know the best thing to say, so she stayed quiet, hoping that just being there was enough for him to feel some kind of support.True to his word, Rodrigue wasn't long in joining them.</p>
<p>"Felix," he said.</p>
<p>"I think I need a moment," Felix said, but his eyes were dry and it seemed that the emotions had been released, for now.He leaned back and looked up into the branches of the maple.His chest expanded and then he sighed.</p>
<p>"So do I," Rodrigue agreed.Mia asked if he would rather sit, but he shook his head."But thank you."</p>
<p>They were quiet, listening to intermittent birdsong.It was oppressively hot, and Rodrigue gathered his hair in order to hold it off his neck.Mia thought she might ask Felix if he had an extra elastic, for herself.</p>
<p>Mia looked up and saw that Dimitri and Dedue were making their way to Glenn's grave, still carrying flowers but not weighed down by them. </p>
<p>"Should we wait for them or would you rather go, now?" Rodrigue asked.</p>
<p>Felix raised his head from the back of the bench."Let's wait."</p>
<p>"Will you want them to drive back with us?"</p>
<p>"No, I think--this is enough," Felix said.</p>
<p>Rodrigue nodded."I think so, too."</p>
<p>Soon, Dimitri and Dedue joined them beneath the maple, and they all talked softly.Felix got up with a stretch and Mia followed suit.Dimitri hugged both Felix and Rodrigue, and then they all began the walk back to the parking lot.There, they got into their separate vehicles.It was still bright, making it hard to imagine that any time had passed at all.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Felix was confused at first, as to why he felt so drained on the drive back to the house.As soon as they arrived, he opened a bottle of water and drank.</p>
<p>It had been a lot.Having Mia with them, trying to speak rather than just silently mourning, and the heat bearing down on them--it was really no wonder Felix was worn out.He watched his father undo his tie and then lean against the kitchen counter.Mia stayed in the doorway, but nodded when Felix held his water up with a questioning tilt of his head.He got her one, too, and then leaned into her.It was so nice to be out of the stagnant, summer air.</p>
<p>"We could order lunch," Rodrigue said, but none of them were hungry.There was food in the fridge if they felt like snacking. </p>
<p>They sat down in the sitting room, where Angie was lurking.Mia asked how things were going for the cat.It was quiet, and calm, and an easy way for the conversation to turn to Villain, and then Glenn.They didn't say much more than Mia already knew, but that felt all right.It was the first time she'd really heard Rodrigue talk about Glenn, after all.He didn't have to share more than he was ready for.Felix was just glad that the tension from that morning had dissipated. </p>
<p>Closer to five, Felix decided that he could eat.They ordered from a local restaurant and while they waited, Mia and Felix sat on either end of the hall, throwing a toy back and forth with Angie between them.Rodrigue watched, smiling at how his cat leapt and flipped.</p>
<p>Eating seemed to help Rodrigue remember himself, and he asked about how Mia's work was going.Felix could tell that she was calmer, discussing her writing, and her jewellery sales, than she had been the first night she'd stayed over.Part of it had to be that she was simply growing accustomed to Felix's dad and the way he asked things, but Felix knew that some of it was testament to how her confidence in herself had grown in the time they'd known each other.Between her writing group and Ingrid's friends, she'd been getting support.She was learning that the things she made really were beautiful, and worthwhile. </p>
<p>"Felix told me you invited him to your brother's wedding, is that right?When is it?"</p>
<p>Mia coloured a little at that, and exchanged a look with Felix."The middle of next month."</p>
<p>Rodrigue asked how much Mia was participating in the event and planning, and she politely answered that Tris and her sister were doing all the work.</p>
<p>"I don't think I'd want to plan anything like that, but to each their own," Mia said."I'm sure we'll all have a good time."</p>
<p>"Speak for yourself," Felix said.</p>
<p>"You can't go and just be miserable," Rodrigue said.</p>
<p>Felix smirked behind his wine."Oh?We'll see."</p>
<p>Mia rolled her eyes and Rodrigue didn't argue.They talked about Hurst, and a little of Mia's childhood, as they finished eating and cleaned up.</p>
<p>Then, Rodrigue poured them each a shot with which to toast Glenn.Felix cringed when his father raised his glass and praised Glenn's heroism, but it was the same as every year.It was how Rodrigue dealt with his loss--by trying to find some kind of meaning in it.Felix did not have to do the same, but he didn't have to argue about it, either.</p>
<p>"To your thirty-fifth," Felix said, low.</p>
<p>Raising her glass, Mia said, just as softly, "I wish we could have met."</p>
<p>Felix and Rodrigue downed their shots in one go.Seeing this, Mia took a deep breath and did the same, making a face and shaking herself. </p>
<p>"Oh, dear.You didn't have to do that," Rodrigue said.</p>
<p>Mia flapped her hand."It's fine.Smooth."</p>
<p>They refilled their glasses to sit back down and sip.Normally, Felix would have retreated to the privacy of his room by now, to throw on some loud music and either swing or just sort through his swords.It was strange to have spent so much time with his father, talking--not fighting.At times, when they remembered something differently, Felix felt their voices rising and the possibility of an argument breaking out.But he remembered his promise not to start a fight.Even with a second and third glass of whiskey. </p>
<p>Mia was mostly quiet, watching Angie clomping back and forth, but sometimes she interjected with a question or a story about her own family.</p>
<p>That was what was so strange, Felix realized.He hadn't felt like he'd been a part of a family for so long, but that was what this was.He'd had it all along--both among his friends and with his father. </p>
<p>It was nice, not to be alone with his sadness.And it was that--not a pretence of strength or invulnerability--that he was sure Glenn would have wanted for them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope that everyone is staying safe and well. if it's warm and sunny you should open a window.</p>
<p>this chapter was hard to write but it was necessary. i would have liked to include more about Mrs. Fraldarius but it felt like it would have interrupted the flow. tried to end while facing forward. i hope i did all right :)</p>
<p>the title is another lyric from 'All the Days' by Jann Arden</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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